Tag: Family

If we grew up with a father who was present we were blessed

Nobody is perfect, but if he was there, we felt safe because whatever dangers might lurk in the shadows, we knew Daddy would protect us.

When he held our hand we would go with him wherever he might lead, no questions asked.

Jump off a roof? Sure.

Walk into a raging ocean? Absolutely. Daddy wouldn’t let anything harm us.

We thought he could do anything and answer any question we might ask.

Why, Daddy must be the smartest man in the whole wide world!

And then we grew up

Sometime during our teenage years we realized Daddy didn’t know everything. He wasn’t cool. What’s more, he seemed determined to spoil our fun with all his rules.

Over time we met new people and, as the cliché puts it, we “expanded our horizons.”

As we learned and grew we decided now we knew How Things Ought to Be.

This left us less impressed with Dear Old Dad. He was so out of it.

Comes the enlightenment

Eventually we became parents ourselves and suddenly we were the one(s) in charge. Whether our child (children) lived or died depended on us. Only then did we understand what every parent comes to know:

The only time any of us knows everything about rearing children is before we have any.

What’s more, parenting turned out to be way harder than we ever imagined.

We ached to be perfect parents, but life kept getting in the way. We wanted to be bright and cheery and understanding at all times, but we didn’t even come close. Sometimes we even yelled at our beautiful, innocent darlings.

Slowly we grasped the inescapable truth: We flesh-and-blood dads and moms do not have it in us to be perfect.

Neither did our fathers. (Or mothers.)

We couldn’t avoid the only logical conclusion: Most of them did the best they could with what they knew at the time.

Don’t–or didn’t–we all do the same?

If not before, now’s the time to be as compassionate and objective with our own fathers as we are with everyone else’s

Only then will we see the blessing in what seemed so ordinary.

Daddy was there. That made us feel secure because we knew we could count on him. Even if he couldn’t be present physically, we knew he was with us in his spirit and his heart.

We knew he loved us. We could see it in his smiles, even if he never uttered those three little words.

He loved our mom more than us–and we knew it. As Theodore Hesburgh said, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.”

Dad wasn’t perfect, but he tried. Somehow we understood he did the best he knew how and gave us what he could.

If our father believed in Jesus and tried to live out the Christian faith he set a solid example for us. Even when we took it for granted. Even when we didn’t appreciate it.

If your dad’s still breathing, tell him what he longs to hear

Tell him you love him now even more than when you were a child because you better understand what it cost him to be your father.

Replay a few happy memories with him and watch his face light up. Listen to the new lilt in his voice.

Let him know it matters that he lived. Now, while he can hear it.

If you’ve had “issues” with your dad, there is no better time to set aside who’s “right” and who’s “wrong.” Let it go and forgive mistakes of the past.

Lay your unrest at the cross and be amazed how much lighter you feel.

It may seem a small thing, but …

As long as your father lives, you will always be Daddy’s “little girl” or “little boy.”

This sounds like a cliché but take it from me, you’ll miss how that makes you feel.

Whatever your father’s age, inside he’s the same Daddy who lightly placed you on his strong shoulders and made you feel like the luckiest kid around.

Family love doesn’t always match our romanticized images, but it is love, just the same.

If you still can, speak your love. Let your love be a gift not reserved for just one day of the year. Give it freely and taste the reward of a heart at peace.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.    –-1 Peter 4:8 NIV

Praying you find JOY in your day-to-day,

Lenore
Why Dads Matter All 365 Days of The Year

June 12, 2025
Since nobody can find Mayberry, RFD on a map, why do so many of us long to go there?

Perhaps it's because we ache to live in a place where kindness and goodness look to be a way of life. For everyone. Every day.

We feel as if we know Sheriff Andy and Opie, Aunt Bee and Barney. They're our kind of people.

Or we wish they were.

Who can forget that whistled theme song? If you do a bit of online research you will find that Andy Griffith (Sheriff Andy) had an outsize influence over every episode. It's true that this show portrayed a simpler life, but it was never sappy.

