Author: lbuth0511de28fc

Maybe you're not like the rest of us. You and your husband always talk to each other and always not only listen, but also hear each other.

And maybe pigs fly.

For a lot of us, it goes something like this.

He:    "The boss handed out some pink slips today. I hear there will be more…"

She:   "My head's been pounding like crazy all day! I can't take much more of this."

He:    "We'd better start cutting corners. You never know what's coming next…"

She:  "Maybe I should see a doctor about these headaches… Mom had headaches first, before they found her brain tumor. Or maybe it's nothing…"

Does that ever happen at your house?

Most parents consider it typical that their children don't listen, especially teens. (Teens say the same thing about their parents.) Friends often disappoint us, too. We long for a listening ear and an encouraging word, but often they seem not to hear us. They're wrapped up in their own problems and can't wait to launch into telling us about them.

Okay, let's be honest. We're all that way, aren't we? We talk past each other–and call it conversation. We speak at each other, not to each other, then pride ourselves on our good communication skills.

In a nutshell, we talk past each other and call it conversation. What if we turned around and just…started listening, really listening? I ran across a couple of Bible verses that seem a fitting illustration–and a picture of what love looks like.

Love must be sincere…Rejoice with those who rejoice;

mourn with those who mourn.             —Romans 12:9, 15

========

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue

but with actions and in truth.               –1 John 3:18

Now, if you would please excuse me, I need to shut off this willful computer and go listen to my wonderful, longsuffering husband…

             Blessings,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed! Just click on the word "comments" below.





Ever thought how often husbands and wives don’t hear each other?

September 16, 2009
Imagine standing where your front door used to be, looking up and down your street– and seeing only smoldering rubble.

No, it's not Baghdad or Kabul. It's here in California. Scenes like this are playing out all over the state.

If you live in another state, you might wonder why we have so many wildfires. For one thing, we have lots of hilly areas, with brush and trees growing on them. Homes, expensive homes, often dot those canyon areas. People build there for the privacy and the view.

With almost no rain from April or May until November, we get dry. So we Californians always feel a bit edgy when our weather turns windy, with low humidity. In the Los Angeles area people cringe every time wild Santa Ana winds howl through the canyons and humidity drops below 10 percent. Sometimes fires rage even without those "devil winds," as they're often called.

This year, for instance. Being in our third year of drought means that everything is as combustible as a pile of kindling. Warnings go out all the time to avoid anything that can strike sparks, to skip building campfires, to be sure barbecue grill fires are out, etc. Even then, "harmless" activities can be dangerous. Not long ago one enormous fire started when a fellow was mowing and hit a rock.

So far in the Sacramento area we've had some fires, but nothing big.

That changed yesterday. Our humidity levels hovered beween 10 and 15 per cent. Then came dry winds blowing at 25 mph.

In the middle of nearby Auburn, along a busy road right through town, a fire broke out. Flames quickly spread and burned uphill into a residential area. We saw the black cloud of billowing smoke–and smelled it, too. Firefighters turned out from all over. Nevertheless, by nightfall, sixty-three homes and three businesses had burned to the ground. Dream homes, picture-perfect homes on large lots, some new, some older…all of them gone. This morning's television newscasts show streets and neighborhoods with nothing standing, only ruins.

Some people didn't even have time to grab a picture album or any important papers. One said, "I was taking an afternoon nap and somebody banged on our door, saying the fire was fifteen feet from my place. I got out with only the clothes I was wearing."

The tight-knit community of Auburn grieves today, but they're pulling together, offering food and shelter. People like me feel sad, too, thinking what it would be like to lose everything. No one died, thank God. Yet the outward trappings of our earthly life do carry meaning, if only for sentimental value.

Of course, we needn't have our homes burn down to have our lives change in an instant. All it takes is a car accident, a nasty tumble, a dreaded medical diagnosis, the death of one we love or job loss.

So how shall we get through this risky business of living without quivering in a corner? I only know one way: Trust in the Lord.

Yes, it's true, Christians suffer loss and illness and death, like everyone else. But believing that we're not alone and knowing others pray for us lightens the burden, however crushing it may be. In the midst of the pain we trust that God somehow will bring good out of the experience. Over time I've learned that what makes no sense at the time almost always turns out to have a blessing hidden in it, even if we have to wait awhile to see it.

What helps me get through tough times is to cling to Bible verses that speak to my heart. For me, it helps to write them down, then reread them whenever my courage wavers. Repeating them to myself calms my spirit. Here are a few verses I have underlined in my Bible.

