Category: Encouraging others

Never think "Nobody listens to me!"

That's not true. Even if you live alone, you listen to your words. Think of the constant stream of words in your mind. That sound track plays constantly in the background.

It's as if we have an inner critic–or an inner cheerleader–that never takes a break.

Most of us have no notion when that voice took up residence.

Some trace it back to one or more individuals along the way, probably someone we wanted desperately to please.

A parent. A teacher or boss. A friend, or so we thought until …

Once we identify even just the beginning of that process it can help us understand ourselves–and others.

The lifelong influence of parents

A good friend grew up in poverty, but he went on to success in every area of his life. When asked how he managed that, "Jim" had a stock answer. "My mother always told me she knew I would do something great with my life.

"I didn't really believe her, but I figured she must know something about me that I didn't. So whenever a challenge cropped up I did the best I knew how to do and God blessed my hard work."

His mom's words–and her confidence–echoed in his mind all his days.

Because of her example he frequently spoke love and confidence to his wife and children. In the workplace Jim became known as "the spark plug" because he buoyed up those around him.

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV

What about us?

Our words are power-packed, too. Do you doubt that? Just think back to the last time someone's thoughtless remark cut deep and you still can't forget it.

We've all done it, haven't we? Often we spew out our frustrations on whomever is handy. Our husband or our wife–or our children. Right away we wish we could take back our words, well aware that's not the way to nurture a relationship. Or a friendship.

Then there's gossip and "sharing" without the other person's permission. Loose lips have sunk many a relationship.

Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3 NIV

Make it a habit to be a people-booster

Call to mind the last time you expressed your confidence in someone. They may have said, "Yeah, sure," and turned away. Later on you noticed they stood just a bit taller and looked quietly pleased.

Why? Just ask yourself whether you'd prefer a pat on the back or a kick in the pants.

Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Romans 15:2 ESV

How do we want to be thought of?

You and I affect the present–and the future–of people we love because they care what we think.

Think how often you hear an adult–even an older adult–remark, "My mother–or my dad–always said …"

Our children care, too, even when they seem not to. Even after they're grown and well into living their own lives.

It's the same in a marriage. We either build each other up or tear each other down. The choice is always before us.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 LNT

We affect ourselves, too

It's not complicated. Start with the certainty that no one talks to you more than you do–every moment of every day. (Yes, this goes on even when we're not aware of it.)

If I fill my mind with what's wrong or what's missing in my life, I'm on my way to a lousy day.

If I get stuck on what I wish were there in the people in my life, I find all kinds of new "evidence" to prove my point.

On the other hand, if I set out to identify what's right and good and true in life or in people, that comes through, too.

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Romans 14:19 ESV

We find what we look for

Have you ever wondered how professional photographers always manage to shoot scenic shots of pure blue skies and puffy white clouds?

It's because they use camera filters and other enhancements that enable them to screen out the smog and smoke and haze the rest of us see.

Similarly, our words and our thoughts become our "filters" and affect the way we–or others–view life.

That may sound overly simplistic, but it's a basic truth.

Similarly, all through our lives people we love and admire become "filters" which we factor in to our view of ourselves, either positively or negatively.

It's always our choice, whether our words will be kind and warm someone's heart and lift their spirits.

As usual, the Apostle Paul summed it up well:

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing . . . Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:11; 16-18 ESV

Yes, yes, I know. None of us can live up to this standard, but wouldn't it make life better for ourselves and for those around us if we perhaps tackled one phrase of Paul's words at a time?

Wouldn't our words more likely bring smiles and encouragement as they live on in the memories of people we love?

And isn't that what we all want?

Still learning, too,

Lenore

Know the Lasting Power of Your Words

July 31, 2024
Perhaps the better question is, "How are you treating life?"

That is, what label do we paste on our days?

We seldom realize that's what we're doing, but it's true–and it becomes a habit.

A bad habit, because it gets easier and easier to fixate on what's "wrong" and subsequently miss what's right. (Or am I the only one who ever does that?)

This colors how we look at everything, maybe most of all, the people in our lives.

Finding fault and complaining starts early. Think how siblings squabble and wail, "It's my turn."

Nobody has to teach kids that annoying practice. Isn't it odd how that kind of attitude seems to lurk within each of us?

The angst of the younger generation ramps up in the teenage years, with endless complaints to parents: "You always …" or "You never … "

During those years children and teens could not fathom the internal struggles a mother or father feels. All along they live with uncertainty, nobody ever certain they are "doing it right."

