Category: Living fully

How do you see yourself?

Do you often think or say," Well, I've never done anything special. Probably never will. Makes me wonder sometimes what's the point of going on?"

Just in case nobody's told you this lately, letting that mood hang on is like trying to camp out on quicksand.

Still, dealing with difficult family situations or health problems or simply growing older can feel like too much to bear at times.

Or maybe your daily grind is grinding you down and you can't see a way out.

What's a person to do?

Why not try on a new perspective?

Some years ago Andy Andrews wrote a book, The Noticer, that became meaningful to masses of readers. Here's a brief summary of what the main character, Jones, tells a hopeless individual about the reasons why they are still living:

1. God has a purpose for every single person.

2. You won't die until that purpose is fulfilled.

3. If you are still alive, then you haven't completed what you were put on earth to do.

4. If you haven't completed what you were put on earth to do, then your very purpose hasn't been fulfilled.

5. If your purpose hasn't been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life is still ahead.

6. You have yet to make your most important contribution.

(Chapter 6, pp. 83-85.)

You already meet this author's most important criteria

As long as you and I are still breathing we have not yet fulfilled our purpose, at least, not all of our purpose. This makes every day vitally important, doesn't it?

It doesn't matter if we look back on the past with yearning. It doesn't matter if we feel unsure about today or tomorrow. Our moods do not determine the value of our lives. Our down times do not cancel out the good we have done–and are doing.

Those of us who are Christians see a larger purpose in what we're able to accomplish during our lifetimes, even when we're just being faithful to do what's expected of us and see no fine, lofty and lasting purpose in our days. It puts meaning into our days–and our deeds–when we remember what the Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 2:10:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Let's take it a bit further

As Christians we're meant to look at life differently. Take worry, for example:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:6-7

How do we get through those days (and sometimes weeks, months, even years) when life seems more than we can handle?

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10

We believers can safely trust that we will have the strength to meet whatever challenges may come up. God says so, in Deuteronomy 33:25:

"As thy days, so shall thy strength be."

What will tomorrow bring? None of us can say

So if today is "one of those days" and we're at a low point, it's time to look up from the pits and look past our problems.

You are alive and so am I. We cannot know how God already is using us in someone's life. We cannot predict how He will use us tomorrow, but we can trust that He will.

Dear reader, I pray you may know the truth of Romans 15:3:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Lenore

Take another look at your life

January 16, 2023
We've all been there, in one of those times when our life feels as flat as a soda that's lost its fizz.

The dark mood hangs on, even though nothing in our lives has changed. Our "glass" is as full today as it was yesterday. Last week. Last month.

Yet we see emptiness, not fullness.

That's because we call it as we see it at the moment, not as it is.

It's not helpful that we may do that with our family members and friends, too. We become blind to their good points and see only their faults.

We look at our lives and say, "Well, nobody's life is perfect, but …"

Then that little voice inside asks, Couldn't my life be a bit, um, more? Couldn't that other person change just a little bit? If only ….

Trust me, it's risky to hang around too long in the land of "If only."

I know a woman, let's call her Ginny, and I doubt she ever goes there. She has a pile of problems, but you'd never guess. Ask her how she's doing and she usually replies, "Great! If my life got any better, I couldn't stand it!"

Ask her to elaborate and she'll say, "Well, I am breathing in and out–and that's a good thing. My arms and legs get me around, no help needed, and my mind works just fine. So do my eyes, even if I do need Coke-bottle eyeglasses to see well. I have a roof over my head and I eat regularly. I'm part of a church family, where we love the Lord and we love each other. Best of all, I know Jesus loves me and watches over me, so I see myself as rich."

It took me awhile to understand that every time Ginny repeats all the reasons she has to be thankful it reinforces in her mind that she is blessed and it shifts her thinking to what's good and right and true.

Does that sounds too simple? Most great truths are.

What if you and I counted our blessings not just on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year?

Suppose we gave up harping on what's wrong and bemoaning what's missing and deliberately focused on what is good. Saying it out loud helps, too, even if there's no one else around.

Picture starting each day with, "Thank you, Lord, for this day and for every blessing in my life. Thank you for promising to be with me every minute. Guide me and use me, I pray, and get me through this day."

Think how that simple change could improve our marriages, our family relationships and our friendships.

Researchers say don't stop there

Don't take my word for it. A Texas Tech University study proved the value of counting our blessings and then counting them again. They divided study participants into two groups with similar life situations.

