Category: Attitude


  • Are you tired of the way your day-to-day life has been lately? 

    Here’s the good news: Getting unstuck appears much more complicated than it really is. Here’s the three-word formula: 

     Change. Your. Thoughts.

    I know, I know, that sounds too simple. I might not believe it, either, if I hadn’t lived it.

    It started when our children were young. Back then my mood would depend on circumstances. Maybe the skies were gray and it was raining. Or the baby wouldn’t stop wailing. Or my husband seemed anxious about goodness-knows-what. (No wonder I was cranky.)

    I apologized, of course, usually saying something like: “Sorry, Hon, I can’t help it. That’s just the way I’ve always been.”

    One day the truth hit me. That tiresome statement had become my excuse.

    I knew it was time for a turnaround. But how?

    Enter “The Worry Clinic”

    Our daily newspaper began running a syndicated column by the late Dr. George Crane three times a week. His style of conveying mental health tips immediately spoke to me, so I devoured every word, all while carrying on a running argument with him in my mind.

    Dr. Crane, a trained psychologist and a physician, described his advice as “old-fashioned horse sense,” a.k.a. common sense.

    He repeated this statement often:

    Act the way you want to feel and soon you’ll feel the way you act.

    The first time I read that it made no sense to me, but it opened my mind a crack. As time went on I began to see the truth of his words. It boiled down to:

    Our emotions flow out of what we think.

    Here’s how Dr. Crane explained the process: 

    You can change your thoughts as easily as you change stations on your radio or channels on your television sets. It involves deliberately switching your mind to another topic–and it can be learned. 

    All it takes is practice.

    That bumped me up against an uncomfortable truth. I kind of liked being able to excuse myself with, “I can’t help it. That’s who I am.”

    What shocked me more was to see that my moods rubbed off on our four young daughters. They had become star copycats of their mournful mom.  

    And my sweet husband, loving us, lived patiently with all five of us. 

    I resolved to change

    Dr. Crane primed readers not to expect an overnight transformation. Just as the captain of an ocean liner cannot turn the huge ship 180 degrees all at once, neither should we expect to do a 180 all at once. 

    The only way to do it was to deliberately master one degree at a time and then repeat that maneuver 180 times.

    Would it take awhile? Yes. Would it be worth it? Yes!

    Always before, I prayed for God to change me, then waited for change to happen. Now I understood I also needed to act in faith.

    That is, I needed to pray and trust, but also behave as if God already answered my prayer and changed me. As time went on these actions began to feel “natural.”

    Over time these small, incremental moves paid off. Our home became a happier place.

    For all six of us.

    Branching out 

    As a Christian it reassured me to read this remark of Dr. Crane, who was an M.D. and also a doctor of psychology and psychiatry:  

    “I gleaned more practical psychology and psychiatry from the Bible than from all other books!”

    By now I wanted to learn more and read more, but I didn’t want to lose my way. I needed a solid understanding of what the Bible says so I could evaluate what I read or saw in the media. I became more serious about reading the Bible and scribbled notes and underlined verses that spoke to me.

    In those pre-Internet days I dug into the shelves of our public library and frequently brought home stacks of books on personal growth, marriage and parenting. When something hit home I wrote it down. Older books, newer books, it didn’t matter. I devised my own criteria.

    –Did the principles in this book conflict with what I believed as a Christian or with my personal values? (If so I set it aside.)

    –Did the author sound in touch with real people or rely on jargon?

    I picked up bits of knowledge and wise advice from a host of good, qualified authors and counselors. Each one helped me grow.

    After years of reading and living, here’s what I know is true

    1. The circumstances of our lives do not determine our mindset. What matters most happens between our ears.
    2. We can manage our emotions because they flow out of what we feed our minds, just as Dr. Crane said. 
    3. Sound thinking is not enough. We also must invest our time and our will to make the changes we need.
    4. It’s not uncommon to have the “want to,” but think we’re not making progress in changing our habits. If trying to change is a continuing struggle it’s time to talk to your pastor or a trustworthy professional counselor.

    Whatever it takes, every bit of progress we make is still a win.

    Staying on track for the long haul 

    It is a daunting task to set out to change oneself from the inside out and it takes time to change old patterns of thinking. What helped me most was reminding myself often  that my best Friend, Jesus Christ, never left me to struggle on my own.

