Category: Life

How are you doing with all the uncertainties and unrest around us?

Many of us find our peace and patience running low. Nameless fears lace through every day and wake us in the night.

We tell ourselves I've always been good in a crisis. The only catch with that is that a crisis has a beginning and an end.

The situations playing out for us in the news and all around us promise to continue for a long stretch–and we know it.

That makes it worse.

How can we stay on track day-to-day?

Awhile back I ran across a yellowed newspaper clipping of a piece by long-ago columnist Frank Crane. Just reading the title took me back to when I was a young mother who struggled to keep up with the demands of our daily life.

Even so, I never missed reading a column titled, "Dr. Crane Says" in our daily newspaper because he spoke to my heart. I appreciated his practical advice and down-to-earth wisdom.

Every year or so the paper would feature his longer piece, "Just for Today" because year after year, it was his most-read column.

This piece made good sense to me then, even though it challenged me. It still does because truth never gets outdated.

Here it is in the original version:

Just for Today

Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning.

They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work.

These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

2. Just for Today, I will be Happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of Externals.

3. Just for Today, I will Adjust myself to what Is, and not try to Adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

4. Just for Today, I will take care of my Body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

6. Just for Today, I will exercise my Soul. In three ways, to wit:

(a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.

(b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests just for exercise.

(c) I will not show any one that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but Today I will not show it.

7. Just for Today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

8. Just for Today, I will have a Programme. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests Hurry and Indecision.

9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

10. Just for Today, I will be Unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be Happy, to enjoy what is Beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love love me.

(Copyright, 1921 by Frank Crane)

One more thing …

I never want to confine my thinking of God to only 30 minutes a day because he's not "out there" or "up there." Over and over He promises to be with us every minute of every day.

He is our loving God. Because he loved us enough to send his only Son (John 3:16) we're free to ask his help any time of the day or night. Period. Whenever we feel anxious and unsettled we can go to the Lord and let his peace quiet our hearts.

Long ago God spoke to his people through his prophet Elijah. His words still ring true for us today:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

You and I are never alone. That's true even if we live alone. We can make it through whatever comes if we allow God's promises be our bottom line.

Trusting, too,

Lenore

Ten well-tested principles for happy living

August 13, 2024
Some people wish they lived in "simpler times." They picture themselves reclining on couches or sitting on cool wraparound porches, sipping cool lemonade.

It must have been idyllic, they tell themselves. But was it?

Maybe not. Years ago our family visited a museum where I picked up a small souvenir parchment, an exact copy of one pioneer mother's laundry instructions to her soon-to-be-married daughter.

Mama's Wash Receipt

1. Bild a fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain rater.

2. Set tubs so smoke won't blow in eyes if wind is pert.

3. Shave one hole cake of lie sope in bilin water.

4. Sort things. Make three piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile cullord, 1 pile work britches and rags.

5. Stir flour in cold water to smooth, then thin down with bilin water.

6. Rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile. Rub cullord, but don't bile–just rench and starch.

7. Take white things out of kettle with broom handle, then rench, blew and starch.

8. Spred tee towels on grass.

9. Hang old rags on the fence.

10. Pore rench water on flower bed.

11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water.

12. Turn tub upside down.

13. Go put on clean dress–smooth hair with side combs.

14. Brew cup of tea–set and rest and rock a spell and count yer blessings.

(Do you still want to swap your automatic washer and dryer for the "romance" of living long ago?)

Let's not stop with laundry

A friend sent this to me, assorted random facts from 1910:

♦ Average life expectancy for men: 48 years

♦ Old Glory featured only 45 stars

♦ Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea had not been invented

♦ Official Mother's Day or Father's Day? Not then

♦ The bra would not be patented until 1914

♦ Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school

♦ The process to flash-freeze food was patented in 1924 by Clarence Birdseye

♦ Only 14 percent of all U.S. homes had a bathtub

♦ Penicillin not discovered until 1928

♦ Just 8 percent of homes had a telephone

♦ The first voice and music signals heard were transmitted over radio waves in December 1906

♦ The ballpoint pen invented in 1944

♦ There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads in the USA

♦ The maximum speed limit in most places: 10 mph

♦ Tallest structure in the world: the Eiffel Tower

♦ Average US wage in 1910 only 22 cents per hour

♦ The average US worker earned between $200 and $400 per year

♦ The calculator invented in 1970

♦ More than 95% of all births took place at home

♦ 90 percent of all doctors had no college education

♦ Sugar cost about 4 cents per pound

♦ Eggs sold for about 14 cents a dozen

♦ Coffee was 15 cents a pound

♦ 18% percent of households had at least one full-time servant

♦ There were about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

♦ Most women washed their hair only once a month and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo

♦ Underarm deodorant and toothpaste did not exist

♦ The five leading causes of death: 1. The flu, 2. Tuberculosis, 3. Diarrhea, 4. Heart disease, 5. Stroke

Obviously, there were no microwaves, no cell-phones, no internet, no social media.