      I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell            in safety.       –Psalm 4:8

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.                –Psalm 46:1-2

   When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;                       I will not be afraid.    –Psalm 56:3-4

Surely God is my help; the Lord in the one who sustains me. –Psalm 54:4

As we go about living our lives, let's be watchful, of course. But let's not give in to panic or constant low-level anxiety. All that does is churn us up even more–and our family members, too. We rob life of its joy.

Remember, you're in good hands–and I don't mean "with Allstate."

Peace and blessings,

Lenore

Question for you: Do you have a favorite Bible verse that blesses you? Why not share it with the rest of us? Just click on the word "Comments" below and a message form will pop up. Then follow the simple directions.

Terror on a Sunday afternoon

August 31, 2009
Schools around here are back in session–or soon will be. Kids of all ages, along with adults of all ages, are trekking back, or maybe for the first time.

Education is a wonderful thing. We say that all the time, don't we? And it's true.

Still, it takes courage to take that first step, whether you're a first-grader or an adult first-timer who's been away from school for a long time. There's a saying that goes something like this, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Beginnings are like that. The "first step" is the hardest. Each one that follows feels easier.

That truth applies, even when we're beginning a new way of doing things in our personal lives. What we know always feels more comfortable and safe than stepping off into the unknown.

Every one of us has "been there, done that" at least a couple of times. We all know that sinking feeling, that self-doubt that we can handle what's ahead. What to do?

One simple tactic is to change the way we think and hang a new label on what we're feeling. Instead of "fear" and "discomfort," we can call it "excitement." After all, can't you remember times when you felt excited and you had those same butterflies? Me, too.

So if you're stepping off into the unknown–or your children are–here's a benediction on your week and for this new undertaking. We sang it at church today. First our pastor sang it to us, all of us standing. Then each side turned to face the other and we sang it together, each side to the other side. How lovely to sing these words to the smiling folks facing us!

So I "sing" it to you, with all my best wishes.

As you go on your way may Christ go with you,

May He go before you to show you the way,

May He go behind you to encourage you,

Beside you to befriend you,

Above you to watch over,

Within you to give you peace.

God bless you, whoever you are–and thanks for taking time to read this blog now and then,

Lenore

Question for you: What new activities are you–or a family member–undertaking?

A benediction for your week–and your life

August 23, 2009
Hope you won't mind if I veer off-course this time, but I think it's worth it. While leafing through scribbled notes and clippings, I ran across a months-old article from the Sacramento Bee. It addresses a rather odd sign that indicates fire danger. I don't think it's common knowledge, but it's valuable information.

A woman named Kelli Wheeler wrote that her daughter's bedroom began to smell of fish, especially near the dresser. Since they had no fishbowls or aquariums, that made no sense. She installed air fresheners, which didn't help. One Saturday morning they tore everything apart in that bedroom, sniffing anything and everything, looking for something that might have crawled in there and died. Still, no luck.

She and her contractor husband checked out the HVAC vents under their 1950s house and in the attic. Nothing. The next day the smell was markedly worse. She and her husband moved the dresser out and saw nothing. But they smelled something else: smoke.

When her husband touched the outlet behind the dresser, it was scorching hot. They quickly yanked the plugs out of the socket, all of them too hot to handle.

The contractor husband, used to doing his own electrical work, dismantled the outlet. Plastic was scorched and wires melted. He recognized the cause: a loose neutral wire connected to the wall outlet, which had jiggled loose over time. Once that wire came loose it caused a spark to jump between the wires. With the smoke detector out in the hall, her daughter's bedroom would have been burning before the detector alerted them. Disaster averted, with thankful hearts all around.

The writer consulted authorities, who gave this warning. Homes built in the 1950s, through the late 1960s and into the 1970s, commonly had aluminum wiring. After years of hot and cold expansion, these wires commonly work loose. When you notice a persistent fishy smell, it's much more than an annoyance. Consider it a red flag–an emergency. This applies to ceiling fixtures as well as to wall plug-ins. Since homes usually have the same type of wiring throughout the house, the home's electrical system should be checked by a qualified electrician.

Also pay attention when lights flicker, which can mean overloaded circuits. If you get sparks when inserting or removing a plug, that's not norma. If an electrical cord is hot to the touch, don't use it. Or if a circuit breaker keeps on tripping, that's a problem.

Sorry to bring up something worrisome and surely none of us want extra expenses. These alerts, however, could be a life-saver.

Because that fishy smell is so unusual, I haven't been able to get this story out of my mind, even though it doesn't apply to our home. I pass it on to you, just in case. File it away in a corner of your mind, then keep it handy–for yourself or for someone you love.

As my grandmother used to say, "God watches out for us, but He still expects us to use our brains."

