Tag: Parenting

  • Dear Moms,

    Trust me: It's all worth it!

    You recognize the sweet moments of mothering for what thBlog. Mom cooking w. child. 7.11ey are.

    Here's what I know now that I missed when our children were growing up:

    The not-so-sweet moments are worth just as much. 

    From this vantage point I understand that every day is a "puzzle piece" in the whole of your life.

    Those "nothing days" add depth you can't recognize in the middle of making a life. The tiresome, mundane stuff you do every day just because you're a mom are necessary to complete the design.

    It's easy to lose sight of that in the middle of changing one more poopy diaper. Or mopping up spills on the floor you just cleaned. (Why can't it stay clean at least one day?) Or listening to another recital of, "Mommeee, look what he did to me!" followed by, "It's not my fault. She started it!"

    I confess that too often I forgot that the chaos was happy chaos and forgot to appreciate that my life was good and rich and full. 

    Maybe you do, too.

    Keep the Big Picture in Mind

    I know now that every day counts, even those days so pointless or frustrating you could scream. You are leaving tracks on your child's tomorrows, one tiny bit at a time.

    The old truth, "More is caught than taught," applies here.

    Mom love often looks like cleaning up and mopping up. Loving and praying for strength. Cooking and packing lunches. Throwing smelly clothes into the washer. Loving and praying for patience. Chauffeuring kids and cleaning up messes and loving. Praying to know what to do. Forgiving and forgetting. Loving. Praying. Falling into bed exhausted and starting over the next morning.

    Take a fresh look. See your life for what it is: a work-in-progress

    That's fitting, since your children, too, are a work-in-progress. 

    Every part of every day, they're growing.

    Whatever stage they're in, they are in the process of becoming.

    You are, too.

    So relax

    Let go of straining to "do it right." Forget keeping track of how many boxes you can check on the latest "Effective Parenting Techniques" list.

    Your kids are following you around, watching how you role-model dealing with everyday life. Every day they conduct their own comparison study on whether what you do matches what you say. 

    That's what they'll remember–and copy–as they live their lives.

    Please take that as encouragement. If you're loving your kids and forgiving them when they mess up and accepting them for who they are, that's what they'll remember.

    And you are not on your own. Just ask God to show you the way to love your family as they need to be loved and to give you strength for the day. You can trust Him to be faithful.

    So just love your kids and be yourself. It's okay not to be The Coolest Mom on the Block. 

    Take the Long View

    Will it all be good? Maybe not. You might travel through some rough patches or trying years. One child may be extra hard to handle or have special needs that don't go away. Another may develop big problems you hadn't noticed earlier. Your teenager or young adult child may disappoint you. Or worry you. Or drive you to your knees.

    Not one of us wants our children to struggle, but it doesn't mean God has walked away.

    From the struggle may come the strength, for them and for you.

    Remember, He's growing you, too.

    Where to turn when you feel overwhelmed

    Don't hang around in risky territory, such as thinking I can't take any more of this. You can get stuck in that quicksand.

    Take charge of your thoughts. (I promise it gets easier with practice.) 

    Focus your attention on the privilege of rearing the children you've been given. Even on your most trying days, remember this: 

    God gave you your children because you are just right for each other.

    Some days you may run on empty

    That's the time to put the good stuff in. Find some Bible verses that speak to your heart and fill your mind with them. I find it helps me to change my mindset if I repeat favorite Bible verses to myself.  

    Here's a favorite Bible verse you probably know. I underlined it in my Bible years ago and it still speaks to me when I'm feeling weary. 

    He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:29-31

    Dear friends and fellow moms, breathe in that strength that never runs out and hang on. You are right where you're supposed to be and every day counts.

    Take it from one who found it to be true: It's all worth it!

    Love from my heart to yours, 

    Lenore 

    A love note to moms, the real movers and shakers

  • We all carry around within us a self-image that traces to words.  

    Good words and not-so-good words, usually from someone we looked up to. Blog. Dad. Family. 6.18
    Dads. Moms. Other family members. Teachers. Coaches.