One centenarian's opinion

Over four decades ago my grandmother, who at the time lived in an assisted-living facility, celebrated her 100th birthday. (She lived to be 101.) The local small-town newspaper sent a female reporter to interview her. This proved a bit frustrating for the young woman.

It seems Grandma peppered her with questions about how she managed her life as a wife, the mother of two preschoolers, and also worked for the newspaper. Through all this the reporter kept asking, "I do enjoy talking with you, but please, won't you tell me about the good old days?"

Finally, Grandma replied. "Well, the good old days weren't so great. You wouldn't have liked 'em much."

Not a bad role model for living, I'd say

As you might guess, I love Grandma's answer and I think it's a good attitude for any of us to hang onto as the years pass. After all, don't the experts keep telling us we need to "live in the moment"?

So let's make the most of today, as the psalmist advised us in Psalm 118:24, here from the ESV:

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Here's to loving the life we have in the day we are living!

Lenore

Take Another Look at the “Good Old Days”

May 23, 2024
If you're a second-guesser like me, you wonder why we keep replaying what we should have said or done.

I got new insight the day I once again recited my failures–real and imagined–to my friend "Connie."

She interrupted me with, "Cut that out already!"

Then Connie smiled and told me how she stopped second-guessing herself. "Russ and I have three kids and we've moved around a lot. Early days I wasted too much time fretting about all the ways I coulda/shoulda/woulda been a better person.

"If I bawled out my tale of woe to Russ, hoping for sympathy, he would hug me and say, 'Aww, just let it go, Hon. It's no big deal.' Most of the time he was right.

"Still, I couldn't stop myself. Then another friend shared how she managed to stop dredging up times she wondered if she had said or done the wrong thing.

"She said talking to herself helped. Every morning she spoke Philippians 4:6-7 aloud and asked God to help her live out those verses. Whenever old regrets taunted her, she deliberately turned her thoughts back to those verses. Little by little she gave up blaming herself for being like every other human being who ever lived: Imperfect."

Finding help

Later I read those Bible verses more slowly and let them play in my mind–and heart. It sounds too simple, but I felt more at peace after that. Here's Philippians 4:6-7 from the NIV:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Even now, the hardest of all for me is to leave my burden with God, so this verse speaks to me too:

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22 NIV

Forget overnight transformation

By now I've relearned this lesson often and my perspective on life has changed. I spend way less time on useless replays. If I do start second-guessing myself, I turn to Philippians 4:6-7 to recover my calm and peace.

These same verses from The Message paraphrase broaden our understanding of what the Apostle Paul meant:

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Be patient with yourself

I long to tell you I am perfectly calm, day after day, but not yet. Still, I have changed.

Any time I catch myself replaying what is behind me I turn it over to my loving Father and say something like, "Sorry, I blew it again. Lord, help me leave the past in the past. Let me be done with all this angst."

Whenever the nagging thoughts resurface, I repeat the Philippians verses already mentioned and of course, Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers (and sisters,) whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ESV

Think on these things

Whatever else is happening–or not happening–in our lives, we can only find the good if we look for it and fix our thoughts on Jesus instead of ourselves.

The bottom line, of course, remains the same. When we trust in Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we are forgiven for all our failures, all our sins. Period.

That's why we can trust promises like Romans 8:28:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good.

Anytime we catch ourselves worn out from running on our mental hamster wheel of regret, it's time to call a halt. For most of us, our failures in living are more likely an annoyance than a crisis. In other words, they are not worth all the drama.

Loving the adventure of life,

Lenore

Simplify Your Life: Be Done with Old Failures

March 22, 2024
Many experts think that phrase should be banished forever because how can a child or young person develop a positive self-image if they get fed discouragement?

This theory was not always considered mainstream. When I was growing up, for example, we youngsters understood the meaning of "Life is hard" because adults specialized in using it when we came with complaints. "You didn't get as big a cookie as he did?" or "So you didn't get the grade you thought you deserved?" Then came an answer with a refrain that seldom varied: "Too bad. Well, life is hard, get used to it."

Don't get me wrong. Most adults I knew, like my parents, were kind and loving. Teachers might be strict, but we knew they cared about us. Grandparents, neighbors and every grownup I knew seemed to think it their duty to give us kids a needed realistic perspective on life. That's why we so often heard, "If you expect life to be easy, you're in for a big let-down."