Always, Andy role-modeled a loving, understanding father to his son, Opie. No wonder that many viewers from troubled families found solace in watching this TV show.

Each of us felt warmed by Aunt Bee's tender care. Observers have noted that many young people who watched the show lacked flesh-and-blood positive role models at home. They found them in Mayberry, which always illustrated a weekly dose of peace and stability.

That's been true since The Andy Griffith Show ran in the 1960s. It still is, even now. This show remains so popular it's still running–and may continue into the next generation.

Mayberry, RFD presents life as we wish it were

Oh sure, these Mayberry residents are kinda quirky, some more, some less. You might say they're a lot like you and me.

Still, we can tell these are good people because we watch how they talk to each other and treat each other. They have the usual ordinary problems and conflicts everyone has, but in Mayberry they always resolve them–kindly and with respect. Everyone learns a lesson and they remain friends. Smiling friends.

It's as if someone smoothed off the rough edges of daily life in Mayberry.

If we kept a list, it could include qualities like these:

Family strength and love

Mutual respect and fairness

Kindness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Honesty

Integrity

Faith in God

Does this list remind you of anything?

The Apostle Paul detailed the qualities that grow within us when Jesus lives in our hearts and the Holy Spirit increases our faith.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

That's what we see on display in The Andy Griffith Show and in residents of Mayberry, RFD, a glimpse into an imaginary place where these fruits of the Spirit shine through, in various situations and in all kinds of people.

Credit Andy Griffith's influence again. When Griffith died in 2012, his widow told CBN, "Andy was a person of incredibly strong Christian faith and was prepared for the day he would be called Home to his Lord."

How do we bring Mayberry into our lives?

Sorry, y'all, but talking with a Southern drawl won't do it.

It's true that you and I can't change the rest of the world. But we can decide our home will be a haven for our family and friends. A place where each one walks in the door and feels loved. A place where anxious, hurting hearts can find peace in being welcomed and accepted.

Isn't that what we want for ourselves?

This is not the impossible dream. No advance cleanup or home projects needed. We simply start right where we are. We ask Jesus to guide us and to fill our hearts and our home with love. Then we deliberately live out those Christian qualities we see acted out in Mayberry, RFD.

This probably won't feel natural for a lot of us. Smile and remember the saying, "Fake it 'til you make it," then keep going until it does.

And be patient, because a crop of kindness takes awhile to grow. Take it little by little, and with good humor. Laughs always lighten the atmosphere, especially when we're quick to laugh at our own mistakes and failures. (That makes it more likely our children will pick up that quality, too, rather than fall apart when they're not perfect.)

If we stick with it, life in our home will change and our kids won't have to look elsewhere to find grownups to emulate.

Are you ready to try it?

Picture in your mind the kind of atmosphere you want in your home, as detailed as you want to make it. Write it down if you like, then use that as a checklist. This won't be an overnight change, so keep your patience charger at the ready.

Start with this:

Pray.

Forget past failures and lock in on what's ahead, then go for it.

Attitude counts most. Look for the best in people, expect the best of people–and forgive them when they mess up. (Your children will notice and naturally take on some of that themselves.)

Let go of tracking who's wrong and who's right. That takes too much time and effort–and winning almost always is a hollow victory. Use that energy to celebrate the wins.

Forgive yourself–and your family–on those days when nothing goes right.

Pray. Constantly.

Remember, you're not in this alone

Whatever challenges we face, every believer can say with the Apostle Paul:

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Sorry, Andy Griffith and Aunt Bee won't move in down the street, but if you make small changes in yourself and how you relate to others, you will notice changes in how your life goes. So will your family and friends.

One ordinary day you'll look around and notice something new. As you look around your own small world you see some of the positive qualities you appreciate in what's portrayed by characters who live in Mayberry, RFD.

There's another bonus most of us haven't thought of. You will find what many others have discovered: You don't have to move in order to live in a new, happier place.