    If your memories of childhood only make you smile, you're blessed.

    Many were not so fortunate. Maybe you've spent most of your life trying to forget what someone said or the name(s) they called you. 

    The people we love and respect hold the power to wound us most deeply, whether deliberately or unintentionally.

    Some of us heard words like these as we were growing up 

    • "You make me sick!"  
    • "Can't you ever do anything right?" 
    • "You've always been a loser and you're headed for trouble, I just know it." 

    Words like these lodge deep down within a child or teenager and cloud their view of themselves and what's possible. 

    Even between adults this kind of talk can poison self-esteem and shred the fabric of a marriage.

    In some families–or marriages–hurtful remarks are so routine it may appear no one is paying attention to what's said. That doesn't mean they slide off us like rain on a windowpane. Our careless words can sting and leave scars, even–or perhaps more so–if we hear them all the time and think we're tuning them out.

    (And have you noticed how one biting word leads to an even worse response?) 

    You and I are not immune simply because we're Christians. As usual, the Apostle Paul had something to say about this:

    Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.    –Ephesians 4:29  (NIV)

    The past is behind us, but the future lies ahead

    It's important to know we don't have to carry around those old negative labels and messages for the rest of our lives. You are not the labels someone else hung on you!

    You are you. Not perfect, but on the grow.

    So dig out that old list and look at those rocks of desperation in the light of adulthood. Let them shrink down to their appropriate size, which will be close to zero.

    (If you can't shake them yourself, schedule a few visits with a licensed counselor.)

    After that do an honest self-assessment. If you're comfortable with it, show it to people who know you well and will give you an honest read on who you are. Let them tell you who you are.

    Then believe it!

    What if within our own family we specialized on life-giving words?

    No parent–or spouse–is perfect, but we can change. At any age. Or rather, God can change us and we can grow into a person who speaks life.  

    Life-giving words can change lives.

    Let's be clear. "Life-giving words" are not the same as the practice of telling children, "You're amazing!" for every little thing.

    What truly helps youngsters feel good about themselves and builds their self-confidence is when we compliment their honest efforts and can smile even when they come out on the losing side. That's the time to say, "I was proud of you today. You played a good game!" (Or, "You tried really hard and that will pay off.")

    The great thing–and a hard thing–is that we parents need to pay attention so our words count. "I know you studied and you did your best on that test, so I'm proud of you." "I saw you being kind to your little sister just now and that makes me proud of you and your generous heart." 

    This kind of compliment helps kids know what matters most. They'll stand a little taller than before you spoke. Life-giving words also show that Dad or Mom value character more than simply coming out on top. 

    Our words gain authenticity when children can see that's how their parents live their lives, too. 

    It's not only children who crave words that give life

    Adults are just grown-up kids who live on a steady diet of pressure. No wonder husbands and wives hunger to hear good words from each other.

    But over time it's oh so easy to lose touch and to live as "married singles."

    Life-giving words nourish and strengthen the marriage bond, even when it seems to be gasping for life. Force-feeding sweet words feels phony–and it is. Steady and sincere love–in word and actions–is far more effective, recognizing from the start that new growth may take time.

    What kind of words?

    • "I know you have it within you to be a success at whatever you do."
    • "Thanks. I appreciate you."
    • "It means so much to know I can always count on you."
    • "I love you."

    Do you think a steady diet of such words would change the climate within a home–or send a youngster into the world feeling secure?

    (Would it make your heart smile if your wife or husband frequently spoke to you that way?)

    Again, Paul lays out our motivation. 

    Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness and patience. . . . And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. –Colossians 3:12,17  (NIV) 

    There you have it, the basis for all our words. Within our own homes, our own marriages and families, let's speak words that give life to the people around us.

    They're the gift that truly does keep giving–for life.

    Still growing, too, 

    Lenore

     

    Who told you who you are–and do you still believe it?

  • This time of year most older high-schoolers–and their parents–are tied up in knots about what comes next. Blog. Graduation hat. 6.11

    Everyone wants to make the absolutely right choice.

