Category: Happy moms

Most of us know the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

When I first read those words on a gift shop plaque I didn't have to ask myself whether the saying was true.

All I had to do was remember. With regret.

As a young mom, some days I got up in a bad mood–and spread it around. On those mornings, Mama, the Martyr, would prepare a healthy breakfast for her family–and serve it without a word.

Mama didn't smile, so neither did anyone else.

Our otherwise bouncing, laughing young daughters would eat silently, then escape ASAP, whether to another room or to wait for the school bus. My sweet husband would gulp down his breakfast, then head for the door with a wave instead of grabbing me for a kiss as he usually did.

And I understood why.

Who could blame them?

Their moods affected me, too, of course. As in every family, our four kids sometimes couldn't stand each other, resulting in a tiresome refrain of, "Mommy, make her leave me alone!"

Do you think their whining lifted my spirits and made me a happy mama? Nope.

Over time I figured out some major truths:

Whatever the cause of my bad mood I didn't have the right to take it out on my husband and kids. Besides, that never changed anything for the better.

In any and every situation, our mindset determines how we feel–and how we act.

As Abraham Lincoln, the world-famous mental health professional, put it: "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Always, our words can lift each other up or tear each other down

That's true in parenting. True in a marriage. It's true on the job.

If our kids struggle they don't need our analysis of what's wrong. They need our love and encouragement and quiet listening.

When they slip up it's okay to gently stick to our family standards, along with talking over the whys of why we have them. Then comes the next lesson as we hand out appropriate penalties.

Allowing our children some freedom to make choices–and also allowing them to live with the consequences of their choices–can be painful, but it grows maturity and confidence.

They grow stronger from within.

What about teenagers?

Teenagers are on their bumpy way to adulthood. Yes, they need truth and common sense about how to handle life, but it's equally important that they hear us speak our faith and confidence in them as individuals.

It's good to help them learn life skills by letting them cope. (They'll make mistakes.) They crave words like, "I know you can handle this challenge, because I know how strong and determined you are. I believe in you and so does God and we always, always love you, no matter what."

Sometimes teens seem so self-assured we think we as parents are irrelevant.

Not true! Every survey of teenagers says they want their parents' respect and value their parents' opinions more than any of their peers.

When we speak love we give them what they need most. If we doubt that's true, all we have to do is ask ourselves what we want and need.

Widen the circle

Let's not stop there. Our kind words can lift the hearts of people around us, too.

Picture the mom whose kids are acting up in the Food Court at your local mall, the one who looks frazzled and beat. What if you stopped and said to her, "You have a beautiful family. I can see in your eyes how much you love your children."

What about the co-worker who seems depressed? What better opportunity to point out some instances when they helped you or someone else? Small kindnesses can make a difference in someone's day.

Or suppose you were chairing a women's event at your church. Someone spills punch all over the serving table. You keep smiling as you mop up the mess. Imagine if one woman told you, "Good job! I watched you calmly deal with the crisis moment and you really have a way with people."

Wouldn't you treasure her words?

Kind words are as sweet as cool water to parched lips–and they cost us nothing

If we put on eyes to see and mentally walk in someone else's shoes we'll know what they need to hear.

The big surprise is that we get back what we give out. If by our words and actions we give out love and kindness, that's what we'll receive in return. It's never too late to begin, even if it feels forced at the beginning.

This is not new theory. Solomon and the Apostle Paul wrote:

Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word lifts us up . . . Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.

  Proverbs 12:25 (The Message) and Ephesians 4:29 NIV

This is hardest to maintain within our marriages and families, because both are 24/7 and we have no place to hide.

When we blow it–and we will–we lay our failures at the cross of Jesus and begin again.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV

How can we change from within? Where do we start?

And exactly how does that work? I know no better answer than this:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

When we trust in Jesus, we have a Helper who walks with us through every day and gives us strength to become the individuals who brighten the world we live in. Because our words lift up the people around us.

And isn't that who we want to be?

Blessings from one who learned to mind her mindset,

Lenore

You can change your world with your words

November 5, 2021
Dear Moms,

Trust me: It's all worth it!

You recognize the sweet moments of mothering for what they are.

Here's what I know now that I missed when our children were growing up:

The not-so-sweet moments are worth just as much.

From this vantage point I understand that every day is a "puzzle piece" in the whole of your life.

Those "nothing days" add depth you can't recognize in the middle of making a life. The tiresome, mundane stuff you do every day just because you're a mom are necessary to complete the design.

It's easy to lose sight of that in the middle of changing one more poopy diaper. Or mopping up spills on the floor you just cleaned. (Why can't it stay clean at least one day?) Or listening to another recital of, "Mommeee, look what he did to me!" followed by, "It's not my fault. She started it!"

I confess that too often I forgot that the chaos was happy chaos and forgot to appreciate that my life was good and rich and full.

Maybe you do, too.

Keep the Big Picture in Mind

I know now that every day counts, even those days so pointless or frustrating you could scream. You are leaving tracks on your child's tomorrows, one tiny bit at a time.

The old truth, "More is caught than taught," applies here.

