Category: Inner Strength

The first word stops us, doesn't it? Everyday struggles.

Life is full of things (and people) that get in the way of easy days and a trouble-free life. What matters most is how we label our experiences–in the moment or years later–and that's up to us.

Take hardship, for example. At any age or stage of life, hardship is real–and it's hard. Some who experienced it seem unable to move past an inability to cope with the ordinary ups and downs of living. Others, endowed with a different temperament, take their hardship and grow stronger. For them, being stretched to the max again and again worked the ability to persevere, whatever the circumstance.

Privilege is real, too. Some build on it and use it as the starter for what they later accomplish as individuals. Others who were born into privilege–or got there by their own efforts–morph into adults who lack ambition and see themselves as always-blameless in a blaming world.

Any time spent watching daytime TV makes it obvious that one's status and position can impair one's vision. This is old news. Poet Robert Burns who lived in the 1700s makes that clear:

"Oh would some power the giftie gie us, To see ourselves as others see us."

The question is, how will we view our lives?

Many individuals acclaimed as heroes and people of strength grew up in humble circumstances. President Abraham Lincoln always leads my list. He came from a poor family and lacked the advantages so often considered essential to success.

Rather than lean on that as an excuse, Lincoln learned from it. Later he summed up a foundational truth of mental health using his customary simple words:

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

It's humbling to think of it that way, isn't it? His words imply that each of us wields at least some power over our happiness, even if we lack resources and haven't had a break in forever.

What's more, we alone pronounce ourselves either happy and content or miserable and hopeless.

That last truth hit me with new force when I read this line from Author Paul David Tripp:

"No one is more influential in your life than you are because no one talks to you more than you do." —New Morning Mercies.

The root issue: What are we aiming for?

Often it is not what first appears obvious.

Think of news reports that feature individuals whom we might think were born into or in some way came to be endowed with many advantages in their life. That would inspire gratitude in them, right?

Not necessarily. Sometimes these folks tell another story. They judge people around them–even those who showed love and care for them–to be unsupportive–and they won't let it go. They lash out with words and actions that reveal their mindset to be, "Get even" and "Hurt them more than they hurt me."

Few among us would consider this a good way to restore relationships or make a fresh start. Before we get to feeling superior we need to ask ourselves, "What about us? How do we handle our wounds and our woes?"

The late Viktor Frankl lost everything and everyone he loved in the Holocaust, yet he forged an enduring response to that question while imprisoned. He credited this mindset with enabling him to survive that Nazi hell-hole:

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

Frankl's strength came from realizing that whoever we are and whatever our life may be, we still retain absolute power over how we view it.

Timothy Keller, a Christian pastor, recently stated the same truth:

"What determines whether you enjoy your life is not a particular set of circumstances–though you should change evil circumstances if you can–but ultimately it is how the heart responds with them."

The point is …

We're not meant to live our lives governed by what has happened to us or what is happening in our lives or even what may come in the future. Struggles of one kind or another pop up and recur in everyone's life. It's how we deal with them that makes the difference.

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.   –Author Carl Bard

We're not the first and we will not be the last to face everyday struggles. That makes it wise to get our minds in gear and be ready to counter discouragement with lasting truth.

For starters, here are some Bible promises I keep going back to. I pray they will speak to your heart, too.

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you through it.   1 Corinthians 10:13 The Message

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 ESV

[Jesus said] "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Dear Reader, may you know His peace in whatever comes,

Lenore

Everyday struggles: Millstone or stepping stone?

January 26, 2023
Most parents want their kids to sail through childhood and adolescence trouble-free, then grow up to be strong, right-thinking adults.

But how can we do that?

Forget checking Google for THE perfect formula for each individual child.

There is no such thing.

How could there be? The Bible tells us every human being is one-of-a-kind, fearfully and wonderfully made.

That's why every parent with more than one child soon discovers what they learned with Child A isn't much help with Child B.

Besides, no one has discovered a way to spare our kids the pain of learning by experience.

What we can do is give them a solid start and help them find their own way.

Everything rests on planting truths that endure

Whatever the ages of our children, we start now. With ourselves.

We make a conscious effort to live out the values we say we want them to have.

If we talk it but don't live it, our words are just words.