This turned out to be a genius way to prove that even such a simple practice made a huge difference. The folks who frequently and deliberately took time to re-appreciate the good in their lives scored themselves as happier than those who didn't.

Researchers concluded that counting our blessings–over and over–reminds us of their value and helps us stay contented.

As the song says,

"Count your blessings, name them one by one . . .

"And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

Our perception of life depends on where we look.

Most of all it helps if we take our eyes off the gifts and focus on the Giver. He is the real source of life in our life.

Here are some verses to help us get us started.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Why not give it a try?

This Thanksgiving and every day may you have blessings too numerous to count–and may you have eyes to see them!

Wishing you joy,

Lenore

Put some life back in your life

November 14, 2022
Sometimes a slight twist of our perspective leads to major changes.

That happened to my husband and me the week our entire family went to summer camp on the shore of Lake Michigan.

At the time we lived on and operated a dairy and grain farm, with all the constant responsibility that implies, plus we had four lively children.

Between cows and crops and kids, both of us were running on fumes by July and needed a break.

Needed time.

Needed to find each other again.

Then we heard of a long-established, well-respected Christian family camp. We could drive there from our Illinois farm.

And, oh bliss! Every day would offer age-appropriate programs and daytime activities for kids and teens, all supervised by well-screened youth counselors and leaders.

No cooking. No cleaning. No kids during most of the day, with family free time in the evenings. What's not to like?

Heaven on earth, here we come!

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon

Next morning we escorted our four girls to their age-appropriate activities, signed them in and walked away. They would be safe and have fun for the next 5 or 6 hours. Yippee!

That first day we two decided to "try out" the adult Bible study led by a pastor from the Northwest.

He started off with something like this. "Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Let's think this through. Who is my closest neighbor?"

Silence for a moment.

Then he hooked us with these words. "Answer: Our families. Nobody is a closer neighbor than the people we live with and share a life with. Nobody more deserves to be treated kindly and considerately.

"After all, they're the ones who every day have to deal with us. Us, with our individual quirks and habits." (Laughter.)

Then he launched into lively personal examples. As always, I took notes.

His first illustration made me squirm

"Every morning when I'm ready to eat breakfast with my wife, I never know what to expect. Most of the time she's a sweetheart. But sometimes, blame it on PMS, or a dreary day or whatever, she sighs a lot, slams cupboard doors and bangs the dishes around. At our house, that's not a good sign."

(I didn't look at my husband and was glad he didn't give me the elbow.)

"So every morning I have a choice. Will I give back what she is giving out? Or will I, even on those mornings, remember that my call as a Christian is to love her?

"To love her even when I know I'm in for another tough day at work. Even if I'm not sure whether we can cover all the bills this month.

"My first call as a Christian husband is to love my wife. Period. And a Christian wife has the same call toward her husband."

You could have heard a pin drop in that packed auditorium

His simple words shot down every excuse and self-justification I could think of.

"You may wonder if this principle also applies to us as Christian parents," he said. "In one word: Yes.

"Parenting is hard!" (Applause all around the room.) "For those raising children on their own it's even harder, yet the challenge remains the same: To live out love unconditionally as best they can.

"My three children often charm me, irritate me, baffle me, embarrass me, disappoint me, bring me to tears. But it doesn't matter. That's all part of rearing these gifts of God.

"As their dad, my call is to keep on loving them through it all."

Each day our teacher opened his heart and helped us look deeper into living out our Christian faith and pointed out the many places the Bible says the Holy Spirit is our Helper.

His words were water on our dry, dusty hearts

Our wilted spirits slowly revived and bloomed again. The invisible distance between us melted and our usual oneness returned.

Did my husband and I immediately morph into ideal spouses who never again got impatient with each other? Not likely.

But we gained new understanding and turned a corner in our thinking. The last afternoon we promised each other we would do our best to live out love every day.

And over the years, we did, sometimes slipping and sliding along the way but hanging on.

Jesus knew we would find this a challenge

He tells us to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

"AS yourself."

That's the "ouch factor" in those words, isn't it? The one that sets us coming up with "Yeah, buts."

It gets easier when we remember what that study leader at Camp stressed over and over:

"Love" is more than an emotion. To live out love means to do what's loving–and this we control.

That surprised me then and it still does

Looking at love this way means we needn't first try to dredge up emotion from within ourselves. We don't have to feel loving to demonstrate love. To act in loving ways.

When we simply do what love calls for it's not long before our feelings match our actions.

But that's the point, isn't it? When Jesus told us to love he did not mean to love when we're in the mood and the rest of the time, forget it.

