Category: Living fully

  • We've all been there, in one of those times when our life feels as flat as a soda that's lost its fizz.

    The dark mood hangs on, even though nothing in our lives has changed. Our "glass" is as full today as it was yesterday. Last week. Last month.

    Yet we Blog. Glass half empty. 11.11see emptiness, not fullness.

    That's because we call it as we see it at the moment, not as it is.

    It's not helpful that we may do that with our family members and friends, too. We become blind to their good points and see only their faults.

    We look at our lives and say, "Well, nobody's life is perfect, but …"

    Then that little voice inside asks, Couldn't my life be a bit, um, more? Couldn't that other person change just a little bit? If only ….

    Trust me, it's risky to hang around too long in the land of "If only."

    I know a woman, let's call her Ginny, and I doubt she ever goes there. She has a pile of problems, but you'd never guess. Ask her how she's doing and she usually replies, "Great! If my life got any better, I couldn't stand it!"

    Ask her to elaborate and she'll say, "Well, I am breathing in and out–and that's a good thing. My arms and legs get me around, no help needed, and my mind works just fine. So do my eyes, even if I do need Coke-bottle eyeglasses to see well. I have a roof over my head and I eat regularly. I'm part of a church family, where we love the Lord and we love each other. Best of all, I know Jesus loves me and watches over me, so I see myself as rich." 

    It took me awhile to understand that every time Ginny repeats all the reasons she has to be thankful it reinforces in her mind that she is blessed and it shifts her thinking to what's good and right and true.

    Does that sounds too simple? Most great truths are.

    What if you and I counted our blessings not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year?

    Suppose we gave up harping on what's wrong and bemoaning what's missing and deliberately focused on what is good. Saying it out loud helps, too, even if there's no one else around.

    Picture starting each day with, "Thank you, Lord, for this day and for every blessing in my life. Thank you for promising to be with me every minute. Guide me and use me, I pray, and get me through this day."

    Think how that simple change could improve our marriages, our family relationships and our friendships.

    Researchers say don't stop there

    Don't take my word for it. A Texas Tech University study proved the value of counting our blessings and then counting them again. They divided study participants into two groups with similar life situations. 

    This turned out to be a genius way to prove that even such a simple practice made a huge difference. The folks who frequently and deliberately took time to re-appreciate the good in their lives scored themselves as happier than those who didn't.

    Researchers concluded that counting our blessings–over and over–reminds us of their value and helps us stay contented.

    As the song says,

    "Count your blessings, name them one by one . . .

    "And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

    Our perception of life depends on where we look.

    Most of all it helps if we take our eyes off the gifts and focus on the Giver. He is the real source of life in our life.

    Here are some verses to help us get us started.

    The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  Psalm 28:7

    So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness.                                         Colossians 2:6-7

    Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.     1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

    Why not give it a try? 

    This Thanksgiving and every day may you have blessings too numerous to count–and may you have eyes to see them!

    Wishing you joy,

    Lenore

    Put some life back in your life

  • Sometimes a slight twist of our perspective leads to major changes.

    Blog. Couple looking at water. 8.16That happened to my husband and me the week our entire family went to summer camp on the shore of Lake Michigan.

    At the time we lived on and operated a dairy and grain farm, with all the constant responsibility that implies, plus we had four lively children.

    Between cows and crops and kids, both of us were running on fumes by July and needed a break.

    Needed time.

    Needed to find each other again.

    Then we heard of a long-established, well-respected Christian family camp. We could drive there from our Illinois farm.

    And, oh bliss! Every day would offer age-appropriate programs and daytime activities for kids and teens, all supervised by well-screened youth counselors and leaders.   

     No cooking. No cleaning. No kids during most of the day, with family free time in the evenings. What's not to like?

    Heaven on earth, here we come!

    We arrived on a Sunday afternoon 

    Next morning we escorted our four girls to their age-appropriate activities, signed them in and walked away. They would be safe and have fun for the next 5 or 6 hours. Yippee!

    That first day we two decided to "try out" the adult Bible study led by a pastor from the Northwest.    

    He started off with something like this. "Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Let's think this through. Who is my closest neighbor?"   

    Silence for a moment. 

    Then he hooked us with these words. "Answer: Our families. Nobody is a closer neighbor than the people we live with and share a life with. Nobody more deserves to be treated kindly and considerately.

    "After all, they're the ones who every day have to deal with us. Us, with our individual quirks and habits." (Laughter.)

    Then he launched into lively personal examples. As always, I took notes. 

    His first illustration made me squirm 

    "Every morning when I'm ready to eat breakfast with my wife, I never know what to expect. Most of the time she's a sweetheart. But sometimes, blame it on PMS, or a dreary day or whatever, she sighs a lot, slams cupboard doors and bangs the dishes around. At our house, that's not a good sign."

    (I didn't look at my husband and was glad he didn't give me the elbow.)

    "So every morning I have a choice. Will I give back what she is giving out? Or will I, even on those mornings, remember that my call as a Christian is to love her? 