    College graduates are tense, too, looking for the absolutely perfect job.

    That could be a long wait.

    Recent graduates often feel dumped out in a world that's nothing like the dream they bought with their student loans. Some resign themselves to any job they can get that includes a regular paycheck. Others keep chasing their ideal.

    Life is hard. How many of us tell our kids that beforehand?

    1. Tell your kids the truth

    One columnist noted that today's graduates grew up with parents who continually asked, "How does that make you feel, Honey?"

    No wonder the world of employment offers a rude shock. Bosses seldom ask, "How do you feel about that?"

    Employers want employees to show up on time, stay until quitting time and get the job done well and on schedule. They concentrate on the bottom line because unless their business turns a profit, there's no money to stay in business.

    Or issue paychecks.

    We do our kids no favor when we groom them to expect life should feel cozy and warm, like a mommy's hug.

    2. Be a true friend to your children

    A good friend speaks truth, even when we don't want to hear it. Our children deserve the same from us.

    Sooner or later, most of us learn the no-nonsense foundation for success along the way. In school, in the job world, or even in our personal lives, here's the formula:

    W-O-R-K.

    Sounds hopelessly outdated, doesn't it?

    That's especially true after hearing commencement speakers–and parents–who so often tell young people, "Follow your bliss! Live for your dreams! Refuse to settle for less than what makes you happy!"

    Then someone will bring up Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, who became a billionaire at age twenty-seven.

    Reality check: How many Mark Zuckerbergs do you know personally?

    3. Plant good seeds, so your kids can harvest good fruit

    Love your children enough to speak lasting truth. Even in a dream job, they will have to prove themselves.

    Most employees start at the bottom. It will be a slow climb from there.

    They will not like parts of it. Guaranteed. Life is hard, remember? This is what hard looks like.

    A runner talked of training for a track meet. "Runners know you must keep your eyes on your goal. If you waver and look down at the track your energy goes to what's under your feet and you'll lose the race."

    To build a strong career, marriage or family we can't allow small annoyances to get us down. We need to fasten on what's good and let the other stuff go.

    4. Nail it home that a good life does not depend on having every dream come true

    Give your children a lasting gift. Tell them nobody has everything they want or everything as they want it to be. 

    Help them understand that individuals who expect that or insist upon it set themselves up for lasting discontent.

    Wealth and achievements can never fill our inner emptiness because there will never be enough of either.

    Happiness and satisfaction stem from how we look at life and from thanking God for our blessings.

    A grateful spirit is a contented spirit.

    5. Remember to pass on eternal truths

    Be sure your children learn about Jesus Christ, our Savior. Worship together as a family and cultivate friendships with other Christian families.  

    Faith is the real key to a fulfilling life and peace within.

    The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.  –Psalm 29:11

    Jesus said:

    "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."    –Matthew 6:33

    Life in the real world is unpredictable and the only solid Rock is Jesus.

    What we're talking about is helping our kids take on life without life getting the best of them. We moms and dads do that all along, little by little as we encourage them to keep trying and try again and to keep going. And we dole out love and hugs every chance we get.

    Parenting is a process that goes on as long as we live, even though it changes form over the years. 

    Call it what it is: Privilege. Blessing. Joy. 

    Thanking God, too, 

    Lenore

    Tell your kids the facts about life in the real world

  • Blog. father-catching-child. 6.10 Those of us in touch with the times know that kids do fine in any kind of family.

    The Experts have declared it so.

    They say it makes no difference if a youngster has two parents or one. Married or unmarried. Straight or gay. Whatever … it's all the same.

    Agree or disagree? 

    That's become a loaded question in our time. 

    I happen to believe fathers bring balance to a child's life 

    Picture the preschooler trying to go down a slide, but frozen by fear. Mommy says, "Oh, Honey, if you don't want to go down this time, I'll come help you get down. You can try another time."

    Daddy says, "Aw, c'mon. I know you can do it! Just shut your eyes and let go. I'll be here to catch you at the bottom."