    Here are some of the Bible verses that spoke to my heart–and still do: 

    I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.     Philippians 4:13

    For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.   2 Timothy 1:7

    You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.   Isaiah 26:3 

    It sounds too simple, but it’s true: You can change how you feel about your life by watching where you park your mind.  

    Lenore

     

     

    Here’s a no-cost way to make each day better

  • You may be thinking that sounds great but you've never held an important job or been celebrated for anything.  

    Blog. Older woman. Smiling. 9.20How could that be true? Meet my long-ago friend Alice. This tiny, smiling woman–barely 5 feet tall and walking with a cane–saw herself as "nothing special." 

    Yet when Alice died, six employees from the local Post Office attended her memorial–in uniform. One stood up to tell how much they all would miss their friend.

    "What we get mostly is people complaining about this or that. But when sweet Alice breezed in, we all smiled. Every week or two she brought us a heaping platter of her delicious homemade cookies.

    "I asked her once why she did it and she said, 'Well, I love to bake up my old recipes and I end up with a lot. So I just share the extras. Besides, you people bring me my mail every day, in every kind of weather. This is just me saying, Thanks and God bless you, all of you!'

    "She always called out a jaunty Hello to the people working behind the counter, too. I tell you, Alice brought sunshine in with her and every one of us will miss her!"

    He blotted his eyes all the way back to his seat.   

    The small-town newspaper editor spoke next and told how he loved reading Alice's thoughtful letters.

    After him came the high school principal, "I keep an open file folder labeled 'Alice' just to hang on to her notes of encouragement to our teachers and to me. She had no special reason, usually. That was just Alice." 

    Next came her neighbor, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "Alice shared everything. Hugs of encouragement. Roses from her backyard, homemade pie sometimes and of course, her famous chocolate walnut cookies. 

    Then a young man told how Alice always seemed to sense when he needed to talk and best of all, she always made time to listen.

    A time or two her encouragement and faith were the only things that kept him in school.

    Your life matters more than you can guess

    I knew Alice and I promise you she wouldn't have taken cookies to her local Post Office just so some employee would come to her memorial and speak well of her.

    Alice was just being Alice and living out what she read and studied in the Bible. She often told our small Bible study group how thankful she was for life.  

    She counted blessings, big and "small," as in, "God has blessed me so bountifully! I thank him every day that I can still walk around and my eyes still let me see the beauty in this world God created."

    Alice reminded us nearly every week to lift up people around us. "God created every human being to be one-of-a-kind, so let's be encouragers. Nobody has an easy life."   

    Then she would say, "Every small kindness leaves its mark."  

    None of us are "ordinary"

    We may suppose we live insignificant lives. Not so!

    For instance, if you're a mom or dad, as you every day interact with your children, you influence how they look at life.

    They will see the world through your eyes long before they form an opinion of their own. You write the script for how they think of God, how they view authority and for how they love–or don't know how to love.

    By the way, we parents do not lose our influence just because our children have reached adulthood. Yes, our grown children live their own lives, but most times, they (perhaps secretly) care what we think.

    More importantly, they still watch to see whether we live out what we tell them is important. 

    Whether they see us as friend or critic is up to us, more than to them.

    Each of us is like a stone tossed into a lake

    Every one of us leaves ripples that travel far beyond ourselves.

    Never discount your importance in the lives of the people around you. You matter in ways you may never know. Just as water can wear away stone, so our small deeds, over and over, carry a lasting effect.

    If we tuck that point-of-view in the back of our minds we'll become more aware. More alert for ways we can touch and encourage others along the way.

    Alice would say, "Keep your eyes on Jesus. He's the One who keeps us going and shows us how to live here in our little corner of the world. If we just follow Him we'll know what to do."  

    "Do to others as you would have them do to you."  Luke 6:31

    Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.   1 Thessalonians 5:11

    That covers it, don't you think?

    May you have JOY in your day-to-day!

    Lenore

    How to be a world-changer

  • We all know someone who never seems to rate much attention, even though they deserve it.  

    I love the true story I heard about a woman like that, let's call her Martha. She lived in a tiny Blog. Older woman. 1.19town in the middle of logging country and belonged to a very small church. 

    The church might be small but everyone pitched in to do whatever needed doing. Martha, well, not so much. 

