Author: lbuth0511de28fc

Every parent knows the tone of voice that goes along with that refrain.

It's about as thrilling as fingernails dragging across a blackboard. What to do?

Our quartet often gave moving performances that caused me either to stifle my laughter or–after awhile–wish for a quickie way to quiet the mob.

I had none, so out of desperation more than anything, I came up with a standard reply. "You're bored? Oh, that's too bad. Here's what you'll need to clean the bathroom sink(s.) Go make it shine!"

Or, "Here, this broom should be the right size for you to use as you sweep the porch and sidewalks."

Or, "I just heard the clothes dryer signal that the towels are dry. Please take the towels out of the dryer and fold them."

You get the idea. After a day or two of such suggestions nobody complained of being bored.

I also discovered it boosts incentive to hold out the carrot of a reward when the chores are done. A trip to the park or ice cream treats can prove magical. Or try a family trip to your public library because kids still love being able to choose "their" books or whatever to bring home with them.

Be sure they see you reading, too. Often.

Creativity shines with enough free time

At our house we went for creativity more than toys and gadgets, so summer became a time when dreaming up concepts boomed. We always kept raw materials on hand like cardboard boxes of all sizes, assorted papers, crayons, colored pencils, markers, scraps of fabric, Mod Podge, glue, etc.

Trips to craft and discount stores and also yard sales yielded interesting cords and ribbon, pretty gift papers, paints, glitter, wooden boxes and frames, etc.

Was it messy? Sure. After the first time I proclaimed that our kingdom had a new never-break-it rule. From then on NO doing anything until old newspapers or an old plastic tablecloth or something like that had been put down on the work surface. (Was I ready to help with this? You betcha.)

All this costs almost nothing, but it's a great way for kids to experiment and have fun together.

Why bother, when cell phones and computers can keep kids occupied for hours?

Technology may be everywhere, but human nature–and kid nature–hasn't changed that much.

Creating still brings more satisfaction than consuming an endless stream of "stuff" on screens, some of it questionable. Besides, people still matter more than things. Don't your favorite family memories feature times when you did nothing much and just enjoyed being together?

This requires free time, which may require planning.

Scheduling each child for some activity every minute of every day eats up free time. Too much time watching TV, being on computers and cell phones does the same. We all need time to "just be."

That's why limiting time on phones and computers and enforcing time limits are important. (Yes, this inconveniences Mom and Dad, too, because as you no doubt discovered early on, we have to live what we preach or nobody pays attention to our words.)

Note: This will not earn you the title of "Miss Popularity."

Remember who you are

God gave you these children and you are in charge.

Yes, it's a lot of responsibility, but it's also a privilege. You're helping shape the way these young human beings develop and grow.

Even if each child is a bona fide genius, you know better than they what counts most in getting them ready for life as well-rounded individuals.

As radical as it sounds in our times, research has shown that sometimes sports and various "enrichment" activities are not what each child in your family–or you, for that matter–needs most. They've been created one of a kind, remember?

Give each family member–and yourself–a gift. Look for ways to nurture their individual talents and skills.

Maybe what each family member needs most is some unprogrammed time to let down. At any age, reading a book or lying under a tree just for the sake of looking up at the sky is not "wasted time."

I promise you the world will not stop.

Being unscheduled is not the same as being bored

Summer offers a defined opportunity to try new things. Later you can decide what comes next. Or doesn't. Think of it as time to refuel and rediscover.

Both your children and you may be surprised to find that in the midst of "nothing happening," a lot of personal growth occurred–and none of you were bored.

For now, go with the rhythm of your days. Be quiet and rest. For right now, just be.

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind. Ecclesiastes 4:6 ESV

In quietness and in trust shall be your strength. Isaiah 30:15 ESV

Learning, too,

Lenore

One strategy to deal with the wail, “I am sooo bored!”

July 7, 2022
It's the time of year when flags and fireworks and patriotic songs remind us we live in a free country.

It's a good time to ask: How about you and me? Are we living free?

Each of us will answer that question differently.

And real freedom has very little to do with the circumstances of our lives. Keep that in mind as you read these words from a man diagnosed with cancer:

    "I'm a forward-looking person but also a living-in-the-moment     person So I wake up every day expecting to have a good day. It     may sound trite … but life as you get older is about 20 percent of     what happens to you and about 80 percent how you react to it." –Nick Charles

You've probably heard that sort of thing said before. I have, too, but never with more power.

Nick Charles said it when he was close to death–and knew it

Whether he was a Christian I don't know, but he spoke truth that applies to every one of us:

How we react to what happens to us determines our lives.

It's like that old advertising slogan: "It's what inside that counts." How we react and respond flows out of what's inside us, in the core of our being.

I confess it took me way too long to really grasp this truth, but I gained a new understanding when I read an old book, Man's Search for Meaning, by the late Viktor Frankl, M.D., Ph.D.

Before World War II, Frankl, his wife and his parents lived the good life in Vienna, Austria. Then the Nazis invaded and like almost six million other Jews, they were sent to a Nazi concentration camp and immediately separated.

Viktor Frankl never saw any of them again

Right away the Nazis took away everyone he loved and all Frankl's possessions, even his wedding ring. At losing that precious reminder of his "before" life, he thought for awhile he could not go on.

