Tag: Role models

  • Have you ever considered the influence other people–real or imagined–have on how you think and how you live?

    It's worth thinking about because such individuals easily become our role Blog. Woman. Computer. 1.22models. After that comes trying to measure up to them. What we forget is that most of the time what we see is a carefully staged image.  

    We already know that's true with celebrities, but we may not factor that in once we get on social media. Even when we don't it's easy to be drawn in because Facebook and the like now seep into every facet of life. 

    How many of us judge ourselves inadequate just because "they" are so perfect?

    Real life examples

    Because I write about people and life, I pay attention to what people care about. I aim to stay on-track and I'm always looking for raw material.

    This plays out in odd ways. When I'm in a public place and can't avoid overhearing conversations I do not try to listen in, but sometimes it's impossible not to overhear what's said. Of course I would not record such interactions with my phone unless the speakers gave their permission to do so. I also avoid shooting photos or videos and never use real names unless given an okay. I do, however, often scribble notes surreptitiously, just so I don't forget.

    In most conversations social media eventually creeps in. Here are a few examples, make-believe exchanges based on real life…   

    "I love Facebook! Last week I connected with my best friend from high school–haven't seen her since then. She looks terrific! We're getting together next month and I am in a panic. Before then I need to lose 10 pounds and get a total makeover!"  

    Or: "The other day I found my boys–who usually specialize in pestering each other–sitting with their arms around each other's shoulders. Faces clean, clothes clean, I couldn't believe it. I grabbed my phone and snapped a bunch of photos. Hope this raises my "likes" count. I know I shouldn't care, but I can't stop myself from keeping track."    

    Or: "Isn't Pinterest great? For months I've collected photos of bedrooms. Last week I found the most perfect room for little girls. Now I can relax and just copy every detail for my three-year old."  

    It's not just women. Listen to two men having lunch:  

    The business suit wearer said, "I'm so tired of reading on LinkedIn about guys I graduated with. You can tell by the cut of their suits that they make way more money than I do. What am I doing wrong?" 

    A few minutes later the one in athletic clothes later said, "I'm really tired of reading about guys my age who run marathons and set records. I used to do that, too, but now I have a bad knee. When I read about my old running buddies, well, next to them, I feel like a loser." 

    Wanting to measure up to another person is as old as Eden. What's different now is the easy accessibility of social media sites. It seems the one common element among all of them is endless pictures of "perfect" people who seemingly never mess up.

    Is that even possible? 

    Next time evaluate what you see through this lens: People only post what they want you to see

    Those angelic children? Think. Who posts pictures of their kids when they have stomach flu and are in mid-puke? Or shots of their "model" kitchen when they're running behind and that snazzy new sink overflows with dirty dishes?

    It seems as if "everybody else" achieves great things. Think. Most people keep quiet about their near-misses. Or how often do you find photos of redecorating or remodeling mess-ups that got abandoned before the "perfect" one that made the cut?   

    I'm not implying deliberate intent to deceive, just that human nature usually is self-protective. 

    Even in the best of us.

    A counselor said, "Too many people spend too much time on social media sites.

    "They come into my office and say they're depressed and don't know why. From their talk it becomes clear they look at their lives through a sort of Facebook filter. They come away feeling vaguely dissatisfied with who they are and what they have.

    "I try to bring them back to seeing what's real and right in front of them. To appreciating who they are and what they have. That can make a huge difference, all by itself."

    For every one of us, our experiences and preferences are unique to us. (God creates us one-of-a-kind, remember?) 

    Yet if we dig long enough we begin to see we all wear a "filter" of some kind. That's true whether we're considering our individual values and perspective, even our marriage and our children, whether they are young or adult.  

    Some of us disagree. We may pat ourselves on the back and say, "I'm a thinking adult and I make up my own mind. That's it!"

    Are you sure?  

    Where can we find a truly reliable standard?

    For starters, human beings often let us down. Every hero or heroine has clay feet, just as we do. That is to say, every human being is fallible. Imperfect.

    Suppose we just accepted that and let go of our angst.

    Think how restful it would feel to stop measuring ourselves by anyone, whether they live next-door or show up in any kind of media. 

    Then we could give up counting our "likes" on some social media site and just be who we are. Ahhh, doesn't that feel good?

    When it comes to finding a stands-the-test-of-time guide for living, how about these?

    Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.  Romans 12:2  ESV

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  2 Corinthians 5:17   ESV

    For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.   Philippians 4:13  TLB

    Can you think of a better place to find reliable role models than in this book that endures through the centuries?  