    "To love her even when I know I'm in for another tough day at work. Even if I'm not sure whether we can cover all the bills this month.  

    "My first call as a Christian husband is to love my wife. Period. And a Christian wife has the same call toward her husband."

    You could have heard a pin drop in that packed auditorium 

    His simple words shot down every excuse and self-justification I could think of. 

    "You may wonder if this principle also applies to us as Christian parents," he said. "In one word: Yes.

    "Parenting is hard!" (Applause all around the room.) "For those raising children on their own it's even harder, yet the challenge remains the same: To live out love unconditionally as best they can.  

    "My three children often charm me, irritate me, baffle me, embarrass me, disappoint me, bring me to tears. But it doesn't matter. That's all part of rearing these gifts of God. 

    "As their dad, my call is to keep on loving them through it all." 

    Each day our teacher opened his heart and helped us look deeper into living out our Christian faith and pointed out the many places the Bible says the Holy Spirit is our Helper.

    His words were water on our dry, dusty hearts

    Our wilted spirits slowly revived and bloomed again. The invisible distance between us melted and our usual oneness returned.

    Did my husband and I immediately morph into ideal spouses who never again got impatient with each other? Not likely.

    But we gained new understanding and turned a corner in our thinking. The last afternoon we promised each other we would do our best to live out love every day. 

    And over the years, we did, sometimes slipping and sliding along the way but hanging on.

    Jesus knew we would find this a challenge    

    He tells us to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

    "AS yourself."

    That's the "ouch factor" in those words, isn't it? The one that sets us coming up with "Yeah, buts."

    It gets easier when we remember what that study leader at Camp stressed over and over:

    "Love" is more than an emotion. To live out love means to do what's loving–and this we control.   

    That surprised me then and it still does

    Looking at love this way means we needn't first try to dredge up emotion from within ourselves. We don't have to feel loving to demonstrate love. To act in loving ways.

    When we simply do what love calls for it's not long before our feelings match our actions.  

    But that's the point, isn't it? When Jesus told us to love he did not mean to love when we're in the mood and the rest of the time, forget it.

    Let's keep the order straight

    Jesus sums it up in Mark 12:30-31:  

    Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.   

    After this comes:  

    The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.   

    We love because he [Jesus] first loved us.   1 John 4:19  NIV

    Along the way, let's be kind to ourselves, too. Sometimes we will fail and need to start over, simply because we're human beings. That's a good time to remind ourselves of this truth: 

    But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.   Romans 5:8  ESV

    Our forgiveness in Christ means we are not condemned when we fall short of loving unconditionally. Instead, we are free to start over and go on, living our faith and growing stronger.

    Best of all, we're not left on our own

    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.   Romans 15:13   ESV

    Let us rejoice and be glad!   

    Lenore   

    A fresh take on “Love your neighbor”

  • Perhaps the better question is, "How are you treating life?"

    That is, what label do we paste on our days?

    Blog. pensive%20woman%20resized. 7.23.10We seldom realize that's what we're doing, but it's true–and it becomes a habit.

    A bad habit, because it gets easier and easier to fixate on what's "wrong" and subsequently miss what's right. (Or am I the only one who ever does that?)

    This colors how we look at everything, maybe most of all, the people in our lives.

    Finding fault and complaining starts early. Think how siblings squabble and wail, "It's my turn." 

    Nobody has to teach kids that annoying practice. Isn't it odd how that kind of attitude seems to lurk within each of us? 

    The angst of the younger generation ramps up in the teenage years, with endless complaints to parents: "You always …" or "You never … "

    During those years children and teens could not fathom the internal struggles a mother or father feels. All along they live with uncertainty, nobody ever certain they are "doing it right."

    Labeling saves time

    Think about it. Once we label a person we don't have to think. We just plug in what we always "knew" about them–or thought we did.

    Those old impressions lodge in our minds and too often we won't let go. It's more comfortable to hang onto old thinking than to take a fresh look. At ourselves.

    This same pitfall dogs married couples. The person we fell in love with and married turns out to have a few faults. Yet that's the one who stays and keeps on loving us through all the highs and lows, the good times and the hard times–which happen to everyone, by the way.

    Even those we judge to "have it all together."

    Cause for celebration  

    If we're honest, at times any one of us is not that easy to live with–even in a strong marriage. True?

    But do we celebrate? Nope. More often we nag and nit-pick about small habits that bug us. We whine that we don't feel appreciated for who we are and how much we give and we are the ones who deserve to be celebrated. 

    (How do I know this? Do you need to ask?)

    We may exhibit selective sight with our adult children, as well. We focus on all the ways they need to change but remain blind to their strengths and good points. As for praise, forget about it, because we know they could do better. 

    Often our Inner Critic carries that over into all of life  

    We pick out things we wish were different and easily ignore what's good. We look "over there" for happiness and forget to look at what and who is right there in front of us.

    Most of all we forget to look within ourselves.

    Too often I would have to plead guilty. How about you?