Both my husband and I were used to it. We knew our parents and all the rest spoke out of their experiences during hard times. But my groom and I were convinced our love would conquer all.

No wonder we just knew our life together would be pure joy.

A few years later life handed us a huge object lesson

By this time we had discovered that love did not rule out disappointments and setbacks. Then came one that hit with no warning.

Picture my husband and me in our old Midwestern farmhouse on that freezing cold night of New Year's Day. At almost bedtime
our nearest neighbor called us. In a tense voice he said, "Look out your side window."

That's when we saw the flames blazing across the roof of our old red wooden barn, which painted the sky bright orange. My husband and I looked at each other, each with same thought: The cows! Can we get the cows out in time?

We grabbed coats and boots and skittered down the ice-coated drive area to the barn. Flames already were bursting through between the boards of the barn's side walls. The cows! Somehow we managed to push our terrified animals out the door in time and they slid and stumbled their way onto the concrete feeding floor alongside the barn.

There, cows, young calves and awkward "teenage cows" huddled together in a sad clump, mooing and bawling in fear.

Once they were safe my husband led me to a place out of the wind and we stood there, shaking with cold as we watched our picturesque old red barn burn. Five minutes later the engine of the volunteer Fire Department from the nearest town arrived. The firefighters kept watch until the fire burned itself out.

Several times I had run to the house and checked on our sleeping little girls, thanking God that they slumbered through all the sirens and shouts.

By 2 a.m. the crowd had gone home, taking with them their floodlights. Before long the cattle seemed to settle down, too. Quiet descended like a shroud.

My husband and I staggered back to the house, numb with exhaustion and cold. We two sat at our kitchen table holding hands and trying not to give way to tears as we replayed the scary night just lived and prayed for guidance.

We knew we wouldn't sleep. We also knew daylight would force us to take some kind of action.

What now?

First light revealed the pile of rubble where our barn used to be. Next to it stood our shivering herd of Holsteins–and it was milking time.

The thing about dairy cows is they can't be put off. They had to be milked twice a day. And what about feed? Both cows and calves needed to eat, but all the feed, hay and straw stored in that old barn–with its old, probably faulty wiring–was lost.

What were we to do?

Once again the phone rang and it was the same neighbor who alerted us to the fire. Now he kindly offered the use of an empty shed to shelter our cows from the weather and also would supply hay until we could locate a supply to purchase. Thank God!

After a hasty breakfast my husband and a helper herded the animals the almost one-quarter mile up the road to that farm. My husband, always good at improvising, figured out how to set up the milking equipment he rescued from fire. He and our neighbor agreed on the rent we would pay for as long as we needed his shed and also how to track the hay expense.

With that in place we knew we could make it.

Finding blessing in the loss

This may sound strange, but later we came to understand that we had a built-in advantage when tragedy struck. The fire didn't destroy us precisely because our parents harped on "Life is hard. Get used to it."

That old-fashioned perspective enabled us–despite our fears and uncertainty– to look at the fire as, "Well, that sort of thing happens in life." We prayed and held each other up and got through dark moments. Day by day we coped and it took everything we had in us at the time.

As we rebuilt over the months that followed we grew stronger, individually and as a couple. We saw clearly how God guided us and gave us strength, so our faith grew, too.

Now we took a softer view of our parents, a.k.a., the "crepe-hangers." Before, we assumed they simply didn't understand that with a good attitude and overflowing love and by using our brains, we could fend off crises. After the fire we came to understand they spoke timeless truth.

All along they were trying to ensure we would not be crushed by life's ups and downs.

What do today's youngsters need to survive?

Today we're all about "love," believing that's the way to infuse strength and self-confidence into children and teens. Many grow up hearing, "Look at you!" "You are amazing!" "You are so smart!" "You deserve to be happy!" Teens and young adults hear, "When you find your bliss, your work won't even feel like work," Etc.

Here's a shock: "Bliss" isn't always bliss-full. Finding the "right" work does not ensure you'll never have a frustration or disappointment. The best of times still come with down days sprinkled here and there. Even finding THE perfect love comes with adjustments like each one putting the other one first. (If you find that easy, three cheers for you!)

Truth is, life is hard and nobody's life is trouble-free. The best job in the best place still frustrates once in awhile. People sometimes let us down because well, every human being is imperfect in one way or another.

All this convinces me it's not a bad thing for children and teens to understand that life comes with joy and pain. Best of all is when they also know deep-down the saving love of Jesus and that he will enable them to survive what comes. That gives them a solid base for building a life.

