I know, it sounds too simple, but then, most principles of life boil down to simple, don’t they?
It took me way too long to understand that sticking to these three attitudes toward life can eliminate much of what we call “stress”.
Here’s what I came up with for now.
1. Get real.
2. Get focused.
3. Get thankful.
Curious? Read on.
Get real. We ought not expect the people around us to be on our wave length. They’re individuals, remember?
So are the people we’re closest to. So it shouldn’t surprise us if they don’t immediately grasp the meaning of what we say to them. And vice versa. This explains why any two people so often talk past each other.
I well remember the first time I gave my husband one of those “poor little me” remarks, thinking my groom would understand and see my point. Instead, he replied, “Honey, you’re only disappointed because you expected me to do that and I didn’t. But you never asked or even hinted. How was I supposed to know what you wanted?”
Once I got over being annoyed I realized my practical guy was right. Like many women I value spontaneous gestures and like most men, he wasn’t wired that way.
A small bit of common sense reminds us that flowery gestures come cheap–and can be empty. A good marriage thrives on honesty, faithfulness and loving through whatever comes. So does any close relationship or friendship.
Getting real means steering clear of comparisons and if onlys, too. That’s harder to do in the face of social media and because we stare at screens so much of the time.
It’s time we engrave this on the hard drive of our minds:
Except for live interviews and action shots, everything we see on TV or on Facebook, Instagram, and the like has been carefully staged.
(Think about it. Would you post a photo or video depicting your family and yourself in the midst of a bad day?)
Nevertheless, distractions like TV shows and social media can be enticing traps. We look at what’s onscreen and then contemplate our “imperfect” lives and get depressed.
We get depressed because we forget that we see only what they want us to see.
2. Get focused
Whether we realize it or not, we constantly telegraph–and pick up–messages by what we focus on.
I saw that play out at lunchtime one day. At the next table a dad and his little girl, maybe four years old, were having lunch. Throughout their meal Daddy talked with his daughter and she talked back, with lots of smiles and giggles. He picked her up when they finished and she buried her face in his neck. He carried her out and both were grinning from ear to ear.
Tables around them held other couples and families, everyone engrossed in their smart phones or electronic gadgets and grabbing bites. Nobody smiled and nobody talked to anybody, at least not to any live person sitting at the same table. When they finished eating they simply got up and walked out, still focused on their electronic gadgets. I doubt I could have counted five smiles among that group.
The contrast pained my heart. The daddy and daughter deepened their relationship and enhanced their family’s strength and love. The others, the ones who hardly spoke to each other, satisfied their hunger and their curiosity of the moment. Nothing more.
I’ll not forget that day because it felt as if I were observing a case study in the ways people interact with others. Or lack of same.
That lunchtime drove home an important truth for me: What and whom we focus on plays a huge part in our moods and how we view our lives.
3. Get thankful
For some of us progress may be slow, but to simply be thankful can become a habit. I truly believe that.
I’ve been working for years to learn the art of tuning my awareness toward the good rather than getting hung up on what I perceive as life’s insufficiencies or annoyances. I don’t have it nailed yet, but I’ve made progress. I see the difference in my moods and outlook on life.
I know now how much it lifts my mood all day if I start by thanking God for what is and ask His strength and blessing for the day.
At bedtime I wrap up the day by thanking the Giver and naming the good, ending with a simple, “Thank you, Lord.” Then I commit to God’s loving care the people I’m concerned about and whatever troubles me. Most of the time that helps me drift off to sleep with a smile.
As always, the Bible shows us how:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.1 Peter 5:7
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.Philippians 4:8
That last verse from Philippians spells out the best and most stable places to park our thoughts.
Once we learn to fix our thoughts on what is real and what is right in our lives and in the people we love, living more happily naturally follows. Instead of scowling and complaining about what’s wrong with the world, we can fasten on God’s goodness in the midst of it all–and smile.
(Besides, they say smiling helps stave off wrinkles.)
Time to count up all the reasons we have to be thankful.