    She always gave the same reason why she never taught Sunday School or Bible class or sang in the small choir: "When the good Lord was passing out gifts, he passed right over me. You don't want me to try teaching, believe me. And I can't carry a tune, just ask anyone who ever sat next to me in church.

    "Guess I'm a follower, not a leader and I like it that way."  

    Still, Martha never missed a worship service or a church event and at potlucks, people gobbled up her tasty dishes. Meanwhile, she would be out in the kitchen, washing dishes and wiping counters and sweeping the floor.   

    That's probably why people knew her face, but couldn't remember her name.

    When Martha moved away hardly anyone noticed

    What they did notice a couple of weeks after she left was that problems kept cropping up. The Sunday "coffee guy" said, "This place is falling apart! I came to put the coffee on, like I always do, and there's no coffee to put in the coffeemaker. Whose job is it to buy the extra supplies?" 

    Then one of the women blustered in and said, "I can't find any toilet paper or paper towels in the storage cabinet! This never happened before. Now what am I supposed to do?"

    The resident wise guy happily added his two cents worth: "And whoever is supposed to sweep the sidewalks is falling down on the job! What's going on around here?"

    You're way ahead of me, aren't you?

    The common denominator was Martha, the I-have-no-gifts-or-talents lady. Before, she always took care of keeping supplies on hand. Quietly, on her own.

    She lived close to the church so she could come and go while the pastor kept office hours. Hardly anyone ever noticed her. When the pastor at last heard the complaints he made it known how this one unassuming woman with the gentle smile faithfully ministered to everyone else.

    And he added, she didn't do it for applause, but out of love.

    Perhaps you're a little–or a lot–like Martha

    You go around blessing the people around you and never look for praise.

    Maybe you think you have no "place"–or if you do, it's way at the bottom of the pecking order 

    However we spend our days, here's a short poem we each can take to heart;  

    YOUR  PLACE

    Is your place a small place?

    Tend it with care!–

    He set you there.

    Is your place a large place?

    Guard it with care!

    He set you there.

    Whate'er your place, it is

    Not yours alone, but His

    Who set you there.

    –John Oxenham            

    Whatever we do, wherever we are in life, it's not by chance

    We all feel like "little people" from time to time. That doesn't matter unless we brood over it and think we should receive more recognition. What matters is what our Lord thinks of us because He knows our hearts and knows our motives.

    Here's encouragement to hang onto in every situation:

    For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

    Ephesians 2:10

    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

    Jeremiah 29:11-12

    Wishing you JOY in your day-to-day!

    Lenore

     

    In Praise of The “Little People” Who Make This World Better

  • Did you ever notice how reality can poke holes in our positive outlook on life?  

    As when we're patting ourselves on the back for something and right away, our self-image takes a nose-dive.  

    Blog. Woman. cleaning. 6.20Maybe I drop a cup of coffee and have to clean up the mess. Or I hit the wrong key and delete a piece of writing I'd been working on. More often, it's my balky computer acting up. 

    Small things, really. Just the drip, drip, drip of daily life.

    Some days such "small things"–for no particular reason–feel like the proverbial straw the camel couldn't manage.

    "Minor" can feel major when we're already maxed out on coping 

    Think of someone you know who's been slogging through hard territory for awhile and they're worn out. Every day it takes all they've got just to keep going. They seldom complain, but you can see it in their eyes.

    It's not that they lack faith or internal strength. They're simply exhausted from pushing themselves to keep going.  

    It may be a person who every day deals with an illness or a health challenge that goes on and on. Or they may be the caregiver for a loved one.

    If we pay careful attention we get glimpses of their inner struggles.

    Just living our lives can take everything we've got

    A lot of moms and dads feel weary to the bone. Some are able to work from home and thankful for that, but it's never easy in the midst of family life.  Dedicated parents who try to home-school their kids often feel maxed out on coping. 

    Besides all that, the future feels uncertain, even in the best of times. 

    Through it all, loving husbands and wives and moms and dads try to be all bright and shiny for their spouses and their children.  

    In every situation we get to choose 

    Are you facing a challenge right now and feel pushed to your limits?

    We've all been there at some time in life. Some of us are good at lecturing ourselves to be courageous, to never show strain, etc. 

    (That seldom helps, does it?)

    I've come to realize that the quiet people who just keep doing what they have to do–whatever the reason–are the real heroes of life.