Let's keep the order straight

Jesus sums it up in Mark 12:30-31:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

After this comes:

The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.

We love because he [Jesus] first loved us. 1 John 4:19 NIV

Along the way, let's be kind to ourselves, too. Sometimes we will fail and need to start over, simply because we're human beings. That's a good time to remind ourselves of this truth:

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 ESV

Our forgiveness in Christ means we are not condemned when we fall short of loving unconditionally. Instead, we are free to start over and go on, living our faith and growing stronger.

Best of all, we're not left on our own

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV

Let us rejoice and be glad!

Lenore

A fresh take on “Love your neighbor”

June 18, 2022
Perhaps the better question is, "How are you treating life?"

That is, what label do we paste on our days?

We seldom realize that's what we're doing, but it's true–and it becomes a habit.

A bad habit, because it gets easier and easier to fixate on what's "wrong" and subsequently miss what's right. (Or am I the only one who ever does that?)

This colors how we look at everything, maybe most of all, the people in our lives.

Finding fault and complaining starts early. Think how siblings squabble and wail, "It's my turn."

Nobody has to teach kids that annoying practice. Isn't it odd how that kind of attitude seems to lurk within each of us?

The angst of the younger generation ramps up in the teenage years, with endless complaints to parents: "You always …" or "You never … "

During those years children and teens could not fathom the internal struggles a mother or father feels. All along they live with uncertainty, nobody ever certain they are "doing it right."

Labeling saves time

Think about it. Once we label a person we don't have to think. We just plug in what we always "knew" about them–or thought we did.

Those old impressions lodge in our minds and too often we won't let go. It's more comfortable to hang onto old thinking than to take a fresh look. At ourselves.

This same pitfall dogs married couples. The person we fell in love with and married turns out to have a few faults. Yet that's the one who stays and keeps on loving us through all the highs and lows, the good times and the hard times–which happen to everyone, by the way.

Even those we judge to "have it all together."

Cause for celebration

If we're honest, at times any one of us is not that easy to live with–even in a strong marriage. True?

But do we celebrate? Nope. More often we nag and nit-pick about small habits that bug us. We whine that we don't feel appreciated for who we are and how much we give and we are the ones who deserve to be celebrated.

(How do I know this? Do you need to ask?)

We may exhibit selective sight with our adult children, as well. We focus on all the ways they need to change but remain blind to their strengths and good points. As for praise, forget about it, because we know they could do better.

Often our Inner Critic carries that over into all of life

We pick out things we wish were different and easily ignore what's good. We look "over there" for happiness and forget to look at what and who is right there in front of us.

Most of all we forget to look within ourselves.

Too often I would have to plead guilty. How about you?

But hey, old habits are hard to break. Right?

Time for a change

I've never forgotten one sermon that jolted me out of that rut.

Our pastor had the ushers hand out index cards and told us that he had found a short formula to be helpful in his life because it opened the eyes of his heart. That Sunday he decided to pass it on to us.

He suggested an experiment. Starting that day each of us was to promise ourselves to make this our personal practice. No questions would be asked. No reports of progress or lack thereof. This was to be personal.

His "formula" stuck in my memory because it's uncomplicated and short. I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Did it bless my life? Yes it did, although I confess sometimes I slipped up often and some days didn't remember to try.

Here's the simple formula:

1. Leave the past at the cross of Jesus Christ, once and for all.

2. See the good.

3. Speak the good.

4. Ask God to develop this attitude within me.

U-turn required

Whatever the date and time or stage of life we're in right now, it's worth giving it a fair trial, don't you think?

According to the news and the "experts" it sounds as if everything is up for grabs. Some of us feel we're floundering and just hanging on from day to day.

This simple formula sorts out what matters most in making a good life. It reveals the emptiness of the flotsam we're flooded with every day, on every side. It reminds us to stay on track by fixing our attention on what we as individuals can control.

This list serves us in the same way a level serves a carpenter: It helps us stay balanced, today and in the future.

You and I cannot change the world, but we change our world

Living by that pastor's formula takes us a long way toward that goal.

For specifics, many people hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an example of how we should live. I believe most of those principles apply to both sexes in a general way.

If the criteria in that chapter sound too daunting, focus on verse 26 for starters.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Doesn't that make a worthy checklist for both women and men?

It's not hard to see how speaking kindness and appreciation would add life and light to our lives–and the lives of our spouse, our children and the people around us. This is doable for any of us.

Whatever our age or life situation, one truth applies to every one of us:

God gives us life. It's up to us how we live it.