Even now. Even though. Even if our personal story is full of pain.
Like one young man I read about. I only have a few sentences of fact about his brief encounter with a friend, but here's how I imagine it have gone.
"Joel" suffered a freak accident that shattered his life in an instant. This once-strapping young man became a paraplegic for life.
When his best friend since childhood, "Kev," saw him for the first time he tried not to stare as he took in the finality of his buddy's situation. Joel would never walk again.
Then Kev heard himself blurt, "Isn't it strange how one day can color a whole life?"
"Yeah," Joel said and nodded. A moment later he flashed his old smile and said, "But I thank God that I still get to choose the colors."
So do you and I. Thanks-living is a matter of the mind and heart. Our every-day attitude.
Once we plug in that perspective it changes our view of life. And us. We stop bemoaning what's missing and start being glad for what is.
It helps to think about that original Thanksgiving
Start with The Mayflower. Forget modern ocean liners. This merchant ship measured only 64 feet long, about the distance from a baseball pitcher's mound to home plate. It traversed the Atlantic at a sizzling two miles an hour.
Those 102 Pilgrims were packed into the cargo hold, an area about half the size of a basketball court. Ceilings measured less than five feet high. Their group included 18 married couples and their children. Two wives were pregnant and one delivered her baby during the voyage.
For 66 days and nights they endured limited space, little privacy, poor ventilation and scanty meals because they feared running out of food..
At last, on November 11, 1620, the captain spotted Cape Cod and dropped anchor offshore in the New World.
No inns with warm rooms and cushy beds awaited them
They had only The Mayflower to provide shelter from the endless unknown that stretched before them when they looked toward land. Fear stalked them but they dare not give in.
Because The Mayflower would sail back to England in spring, the men had no choice but to row to shore every day, whatever the weather. There they worked together to build basic shelter for their group, as well as for the chickens and pigs they brought with them.
They dug graves, too. Lots of them. By that first Thanksgiving only 50 of the 102 Pilgrims who left England remained alive. Only three of the 18 married couples still had both spouses.
Let that sink in. Imagine their heavy hearts as the survivors gathered to celebrated their first harvest. They resolved to set aside their grief and together, thank God, the Giver.
He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might, He increases power. Isaiah 40:29
Do we have what it takes to do the same?
Not one of us has or will have a perfect life. You and I, too, survive because God enables us to keep breathing and gives strength for each day.
Let's be on the alert for the good in life and be ready to acknowledge it. In people. In family members. It's always there, even in hard times.
In every situation we still get to choose our outlook and to speak the good word. No eloquence required, just the doing.
Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Let's share our lessons learned
Some of us never speak of our mistakes, as if we've skated along through life with never a rough spot. This may protect our egos, but it cheats our children and grandchildren.
We can bless them by gently telling stories about our ups and downs and lessons learned–and how God brought us through. Were there times we "feasted" on Spam because we couldn't afford turkey? Pass on such tales, if only to show it's possible to rejoice and to laugh, even when life's not perfect.
Most importantly, as we share our stories, let's point to the Giver.
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Psalm 107:1
When we thank God it reminds us we're not alone–and we never were
Neither were the Pilgrims. Like us, they anguished over their pain and their losses, but they didn't camp there. They chose instead to focus on God's faithfulness through it all.
Can't we do the same?
Start with "ordinary" things like the myriad colors in trees and plants and flowers. We take all that for granted, but what if our Creator had colored all of Nature in shades of grey?
For each of us, if we truly take in what we see around us we'll understand why we can be thankful and can praise God.
Even when life disappoints us and sadness won't lift. Even when time drags on and we can't see an end to the waiting. Even then.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. Colossians 2:6-7
Every day, let's hone in on the joy of what is, rather than to waste time yearning for "perfect."
And let's remember that you and I "choose the colors" of our lives, too, every single day.
The other day a friend told of not being able to find her cell phone charger. "I took my house apart. I went through every place I could think of, but I absolutely could not find it.