    If the child comes down and bumps at the bottom, there'll be crying. Mommy rushes in with hugs and coos, "There, there, Sweetie, you'll be okay. You don't have to try that again until you're ready."

    But Daddy says, "Hey, that's a good start! Now just go up there and try again. You'll be so proud of yourself! Then we'll go celebrate with ice cream."

    And so it goes, all through life

    I think children benefit from both the soft, warm, nurturing comfort of Mom and the encouraging prods from Dad. 

    When I think of my dad I can't remember any deep, wise sayings. All I knew was he loved me. He loved my three sisters. And he loved my mom.

    My mom and dad often looked at each other as though there were no one else in the world. Early on I didn't understand it but I sensed that somehow it was wonderful.

    Now I realize their steadfast love blessed me and my sisters. 

    Love that lasts

    I never saw that love fail, not even through the last hard three years of my mother's life after she was diagnosed with A.L.S., otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. Mom died at age 54. 

    By then I had married and moved away, so I only saw them every couple of months. As my mother's condition slowly deteriorated I watched them cope with simple acceptance and quiet faith. 

    The same way they lived through all the years of their marriage.

    My dad cared for Mom and held life together as best he could for my two teenage sisters. All the while he continued to pastor the congregation of wonderful Christians he was called to serve.

    How did he manage it? I'm sure Dad would have said what the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:13:

    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  -NKJV

    Dad trusted Jesus and sought to live by the Bible he regularly taught and preached.

    That was who he was. I knew it then as more of a concept. Now I know by experience how Paul's words can put steel into a spine.

    In praise of imperfect fathers

    My dad wasn't perfect. Most of us can think of ways our fathers could be–or could have been–"better."

    Here's the thing: Being imperfect comes with being human. Imperfect is what we are, all of us. 

    You and I so easily fixate on what's missing. We forget that to simply be there adds stability to a youngster's life.

    If a father is someone his kids can look up to and count on he gives them a lifetime gift.

    Can we not rejoice over what is rather than bemoan what's missing?

    Can single parents raise strong, stable children? Absolutely. Especially if a mother makes sure her children spend time around good dads or father figures. (And vice versa, if it's a single dad.) It's tough to be a single parent, but many do a fantastic job. 

    Reason to celebrate

    Our perception of what our parents lived through is hazy, so our understanding is limited.

    It's time to forget their failures and thank God for what they did right. Every father who loves his children and offers a solid base they can count on is a blessing. (Ditto for every mother who does the same.)

    Be grateful–and say so–while you still can.

    Look for the joy, my friend, always,

    Lenore

     

    Related articles

    Why it helps us to remember what's good and right and true
    Keep Calm and Carry On: Still good advice
    Feed your marriage on "we" instead of "me" and watch it thrive

    What good are dads in a child’s life?

  • The only time we know how to raise children perfectly is before we have any.

    Why wouldn't that be true? God creates each child to be one-of-a-kind, Blog. Mom. Kids fighting. 5.14whether our children come to us by birth, by adoption, or because we marry a man who already is a dad.

    That plunges us into a lifelong process of stretching. Growing. Learning.

    We soon discover that being a mom means whatever else we may be involved in, our children remain constantly in our minds and in our hearts.

    Being a mom takes all we have and then some

    When our four daughters were growing up I loved them and every bit of our life, but I often felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities. 

    I never once wanted to quit, but I longed to find a better way. 

    About that time God sent an older friend who shared her philosophy of mothering: "A mother's job is to work herself out of a job–long before her children leave home."

    That "radical" thought made sense to me

    Along with feeding, clothing and teaching our children, we moms are to prepare them for life. We hear all the time that life is tough, even for kids. Away from us they're on their own, whether it's at child care or in school.

    When we help them develop inner strength we're living out the Golden Rule:

    [Jesus said] "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

    I can't think of a more loving and lasting gift we can give our children, can you?

    My husband and I decided to borrow my wise friend's principles of parenting. Before long we noticed the change in our family. It seemed we all liked each other more–and ourselves, too. Over the years we watched our daughters grew into strong adults.