    A couple of years ago I found this quote and it changed the way I thought about the meaning of strength. Perhaps it will speak to your heart, too.  

    Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing to do; but to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.  -Unknown  

    Always, it's the same question: Now what?

    If that's our life, how are we to endure?

    To paraphrase that old song, we "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again."

    How do we do that? For me it's by making myself slow down so I open my eyes to what is, rather than bemoaning what's lost.

    If we tune our hearts to see and hear we'll notice the small joys that punctuate every day.

    Most of life consists of the ordinary and routine. If that sounds dull, turn the coin over and realize it's also comfortable and reassuring. 

    The trick is to rejoice over what is

    Don't stop there. Let's make the most of what we have while we have it. It's as the writer of Psalm 118 put it, in verse 24:

    This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  

    Every morning we can rejoice because God is with us another day. Then tomorrow, we do it all over again.  

    Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  –Philippians 4:6-7  LNT

    That's the only way I know to have more "up" days and fewer of the other kind.  

    (Working on living this, too,) 

    Lenore

    Don’t let a string of “down days” get you down

  • Maybe it's just me, but I sometimes feel ho-hum about life, even without specific complaints. How about you?

    Perking up would not be hard, that is, if I got serious and dug in.  

    Blog. Woman at calendar.12.18But within a week or so I always sink back into my comfortable rut and life goes on as before.

        (Sigh.)

    Then a simple way to make big changes dropped into my lap

    One January Sunday our pastor surprised us all. After ending his sermon he asked the ushers to pass out the blank index cards he'd given them earlier, one for each person present.

    Then he said, "It's time we all set priorities for the year ahead. But don't worry, I'll keep it simple.

    "First number your cards, 1, 2, 3, no more. Then in 15 words or less write not what you hope will happen or what you want to happen, but what you will do to make this a better year. Use action words so you can remember. Got it? Okay, you have five minutes. Go!"

     About minute four, I scribbled:

    1. See the good
    2. Speak the good
    3. Do the good

    (Yes, I know that's not good grammar.)

    When the timer beeped he said, "Stop! Take your card home and tape it up at eye level where you can't help seeing it. Then whenever you see that card, read your words aloud and ask God's help to carry them out.

    "Now let's pray: Lord, we cannot change on our own. Inspire each of us to put into action what you just planted in our minds. Make us faithful and bless our efforts, we pray. Amen."

    Later that day I taped my card on "my side" of our bathroom wall mirror, all the while thinking, End of story, I'll bet. 

    Or maybe not

    I decided to at least try, so over the next weeks every time I looked in the mirror I read my words again and prayed, "Lord, help me, please."

    I didn't expect much, but God surprised me. I could not shake those words. I heard them when another driver took the parking space I just spotted.

    Would I fuss and fume or would I see the good? After all, I had a few minutes to spare and a car to drive, thank God. Another parking place would open up, so why get bent out of shape?

    Those ten words drummed in my mind with relationships, too, as when my friend forgot we had arranged to meet for coffee and good talk. 

    When she called to apologize I could play the victim or I could see the good (she simply forgot.) I could speak the good ("Oh, it's all right. I know you have a lot on your mind right now.") I could do the good by setting another time to meet and telling her how much our friendship meant to me. 

    I found those simple phrases even affected chance encounters, as when a clerk seemed snippy.

    I could walk out angry, muttering my frustration. Or I could see the good, understanding the clerk might be distracted because of serious personal issues. I could do the good by smiling and speak the good by thanking her for her help.

    I left that card on the mirror all year because it reminded me how I wanted to live my life.

    And little by little, with God's help, I did change.

    Here we are with fresh new calendars for a fresh new year. How will we choose to live it? 

    Each of us will carry different burdens as we journey on and tough times may arise, but we are never alone. When we trust in Jesus He  promises to be with us, every moment of every day. 

    This year I want to remember words of strength like these:

    • Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  –1 Peter 5:7
    • So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  –Isaiah 41:10
    • I can do everything through him who gives me strength. —Philippians 4:13

    Why not try my simple "formula" for yourself?

    I'm no expert, but I pass on this "off the cuff" formula for one reason only. I know it can work if we take it to heart. (And I'm considering this a reminder/refresher for myself, too.)