Labeling saves time

Think about it. Once we label a person we don't have to think. We just plug in what we always "knew" about them–or thought we did.

Those old impressions lodge in our minds and too often we won't let go. It's more comfortable to hang onto old thinking than to take a fresh look. At ourselves.

This same pitfall dogs married couples. The person we fell in love with and married turns out to have a few faults. Yet that's the one who stays and keeps on loving us through all the highs and lows, the good times and the hard times–which happen to everyone, by the way.

Even those we judge to "have it all together."

Cause for celebration

If we're honest, at times any one of us is not that easy to live with–even in a strong marriage. True?

But do we celebrate? Nope. More often we nag and nit-pick about small habits that bug us. We whine that we don't feel appreciated for who we are and how much we give and we are the ones who deserve to be celebrated.

(How do I know this? Do you need to ask?)

We may exhibit selective sight with our adult children, as well. We focus on all the ways they need to change but remain blind to their strengths and good points. As for praise, forget about it, because we know they could do better.

Often our Inner Critic carries that over into all of life

We pick out things we wish were different and easily ignore what's good. We look "over there" for happiness and forget to look at what and who is right there in front of us.

Most of all we forget to look within ourselves.

Too often I would have to plead guilty. How about you?

But hey, old habits are hard to break. Right?

Time for a change

I've never forgotten one sermon that jolted me out of that rut.

Our pastor had the ushers hand out index cards and told us that he had found a short formula to be helpful in his life because it opened the eyes of his heart. That Sunday he decided to pass it on to us.

He suggested an experiment. Starting that day each of us was to promise ourselves to make this our personal practice. No questions would be asked. No reports of progress or lack thereof. This was to be personal.

His "formula" stuck in my memory because it's uncomplicated and short. I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Did it bless my life? Yes it did, although I confess sometimes I slipped up often and some days didn't remember to try.

Here's the simple formula:

1. Leave the past at the cross of Jesus Christ, once and for all.

2. See the good.

3. Speak the good.

4. Ask God to develop this attitude within me.

U-turn required

Whatever the date and time or stage of life we're in right now, it's worth giving it a fair trial, don't you think?

According to the news and the "experts" it sounds as if everything is up for grabs. Some of us feel we're floundering and just hanging on from day to day.

This simple formula sorts out what matters most in making a good life. It reveals the emptiness of the flotsam we're flooded with every day, on every side. It reminds us to stay on track by fixing our attention on what we as individuals can control.

This list serves us in the same way a level serves a carpenter: It helps us stay balanced, today and in the future.

You and I cannot change the world, but we change our world

Living by that pastor's formula takes us a long way toward that goal.

For specifics, many people hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an example of how we should live. I believe most of those principles apply to both sexes in a general way.

If the criteria in that chapter sound too daunting, focus on verse 26 for starters.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Doesn't that make a worthy checklist for both women and men?

It's not hard to see how speaking kindness and appreciation would add life and light to our lives–and the lives of our spouse, our children and the people around us. This is doable for any of us.

Whatever our age or life situation, one truth applies to every one of us:

God gives us life. It's up to us how we live it.

Here's to being good learners,

Lenore

A question only you can answer: How is Life Treating You?

May 17, 2022
Remember when we were little and we proudly declared, "I'm gonna do something important when I grow up!"

Most of us lost that certainty and we toned it down as the years went by. Besides, our definition of "important" changed–and that's a good thing.

Some people have a mental pecking order when it comes to jobs. Sorry to tell you, but that's an outdated concept.

Sometimes a job is much more than it seems

Mitzi works in a child care center. She earns little more than minimum wage, but she loves kids.

Some days the babies cry all day and toddlers cling. On those days sometimes she would like to turn around, walk out the door and never come back.

But she stays, knowing she's "security" for the little ones in her charge.

The moms and dads love her because it's plain to see that Mitzi loves their children. They often confide in her because she always lets them talk. What's more, she takes time to listen. Mitzi raised three children of her own, so she often passes on practical tips from her own parenting.

More than one young mom has said to her, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Mitzi. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants as a mom and I don't have anyone else to ask. You are a lifesaver!"

George is "just a janitor" in a middle school.

He has a small cubbyhole "office" where he eats his sack lunch and puts his feet up between chores.

Each year at the beginning of the school year he makes sure to spread the word to students just coming in that he wants to be helpful. He lets everyone know it's okay to stop by his office and if he can help them, he will.