Hard times and problems have been the making of many an individual. Those who hang in there grow–and their inner strength grows. The writer of the book of James knew all about that, writing in James 1:2-4.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers [and sisters,] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. NIV

Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes you way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. NLT

Those verses pretty much say it all, don't they?

Here's to joy in the midst of whatever comes!

Lenore

Did your parents tell you, “Life is hard”? Count yourself lucky!

February 16, 2023
I've loved Christmas since I was a little girl singing and "saying my piece" for the Christmas programs at church and school.

No matter how much styles and times change, Christmas still brings with it beautiful trees and wreaths and lights of every color. People smile for no obvious reason and there's a happy frenzy that makes us feel more alive, whatever our age.

One of the joys of Christmas is touching hearts across the miles, whether by phone, texts or Emails and Christmas letters. Time and distance melt away and it's as if we had seen each other just last week.

What's your favorite Christmas decoration?

Mine would be the Christmas star because it shone its light on the stable in Bethlehem where Mary and Joseph found shelter, then laid the Christ Child in the manger.

We put a star up for many years, on our house, wherever we were. It was nothing fancy, just a long string of lights threaded through screw eyes on our back deck pillars and on the upright cross beam. All anyone saw from a distance was our twinkling star, rather like this photo.

The story behind our star traces back to another time, another place, another star. We were in a new town and knew we'd be moving on, but had no clue where my husband's job would take us next. Or when. To me it felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

(Did I mention I'm not so good at waiting?)

That first December in our "home-for-awhile" someone erected a huge Christmas star on a distant hillside. I could see it shining clearly in the darkness every time I turned off the freeway. As I drove the mile or so to reach our home it seemed I headed straight toward that star.

Often I drove those streets in tears. Tears of gladness that despite all the commercial hoopla someone, somewhere, still cared about the Christ Child and the star that brought the shepherds running to Bethlehem. I confess to tears of self-pity, too, wishing we knew what would come next and asking God (again) to fill me with patience.

That far-away star calmed my heart. It was as if "somebody" placed that star there just to remind me that Jesus Christ was born to bring me peace, too!

Peace that lasts, whatever the circumstance. Every day of the year. Whatever comes – or doesn't.

(Jesus said) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Experience teaches us it's impossible to know what will come next in our lives

A letter, a phone call, an unexpected, unwanted diagnosis can turn our lives upside down in an instant. Most of us have lived at least one of those circumstances at some time.

Over the years I've gained a new appreciation for that familiar phrase, "Life is fragile. Handle with care."

That maxim stops too soon for us Christians. I think a better motto would be, "Life is fragile, but whatever comes, I can be at peace because God loves me and He has the last word."

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

We can count on the One who knows the future

Here are some much-loved verses to post on our mental bulletin boards. They fit every day of our lives.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:9

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

The Christmas gifts we cannot buy

All these are the gifts of God because of that Baby born in Bethlehem so long ago and laid in a humble manger.

The fully human child who also was fully God. I like the way John, the writer of the Gospel of John, lays it out for us:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. John 1:1-5

Beautiful words but to our human minds, a mystery we cannot ever understand. How could we? This is God, not just another human being like us. Our call is not to explain, but to believe.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Keep your focus on the star

The star that led the shepherds and later the Wise Men to Jesus, the One who is the light in our dark world. The One who points us to God, the Father, even now.

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

Because He came on that starry night, when we have Jesus in our hearts you and I can live in peace, even while not knowing what comes next in our lives.

It is enough.

My friend, may you know the JOY of Christmas every hour of every day – and night – all year long!

With love,

Lenore

Take a broader view of the Christmas star

December 16, 2022
We seldom think about the messages we send the world, but we should.

I got a shocking reminder of that truth one day when I was out shopping. A smiling white-haired lady who looked a bit like my late grandmother put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Aw, Honey, it can't be that bad."

I stared at her in confusion and said, "Excuse me? I don't know what you mean."

Eyes twinkling, she smiled and said, "Well, I noticed you look like you lost your last friend. I just want you to know whatever the trouble is, you'll get through it and it helps to smile. That's all.

"Now you take care of yourself, Sweetie. Whatever's going on with you, it's just life. Sometimes life is hard, but you can do hard, I know you can. You'll be okay."

I thanked her for caring, still mystified.

Then I passed a mirror–and stopped short. She was right. I did look grim.

Do you ever do that?

That day I realized I probably wore that face more often than I knew. Whether I label it "concentration" or "preoccupied," that face was not a good idea.

First, because pinching up one's face leads to (gasp!) wrinkles.

Second, because what people read on our faces affects their moods.

Third, because if we say we have the joy and peace of Jesus, we'd better look as if we do. Otherwise our words of faith sound empty.

Fourth–and just as important–it's not fair to the people in our world.