Here's to being good learners,

Lenore

A question only you can answer: How is Life Treating You?

May 17, 2022
Remember when we were little and we proudly declared, "I'm gonna do something important when I grow up!"

Most of us lost that certainty and we toned it down as the years went by. Besides, our definition of "important" changed–and that's a good thing.

Some people have a mental pecking order when it comes to jobs. Sorry to tell you, but that's an outdated concept.

Sometimes a job is much more than it seems

Mitzi works in a child care center. She earns little more than minimum wage, but she loves kids.

Some days the babies cry all day and toddlers cling. On those days sometimes she would like to turn around, walk out the door and never come back.

But she stays, knowing she's "security" for the little ones in her charge.

The moms and dads love her because it's plain to see that Mitzi loves their children. They often confide in her because she always lets them talk. What's more, she takes time to listen. Mitzi raised three children of her own, so she often passes on practical tips from her own parenting.

More than one young mom has said to her, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Mitzi. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants as a mom and I don't have anyone else to ask. You are a lifesaver!"

George is "just a janitor" in a middle school.

He has a small cubbyhole "office" where he eats his sack lunch and puts his feet up between chores.

Each year at the beginning of the school year he makes sure to spread the word to students just coming in that he wants to be helpful. He lets everyone know it's okay to stop by his office and if he can help them, he will.

There might as well be a sign that reads "Counselor" over the door to his tiny room. Every day one or a few kids stop by. They talk and he listens. Sometimes he asks leading questions that turn their thoughts in a new direction. He takes the time, even if they still hang around after the end of a long school day.

Always, George takes care that his door stays open.

When a student finishes talking it out George usually assures them that he can tell they are strong and that he knows they will work it out. Most of the time that's all they need.

Sometimes he advises them to talk to a particular teacher or counselor. If he spots a youngster who seems deeply troubled, he quietly alerts faculty members who could come alongside.

Every now and then a kid will tell him, "You're my best friend in all the world, George. Nobody else cares."

Sandy worked behind the counter of a roller skating rink

On weekends and vacation times that rink also served as a hangout for middle- and high-schoolers with too much time on their hands. Her official job was to check everyone in and hand out skates.

Sandy didn't stop with that. She also settled arguments, usually by listening to both sides and then helping the kids get a better perspective. Her clear eyes saw everything, including young couples who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

"They're good kids, most of 'em," she said, "but a few have no one at home because their parents work late. That's why they hang around here–and why they talk to me. Some of their questions are 'lulus,' let me tell you! Everything from faith to sex to fear their parents might be getting a divorce."

That's when Sandy smiled, her face alight with real affection. "They need someone they can talk to. That makes me glad I can be here and that I have time to listen. I give out lots of hugs and I get hugged back. I guess for some of those kids I'm like another mom–and it's good for me to be needed, too."

Let's drop the word "just" when talking about what we do

You're not "just" a mom or a dad. You are raising the next generation. What could be more important than that? You are the one(s) in charge of your family's life and almost certainly, you set the tone for the atmosphere in your home.

You're not "just" a senior with time on your hands. You can use that extra time in so many ways, with your family, in your church and/or in your community. You are available and that enables you to be a blessing in ways that weren't possible earlier in your life.

You're not "just" a caregiver for a loved one. You are the one who–probably more than you know–makes it possible for that family member to feel still loved and valued, in spite of needing care.

You're not "just" a nurse or nurse's aide. You are the one who has the most direct contact with patients. You care for them–and probably with a smile that doesn't quit. You speak hope when they are depressed and encourage them.

You're not "just" the employee who keeps the business or restaurant tidy, including the restrooms. Because of your quiet work in the background, customers relax and feel confidence that things are done as they should be.

The list goes on and on. Endlessly.

Adding value to what we do as individuals

However we spend our days we can make life better for ourselves and others without much extra effort, often with words alone.

It's as the writer of Proverbs says in 25:11 (ESV):

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

A friend suggested the other day that instead of the cliche, "Have a nice day," we Christians easily could say, "May God give you a good day."

Or when someone asks, "How are you?" we could do better than reply with our standard "I'm fine." We could answer with something like, "I'm blessed and thankful, and I hope you are, too."

Suppose we took the words of the Apostle Paul seriously

Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV

What if you and I made it our "job" to live out those words? Whatever else we do each day, we could embody these truths and let it come through in our ordinary conversations and our everyday responsibilities. Think how that could change our days–and every interaction with other people.

This may sound small and unimportant, but trust me: The results(s) could be mighty.