    But hey, old habits are hard to break. Right?

    Time for a change

    I've never forgotten one sermon that jolted me out of that rut.

    Our pastor had the ushers hand out index cards and told us that he had found a short formula to be helpful in his life because it opened the eyes of his heart. That Sunday he decided to pass it on to us.

    He suggested an experiment. Starting that day each of us was to promise ourselves to make this our personal practice. No questions would be asked. No reports of progress or lack thereof. This was to be personal.

    His "formula" stuck in my memory because it's uncomplicated and short. I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror as a reminder.

    Did it bless my life? Yes it did, although I confess sometimes I slipped up often and some days didn't remember to try. 

    Here's the simple formula:

    1.  Leave the past at the cross of Jesus Christ, once and for all.

    2.  See the good.

    3.  Speak the good.

    4. Ask God to develop this attitude within me.

    U-turn required

    Whatever the date and time or stage of life we're in right now, it's worth giving it a fair trial, don't you think? 

    According to the news and the "experts" it sounds as if everything is up for grabs. Some of us feel we're floundering and just hanging on from day to day.

    This simple formula sorts out what matters most in making a good life. It reveals the emptiness of the flotsam we're flooded with every day, on every side. It reminds us to stay on track by fixing our attention on what we as individuals can control.

    This list serves us in the same way a level serves a carpenter: It helps us stay balanced, today and in the future.

    You and I cannot change the world, but we change our world

    Living by that pastor's formula takes us a long way toward that goal.

    For specifics, many people hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an example of how we should live. I believe most of those principles apply to both sexes in a general way. 

    If the criteria in that chapter sound too daunting, focus on verse 26 for starters. 

    She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

    Doesn't that make a worthy checklist for both women and men?  

    It's not hard to see how speaking kindness and appreciation would add life and light to our lives–and the lives of our spouse, our children and the people around us. This is doable for any of us. 

    Whatever our age or life situation, one truth applies to every one of us: 

    God gives us life. It's up to us how we live it.

    Here's to being good learners,

    Lenore

    A question only you can answer: How is Life Treating You?

  • If you sometimes feel lonely in a group of people, I'm right there with you.

    Blog. Lonely girl. 1.22During my growing-up years our family moved several times so I often was "the new kid" at school–and I hated it. Since my favorite things to do were reading a book or singing a song I didn't exactly attract a crowd of new friends.

    Every single time I ached to fit in, to be noticed, to be known–and liked–just because I was me. If you're thinking that was all in my mind, you could be right. Still, I remember the sadness of so often feeling on the outside looking in. 

    It's been said that every human being wears an invisible sign that reads, "Please love me."

    Isn't that what we all want?

    Feeling accepted goes beyond winning a prize or promotion and speaks to our value as human beings–individuals worth knowing just because we're us.   

    Yet many of us feel no more distinctive than one fir tree in a thick forest of look-alike fir trees. If we took the time and studied that evergreen more closely we would discover that tree is unique in some way.

    So are we.

    Why do we so easily forget that?

    God made us one-of-a-kind for a reason

    Our individual temperaments and personalities, our natural talents and abilities distinctively flavor our family, our church, our school, our workplace, our community.

    Perhaps we think what we add is insignificant, but it's not. Imagine trying to make a pumpkin pie without that "insignificant" quarter-teaspoon of cloves.

    It's as if you are cloves, she is nutmeg and I am cinnamon. Leave out any one of those and your pumpkin pie will still be edible and might even look the same. But it won't taste the same.

    That's how it is in families, in a church, in any gathering of old friends or on the job. Something is missing when this one or that one isn't present.

    You and I may never be able to identify which "spice" we sprinkle into the mix. But if we tell ourselves, "Well, I'm nothing special," we deny the obvious.

    No one else can be you and no one else can be me

    No one else can replicate our individual presence or share the gift(s) within each one of us.

    I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  Psalm 139:14

    It helps to repeat this truth to ourselves however many times a day it takes until we believe it. And we need to plant that message deep within each child, whether our own or the one(s) we teach or care for.

    Are we perfect? Of course not. We're only human, after all. A few of us may reach the heights, but most of us will go on day after day, simply being faithful in doing what's before us and showing up when someone is counting on us.

    That's no small thing, in case you hadn't noticed. Ask anyone who longs for a friend or spouse they can count on, even when the going gets tough.

    Instead of counting up what we lack, why not keep track of our pluses?

    It's not bragging to simply recognize our strengths. Even better, keep a running list. Wind down your day by giving yourself a hand for the time(s) when you know you did something right. Or demonstrated strength in a trying situation. This simple step nourishes our inner selves, depleted by the day, and reminds us of our worth. 

    The logical next step is to thank God. First, for enabling us, but also for instilling within us what we needed to do what we did.   

    For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10

    "God's workmanship." That means even though some of us may feel–in our younger years or now–that we're a bit "odd," eventually we will begin to understand how the pieces fit together. 