    You'll find peace for your heart, too. 

    Lenore

    Do you really know your role models?

  •    Blog. Family watching TV. 2.15More is caught than taught.

    The first time I heard this catchy phrase the truth of it grabbed me. I thought immediately of parents and children.

    Sorry, that's too easy. This phrase applies to all of us. At any age and any stage of life.  

    Let's face it, each of us is a sponge. Without even thinking about it we soak up the moods and attitudes of people we spend time with.

    If that's true for adults, think how much more that applies to children and teens.

    Certainly they are less-experienced and therefore, likely to be more gullible. In the usual school situation, they spend their days absorbing what teachers and textbooks tell them is true.  

    All the while, multiple choices of social media are as close as their fingertips–and many of them are downright dangerous. Any time of day or night they can easily connect with information they assume comes from "people who know." 

    Are we adults any better?

    How often do we check our cell phones? Or the Internet? Some of us stay glued to the Internet or TV from waking to bedtime every day. Media stars, books, newspapers and magazines color our opinions, too.

    Celebrities rave–for pay–about certain products. Talk show hosts with time slots to fill interview authors of books sent to them (free) by publishers. And we take it all in, often without much thought about what we just saw and heard.

    Then you or I or the people next door just "happen" to buy said product or book.

    Our children take their cues from us 

    Almost from the moment our kids pop onto the scene we become their main role models. I wasn't ready for that. Were you? 

    In no time I learned that little ones are all eyes and ears–and they don't miss a thing. Especially our bad habits.

    In their early years youngsters want to be "just like Mommy" or "just like Daddy." That's why they galumph around the house wearing our way-too-big shoes.

    It's one of life's mysteries how a youngster can go straight from that stage (it seems) to adolescence, when they announce the last thing they want is to be like either parent. 

    What do we do then? Ron Taffel, described as "a child-rearing expert," nails it:

    Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride.

    Still watching us 

    I used to think once our kids were grown we would have no influence on them. Not true.

    Even when they're adults who live perfectly fine lives on their own, our children unconsciously look to us as role models.

    In some instances that sounds contradictory, especially if a son or daughter seems bent on doing everything they can to be different from us.

    Think of it this way. They may keep an eye on what we do and say to track whether the standards we preached while they were growing up were just for them or for us, too. 

    When family tales are good for a laugh

    The bride was preparing a huge dinner for the couple's extended family. She planned to serve a baked ham and cut off the end of it before she put it in the baking pan. When her husband asked why, she answered, "Because Mom always did."

    When feast day arrived the young hostess asked, "Mom, I cut off the end of the ham like you always do and Jason asked why. I didn't know. Why did you always do that?"

    Her mother thought a bit. "I guess because Grandma always whacked off the end of the ham. Let's ask her."

    After Grandma stopped laughing she said, "Well, I had to. My only pan was too small for a big ham."

    That, my friends, is one of the ways lifestyles and funny little quirks can live on for generations.

    Every one of us is somebody's child

    We, too, carry around pluses and minuses we "caught" from our parents and childhood relationships. Sometimes it can take years before we understand that and see clearly. That makes it worth every once in awhile asking ourselves:

    How many traits and foibles of my parents do I still hang onto?

    Are they helping me or dragging me down?

    Which one(s) do I need to leave behind?

    If you want to shed some old thinking but you don't know how to change, don't give up. Here's the Good News: You don't have to do it on your own. You have Jesus on your side.

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.  –2 Corinthians 5:17  ESV

    For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  –Philippians 4:13  NLT

    Start now, with baby steps. One at a time. Keep your eyes always focused on the One who makes all things new. 

    Best of all is when we can hang on to what was good in our growing-up years and combine it with what the Lord has taught us in our adult lives. 

    Learning and growing never stop–and aren't you glad of that?

    Lenore

    Who or what makes us who we are?

  • When sweet, wholesome Hannah Montana becomes Miley Cyrus, what's a mother to do?


    Blog. Miley Cyrus. 9.13If you've been anywhere near a TV or your computer, you couldn't escape seeing shots of Miley Cyrus' performance at the MTV awards show. By all reports it was the opposite of sweet and wholesome.

    For years hordes of young girls adored squeaky clean Hannah Montana and so did their moms. So when squealing girls clamored for Hannah Montana lunch boxes and T shirts and all manner of clothing items and accessories moms and dads gladly shelled out hard-earned cash.

    What happened, anyway?