Then as if a light bulb went on in his mind (a gift he later felt came from God) a great truth became clear to him and from that moment on, Viktor Frankl knew he would survive Auschwitz.

Although he remained a prisoner, Frankl realized that no matter how the cruel guards mistreated him, only he possessed–and would possess as long as he breathed–the power to control his thoughts.

He summed it up in this statement

"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms, to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Viktor Frankl in a death camp. Nick Charles close to death from cancer. Both of them very much in crisis mode, yet both expressed the same point:

We cannot control everything in our lives, but we do control what we think about it.

What we think about the circumstances of our lives dictates how we respond to what comes our way and to the people in our lives.

Knowing that gave them new courage to face what came next.

As usual, the Bible said it first

For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he …. Proverbs 23:7 KJV

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.   Isaiah 26:3 ESV

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

Reread those verses and think what God gives to each believer to empower them to live fully and live free.

It's a bit sobering to realize what that means

It takes just three words to sum up this principle: It's our choice.

WE hang the labels on what happens to us.

WE choose to park our minds in a lousy place or in a good place.

WE decide how we will respond to what comes into our lives and to the people in our lives.

It doesn't matter whether we are young or old, rich or poor, in or out of crisis. Once we know this and really believe it is true, it can change our life.

As Viktor Frankl put it, it's the one freedom no one can take from us. It's the way each of us can "live free," unhampered by the idea that we are prisoners of circumstance.

And for those of us blessed to be living in the Land of the Free it's like the icing on the cake.

May God bless America, our beloved Country, now and in the future!

Praying, always,

Lenore

You can find real freedom in any situation

July 3, 2022
Sometimes God chooses unlikely ways to remind us we have a lot to be thankful for, doesn't He?

I won't forget the day I learned a lot by eavesdropping on someone else's conversation.

Let me explain.

One morning I stopped a local coffee shop and soon got jolted out of my private little pity party. (It wasn't much fun, anyway.)

The hostess seated me in a booth close to a table where two men seemed really intent on their conversation.

One man had a radio-announcer voice that carried, even though he spoke softly. I couldn't help overhearing and once he started talking I didn't want to miss a word. Besides, I wanted to finish my coffee and snack. I grabbed my trusty note pad and jotted down his key points.

Here's my best recap of his story

"I have one brother, the only family I have left. We've never been close, but we talked by phone once in awhile. We lived a couple hundred miles apart, so we didn't know much about each other's lives, but that was okay with both of us.

"One day I got a call from a Child Welfare worker in his city. She told me the police arrested my brother and his wife for dealing drugs. They took his three children out of the house and turned them over to Child Welfare.

"The social worker told me my brother's kids would go into foster care unless my wife and I took them. We were their only hope and she wanted an answer by the next day. I was speechless and my wife even more so. We talked and talked and cried and prayed half the night. At last we said Yes, thinking it would be short-term.

"Not so. Eventually my brother and his wife were convicted of running a drug ring and both got long prison sentences.

"It's been hard, hard, hard, even though we've talked to our pastor and friends many times and we've had family counseling. My 9-year old nephew adapted pretty well. My 11-year old niece keeps it all inside, but those two both call us Mom and Dad and really, that's what we are. We're the ones who are there and who will be there, and we love them. They all know that, even the 15-year old.

"She still has nightmares. She rebels in just about every way she can dream up, no matter what we do. We're coming to think perhaps what she needs most is beyond our ability, maybe some kind of special mental-health treatment for awhile, to help her heal.

"We've prayed and tried to pour out love, but we've also failed in a lot of ways. I think I didn't really know much about talking to God before this upheaval in our lives. One thing I know, we wouldn't have made it without God giving us strength, minute-by-minute. Sometimes we've thought we couldn't keep on, but God has brought us this far, so we trust Him for the future.

"Here's the wonderful surprise and extra blessing in all this. We missed seeing it for quite awhile. Then recently we thought back to the early days of our marriage when the doctors told us we never would have children of our own and we were crushed. Now here we are with three kids, two of them doing very well. Now we are at peace. In spite of all the pain, we have joy and we know we did the right thing."

As I rose to leave I glanced at the men and saw they both had tears in their eyes. They matched my own.

A change of heart

You won't be surprised to hear I walked out with a new perspective on challenges in my life, my heart brimming with thanks and praise.

Thanks for that man and his wife who opened their home and their hearts and changed the lives–and the future–of three hurting youngsters. (And their own.)

Thanks to God for supplying the love and strength they needed to give of themselves, day by day, and not count the cost.

Thanks that they can see the blessings and joy hidden within their daily sacrifices.

That conversation refocused my thinking in how to look at challenges in my life.

Like that couple, let's open our eyes to the joy!

The Apostle Paul well knew personal suffering but he also knew how to find joy. I love the way he sums up his secret in Philippians 4:

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! … Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers (and sisters) whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things . . . And the God of peace will be with you. (Selected from Phil. 4:4-9 NIV)

"Rejoice!" It's not a suggestion, it's more like a must. An attitude we choose.

