Are you tired of the same old, same old and looking for a lift?
That feeling comes easy in times like this, when we're weary of uncertainty and warnings day after day and restrictions about this and that. 
It's tempting to fixate on what's wrong with our lives. Or our spouse. Or our kids. Our jobs–or lack of same. The four walls we live in.
Right away we post those faults front-and-center on the bulletin boards of our minds and we check it frequently. This gives us a handy reference when we're looking for something or someone to blame for our down moods.
Any time we think of something new–and we will–we pencil it in at the bottom of the list.
It's way too easy to go down that track. Trust me, a person could get stuck in that groove on the road to nowhere.
Molehills grow into mountains in no time.
Stick with the better way
Instead of a gripe list, what if we looked for reasons to be thankful instead of reasons to complain?
Call it a Happiness List or maybe, a Blessings List. Or use a title such as, "What I love about about ____."
Start with the ones you love most. Write their name at the top of a plain sheet of paper and list at least ten good things. Don't look for something huge like "Leaps tall buildings."
It's okay to start with simple things of daily life like brushing one's teeth and throwing dirty socks in the hamper. If necessary, put on your rose-colored glasses. For example, if this one never praises the cook, do they gulp down their meals without complaint? Then write that down on your list. (Eating without comment is way better than eating with complaints, isn't it?)
Do the same for each child–whatever their age–and in-law kids, if you have them. Ditto for individuals in your life who seem a problem. Look past troublesome areas and focus on their good points.
This may feel artificial, but remember your goal: You want to replace stinkin' thinkin' with the good stuff.
Post your list(s) where you can't help seeing them. Read them at least once a day, sometimes out loud and always thoughtfully. Before long you'll find worthy qualities you overlooked before.
Once we start focusing on what's good, we'll find more. This can't help but work positive change in relationships.
Put on your wider focus
It's disturbingly easy to develop tunnel vision and get all wrapped up in ourselves and our wants and needs.
The hard fact is we may not know what our loved ones are feeling. Sometimes it's because we're married to someone who bottles up feelings. Or perhaps we spend our days apart from each other and simply don't know the challenges the others face and what they deal with.
It's likely the people we love don't know our deepest thoughts and concerns, either.
It's possible to feel like a stranger with one's husband or wife, or while surrounded by one's family.
That makes every day time to talk
Talk. Talk from the heart. That can feel awkward if it's not your everyday way of relating.
What's proven helpful for many is to do "Highs and Lows" each day.
Don't fret about the "how-to." What matters is that each one feels comfortable and accepted so sharing doesn't feel risky.
First off, make it a ground rule that each person is allowed to feel what they feel–without teasing or criticism. Then while everyone is together around the dinner table:
- Each family member shares the high point of their day.
- Next, each one relates what felt to them like a low point that day–while the others listen.
- (Keep it to "I messages," as in, "This is how it feels to me.")
- Wind up with each one speaking a blessing to the others.
The answers we hear may alter our outlook a little or a lot. A Canadian proverb says it well.
"Walk a mile in my moccasins to learn where they pinch."
Big changes often start with something small
By now you may be thinking this gesture is too minor and undramatic to make any difference. Au contraire, my friends.
Gazing at the world through the perspective of people we love helps draw us closer. We become less critical because we are more aware of how they think and feel–and they of us. As we better understand what they deal with our prayers become more real and in-touch.
By the way, this is never a one-time-for-always-and-done thing. Keeping a loving, positive outlook is a daily battle within our minds. And hearts.
By no coincidence that's where we're most likely to hit quicksand.
If we're stuck in the muck, we need help to climb out
I don't know about you, but I often stumble in my walk of faith. That's why I rejoice that changing my outlook is not all up to me. When we believe in Jesus as our Savior we can be strong, even when we feel weak. He is our Helper, remember?
Here are some Bible verses to help us as we grow:
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. —Psalm 51:10
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. –2 Corinthians 5:17
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. –Colossians 3:12-14
Our call is to start where we are and trust God to help us. As we stick with our new resolve and keep on nurturing our relationships with love, keep on growing in faith, we will change–and our happiness level will keep rising.
Learning, too,
Lenore