Best of all, whatever our age or life situation, every one of can do this "small job, right now, wherever we are.

Ready, set, go!

Lenore

Forget the old definitions: There are no small jobs

October 29, 2021
They're all around us, the people who drag us down and leave us mired in their words. Or attitudes. Some of us call them turkeys–and don't ask me why.

It might be a neighbor or friend who harps on the same gripes, time after time. Or it could might be someone seated beside you and for whatever reason, you can't escape. It could even be (gasp!) someone in your family.

A number of turkeys have their own talk shows, either on radio or TV. We listen while doing other tasks and tell ourselves we're not really paying attention, so what difference could it make in how we look at life?

Answer: More than we think.

Held captive by a turkey

Several years ago I sat in a small hair salon and next to me, a turkey was holding forth. This woman held a low opinion of everybody and everything, which she delighted to proclaim–loudly–to everyone within listening range.

Spoke so loudly that the rest of us gave up trying to carry on conversations and just sat there, squirming and looking uncomfortable. I was mid-haircut, etc., so there was no escape.

The longer the turkey talked, the more excited she got. She actually glowed with excitement.

We all live with turkeys around us, so what can we do?

As I drove home, I thought how once again, I so quickly felt that downward pull and got stuck in someone else's bad mood. I've learned when that happens it's no time until we get stuck on the negatives, too, and forget what's good.

Maybe you live or work with someone like that woman in the salon. Or perhaps you fight that tendency in yourself.

A seminar speaker offered one explanation of the way this works. He explained it as a process somewhat like the force of gravity. We don't have to be able to explain everything about physics to know that gravity is real and it exerts a downward force on objects–and people.

This speaker's whole emphasis was that we "catch" one another's moods. Curiously, negativity and dark outlooks spread faster than positive moods. It's as if they become weights–or yokes–we carry around with us.

Staying "up" is possible

That speaker laid out an effective technique that can turn us around when we're feeling down. All that's required is a pen and paper and a few minutes of time to think as we make some lists.

People choose their own names for their lists. For example, "My gratitude list," "Things I'm thankful for," or "Things I'm happy about."

Write your choice(s) as a heading at the top. Then think of at least ten things that fit. For example, maybe you're in a hard place right now, but did you wake up this morning? Could you taste what you ate? See the colors in the landscape outside your window?

You get the idea. Use the same technique with people. Try making a list of your husband's good points–and write at least ten things, even if you have to dig for them.

One woman in the group asked, "Right now I'm so frustrated with that man I can't think of anything he does right except he rinses out the sink after he brushes his teeth. Does that count?"

Our speaker replied, "Absolutely. Start small. Don't be looking for big things like, 'My husband always shares his feelings with me' or you may never find ten things to be thankful for."

We all laughed, but he made a good point

Do the same for each child, even–or especially–the one who's giving you trouble right now.

The point of it all is that we fail to see individuals as they are. We forget to notice what's good in the people around us. Instead, we fixate on what annoys us and before long, we can't see the person's good qualities and kind actions.

It's time to take off the blinders. Prepare to be surprised, because listing reasons to be thankful will turn out to be fun and you'll be making more lists.

This pays a lovely dividend, too. Once we switch perspectives we become more aware of what's good and right and true. We appreciate the people in our lives more. When that happens, especially when we tell them so, they relax and appreciate us back.

Before long we take a fresh look at our world–and it's good

Before long we realize our "turkey" has a beauty we had shut our hearts to.

Sooner or later we come to understand that for awhile, we got stuck on this individual's minuses instead of pluses.

How do I know this works? More than once, I've seen how it works. Why not try it yourself? Betcha you'll like it!

Meanwhile, let's keep in mind that God creates individuals, not carbon copies

So why do we keep laying our expectations on each other?

Each of us is a mix. I've learned over the years that what I judge to be missing in a person often turns out to be a strength, a quality God can–and does–use in ways I never ever envisioned.

(This turns out to be true for each of us, even ourselves.)

Encouragement for your journey

If you're like me, you find it easier to work on a better outlook when you find the same or similar truths in the Bible. Let me share some reassurance from God's Book.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

(Jesus said) "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him , he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

P.S.

One more thing comes to mind. Years ago someone's turn of phrase caught my attention and stayed in my mind. I've found it to be true in every relationship, in every part of life. One thing never changes:

"What you look for is what you will find."

(I guess this means I need to take my own advice and that long-ago "turkey" in the hair salon probably was an otherwise-nice woman who just needed to talk … )

Here's to looking for the good in people and in our lives,

Lenore

Tame the “turkeys” in your life

August 16, 2021
In this ever-churning world, how do we stay calm?