"If anything is excellent or praiseworthy … " Paul is telling us that whatever comes we can search out some bit of excellence or cause for praise. IF we wear that mindset as we look for it rather than getting stuck in our problems and disappointments. IF we remind ourselves that our loving God never leaves us on our own.

We will find the good, not because we're so great, but because God is faithful to those who trust in Him.

Trusting, too,

Lenore
Why it helps us to remember what’s good and right and true

June 25, 2022
Sometimes a slight twist of our perspective leads to major changes.

That happened to my husband and me the week our entire family went to summer camp on the shore of Lake Michigan.

At the time we lived on and operated a dairy and grain farm, with all the constant responsibility that implies, plus we had four lively children.

Between cows and crops and kids, both of us were running on fumes by July and needed a break.

Needed time.

Needed to find each other again.

Then we heard of a long-established, well-respected Christian family camp. We could drive there from our Illinois farm.

And, oh bliss! Every day would offer age-appropriate programs and daytime activities for kids and teens, all supervised by well-screened youth counselors and leaders.

No cooking. No cleaning. No kids during most of the day, with family free time in the evenings. What's not to like?

Heaven on earth, here we come!

We arrived on a Sunday afternoon

Next morning we escorted our four girls to their age-appropriate activities, signed them in and walked away. They would be safe and have fun for the next 5 or 6 hours. Yippee!

That first day we two decided to "try out" the adult Bible study led by a pastor from the Northwest.

He started off with something like this. "Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Let's think this through. Who is my closest neighbor?"

Silence for a moment.

Then he hooked us with these words. "Answer: Our families. Nobody is a closer neighbor than the people we live with and share a life with. Nobody more deserves to be treated kindly and considerately.

"After all, they're the ones who every day have to deal with us. Us, with our individual quirks and habits." (Laughter.)

Then he launched into lively personal examples. As always, I took notes.

His first illustration made me squirm

"Every morning when I'm ready to eat breakfast with my wife, I never know what to expect. Most of the time she's a sweetheart. But sometimes, blame it on PMS, or a dreary day or whatever, she sighs a lot, slams cupboard doors and bangs the dishes around. At our house, that's not a good sign."

(I didn't look at my husband and was glad he didn't give me the elbow.)

"So every morning I have a choice. Will I give back what she is giving out? Or will I, even on those mornings, remember that my call as a Christian is to love her?

"To love her even when I know I'm in for another tough day at work. Even if I'm not sure whether we can cover all the bills this month.

"My first call as a Christian husband is to love my wife. Period. And a Christian wife has the same call toward her husband."

You could have heard a pin drop in that packed auditorium

His simple words shot down every excuse and self-justification I could think of.

"You may wonder if this principle also applies to us as Christian parents," he said. "In one word: Yes.

"Parenting is hard!" (Applause all around the room.) "For those raising children on their own it's even harder, yet the challenge remains the same: To live out love unconditionally as best they can.

"My three children often charm me, irritate me, baffle me, embarrass me, disappoint me, bring me to tears. But it doesn't matter. That's all part of rearing these gifts of God.

"As their dad, my call is to keep on loving them through it all."

Each day our teacher opened his heart and helped us look deeper into living out our Christian faith and pointed out the many places the Bible says the Holy Spirit is our Helper.

His words were water on our dry, dusty hearts

Our wilted spirits slowly revived and bloomed again. The invisible distance between us melted and our usual oneness returned.

Did my husband and I immediately morph into ideal spouses who never again got impatient with each other? Not likely.

But we gained new understanding and turned a corner in our thinking. The last afternoon we promised each other we would do our best to live out love every day.

And over the years, we did, sometimes slipping and sliding along the way but hanging on.

Jesus knew we would find this a challenge

He tells us to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

"AS yourself."

That's the "ouch factor" in those words, isn't it? The one that sets us coming up with "Yeah, buts."

It gets easier when we remember what that study leader at Camp stressed over and over:

"Love" is more than an emotion. To live out love means to do what's loving–and this we control.

That surprised me then and it still does

Looking at love this way means we needn't first try to dredge up emotion from within ourselves. We don't have to feel loving to demonstrate love. To act in loving ways.

When we simply do what love calls for it's not long before our feelings match our actions.

But that's the point, isn't it? When Jesus told us to love he did not mean to love when we're in the mood and the rest of the time, forget it.

Let's keep the order straight

Jesus sums it up in Mark 12:30-31:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

After this comes:

The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.

We love because he [Jesus] first loved us. 1 John 4:19 NIV

Along the way, let's be kind to ourselves, too. Sometimes we will fail and need to start over, simply because we're human beings. That's a good time to remind ourselves of this truth:

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 ESV

Our forgiveness in Christ means we are not condemned when we fall short of loving unconditionally. Instead, we are free to start over and go on, living our faith and growing stronger.

Best of all, we're not left on our own

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV

Let us rejoice and be glad!

Lenore

A fresh take on “Love your neighbor”

June 18, 2022
"Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours" is the title of a 1970 Stevie Wonder hit song.

Sounds like a quickie description of most romantic novels and movies, doesn't it? After endless challenges the two in love finally make it to THE wedding.

The chase is over, the vows are spoken and love and bliss without end. No more effort required. Guaranteed.