    Those years taught me and became background for my latest book Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out

    This collection of short pieces can be read in snatches of time. Here's one to hang onto when you're feeling stressed. 

    —————————————-

    MADE FOR EACH OTHER

    Your family is no accident. God gave you to each other.

    Each child who calls you "Mom" was created just for you.

    God placed you together because you need each other.

    Let those sentences sink deep into your heart and your mind.

    This is true even when you have conflicts and diffficulties. Even if you are as different as plums and peanut butter. Even though it seems you always say or do the wrong thing with one of your children.

    Your Designer Kids need you, not the Ms. Flawless Mom who lives on the corner.

    And vice versa.

    You don't need the placid child next door, nor Super Kid across the street. You need that one who most often baffles you or challenges you.

    God tailor-makes our children to stretch us.

    To teach us.

    To grow us.

    Mothering opens our minds and strips away old, comfortable illusions about life.

    And about ourselves.

    Day after day, we're forced to cope. As we do, we may discover strengths we didn't know we had.

    Weaknesses too.

    No mom would label this process easy or comfortable. Growing pains never are.

    When you feel overwhelmed, reassure yourself with what you know. God put together the pieces of your family jigsaw puzzle according to His plan.

    It is a good one.

    So walk on, trust Jesus, and be at peace.

    Like your kids, you're in the process of becoming. Your heart will never shrink back to its original size.

    [The Lord says,] "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you."                                                                 —Jeremiah 1:5a

    (Excerpted from Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out, published by Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis.)

    Moms, if you feel in over your head, take heart. Every day you leave footprints on tomorrow.

    Blessings and love,

    Lenore

    articles

    Big news! I am expecting!
    Hey, moms, this one's for you
    So you have a strong-willed child? Rejoice!

    How to survive being a mom

  • Did you ever notice how many people talk about even very young children as if they were miniature adults? It seems to me they confer upon Blog. Kindergarten boy. 3youngsters way more self-control, maturity and judgment than kids are capable of at those ages.

    Well-meaning parents do it, too. No doubt you've heard someone ask a little one, "What shall we have for lunch today?"

    Lots of kids would be ready to shout, "Popsicles!" or "Gummi-Bears and M&Ms!"

    Then Mommy might answer, "But, Honey, you know we couldn't have that for lunch. That wouldn't be healthy!"

    Any reasonable child would be thinking, So why did you ask me if it doesn't matter what I say?

    Good point

    We do ask without really intending to take a child's answer seriously.

    Sometimes our questions put the child a decision-making position that belongs to the parent. I remember the earnest young working mom I talked to before school started. She and her husband were going on a cruise, which would end just past the beginning date of school in her area. The problem was that "Timmy," her oldest child, was enrolled in kindergarten and it would be underway before she returned.

    "So I just gave Timmy the choice," she said. "Did he want to wait for Mommy to come back and take him, so we could go into the school together and I could meet the teacher with him? Or did he want to go on his own, without Mommy? I told him if he waits, he'll miss out on lots of important stuff, like meeting other kids. 

    "I'm glad he decided to wait, so I can go with him on his first day, after all.

    "But it is his choice. After all, Timmy is five years old. That's old enough to make decisions about his own life."

    Do you agree?

    It seems to me that decision belonged to the parents, not their five-year-old. He simply hasn't lived long enough to know.

    That's not to say children should never have a voice. We give our kids a lifetime gift when we allow them to make age-appropriate choices. Little by little we increase the number of choices they get to make. By the way, that includes letting them live with the consequences (unless that would mean actual harm to them.) Always, we keep a watchful, protective eye–without hovering.

    All this helps them learn and grow into strong young individuals who can manage on their own. And isn't that our goal as parents?

    We need self-honesty, too

    I suspect that young mom wanted to be missed and needed, but right then her longing for a vacation outweighed the beginning of kindergarten.

    We're all wired the same way. We tend to think of our desires first. Being a parent keeps us shoving aside our wants and putting our kids first, but let's face it, we get weary. Growth is good, but sometimes it's not much fun.