Years ago, during one of our weekly family trips to our public library, I picked up a book with an enticing title: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, by Dale Carnegie.

Once I started reading it, his use of one phrase grabbed hold of me:

"Live in day-tight compartments."

Five unremarkable words, yet they kept playing in my mind. Later I realized they echo Psalm 118:24, which I learned as a child:

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  ESV

I had repeated those beautiful words many times, but for whatever reason, they had not yet "sunk in."

This time, they did and changed the way I looked at life.

Life sometimes seems like too much to handle

Those five words hit me because they so neatly summed up what I needed to do. At the time, I was a busy young wife and mom who seldom sat down and never, ever got through my To Do list.

Don't get me wrong. Our life brimmed with joy and hard work and the blessed sound of four little girls giggling. I loved my husband and our kids with all my heart.

I had everything to be thankful for–and I truly was–but I often felt overwhelmed.

In quiet moments that nuisance inner voice whispered, "Are you sure you have what it takes? What about all you have to do tomorrow? And next week? And what will you do when all these girls become teenagers?"

Outwardly, I smiled. Inwardly, I low-level simmered with self-doubt.

Finding a new perspective

"Live in day-tight compartments" showed me a better way to think.

Carnegie used the analogy of an ocean liner, in which the captain shuts off any leaking compartments to keep the vessel afloat.

The rest of us can live that way, too, he says over and over.

Here's how. We close the door on yesterday and its failures, as deliberately as we shut the door to a room. Then–just for today–we block out our "what ifs" and fears and worries about the future.

That leaves this day, the one we actually are living in, the one the Lord has given us. From this 24 hours we determine to squeeze out every drop of joy and satisfaction.

What about problems and troubles? Carnegie promises any of us can deal with anything for one day. What sinks us is wondering how we will get through tomorrow and the day after that.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized he spoke truth. It sounded too simple, but then, great truths often are.

Jesus said it first

Remember the Sermon on the Mount? In Matthew, chapters 5-7, Jesus addressed the crowds. His words come loaded with wisdom for living, like:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 NIV

Jesus taught this centuries before Carnegie's "day-tight compartments." His words imply we are to leave our "woulda, coulda, shouldas" in the past, as well, simply because they are history.

As for our nameless fears about the future, they don't belong in this day, either. Deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

Substitute prayer for worry

Prayer is simply talking to God, openly sharing what's on our hearts, giving him the whole load of it. The goods, the bads and yes, sometimes the uglies of it.

For many of us, prayer weaves through every part of our lives.

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 ESV

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

I learned a lot from books but oh, so much more from spending time in the Bible and participating in good Bible studies. I discovered treasures like Philippians 4:5-7, which I copied onto a sticky note and posted it on my bathroom mirror. Here, it's from the J. B. Phillips paraphrase:

Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.

Trust-worthy words that can change your life

If you're looking for words with power to change your life and give you peace, turn to the Bible.

Skeptics and naysayers have challenged and ridiculed and argued about it on all sides, yet the Bible endures over the centuries. What's more, no one has found any errors in it. In fact, recent findings by today's archaeologists simply back up the dates and facts as given.

Perhaps you've tried to read it, but didn't or couldn't understand.

Try again. Ask God to open your understanding, then start with the Gospel of Matthew or the Gospel of John. Take your time, but stick with reading it–and I promise, it will get easier.

If you have a smart phone or computer you can download the Bible through one of the many Holy Bible apps that offer the NIV or ESV translations, as well as others. Then you will hear the text, word-for-word all through the Bible, read by excellent narrators.

What next? Live out biblical truths as best you can and trust the Holy Spirit to gently change you from the inside out so that you will feel peace and calm within. Find a church where the Bible is front-and-center and held up as God's Truth, without error and reliable, and where you feel the joy as people of faith come together.

Will you still have questions and struggles? Probably, either ongoing or from time to time, because life goes on and none of us is perfect. Will they swamp your "boat?"

Never. You'll keep growing and you will notice less stress within.

Self-help vs. faith-on-the-grow

Carnegie and countless other writers teach principles and techniques. They tell us we have control over our thoughts and attitudes, not vice versa.

The trouble is, each one maintains that WE can change ourselves if we just try hard enough.

The truth is, we all need help and inner change is an inside job.

The Bible tells us again and again that when we trust in Jesus, his Holy Spirit in our hearts gently changes us from the inside out. Changes us for real.