    1. See the good
    2. Speak the good
    3. Do the good

    Wishing you all the best, dear readers, as we keep learning and growing together, 

    Lenore

    Tired of the “Same Old, Same Old” Day After Day?

  • Let me pass on a lesson I learned along the way–and isn't that the way we all learn?   

    I'm making progress because awhile back a new friend said, "You always wear the hint of a  smile. What's Dreamstime_xs_40781191your secret?"

    I thanked her for that delightful compliment, of course. Right then I couldn't come up with anything better than a glib "Well, I guess I have a lot to smile about." 

    Later on an incident from years ago popped into my head and suddenly I knew the answer to that question.

    It sounds strange, but sometimes big truth comes from unlikely sources.

    On that ordinary, life-changing day I was so completely focused on my list I didn't really look at the other shoppers milling around me

    That is, not until one of them stopped me by tapping me on the shoulder. The tiny elderly lady looked concerned as she said, "'Excuse me, Honey, but you look so sad I had to stop. Is there anything I can do for you?"

    Sad? Me? Baffled, I said something like, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but what do you mean?"

    "Well, judging by the expression on your face, I figure you must be dealing with something really heavy. I'm so sorry! Just wanted to tell you things hardly ever are as bad as they seem. So cheer up, Dearie, and never, ever  give up hope!" 

    With that she smiled again, then patted my shoulder and scurried away.   

    I stood there speechless

    All I could think was, what on earth was she talking about?

    A few steps later I ran into my reflection on a mirrored pillar near me and took a hard look. I did look, well, grim. As much as I hated to admit it to myself that little lady wasn't exaggerating.

    I heard her words in my mind for days. So did the question that refused to be stilled: What do I communicate to others around me?

    Always before I thought of myself as a happy person. Now I couldn't escape the obvious: That's probably not the message the people around me picked up. 

    What could I do? 

    I decided to start with the way I deliberately set my lips, even when I was alone.  

    Just as importantly I would pay attention to the words coming out of my mouth. 

    Now I had a plan. From that moment on I would 

    • wear a happy expression
    • look for the good and
    • speak encouragement.

    I soon decided that wouldn't matter unless I lived it. If I wanted this to become a habit, my new behavior had to be all day, every day.

    So I paid careful attention to the expression I wore. To my surprise, before long I didn't need to remind myself so often.  

    I also concentrated on looking for and speaking the good. Soon that became more routine, too–but I still have to watch myself.

    Always, always it's easier to sink into a down mood than to stay in an up mood.

    Nothing changed, but everything changed

    Before long I realized I was more fun to be around, even for myself. My same old, same old life felt happier, too.

    Could it be this simple?

    All I know is that old song holds some real meaning:  

    "Put on a happy face…and you will be happy, too." 

    It's not the whole truth, for sure, but it's a beginning. 

    Like that tiresome saying, you can't journey a thousand miles if you never take that first step.

    Looking for Bible backup?

    For me, "thinking good thoughts" won't keep me going for long. Here's one specific verse that speaks to the subject. 

    A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.  –Proverbs 15:

    There's more, of course. Whatever our situation, we Christians always have reason to smile. 

    For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.  -John 3:16

    But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  -Romans 5:8

    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him.  -Romans 15:13

    With love and prayers,
    Lenore

    Found! A Simple Way to Improve Your Mood

  • Have you ever said to yourself, "I wish something would happen!" Blog. woman-bored-at-work. 5.2.10

    Consider that reckless thinking. That "something" may turn out to be scary.

    Take the time I did my usual breast self-exam and felt a tiny lump the size of a BB. I didn't remember feeling anything before. Next came the mammogram, then the "maybe" verdict, then the biopsy.

    Boy, did that un-bore me fast!

    Thanks be, the final verdict pronounced it benign. 

    Sometimes it's a phone call you never wanted to have

    Like the morning one of our daughters, college age, called with a plaintive note in her voice, "Is Dad there? I need to talk to him… ."

    If you've had young drivers of your own you can guess the reason why. This time another driver, uninsured, had rear-ended her car. That young man pushed her into the stopped car ahead of her at a busy Los Angeles intersection. Now she was scared and stranded because her car had been towed away.

    Thank God that although she was shaken up, she was spared serious injuries. 

    In the weeks of repair time that followed the rest of us were one car short. One "benefit"–nobody at our house was bored.  

