Category: Moms

Why not an Olympics ceremony where parents get medals, too?

Think about it. Olympic athletes start out as kids with dreams. They get immersed in intensive training long before they can drive. Someone has to get them from home to the practice facility.

Guess who.

Mom watches and cheers from the bleachers or dozes in her car. Every day she packs lunches, hands out Gatorade and energy bars and launders smelly towels and athletic duds. Her ready supply of hugs, encouragement and consolation never runs dry.

Take Debbie Phelps, for example. The mother of Michael Phelps, winner of eight gold medals, got him into swimming when he was age seven. Every day she chauffeured him and his two older sisters, also Olympics hopefuls, back and forth to the practice facility. Holidays? Vacations? Uh-uh.

Finding this kind of focus can be a godsend

Both mother and son have talked freely about Michael's early diagnosis of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Diagnosis.) She describes the young Michael as "a burst of energy . . . a local irritant."

Swimming became his release. Michael took to swimming naturally, perhaps because he turned out to have a mind and body just right for the sport. Debbie, a divorced mom, says she simply kept him pointed in the right direction.

(Any parent of an ADHD child would understand how much courage and determination that required.)

Debbie taught school for thirty years and is the principal of a Baltimore middle school. In recent years she became something of a celebrity in her own right. She believes every child needs an outlet. It doesn't matter whether it's sports or science, music or art, or a hands-on skill of some sort. Finding the activity that fits–and fills–is key.

When Tom Brokaw interviewed Debbie Phelps in 2008 she offered three principles of parenting.

Love your kids.

Steer them in the right direction.

Give them right values.

What's missing here?

I agree with Debbie Phelps' advice, but I think she omitted what enables a parent to carry out those three principles: faith in God.

Where can we find enough love to carry on despite frustrations and difficultes?

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.     –1 John 4:17

With distractions and competing experts on all sides, how can we know which direction is "right?"

Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.     –Psalm 119:105

How can we discern which values are "right?"

Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."     –-John 8:31

People have turned to the Bible for centuries, looking for answers. And finding them.

Better than gold medals

Loving through all the ups and downs takes all we've got and then some. Eventually most faithful moms and dads earn something much more satisfying than any medal. We can't hold it in our hands or display it in a trophy case, but it's real.

The warm glow it brings starts the first time we look at our adult children and realize we not only love them, we like them.

Trust me, that's a lasting reward worth all the love and effort you give.

Love,

Lenore
When will they start giving gold medals to moms?

July 25, 2012
You've probably seen that TV commercial of the mother and her college-bound daughter in the cell phone store.

Both of them talk and weep at the same time, so their words get lost. Daughter tries to reassure her "Hover Mother" they won't be out-of-touch, while the (male) clerk remains mystified. mystified.

Google "hover mothers" or "helicopter parents" and you'll find pages of reading from all over on this hot topic

Hovering starts early

One account described parents who carefully choose a safe neighborhood near schools. Then they declare it's "too dangerous" for their children to walk or bicycle to school alone. They say, "I just want to be sure you're safe, Honey."

What would any normal child conclude? Life is scary.

Maybe that accounts for the twice-daily traffic jams In our quiet, low-crime community at the beginning and end of every school day. Sunshine or rain, cars line up for blocks along tree-lined streets. Watchful moms–and some dads–wait near the crossing guards, ready to walk their kids home. (Parents of middle- and high-school students wait down the street, as instructed.)

Good intentions may be misguided

Planting fear makes children feel powerless.

Our call as loving parents is to help our kids grow strong within themselves.

Instead of hovering, we get our child ready for the "what ifs" of life. Talking it through and offering specific actions can produce courage and calm thinking, like youngsters in news stories who escaped harm by running away, screaming loudly or calling 911.

Somebody helped them be mentally prepared.

Love doesn't gallop to the rescue every time our child calls. Take the youngster with a habit of "forgetting" crucial homework or even lunch. No more lectures. No more temper. First comes a warning, then one rescue. After that Mom says, "Sorry, Sweetie. You're on your own. Talk to your teacher and see what you can work out."

Call it tough, or label it a taste of how the world works. A learning step toward being responsible.

We stay tuned, but from a distance. It's as if we hold up a sign that reads, "We believe in you!" If they stumble, we pick 'em up, give 'em a hug and encourage them to try again.

As Christian moms we want our child's long-term best. Working through situations like this on their own imparts the sense they can deal with whatever comes.

Our mission as parents is to love our kids and let them go

Teens and young adults learn to make wise decisions by (sometimes) making unwise decisions. We allow them to try–and sometimes fail–and learn.

Is this easy? No! Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing we've ever done. The near-hysterical mom in the cell phone commercial would be the type who delivers daily wake-up calls to her child's dorm room. (Yes, it happens.)