File this under "Fairy Tales."

You and I and every other human being star in our own reality show called "Life."

Before long every real life couple comes to understand their wedding ceremony began a life of discovery, even when they thought they knew everything about each other beforehand.

Surprises are as inevitable as mosquitos on a summer night

Since each one keeps changing and growing for life, how could it be otherwise?

Think about typical life situations:

Changes in financial situation, for whatever reason.

Switching jobs. Moving, perhaps because one spouse receives a great job offer.

Health conditions, whether physical, mental or emotional.

Starting a family–or choosing not to.

Add in whatever issues may exist or arise within each one's extended family.

The love you started with is tested. Tried. Proven true and strong, whatever comes. Call it love in action, love with a purpose.

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18

A marriage is like an ocean liner

The port side of a cruise ship cannot decide to head north while the starboard side chooses to head south.

Even in good strong marriages sometimes one spouse feels pulled toward a direction that leads the other to think, No way!

Any change of direction means unsettledness. My husband and I lived that a time or two.

We learned the value of simply talking to each other and also spending more time reading the Bible. Prayer–talking to God and honestly sharing our emotions helped keep us calm and at peace.

Sounds too simple, I know, but this reminded us that He knows the way ahead–and He promises never to leave us on our own.

One particular time we contemplated a big change–and then lived it. We planned as carefully as we could. Then came a period of delays and disappointments. I hung on tight to Bible verses like Psalm 139:9-10, David's beautiful expression of trust in the faithful God he loved and worshiped:

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Life can feel overwhelming at times

Times of unsettledness make us vulnerable to reciting various "what ifs, either to ourselves or to others." Steer clear of the "if-then" trap, too, even in self-talk.

Often our only choice is how we will respond. One rule-of-thumb is start with refocus and trust, adjust to the present reality and grow some more.

Shore each other up with frequent gentle reminders that your love remains strong and stable.

Thread faith through every day. Turn your mind to promises that God is faithful and kind.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Predictable causes of disharmony

One frequent issue, especially today, stems from one or the other spouse feeling they give more than the other. This quickly morphs into a joyless practice of checking off boxes and keeping score.

The idea that "we're in this together" flies out the window.

This runs counter-intuitive to popular thinking, but the better choice is to choose the way of love.

Marriage was never intended to be a 50-50 arrangement, but rather 100-100. The attitude is that wife and husband each decide to give of themselves completely.

Be flexible, each one ready to give and take as needs and situations change. This quiets the "You always" and "You never" arguments. Home becomes more the peaceful, loving place both yearn for it to be.

Easy? Never, but the Apostle Paul tells us how to love this way:

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3

Every marriage unites two unique individuals

What works for you may not work for your best friends–and vice versa. That's okay. If your marriage and family are built on love, faith and mutual respect, be glad and thank God for His blessing.

Marriage teaches us a lot about ourselves and widens our understanding. It's good to keep talking, even when you don't want to. Otherwise the distance between you widens.

Strive always to look through each other's eyes rather than just your own.

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:14

Every day counts

Later in our marriage my husband and I understood that even our hard times were seasons of growing, individually and together. Growing stronger as a married couple. Finding peace within our relationship and our life.

Did it come naturally to us? No, but few worthwhile goals are easy.

We came to see the deep wisdom and value of Jesus' words in Luke 6:31 as a prescription for every day:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you."

This day-by-day effort brings rewards beyond the obvious

Were we perfect? Never. Did we ever hit rough spots? Of course. All couples do. But we were in it for life, so that meant always trying to pull together and keep on loving.

Somehow we only partially understood that our children were watching us and listening to us–particularly when we weren't talking to them. As adults they admitted this went on all through the years they were growing up.

Still, we did something right. At different times each one–now married themselves–told us that our marriage provided them the role model by which they related in their marriages.

Were we surprised? Oh, yes, and humbly thankful.

Humble? Yes

We two ordinary people met and fell in love while we were still in high school and married a couple of years later.

What we had going for us was that we loved each other totally and each of us trusted Jesus as our Savior. We aimed to live out the faith we shared–and we had teachable hearts

Always, we prayed for guidance and our loving Lord never left us to struggle on our own.

He will do the same for any believer who asks.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

May you know His joy in your life, my friend,

Lenore

You can build inner strength within your marriage and family

June 10, 2022
Perhaps the better question is, "How are you treating life?"

That is, what label do we paste on our days?

We seldom realize that's what we're doing, but it's true–and it becomes a habit.

A bad habit, because it gets easier and easier to fixate on what's "wrong" and subsequently miss what's right. (Or am I the only one who ever does that?)

This colors how we look at everything, maybe most of all, the people in our lives.

Finding fault and complaining starts early. Think how siblings squabble and wail, "It's my turn."

Nobody has to teach kids that annoying practice. Isn't it odd how that kind of attitude seems to lurk within each of us?

The angst of the younger generation ramps up in the teenage years, with endless complaints to parents: "You always …" or "You never … "

During those years children and teens could not fathom the internal struggles a mother or father feels. All along they live with uncertainty, nobody ever certain they are "doing it right."