You see, every child comes equipped with the ability to spot hypocrisy and they're quick to point it out. Especially when Mom or Dad says say one thing but does another.

Most parents hear this often: "But you said . . . ."

This is exhausting, but it carries a bonus. As we try to be good role-models we grow stronger from within.

And so do our children.

Begin by thinking through what you believe as parents

Make a checklist of what your family stands for–or what you want your family to stand for:

Try these for starters:

Always tell the truth. (Nobody gets in trouble for being honest.)

Be kind and thoughtful in what you say and do.

Be fair. Remember, other people have the same rights as you.

Respect those in authority. (Explain "authority.")

Treat others the way you want them to treat you.

Consider these to be foundation stones, a solid base to build a life on.

A quartet of Bible verses for backup

[Jesus said] "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them." —Luke 6:31 ESV

Even children are known by the way they act, whether their conduct is pure and right.  –Proverbs 20:11 NLT

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  –1 John 1:9 NIV

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. –Philippians 4:13 ESV

Empower your kids by helping them understand that everything is a choice

Stress this core principle of living strong until it becomes theirs, too:

In every situation, we make a choice. If nothing else, we choose how we will react.

That's a statement of personal power if ever there was one, useful even for younger kids.

It can make a child or teenager feel less vulnerable. A youngster or teen who understands this is less likely to plead that someone makes them feel a certain way or makes them hang with a pal they know is headed the wrong way.

They will know they alone choose their actions and responses.

Take it one step further. Teach them every choice, wise or foolish, inevitably yields a consequence, good or bad.

Best of all, we know and pass on the reason(s) for right living

It's natural for children and teens to consider their own moods and desires more important than anything else. They need a reference point outside personal feelings.

Even young children can understand that as believers we want to reflect Jesus in how we live and treat others.

Will we parents fall short? Of course.

Will our children grow up perfect? Never.

We're all human beings, remember?

It helps to be involved in a strong church that teaches the Truth

This provides a natural setting in which we can make friends who share our values. And so can our children and teens.

There we get reminded that Jesus died to pay for our failures and that we're forgiven, a.k.a., grace.

We get pointed to Bible truths like 2 Corinthians 5:17:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Our children need to hear that as they grow and learn–and make mistakes. It's what we parents need, too, and for the same reason.

The grace of forgiveness in Jesus enables us to keep going and to know we don't have to drag around our past mistakes any more.

Could there be a better Truth to help our children make it through life?

Still growing,

Lenore
How to teach your kids to make right choices

July 24, 2019
Maybe you're wondering what the color beige has to do with anything.

So did I the first time I heard that description. Our engaging conference speaker–sorry, can't remember her name–had us laughing. And sometimes squirming.

According to my scribbled notes, here's the gist of what she said:

"My friends, I'm here to say, 'Please don't go through life as a Beige Lady! Or a Beige Man!'

"Now don't get me wrong, most Beige Ladies and Men are wonderful people.

"They often work behind the scenes and they're very agreeable, so everyone likes them. What they don't do is speak up when there's a difference of opinion. You see, Beige Ladies–and Beige Men–don't like to make waves.

"What's wrong with being agreeable?

"Not a thing. The problem is, Beige Individuals, as nice and willing and dedicated as they may be, seldom change the world.

"That's a waste. Jesus told us to be salt and light, to 'season' the world we live in, and shine His light in the darkness around us.

"Salt inevitably affects the flavor of a food and even one lighted match sheds light into a dark place.

"God put us here to make a difference, right where we are

"Not by being loud or strident, but by being strong and at the same time, being winsome and considerate. At home, in our marriage and family. Out there, in our church and community.

"Jesus told us to be true to what we believe. But be forewarned, this may cost us, especially if we differ from prevailing opinion.

"That can make it feel safer to be a Beige Lady or a Beige Man and keep our mouths shut, just smile and blend in with the crowd. Yet God put us here to live out out Christ's purpose for us.

"Remember Ephesians 2:10? This verse says it all:

'For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.' –ESV

"My friends, God did not create us to be 'Beige People!' Like Queen Esther in the Bible, you and I were born for such a time as this. To change our world, to be salt, to be light. Now, let's get going!"