Moms feel separation anxiety, too. We look at the years we invested in protecting our child, wanting to make sure she grows up with only happy memories. We wonder how our beautiful children can get along on their own.

If not before, now's the time.

Setting our children free, ready and willing to live without us, bestows a love gift that keeps on giving.

Moms never stop praying

We love our children best when we leave "hovering" to the One who knows the end before the beginning. He never takes His watchful eyes off our loved ones and He knows what they need most. Our task is to keep on praying and trusting.

Here's a Bible verse to encourage us:

. . . The prayer of a righteous [mother} is powerful and effective. –James 5:16 NIV (If you don't feel "righteous enough," read Romans 3:22-24 and 5:19.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

Mother love that strengthens our children

May 21, 2012
We moms pray for our kids all their lives, that God would keep them safe. But have you ever prayed about cinnamon?

Yep. Turns out it has become a real danger for preteens and teens.

Oh, it's not the cinnamon on a yummy breakfast roll or a piece of fragrant cinnamon toast that causes problems.

Rather, it's "the cinnamon challenge," which at first sounds silly and harmless, like many acttivities that catch on with adolescents.

This one goes beyond risky to extremely dangerous.

How could common, wonderful-smelling cinnamon be a hazard? Melissa Arca, M.D., laid out the facts in her Sacramento Bee article of April 10, 2012.

According to Dr. Arca, the cinnamon challenge amounts to a public dare–and what adolescent can resist a dare? That's part of the problem. The other part is it doesn't sound particularly hazardous, even to adults. What could be so bad about swallowing a simple tablespoon of dry cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything?

Here's the catch. Cinnamon cannot be dissolved by saliva alone.

Dr. Arca says once a person has that much dry cinnamon in their mouth and tries to swallow it, gagging and choking immediately follow. What's more, the choking usually leads to vomiting and sometimes, to aspirating cinnamon into the lungs. Lung collapse may follow, or pneumonia. Some who try it even end up on a ventilator. Kids with asthma are extremely vulnerable and could experience a severe attack.

She advises immediate medical intervention, which strikes me as an unrealistic statement. What kid would try this while their pediatrician–or parent–stands nearby?

Because Dr. Arca stated that poison control centers report a recent spike in calls about the cinnamon challenge, I checked the website of the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

They AAPCC issued a press release warning dated March 28, 2012. In it they explain that powdered or ground cinnamon quickly coats the mouth and throat, which interferes with swallowing . Breathing difficulty follows and teens may unintentionally breathe the spice into their lungs. This can cause pneumonia and/or a serious attack for asthmatics.

Social media takes it viral. Again

Predictably, teens and preteens want to post "funny" videos of themselves or someone else attempting to pull it off on their cell phones or on YouTube.

That's why you can Google "the cinnamon challenge." It has its own website, Facebook page and Twitter handle.

Even Wikipedia lists "cinnamon challenge." That entry notes that cinnamon contains coumarin, a moderately toxic chemical compound. It also notes that European health agencies have warned against ingesting "large amounts" of cinnamon.

We might write this off as a fad, just more amusing antics of the young if it weren't life-threatening.

Building in strength to resist dares like these

Most parents, grandparents and caregivers already warn youngsters over and over about the need to be cautious and careful. Every day in every way.

(As you've probably noticed, kids specialize in tuning out such lectures.)

It seems to me a more hellpful strategy is to aim our efforts at helping our kids develop inner strength–and the sooner, the better. That means talking to our children from little on about making good choices. It helps if they see us living this out ourselves.

No way can we keep our kids in a cage, like exotic birds. They're growing up in the real world. Moms and dads need to equip them to live in it.

Teach them the line you probably heard from your mom:

It doesn't matter what someone else does or says, it's up to YOU to choose what you will do.

It's as true now as ever.

Talk empowerment instead of restrictions

Especially during their adolescent years, youngsters ache to belong. Some habitually look around them to see what others are doing, then mimic it. Blame it on the desire to be popular or on fear of being left out.

At any age, real strength and freedom come from within, from quietly knowing who we are and what we stand for. If our children have a faith background they'll have an advantage during adolescence. Christian kids learn early on about the difference between right and wrong. They also hear often that God loves and forgives them even when they mess up.

Helping our kids establish and rely on their inner standards is like equipping them with inner armor. Knowing what's good and right and true gives them a sure path through the hazards that lurk all through these preteen and teen years.

Hazards like the cinnamon challenge, all the things youngsters will view as fun, nothing more.

Maybe that's why we keep on praying.

Blessings,

Lenore

Moms, did you know cinnamon could be dangerous?

April 13, 2012
Mention the word, "spanking," and people go ballistic.

One loving parent says, "I think spanking is barbaric!" Another, just as loving, says, "Sometimes spanking is the only way I can get their attention."

Surveys indicate a majority of young children in this country are spanked regularly.