    Sooo we cut ourselves some slack. We try not to ask our children questions unless we plan to take their answers seriously.

    We let our kids be kids.

    Through their growth–and ours–we keep on encouraging, keep on loving. 

    As the writer of 1 Peter said in chapter 4, verse 8 (NIV):

    Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

    Love,

    Lenore

     

    Related articles

    What does it take to make you laugh?
    Parenting: the lifelong growth opportunity
    Is it possible to live a Mayberry life for real?

    Don’t ask little people such big questions

  • When sweet, wholesome Hannah Montana becomes Miley Cyrus, what's a mother to do?


    Blog. Miley Cyrus. 9.13If you've been anywhere near a TV or your computer, you couldn't escape seeing shots of Miley Cyrus' performance at the MTV awards show. By all reports it was the opposite of sweet and wholesome.

    For years hordes of young girls adored squeaky clean Hannah Montana and so did their moms. So when squealing girls clamored for Hannah Montana lunch boxes and T shirts and all manner of clothing items and accessories moms and dads gladly shelled out hard-earned cash.

    What happened, anyway?

    First, Miley Cyrus is not the first Hollywood type to disappoint and I'm pretty sure she won't be the last. She craved attention and she got it.

    Second, actors act, remember? Hannah Montana was a character created by script writers and carefully maintained by the "Hannah Montana Industry."

    Since we can't ignore this, why not seize upon it?

    Instead of panic, why not use this for good?

    • Assume your kids have seen Miley's MTV performance, or at least bits of it, even if they haven't mentioned it.

    • Remind them that most of what we watch on-screen is acting, or at least, people reading from a script using a teleprompter.

    • Anyone who ever watched a filming knows contestants are instructed to be entertaining that is, loud. Even audience members clap and cheer when told to.

    • From now on your kids will be less gullible viewers of TV and movies. That's a good thing.

    Star role models have only temporary clout

    Researchers frequently interview teenagers and college students, asking who in their lives has been their greatest and most lasting influence.

    Results never vary. By an overwhelming majority young people name their mothers and/or their fathers.

    Let this sink in deep: You are your children's role model. For life.

    Even if they argue with you. Even when they seem to reject everything you say to them. Even though they tell you they can't wait to leave home.

    Sometimes that's hard to remember when our child wanders off on a tangent that may last awhile. Then we remind ourselves the end of their story has not yet been written and keep praying.

    Every day we leave footprints on tomorrow

    Always, what our kids see us do and hear us say matters more than our careful instructions on how to live and act. (That's true even when our children are grown.)

    If we're looking for how-tos, the Apostle Paul always gives good advice. Here's a snippet from Ephesians 4:29 and 32 (NIV.) 


    Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen . . . Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

    That's not a bad model for you and me within our own family, is it?

    Each family will live it their way and that's okay. God creates one-of-a-kinds, remember? 

    Learning, too,

    Lenore


    Related articles

    Do your kids a favor and tell them life is not fair
    Are we doomed to repeat the bad habits of our parents?
    Why banishing a couple of words can bring big rewards at home

    Which role models will your kids follow? You might be surprised

  • Twenty-four hour news sounds good, but there seems to be no escape. 

    The bad always outweighs the good, because every journalist knows that bad news sells.
    Dreamstime_xs_24201509 It becomes the background noise of our life and fear seeps into our subconscious.

    Think of the past few months. We can tune out faraway places, but what of the terror that comes closer to home?

    Movie-goers get mowed down in a Colorado theatre. School children in Newtown. Every school and college is on high alert, because some lone shooter may be ready to open fire.

    Then comes another Boston Marathon and what promised to be life returning to normal, even if just for a day. Then comes more horror. Bombs, killings and a major American City locked down in fear until the remaining shooter is found.

    Next a solid, unexciting fertilizer plant suddenly explodes in a quiet town in Texas. The blast kills at least 14 people and injures 200 or more, devastating a large section of West, population 2,500.

