Are you tired of the way your day-to-day life has been lately?
Here’s the good news: Getting unstuck appears much more complicated than it really is. Here’s the three-word formula:
Change. Your. Thoughts.
I know, I know, that sounds too simple. I might not believe it, either, if I hadn’t lived it.
It started when our children were young. Back then my mood would depend on circumstances. Maybe the skies were gray and it was raining. Or the baby wouldn’t stop wailing. Or my husband seemed anxious about goodness-knows-what. (No wonder I was cranky.)
I apologized, of course, usually saying something like: “Sorry, Hon, I can’t help it. That’s just the way I’ve always been.”
One day the truth hit me. That tiresome statement had become my excuse.
I knew it was time for a turnaround. But how?
Enter “The Worry Clinic”
Our daily newspaper began running a syndicated column by the late Dr. George Crane three times a week. His style of conveying mental health tips immediately spoke to me, so I devoured every word, all while carrying on a running argument with him in my mind.
Dr. Crane, a trained psychologist and a physician, described his advice as “old-fashioned horse sense,” a.k.a. common sense.
He repeated this statement often:
Act the way you want to feel and soon you’ll feel the way you act.
The first time I read that it made no sense to me, but it opened my mind a crack. As time went on I began to see the truth of his words. It boiled down to:
Our emotions flow out of what we think.
Here’s how Dr. Crane explained the process:
You can change your thoughts as easily as you change stations on your radio or channels on your television sets. It involves deliberately switching your mind to another topic–and it can be learned.
All it takes is practice.
That bumped me up against an uncomfortable truth. I kind of liked being able to excuse myself with, “I can’t help it. That’s who I am.”
What shocked me more was to see that my moods rubbed off on our four young daughters. They had become star copycats of their mournful mom.
And my sweet husband, loving us, lived patiently with all five of us.
I resolved to change
Dr. Crane primed readers not to expect an overnight transformation. Just as the captain of an ocean liner cannot turn the huge ship 180 degrees all at once, neither should we expect to do a 180 all at once.
The only way to do it was to deliberately master one degree at a time and then repeat that maneuver 180 times.
Would it take awhile? Yes. Would it be worth it? Yes!
Always before, I prayed for God to change me, then waited for change to happen. Now I understood I also needed to act in faith.
That is, I needed to pray and trust, but also behave as if God already answered my prayer and changed me. As time went on these actions began to feel “natural.”
Over time these small, incremental moves paid off. Our home became a happier place.
For all six of us.
Branching out
As a Christian it reassured me to read this remark of Dr. Crane, who was an M.D. and also a doctor of psychology and psychiatry:
“I gleaned more practical psychology and psychiatry from the Bible than from all other books!”
By now I wanted to learn more and read more, but I didn’t want to lose my way. I needed a solid understanding of what the Bible says so I could evaluate what I read or saw in the media. I became more serious about reading the Bible and scribbled notes and underlined verses that spoke to me.
In those pre-Internet days I dug into the shelves of our public library and frequently brought home stacks of books on personal growth, marriage and parenting. When something hit home I wrote it down. Older books, newer books, it didn’t matter. I devised my own criteria.
–Did the principles in this book conflict with what I believed as a Christian or with my personal values? (If so I set it aside.)
–Did the author sound in touch with real people or rely on jargon?
I picked up bits of knowledge and wise advice from a host of good, qualified authors and counselors. Each one helped me grow.
After years of reading and living, here’s what I know is true
- The circumstances of our lives do not determine our mindset. What matters most happens between our ears.
- We can manage our emotions because they flow out of what we feed our minds, just as Dr. Crane said.
- Sound thinking is not enough. We also must invest our time and our will to make the changes we need.
- It’s not uncommon to have the “want to,” but think we’re not making progress in changing our habits. If trying to change is a continuing struggle it’s time to talk to your pastor or a trustworthy professional counselor.
Whatever it takes, every bit of progress we make is still a win.
Staying on track for the long haul
It is a daunting task to set out to change oneself from the inside out and it takes time to change old patterns of thinking. What helped me most was reminding myself often that my best Friend, Jesus Christ, never left me to struggle on my own.
Here are some of the Bible verses that spoke to my heart–and still do:
I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you. Isaiah 26:3
It sounds too simple, but it’s true: You can change how you feel about your life by watching where you park your mind.
Lenore