As someone said, we owe the world a happy face

Why? Because you and I affect the people around us. Our families. Our co-workers. Strangers in stores.

Each of them is walking around and dealing with their lives and their problems, which may be all they can manage at the moment. Why should they have to dredge up strength to keep from "catching" our bad moods?

If you're a mom or dad you probably know that when we parents crackle with tension our kids walk on tiptoe around us.

And if we live in Tension City our children pattern the behavior as the way to live. Our uptight way of coping with life becomes their "normal."

Yes, but "Nobody knows the trouble I seen . . . "

That old spiritual speaks truth, doesn't it? No one can know or feel exactly what another person is living with. As the song says, nobody knows our hurt and pain but Jesus, who says:

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 ESV

"Heavy laden." Don't we feel that way sometimes?

The NIV translates that verse:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Whether we're feeling overworked and over-stressed, weighed down by cares or stuck in a situation we cannot change, He can give us rest.

It's the only rest that lasts.

Eight hours of sleep or a nap refreshes temporarily, but deep-down rest for our hearts can be found only one place. In Jesus.

Life. It will wear us down, but Jesus lifts us up. Always.

The key is to turn our thoughts and our hearts to Him instead of getting mired in the problem-of-the-moment.

He's the One who carries us through each day on His shoulders, who turns our mourning into dancing.

(Jesus said) "I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33 ESV

If we keep our eyes on Him we can be at peace, even during the hard times–and our faces will show it.

As that kindly lady in the store put it, "Whatever's going on with you, it's just life. Sometimes life is hard, but you can do hard, I know you can."

My friend, you can do hard, I know you can.

I wish you peace and joy in Jesus, today and every day,

Lenore
Be careful what your facial expression broadcasts

October 17, 2022
Some time ago I wondered aloud to a wise friend about what makes each of us–and our kids–tick?

Her "Mayberry" answer came quickly. "Well, nobody does nuthin' for nuthin'–even kids."

Was that poor grammar? Sure, but don't miss the truth of it.  Every one of us, no matter our age, always has a reason for what we do–even when we don't admit it to ourselves:

We expect to get some kind of payoff

If you want to see that principle lived out, simply observe a young child in action.

Nobody has to teach youngsters how to go after what they want. They're experts at it. After all, they have lots of time to study the grownups around them and figure out what works.

I watched one skilled practitioner in The Art of Getting What I Want the day I was stuck in the returns line of a local store behind a mom and her daughter, age 4 or 5.

The bored little girl announced she wanted a toy perched atop the "Put Back" cart.

Mommy says "No," so the child begs and gets refused each time. Then she throws a classic hissy fit.

Mommy stands firm: "No! You heard me. No!"

Little Darling screams, "But I WANT it!"

Mommy refuses to budge, so out come the tears and wails. Still no results.

Then comes the charm blitz. Sobbing, the preschooler sidles up to her mother and hangs on to her leg. "P-l-e-a-s-e, Mommy, Darling? Pretty please with sugar on it?"

Mommy sighs, then says to the clerk in a resigned tone, "Just add it to the other stuff. Okay?"

Turning to her daughter, she says, "Now this is absolutely the last time! Do you hear me?"

At which this small master manipulator flashes a big grin to all of us, then skips around in circles until Mommy finishes.

Tactics become more subtle by adolescence and adulthood

Over the years we become more careful and diplomatic but we still do what we do for some kind of reward:

To get what we want–or to get our own way

Because we like the feeling of "winning"

To make us look good in someone's eyes

Because we hope it will strengthen a relationship

We believe in what we're doing. Whatever the cost, we think the end result will be worth what we put into it

Motivation toward a goal or benefit is not wrong, it's just part of being human. To keep this principle in the back of our minds helps us to understand ourselves and others.

If this sounds new and strange to you just let it simmer in the back of your mind. Some time later you may replay recent interactions with other people. You may have an aha moment and gain new clarity into an interaction that puzzled you.

Self-honesty is hard, I know, but take it to the bank: Always, always, always, there is some kind of benefit in what we do–even if it's just self-satisfaction.

For some, a negative payoff can feel "right"

Perhaps you worry about someone who over and over seems to fall for a person who doesn't treat them well. You and everyone who cares remain baffled as to why.

Or you may know an individual who repeatedly starts afresh and seems on the way to succeeding. Then this person messes up and has to start over, again and again and again.

Why?

Counselors say it often traces back to messages they picked up as children such as: "You're no good." "You'll never make anything of yourself. You're a loser." "You're such a disappointment to me."