Experts and professionals who show up on TV and write articles in magazines mostly rail against the evils of spanking. They often cite studies that seem to prove

physical punishment leads children to become more aggressive.

One "doctor mom" who writes in our local newspaper believes children should not be spanked. Period.

You and I read articles like this and think, Well, she ought to know."

All parents need to do, she says, is practice positive reinforcement and validate the child's feelings. As an example she explains even 2-year olds can understand–once you explain–why they must not touch a hot stove. You listen, you allow them their feelings, you set boundaries and voila!

Why parents sometimes feel threatened

A mom told about taking her three rambunctious boys to McDonald's. They did what preschool boys always do. Jabbed and poked and teased in the waiting area and swung on the shiny railing.

Once they got settled in their booth, the boys started in again. Kicking under the table. Older brothers calling the youngest a baby" and him whimpering. Trying to gross each other out, which called for a collective, "Eww!"

Then she noticed everyone else in the place watching them and frowning, clearly disapproving.

"Rick wanted to settle them down with a little swat on their behinds. I really thought one of that crowd might report us to Child Protective Services, so we gathered up our food and kind of slinked out."

For the record . . .

My husband and I agreed spankings would be rare at our house and they were. Each of our four girls, however, got at least one.

We lived along a straight-shot country road with a dip in it, so drivers would not have seen a toddler in time to stop. With a roomy fenced yard, our kids had plenty of room to run. That's why every single day I warned them, "You must not go outside the yard! Do you understand me?"

And every one of them stole out of our yard at least once.

So I would swoop down on our pint-size adventurer and administer five or six swats right away. It wasn't anger that drove me, but fear for their lives. I had to be able to trust these little girls would stay in our roomy, well-fenced yard, even when I wasn't on hand.

By then we both would be crying. I would hug her and kiss her and not bring it up again.

Know the "why" and know yourself

Spanking our children is hard–and it should be, I think. And we need to be sure we're not just trying to show we're bigger and more powerful than our kids.

I know now that it was good we kept spankings rare in our family. Our girls got the message that Mommy and Daddy are in charge and family rules are meant to be kept.

(P.S. It's good to get that established early, while you're the tall one.)

God bless you,

Comments?

To spank or not to spank, that is the question

March 2, 2012
Most of us could use a transfusion of smiles and energy about now. So sit back, put your feet up and watch these beautiful children. You won't want to miss a move.

Even if you've seen this before, I promise it will make you smile all over again and give you an energy lift.

Fifth-graders who live in the Yupik Eskimo village of Quinhagak, Alaska, pop. 555 at the 2,000 census, put this together as a school computer project, intended for other Yupik villages in the area.

By now more than 1,200,000 people have viewed this performance of the "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's Messiah.

Take a moment to marvel at what God can do with the work of one individual.

In 1741, George Frideric Handel considered himself something of a failure. Then he composed the entire score of Messiah over a period of 24 days. He is said to have felt God gave him the music, but he could not predict how this music would endure.

He could not have imagined that 360 years later, Eskimo children in a small Alaskan village would treat us to this creative performance accompanied by a choir singing the "Hallelujah" chorus.

Tthe teacher of this class in that small Eskimo school could not foresee anyone in any other place would ever see this video.

There's a lesson here for you and me

As individuals and as moms and dads we cannot know what God will do with our work–or our child's work.

Handel composed many other musical works, but only his "Hallelujah" chorus is sung and hummed all over the world. His Messiah is performed every Christmas season by choruses and choirs in huge cities and in tiny villages on every continent. At the time he could not have guessed the value of his work.

I can't help thinking of this Bible verse.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. –Ephesians 2:10

That verse wasn't aimed only at Handel and other famous people. It speaks to you and me, too.

Think you're on a treadmill and going nowhere?

Perhaps today you question the value of your life. Maybe you're facing your first Christmas alone after losing a loved one.

If you're a mom, your family most often notices what you do when you don't do it. Put a positive spin on that. Being taken for granted also means your family knows they can count on you.

Forget looking elsewhere to find your particular "good works." You're living with them. What's more, the family life you create, the love you pour into your days will live on in your children. Every day you are coloring their lives–and their picture of life.

Joy comes from giving ourselves fully and from knowing that what we do matters, whether we see the end result or not. God is faithful. What we do in faith will live on, one way or another.

Believe it. Let that truth put fresh energy in your tired body.

Then look again at the smiles on the faces of those Eskimo school children and sing Hallelujah! in your heart.

Someone needs us, needs our kind words, needs our encouragement. Those are gifts, too.

Now, let's enjoy this wonderful Christ-mas season of giving ourselves,

Lenore

Declare a “joy break” and refresh your heart

December 16, 2011
Maybe you know one.

Maybe you are one.

I can hear you saying, "Yeah, sure."

Well, I'm not kidding. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes and ages. Sometimes they're in the spotlight and their stories make the news.