    More bad news came a couple of weeks later

    A weighty, cream-colored envelope arrived. It bore the name and prestigious address of a Beverly Hills attorney. He wrote to inform us his firm was representing the other driver, someone with an unpronounceable name who was in the U.S. on a student visa. The bottom line of that letter? They intended to sue our daughter.

    Can you imagine our outrage? Our daughter was panicked and we weren't far behind as we ran through all the what ifs that came to mind.

    At last came common sense and we contacted our insurance company.

    End of story.

    Periods of fear and uncertainty can happen to us all

    Those are the times we wish we could go back to yesterday or the day before.

    Back to a day when if someone asked, "How was your day?" we could answer, "Oh, it's been just a normal day, kind of boring, really. Nothing much happened."

    If we've had a lengthy string of days like that we may even feel a bit sorry for ourselves. After all, don't we deserve a bit of excitement of our own?

    Been there, done that–and it never brings me joy to start going down that track.

    Words to lift our spirits

    I have no idea who Mary Jean Iron is, but I think her words pack a hefty meaning.  

    Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. 

    In verse 24 of Psalm 118 we find the unshakable reason to consider every day a good day: 

    This is the day that the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

    I'm thinking these two together amount to great advice because one fact is inescapable. This day is the only day we really have.

    So whatever else is going on–or not going on in our days, let's rejoice that we're still breathing, still standing. Let's thank God we're alive and celebrate every minute of every day! 

    Blessings and peace and joy,

    Lenore

    Another Same Old, Same Old Day? Then Celebrate!

  • Have you noticed how someone's casual remark sometimes switches your mind into a new–and better–way of thinking? 

    Blog. Smiling woman. 2.19It happened to me when I ran into a friend I hadn't seen for months. After exchanging the usual pleasantries I asked, "How are things going for you lately?"                              

    She lit up with a big smile and said, "Lately my life has been really, really good."

    "Great! Has something changed?"

    "Nope. I just learned what makes the difference between being happy and being frustrated. It's simple, really: I lowered my expectations. That made all the difference."

    We each had places to rush off to, but our brief conversation replayed in my mind all week, probably because, um, I needed to hear it.

    How about you?

    Lower my expectations. Could it be that simple?

    Ever had a conversation like this at your house? 

    Me: "Well, I thought you would _____."

    My husband: "How was I to know what you expected? You're just disappointed because I didn't live up to your expectations."  

    He was right, of course. (Sigh.) 

    I finally admitted to myself that too often I thought I knew how things "should" go. With neighbors, with our children, even with myself.  

    I don't know about you, but I've never found this eased tensions.

    A solid place to start

    The more I thought about it, the more I understood how my friend's new attitude could change life for the better:

    Expect less and rejoice over what IS, rather than stress over what isn't.

    This sounds so basic it made me think well, any fool should be able to do that. 

    Exactly. That's the point.

    Plotting it out

    You probably aren't a psychiatrist or a counselor. Neither am I. But I learned some simple changes that made a big difference in all of life. 

    I found that first I had to lay aside my comfortable, customary habits. Then baby-step by baby-step, I needed to adjust my thinking and reacting. After awhile the new way of thinking felt more natural, more comfortable.   

    If you wonder how to start, think small. Manageable. Small twists on what you already know and the way you customarily behave.

    And always, always, be patient with yourself and with others. 

    Where to start? You get to choose. Here are some suggestions 

      1. Put aside former notions and just accept each person as they are, rather than thinking "If only … ." (Look on their differentness as a spice in life, rather than an irritant.)
      2. Reaffirm what's worthy in people with a bit of praise now and then. (Hint: There's no better way to see more of it.)
         
      3. Spend more time looking for what's good than hunting out what isn't. (Get ready to be surprised.)
      4. Be glad and grateful for what is instead of wishing for what isn't. (Decide to view your glass as half-full, rather than half-empty.)
      5. Look around at your own four walls with fresh eyes. (Instead of picking out flaws, let yourself breathe in the warmth of the home–the recharging station–you've created.) 
      6. Learn to appreciate small everyday joys. (They're the stuff of daily life.)
      7. Smile more. (Skin experts tell us this cuts down on wrinkles, too.)
      8. Begin each day with, "Thank you, Lord, for my life and the people in it." (Watch how this simple practice brightens your day.) 

    Three universal principles 

    • We get back what we give out

    If we long to hear praise we need to hand it out, too. (This means we open our eyes and actually see the people around us.)