There might as well be a sign that reads "Counselor" over the door to his tiny room. Every day one or a few kids stop by. They talk and he listens. Sometimes he asks leading questions that turn their thoughts in a new direction. He takes the time, even if they still hang around after the end of a long school day.

Always, George takes care that his door stays open.

When a student finishes talking it out George usually assures them that he can tell they are strong and that he knows they will work it out. Most of the time that's all they need.

Sometimes he advises them to talk to a particular teacher or counselor. If he spots a youngster who seems deeply troubled, he quietly alerts faculty members who could come alongside.

Every now and then a kid will tell him, "You're my best friend in all the world, George. Nobody else cares."

Sandy worked behind the counter of a roller skating rink

On weekends and vacation times that rink also served as a hangout for middle- and high-schoolers with too much time on their hands. Her official job was to check everyone in and hand out skates.

Sandy didn't stop with that. She also settled arguments, usually by listening to both sides and then helping the kids get a better perspective. Her clear eyes saw everything, including young couples who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

"They're good kids, most of 'em," she said, "but a few have no one at home because their parents work late. That's why they hang around here–and why they talk to me. Some of their questions are 'lulus,' let me tell you! Everything from faith to sex to fear their parents might be getting a divorce."

That's when Sandy smiled, her face alight with real affection. "They need someone they can talk to. That makes me glad I can be here and that I have time to listen. I give out lots of hugs and I get hugged back. I guess for some of those kids I'm like another mom–and it's good for me to be needed, too."

Let's drop the word "just" when talking about what we do

You're not "just" a mom or a dad. You are raising the next generation. What could be more important than that? You are the one(s) in charge of your family's life and almost certainly, you set the tone for the atmosphere in your home.

You're not "just" a senior with time on your hands. You can use that extra time in so many ways, with your family, in your church and/or in your community. You are available and that enables you to be a blessing in ways that weren't possible earlier in your life.

You're not "just" a caregiver for a loved one. You are the one who–probably more than you know–makes it possible for that family member to feel still loved and valued, in spite of needing care.

You're not "just" a nurse or nurse's aide. You are the one who has the most direct contact with patients. You care for them–and probably with a smile that doesn't quit. You speak hope when they are depressed and encourage them.

You're not "just" the employee who keeps the business or restaurant tidy, including the restrooms. Because of your quiet work in the background, customers relax and feel confidence that things are done as they should be.

The list goes on and on. Endlessly.

Adding value to what we do as individuals

However we spend our days we can make life better for ourselves and others without much extra effort, often with words alone.

It's as the writer of Proverbs says in 25:11 (ESV):

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

A friend suggested the other day that instead of the cliche, "Have a nice day," we Christians easily could say, "May God give you a good day."

Or when someone asks, "How are you?" we could do better than reply with our standard "I'm fine." We could answer with something like, "I'm blessed and thankful, and I hope you are, too."

Suppose we took the words of the Apostle Paul seriously

Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV

What if you and I made it our "job" to live out those words? Whatever else we do each day, we could embody these truths and let it come through in our ordinary conversations and our everyday responsibilities. Think how that could change our days–and every interaction with other people.

This may sound small and unimportant, but trust me: The results(s) could be mighty.

Best of all, whatever our age or life situation, every one of can do this "small job, right now, wherever we are.

Ready, set, go!

Lenore

Forget the old definitions: There are no small jobs

October 29, 2021
Have you noticed how easily we overlook individuals who don't have a lot of flash and dash?

We applaud those who show great bravery at times of danger and disaster–and we should. They're easy to spot.

But we often miss the soft-spoken people who serve in the background and keep on doing it. People like "Marian," a woman I met at a convention when we ended up next to each other at lunch.

We talked about the morning's spiritual growth workshop. Marian said, "I always think maybe this time I'll figure out what I'm equipped to do for the Lord, but I still don't know.

"It's not because I haven't tried, but I just can't find my place, like in my church. I get tongue-tied in front of a group. Can't play an instrument, can't even carry a tune.

"I've tried teaching, but the problem is I never want to be up front."

She sighed as she got up to leave and said, "I think when the good Lord was giving out gifts, He just passed me by."

Later that day I met "Kate"

She said, "I saw you talking to Marian. Years ago she belonged to my little church.

"We don't have enough members to have lots of committees and boards and meetings. When something needs doing, we all just pitch in to get it done. This works real well for us most of the time. Or it did for a long time.

"Then one Sunday Fred had to run to the convenience store and buy coffee before he could get the coffeepot going. After church we regulars drank our coffee and talked, like we always do.