"Finally I remembered to ask God for help. About two minutes later I realized I hadn't checked the wooden box on my counter. I checked the box and there it was. I think God was just waiting for me to ask so He could answer my prayer."
Is it really that simple?
Not quite. That would be a sort of "push-button God," wouldn't it?
Some of us have learned over the years that yes, God does hear our prayers. We may not always get the answer we prayed for, but one way or another, He will give what we truly need. Or we get a "wait" and feel forgotten. Only later will we understand that God did answer our prayers–and in the best way possible. We just hadn't recognized it at the time.
We can be certain of this: God does want to hear what's on our hearts:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. -Philippians 4:6
Do we pray only about the Big Things? Or everything?
Another time I was with a group of friends and one who lives alone told about trying to change a light bulb that refused to budge. "I was about ready to give up," she said.
"Finally I just said, 'Lord, I don't want to have to call someone to come for such a little job. Please help me!'
"Then I decided to give it one more try. A couple of twists and that silly bulb came right out. I know it was just a light bulb, but that day it seemed proof that God was watching over me."
People standing around her soon chimed in with their own stories of how they saw God's hand in their own challenges and also in various situations, past and present. Some were accounts of real crises and others of small, everyday things. In every case God brought the teller through the tough times.
It didn't matter. We listened and rejoiced together that God is faithful and He really cares about each one of us.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. -1 John 5:14
The truth is God really works
He can bless us with or without our prayers. It seems to me the value of us praying for everything that's on our hearts is twofold. First, it keeps us focused on our gracious Giver. Second, when we pray and things seem to "work out," it strengthens our faith because we know it's God answering our prayers and that reminds us that He loves us.
To put it another way, when we pray we look for His hand in our lives. We see Him already to work in our lives and therefore, we thank Him.
We know because we know that it is God blessing us. Not luck and not coincidence.
As for whether to pray only for Big Things or for everything, I vote for the latter. Listen to what the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 4:6-7:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Every moment of our lives it is as the song says: "He's got the whole wide world … in His hands."
That includes you and me. God is with us and He is for us and He always, always hears our prayers.
May you know this and may His peace fill your heart!
Sooner or later we discover that life is a series of highs and lows.
Each of us would choose the highs and toss out the lows. If we could.
Everything reminds us it's the season to rejoice, but perhaps right now it takes all we've got just to get through the day.
Looking back brings sadness.
Looking ahead brings fear.
Some may be waiting out results of medical tests, our own or someone we love. Or we know what the tests reveal–and wish we didn't.
Or it could be job loss. Marriage problems. Strained relationships with family members. The uncertainties of aging. The anxiety that rises in our throat every month as we total up expenses.
Hardest of all is the grief after a loved one dies. People talk about "closure," as if one shuts the door and that's it. Not true. Hearts thankful for happy memories can still ache, still feel empty. Even for Christians.
Silence is not always golden.
Whatever the cause we ache to feel joy once again
Despite what we see around us, some of us may not feel much like giving thanks or singing "Joy to the world."
Yes, we know hard times come to all of us,. Knowing that doesn't help much.
Perhaps we blush to remember times we told others in pain that the Lord helps those who help themselves. Now it's our turn–and we've tried. We may have prayed until our throat went dry and scratchy.
Maybe we've given up because nothing changes.
Ever since Eden we live in a messed-up world
That's plain to see, yet God in the Bible assures us that trouble does not mean God stopped loving us. He never will.
The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31:3-4 NIV
"Everlasting." Love that has no beginning and no end.
Another verse well-loved by many promises everything that happens to us has a purpose, one way or another.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 ESV
What could be "good" about a hard time?
Try these, for starters:
We may not know the answer to that question for awhile, but God does.
It may be good, even though it does not feel good to us.
Without a doubt every challenging experience will stretch us and change us.
Do I like this process? Not at all. I want my life to be smooth as a mountain lake at dawn.
Over the years I've learned not to blame God for causing my problems. Does He allow them? It seems so, but always to teach and grow me, not to beat me up and then walk away.