    Suppose you want your spouse to be more thoughtful and loving. Exaggerated sighs and nagging seldom pay off. Instead, make it your habit to give out what you want to receive. (Be patient as your new way of mutual giving develops.) 

    • Be forgiving of flaws

    Nobody's perfect, not even you or me. Aren't you glad? If we keep this thought front and center in our minds it smooths over a lot of life's stresses. 

    • Give up chasing perfectionism and get real

    Perhaps you, too, were raised on, "Anything worth doing is worth doing well."

    Let it go. It's okay to think that good enough IS good enough. You hereby have my permission to relax. (I'm giving myself the same message.)

    Contentment. A synonym for happiness?

    The Apostle Paul wrote, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."  (Philippians 4:11 NIV)

    Think about that. Even the Apostle Paul had to learn to be content, so let's not give up on ourselves as we take two steps forward and one step back. Over and over. (Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward, isn't it?)

    We are, after all, only human. Through God's grace in Jesus Christ we who believe are forgiven sinners, but here on earth we'll remain flawed. 

    That truth makes it easier to lower our expectations and be glad for what is. Be thankful for the good qualities in your family and the people around you. 

    After all, don't we want the people we love and the people around us to accept us as we are? So let's be glad and thank God for what is. 

    Now, can we all breathe a big sigh of relief?

    Learning, too, 

    Lenore

    You Can Change Your Life If You Change Your Mindset

  • Some often-told stories speak to every one of us. Like this one:

    Picture the new teacher who comes into Blog. teacher with student. 3.6.11 imagesCAY9N1M8 a new classroom. Truth is, even veteran teachers each year come into the unknown. Each one faces a sea of eager (or bored) students, mostly strangers to them. 

    Suppose the new teacher, for whatever reason, believes students assigned to his or her classroom are super-bright. What a privilege it will be to teach these high-achievers and give them the kind of instruction they deserve! 

    Those kids respond and blossom and turn in exceptionally good work. Teacher is happy and students are happy.

    Peace reigns, day after day. 

    Near the end of the school year this teacher discovers the truth 

    These kids were not "gifted." Just the opposite. Everyone from the principal on down considered them to be chronic behavior problems. "Somehow" they all ended up with the new teacher.  

    Long-time teachers secretly rejoiced that somebody else got stuck with these "troubled learners." They knew how these kids struggled in class and got sent to the principal's office on a regular basis. Every teacher and faculty member who tried to help ended up frustrated. None would admit it out loud, but these kids simply were being moved on through the system.

    Small wonder the old guard laughed when the newbie teacher treated these youngsters as if they were high-achievers. After awhile they stopped being amused. Wonder of wonders, those "loser" students began to live up to their teacher's expectations–and then some.

    In real life it never works out this neatly, of course.

    But what if it could? What if it did?

    Perhaps we need to take a fresh look at the people in our lives. Our spouses. Our children. Our friends and extended families. The people we work with and interact with in our everyday activities.

    Have we fitted them neatly into a box because we "know" their capabilities or lack of same?

    Have we given them labels based on the past instead of on who they are today?

    It's disturbingly easy to get stuck in what they–and we–used to be. It helps to pretend you've just met and ask yourself, "Who is this person?"

    You may be surprised at what you find.

    Sometimes we do the same thing with ourselves

    Every now and then it's good to ask ourselves, Who am I today?  

    If that sounds like a strange thing to do, just pause and think how often you say, "I never," or, "I always."

    Maybe that phrase once was true, but is it an accurate description today?

    Probably more than we realize, what we expect is what will happen, over and over–with others and with ourselves.

    We all know the saying, "What you see is what you get."

    The truth of those words apply in so many areas of living, especially in our relationships. People tend to live up to our expectations. So do you and I in our self-appraisal of who we are and what we can do. 

    The Apostle Paul tells us how to get a new outlook on ourselves and on other people–in 2 Corinthians 5:17 and in Ephesians 4:32:

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 

    Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you.

    That's the Good News of the Christian faith if we put our trust in Jesus Christ as our Savior. That's true no matter how many times we failed. It's not about how great we are or all we've been able to accomplish. HE is the one who makes us new. All we need to do is believe this is true.