Labeling saves time

Think about it. Once we label a person we don't have to think. We just plug in what we always "knew" about them–or thought we did.

Those old impressions lodge in our minds and too often we won't let go. It's more comfortable to hang onto old thinking than to take a fresh look. At ourselves.

This same pitfall dogs married couples. The person we fell in love with and married turns out to have a few faults. Yet that's the one who stays and keeps on loving us through all the highs and lows, the good times and the hard times–which happen to everyone, by the way.

Even those we judge to "have it all together."

Cause for celebration

If we're honest, at times any one of us is not that easy to live with–even in a strong marriage. True?

But do we celebrate? Nope. More often we nag and nit-pick about small habits that bug us. We whine that we don't feel appreciated for who we are and how much we give and we are the ones who deserve to be celebrated.

(How do I know this? Do you need to ask?)

We may exhibit selective sight with our adult children, as well. We focus on all the ways they need to change but remain blind to their strengths and good points. As for praise, forget about it, because we know they could do better.

Often our Inner Critic carries that over into all of life

We pick out things we wish were different and easily ignore what's good. We look "over there" for happiness and forget to look at what and who is right there in front of us.

Most of all we forget to look within ourselves.

Too often I would have to plead guilty. How about you?

But hey, old habits are hard to break. Right?

Time for a change

I've never forgotten one sermon that jolted me out of that rut.

Our pastor had the ushers hand out index cards and told us that he had found a short formula to be helpful in his life because it opened the eyes of his heart. That Sunday he decided to pass it on to us.

He suggested an experiment. Starting that day each of us was to promise ourselves to make this our personal practice. No questions would be asked. No reports of progress or lack thereof. This was to be personal.

His "formula" stuck in my memory because it's uncomplicated and short. I wrote it on an index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror as a reminder.

Did it bless my life? Yes it did, although I confess sometimes I slipped up often and some days didn't remember to try.

Here's the simple formula:

1. Leave the past at the cross of Jesus Christ, once and for all.

2. See the good.

3. Speak the good.

4. Ask God to develop this attitude within me.

U-turn required

Whatever the date and time or stage of life we're in right now, it's worth giving it a fair trial, don't you think?

According to the news and the "experts" it sounds as if everything is up for grabs. Some of us feel we're floundering and just hanging on from day to day.

This simple formula sorts out what matters most in making a good life. It reveals the emptiness of the flotsam we're flooded with every day, on every side. It reminds us to stay on track by fixing our attention on what we as individuals can control.

This list serves us in the same way a level serves a carpenter: It helps us stay balanced, today and in the future.

You and I cannot change the world, but we change our world

Living by that pastor's formula takes us a long way toward that goal.

For specifics, many people hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an example of how we should live. I believe most of those principles apply to both sexes in a general way.

If the criteria in that chapter sound too daunting, focus on verse 26 for starters.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Doesn't that make a worthy checklist for both women and men?

It's not hard to see how speaking kindness and appreciation would add life and light to our lives–and the lives of our spouse, our children and the people around us. This is doable for any of us.

Whatever our age or life situation, one truth applies to every one of us:

God gives us life. It's up to us how we live it.

Here's to being good learners,

Lenore

A question only you can answer: How is Life Treating You?

May 17, 2022
Have you ever identified with a fable or an old folk tale and been surprised by a flash of insight into your life? I have. I think this might be one of those.

The story goes that somehow an eagle's egg got mixed in with the chicken eggs in a nest.

The mama hen seemed not to notice. To her an egg was an egg. Period.

So she sat contentedly on her nest, waiting for THE day her eggs would hatch.

Finally, the time was right. In short order the chicks pecked their shells open and emerged looking a bit wobbly and confused, as is the way of baby chicks.

So did the fluffy, newly hatched eaglet, who looked around at the only world he knew, the world of chickens. So he walked like a chicken and ate what his chicky siblings ate and minded his own chicky business.

A grove of nearby trees towered into the skies and a pair of American eagles nested there. The growing eaglet often stopped scratching in the dirt to watch them come and go. He never tired of seeing those big birds circling overhead, their wide wings outstretched. Higher and higher they soared.

The eaglet thought, Oh, what it would be like to fly way up high like that? If only I could! But … I could never fly like that, not me. It's like Mama always tells me, "You're just a chicken, so don't even try. Just be happy as you are."

The young eagle tried, really he did, but he knew he didn't fit in, what with his long, gangly legs and that bulky body. He felt he didn't belong in that flock of chickens who spent their days scratching in the dirt. As Mama often said, that's what chickens do, so why wasn't that enough for him?

That left only one possibility: It had to be his fault.

No wonder he often asked himself, What's wrong with me? Why can't I be like the others and be happy?

After awhile the young eagle didn't even bother to look up. He gave up wishing for more and lived out his days with the chickens, never knowing he could fly.

What's more, he never even tried. Why bother? After all, his mama always told him he could not fly ….

Here's the point for you and me

Even when we're unaware of it, we each carry around old labels and messages that still influence how we see ourselves today.

If you doubt that, take a mental inventory. Think back to what your parents or teachers–or siblings–told you about you. Which messages helped you? Which ones do you still try to erase from that nagging sound track in your mind?

See what I mean?