    First, Miley Cyrus is not the first Hollywood type to disappoint and I'm pretty sure she won't be the last. She craved attention and she got it.

    Second, actors act, remember? Hannah Montana was a character created by script writers and carefully maintained by the "Hannah Montana Industry."

    Since we can't ignore this, why not seize upon it?

    Instead of panic, why not use this for good?

    • Assume your kids have seen Miley's MTV performance, or at least bits of it, even if they haven't mentioned it.

    • Remind them that most of what we watch on-screen is acting, or at least, people reading from a script using a teleprompter.

    • Anyone who ever watched a filming knows contestants are instructed to be entertaining that is, loud. Even audience members clap and cheer when told to.

    • From now on your kids will be less gullible viewers of TV and movies. That's a good thing.

    Star role models have only temporary clout

    Researchers frequently interview teenagers and college students, asking who in their lives has been their greatest and most lasting influence.

    Results never vary. By an overwhelming majority young people name their mothers and/or their fathers.

    Let this sink in deep: You are your children's role model. For life.

    Even if they argue with you. Even when they seem to reject everything you say to them. Even though they tell you they can't wait to leave home.

    Sometimes that's hard to remember when our child wanders off on a tangent that may last awhile. Then we remind ourselves the end of their story has not yet been written and keep praying.

    Every day we leave footprints on tomorrow

    Always, what our kids see us do and hear us say matters more than our careful instructions on how to live and act. (That's true even when our children are grown.)

    If we're looking for how-tos, the Apostle Paul always gives good advice. Here's a snippet from Ephesians 4:29 and 32 (NIV.) 


    Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen . . . Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

    That's not a bad model for you and me within our own family, is it?

    Each family will live it their way and that's okay. God creates one-of-a-kinds, remember? 

    Learning, too,

    Lenore


    Related articles

    Do your kids a favor and tell them life is not fair
    Are we doomed to repeat the bad habits of our parents?
    Why banishing a couple of words can bring big rewards at home

    Which role models will your kids follow? You might be surprised

  • Young or old, every one of us needs someone to look up to.  

    Blog. Soldier mom returns. 5.12We need heroes in our lives.

    Memorial Day is all about honoring those who serve in the Armed Forces now and those who died to keep our Nation free. Certainly we can never repay them or their loved ones, so we clap and cheer, our emotions a tumble of pride, gratitude and humility.

    Then we stop talking bravery and get back to normal. 

    What about the other 364 days of the year?

    Maybe it's time we stop looking "out there."

    Heroes live all around us.

    They come in all ages, all sizes and all shapes. Think of military spouses who thanked God their husband or wife survived terrible injury and now pray every day for strength to keep going. Consider the mom or dad with a severely disabled child or a loved one who needs constant care. Try to imagine the anguish over what was lost. Yet every day they get up, smile and keep on showing love.

    Heroes, every one. One may live next door or even under your roof.

    Heroes keep their word. They hang on through hardship. They keep on loving despite disappointments and refuse to give up. They consistently affirm the good in others.Spend five minutes with them and we walk away feeling better about ourselves. Lifted up.

    Children especially need heroes

    From their youngest years, kids crave stability and trustworthiness. Faithfulness. Love that won't quit. Something to believe in that's as sure as sundown and sunrise. Just by being loving parents, imperfect and flawed as we all are, we fill their deepest needs. They feel safe and secure.

    That continues, even through their prickly adolescenet years. Every survey says that young people still pay more attention to their parents and how they live than to any media or sports star. Even when our grown children are well into adulthood they watch us, to learn how to handle life.

    That's our contuing privilege and it gives us purpose for every day we live.

    It's okay to feel shaky

    None of us can role-model goodness and courage every day of every year. But we can ask God's help, then go forth with trust and joy. I like this "road map:"

        Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
        Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.     –Psalm 3:5-6

    Let's keep praying for our military personnel

    They serve our nation and they serve us. Their courage wavers, too. They get weary and weak and want to give up sometimes. They need our prayer support.

    It's personal in our family. One granddaughter is on her second re-enlistment with the Navy and scheduled for a Middle East deployment. Another completed her duty with the Marines Corps after a tour in Kuwait and one near Baghdad. Like all military parents our daughter and her husband wait and worry and most of all, pray.

    Others will continue to argue over the "rightness" or "wrongness" of war. Let us unite and thank God for those who serve in our Armed Forces and pray He will preserve this nation.

    With love from your fellow learner,

    Lenore

    Looking at the heroes around us