Still learning,

Lenore
What if you could live a Mayberry life for real?

March 8, 2022
(I wrote this on Veteran's Day, November 11, 2009, but it's still true.)

Today is one day after the Texas Memorial for the twelve Fort Hood soldiers gunned down at the Base. (One civilian also was killed.)

These dead, too, were killed in a war, the one that remains nameless.

I watched the memorial service through tears. Perhaps you did, too. When family members processed past these soldiers' photographs, they stopped at only one. Some touched their loved one's photo, some held on with both hands, some wept openly. Their faces weren't shown, but I felt our watching world intruded on what should have been their private moment.

Every November 11th, one word screams at me: pain. The pain endured by those who serve actively and how it changes their lives. Those who love them and pray for their safety and wait for their return live with pain, too. Sometimes that pain never leaves.

Each Veteran's Day reminds me of a handsome cousin I never knew who was killed in World War II. My aunt and uncle had four younger children, but that didn't cancel their grief at losing one. Years later her eyes would tear and she took on a misty expression whenever she mentioned his name or looked at his photograph.

I understand that better now

Two of our granddaughters have served in the Navy, one in Intelligence, still serving. The other served a stint in the Medical Corps with the Marines, with one tour in Kuwait and another near Baghdad. She came home with memories that still haunt her.

My husband and I are very proud of both of them–and we still pray every day that God will keep them safe. Our entire family breathed a collective sigh of relief and thanks each time either of our granddaughters was safely back on American soil.

The tragedy at Fort Hood reminds us all that being in the Armed Forces and stationed here in the States does not guarantee safety.

I think we all need Veteran's Day, this annual reminder that Freedom is not free

We need to remember again that preserving the freedoms we so casually take for granted carries an extremely high price tag.

One U.S. Marine Corps chaplain expressed it well:

"It is the soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press.

It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.

It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate.

It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag."

~Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, Sergeant, USMC

May we never forget that

And may we honor those who serve now, as well as those who have given of their lives in service to America

Next time you and I spot someone in uniform it will mean the world to that individual if we take time to shake their hand and say, "Thank you for your service. May God watch over you."

That may seem a small thing–and it is–but they need to know we honor them and their sacrifices for keeping America free.

None of us know what comes next. With the world as it is, let's pray every day for God's protection and preservation of this United States of America and for all those who serve you and me, at home and overseas.

God bless America and may God bless you!

Lenore

Let’s hear it for the wives! And the husbands! And the children! And the parents!

November 11, 2016
The only time we know how to raise children perfectly is before we have any.

Why wouldn't that be true? God creates each child to be one-of-a-kind, whether our children come to us by birth, by adoption, or because we marry a man who already is a dad.

That plunges us into a lifelong process of stretching. Growing. Learning.

We soon discover that being a mom means whatever else we may be involved in, our children remain constantly in our minds and in our hearts.

Being a mom takes all we have and then some

When our four daughters were growing up I loved them and every bit of our life, but I often felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities.

I never once wanted to quit, but I longed to find a better way.

About that time God sent an older friend who shared her philosophy of mothering: "A mother's job is to work herself out of a job–long before her children leave home."

That "radical" thought made sense to me

Along with feeding, clothing and teaching our children, we moms are to prepare them for life. We hear all the time that life is tough, even for kids. Away from us they're on their own, whether it's at child care or in school.

When we help them develop inner strength we're living out the Golden Rule:

[Jesus said] "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

I can't think of a more loving and lasting gift we can give our children, can you?

My husband and I decided to borrow my wise friend's principles of parenting. Before long we noticed the change in our family. It seemed we all liked each other more–and ourselves, too. Over the years we watched our daughters grew into strong adults.

Those years taught me and became background for my latest book Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out

This collection of short pieces can be read in snatches of time. Here's one to hang onto when you're feeling stressed.

—————————————-

MADE FOR EACH OTHER

Your family is no accident. God gave you to each other.

Each child who calls you "Mom" was created just for you.

