Have you ever thought that you and your mate are walking adverts?
If you’ve been married awhile and still clearly enjoy being together it’s as if you’re wearing signboards that say, “Staying Married Is Great!”
You probably don’t realize it, but you are a mystery to many. Here you are, real people living out your real life together, with all life’s challenges. And happy!
How does that happen?
I’m no expert, but this “formula” is the best capsule advice I’ve ever heard: One day at a time you decide again to love each other.
Decide even though love is not an always-constant emotion. (Ask any long-married couple.) Rather, it ebbs and flows like the ocean, with high tides and low tides.
Isn’t it tragic that marriages often break up because one spouse bails out at low tide?
What enables a couple to “keep on, keepin’ on”?
For a marriage to endure it takes a willing husband and a willing wife.
Willing to forgive.
Willing to work through the tough stuff of life together.
Willing to keep at it and try again. And again. And again.
When you hit a rough spot there’s no wiser counsel than this:
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Everybody has “issues.” Get over it
For toddlers it’s normal to have a mindset of, “I, me and mine”.
That has to go if you want to grow stronger together. What nurtures a marriage is for both partners to think in terms of “you,” “we,” “us,” and “our.”
Within a healthy marriage or family, give-and-take is standard behavior–without keeping score. If one always “wins,” eventually the one who always “loses” gets tired of it. That goes away when we give up picking out faults and make it a habit to look for and praise each other’s strengths.
Can we fail and still be worthy of love? Yes, if we’re willing to leave behind old hurts and regrets and to regard each day as a new beginning.
Confessing faults and asking God for help makes all the difference. As usual, the Bible tells us how to thrive in any relationship:
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
Just “being there” counts
Day after day you are there. That by itself communicates love and strength. Each time you hit a snag and come through it together your sense of oneness grows stronger.
What’s more, you give your kids a gift beyond price. They will know the balance of having a mom and a dad. Moms provide the, “Oh, be careful! You could get hurt!”
Dads say, “Aw, you’ll be fine. Go for it!”
Children do best when they grow up with that mix of caution and daring.
Together you model to your children that you value your marriage and your family as worth what it takes to keep it all going. You give your kids an example of how to live when they marry.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:11
You bless the people around you, too, the silent watchers
Some may be disillusioned and uncertain about marriage because they tried it and ended up divorced. Singles often hesitate to risk marriage because they consider divorce inevitable, so why bother?
Just by being who you are, you’re already equipped to be an encourager.
Let your happiness together show, but don’t gloat. Now and then you may want to share some of your struggles, but don’t stop there.
Something like, “My husband (or wife) and I couldn’t make it if we didn’t know we can lean on the Lord” can be a lifeline to another person or another couple.
Remind yourself often what’s going right in your marriage, your family and your life
Let yourselves rejoice in it. Otherwise you risk getting caught up in everyday ups and downs and losing sight of the fact that you are blessed.
Focus on what is good and right and true and your marriage will grow stronger everyday.
And don’t forget to thank God for your husband or wife and pray that He will bless you with many good years together.
With love,
Lenore