"Fred told us about the empty supply cupboard. Doris said she couldn't find any cleaning supplies when it was her turn to clean. That never happened before. Then Joe said, 'The last few Sundays I got here early, like always, and had to sweep off the church steps and sidewalks. Never had to do that before.'

"Marge said, 'Sounds like things are falling apart around here. What's changed?'"

The rest of the story

Kate shifted in her chair. "Then my husband said, 'Only one change I can think of: Marian moved away.'"

"We looked at each other and it was like that Bible verse about scales falling from our eyes. Marian never missed church and always sat in the same pew. A nice, quiet lady who always served food at potlucks and then washed up dishes afterwards.

"Somehow we never guessed that on her own she stocked us up on supplies and swept the walks–and who knows what else? George said he'd been treasurer for years and Marian never turned in a bill.

"We all felt terrible," Kate said. "We wrote letters to her and all that, but how do you make up for never noticing, never saying 'Thanks' while she was with us?

"I'm ashamed to say we never really saw Marian for who she was."

Don't we all do that, even with people we love?

For instance, we parents sometimes fall into that trap with our children.

We assume our "good kid," the one who almost never worries us and always finishes homework and chores–doesn't need our attention or our praise.

On the other hand, our child who struggles, the one who keeps us frustrated–and praying–gets extra time and we're ready to applaud every little accomplishment. We tell ourselves that one needs it more.

That's understandable, sure, but is it fair?

It can happen in a marriage, too

It's easy for a husband and wife to get used to their couple style and just bump around in the same life hardly noticing each other. Over time that can rob a marriage of its sparkle.

Or one spouse may under-value the fact their mate has a faithful, giving heart full of love and say, "Oh well, that's just how he (or she) is."

Words like that make it sound as if it costs nothing to be loving and to be one who can be counted on because "that's just how they are."

In marriage–and in life–it's way too easy to take a person's love and support for granted, as we do having air to breathe.

The one who feels unappreciated may think, Why bother?

Always, love is an action verb

The good, quiet people live in the same world as everyone else. They face pressures and get tired and sometimes want to quit, too.

But they don't. They stay.

They keep doing what needs doing and what they're supposed to do, without reminders. Without being noticed. All the while they're living out love.

Do we see them? (And cherish them if we live with them?)

Do we tell them we appreciate them and their generous hearts?

Do we let them know they are loved?

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.                                                            Proverbs 25:11 ESV

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. Philippians 1:3 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34 ESV

This Thanksgiving season let's express what we feel

Let's resolve to say "Thank you" more often. Let's say that word, write that note, make that call now.

Who do you know that's a hero who keeps on keepin' on and could use a verbal pat on the back?

Who do you know that needs your good words?

Still learning, always,

Lenore

Let’s open our eyes to all the quiet heroes in our midst

November 11, 2020
Is the steady drip, drip, drip of negative news getting to you?

If you're like me, you're nodding your head in agreement.

TV newscasters constantly proclaim new reasons to panic–or at least be fearful. We "little people" struggle to distinguish between what's true and what's just another deceptive suggestion.

Here's a tip to save your sanity. For decades the maxim in the news business has been:

If it bleeds, it leads.

Obviously, politicians and wannabes live by this slogan, too. That's why so many of their speeches feature "If __, then __ ."

Conjecture soon is reported as fact by everyone who stands in front of a TV camera and then repeated by every broadcaster.

Soon the rest of us are saying to each other, "Well, it must be true because that's what I hear on all the TV channels."

Always, we get to choose. Will we panic or will we breathe deep and hang on tight to a realistic perspective?

What if it's real? What if it's close to home?

Certainly, this worldwide pandemic is real. No wonder we're nervous, maybe even running scared. Everything keeps changing, from one report to the next. All we can do is follow instructions and try to live healthy.

That may not be the whole story. We may face a serious problem or a scary illness. Or perhaps someone we know and love is having a hard time. We don't know how to help. We can't go where they are and just hold them close.

No matter what the situation, you and I still have the power to speak hope. To shine a ray of light into the life of a person who feels overwhelmed, whether in our family, our church or our community.

How? By staying in touch. By sprinkling words of hope into our texts and conversations. As we tell others to look on the bright side, we'll be encouraging ourselves, too.

This may not seem like much, but it can be huge

Our words matter. Think of tossing a stone into a pond and watching how the ripples spread.

Many great national leaders of the past understood that.