God placed you together because you need each other.

Let those sentences sink deep into your heart and your mind.

This is true even when you have conflicts and diffficulties. Even if you are as different as plums and peanut butter. Even though it seems you always say or do the wrong thing with one of your children.

Your Designer Kids need you, not the Ms. Flawless Mom who lives on the corner.

And vice versa.

You don't need the placid child next door, nor Super Kid across the street. You need that one who most often baffles you or challenges you.

God tailor-makes our children to stretch us.

To teach us.

To grow us.

Mothering opens our minds and strips away old, comfortable illusions about life.

And about ourselves.

Day after day, we're forced to cope. As we do, we may discover strengths we didn't know we had.

Weaknesses too.

No mom would label this process easy or comfortable. Growing pains never are.

When you feel overwhelmed, reassure yourself with what you know. God put together the pieces of your family jigsaw puzzle according to His plan.

It is a good one.

So walk on, trust Jesus, and be at peace.

Like your kids, you're in the process of becoming. Your heart will never shrink back to its original size.

[The Lord says,] "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." —Jeremiah 1:5a

(Excerpted from Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out, published by Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis.)

Moms, if you feel in over your head, take heart. Every day you leave footprints on tomorrow.

Blessings and love,

Lenore

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May 9, 2014
Did you ever notice how many people talk about even very young children as if they were miniature adults? It seems to me they confer upon youngsters way more self-control, maturity and judgment than kids are capable of at those ages.

Well-meaning parents do it, too. No doubt you've heard someone ask a little one, "What shall we have for lunch today?"

Lots of kids would be ready to shout, "Popsicles!" or "Gummi-Bears and M&Ms!"

Then Mommy might answer, "But, Honey, you know we couldn't have that for lunch. That wouldn't be healthy!"

Any reasonable child would be thinking, So why did you ask me if it doesn't matter what I say?

Good point

We do ask without really intending to take a child's answer seriously.

Sometimes our questions put the child a decision-making position that belongs to the parent. I remember the earnest young working mom I talked to before school started. She and her husband were going on a cruise, which would end just past the beginning date of school in her area. The problem was that "Timmy," her oldest child, was enrolled in kindergarten and it would be underway before she returned.

"So I just gave Timmy the choice," she said. "Did he want to wait for Mommy to come back and take him, so we could go into the school together and I could meet the teacher with him? Or did he want to go on his own, without Mommy? I told him if he waits, he'll miss out on lots of important stuff, like meeting other kids.

"I'm glad he decided to wait, so I can go with him on his first day, after all.

"But it is his choice. After all, Timmy is five years old. That's old enough to make decisions about his own life."

Do you agree?

It seems to me that decision belonged to the parents, not their five-year-old. He simply hasn't lived long enough to know.

That's not to say children should never have a voice. We give our kids a lifetime gift when we allow them to make age-appropriate choices. Little by little we increase the number of choices they get to make. By the way, that includes letting them live with the consequences (unless that would mean actual harm to them.) Always, we keep a watchful, protective eye–without hovering.

All this helps them learn and grow into strong young individuals who can manage on their own. And isn't that our goal as parents?

We need self-honesty, too

I suspect that young mom wanted to be missed and needed, but right then her longing for a vacation outweighed the beginning of kindergarten.

We're all wired the same way. We tend to think of our desires first. Being a parent keeps us shoving aside our wants and putting our kids first, but let's face it, we get weary. Growth is good, but sometimes it's not much fun.

Sooo we cut ourselves some slack. We try not to ask our children questions unless we plan to take their answers seriously.

We let our kids be kids.

Through their growth–and ours–we keep on encouraging, keep on loving.

As the writer of 1 Peter said in chapter 4, verse 8 (NIV):

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Love,

Lenore

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March 14, 2014
Sometimes a chance conversation teaches us a lot. Like the day a friend talked about her childhood.

"Our family was poor when I was growing up," she said, "but I never knew it.

