Category: Anger

  • “I will never forgive that man!”

    I stared at the red-faced man pounding the table. Always before, “Henry” struck me as a quiet, gentle man. Now the veins on his forehead bulged with emotion as he poured out his sad story.

    Some years before, he and his wife, “Louella,” invested most of their retirement savings with a trusted business acquaintance who “let them in” on what he promised would bring a great return on their investment .

    A few months and a lot of excuses later, the swindler skipped town. The shattered couple hired lawyers who tried for two years to bring the man to justice. Finally their attorneys told them it was hopeless. Henry and Louella ended up paying all court costs.

    With only a few years left before his retirement, Henry could not begin to make up their financial loss and Louella’s disability made it impossible for her to hold a job.

    Besides, in that small town, jobs were scarce.

    Their retirement dreams and plans had to be set aside 

    I had known this dear Christian couple for a year or so but had no inkling of this. All I could do now was tell him how sorry I was. After awhile I softly brought up Jesus’ call to forgive our enemies.

    Henry was having none of it. Once again he turned beet red and said, “No! It almost kills me that Louella and I have to live the way we do. That scoundrel stole the future we scrimped and saved for. People tell me I need to let it go, but I refuse to forgive him!”

    Then he got up and stomped away from the table. Clearly, the con man took their money, but Henry’s continuing enmity robbed these two of something much more valuable than dollars and cents.

    Their peace.

    The cost of maintaining a heart of stone

    Later that day I remembered the first time I glimpsed the fallout from unresolved anger. I was a high school freshman when my family moved to a new area and a new church. 

    One of the first things we observed was how every Sunday the same two families sat in the two front pews, one on the left and the other on the right. After the last hymn and the pastor’s benediction, both families marched out single file, each one staring straight ahead, never nodding or smiling to each other. 

    When I became good friends with one of the daughters I learned to know and love her parents, especially her smiling, always-had-a-joke-for-me father. But I sensed this was The Subject We Must Not Talk About.

    Over time the gist of the story came together. Each brother lived with his wife and children on farms along the same country road. One mile apart. Ten years or so earlier, for whatever reason, these two brothers had a falling-out. Apparently they had not spoken to each other since then. Neither had their family members.

    We also learned of the unspoken rule in that community: Invite only one brother (or his family members) to any birthday party or the like. A couple of times the hosts risked inviting both, but not telling either one beforehand. That never worked out well. Hardly anyone talked to anyone and the sense of celebration soon fizzled out. 

    You may wonder whether anyone tried to speak Bible truth and healing to these two. I know the answer is yes, but each brother answered, “No!”

    Their families, whatever they thought individually, were caught in the middle.

    The only balm for the pain

    I’ve always loved this quote by Lewis B. Smedes:

    “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

    All the individuals I described earlier went to church and heard clear Bible teaching every Sunday, but they lived as prisoners. They didn’t have to. Even in situations where the other person will not budge, the one who feels wronged can be free. It starts by giving all that pain to Jesus–then leaving it there. 

    Sometimes the hurt and heaviness remains , even when we’ve prayed. That signals we need to take the next step: Deliberately decide to let it go.(Repeat as often as necessary.)

    We may have every right to feel wronged, but to forgive means we give up that right. (I do not for one moment mean to imply that is easy to do!)

    Unless we relinquish “our rights,” even saying, “I forgive you,” will be meaningless.

    Healing that lasts

    Real healing, lasting healing, comes only through the work of Christ’s Spirit. Sometimes it takes awhile to get to the place of feeling free.

    Remember the message of Easter? 

    (Jesus said) “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”    –John 8:36

    “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”     –John 14:27

    Jesus took all our pain to the cross. We still live on earth and we’re still flawed human beings. But we are not alone. He walks with us through each day and our every question finds its deepest answer in Him.
     
    Dear reader, I wish you abiding peace in Jesus, every day of the year!
    Lovingly,
    Lenore

     

    Anger can poison a life. For life.

    Anger can poison a life. For life.

  • Most of us have said it at some time: “He/she makes me so mad!” 

    We’re not hotheads, you and I, but you know how it goes. “Some people” just won’t cooperate.

    Won’t face the truth.

    Won’t see it our way.

    What then? It can feel good to spew forth a stream of complaints and reasons why we are right. We tell ourselves we’re vindicated and pat ourselves on the back for being strong.