Take President Franklin D. Roosevelt, for example, elected in 1932, in the midst of the Great Depression. Love him or hate him, it took courage for FDR to say in his inaugural speech:

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

No doubt many thought he was mad. Yet his words lifted hearts all across the country and became FDR's most-remembered statement.

The effects of the Depression lingered for years. Then, nine years later, came Pearl Harbor and World War II.

The Brits were already at war and they needed hope, too

They got it from their prime minister, Winston Churchill. He regularly broadcast to his nation and his defiant words put iron in British spines.

Take his slogan, "KBO." That stood for, "Keep Buggerin' On."

That's exactly what thousands of Londoners did during enemy nighttime bombing raids. I knew a couple of those Brits. For months on end they spent every night in the city's subway tunnels, trying to sleep–on benches, on the floor, on the platforms. Every morning they dragged themselves topside and looked around at new destruction and piles of rubble. Then they dug in and cleared away wreckage and buried the bodies of those who were killed. All this besides keeping at their work, doing whatever it took to keep the country going.

In Brit-speak, they kept buggerin' on.

Another of Churchill's famous statements has hung above my desk for years: "Never, never, never give up!"

Throughout WW II, FDR and Churchill both held out hope and it shone as brightly in the gloom as a miner's lamp in a coal mine. No wonder people clustered around radio sets and hung on their every word.

Hope is as necessary for life as oxygen is for the lungs

Every day you and I broadcast to an audience–our loved ones or people around us–usually one person at a time. Do we more often speak words that lift that person's spirit? Or do we simply add to their load of discouragement?

Let's be prepared, ready with hopeful Bible verses that reassure. (If they speak to our hearts, chances are they will to another, as well.) Here are three for starters:

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. –Psalm 62:5

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint. -Psalm 40:31

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. –Romans 15:13

The Bible is a treasure trove. Why not keep track of verses that speak to you so you can pass them on?

And no matter what comes, let's smile and "K.B.O."

Lenore

How shall we get through this? Speak hope

March 26, 2020
We all carry around within us a self-image that traces to words.

Good words and not-so-good words, usually from someone we looked up to.
Dads. Moms. Other family members. Teachers. Coaches.

If your memories of childhood only make you smile, you're blessed.

Many were not so fortunate. Maybe you've spent most of your life trying to forget what someone said or the name(s) they called you.

The people we love and respect hold the power to wound us most deeply, whether deliberately or unintentionally.

Some of us heard words like these as we were growing up

"You make me sick!"

"Can't you ever do anything right?"

"You've always been a loser and you're headed for trouble, I just know it."

Words like these lodge deep down within a child or teenager and cloud their view of themselves and what's possible.

Even between adults this kind of talk can poison self-esteem and shred the fabric of a marriage.

In some families–or marriages–hurtful remarks are so routine it may appear no one is paying attention to what's said. That doesn't mean they slide off us like rain on a windowpane. Our careless words can sting and leave scars, even–or perhaps more so–if we hear them all the time and think we're tuning them out.

(And have you noticed how one biting word leads to an even worse response?)

You and I are not immune simply because we're Christians. As usual, the Apostle Paul had something to say about this:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. –Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

The past is behind us, but the future lies ahead

It's important to know we don't have to carry around those old negative labels and messages for the rest of our lives. You are not the labels someone else hung on you!

You are you. Not perfect, but on the grow.

So dig out that old list and look at those rocks of desperation in the light of adulthood. Let them shrink down to their appropriate size, which will be close to zero.

(If you can't shake them yourself, schedule a few visits with a licensed counselor.)

After that do an honest self-assessment. If you're comfortable with it, show it to people who know you well and will give you an honest read on who you are. Let them tell you who you are.

Then believe it!

What if within our own family we specialized on life-giving words?

No parent–or spouse–is perfect, but we can change. At any age. Or rather, God can change us and we can grow into a person who speaks life.

Life-giving words can change lives.

Let's be clear. "Life-giving words" are not the same as the practice of telling children, "You're amazing!" for every little thing.

What truly helps youngsters feel good about themselves and builds their self-confidence is when we compliment their honest efforts and can smile even when they come out on the losing side. That's the time to say, "I was proud of you today. You played a good game!" (Or, "You tried really hard and that will pay off.")

The great thing–and a hard thing–is that we parents need to pay attention so our words count. "I know you studied and you did your best on that test, so I'm proud of you." "I saw you being kind to your little sister just now and that makes me proud of you and your generous heart."