    Our outlook on other people changes, too. We're able to stop thinking they should live up to how we view them. Because of these same promises we can let go of old hurts and expectations. 

    As usual, it starts with the eyes of our heart and how we choose to see others and ourselves. Here's to looking–and seeing–with new eyes.

    Still learning, too,

    Lenore

    Keep Your Eyes Open Or You Might Miss What Matters Most

  • If you're like me, you long to hear someone in the media look on the bright side of life.  

    You know, spend more time on what is good and right and true, if just for the novelty effect.

    Since that seems unlikely, let's help ourselves. It's still good advice to once in awhile stop and take a slow, deep breath, then exhale. Do it again. Feel your shoulders drop and your spirit rise? Good. 

    Now take another deep breath and thank God for something or someone in your life that gives you joy. From now on, keep your mind tuned to what is right in your life, rather than what's wrong.

    Past generations managed to get through hard times, whether national or personal–without falling apart, even when life was hard. How? Part of the credit goes to entertainers of the time. They kept everyone's morale up. 

    Here's one example from 1944, when it seemed World War II would never end

    Bing Crosby croons a song that caught on instantly–and still carries a useful message for us today.     

    Johnny Mercer wrote "Accentuate the Positive" in 1944, when Americans were bone-weary of World War II. With its upbeat rhythms and happy lyrics, this tune quickly proved to be a morale-booster.

    The song's instructions lay down a good track to follow  


    • Accentuate the positive
    • Eliminate the negative
    • Latch on to the affirmative
    • Spread joy up to the maximum
    • Bring gloom down to the minimum

    Perhaps this sounds like too much. Besides, where are we supposed to find the energy? 

    I've only found one Source that never lets me down and that's God. He won't let you down, either.

    The One who knows us best and even numbers the hairs on our heads is always there, waiting for us to turn to Him and ask for what we need.

    How would "accentuate the positive" play out in everyday life?

    Here are some starters:

    Give up keeping track of what's missing in your husband or wife, or your children or employer. (Or anyone else, for that matter.) Instead, look for what is worthwhile in them and what they do right, then talk about that.

    Let go of nagging kids over poor grades or annoying habits. Instead, point out to them their good temperament qualities–like kindness–and evidences of strong character, like follow-through and keeping promises.

    Stop replaying how tight finances are and bemoaning all the restrictions and things you can't afford. Instead, remind yourself what you are able to do and thank God for that.  

    At first it may seem no one notices, but don't quit. Little by little, your deliberate new outlook will catch on with the people in your life, especially your family. 

    Think what a difference that could make inside your own four walls.

    Always, we decide what we will emphasize

    "Accentuate the positive" means we focus on what's good and right and true in people and in our world. 

    For example, if everyone depends on us and it weighs us down, how will we view it? We can call it a burden. Or we can regard it as the privilege it is.

    Privilege? Yes, especially for parents. Moms and dads set the tone for their families. Children constantly listen and learn, wanting to know how they are to look at life and people. Happy parents make for happy kids who feel confident about life–and themselves.

    Wives and husbands probably won't label it as such, but each one supports their spouse emotionally, remembering it is who they are, not what they do. Every time they smile and hug–the more, the better–each one feels appreciated. Somehow that lessens the weight of worries and problems for each of them.  

    Good friends can do that, too, because we are meant to encourage each other.

    Even if we live alone, we set the tone for our lives. We can start our mornings by thanking God for another day. Or we can fixate on the constant news broadcasts and talk shows. When we choose the latter, it's easy to get caught up in thinking and talking about the evil in the world and in people.

    As usual and as always, it's our choice.

    Before that song came the Apostle Paul  

    I have no proof, but it may seem logical to think Johnny Mercer took his inspiration from Philippians 4:8:

    Finally, brothers–and sisters–whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

    Doesn't that sound a lot like "Accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative, Latch on to the affirmative"?

    Doubts and fears still may surface now and then

    I've found it helps to go back to God's promises, for example:

    By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.  Psalm 42:8  ESV

    God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea.  Psalm 46:1-2 ESV

    In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  –Psalm 4:8 ESV

    Over the years I've learned I need to be watchful over my moods and to deliberately pick out what's good in life and to thank God for it. 

    The ancient wisdom still holds: A thankful heart is good medicine.

    Wishing you joy!

    Lenore 

    Find a Lift for Your Day–and Your Heart–Here