Category: Authenticity

  • News flash: Someone is watching you every minute of every day, someone who means no harm.

    Watching me? Me? Blog. Two women talking. 1.16

    Yes, you.

    Every minute of every day?

    Yep. Every minute. Every day.

    Hey, I’m just an ordinary person. Why would anyone pay attention to me?

    Trust me, they do.

    Like where?

    Anywhere you go. On the job. In school. In your neighborhood. At home, because your children are watching you, from their earliest years on into adulthood–and beyond.

    Now I know you’re putting me on. My children ignore me!

    Oh no they don’t. They watch your every move and hear every word you speak.

    I think that’s a crazy idea.

    Think whatever you like. It’s true. Even kids who never seem to pay attention keep their eyes on you. They listen, too. Especially when you don’t want them to hear you.

    Okay, if that’s true, why are they tracking me?

    Because they want to pick up clues on how to live and how to treat other people.

    Give me a for instance.

    All right. Let’s start with these

    1. Remember last week, when that clerk didn’t get your order quite right and you were ticked off? You lost your temper with her, loud and clear.

            Did you notice the expression on your son’s face?

    2. Or take last Thursday. You just sat down with a cup of coffee and your favorite magazine when Annie called. She goes on forever, so you told her you were sorry but you were just out the door for an appointment. Your daughter looked at you and rolled her eyes.

    You fooled Annie, but not your daughter.

    3. Then there was the time you bought yourself a pair of shoes you didn’t really need and couldn’t afford while on a school shopping trip with your kids. You told them, “Let’s not say anything to Dad about Mommy’s new shoes because he’s not interested in girl stuff. Okay? And does anybody want ice cream?”

    Remember how you couldn’t look your kids–or your husband–in the eye that night?

    Well, yeah, but it’s no big deal. Everybody does it.

    Really?

    Maybe not everybody, but I’m a really good person. Ask anyone.

    What kind of people do you want your children to be? 

    Oh, I talk about that all the time. I tell them to treat other people with kindness and to tell the truth. And how they should always be up-front with us and with everyone else.

    I’ve said over and over that telling the truth is important, because we need to be able to trust them.

    Did you ever realize there’s more than one way to “tell” and teach? Albert Einstein expressed it this way: “Example isn’t another way to teach, it is the only way to teach.”

    Moms and dads do lots of talking and we know our children tune us out.

    But they never tune out what we do.

    “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” 

    That one-liner came from Ralph Waldo Emerson way back in 1875–and it still sums up a great truth that applies to every one of us. At any stage of life.

    The watchers all around us will keep watching–and comparing what we say we believe to what they see us doing. As much as we may bristle at the very idea of people watching us, it’s just as true that these observers help us stay on track with being authentic.

    Words are easy. Living them out is a day-to-day challenge. 

    Does all this sound too hard? Any time it does, fall back on this Bible verse and remember that if we trust in Jesus as our Savior, HE will enable us to keep going.

    I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.  –Philippians 4:13  NKJV

    All we have to do is start where we are, thanking God for our “helpers”. They help us stay on track to grow more and more into the persons we’ve always wanted to be.

    Still learning, too,

    Lenore 

    Your Audience Is Watching!

  • Like it or not, you and I live our lives onstage, every bit as much as any public figure or show biz performer. 

     

    You might laugh at that, but think about it. Even if we live alone, we interact with other people, whether by phone or text or email. Our words and our tone create a mental image for the receiver. 

     

    Blog. Mother. checkout clerk. 2.14Or the casual observer. Like me, the day I waited to check out in a big box store behind a woman and her daughter, perhaps age eight or nine. The girl waited patiently while her mother wrote a check.

     

    As the mom picked up her bag she paused and said to the checker. "Wait a minute. I bought five things, but I think you only charged me for four. Would you please look over my bill and find what I owe you?"

    The twentyish clerk glanced over the shoppers behind me and replied, "But, Ma'am, you already wrote out your check. You'd have to tear it up and we'd have to start over. I really think you paid for all five."

    I couldn't help noticing their faded but clean clothing. Nevertheless, this woman held her head up, and fixed her attention on the checker and calmly refused the offer. "I can't take something home if I haven't paid for it. Please figure out which one got missed, and I'll pay cash for that one item."

    People behind me had stopped talking. I guessed they were watching, too. The clerk sighed, then compared price tags and the cash register receipt. Finally she said, "It's the most expensive one: $12.99." 

    The mom said, "Okay," and dug around in her well-worn purse for some wrinkled bills and a handful of coins, all the while explaining to her daughter what was going on. Soon the two were on their way out of the store.

    Judging by the clerk's look of disbelief I suspect she later recounted this exchange to others. No doubt at least a few onlookers did, too. 

    That shopper so easily could have taken the freebie and run

    This mom judged something more important than dollars and cents and her quiet firmness communicated a lot about her. She won't need to lecture her daughter about honesty. She lived it out as her daughter watched and listened, probably not for the first time. She also set an example for those of us who were waiting our turn.

    Isn't that the best kind of parenting–and teaching? 

    Later I thought of an Albert Einstein quote I heard years earlier and never forgot: 

     

    "Example isn't another way to teach,

    it is the only way to teach."

    We are not who we say we are. We are what we live

    One thing is sure. That woman gifted her daughter with a lesson about honesty she likely won't forget. 

    Words always matter, but actions count even more. Ask any parent, children keep track of every disconnect between what their parents (and those in authority) say and what they do. Even as adults.   

    Who we are and what we do carries more weight than our words spoken to them. Every time.    

    Nobody's perfect

    Not even that mom in the big box store, nor any human being. Life can be hard, no doubt about it. After awhile we can feel overwhelmed and hope evaporates.

    Christians believe help is available at any time. Jesus used an everyday illustration to explain to his followers they were "grafted" into him by faith, so they could draw on his strength within them. 

    (Jesus said) "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."               John 15:5 NIV

    God's promises for his people run through all through the Bible.

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.          Isaiah 41:10

    I know nothing about that mom in the big box store except what I witnessed that day, but I admire her. Her quiet confidence seemed to illustrate that her actions that day were nothing out of the ordinary for her. She was authentic.

    Isn't that what we all long for in the people around us? 

    Let's resolve to be authentic, to make sure our words and our actions are in harmony. After all, we never know who might be watching or listening in our own family or circle of friends.

    Or even some stranger behind us in the checkout line.

    Growing, too,

    Lenore

    Your Audience Is Watching