    If you're having trouble identifying your particular "good works," here's a surprise

    Think of those things you "just feel like doing." Or examine the choices you make in what you do every day, or your work or what you volunteer for because "it sounds interesting." 

    The late Frederick Buechner sheds some light on how we can figure out who we are: 

    Thus, when you wake up in the morning, called by God to be a self again, if you want to know who you are, watch your feet. Because where your feet take you, that is who you are.   

    For me at least, those two sentences help me clarify my thoughts and clear away confusion about where I belong.

    It's okay for you to be you and me to be me

    We are different, you and I, yet in our own way we each "stand out in the crowd."

    Whether we've known it or not, what we do and where we are is no accident.

    At the same time we can be excited, because who knows what God has lined up for us next?

    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11

    He knows. Knows the reasons why. Knows the where and knows the when. Each day becomes our personal "voyage of discovery."

    Whatever lies ahead, He's got it all covered. Not to worry.

    Why not choose to live each day at peace and with joy?

    Lenore

    Find your place in the crowd

  • Remember when we were little and we proudly declared, "I'm gonna do something important when I grow up!"

    Most of us lost that certainty and we toned it down as the years went by. Besides, our definition of "important" changed–and that's a good thing.

    Some people have a mental pecking order when it comes to jobs. Sorry to tell you, but that's an outdated concept.  

    Sometimes a job is much more than it seems 

    Mitzi works in a child care center. She earns little more than minimum wage, but she loves kids.

    Some days the babies cry all day and toddlers cling. On those days sometimes she would like to turBlog. Nursery School Teacher. kids. 10.15n around, walk out the door and never come back.

    But she stays, knowing she's "security" for the little ones in her charge. 

    The moms and dads love her because it's plain to see that Mitzi loves their children. They often confide in her because she always lets them talk. What's more, she takes time to listen. Mitzi raised three children of her own, so she often passes on practical tips from her own parenting.  

    More than one young mom has said to her, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Mitzi. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants as a mom and I don't have anyone else to ask. You are a lifesaver!"

    George is "just a janitor" in a middle school.

    He has a small cubbyhole "office" where he eats his sack lunch and puts his feet up between chores.

    Each year at the beginning of the school year he makes sure to spread the word to students just coming in that he wants to be helpful. He lets everyone know it's okay to stop by his office and if he can help them, he will.  

    There might as well be a sign that reads "Counselor" over the door to his tiny room. Every day one or a few kids stop by. They talk and he listens. Sometimes he asks leading questions that turn their thoughts in a new direction. He takes the time, even if they still hang around after the end of a long school day.  

    Always, George takes care that his door stays open. 

    When a student finishes talking it out George usually assures them that he can tell they are strong and that he knows they will work it out. Most of the time that's all they need.

    Sometimes he advises them to talk to a particular teacher or counselor. If he spots a youngster who seems deeply troubled, he quietly alerts faculty members who could come alongside.

    Every now and then a kid will tell him, "You're my best friend in all the world, George. Nobody else cares."

    Sandy worked behind the counter of a roller skating rink

    On weekends and vacation times that rink also served as a hangout for middle- and high-schoolers with too much time on their hands. Her official job was to check everyone in and hand out skates.

    Sandy didn't stop with that. She also settled arguments, usually by listening to both sides and then helping the kids get a better perspective. Her clear eyes saw everything, including young couples who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

    "They're good kids, most of 'em," she said, "but a few have no one at home because their parents work late. That's why they hang around here–and why they talk to me. Some of their questions are 'lulus,' let me tell you! Everything from faith to sex to fear their parents might be getting a divorce."

    That's when Sandy smiled, her face alight with real affection. "They need someone they can talk to. That makes me glad I can be here and that I have time to listen. I give out lots of hugs and I get hugged back. I guess for some of those kids I'm like another mom–and it's good for me to be needed, too."

    Let's drop the word "just" when talking about what we do

    You're not "just" a mom or a dad. You are raising the next generation. What could be more important than that? You are the one(s) in charge of your family's life and almost certainly, you set the tone for the atmosphere in your home.

    You're not "just" a senior with time on your hands. You can use that extra time in so many ways, with your family, in your church and/or in your community. You are available and that enables you to be a blessing in ways that weren't possible earlier in your life.

    You're not "just" a caregiver for a loved one. You are the one who–probably more than you know–makes it possible for that family member to feel still loved and valued, in spite of needing care.

    You're not "just" a nurse or nurse's aide. You are the one who has the most direct contact with patients. You care for them–and probably with a smile that doesn't quit. You speak hope when they are depressed and encourage them.  

    You're not "just" the employee who keeps the business or restaurant tidy, including the restrooms. Because of your quiet work in the background, customers relax and feel confidence that things are done as they should be. 

    The list goes on and on. Endlessly.

    Adding value to what we do as individuals

    However we spend our days we can make life better for ourselves and others without much extra effort, often with words alone. 

    It's as the writer of Proverbs says in 25:11 (ESV):

    A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.  