This leaves us with the obvious question to ask ourselves: How will I handle this?
We can fight the situation and complain and grow bitter. Or we can grow stronger. We can become a person with more empathy and understanding for the pain of others.
Always, the choice is ours.
The Pilgrims show us how to live
Paintings of that first Thanksgiving show the artists' concepts of the scene, but none can depict the emotions of that day.
When we look on happy settlers and friendly Native Americans gathered around a huge table loaded with food we assume joy ruled the day. After all, the year's bountiful food supply was safely stored away for winter so they could rejoice and be glad.
What isn't shown is the deep grief that shadowed that first Thanksgiving gathering.
The Mayflower left Britain loaded with 110 passengers and crew. By that first Thanksgiving about a year later, only 50 people survived. Only three families that boarded that ship remained intact.
And yet they thanked God.
Instead of getting stuck in mourning what and whom they lost, they turned their eyes and their hearts to what remained–and gave thanks to God.
What if we took our cues from them?
Whatever our situation may be, we, too, can entrust our lives to our Father's loving care and be at peace.
We can rejoice and celebrate what is.
How do we do that if at the moment, our joy has dwindled and our hope has dried up? Still we can wrap ourselves in the unfailing warmth of God's love for us and be comforted.
This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Psalm 107:1 KJV
Inward peace and joy do not depend on things going right for us. They flow out of knowing for certain that Jesus loves us. His Spirit is with us, every moment of every day.
Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him." John 14:23 ESV
As the old advertising slogan told us, "It's what's inside that counts"
My friend, you have all you need to deal with whatever comes. Today. Tomorrow. Always.
How do we get through the weeks ahead?
Breathe–and rejoice that you are able to
Refuse to keep reciting that familiar list of "What ifs"
Let yourself feel joy because you know who's really in control
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 ESV
For each of us, lasting joy and peace that come from trusting Jesus is the gift that we can rely on. Whatever the day brings.
So let us give thanks to the Giver. Let us rejoice and be glad!
Sometimes a chance conversation teaches us a lot. Like the day a friend talked about her childhood.
"Our family was poor when I was growing up," she said, "but I never knew it.
"I remember the year Dad was out of work. Mom suddenly announced she was really tired of fixing turkey every Thanksgiving and announced our First Annual Rice and Beans Festival.
"We kids made silly paper hats out of grocery bags. Mom dug up some old candles and sent us out to pick up pretty leaves to decorate the table. Before we ate we went around the table and each of us, even my bratty brother, said our own thank-you prayer.
"Guess we kids forgot we didn't much like rice and beans because we stuffed ourselves. After dinner we had a contest to see how many blessings we could name, then played games.
"We all still talk of that as the best Thanksgiving ever.
"Friday nights were special, too. We always had popcorn and Kool-Aid. Then we'd sit around and watch TV together or play games. I know now that's all we could afford, but as a child it felt like a party every week.
"Whenever the power went out, Dad would clap his hands and say, 'Let's celebrate!'
"He'd light candles while Mom made peanut butter sandwiches. Then he'd spread out an old blanket and we'd sit in a circle, like around a campfire. We'd sing camp songs and one of us would make up a funny story, then the next one in the circle would have to keep it going.
"We had so many good times, so much laughing–small wonder I thought we must be rich. My parents simply knew how to make the most of every little thing.
"I hate to admit it, but my husband and I and our kids have a lot more stuff now than my parents ever did and we never celebrate any of it."
+++++++
That conversation stayed in my mind for a long time. Obviously, her parents were super-gifted with a thankful spirit. They have a lot to teach . . . me.
A lovely old hymn speaks truth to my heart. How about yours?
For The Beauty Of The Earth
For the beauty of the earth,
For the beauty of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.
For the beauty of each hour
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon and stars of light,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.
For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth, and friends above,
Pleasures pure and undefiled,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.
Blessings to you, my friend, at Thanksgiving and every day,