These individuals may unconsciously sabotage their efforts in order to make those predictions work. For them failure feels like a kind of success because it reinforces what they've always "known" about themselves. "A-ha! I always knew I was a loser and didn't deserve to be happy."

Once again they settle back into familiar territory. It's what they've always known of themselves and feels somehow comfortable.

What about the rest of us?

It's not childish to want and need some kind of reward, but we don't always get it. Then what do we do?

Ever thrown a pity party for yourself and decided comfort could be found in a hot fudge sundae, even though you were on a diet?

Ever nursed the feeling you do everything for everybody, but no one even notices? One day you come home with shopping bags–for yourself–and wonder why.

Ever picked a fight with your husband (or wife) just to get some kind of attention because you were tired of them being wrapped up in their stuff and ignoring you?

We're more like kids than we want to admit.

Finding a better way

We human beings never will have absolutely pure motives. As the Bible tells us, we are sinners, flawed and imperfect:

As it is written: There is no one righteous, not even one; Romans 3:10

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8

But God didn't leave us there.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. Romans 5:1-2

We remain fully human and we fail even ourselves, but we don't have to drag around a load of guilt. Because we're forgiven in Jesus we can leave our messes at His cross and be free of old, negative patterns. Because we belong to Jesus we are secure in God's love.

Now that's somethin' that really means somethin'!

Rejoicing with you,

Lenore
Here’s a help in understanding people

August 19, 2022
Perhaps the better question is, "How are you treating life?"

That is, what label do we paste on our days?

We seldom realize that's what we're doing, but it's true–and it becomes a habit.

A bad habit, because it gets easier and easier to fixate on what's "wrong" and subsequently miss what's right. (Or am I the only one who ever does that?)

This colors how we look at everything, maybe most of all, the people in our lives.

Finding fault and complaining starts early. Think how siblings squabble and wail, "It's my turn."

Nobody has to teach kids that annoying practice. Isn't it odd how that kind of attitude seems to lurk within each of us?

The angst of the younger generation ramps up in the teenage years, with endless complaints to parents: "You always …" or "You never … "

During those years children and teens could not fathom the internal struggles a mother or father feels. All along they live with uncertainty, nobody ever certain they are "doing it right."

Labeling saves time

Think about it. Once we label a person we don't have to think. We just plug in what we always "knew" about them–or thought we did.

Those old impressions lodge in our minds and too often we won't let go. It's more comfortable to hang onto old thinking than to take a fresh look. At ourselves.

This same pitfall dogs married couples. The person we fell in love with and married turns out to have a few faults. Yet that's the one who stays and keeps on loving us through all the highs and lows, the good times and the hard times–which happen to everyone, by the way.

Even those we judge to "have it all together."

Cause for celebration

If we're honest, at times any one of us is not that easy to live with–even in a strong marriage. True?

But do we celebrate? Nope. More often we nag and nit-pick about small habits that bug us. We whine that we don't feel appreciated for who we are and how much we give and we are the ones who deserve to be celebrated.

(How do I know this? Do you need to ask?)

We may exhibit selective sight with our adult children, as well. We focus on all the ways they need to change but remain blind to their strengths and good points. As for praise, forget about it, because we know they could do better.

Often our Inner Critic carries that over into all of life

We pick out things we wish were different and easily ignore what's good. We look "over there" for happiness and forget to look at what and who is right there in front of us.

Most of all we forget to look within ourselves.

Too often I would have to plead guilty. How about you?

But hey, old habits are hard to break. Right?

Time for a change

I've never forgotten one sermon that jolted me out of that rut.

Our pastor had the ushers hand out index cards and told us that he had found a short formula to be helpful in his life because it opened the eyes of his heart. That Sunday he decided to pass it on to us.

He suggested an experiment. Starting that day each of us was to promise ourselves to make this our personal practice. No questions would be asked. No reports of progress or lack thereof. This was to be personal.

His "formula" stuck in my memory because it's uncomplicated and short. I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Did it bless my life? Yes it did, although I confess sometimes I slipped up often and some days didn't remember to try.

Here's the simple formula:

1. Leave the past at the cross of Jesus Christ, once and for all.

2. See the good.

3. Speak the good.

4. Ask God to develop this attitude within me.

U-turn required

Whatever the date and time or stage of life we're in right now, it's worth giving it a fair trial, don't you think?

According to the news and the "experts" it sounds as if everything is up for grabs. Some of us feel we're floundering and just hanging on from day to day.

This simple formula sorts out what matters most in making a good life. It reveals the emptiness of the flotsam we're flooded with every day, on every side. It reminds us to stay on track by fixing our attention on what we as individuals can control.

This list serves us in the same way a level serves a carpenter: It helps us stay balanced, today and in the future.