    A friend suggested the other day that instead of the cliche, "Have a nice day," we Christians easily could say, "May God give you a good day."

    Or when someone asks, "How are you?" we could do better than reply with our standard "I'm fine." We could answer with something like, "I'm blessed and thankful, and I hope you are, too."

    Suppose we took the words of the Apostle Paul seriously

    Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.   Philippians 4:8  ESV

    What if you and I made it our "job" to live out those words? Whatever else we do each day, we could embody these truths and let it come through in our ordinary conversations and our everyday responsibilities. Think how that could change our days–and every interaction with other people.

    This may sound small and unimportant, but trust me: The results(s) could be mighty.

    Best of all, whatever our age or life situation, every one of can do this "small job, right now, wherever we are. 

    Ready, set, go!

    Lenore

     

    Forget the old definitions: There are no small jobs

  • Even when we know our life is good, it can feel overwhelming at times

    Even if we're living out our dream. Even when we know we're blessed. Even–surprisingly–though we may be living our dream.

    Blog. Thoughtful woman in park. 7.12.17Today, when that old, old feeling strikes me, I go back to what I discovered as a frazzled young mom.

    Living on overload was dragging me down. But how to get a grip? 

    Was I praying? Absolutely. I could see God's goodness in our life, but most days I felt myself hustling just to keep up on the basics.

    I needed more. I needed some sort of a practical action plan. A stronger, wiser way of looking at people and my life.

    From that crisis point I went back to school, so to speak. Any tidbit of time I could manage I first read the Bible and fed my soul. I scoured our daily newspaper and clipped useful articles. I tore out magazine articles and pored over good self-help books. I kept a notebook where I copied out the best sections and jotted down notes.  

    Enter Dr. Crane, who offered advice, free for the taking

    His column ran regularly in our newspaper. His down-to-earth approach to life appealed to me. This professional's syndicated column, "Dr. Crane Says," ran in newspapers all over the USA. Later I learned his column already had been running for decades when I found it for myself.

    Each time I found useful pointers for living. Even then I knew it was genius to take lengthy principles for mental health and boil them down to their essence, so that readers of any educational level could understand them.

    Back then it seemed groundbreaking when Dr. Crane's  "Just for Today" piece appeared. Over the years I noticed he reran it periodically, always explaining it cut down on constant requests for reprints.  

    The first time I read it I taped it to a cupboard door and reread it at least once a day. His simple wisdom painted a picture for me of what it would look like to live richly and feel I had some control over my life. It laid out a clear track that anyone could follow.

    Recently I ran across this old friend again

    Obviously, I'm not the only reader who prized Dr. Crane's practical wisdom. Since this piece now is in the public domain, I pass it on in its original 1921 version. May you, too, find these timeless words useful and helpful. Even today, they speak to my heart. May they speak to yours, too.                             

                                                            JUST FOR TODAY

    Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning.

    They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work.

    These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

    1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

    2. Just for Today, I will be Happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of Externals.

    3. Just for Today, I will Adjust myself to what Is, and not try to Adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

    4. Just for Today, I will take care of my Body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

    5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

    6. Just for Today, I will exercise my Soul. In three ways, to wit:

        (a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.

        (b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

        (c) I will not show any one that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but Today I will not show it.

    7. Just for Today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible,  talk low,  act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit  nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

    8. Just for Today, I will have a Programme. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests, Hurry and Indecision.

    9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

    10. Just for Today, I will be Unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be Happy, to enjoy what is Beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love love me. 

    Even today, in 2021, the plan points us toward sound mental health, doesn't it? Most refreshing of all, there's not one word of controversy or fear or politics.

    Does the list sound too daunting to master? First let's remind ourselves this is a list to work toward, not one one which we either pass or fail. It's like a road map that points toward an attractive destination. 

    Besides, we're not in this alone. Today and every day, our Best Friend is with us and strengthens us. Here's the key Bible verse that proves that. 

    I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.                                                               Philippians 4:13   

    Just for Today, with God's help, we'll make it through.

    Still growing, too, 

    Lenore

    How to make it through the not-so-good days

  • Blog. turkey. 5.09

    They're all around us, the people who drag us down and leave us mired in their words. Or attitudes. Some of us call them turkeys–and don't ask me why. 

    It might be a neighbor or friend who harps on the same gripes, time after time. Or it could might be someone seated beside you and for whatever reason, you can't escape. It could even be (gasp!) someone in your family.

    A number of turkeys have their own talk shows, either on radio or TV. We listen while doing other tasks and tell ourselves we're not really paying attention, so what difference could it make in how we look at life?  

    Answer: More than we think.

    Held captive by a turkey  

    Several years ago I sat in a small hair salon and next to me, a turkey was holding forth. This woman held a low opinion of everybody and everything, which she delighted to proclaim–loudly–to everyone within listening range.  

    Spoke so loudly that the rest of us gave up trying to carry on conversations and just sat there, squirming and looking uncomfortable. I was mid-haircut, etc., so there was no escape.