This kind of compliment helps kids know what matters most. They'll stand a little taller than before you spoke. Life-giving words also show that Dad or Mom value character more than simply coming out on top.

Our words gain authenticity when children can see that's how their parents live their lives, too.

It's not only children who crave words that give life

Adults are just grown-up kids who live on a steady diet of pressure. No wonder husbands and wives hunger to hear good words from each other.

But over time it's oh so easy to lose touch and to live as "married singles."

Life-giving words nourish and strengthen the marriage bond, even when it seems to be gasping for life. Force-feeding sweet words feels phony–and it is. Steady and sincere love–in word and actions–is far more effective, recognizing from the start that new growth may take time.

What kind of words?

"I know you have it within you to be a success at whatever you do."

"Thanks. I appreciate you."

"It means so much to know I can always count on you."

"I love you."

Do you think a steady diet of such words would change the climate within a home–or send a youngster into the world feeling secure?

(Would it make your heart smile if your wife or husband frequently spoke to you that way?)

Again, Paul lays out our motivation.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness and patience. . . . And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. –Colossians 3:12,17 (NIV)

There you have it, the basis for all our words. Within our own homes, our own marriages and families, let's speak words that give life to the people around us.

They're the gift that truly does keep giving–for life.

Still growing, too,

Lenore
Who told you who you are–and do you still believe it?

June 13, 2018
Another Thanksgiving Day is upon us, a day to count our blessings and thank the Giver.

Yet the news is filled with terrorist acts. We're more likely to be counting our reasons to feel anxious than reasons to celebrate what's good.

As always, it's all about our perspective.

Picture that first Thanksgiving in 1621. Late the previous autumn the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth, MA, with 102 people. Now only 50 adults remained alive. The original group included 18 adult women, but only four lived to see that first Thanksgiving.

Yet those survivors set aside a day to give thanks to God.

It's the same today as at that first Thanksgiving. Having a thankful heart has nothing to do with abundance. Or with everything going just right in our lives.

The Pilgrims knew the real "why" for giving thanks and we can, too.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting. –Psalm 118:29 (NASB)

Gratitude flows from remembering the Giver

Here's a new twist on how to keep track of our blessings.

I heard an interview with a man who works with recovering alcoholics and their families. He passed on one practice that has worked well with his clients. It can benefit you and me, too.

It's a simple process: Keep gratitude lists for our lives.

Keep one for each family member, one for work, one for school, etc. Use regular paper or sticky notes.

Look for things to be thankful for in each person and in each situation

Add to our list(s) whenever we notice something more

Reread our lists (or notes) frequently

Notice how our awareness and sense of gratitude grows

The counselor said even troubled people in hard circumstances found their point-of-view changed. Although everything in their lives might stay the same, these individuals became happier and more contented.

He said writing down how we're blessed is effective it helps us learn that rich or poor, married or single, our happiness is our own responsibility.

Using sticky notes to affirm others

We can help each other along by being encouragers. Sometimes we find it easier to compliment "outsiders" than our own family members.

No flowery speeches needed. Just a few words on a sticky note can break down barriers:

"Thanks for making your bed."

"I'm so glad I'm married to you!"

"Thanks for letting your brother go first."

"Great report card!"

You get the picture.

Taking it one step further

Another speaker suggested sticky notes can help break bad habits and form new ones. She wrote reminders to herself and placed them around the house. Like "Remember your diet!" on her stash of chocolates.

Because she wanted to start being a more positive person, she wrote, "Smile!" on sticky notes. She stuck the little reminders on her bathroom mirror, on her computer screen, over the stove, in her car, etc.

Later she began writing favorite Bible passages on pieces of paper and Scotch-taping them around the house, every day a new one. She found it made a dramatic difference in her perspective on life.

I've done that, too, in a sort of disorganized fashion. Here are some of my favorite reassuring verses:

The joy of the LORD is your strength. –Nehemiah 8:10

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed. He remembers that we are dust.                                                                                          —Psalm 103 :13-14

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.                                                                                          –Psalm 46:1-2

The reason for thanks is because God is good

So good He offers us salvation through Jesus Christ:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. –John 3:16

Happy Thanks-giving–every day!

By the way, I give thanks for each of you who stop by for a visit now and then. Truly, I do.

Love,

Lenore
How sticky notes can raise your happiness level

November 24, 2015
Even though we know education has changed radically, most of us think we pretty much know what's being taught. Even sex education classes, which used to be controversial, have become routine in most public schools.

Besides, we can trust the carefully-chosen books our local schools give out to students. Right?