You and I cannot change the world, but we change our world

Living by that pastor's formula takes us a long way toward that goal.

For specifics, many people hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an example of how we should live. I believe most of those principles apply to both sexes in a general way.

If the criteria in that chapter sound too daunting, focus on verse 26 for starters.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Doesn't that make a worthy checklist for both women and men?

It's not hard to see how speaking kindness and appreciation would add life and light to our lives–and the lives of our spouse, our children and the people around us. This is doable for any of us.

Whatever our age or life situation, one truth applies to every one of us:

God gives us life. It's up to us how we live it.

Here's to being good learners,

Lenore

A question only you can answer: How is Life Treating You?

May 17, 2022
Even when we know our life is good, it can feel overwhelming at times

Even if we're living out our dream. Even when we know we're blessed. Even–surprisingly–though we may be living our dream.

Today, when that old, old feeling strikes me, I go back to what I discovered as a frazzled young mom.

Living on overload was dragging me down. But how to get a grip?

Was I praying? Absolutely. I could see God's goodness in our life, but most days I felt myself hustling just to keep up on the basics.

I needed more. I needed some sort of a practical action plan. A stronger, wiser way of looking at people and my life.

From that crisis point I went back to school, so to speak. Any tidbit of time I could manage I first read the Bible and fed my soul. I scoured our daily newspaper and clipped useful articles. I tore out magazine articles and pored over good self-help books. I kept a notebook where I copied out the best sections and jotted down notes.

Enter Dr. Crane, who offered advice, free for the taking

His column ran regularly in our newspaper. His down-to-earth approach to life appealed to me. This professional's syndicated column, "Dr. Crane Says," ran in newspapers all over the USA. Later I learned his column already had been running for decades when I found it for myself.

Each time I found useful pointers for living. Even then I knew it was genius to take lengthy principles for mental health and boil them down to their essence, so that readers of any educational level could understand them.

Back then it seemed groundbreaking when Dr. Crane's "Just for Today" piece appeared. Over the years I noticed he reran it periodically, always explaining it cut down on constant requests for reprints.

The first time I read it I taped it to a cupboard door and reread it at least once a day. His simple wisdom painted a picture for me of what it would look like to live richly and feel I had some control over my life. It laid out a clear track that anyone could follow.

Recently I ran across this old friend again

Obviously, I'm not the only reader who prized Dr. Crane's practical wisdom. Since this piece now is in the public domain, I pass it on in its original 1921 version. May you, too, find these timeless words useful and helpful. Even today, they speak to my heart. May they speak to yours, too.

                                                        JUST FOR TODAY

Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning.

They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work.

These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

2. Just for Today, I will be Happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of Externals.

3. Just for Today, I will Adjust myself to what Is, and not try to Adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

4. Just for Today, I will take care of my Body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

6. Just for Today, I will exercise my Soul. In three ways, to wit:

    (a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.

    (b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

    (c) I will not show any one that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but Today I will not show it.

7. Just for Today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

8. Just for Today, I will have a Programme. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests, Hurry and Indecision.

9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

10. Just for Today, I will be Unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be Happy, to enjoy what is Beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love love me.

Even today, in 2021, the plan points us toward sound mental health, doesn't it? Most refreshing of all, there's not one word of controversy or fear or politics.

Does the list sound too daunting to master? First let's remind ourselves this is a list to work toward, not one one which we either pass or fail. It's like a road map that points toward an attractive destination.

Besides, we're not in this alone. Today and every day, our Best Friend is with us and strengthens us. Here's the key Bible verse that proves that.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.                                                             Philippians 4:13

Just for Today, with God's help, we'll make it through.

Still growing, too,

Lenore

How to make it through the not-so-good days

October 12, 2021
Lately there's been a lot of angst going around

This seems like a good time to pass on a folksy little story that arrived in my Inbox one day. It always speaks pointedly to me. May it speak to you, too.

Just Another Day

The crusty old-timer slouched into the local coffee shop and settled himself onto the end stool at the counter. Then he winked at the waitress and said, "Gimme a big mug 'a Joe, Dearie."

This lady wasn't taking any guff from anyone. She stood up tall and said, "I am not your Dearie! My name is Daisy."

"My mistake, Miss Daisy. My name's Hector. Now pour me some of your good hot coffee, if 'ya please."

When his steaming cup of Joe arrived, he inhaled deeply and asked, "Got any sugar cubes, Ma'am?

"Yes, sir."

She handed Hector the sugar bowl and he dropped in a cube of sugar.

Then another.

And another. And another.

When he got to seven, Daisy pulled the sugar bowl away and said, "Listen, here, Mister, you don't need more sugar. Just stir up whatcha' got!"