Immediately, the entire room was clapping and cheering. From then on, at every break people discussed what she said.

The hard stuff came at home, wondering how could I "change the world?"

Our speaker told us to start where we are and I set out to do that, nibbling off bits and pieces. One big discovery was the difference it makes to start my days right. How to do it?

First thing in the morning, decide to be cheerful, even when life feels like one tough, dreary slog. Better yet, repeat this verse out loud:
This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.                                         –Psalm 118:24 -NKJV

Ignore the lousy mood(s) of people around you. Choose to respond with love and kindness instead of anger.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.    –Proverbs 15:1 -NIV

Pray for wisdom and strength beyond what you feel at the moment.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.    –Isaiah 41:10 -NIV

Whether it's cultivating a happy home or daring to speak up when we feel outnumbered, our ever-present Helper is at our side.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  –Romans 8:26 -NIV

Expect to be changed–little by little–for the better.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.   –Galatians 5:22 -NIV

What matters most is what we live out

Most of us know by now that words are cheap and actions carry way more weight with both children and adults.

The most effective way to influence our world is not by impressing people. Rather, it's about following Christ's example. Always, we rely on Him for strength and courage.

Meanwhile, we keep our eyes open for ways we can season the world around us with love and hope and faith.

This is not a slam on the color beige

As our speaker said, you and I were created to be more and do more than simply be nice and blend in.

Maybe that's easier than we think. We're mistaken if we think it's about our own strength and our own noteworthy accomplishments.

Rather, it's all about Jesus. He's the never-fail, always-with-us Light and power source and He changes us from the inside out. (Will we fail sometimes? Of course, because we're human. But in Jesus we're forgiven and free to start over.)

The bottom line for you and me as Christians: We can stop struggling to measure up and just relax in Jesus' love and grace.

Our part is to go about our daily lives and let His light shine through us. The rest is up to Him.

Rejoicing, too,

Lenore
Don’t get stuck in being a “Beige Lady”–or a “Beige Man”

September 19, 2018
This time of year most older high-schoolers–and their parents–are tied up in knots about what comes next.

Everyone wants to make the absolutely right choice.

College graduates are tense, too, looking for the absolutely perfect job.

That could be a long wait.

Recent graduates often feel dumped out in a world that's nothing like the dream they bought with their student loans. Some resign themselves to any job they can get that includes a regular paycheck. Others keep chasing their ideal.

Life is hard. How many of us tell our kids that beforehand?

1. Tell your kids the truth

One columnist noted that today's graduates grew up with parents who continually asked, "How does that make you feel, Honey?"

No wonder the world of employment offers a rude shock. Bosses seldom ask, "How do you feel about that?"

Employers want employees to show up on time, stay until quitting time and get the job done well and on schedule. They concentrate on the bottom line because unless their business turns a profit, there's no money to stay in business.

Or issue paychecks.

We do our kids no favor when we groom them to expect life should feel cozy and warm, like a mommy's hug.

2. Be a true friend to your children

A good friend speaks truth, even when we don't want to hear it. Our children deserve the same from us.

Sooner or later, most of us learn the no-nonsense foundation for success along the way. In school, in the job world, or even in our personal lives, here's the formula:

W-O-R-K.

Sounds hopelessly outdated, doesn't it?

That's especially true after hearing commencement speakers–and parents–who so often tell young people, "Follow your bliss! Live for your dreams! Refuse to settle for less than what makes you happy!"

Then someone will bring up Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, who became a billionaire at age twenty-seven.

Reality check: How many Mark Zuckerbergs do you know personally?

3. Plant good seeds, so your kids can harvest good fruit

Love your children enough to speak lasting truth. Even in a dream job, they will have to prove themselves.

Most employees start at the bottom. It will be a slow climb from there.

They will not like parts of it. Guaranteed. Life is hard, remember? This is what hard looks like.

A runner talked of training for a track meet. "Runners know you must keep your eyes on your goal. If you waver and look down at the track your energy goes to what's under your feet and you'll lose the race."

To build a strong career, marriage or family we can't allow small annoyances to get us down. We need to fasten on what's good and let the other stuff go.

4. Nail it home that a good life does not depend on having every dream come true

Give your children a lasting gift. Tell them nobody has everything they want or everything as they want it to be.