Maybe not.

Back in August one mom in Fremont, CA, bothered to read this new textbook, slated for use this fall with 9th graders in Fremont Unified School District high schools.

She was shocked by the section on sex–and said so. She told others and more parents demanded a look-see. Protests grew.

One mom said, "The main thing is this book treats the kids as adults and the content is adult. For a 14-year old kid, to introduce him to these things, I don't think it is right at this stage."

What things? Listen to a dad: "When I looked at the book, I couldn't believe the topics that were in there. . . Bondage? How is that a healthy thing to teach a ninth-grade student?"

That's not all

Your Health Today is published by McGraw Hill. Board members who spent $204,600 to purchase it pronounced it a textbook on healthy living, with one section devoted to sex. One says a poll of students revealed many ninth-graders in their schools already are sexually active, so they need to know "the facts."

Over 1,700 parents objected to the "facts" depicted. They signed a petition to remove the book, which covers sexual positions, fantasies and games, how to use vibrators and sex toys, bondage with ropes, handcuffs and blindfolds–and more.

Like how to tell your sexual partner(s) about previous sexual partners.

Like how to find sex websites and where to buy various equipment.

When school officials and board members finally met with the standing-room-only crowd of protesters, comments went on for hours. Later it was announced the book will not be used this fall.

I don't live in Fremont. Why should I care?

If you, like me, believe what's taught in the schools affects our society, either now or in years to come, it matters.

We all need to pay attention and be informed, then speak up. If we don't, who will?

But let's be constructive instead of critical. Let's appreciate the many good teachers who day-after-day do their best to instruct and care for students. Let's encourage parents and teens in our community and church who are trying.

Even if our children are grown we have a part to play. Suppose instead of negative comments we daily prayed for harried parents and teachers–and teenagers–who are dealing with life as it is today.

Living God's way in today's warped society is hard. A good word from you or me could recharge them not to wimp out.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. –1 Thessalonians 5:11

We are here today and this is the world we live in

This one school made the news, but that doesn't mean it's the only one using questionable teaching materials or practices.

Here are links to earlier posts that talk about that.

http://awomansview.typepad.com/a_womans_view/2013/08/get-your-kids-ready-for-the-new-gender-attitudes-at-school.html

http://awomansview.typepad.com/a_womans_view/2011/10/are-you-female-male-both-or-neither.html

We are not alone!

It helps to be informed with current information and terminology, presented with a Christian perspective. The books I know best are in the well-respected Learning about Sex series from Concordia Publishing House, now in its Fifth Edition. (See link and more info in right-hand column.)

If all this sounds daunting, let's remember this.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. –2 Timothy 1:7

Growing, too,

Lenore

Related articles

How to survive your child's teenage years

Help your children get solidly grounded

Are you sure you know what your school is teaching your kids?

September 4, 2014
It's a line we hear a lot, especially on talk shows and newscasts, "He/she never really had a chance."

Oh, yeah?

Meet Anthony Robles, a senior at Arizona State. In March, 2011, he captured the PAC 10 NCAA Wrestling Championship in the 125 lb. class. This came after a season in which he scored 36 wins and 0 losses.

Imagine the shock his 16-year old mother felt as she gazed at her son for the first time. Their problems looked to be insurmountable.

Not necessarily.

"My mom always told me when I was younger that God made me this way for a reason and I didn't understand what that meant," Anthony says.

He told one interviewer he can't remember ever feeling sorry for himself. His mother and stepfather raised him to believe he could do anything he set his mind to.

"I grew up thinking that way. I didn't think of my condition as something that could hold me back. I just thought this is how God made me and I'm going to make the best of it . . . . "

So seven-year old Anthony decided it took too long to put on his prosthesis and abandoned it for crutches. Nobody thought he could do it, but he rode a bike at age five and later played football. A few years ago in the fall he covered the ASU one-mile track in ten minutes. By spring he did it in eight. Regulars got used to seeing Anthony lifting weights, "running" mile-after-mile on the track and climbing the Stadium stairs as part of his training. He even climbed rocky Squaw Peak with his team, making it to the top in half an hour.

"My parents raised me to believe there was nothing I couldn't do," he says.

Coach Thom Ortiz says Anthony never asked for nor expected any special treatment. That reflects his mother's attitude. She told an interviewer. "He is a blessing. Don't treat him like he's something, but don't treat him like he's nothing, either. Just treat him like Anthony."

