“I will never forgive that man!”
I stared at the red-faced man pounding the table. Always before, “Henry” struck me as a quiet, gentle man. Now the veins on his forehead bulged with emotion as he poured out his sad story.
Some years before, he and his wife, “Louella,” invested most of their retirement savings with a trusted business acquaintance who “let them in” on what he promised would bring a great return on their investment .
A few months and a lot of excuses later, the swindler skipped town. The shattered couple hired lawyers who tried for two years to bring the man to justice. Finally their attorneys told them it was hopeless. Henry and Louella ended up paying all court costs.
With only a few years left before his retirement, Henry could not begin to make up their financial loss and Louella’s disability made it impossible for her to hold a job.
Besides, in that small town, jobs were scarce.
Their retirement dreams and plans had to be set aside
I had known this dear Christian couple for a year or so but had no inkling of this. All I could do now was tell him how sorry I was. After awhile I softly brought up Jesus’ call to forgive our enemies.
Henry was having none of it. Once again he turned beet red and said, “No! It almost kills me that Louella and I have to live the way we do. That scoundrel stole the future we scrimped and saved for. People tell me I need to let it go, but I refuse to forgive him!”
Then he got up and stomped away from the table. Clearly, the con man took their money, but Henry’s continuing enmity robbed these two of something much more valuable than dollars and cents.
Their peace.
The cost of maintaining a heart of stone
Later that day I remembered the first time I glimpsed the fallout from unresolved anger. I was a high school freshman when my family moved to a new area and a new church.
One of the first things we observed was how every Sunday the same two families sat in the two front pews, one on the left and the other on the right. After the last hymn and the pastor’s benediction, both families marched out single file, each one staring straight ahead, never nodding or smiling to each other.
When I became good friends with one of the daughters I learned to know and love her parents, especially her smiling, always-had-a-joke-for-me father. But I sensed this was The Subject We Must Not Talk About.
Over time the gist of the story came together. Each brother lived with his wife and children on farms along the same country road. One mile apart. Ten years or so earlier, for whatever reason, these two brothers had a falling-out. Apparently they had not spoken to each other since then. Neither had their family members.
We also learned of the unspoken rule in that community: Invite only one brother (or his family members) to any birthday party or the like. A couple of times the hosts risked inviting both, but not telling either one beforehand. That never worked out well. Hardly anyone talked to anyone and the sense of celebration soon fizzled out.
You may wonder whether anyone tried to speak Bible truth and healing to these two. I know the answer is yes, but each brother answered, “No!”
Their families, whatever they thought individually, were caught in the middle.
The only balm for the pain
I’ve always loved this quote by Lewis B. Smedes:
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
All the individuals I described earlier went to church and heard clear Bible teaching every Sunday, but they lived as prisoners. They didn’t have to. Even in situations where the other person will not budge, the one who feels wronged can be free. It starts by giving all that pain to Jesus–then leaving it there.
Sometimes the hurt and heaviness remains , even when we’ve prayed. That signals we need to take the next step: Deliberately decide to let it go.(Repeat as often as necessary.)
We may have every right to feel wronged, but to forgive means we give up that right. (I do not for one moment mean to imply that is easy to do!)
Unless we relinquish “our rights,” even saying, “I forgive you,” will be meaningless.
Healing that lasts
Real healing, lasting healing, comes only through the work of Christ’s Spirit. Sometimes it takes awhile to get to the place of feeling free.
Remember the message of Easter?
(Jesus said) “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” –John 8:36
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” –John 14:27
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