    The longer the turkey talked, the more excited she got. She actually glowed with excitement.

    We all live with turkeys around us, so what can we do?

    As I drove home, I thought how once again, I so quickly felt that downward pull and got stuck in someone else's bad mood. I've learned when that happens it's no time until we get stuck on the negatives, too, and forget what's good. 

    Maybe you live or work with someone like that woman in the salon. Or perhaps you fight that tendency in yourself.

    A seminar speaker offered one explanation of the way this works. He explained it as a process somewhat like the force of gravity. We don't have to be able to explain everything about physics to know that gravity is real and it exerts a downward force on objects–and people. 

    This speaker's whole emphasis was that we "catch" one another's moods. Curiously, negativity and dark outlooks spread faster than positive moods. It's as if they become weights–or yokes–we carry around with us.

    Staying "up" is possible 

    That speaker laid out an effective technique that can turn us around when we're feeling down. All that's required is a pen and paper and a few minutes of time to think as we make some lists.

    People choose their own names for their lists. For example, "My gratitude list," "Things I'm thankful for," or "Things I'm happy about."

    Write your choice(s) as a heading at the top. Then think of at least ten things that fit. For example, maybe you're in a hard place right now, but did you wake up this morning? Could you taste what you ate? See the colors in the landscape outside your window?

    You get the idea. Use the same technique with people. Try making a list of your husband's good points–and write at least ten things, even if you have to dig for them.

    One woman in the group asked, "Right now I'm so frustrated with that man I can't think of anything he does right except he rinses out the sink after he brushes his teeth. Does that count?"

    Our speaker replied, "Absolutely. Start small. Don't be looking for big things like, 'My husband always shares his feelings with me' or you may never find ten things to be thankful for."

    We all laughed, but he made a good point

    Do the same for each child, even–or especially–the one who's giving you trouble right now.

    The point of it all is that we fail to see individuals as they are. We forget to notice what's good in the people around us. Instead, we fixate on what annoys us and before long, we can't see the person's good qualities and kind actions.   

    It's time to take off the blinders. Prepare to be surprised, because listing reasons to be thankful will turn out to be fun and you'll be making more lists. 

    This pays a lovely dividend, too. Once we switch perspectives we become more aware of what's good and right and true. We appreciate the people in our lives more. When that happens, especially when we tell them so, they relax and appreciate us back.

    Before long we take a fresh look at our world–and it's good

    Before long we realize our "turkey" has a beauty we had shut our hearts to. 

    Sooner or later we come to understand that for awhile, we got stuck on this individual's minuses instead of pluses. 

    How do I know this works? More than once, I've seen how it works. Why not try it yourself? Betcha you'll like it!

    Meanwhile, let's keep in mind that God creates individuals, not carbon copies

    So why do we keep laying our expectations on each other?

    Each of us is a mix. I've learned over the years that what I judge to be missing in a person often turns out to be a strength, a quality God can–and does–use in ways I never ever envisioned.

    (This turns out to be true for each of us, even ourselves.)

    Encouragement for your journey

    If you're like me, you find it easier to work on a better outlook when you find the same or similar truths in the Bible. Let me share some reassurance from God's Book.

    For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.   Jeremiah 29:11

    For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.    Ephesians 2:10

    (Jesus said) "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him , he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."   John 15:5

    P.S. 

    One more thing comes to mind. Years ago someone's turn of phrase caught my attention and stayed in my mind. I've found it to be true in every relationship, in every part of life. One thing never changes:

    "What you look for is what you will find."

    (I guess this means I need to take my own advice and that long-ago "turkey" in the hair salon probably was an otherwise-nice woman who just needed to talk … )

    Here's to looking for the good in people and in our lives,

    Lenore

    Tame the “turkeys” in your life

  • In this ever-churning world, how do we stay calm?

    Years ago, during one of our weekly family trips to our public library, I picked Blog. Woman in lirary. 8up a book with an enticing title: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, by Dale Carnegie.

    Once I started reading it, his use of one phrase grabbed hold of me:  

    "Live in day-tight compartments."

    Five unremarkable words, yet they kept playing in my mind. Later I realized they echo Psalm 118:24, which I learned as a child: 

    This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  ESV

    I had repeated those beautiful words many times, but for whatever reason, they had not yet "sunk in."  

    This time, they did and changed the way I looked at life.

    Life sometimes seems like too much to handle 

    Those five words hit me because they so neatly summed up what I needed to do. At the time, I was a busy young wife and mom who seldom sat down and never, ever got through my To Do list.

    Don't get me wrong. Our life brimmed with joy and hard work and the blessed sound of four little girls giggling. I loved my husband and our kids with all my heart.

    I had everything to be thankful for–and I truly was–but I often felt overwhelmed. 

    In quiet moments that nuisance inner voice whispered, "Are you sure you have what it takes? What about all you have to  do tomorrow? And next week? And what will you do when all these girls become teenagers?"  