"I remember the year Dad was out of work. Mom suddenly announced she was really tired of fixing turkey every Thanksgiving and announced our First Annual Rice and Beans Festival.

"We kids made silly paper hats out of grocery bags. Mom dug up some old candles and sent us out to pick up pretty leaves to decorate the table. Before we ate we went around the table and each of us, even my bratty brother, said our own thank-you prayer.

"Guess we kids forgot we didn't much like rice and beans because we stuffed ourselves. After dinner we had a contest to see how many blessings we could name, then played games.

"We all still talk of that as the best Thanksgiving ever.

"Friday nights were special, too. We always had popcorn and Kool-Aid. Then we'd sit around and watch TV together or play games. I know now that's all we could afford, but as a child it felt like a party every week.

"Whenever the power went out, Dad would clap his hands and say, 'Let's celebrate!'

"He'd light candles while Mom made peanut butter sandwiches. Then he'd spread out an old blanket and we'd sit in a circle, like around a campfire. We'd sing camp songs and one of us would make up a funny story, then the next one in the circle would have to keep it going.

"We had so many good times, so much laughing–small wonder I thought we must be rich. My parents simply knew how to make the most of every little thing.

"I hate to admit it, but my husband and I and our kids have a lot more stuff now than my parents ever did and we never celebrate any of it."

+++++++

That conversation stayed in my mind for a long time. Obviously, her parents were super-gifted with a thankful spirit. They have a lot to teach . . . me.

A lovely old hymn speaks truth to my heart. How about yours?

For The Beauty Of The Earth

For the beauty of the earth,

For the beauty of the skies,

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the beauty of each hour

Of the day and of the night,

Hill and vale, and tree and flower,

Sun and moon and stars of light,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the joy of human love,

Brother, sister, parent, child,

Friends on earth, and friends above,

Pleasures pure and undefiled,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

Blessings to you, my friend, at Thanksgiving and every day,

Lenore

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November 21, 2013
Rex Babin, cartoonist for the Sacramento Bee, perfectly captures the emotions felt by many of us during the amazing, God-blessed rescue of the Chilean miners.

I think it's because each of us could mentally step into the shoes of those waiting wives and family members. During the previous 69 days they shed gallons of anxious tears. Now their eyes brimmed with tears of joy and thanksgiving.

You and I have prayed for a loved one to be safe. We know what it's like to gaze into a beloved face we feared we might never see again. We know what it's like to long to hear the sound of someone's voice.

Perhaps some of those couples parted in anger that day. We have, too. We know what it's like to later wish we had said, "I love you, no matter what. I love you and I don't care what happened. I love you."

These joyful reunions remind us not to take each other for granted.

Last August 5th probably at least one or two of those Chilean wives waved from across the room or out the car window as their husbands went off to work. Another ordinary day like every other day. Ho-hum.

Except, of course, it wasn't.

We do that, too, don't we? After all, life is busy and we're in a rush. Family members have places to go and things to do. Kids go off to school. Nothing unusual about that. We'll see each other at the end of day.

Or maybe not.

Sure, mining is riskier than going off to the hardware store. But there's no escaping a shocking truth. We live with the same uncertainty as the miners who went down into the depths of earth.

Being alive is risky. Not one of us knows what any day will bring. None of us knows how many days we'll go on breathing.

So I propose we fix those Chilean reunion images in our minds and replay them often. Let them remind us to treasure our spouses and children and friends–and parents–while they're still with us. To understand that while they're not perfect, neither are we.

And let's be joyful in the moment we're living. One moment at a time is all we get and only God knows the number of our days. He wrote them in his book before we were born (Psalm 139:16.)

So with our perspectives freshly adjusted let's live out what we know. Each person we love who loves us back is a precious gift, not a given.

That's what we communicate when we say those three simple, wonderful words, "I love you."

And don't forget the hugs,

Lenore

Question for you: What story can you share with the rest of us? (Just click on "Comments" at the end and follow directions.)

Who needs to hear you say, “I love you,” today?

October 14, 2010