View those memories from a different angle

Find a time to unpack those old messages and look at them with your present perspective. Not many of us grew up with abusive parents or in an extremely dysfunctional family. That makes it likely your parents loved you–at least in their minds.

Why not be kind and assume that what they said to you and how they parented you probably was the best they knew how to do at the time?

Instead of looking for reasons why somebody said this or that, why not let it go?

With that shift in place, you can choose to consider such incidents–whether once in awhile or a pattern–as part of your past but irrelevant to the person you are today.

What if it still hurts and no one seems to care?

First ask yourself if it's possible such things could serve as some sort of comfort, as if with that in place you know who you are.

This may sound illogical, but chew on it for awhile.

Counselors report they spot that frequently. For example, children of alcoholics "see themselves" as powerless to avoid addiction to alcohol. Why? Because that's what they grew up with, so for them, it's "normal."

Substitute whatever dysfunction you may have grown up around and ask yourself if someplace deep inside, you consider that to be your "natural fate."

Then ask yourself what sense it makes to stay stuck in old, dead-end thinking.

Start where you are and choose the better way

Those remarks that do not now (and perhaps never did) fit you? Decide to let them go and not dwell on them in the future. As that gets easier, they gradually will fade away.

Every time they resurface, don your "forgiveness filter" and substitute remembrances that make you smile.

Now take a fresh look at the adult you are today. Think about your life and the good qualities you know are present within you. Write them down so you can refer to it when old doubts resurface.

One thing more

Our children, whether our own or those we're around frequently, carry our words with them, too. For life.

News flash: Neither you nor I is perfect.

It's still good advice to "Think before you speak," even–or especially–with those we love.

Although we love our kids and do our best to parent wisely, inevitably, sometimes our words will sting and bother them, whether they're young or well into adulthood.

Some of us have learned to first ask ourselves, "Will my words bless or burn, now and in the future?"

Good words

Frequently name the good qualities you see in those you love. Let them know you're proud of them. Praying for them. Ready to talk any time.

Promise yourself that from now on your children will hear only words that bless them every time they recall what you said. Ask God to give you wisdom–and possibly, restraint–to do so.

Does this mean you never can voice an opinion? No. Having a solid foundation of love and mutual respect between you builds trust and loving openness. Just tread softly.

As always, the Bible points out the better way to live

Whether within your family or as an individual, here are three helps for all of us:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:13

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

In Jesus, in love, it's never too late to make a new start.

From one still learning, here's to growing in love,

Lenore

Be sure you know the source of the labels you wear

April 22, 2022
What an odd mixture of Easter symbols we have in America…and probably all over the world. Bunnies, butterflies, baby chicks, eggs, flowers and green grass, chocolates in foil wrappings.

And once in awhile, a picture of a man hanging on a wooden cross.

But hey, isn't Easter really all about Spring and everything greening up, blooming, growing?

No, not really.

The deeper meaning of Easter

Easter traces back to the life and death of a man called Jesus, who was impaled on a wooden cross on a hill outside Jerusalem.

Heavy nails had been pounded through his hands and his feet. Blood trickled down his face, the intended result from Roman soldiers twisting together some thorny branches to make a crown, then pressing it down on his head.

Blood seeped from the wounds on his back, too, the result of being mercilessly whipped by soldiers with leather whips that featured bits of bone and rock imbedded on the ends.

Onlookers moaned and wept to see the suffering of this man.

But the story doesn't end there

Jesus said little during the nine hours he spent on the cross. Near the end, he cried out in a loud voice, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:45)

Not long after, once again he called out in a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." (Luke 23:46)

At this point, for one who had been hanging on the cross for nine hours to be able to say anything in a loud voice was remarkable. A few breaths more and Jesus gave up his life as a human being.

One of Jesus' followers found courage to ask permission to take down Jesus' body from the cross before sundown and Roman rulers permitted it. So Joseph of Arimathea, a member of the Jewish ruling council, took it down, then wrapped it in a linen shroud and laid him in a new tomb cut in stone. The women at the cross followed and saw where Jesus' body was laid.

Then because sundown ushered in the Sabbath, they hurried home so they could observe it properly.

The sad day Jesus died became known as "Good Friday," because it led up to Easter

Early on Sunday morning followers of Jesus went to his grave, ready to embalm his body properly. They pondered how they could move the heavy stone Roman guards set in place to block the entrance, then sealed it around the edges with sealing wax. What's more, Pilate, the Roman ruler, had told the soldiers to stand guard, day and night.

They tried to think how they could manage those barriers.

Matthew 28 tells us when Mary Magdalene and the other Mary arrived at the tomb there was a violent earthquake. An angel of the Lord came down from heaven and rolled back the stone, then sat on it. The Roman guards were so afraid of him that they shook and passed out.

When these grieving friends looked into the tomb they saw it was empty, with only the cloth death-wrappings left behind.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid…He is not here; he has risen, just as he said…Go quickly and tell his disciples…"

What could this mean?

Who could know what it meant to "rise from the dead?" Every person alive, now or then, knows that dead means dead.

They hurried away from the tomb, headed for Galilee. Then suddenly (Matthew 28:9) Jesus himself stood before them and said, "Greetings."