Help them understand that individuals who expect that or insist upon it set themselves up for lasting discontent.

Wealth and achievements can never fill our inner emptiness because there will never be enough of either.

Happiness and satisfaction stem from how we look at life and from thanking God for our blessings.

A grateful spirit is a contented spirit.

5. Remember to pass on eternal truths

Be sure your children learn about Jesus Christ, our Savior. Worship together as a family and cultivate friendships with other Christian families.

Faith is the real key to a fulfilling life and peace within.

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. –Psalm 29:11

Jesus said:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." –Matthew 6:33

Life in the real world is unpredictable and the only solid Rock is Jesus.

What we're talking about is helping our kids take on life without life getting the best of them. We moms and dads do that all along, little by little as we encourage them to keep trying and try again and to keep going. And we dole out love and hugs every chance we get.

Parenting is a process that goes on as long as we live, even though it changes form over the years.

Call it what it is: Privilege. Blessing. Joy.

Thanking God, too,

Lenore

Tell your kids the facts about life in the real world

May 30, 2018
"Ordinary" people who perform heroically usually amaze the rest of us, especially when they seem unimpressed with themselves.

Here's one you won't forget. Meet Nico Calabria, age 20, a standout in every way.

Photo by Carl Calabria

After Nico's birth doctors told his parents their son would never lead a normal life.

Could never lead a normal life.

Yet at Concord-Carlisle (MA) High School he played on the varsity soccer team and the varsity wrestling team.

As a 19-year old he was one of five amateur football (soccer) players featured in Powerade's 2014 FIFA World Cup ad campaign.

Even earlier, at age 13, he climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, the 19,341 ft. peak, set a world record and, by the way, raised $100,000 to provide free wheelchairs to needy people in Tanzania.

He did it all on crutches.

Nico was born without a right hip or leg.

His fascination with soccer balls started early

He first picked one up and played with it as a toddler. An unlikely toy? Sure, but his parents never discouraged him and Nico never viewed his disability as an excuse not to try.

As he told interviewer Mihaela Husar of "Impresive" magazine, "It was hard sometimes, but my family always had a 'no excuse, tough love mentality' when it came to overcoming challenges."

That's easy to say, hard to carry out for any mom or dad, but especially when their child has a disability.

We get a glimpse of Nico growing up

The ad agency hired by PowerAde sports drink produced this heartwarming video about Nico's life when he was chosen to be a member of Team USA of the American Amputee Soccer Association which in 2014 competed in the World Cup.

YouTube picked it up and it immediately went viral.

For Nico it's all about doing what he loves

Nico tells his "Impresive" interviewer some people think he's trying to make a statement by playing soccer with able-bodied people. Not true. He says he never gave up because, "I just love playing soccer."

It helps that he has no hangups about what he can or cannot do.

"I look at disabilities as 'differences in ability.' There's an important distinction. The definition of 'disabled' is basically a long list of synonyms that don't describe me…like 'crippled' and 'weak'."

PowerAde's global communication manager says Nico redefines our outlook on challenges. "Having one leg was his reality, so he chose to view it as an asset rather than a hindrance. … That's what we loved about him."

Here's life according to Nico at age 18: "I've got one leg. You get one life. I'm not going to let the hand I was dealt in life dictate what my life is going to be."

What holds the rest of us back?

It took me way too long to understand the basic, obvious fact that everything hinges on how we think and what we think.

Whatever the circumstances of our life may be, what we think is most important.

That's just as true for you and me as it is for Nico Calabria.

I need to keep reminding myself of that truth, so I collect quotes. Here are some favorites. Each one has at times been on a sticky note on my bathroom mirror or tacked to the bulletin board above my computer.

Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it. –Irving Berlin

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right. –Henry Ford

Never, never, never give up! –Winston Churchill

The bottom line for us as Christians

You and I face different challenges, but each one of us has difficulties to overcome. How we look at our lives makes all the difference.

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. –Proverbs 23:7 NLT

For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control. –2 Tim. 1:7 ESV

We know we're not alone. For us, it's God who gives us the right spirit and supplies what we need to live the life He has given us.

That certainty will carry us through each day, each challenge. Count on it.

Still learning,

Lenore

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