After college he plans a speaking career. This young man won't need any visual aids, because he is one. He has a powerful message about living with challenges. "It doesn't have to be a missing leg. You could have any obstacle in your life . . . Don't stay concerned with the negatives–what can hold me back, what my disadvantages are. I stay focused on the positive thing–what I have, what I can do."

Judy Robles fascinates me as much as her son. What enabled her to stay instead of walking away from her one-legged son? What kept her from becoming an alcoholic or getting strung out on drugs? Where did she find the strength to go on as she watched her little boy struggle and fall down, again and again?

She could have handled it by saying, "Oh, you poor thing. Here, let Mommy do that for you." Instead, she taught Anthony that God made him the way he is for a reason and if he set his mind to it, he could do anything.

Two kinds of mother love. Two kinds of motivation.

Since we know Judy Robles is a Christian, it seems reasonable to think she depended on God and on Bible verses like this for comfort and to keep her going.

I can do everything through him who gives who gives me strength. –Philippians 4:8

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book

–Psalm 56:8 (New Living Translation)

So what do you think, does faith in God make a difference in how we face obstacles?

You tell me.

Lovingly,

Lenore

Note: Quotes come from the numerous newspaper and magazine articles I found when I Googled "Anthony Robles."

Does faith in God make a difference when we face obstacles?

April 16, 2011
In Grapevine, Texas, it all started with one man, during the 2008 football season. That's when Coach Chris Hogan made a strange request.

fans.

Gainesville State School is a State Juvenile Correctional Facility for 13 year-old to 19 year-old convicted serious offenders. The 14 teenagers on their football team had been convicted of crimes ranging from drugs to assault to robbery. Few had any contact with their families. They were allowed to play on the Tornadoes team only so long as they maintained strict standards of conduct and academics. Coach Mark Williams worked with players who practiced and played with used, outdated equipment.

Faith Christian Academy basked in 70 players, 11 coaches, and the finest equipment.

Faith's Head Coach Hogan knew no one would cheer for the Gainesville team. He came up with a radical idea. He would ask half the fans and half the cheerleaders to root for the Gainesville team, for just that one night, November 7th. Hogan sent an e-mail around to fans and families that read, "Let's send a message to the Gainesville team." he wrote, "You're just as valuable as any other person on the planet."

Hogan told a player who asked why, "Imagine you don't have a home life, no one to love you, no one pulling for you. Imagine that everyone pretty much has given up on you. Now, imagine what it would feel like and mean to you for hundreds of people to suddenly believe in you."

Coach Hogan's idea caught on. When the Gainesville players appeared they ran through their first-ever spirit line, a long line made up of parents, cheerleaders and students. They even crashed through their first banner, made by Faith Academy cheerleaders. Once players were on the field, a crowd of Faith Christian parents and fans seated themselves in the Visitors stands as well as their own.

Isaiah, the Gainesville quarterback-middle linebacker said, "I never in my life thought I would hear parents cheering for us to tackle and hit their kid. Most of the time, when we come out, people are afraid of us, you can see it in their eyes. But these people were yelling for us. They knew our names."

As expected, Faith Academy won the game, 33-14. After the game both teams gathered at the 50-yard line to pray. To everyone's surprise Isaiah, the teenage convict-quarterback , asked if he could pray. He prayed, "Lord, I don't know what just happened so I dont know how or who to say thank you to, but I never knew there were so many people in the world who cared about us."

The people of Faith Christian Academy weren't done yet. As Gainesville players walked back to the bus under guard, each one was given a burger, fries, a coke, candy, a Bible, and an encouraging letter from the Faith Academy players .

A reporter for The Dallas Morning News quoted Coach Hogan's rationale. "We wanted to show them unconditional love," he said. "Love covers a multitude of sins, the Bible says, and it wasn't just the Gainesville kids, because we've all sinned. That night, love covered everything up."

That game was not the end of it. Grapevine residents and outsiders continued to provide support for these young men. As each one completed their sentences most had no family ready to welcome them back. So several of the released prisoners went home to stay with Grapevine families.

Since that 2008 football game the story has spread through various media outlets. Coach Hogan was invited to be a guest at the 2009 Super Bowl. This fall a movie is scheduled for release and you can watch the promo if you Google www.oneheart.com .

It began when one Christian individual inspired others to be salt and light in their community. When Jesus talked about that in Matthew 5:13-16, He wanted us to know that our deeds, small and big, have impact. Who knows how He will use them?

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)

Blessings,

Lenore

Can one person change the world–or one community?

February 15, 2011