Filled with joy, they clasped his feet and worshiped him. Jesus said, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

They could not explain it, but Jesus did not stay dead. This was not a ghost, not a spirit, this truly was Jesus, their friend and teacher.

Jesus, fully human, born of Mary, was–and is–true God, as well

Now his followers saw and touched the same loved friend they had watched die on the cross, very much alive and in the flesh. He spoke with them. He ate with them. How could this be?

Jesus told them again how much he loved them and promised they would receive power to carry on his ministry. How would this happen? Through the power of the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, which Jesus promised to send them. (And he did, just read the book of Acts and the rest of the New Testament.)

Even today, the same indwelling Holy Spirit lives within the hearts of everyone who believes what the Bible says and trusts in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

Maybe you're reading this and thinking, "Says who? Why should I take your word for anything?"

Please don't. Check it out for yourself. Pick up a Bible and read the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. (Don't miss John 3:16-17.) They all tell the story of Jesus and his life.

Each Gospel has a slightly different "flavor," since each was transcribed by a different individual. Matthew and Luke begin with his birth. Each one winds up with the sequence of events leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and his resurrection.

It's worth reading the book of Romans, too, especially chapter 8, verses 1-4 and also verse 31 to the end of the chapter.

How could one sum up the Easter story? John's Gospel, Chapter 3:16-17 lays it all out for us:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

Are you looking for a more modern explanation?

One I think says it well goes something like this:

Jesus had to be true man, because God cannot die for the sins of the world. God cannot die for any reason. He is eternal, without beginning and without end.

Jesus had to be true God because man cannot forgive sins or pay the price of sin for the world. Only God.

So what's the big deal about Easter? Just this: New life for the world. New life for each of us–eternally–free for the taking.

Look around. Every new leaf, every bud and bloom, points back to the Source of life that never ends: Jesus Christ.

All it costs is taking Jesus at his word.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Romans 10:10.

Life. To the full. Now and eternally. For me, that's the real meaning of Easter, because Jesus' resurrection proved the truth of what he said about himself. Now, there's reason to celebrate!

May you know for yourself the peace and joy that Easter's real meaning brings,

Lenore

Will the real meaning of Easter please stand up?

April 7, 2022
Reports from Ukraine and the surrounding countries keep us all on edge. Many of us are hazy about the long, troubled history of this part of the world and don't see the tie-ins between what's going on now and say, World War II. "Hansi's" story will fill in some of the gaps.

I met her when she spoke at a years-ago gathering of Christian women in our area. We knew only that our speaker had grown up under Hitler. As usual, I came prepared to take notes.

Maria Ann Hirschmann started off by saying, "Everyone calls me Hansi," and continued on in a lively stream of words.

Soon she announced that by God's mercy and protection she had reached the age of 84 years old.

I think it's fair to say none of us expected to hang on every word she spoke, but we did. Nor could we know how her story would relate to anything here in the United States.

Hansi was born in Czechoslovakia to German-speaking parents, which made them part of a small minority. Times were harsh, with never enough food. When Hansi's mother realized she was pregnant with their third child, her husband insisted she have an abortion, a common "solution" for an unexpected pregnancy.

"But my mother believed in God," Hansi said, "and she could not do that."

When the infant turned out to be a third daughter, her father took one look and said, "Ach! Another girl," and walked away in disgust.

Not long after, this Christian mother urged her best friend, "Marta," to take in Hansi, even though she already had four children. Marta felt her friend's distress and answered, "I will take your child and I will raise her for Jesus."

"She kept her promise and I learned about the Christian faith," Hansi said, "but my foster mother stressed that God wants us to be good–and then He would love us. So I grew up believing God could never love me, because I was not an easy child. I always talked, always asked, 'Why?' and was forever in trouble. I felt unwanted at home and at school, but now even by God."

Times were hard all over Czechoslovakia. The young girl grew up sleeping in haylofts and seldom had shoes, even in the coldest winter. Hunger stalked the land. "We had almost no food, no hope things could change and nothing to believe in.

"Then one day over the hill came the Nazi soldiers carrying the German flag.

"They told us not to be frightened. Hitler would take care of us. He would see to it that we had food and clothing and work, which meant money to spend. Within six weeks it all came true. We had enough to eat and at last we had shoes. Factories started up again, so we had jobs.

"Surely, we concluded, all this came about because of the goodness and wisdom of Adolph Hitler. So now we had someone we could put our faith in–and we did, because we saw the change all around us. Now we could dare to hope again."

Nazis went throughout the country testing children, even in the little one-room school Hansi attended. They chose her to attend the Youth Training Institute in Prague. "For the first time somebody actually chose me. I was the poorest kid in the village, so I could not expect to go on to high school or college," Hansi said. "Now I thought I had caught the rainbow.

"As I got on the train my foster mother whispered in my ear, 'Don't forget about Jesus.' I promised I wouldn't, but within a year I had totally forgotten everything I ever learned about Jesus."

For the first time in her life Hansi had a bed of her own, with warm blankets, in a warm room. She had new clothes (her uniforms) with three good meals every day. Leaders constantly told these young people. "The 'Great Supreme Being' has chosen Hitler to save Germany and all of Europe. And Adolph Hitler has chosen each of you to be a leader, to help him change the world."