    That's Life in Twenty-first Century America

    Parents fear for their children. Schools are on high alert.

    Experts say to proect kids from viewing the violence. Parents ask how to do that when there's nothing else on television and every break carries a "teaser" for the news.

    How do we reassure our children when we're quaking inside? Where do we dredge up confidence when we have none left to give?

    The real question is, How do we live with this?

    I have no answers on my own, but I know where to look.

    In the Bible, of course. Hope and comfort thread through it from beginning to end. Take Psalm 121 for example, here from the New American Standard Bible: 

    I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
    From where shall my help come?
    My help comes from the Lord,
    Who made heaven and earth. 

    He will not allow your foot to slip;
    He who keeps you will not slumber.
    Behold, He who keeps Israel
    Will neither slumber nor sleep.

    The Lord is your keeper;
    The Lord is your shade on your right hand.

    The sun will not smite you by day,
    Nor the moon by night.
    The Lord will protect you from all evil;
    He will keep your soul.
    The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this day forward.

    Let's take our cues from the Word instead of the news

    Imagine if we read or spoke those words every morning instead of turning on the news to see what's happening now.

    Suppose every night at bedtime we quietly repeated these beautiful words to our children. Before long they'll be speaking them with us. Instead of saying, "Have a good day," we could let this blessing echo in the minds of our families.

    The point is if we regularly take in fear, we live out fear. Some of us have internalized this constant low-level anxiety for so long we think it's normal.

    It's even worse for children, because they don't understand it and feel even more powerless than adults. 

    That's not the way we're meant to live.

    In case you wonder, yes, I struggle with this, too. I can build a whole scenario on "What if . . . ?"

    (I'm a writer, remember?)

    Events of the past week remind us again that life holds risks and earthly protection sometimes fails. Our security rests in the One who watches over us and neither slumbers nor sleeps.

    So we can live–and sleep–in peace.

     

    Growing along with you and trusting the One who keeps us,

    Lenore

    Related articles

    What's "good" about Good Friday?
    So you have a strong-willed child? Rejoice!

    How do we stay strong in shaky times?

  • You probably remember last week's news story from Cranston, Rhode Island, where the High School principal banned the traditional Father-Daughter Dance.

    It started when a mother complained, "My daughter does not have an active father in her life, so she can't attend. "It's not fair!" Blog. B. Father.Daughter Dance. 9.12

    This same school district lost a court fight last January, so officials were skittish. They knew this one, too, might run up to several hundred thousand dollars in legal fees and court costs. They caved.

    Now at Cranston High, no more "gender-discriminatory" activities such as annual Father-Daughter Dances or Mother-Son Baseball Games, even though most students–and parents–previously looked forward to them.

    The ACLU commended the District for banning such "inappropriate" activities.

    Recapping the earlier case

    Another girl complained, "This school has a prayer mural painted on the auditorium wall. "I'm an atheist and don't believe in God, so it's not fair!" 

    When the school refused to remove it, mother and child went to the ACLU. They sued–and won.

    Now a canvas covers this mural. Except for its beginning, "Our Heavenly Father," and its ending, "Amen," this reads like any school's code of good conduct. 

    No mom or dad needs to go to Rhode Island to hear, "It's not fair!"  

    Every child is born thinking, It's all about ME.

    Part of our job as parents is to help our kids grasp at an early age, "Oh, no, it's not."

    We're called to teach them and role-model how to deal with life and to live in society. 

    Some would say these Cranston incidents and rulings taught students to respect the rights of other people. Others would say these young people learned something else: If you apply enough pressure and threaten to sue, you can get your own way.

    Similar practices exist in many schools, as well as in sports activities  

    Most of us probably remember teachers marking mistakes on our papers with their red pencils and giving letter grades. When we wailed to our parents we didn't get much sympathy. They told us, "Well, study more and work harder and you'll get better grades next time."

    These days many schools avoid giving letter grades because it makes some kids unhappy. Teachers avoid red pencils because red looks, well, too harsh. 