Be safe, my friends,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed! (Just click on the word "comments" in the small print at the end, then follow directions.)

Consider this a public service alert from a friend

August 17, 2009
Do you ever find yourself going through life in neutral? I plead guilty. I got a lesson in joy the other morning and my smile lasted all day. Nothing out-of-the-ordinary, just one of those everyday blessings easy to miss.

Let me set the scene. The landscape we look at every day is fairly common for this part of California. Common-use open space runs behind our house. A walking trail runs though this unmowed area and it's dotted with several huge, gnarly oak trees. I've always loved the way they grow, even when I only saw them in movies.

Many species of birds call those ancient trees home. One or the other is always singing or chattering. My personal favorite is the mockingbird, which can go on for hours. (Some people find that annoying, I know.) These birds like high places. Frequently one hunkers down on the roof next door and serenades us.

I looked out the other morning, enjoying another serenade, thankful once again that mockingbird is "ours" and chose to perch on the tip of the topmost branch. Suddenly that plain gray bird jumped straight up in the air, landed in the same place and never stopped singing. The bird kept repeating that performance over and over. I watched for several minutes what looked very much like leaping for joy.

Not long after I heard an unfamiliar noise out back, a kind of chattering. Fifteen or so California quail had dropped in for a quick visit and were lined up along the top railing of our fence. We had spotted some a few times while walking the trail, but had never seen them up close. This covey clearly had a leader and seemed sociable, nodding their heads at each other, clucking and muttering in quail talk. They sounded so much like a group of women that I had to laugh.

Then I noticed that just behind that tree a young mule deer was grazing. It soon ambled its way off down the hill. Somehow, it seemed the finishing touch. (This was not the first time we've seen deer. Every now and then they come right up to that our back fence and nibble through the bars.)

Now the point to all this nature talk. First, I've been known to grumble (surprise!) Yet even when it seems the city crowds in, God provides reminders of his creation. How many other little blessings do I miss every day?

Second, I always get to choose how I look at life. Mockingbirds can be viewed as pests…or as wonderful songbirds. Deer pay no attention to regular height fences, they devour rose gardens and just about any bloom that's not purple, except for daffodils. Yet did you ever see a more graceful animal?

For right now, I want to keep before me the image of that mockingbird jumping straight up. It looked like sheer exuberance that had to be expressed. I'd like some of that quality for myself. How about you?

Here's to greeting our days with joy!

Love and blessings,

Lenore

Looking more closely may lead to jumping for joy

August 3, 2009
Ever thought about how easily we get stuck in a thought pattern and go blind?

For whatever reason, we fixate on another person's annoying habits, the people we live with or work with. For example, I have 20/20 vision when it comes to spotting ways my husband could "improve."

Or maybe it's a friend or co-worker whom we like–if only s/he wouldn't constantly tap the table or say, "You know…" every three or four words.

Here's how it works between my husband and me, sometimes even now, after all these years of marriage. Somehow I miss the fact that only my perception has changed. What I get hung up on is such a small part of him it's as if I looked at his face and suddenly could see only one freckle.

I learned a long time ago this does nothing to bring us closer. However, that never stops me from falling into the same trap, over and over.

I remember talking with a divorced friend some years ago. She said, "My list of grievances just got too long and finally overwhelmed me. I decided if I got rid of my husband, my life would be happier. I wish I had known then that he wasn't the source of my unhappiness. I was."

I've never forgotten that conversation, because it made me gulp. Who among us doesn't have a "list?"

Maybe the trouble is we so easily keep track of the wrong stuff. What if we tried another strategy and jotted down qualities we appreciate?

Every one of us can find at least five good points about our husbands, our children, or our co-worker. Ten are even better. Never mind looking for headline grabbers like, "Local man saves child from drowning!"

The place to start is with the "invisible" qualities that march past us every ordinary day. Think about your husband. Maybe he gets up and goes to work each morning, or plays catch with the kids most nights. Being considerate around your relatives counts, too. Or how about "Doesn't just talk about faith, but lives it."

If you're stumped, go for the more obvious. "Smiles a lot," works. So does "Takes out the garbage." "Doesn't yell at me." Some of what you write may seem small, but there's always a flip side. Would you prefer this person did the opposite?

Once you have a list, the trick is to focus on that and ignore the rest. When you catch that person in the act of doing something we've noticed, that's the time to say so, along with a hug. Makeovers? Leave that to the other person and to God. (Have you noticed we can't change anyone else?)

My husband and I have worked on cheering for each other ever since we went to Marriage Encounter, decades ago. I, at least, keep re-learning this same principle.