    That lasts a few delicious moments. 

    But . . .  

    Angry, careless words can be costly, especially in a marriage. They quickly poison the atmosphere between husband and wife. 

    Divide families.

    End friendships.

    Put up walls between people that can stay in place for generations. 

    So what do we do?

    This is the time to swallow hard and take our own advice, like the logic we repeat to our children and younger friends. Who hasn’t said something like:  “Nobody else makes you mad. You choose it. Any time you get mad, she (or he) wins.”

    That’s true, but it’s hard to stay unruffled when someone–of any age–is pushing our buttons. Some of us learned this truth the hard way and know when we “lose it,” we shrink our personal power.  

    Every healthy relationship thrives on give-and-take and mutual respect, which allows each one to hang onto their self-esteem. 

    Verbal attacks usually feel satisfying in the moment–and may even be well-justified, but in the end, they tarnish and tear down.

    Well, nobody’s perfect

    Yes, but any of us can up our score if we’re willing to seek help. Professional counselors are available in every community, but often what makes us hesitate is wondering whom we can trust.  

    Talk to your pastor first. They’re good listeners and many are good counselors. They also can offer names of trusted professional counselors. That’s preferable to simply picking a name from Internet listings and profiles.

    Always, the wisdom of Scripture provides a solid base. Take Proverbs 15:1, for example:

    A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 

    For years I considered that to be a bit wimpy, a lot like “put up and shut up.” 

    I know now that responding with gentleness to another person’s anger takes a lot of inner strength, the exact opposite of weakness. 

    We live in the world and people notice what we do and say

    Living out that principle should be easiest with people we know best and love most, but sometimes home is where we most often “get on each other’s nerves”.

    Yet home is the proving ground and it determines whether we’re genuine. Our words need to match our deeds or our words don’t ring true. Even when we’re angry we are to treat others with respect. 

    Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.    1 John 3:18

    How do we hang onto our power? Jesus told his followers how in Luke 6:31:  

    “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”   

    The Better Way

    Don’t get me wrong. We’re human beings, after all, which ensures we will stumble and slip even in a strong friendship or a happy marriage. Despite our good intentions, sometimes we’ll still feel that urge to let ‘er rip.  

    Always, the best strategy is to: 

    • Remind ourselves of the other person’s good qualities
    • Remember the good times and talk about them
    • Pray for healing

    Like a broken bone that mends, your relationship can come through stronger than before.     

    Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  Ephesians 4:32

    Differences can be a plus  

    Perhaps a wife and husband come to realize they are opposites. Then what?  

    First, last and always, talk things through, even though it’s hard. Some counselors advise couples to hold hands and look each other in the eye while you hash it out. Be honest, but be kind. No name-calling.  

    Would you be surprised to know that over time, many couples find that each one comes to appreciate qualities in the other that once irritated them? 

    Put another way, two “opposites” can complement each other. As one wise advisor worded it, the two fill in each other’s missing places. Together such a couple becomes “more” than either spouse could be on their own.

    Be patient, remembering this can’t be an overnight fix. Give it time as you learn to know each other–and yourself–better and trust each other more.

    Power comes from knowing who we are and having ourselves under control

    That flies contrary to today’s opinions, doesn’t it? Think about those you know whom you consider “powerful”. Aren’t those qualities on display?

    When that’s our customary temperament and behavior we can be described as “self-possessed”. Merriam-Webster.com defines that term this way:  “control of one’s emotions or reactions especially when under stress”

    That sums it up, don’t you think? 

    For me as a Christian, the wisest words on how to live–in every situation–always can be found in what Jesus said in Matthew 7:12 and again in Luke 6:31:

    “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

    Wishing you JOY in your day-to-day,

    Lenore

     

    Hang on to your personal power!

  • Right this minute there are big issues issues at stake in our Nation. 

    If you've read this blog for awhile you know I haven't waded in the murky waters of politics. I do so only because vital issues are getting lost in all the blather.


    Blog. Praying hands. Bible. 10.12One involves both our faith as Christians and our rights as citizens under The Constitution of the United States.  George Washington said, " . . . its only keepers, the people."

    That's you and me, my friend. We are the keepers of our Constitution.

    Are we paying attention?