    Outwardly, I smiled. Inwardly, I low-level simmered with self-doubt.  

    Finding a new perspective

    "Live in day-tight compartments" showed me a better way to think.

    Carnegie used the analogy of an ocean liner, in which the captain shuts off any leaking compartments to keep the vessel afloat.

    The rest of us can live that way, too, he says over and over.  

    Here's how. We close the door on yesterday and its failures, as deliberately as we shut the door to a room. Then–just for today–we block out our "what ifs" and fears and worries about the future.

    That leaves this day, the one we actually are living in, the one the Lord has given us. From this 24 hours we determine to squeeze out every drop of joy and satisfaction.

    What about problems and troubles? Carnegie promises any of us can deal with anything for one day. What sinks us is wondering how we will get through tomorrow and the day after that.

    The more I thought about it, the more I realized he spoke truth. It sounded too simple, but then, great truths often are.

    Jesus said it first

    Remember the Sermon on the Mount? In Matthew, chapters 5-7, Jesus addressed the crowds. His words come loaded with wisdom for living, like: 

    "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."   Matthew 6:34   NIV

    Jesus taught this centuries before Carnegie's "day-tight compartments." His words imply we are to leave our "woulda, coulda, shouldas" in the past, as well, simply because they are history.  

    As for our nameless fears about the future, they don't belong in this day, either.  Deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

    Substitute prayer for worry  

    Prayer is simply talking to God, openly sharing what's on our hearts, giving him the whole load of it. The goods, the bads and yes, sometimes the uglies of it.

    For many of us, prayer weaves through every part of our lives.  

    Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7  ESV

    For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.  2 Timothy 1:7  ESV

    I learned a lot from books but oh, so much more from spending time in the Bible and participating in good Bible studies. I discovered treasures like Philippians 4:5-7, which I copied onto a sticky note and posted it on my bathroom mirror. Here, it's from the J. B. Phillips paraphrase:

    Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus. 

    Trust-worthy words that can change your life

    If you're looking for words with power to change your life and give you peace, turn to the Bible.

    Skeptics and naysayers have challenged and ridiculed and argued about it on all sides, yet the Bible endures over the centuries. What's more, no one has found any errors in it. In fact, recent findings by today's archaeologists simply back up the dates and facts as given.  

    Perhaps you've tried to read it, but didn't or couldn't understand.

    Try again. Ask God to open your understanding, then start with the Gospel of Matthew or the Gospel of John. Take your time, but stick with reading it–and I promise, it will get easier.

    If you have a smart phone or computer you can download the Bible through one of the many Holy Bible apps that offer the NIV or ESV translations, as well as others. Then you will hear the text, word-for-word all through the Bible, read by excellent narrators.  

    What next? Live out biblical truths as best you can and trust the Holy Spirit to gently change you from the inside out so that you will feel peace and calm within. Find a church where the Bible is front-and-center and held up as God's Truth, without error and reliable, and where you feel the joy as people of faith come together. 

    Will you still have questions and struggles? Probably, either ongoing or from time to time, because life goes on and none of us is perfect. Will they swamp your "boat?"

    Never. You'll keep growing and you will notice less stress within.   

    Self-help vs. faith-on-the-grow

    Carnegie and countless other writers teach principles and techniques. They tell us we have control over our thoughts and attitudes, not vice versa.  

    The trouble is, each one maintains that WE can change ourselves if we just try hard enough.  

    The truth is, we all need help and inner change is an inside job.

    The Bible tells us again and again that when we trust in Jesus, his Holy Spirit in our hearts gently changes us from the inside out. Changes us for real.  

    Jesus said in John 10:10b:

    "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  NIV

    Consider the Bible a storehouse filled with good words for living. Words that can transform your life because they testify of God's grace in Jesus Christ, the Savior.

    By now I've lived long enough to know this goes way beyond theory. This is truth. Take these words to heart, my friend, and be at peace.

    God bless you,

    Lenore

    To raise your quality of life, start with these five words

  • This may sound a bit outlandish, but hang in there and read on. I promise there's a logical connBlog. Two serious women talking. 3.13ection.

    Did you ever notice how quickly we pick up on it when someone criticizes us or seems to judge us negatively?

    Praise may inhabit the same sentences, but we miss that.

    In one effortless leap, we pounce on the negative and camp out. 

    The thought lingers like pesky grains of beach sand that refuse to rub off or wash off.  

    I wonder what she meant by that?   

    How can he expect me to …?    

    Who does she think she is?

    We brush the offender away, but it returns in the middle of the night, unbidden.

    Always, we choose what to do with it

    We can keep it, nurse it and turn it into a pet. 

    We can blow it up until it blots out the rest of our otherwise good life.

    If we take either path, this thing will grow into hardness of heart and that becomes as unyielding as a chunk of granite.

    Before long we develop a worrisome habit and find intentional slights and hurts lurking in every conversation. It doesn't matter whether anyone else agrees. We know what that speaker meant.  

    Good advice from a wise friend for how to handle times like this

    A Bible teacher once laid out some strategies about this topic to our group.