Mom love often looks like cleaning up and mopping up. Loving and praying for strength. Cooking and packing lunches. Throwing smelly clothes into the washer. Loving and praying for patience. Chauffeuring kids and cleaning up messes and loving. Praying to know what to do. Forgiving and forgetting. Loving. Praying. Falling into bed exhausted and starting over the next morning.

Take a fresh look. See your life for what it is: a work-in-progress

That's fitting, since your children, too, are a work-in-progress.

Every part of every day, they're growing.

Whatever stage they're in, they are in the process of becoming.

You are, too.

So relax

Let go of straining to "do it right." Forget keeping track of how many boxes you can check on the latest "Effective Parenting Techniques" list.

Your kids are following you around, watching how you role-model dealing with everyday life. Every day they conduct their own comparison study on whether what you do matches what you say.

That's what they'll remember–and copy–as they live their lives.

Please take that as encouragement. If you're loving your kids and forgiving them when they mess up and accepting them for who they are, that's what they'll remember.

And you are not on your own. Just ask God to show you the way to love your family as they need to be loved and to give you strength for the day. You can trust Him to be faithful.

So just love your kids and be yourself. It's okay not to be The Coolest Mom on the Block.

Take the Long View

Will it all be good? Maybe not. You might travel through some rough patches or trying years. One child may be extra hard to handle or have special needs that don't go away. Another may develop big problems you hadn't noticed earlier. Your teenager or young adult child may disappoint you. Or worry you. Or drive you to your knees.

Not one of us wants our children to struggle, but it doesn't mean God has walked away.

From the struggle may come the strength, for them and for you.

Remember, He's growing you, too.

Where to turn when you feel overwhelmed

Don't hang around in risky territory, such as thinking I can't take any more of this. You can get stuck in that quicksand.

Take charge of your thoughts. (I promise it gets easier with practice.)

Focus your attention on the privilege of rearing the children you've been given. Even on your most trying days, remember this:

God gave you your children because you are just right for each other.

Some days you may run on empty

That's the time to put the good stuff in. Find some Bible verses that speak to your heart and fill your mind with them. I find it helps me to change my mindset if I repeat favorite Bible verses to myself.

Here's a favorite Bible verse you probably know. I underlined it in my Bible years ago and it still speaks to me when I'm feeling weary.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31

Dear friends and fellow moms, breathe in that strength that never runs out and hang on. You are right where you're supposed to be and every day counts.

Take it from one who found it to be true: It's all worth it!

Love from my heart to yours,

Lenore

A love note to moms, the real movers and shakers

July 11, 2018
Just the other day I heard a mom say, "I love my kids, but somewhere along the way I lost myself."

Another mom said, "My children are my life! They take all my time and fill up all my heart.

"But the other night my husband told me at work he's respected and looked up to, but at home he feels invisible.

"I couldn't tell him what I was feeling, which is that I have nothing left to give."

Can you relate?

Being a mom takes all we have and then some. It can blot out everything and everyone else and leave us feeling wrung-out.

Beware making it a way of life.

What's that supposed to mean?

When our four girls were growing up I often felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities–and I was.

A wonderful friend from our church told me early on. "Always remember you started with the two of you and the love between you. Guard your marriage relationship well.

"Find a way to make time each day for the two of you. You both need that connecting to remember who you are.

"I always made sure Jim knew I loved him most and I can tell you, it works. We still had something going between us when our kids grew up and went off to their own lives."

We knew by their body language it worked, so we tried to live it.

Yes, it makes a difference.

It's possible to be too proud of being a "good mother"

Everyone knows someone always described as "such a good mom she puts the rest of us to shame."

She always picks up the slack for her kids. She helps them with homework and cleans up their messes. Runs to the school with forgotten lunches and gym clothes. Fights their battles against "too hard on them" teachers and anyone who ever picks on her child. And of course, she always goes along on school field trips.

She does it all out of love, so who would fault her?

Call me crazy, but I would.

Okay, smarty pants, what makes a good mom or a good dad?

For awhile I was impressed by a mom like that who lived up the road. I was convinced she must be a better mother.

Thank God I heard an older friend state her philosophy of being a mom:

"A mother's job is to work herself out of a job–long before her children leave home."

She explained what she meant. We parents need to let our children learn from their choices and mistakes. If they forget their homework, their grade will suffer–and they'll learn. If they forget their gym clothes they'll sit on the bench and be bored–and never forget again. If they don't take their lunch today, they may be hungry, but they'll remember to take it tomorrow.

A youngster who learns from (small) choices and (small) mistakes grows up knowing that everything is a choice–and every choice has a consequence, good or bad.

That's a handy thing to know all through life and makes for stronger individuals.

Which, come to think of it, helps Mom remember who she is and why she married Dad.

We lived it at our house and it works.

In fact, that's the basis for my book, Godly Moms: Strength from the Inside Out. (See book cover and link on the sidebar.)

With love,

Lenore

How to survive being a mom

October 23, 2014
If you doubt that moms matter, ask any USPS employee groaning under a load of Mother's Day cards.

Everybody is somebody's child and this holiday prods us to send our mothers, stepmothers and grandmothers a card that communicates love.