    One major issue relates to the often-referenced First Amendment

    Amendment I was ratified December 15, 1791. Here's what it says:

    "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise therof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

    From the beginning word spread all over the world about America's Constitution and the rights it guarantees. That's why America shone like a beacon of freedom to my great-grandparents who wanted to worship God according to their understanding of what the Bible teaches and without government interference. In America they could live by faith without fear.

    That's always been true. Until now.

    Enter the new health care law, which mandates what employers must cover   

    Take Tyndale House Publishers and Hobby Lobby as examples. Since a Christian couple founded Tyndale House 50 years ago this firm has only published Bibles and Christian books. Their son, Mark D. Taylor, is the current president. Tyndale's 260 employees currently are covered by their employee health plan. Taylor, a Protestant, has no moral objection to contraceptives per se. However, as a Christian he believes it's against what the Bible teaches to provide Plan B (the morning-after pill), Ella (the week-after pill) and intrauterine devices to covered employees.

    Our Government says he must. The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has ruled that health insurance plans must provide such contraceptives free of charge. Tyndale House is a for-profit entity. Therefore, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius says this Company does not qualify as a "religious organization" and therefore, is not eligible for an exemption.

    (Tayor notes that even exemptions granted to nonprofit entities such as the Roman Catholic Church will expire after one year.)

    Fines for failure to comply will cost Tyndale as much as $100 per day, per employee. That equals $26,000 per day. $780,000 per month. $9.36 million per year.

    Tyndale management's only "crime" is wanting to freely exercise their faith without Government interference. They believe the federal government is telling them they must either violate their own conscience or pay fines that will put them out of business.

    It doesn't stop there

    Hobby Lobby was founded 40 years ago by a family working out of their garage on a $600 bank loan. The children, now adults, are involved in the business, which now has stores in more than 500 locations in 41 states. They believe it is by God's grace that Hobby Lobby has endured and aim to honor God and to treat their employees well with above-average pay and many benefits. They provide an employee health plan, but consider Plan B, Ella and intrauterine devices to be abortifacients. 

    Hobby Lobby gives half its pre-tax earnings directly to a portfolio of evangelical ministries. It has  given away and distributed over 1.4 billion copies of Gospel literature mostly in Asia and Africa. It sponsors the YouVersion Bible app for mobile phones, which has been downloaded more than 50 million times. Yet this is a secular, for-profit company.

    These business owners, too, believe requirements of Obamacare go against the Biblical principles on which their company was founded. Hobby Lobby's non-compliance fines could total $1.3 million per day.

    So Hobby Lobby reluctantly sued the Government in Oklahoma City Federal courts. Their lawyer cited their "deeply held religious beliefs" as individuals and business owners who seek an injunction to block enforcement of the new health care law. 

    In a piece dated October 24, 2012, The Washington Post, reported the U.S. government was urging the federal judge hearing the case to deny the request to block enforcement of the new health care law.

    The dilemma for employers is obvious. They either go against their faith and keep employee health plans in place or follow their conscience and go out of business.

    They either obey their understanding of what God says or what the Government says.

    Look behind the smoke screen and the endless blather on TV

    Numerous interviews and articles trumpet the same endless discussions about "women's reproductive rights," "contraceptive freedom," "bigots who want to ban birth control," etc. 

    This is not the issue.

    For the record, I am not against contraception. Opinions vary about the morning-after (up to three days after) pill and the week-after pill, which induce a woman's uterus to slough off an implanted fertilized egg. Those of us who believe life begins at the moment of conception view these meds as abortifacients. Intrauterine devices are devices placed in the uterus by a physician that in various ways interfere with a fertilized egg being implanted on the wall of the uterus. 

    It seems to me there are three questions:

    • In cases such as Tyndale House and Hobby Lobby, is our Government "prohibiting the free exercise" of the owners' religion as they understand it?
    • As individuals of faith, what do we hold to be true?
    • If provisions of this tax-supported new health care plan violate our personal religious views, will we vote for candidates who back it?
    • Will we speak well of business owners who abide by faith? Will we support them with our words and give them our business?

    Some words to think about  

    "The LORD gave me this message: 'I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb.'"  –Jeremiah 1: 4  (NLT)

    For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, and I know that full well.   –Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)

    But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.   –Joshua 24:15b  (NIV)

    My reader friends, let's be sure to thoughtfully, prayerfully exercise our rights as American citizens and VOTE!

    Praying along with you,

    Lenore

     

    When living by faith becomes a crime, what are we to do?