To wit, a confession. In the middle of writing this post he called me to lunch. He had brought home fresh sweet corn, then husked it and cooked it, then assembled lunch and set the table. I sat down, we said grace, then I started chomping…without a word. That's when I heard my old familiar words coming out of his mouth. "I am really disappointed," he said, in my most pitiful tone of voice, exaggerating just a bit. "I thought I fixed something you really liked and you didn't even notice."

Hm-mm. Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, I was talking about that thing in my eye…

(Jesus said) "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"            –Luke 6:41

Here's to learning faster!

Love and blessings,

Lenore

Question for you: How does this work in your life? Why not share and encourage the rest of us strugglers? Just click on the word "comments" and follow directions. Hope to hear from you!

Found: a remedy for blindness-of-the-heart

July 30, 2009
How's the mood at your house? Or in your mind?

Maybe we're all suffering from hearing too much gloomy news and soaking it up like sponges. No wonder we feel heavy.

Whatever the cause is–or isn't–we can do a U-turn in our thinking. Here's how, in the words of the Apostle Paul.

And now, dear friends, let me say one more thing as I close this letter.

Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right.

Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable.

Think about things that are excellent and worth of praise.

Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.

–Philippians 4:8-9 (New Living Translation)

Reading over that list, maybe you think this sounds like something you've heard on television. Just remember that the Paul and other Bible writers said it long before Oprah or Dr. Phil.

It's pretty simple, really. We're to keep putting the good stuff in (a la Paul) and commit our days and our future to God. He'll do the rest.

His peace to you, dear readers, wherever you are,

Love,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed!

Here’s a prescription for a healthy outlook

July 25, 2009
"My kids have been waiting for this to start ever since last summer!" said the smiling young mother as she wiped perspiration off her forehead. She swayed from side to side, keeping her toddler quiet. "I brought our three oldest, plus two neighbor kids. Where do I sign in?"

She and her kids were part of the impatient throng that crowded into our church for the first night of Vacation Bible School this week. "I love those hot dogs and watermelon!" her preschooler announced. "Are we gonna have 'em tomorrow night, too?"

I shook my head and answered, "I don't know what the kitchen crew is planning for tomorrow night. It's a surprise!"

Once their laughing, jumping group was through I turned to the next. For 20 minutes or so parents and kids kept a dozen of us busy. Most moms and dads delivered their youngsters to their appropriate age groups, then hung around, waiting to see how it went. They needn't have bothered. Their excited kids were having too much fun to miss them. Once the parents were sure of that they walked back past our table to the door. Their faces telegraphed their feelings: Yeah! Two and a half hours of free time!

As of last night we were up to 230 kids attending, ages three through middle school. So far both kids and volunteers wear joyful expressions. Volunteers number at least 75, with the youngest age 13. The oldest is 92, loved by every kid. He's a feisty fellow who cleans up, empties trash cans and never frowns. Young to old, we work side by side, whether it's food prep, leading, crafts, putting away outside equipment or mopping floors.

Are we volunteers having fun? Yes. Would we do it again? Absolutely. Otherwise, why would we come back every year?

Cynics might wonder whether any of the work or the expense is worth it. None of us knows…but God does.

What we know is that children arrive and learn about Jesus. They learn that God loves them and watches over them, so they need not fear. Kids take turns on the playground and wait their turns for snacks. They memorize songs about Jesus and friendship and being kind to others, then sing them while waving goodbye and skipping their way out of the building. Before, during and after this week, those children and their parents have been prayed for.

I know several adults who first heard about Jesus at VBS, maybe only once or twice in their childhood. Yet they heard the Good News and seeds were planted.

So we rejoice. These parents know our VBS costs them nothing except gas money. Members of our church give this as a gift of love. We think all of it is more than worth it, if only for the fellowship we have and the joy it brings us.

Believe me, we're not naive. We know for some parents all it means is a freebie, with child care as a bonus. That's okay. When a parent says, "This is our fourth/fifth/sixth year at your VBS. Our kids love it!" we all beam from ear to ear.

They're here. We plant the seeds. The rest is up to God and his Spirit.

Blessings,

Lenore

Question for you:What are your VBS memories? Why not share them with the rest of us?

Fun in the summertime–with VBS

July 15, 2009
My apologies for what's been occupying this space these past few days. I just realized my last piece–which was not ready–accidentally got posted. Hope you'll give me another chance although being human, I can't promise it won't happen again. Here's the rest of that post in finished form.

Do you read to your children? Regularly? Good for you!

Start about the time your baby reaches six months, says The American Academy of Pediatrics. According to their website, this helps stimulate brain development. Reading together also strengthens the bond between parent and child.