Some of us feel like "invisible moms" and wonder if anyone notices what we do for them day after day. Mother's Day cards give us visible proof they do, at least for this one day.

Other moms feel guilty because they think they haven't lived up to the Mother's Day cards they received. All the hearts-and-flowers and gushy language seem meant for someone else.

Relax. Most of us moms do the best we can with what we know at the time

It's taken me years to understand I can't judge yesterday by what I know today. Sure, I made mistakes. We all do. But if I put on my kinder, gentler eyeglasses I sometimes marvel I didn't make more.

We forgive others. Let's forgive ourselves, too, and remember no matter how much we grow, we remain (imperfect) human beings.

Let the love flow

Sometimes problems develop in our relationships. Mother's Day provides a built-in excuse to reconnect. The familiar rituals of calling, sending cards and/or getting together can help heal strained relationships and restart communication. Let Mother's Day mark the turning point.

Our adult children usually live with crowded schedules. That means any opportunity to spend time with our children–and grandchildren–is precious and leaves us cheering.

Count me in that crowd. You may remember we have four children and eight grandchildren and time with any of them is my favorite thing. Anytime. Anywhere.

Why not give back?

Several years back I stumbled on a way to make the Mother's Day glow hang around for months. I know now this simple practice also helps our daughters and me to stay close.

It's not complicated or costly. Sometime before Mother's Day I shop for uncommon cards or note cards. Then I write each daughter an individual note, including items such as:

What I think makes her unique and special

Qualities I see in her that I appreciate and love

What I admire about the way she lives her life

A special memory of her from her growing up years

Sincere thanks for her thoughtfulness and kindnesses to me/us, whether recent or in the past

I close each love note with a reminder that I pray for each of them and their families each day.

Wouldn't you and I have treasured receiving a note like that from our parents?

At different times each of our girls has said how much they look forward to getting their annual Mother's Day note from me and how often they reread it.

By the way, don't worry if your note doesn't arrive before Mother's Day. Your words will linger and bless your children every time they think of it.

Consider it one more way to make love visible:

Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. –1 John 3:18 (NIV)

Growing with you,

Lenore

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What I know now about being a mom that I wish I knew then

How sticky notes can raise your happiness level

Do your kids a favor and tell them life is not fair
For moms, the real movers and shakers

May 1, 2014
Am I excited? You betcha.

The longest pregnancy in the history of the world is about to end. Delivery date is near, about June 7th, and I'm getting anxious to hold my "baby" in my arms, um, hands. I already know this one will not look a bit like my husband or me.

But anyone who takes a good long look will know she's mine.

Maybe you already guessed I'm talking about my new book. Want a sneak peek at the cover? Here she is–and I think she's beautiful.

She has a rather long name. Godly Moms: Strength from the Inside Out.

This "baby" came to be because I love being a mom and I've known so many great moms.

Somehow these days being a mother seems to get less respect. Think of that expression, "I'm just a mom."

As if. As if any mom is "just" anything.

During the growing-up years of our four girls, I wasn't sure. Now I have a longer perspective. We moms leave our imprint on our children, sure, but also on generations yet to be born.

That's not a "just!"

Now I know by experience as well as by faith that when we struggle and stumble and pray, "Help me, please!" God hears. He helps us through.

Godly Moms is the book I yearned for, but never found

This is my fifth book, but the first time I've had such a clear sense I had to write it.

That's because I talk to many moms, wonderful moms, who are trying with all that's in them to be good mothers. They often feel so immersed in motherhood they fear they're losing who they are and imagine any flunkie could do what they do.

I well remember that feeling.

Now I know for sure that being a mom matters more than any mom ever knows while she's in the middle of the hectic years and falling into bed every night, exhausted.

My passion is for moms to understand this in-the-midst, rather than later on as they look back.

In my small way I want this book to provide the reassurance I so much longed to have.

A mom has lasting influence

What's more, we get to choose whether that will be positive or negative.

God puts us moms and our children together. That's just as true for mothers who adopt and with stepmoms.

Someone reading this is saying, "You wouldn't talk that way if you had my child. That kid is driving me crazy!"

Oh yes I would. I walked that same stormy path for years and prayed for strength all day, every day. That's why I read and studied about parenting and family relationships, which turned out to be a great blessing.

At the time I didn't realize how much I was growing within myself and in faith and knowledge. You might say our daughters provided me with an ongoing personal growth program and I wouldn't trade those years for anything. Truly, I thank God for them–and for our family.

Godly Moms: Strength from the Inside Out. What's that all about?

Maybe it sounds intimidating to you. Not to worry.

A "godly mom" is a Christian mom who teaches her children to love Jesus and treats them with love, kindness and encouragement.

"Strength from the inside out" means she knows the source of the help and strength it takes to rear children. She wants her kids to know that same inner strength and possess it as well.

It's as 2 Corinthians 3:5 ((ESV) puts it:

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.

By the way, that verse applies to me writing Godly Moms, too. I await its "birth" with a thankful and humble heart and pray it will be a blessing.

With love from another mom,

Lenore

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How do we stay strong in shaky times?

Do children thrive best with more help or less help?

Big news! I am expecting!

May 15, 2013