That's wise counsel for living, too

Sometimes we discount what we already have and are, just because we're used to it.

The flood of self-help articles and reports and interviews that never stop all boil down to the same theme: You and I need to be more than we are.

According to these "experts," each with a favorite theory, you and I can achieve "more-ness" with (fill in the blank.) So we can grow. And stretch. And explore new horizons.

It's exhausting.

Learning and growing are good things, but most of these spokespeople proceed as if every human being is an exact copy of every other human being.

For Christians, that theory is pure bunk. The Bible tells us God creates every human being. Not with some sort of divine 3-D Printer, but with infinite care and his personal involvement.

Ponder this verse, Psalm 139:13, and think as you read it.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.   ESV

Each of us is one-of-a-kind

Even identical twins have their own individual fingerprints and personalities. You and I are not exactly like our siblings. Neither are our children, even when they all are the same gender.

Not one of us is "missing" some essential part of ourselves.

Can we grow and learn to understand ourselves better? Of course. Sometimes that happens as we live out our lives. Sometimes we may need to talk with our pastor or with a licensed counselor.

It's an imperfect world and none of us is perfect. It's a big step to acknowledge our weaknesses to ourselves. Be sure you don't overlook your individual strengths. Rather, give thanks for them.

The Bible tells us God equips each one of us to handle whatever He asks of us. That means each of us has what we need to live the lives He gives us. Remember, our lives are not over until our last earthly breath, so none of knows exactly what qualities we may need.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Keep tabs on what's already present–in your life, in your marriage and in your family

It is God who gives us our abilities and talents–and for a reason we may not yet understand.

Are there struggles even in strong marriages and families? Yes, for every one of us. Single or married, at any age, life is hard. Building a marriage is hard. Being a mom–or a dad–is hard.

If we expect perfect here on earth then our days may seem like too much to cope with. We just want it to stop.

That's dangerous thinking because we may spend our days in wistful longings and daydreams of better times and perhaps, "more perfect" people.

Once again the Bible shows us the better way to deal with difficulties:

Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:1 ESV

Build on what you already have

For example, if you're married and feeling ho-hum, why not try a bit of do-it-yourself effort?

Agree to make time for each other, just as deliberately as you make time for other appointments.

Choose a weekend or other time when neither of you has to report in for work. Then farm out your kids for a night or a weekend. Kidnap your husband–or wife–and head to a nearby hotel or motel. Live on room service (or McDonald's if money is tight) and each other's undivided attention.

(The same strategy works if you simply stay home in your own house. It's just harder to shut out all the chores that need catching up on.)

Often, a short time of concentrating on each other is all that's needed for a couple to rediscover their love, which can get covered up with job and kids and the "stuff" of everyday life.

We love because he [Jesus] first loved us . . . Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 John 4:19; 1 Peter 4:8 ESV

Get reacquainted with your children and get to know them now

Whatever their ages, take off your I-need-to-parent-you eyes. Instead, look–really look–at each child with eyes of love.

Think about their individual personality qualities: who they are. Notice how funny and unique each one is. Find ways to reinforce their positive qualities, maybe a note or a card or just saying you value those qualities.

Make time to be one-on-one with each child, so you can concentrate on each one. Being together strengthens family bonds–between parent and child and also between siblings.

As your children grow up, increasingly respect their right to have their own lives. (We wanted that for ourselves, didn't we? And don't we?)

As you would that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 ESV

Share more than food at mealtime

Eating together every day strengthens relationships within a family. All the research shows that especially with children and teens, this increases their own strength and inner security.

Mealtimes offer a built-in opportunity to connect. One powerful–and popular tool is to do Highs and Lows. Go around the table and each one shares from their day–while everyone else listens. (Make it okay to say "Pass" and remain silent.)

Each one can tell about their cares and issues to each other. Nothing formal, just each one sharing their days with each other and staying tuned-in. Lastly, parents and/or children pray and speak a blessing.

Stick with it and watch each one become more comfortable opening up to each other. A way to live out faith together.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 ESV

Let's get personal

Every so often take a closer look. Start by writing down at least ten good things about your life. Ten things, small things, "ordinary" things.

Then list what's good about you. And your husband. And your kids. Once again, this is not about achievements or "big stuff."

Keep your lists handy. Reread them when you're feeling uncertain or questioning the "whys" in your life. Or on those days when life feels meaningless. Even if you're not in the mood when you start, as you thank God for the gifts and blessings already yours, your heart will feel lighter.

Consider this one of the ways to "Stir up what you got!"

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:6-7 NKJV

Still learning, always,

Lenore

Still good advice: “Stir up whatcha got!”

September 20, 2021