Most of the time, however, nobody notices.

Think about the dads–and moms–who go off to work every day, mostly without complaint. Consider the ones who got a pink slip. They could sink into a heap on the floor, but they don't. Instead, they look at the people they love and keep going.

Include the ones who every day they wave a smiling goodbye to their spouse and their children, then go back inside and clean up the fallout of family life. All day, every day, they do a few of the million things it takes to keep a family going.

Hardly anyone pays much attention.

Living with uncertainty

Over the four years I've known one married couple who have lived with precarious paychecks. You would never guess that by their smiles. They always talk about how God watches over them. These two model unwavering faith, especially for their three children.

Don't forget the moms and dads who know the pain of watching their child struggle, whether with school, with drugs or emotional illness, or just with living. These parents sought out the most-qualified professionals they could find, but see little to no progress. Time passes with little evident progress, yet they keep on praying and encouraging, keep on believing.

Who can imagine the anguish of watching your child suffer through a serious, perhaps life-threatening illness? Some care for failing spouses or parent(s.) Even as sadness depletes their emotions and exhaustion saps their strength they pour out love, all the while mourning what was and will never be again.

Some heroes wear uniforms and serve in the Armed Forces. All the while their wife or husband or parent(s) prays fervently and waits. They may return home alive, but injured, changed, whether emotionally or physically. On the long road back all the wife or husband or parent can do is keep on loving and keep on praying.

Heroes, every one of them.

Take a closer look in the mirror

See that hero looking back at you?

You're a hero because you stay, no matter what, and keep on loving, being faithful. Whatever may be missing in your life, every day you decide again to keep on loving as if. As if you were fulfilled. As if your husband or your son or daughter displayed every quality you once envisioned.

You do this because you promised. Because God made you a mom.

You often think you don't do enough. You cry over the times you get impatient or lose your temper. You pray, because you know you're not strong enough on your own.

God sees. He knows. Here's a promise for those days you feel overwhelmed.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. –Isaiah 40:28-31

Lovingly,

Lenore

Search out the heroes around you

November 30, 2011
Every day children absorb messages about sex, either implied or in-your-face.

They soak them up from Mom and Dad. From TV cartoons and sitcoms. From the neighbors and from what teachers say and do, as well as from sex education classes.

Truths and errors drip into young minds. Kids fit them together like pieces of a puzzle and come up with their picture of what it means to be a "male" or a "female."

Prescription: Start early to lay a solid foundation

It's not possible to grab our kids and run because, well, we live in the world.

Our best strategy is to help our sons and daughters lay down solid footings on which they can build sound lives.

Call this equipping what it is: your privilege.

It's never too early and never too late. You will bless your children for life.

The idea is to make this part of casual everyday conversations. Help your children know the values you hold. Talk about the "whys" as well as the "what."

Arm your kids with the truth about sexuality and with right values. "Sexuality" and "sexual identity" go beyond body parts and sexual intercourse and involve the whole person. Males and females think differently and respond differently, both in body and mind.

Our Creator built that into us.

Are there variations between one male and another male? One female and another female? Of course, but none so striking as the differences between one gender and the other.

Mom and Dad are teaching all the time

Have you noticed that youngsters pay the most attention when you're not talking to them?

Your kids watch Mommy and Daddy and think that's how males and females are supposed to relate. When you treat each other with respect and speak well of each other, you give them a strong model to live by. Your love pats and long kisses bear witness that being married offers a lasting attraction.

What kids observe at home, day after day, outweighs whatever they may be taught in sex education classes.

Even teenagers, in numerous surveys, overwhelmingly name their parents as their most important influence.

What else can you do?

Make it a point to watch allowed television shows with your family, so you can help your kids catch innuendos and blatant sexual messages and identify sexy clothing. Talk about shows after they end. See if your kids picked up subtle messages and correct wrong impressions.

As you help your youngsters connect the dots they'll develop their own internal filters. Over time your children will begin to look and listen to life's pressures with better judgment, even when you're not around. They'll be wiser as they use their computer(s) and all the other techie marvels.

Tell it like it is

From the beginning, use the correct terminology. (If you're not sure what that is, buy a reliable book written from a Christian perspective.)

Whatever you say, frame it in the context of God's perfect design. If you read the first two chapters of Genesis, you'll notice He saved the best for last: Adam and Eve. Human beings. He told them to be fruitful and increase in number.

God saw all that he had made and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning–the sixth day. Genesis 1:31

As Christian parents, help your children develop God's view of sexuality. His good gift. Too precious to be squandered in thoughtless and casual ways.

Too wonderful to waste.

You can do it!

God gave you your children, more of his good gifts. He would not entrust you with your ohildren without empowering you for your task.

Peace and joy,

Lenore

Teaching your kids about sex. When, where, by whom?

September 30, 2011