Jesus said in John 10:10b:

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." NIV

Consider the Bible a storehouse filled with good words for living. Words that can transform your life because they testify of God's grace in Jesus Christ, the Savior.

By now I've lived long enough to know this goes way beyond theory. This is truth. Take these words to heart, my friend, and be at peace.

God bless you,

Lenore

To raise your quality of life, start with these five words

August 5, 2021
This may sound a bit outlandish, but hang in there and read on. I promise there's a logical connection.

Did you ever notice how quickly we pick up on it when someone criticizes us or seems to judge us negatively?

Praise may inhabit the same sentences, but we miss that.

In one effortless leap, we pounce on the negative and camp out.

The thought lingers like pesky grains of beach sand that refuse to rub off or wash off.

I wonder what she meant by that?

How can he expect me to …?

Who does she think she is?

We brush the offender away, but it returns in the middle of the night, unbidden.

Always, we choose what to do with it

We can keep it, nurse it and turn it into a pet.

We can blow it up until it blots out the rest of our otherwise good life.

If we take either path, this thing will grow into hardness of heart and that becomes as unyielding as a chunk of granite.

Before long we develop a worrisome habit and find intentional slights and hurts lurking in every conversation. It doesn't matter whether anyone else agrees. We know what that speaker meant.

Good advice from a wise friend for how to handle times like this

A Bible teacher once laid out some strategies about this topic to our group.

Hold your perception up to the light and examine it as objectively as you can. Discard what you know is false.

Pluck out any truth you find and weigh its worth. If you need to, swallow hard and face it.

Consider carefully before you speak up, knowing you have no power to change another person's mind.

State the facts calmly, without heat. Without argument.

Apologize when you know you need to, even if it doesn't feel comfortable. Do it for your own clear conscience and your peace of mind.

Decide to leave your wounded pride at the cross–and don't pick it up again.

Pray for a heart of love toward the one(s) who hurt you.

Let's learn from the oyster

Oysters that take in pieces of grit may form pearls of incredible luster over time. Similarly, irritating experiences can produce something beautiful in us.

If we let them.

All it takes is letting go of our pain and leaving it behind at the cross. (Yes, I know that's hard.)

Listen to what Jesus told his followers in John 10:10:

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

The full life. Peace of mind and heart. Joy down deep, where it lasts and where it matters.

Speaking of Jesus …

It's not that long since Christians all over the world celebrated Easter. Why do we mark this wonderful event every year? Here's why, in a nutshell:

Jesus came. He lived and died, really died. Three days later He burst out of his grave, fully alive, and in his human body He walked and talked to many people. He ate with His friends. By His life and death Jesus made peace between us and God. He came to make us new and set us free from the power of sin in our lives. That's what Easter is all about–and Jesus came for all people.

And that's why we can be at peace, with no need to take offense when someone else sounds critical of us. It doesn't matter and our self-esteem need not be diminished one bit. We have all we need in Jesus.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. John 3:16-17 ESV

That's why we Christians rejoice over Easter.

That's why we can forgive others when they unintentionally–or even intentionally–speak thoughtless words that hurt us. In Jesus we can let it go and pay no attention..

Life is too precious to waste on hurt feelings. Let's "grow pearls" instead.

Learning, too,

Lenore
What we can learn from the oyster

May 12, 2021
Some of us may be thinking that right now.

Camelot, the stuff dreams are made of.

Camelot, the mythical kingdom where the flowers always bloomed and the sun always shone. Perfection.

In that magical place no maiden ever felt a pang of distress for long because somehow, a brave knight always waited to rescue her–and just in time.

Ladies in elaborate gowns sipped tea and cakes–yet never had to boil or bake.

Never was heard an angry word and tranquility reigned, at least on the surface.

Ah, Camelot. Or if you prefer, Downton Abbey.

Either one will do–provided it comes with a downstairs staff and Mr. Carson.

The problem is, you and I live in the real world

With real people.

People we find hard to tolerate, not because they've harmed us but because, well, just because. Who needs more reason than that?

People with whom we may disagree. Strongly. Yet here we are living in the same world, maybe right next door to each other.

Business associates and political leaders–whoever they are–probably will let us down and we will chafe at them even being allowed to hold power of any kind.

On a personal level, sometimes even the best of us let each other down. Husbands fail wives and wives fail their husbands. Parents fail their children–and vice versa. Friends walk out of our lives and we don't know why.

All this is part of the human condition. If we expect any person in our lives to be perfect, it's a dream more elusive than Camelot.