    Once winners in sports and contests got trophies and ribbons at the end of the season. Non-winners complained, but parents and coaches would tell them, "That's life. Not everyone wins. You'll do better if you practice more and get tougher.  Practice makes perfect."

    Somewhere along the line experts–and moms–decided this kind of talk might injure self-esteem. Now every child gets an identical award, which is thought to be kinder and gentler.

    But is it, really?  

    Hothouse plants wilt easily when exposed to weather 

    Even though they look luxuriantly healthy, such plants are inherently weaker. They need exposure to the elements to toughen up so they won't wilt when the sun shines hot or the winds blow.

    Children and teens are much the same. Sure, we mean to be loving when we aim to shelter them from pain. But that deprives youngsters of experiencing what makes them stronger, ready for life on their own.

    Few professors or bosses are impressed by the words, "It's not fair!"  

    So our best way of showing love to our growing children and teens is to allow them to experience the normal ups and downs of life before they leave home. That's when we're right there, ready to give them a hug and say what feeds their strength, "Aw, c'mon now. You'll live. Next time you'll be wiser and you'll handle yourself better. Now go get 'em!"   

    To me it comes down to what Jesus said in Luke 6:31: 

    Do to others as you would have them do to you.

    AS we would have them do. None of us would willingly choose to be on the receiving end of what makes us weaker.

    Don't we owe our children the same?

    Agree or disagree?

    Learning along with you,

    Lenore

    Do your kids a favor and tell them life is not fair

  • Why not an Olympics ceremony where parents get medals, too?

    Think about it. Olympic athletes start out as kids with dreams. They get immersed in intensive training long before they can drive. Someone has to get them from home to the practice facility.

    Guess who.

    Images. Blog. Mic. Deb. Phelps. 7.12Mom watches and cheers from the bleachers or dozes in her car. Every day she packs lunches, hands out Gatorade and energy bars and launders smelly towels and athletic duds. Her ready supply of hugs, encouragement and consolation never runs dry.

    Take Debbie Phelps, for example. The mother of Michael Phelps, winner of eight gold medals, got him into swimming when he was age seven. Every day she chauffeured him and his two older sisters, also Olympics hopefuls, back and forth to the practice facility. Holidays? Vacations? Uh-uh.

    Finding this kind of focus can be a godsend

    Both mother and son have talked freely about Michael's early diagnosis of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Diagnosis.) She describes the young Michael as "a burst of energy . . . a local irritant."

    Swimming became his release. Michael took to swimming naturally, perhaps because he turned out to have a mind and body just right for the sport. Debbie, a divorced mom, says she simply kept him pointed in the right direction.

    (Any parent of an ADHD child would understand how much courage and determination that required.)

    Debbie taught school for thirty years and is the principal of a Baltimore middle school. In recent years she became something of a celebrity in her own right. She believes every child needs an outlet. It doesn't matter whether it's sports or science, music or art, or a hands-on skill of some sort. Finding the activity that fits–and fills–is key.

    When Tom Brokaw interviewed Debbie Phelps in 2008 she offered three principles of parenting.

    1. Love your kids.
    2. Steer them in the right direction.
    3. Give them right values.

    What's missing here?

    I agree with Debbie Phelps' advice, but I think she omitted what enables a parent to carry out those three principles: faith in God.

    • Where can we find enough love to carry on despite frustrations and difficultes?

    Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.     –1 John 4:17

    • With distractions and competing experts on all sides, how can we know which direction is "right?"

    Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.     –Psalm 119:105

    • How can we discern which values are "right?"

    Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."     –-John 8:31

    People have turned to the Bible for centuries, looking for answers. And finding them.

    Better than gold medals

    Loving through all the ups and downs takes all we've got and then some. Eventually most faithful moms and dads earn something much more satisfying than any medal. We can't hold it in our hands or display it in a trophy case, but it's real.

    The warm glow it brings starts the first time we look at our adult children and realize we not only love them, we like  them.

    Trust me, that's a lasting reward worth all the love and effort you give.

    Love,

    Lenore

     

    When will they start giving gold medals to moms?