A lot of moms tell me they wish they could go back and start again–if they could already be equipped with what they know now.
"Next time," they say, "I wouldn't get so uptight, always wondering if I was doing it right. I would be calmer, more patient. I would just enjoy every moment so much more!"
Can you identify with that feeling? I can.
I loved our four daughters with all my heart and sincerely tried to be a good mom. Later I understood that I tried so hard I made myself uptight.
If I were starting over . . .
First of all, I'd relax, knowing it's more important to get enough rest and stay cheerful than to be sure no dust bunnies hide in the corners.
My To Do list would take second place to the joy of simply being there. Being present with the children God gave us and letting myself experience the joy more fully.
Yes I know, that sounds kind of other-worldly.
The truth is, there's nothing more real than taking joy in the moment in which you are living. The joy of watching each child's personality come through.
Sometimes we parents ask ourselves, Who are these little people? That can't be clearly defined, since every person is a combination of all the family members who went before, not just their birth mother and father.
It's a mystery and a joy–if we let it be.
We moms get to be in on this unfolding. We get to care for and guide and influence these mystery beings who in one sense march to their own drummers and in another, march to whatever tune we pipe their way.
That's a heavy responsibility. And an awesome privilege.
We see the parts, not the whole of our children's lives
We can't foresee how quickly our little ones will grow up, take control of their lives and make their own decisions. At first I imagined what our girls thought or did would be an extension of my husband and me and what they'd learned in our home.
It wasn't long before I realized that each one was her own person. That showed even more clearly as they grew into the teenage years and became adults.
I shouldn't have been surprised. Hadn't I always said God only creates one of a kind?
Being a mom is an exercise in giving
Not one of us who's a mom comes out of it the same as we went in.
And that's a good thing!
Being a mom quickly throws ice water on any traces of a me-centered mode of living. Screaming babies who need to be nursed or have their diapers changed bring an urgency that supersedes our own needs.
Through all the years . . .
We keep learning and growing, stretching to accommodate what sometimes strikes us as the "shocking ideas" of our kids and grandkids. Still, we want to be fair so we evaluate it. Often we find ourselves thinking, Hmmm. I never thought of it that way.
That's a good thing. It keeps us from growing barnacles as we sit in our safe harbor of already knowing absolutely what we think about everything.
God never meant us to stay stuck in our thinking. At any age He expects us to be growing, because only He knows what He would have us become over a lifetime.
Whatever age your children or mine may be, however we may applaud or decry their lifestyles, only God can see the whole of their lives. And so we keep praying.
Our kids bring out our best side
Poet Roy Croft wrote a poem titled "Love." It's often used at weddings, but I think these lines express what many of us would say as we think about how rearing our children has changed us:
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out ...
Being a mother changes us
Our children grow and so do we. That's reason enough to thank God.
None of us knows what tomorrow will bring. Don't let this Mother's Day pass without expressing your love to your mother while you can.
From now on let it become your resolve to write your children and tell them what they mean to you and how proud you are to be their mom–not just on Mother's Day, but every day. You will bless their lives and also your own.
Love never needs a special day as an excuse to be spoken. Or written. So any day of the year let your love flow freely. The more you give away, the more you get back.
And wouldn't each child, whatever their age, welcome a bit of extra encouragement and assurance from their mom?
Blessings and much joy to you,
Lenore