And we set ourselves up to be disappointed because we human beings are, well, human. That is, flawed.

The trick is to stop looking "out there" and focus on what's good

Most of us can call to mind at least a few times we under-valued what we have. That's a waste. When we take it for granted we can forget we are blessed .

How we live, how we treat the people in our lives and the choices we make are within our control. That's true whoever we are and whatever our life situation.

Even if everything is stripped away, we still decide our outlook on life.

Will we keep a running list of what we lack or will we open our eyes to ways we are blessed?

It's our own four walls that spell home and warmth, not those stunning houses we see on HGTV.

It's the flesh-and-blood people in our lives who fill our hearts and give life meaning, not the "beautiful people" we may read about or admire on TV.

It's our own bodies and health we need to care for, whatever our shape or size and whatever the state of our health.

God gifts us with each day and that alone is reason to celebrate.

Perhaps it's time for a turnaround in our thinking

First comes the knowing. Then comes the will to appreciate who we are and what we have.

Can we change? Absolutely. We just need to take the Apostle Paul at his word.

[This is what the LORD says] "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" –Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! –2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

In Jesus Christ, we are new, with new eyes. And we can turn to him as long as there's breath in our bodies.

As for Camelot–or Downton Abbey–I'd love to visit sometime. But I wouldn't trade the joys and challenges of relating to real life and real people.

(Still, it would be nice to have a downstairs staff, don't you think?)

Blessings,

Lenore

Did someone mess up your Camelot?

November 4, 2020
"Strategies to make every day better." It sounds too simple, doesn't it?

I hear you saying, "If I'm having 'one of those days,' how on earth can I make it better?"

But you can, I can, we all can.

If we choose to grab hold of the power. Here's how.

1. Decide to make it a good day

When I was a young mom I read a book that challenged my thinking.

The author maintained that more than any other factor, our thoughts dictate the happiness level of our lives. Each day we decide it will be a "good" day or a "bad" day and then act accordingly.

Could that be true? I thanked God our life was good and I wanted to be a happy mama, but most days I was more of a dreary mama.

The next day I woke up in a lousy mood, then remembered what the author said. (Insert groan.) Okay, I would try it for myself. I would fake smiles and act cheerful and not expect much in return.

Surprise. My husband smiled back and kissed me more enthusiastically before he left the house. All day our children squabbled less and seemed happier. When problems arose instead of awfulizing and complaining to God, I murmured, "Lord, help me."

And one way or another, He did.

Looking around the dinner table each family member seemed more contented, including me. At bedtime even our balkiest child trotted upstairs without argument.

As for me, instead of my usual rundown of "what ifs" I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning I tested that far-out theory again, with the same pleasing results. I promised myself that every day I would decide to have a good day.

Over time that simple practice bore a lovely crop of good fruit in our marriage and our kids.

Did I slip up now and then? Sure. Then I would start over again, asking the Lord's ever-present help.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10 NIV

2. Believe you are–or will be–well and strong

At first this strategy made no sense. If I'm feeling achy or have an actual health problem, that's beyond my control. Right?

Not necessarily.

Chalk it up to how suggestible we all are. Healthy or not, any time we ask ourselves, "Where do I hurt?" we can find some area or body part that doesn't feel quite right.

Then we begin to wonder what it means, maybe even spend time on Google trying to figure it out.

That line of thinking guarantees we'll feel worse.

Even if we have chronic health problems, our thoughts make us feel better or worse.

Every time it helps to concentrate on, "I know God is with me and He will never leave me."

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

3. Choose to live love

Love is all about emotion. We're "in love" as long as we feel love toward another person.

Isn't that what we all believe and read and watch on the screen? (That's fiction, remember?)

To build something more lasting we do well to consider a basic principle of Marriage Encounter. It runs contrary to popular thought:

"Love is a daily decision."

Not a feeling. Not a mood. Not an emotion.

Every day we decide all over again to love. To speak and act in loving ways and work to strengthen our relationship.

We decide today to love the person our spouse is today.

If that sounds artificial, think back to before marriage. Didn't we take care to speak love and show love even on our bad days?

In every stage of life we can pick out what's good or fixate on what's missing. Whichever we choose will affect how we treat each other.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. –Ephesians 4:2-3 NLT

It's not rocket science

I wouldn't pretend I've lived these strategies perfectly and I'm not much for "programs." All I know is these principles changed me and changed my life for the better.

Whatever your situation, why not give it a try?

Lovingly,

Lenore

Strategies to make every day better

January 29, 2020