    • Hold your perception up to the light and examine it as objectively as you can. Discard what you know is false.
    • Pluck out any truth you find and weigh its worth. If you need to, swallow hard and face it. 
    • Consider carefully before you speak up, knowing you have no power to change another person's mind.
    • State the facts calmly, without heat. Without argument.
    • Apologize when you know you need to, even if it doesn't feel comfortable. Do it for your own clear conscience and your peace of mind.
    • Decide to leave your wounded pride at the cross–and don't pick it up again.
    • Pray for a heart of love toward the one(s) who hurt you.

    Let's learn from the oyster

    Oysters that take in pieces of grit may form pearls of incredible luster over time.  Blog. Oyster w. pearl. 3.13Similarly, irritating experiences can produce something beautiful in us.

    If we let them.

    All it takes is letting go of our pain and leaving it behind at the cross. (Yes, I know that's hard.)

    Listen to what Jesus told his followers in John 10:10:

    "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

    The full life. Peace of mind and heart. Joy down deep, where it lasts and where it matters.

    Speaking of Jesus … 

    It's not that long since Christians all over the world celebrated Easter. Why do we mark this wonderful event every year? Here's why, in a nutshell:

    Jesus came. He lived and died, really died. Three days later He burst out of his grave, fully alive, and in his human body He walked and talked to many people. He ate with His friends. By His life and death Jesus made peace between us and God. He came to make us new and set us free from the power of sin in our lives. That's what Easter is all about–and Jesus came for all people.

    And that's why we can be at peace, with no need to take offense when someone else sounds critical of us. It doesn't matter and our self-esteem need not be diminished one bit. We have all we need in Jesus.

    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.   John 3:16-17  ESV

    That's why we Christians rejoice over Easter.

    That's why we can forgive others when they unintentionally–or even intentionally–speak thoughtless words that hurt us. In Jesus we can let it go and pay no attention..

    Life is too precious to waste on hurt feelings. Let's "grow pearls" instead.

    Learning, too,

    Lenore

    What we can learn from the oyster

  • Some of us may be thinking that right now.

    Blog. Camelot Castle.11.2020Camelot, the stuff dreams are made of.

    Camelot, the mythical kingdom where the flowers always bloomed and the sun always shone. Perfection.

    In that magical place no maiden ever felt a pang of distress for long because somehow, a brave knight always waited to rescue her–and just in time.

    Ladies in elaborate gowns sipped tea and cakes–yet never had to boil or bake.

    Never was heard an angry word and tranquility reigned, at least on the surface. 

    Ah, Camelot. Or if you prefer, Downton Abbey.

    Either one will do–provided it comes with a downstairs staff and Mr. Carson.

    The problem is, you and I live in the real world

    With real people. 

    People we find hard to tolerate, not because they've harmed us but because, well, just because. Who needs more reason than that? 

    People with whom we may disagree. Strongly. Yet here we are living in the same world, maybe right next door to each other.

    Business associates and political leaders–whoever they are–probably will let us down and we will chafe at them even being allowed to hold power of any kind. 

    On a personal level, sometimes even the best of us let each other down. Husbands fail wives and wives fail their husbands. Parents fail their children–and vice versa. Friends walk out of our lives and we don't know why.

    All this is part of the human condition. If we expect any person in our lives to be perfect, it's a dream more elusive than Camelot.  

    And we set ourselves up to be disappointed because we human beings are, well, human. That is, flawed.

    The trick is to stop looking "out there" and focus on what's good 

    Most of us can call to mind at least a few times we under-valued what we have. That's a waste. When we take it for granted we can forget we are blessed .  

    How we live, how we treat the people in our lives and the choices we make are within our control. That's true whoever we are and whatever our life situation.

    Even if everything is stripped away, we still decide our outlook on life.

    Will we keep a running list of what we lack or will we open our eyes to ways we are blessed?  

    It's our own four walls that spell home and warmth, not those stunning houses we see on HGTV.

    It's the flesh-and-blood people in our lives who fill our hearts and give life meaning, not the "beautiful people" we may read about or admire on TV. 

    It's our own bodies and health we need to care for, whatever our shape or size and whatever the state of our health.

    God gifts us with each day and that alone is reason to celebrate.

    Perhaps it's time for a turnaround in our thinking

    First comes the knowing. Then comes the will to appreciate who we are and what we have.  

    Can we change? Absolutely. We just need to take the Apostle Paul at his word.  

    [This is what the LORD says] "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"  –Isaiah 43:18-19  NIV

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!  –2 Corinthians 5:17   NIV

    In Jesus Christ, we are new, with new eyes. And we can turn to him as long as there's breath in our bodies. 

    As for Camelot–or Downton Abbey–I'd love to visit sometime. But I wouldn't trade the joys and challenges of relating to real life and real people. 

    (Still, it would be nice to have a downstairs staff, don't you think?)

    Blessings,

    Lenore

    Did someone mess up your Camelot?