Teachers say they can tell which kids have parents who read to them. These youngsters do better with reading and with language.

Vocabulary skills improve because children hear different words from those commonly spoken at home and on the playground. Think Dr. Seuss. Kids love to roll silly-sounding words around on their tongues. Youngsters figure out the meanings of occasional big words and comprehension improves. Their storehouse of language enlarges, as well as understanding and ease with words.

Once kids learn to read on their own, parents are off the hook, right? Wrong.

What better way for children to get better at reading than to read aloud to Mommy or Daddy? You may agonize as you listen to your darling read s-l-o-w-l-y. Hang in there. Consider it part of the package. You're fostering an essential skill that will help your children, throughout school and all of life. When an individual cannot read, that person faces a handicap in every area of life.

Begin early and visit your public library often. Attend preschool story-times. Help your kids pick out story books geared to their ages. Branch out beyond Disney and Big Bird. If you don't, little ones stay fixed on images already seen and heard onscreen, rather than imagining their own. (Don't we adults do the same?)

Once your kids can read, let them choose their own books. Allow a lot of freedom, but scan their choices before check out. Once in a rare while you may spot a book that makes you uncomfortable. Before you yank the book, find a quiet corner and talk about your reservations. If the summer doldrums afflict your children, be sure not to miss summer reading programs and contests–or set up your own.

Expose your youngsters to the daily newspaper, too. Read a few selected comics to them, letting them see the drawings that accompany what you read. Soon they'll be hunting down those comic strips on their own. Whet their appetite for news stories by reading aloud amusing incidents that get reported.

All of this helps your kids develop a curiosity and an awareness about the world they live in. Now and then they'll ask you to explain some term that's foreign to them. Be glad. You'll gain insights into their thinking. Ask whether they agree or disagree with what they just read. Listen patiently as they try to express themselves. Within the safe family setting children practice how to think and to state their opinions reasonably.

Will this introduce them to subjects they might be over their heads? Sometimes. Usually they'll pass over such things. If they question, use the opening to discuss and help them lay down a solid foundation for how they see life. They'll need that more with every passing year.

Most of all, let your children see you reading and enjoying it. Talk about what you are reading. As always, what they see you do outweighs what you tell them to do.

Count on it.

God bless,

Lenore

Question for you: How do you (or did you) encourage your child to read?

Why reading to–and with–your children bears good fruit

June 30, 2009
This feels like a season of milestones, doesn't it? One school year ends, and kids move up a grade. Young people put on caps and gowns and march solemnly, stepping in time to (what else?) "Pomp & Circumstance."

Life is full of milestones, although often we don't recognize them at the time.

Last night we did. My husband and I proudly watched one of our grandsons graduate from high school. On a beautiful June evening we sat in a stadium packed with joyful parents and exuberant family members and friends. Judging from the noise levels, excitement reigned. The general attitude seemed to be, "We/They made it!"

Twelve years of education and hard work lie behind these high school graduates. Twelve years of Mom and Dad doing what moms and dads do, keeping an eye on things, loving their child, holding it all together.

Watching that crowd of bright, talented young people brought a lump to my throat. The future stretches before them, filled with promise and opportunity they can't foresee.

Graduations, however, always feel a touch bittersweet. As one of last night's speakers put it, "Now our years together come to an end."

Yet the flip side of this "ending" also is a beginning.

What we call an ending often ushers in the beginning of something not yet seen and more wonderful than we can imagine.

I'm newly aware of that right now. I recently spent time with an old friend who's in Hospice care. Following surgery and treatment for a malignant brain tumor, she's unable to speak more than two or three words. Her eyes and her typically beautiful smile, however, speak volumes, so she still communicates.

When I think of her and her husband, who has adored her since she was a teenager, I ache with sadness for them. Not so long ago their future stretched ahead of them and they dreamed wonderful dreams together. Now they can only look into each other's eyes and hold each other's hands every chance they get, hungry to hang on, yearning to freeze time and capture the moment.

Yet peace shines from their eyes and radiates from their body language.

Before them lies an ending, you say. Not really, not for these two. They both believe in Jesus and have built their marriage and raised their children in Him. So they know they'll be together again. They believe one's last breath on earth is one's first breath in Heaven.

One day my friend will "graduate" from earth. Before her will stretch a beautiful world the rest of us can't see…yet.

We'll call it an "ending," but for her, it will be just the beginning. She'll be "movin' on up!" for real.

And we will rejoice through our tears, just as we did at that graduation last night.

Blessings,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed!

Of endings…and beginnings

June 10, 2009