"At last I had a purpose," she said. "Folks always ask me how the people of the Reformation could believe in Hitler and allow Nazism to take over their land. I tell them we were brainwashed, which is nothing more than being told the same thing over and over and over.

"We didn't know the word 'brainwashing,' didn't even guess it was happening, but it was. After awhile, you think it must be right, because you keep hearing it everywhere. We all believed what we heard and millions turned away from God.

"I know now that all this proves the truth of Proverbs 14:12, which reads, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."

Her present fear for the USA

"My friends," Hansi told us on that California Saturday, "that is my biggest fear for my beloved America. I am very, very afraid for our country. As a nation we have turned to the ways of the world and it seems right. In so many ways we have abandoned the God of our forefathers.

"I know from personal experience that when you turn away from God a country can be destroyed very quickly.

"That's why I say to you and all my fellow Americans, in every election, Vote! Learn all you can about the candidates and choose carefully, but vote! If two people are running and you don't like either one, then vote for the lesser of two evils. But don't ever forget that being allowed to vote is a tremendous privilege and freedom is never something to take for granted.

"Freedom is God's gift and it is precious. I know, because I have lived without it."

In my next post I'll tell you about Hansi's dangerous escape from Russian captivity and her first frightening encounter with a dreaded American.

(Please note: This is my best paraphrase of Hansi's words, from my notes and also watched the five-part YouTube series about Maria Anne Hirschmann, a.k.a., Hansi.)

May God bless you and watch over you,

Lenore

Hear wisdom for America from a one-time Nazi youth leader

April 2, 2022
What can we do to build a closer marriage relationship and/or to rear strong kids?

Here's a hint: Don't fall into the trap of dragging the past into today.

How do we do that? Play this conversation in your mind:

She: "You never listen to me when I talk to you!"

He: "That's because you're always ragging on me over some little thing that doesn't matter."

She: "There you go again, putting me down. You always do that."

He: "Well, I can never do anything right, so what else would you expect?"

Etc.

Can you spot the pattern of these remarks?

These two seem more interested in pointing fingers of blame than in understanding each other.

Parents often copy that pattern with their kids, too

Last time Brody brought home a grade of D and his mom gave him a long lecture on paying attention and trying hard.

So he gritted his teeth and worked really hard. This time he earned a C+ and he's feeling good. He wears a big grin as he holds it out for Mom to see.

She frowns and says, "Oh, Brody, I know you could do better. You could get an A if you weren't always staring off into space or glued to your phone. But that's the way you always are. You never try as hard as you can. Never. About anything."

If there's a mom (or dad) out there who has not once said anything like this to one of your children, hats off to you. The rest of us know how easily such hurtful barbs slip out.

It's as if our mouths start moving before our brains kick in.

Blacklist those two words

"Always" and "never" drag in all the leftover hurt from other times and other conversations. Old anger clamors to be replayed and drowns out any motivation to reach understanding.

Either of these two words–or their cousins–shuts down the other person's heart.

Just for now, let's suppose we're the one who started dropping always and never into the exchange. What could our spouse or our child feel except dumped on and hopeless? The natural human response would be, "What's the use? Why bother to try?"

Understanding flies away and only hurt hangs around, even if it goes underground. Mending the broken places can take a long time. If ever.

Think of these two words as the sure sabotage of a good marriage and close relationships with our children, whatever their ages.

What to do?

The first thing is to see ourselves clearly and honestly. Looking with new eyes may shock us, perhaps even make us a bit weepy.

There's a blessing in that. It reminds us that nobody's perfect, not even us.

Next we need to step into the perspective of the one on the receiving end. How do our words and deeds look from there?

Often that's not a comfortable place as other regrets surface and our tears flow.

That's a good sign, however. It hints that we're ready to change and find the better, happier way to live.

As usual, the Apostle Paul spells out the better way, here in Ephesians 4:29:

Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. NLT

And speaking of talking…

More times than I care to confess I've needed to pray these words of Psalm 141:3:

Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. NIV

This is where we start, my friend. Does God really help us change?

Yes! He always hears our prayers and He never gives up on us.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 ESV

That's where we begin, by asking our loving God to wash away the crud of yesterday's mistakes and give us a fresh start.

What if we find ourselves our slipping back into our old habits?

Don't be discouraged. Rather, let's thank God for putting the "want to" in our hearts because it shows we're growing in faith and inner strength.

Is it easy?

Is it easy to let go of what seems "natural" and make a new start, maybe over and over? No, it's not "easy".

We start by believing what the Bible says about it.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. … Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.   Romans 5:8; 1 ESV

God loved us "…while we were still sinners … ."

God loves us now, while we still struggle. The old ways that we clung to got in the way of our life and relationships being good–and deep down, we knew it. What's called for at any point in this growth journey is a humble heart and the willingness to begin again.

If/when we fail how often can we start over? As often as the sun rises in the morning, because our loving God never gives up on us.

And I'm just sayin', that's pretty simple. Always remember that and never forget.

Thankful, too,

Lenore

Pointers that strengthen all your relationships

March 17, 2022