Author: lbuth0511de28fc

If asked to name a one-word description of what sets the good old USA apart most of us would answer, "Freedom."

Most of us take our freedom as Americans for granted. Why wouldn't we? Freedom is like the air we breathe: Always there.

Perhaps that's why we forget freedom isn't free and therefore take veterans and Veterans Day lightly.

Let's take another look.

Maintaining our freedom cost life itself for many. Those who loved them deal with pain and emptiness that won't quit.

Even many of those who survived still deal with pain of body and mind, some of them for life.

Veterans Day is all about honoring fellow U.S. citizens who served in our Armed Forces over the years. Even those who never served in a war zone set aside their personal "civilian" life choices for years.

Those who loved them and their extended families so often did the same. Without this sacrifice you and I would not be free.

It seems a puny gesture to honor veterans only one day of the year, doesn't it?

In the larger sense, Veteran's Day is about what it costs to hang onto our freedom

One U.S. Marine Corps chaplain expressed it well.

"It is the soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press.

"It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.

"It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate.

"It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag."

-Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, Sergeant, USMC

Giving honor where it is due

Honor translates into respect and appreciation. When we speak it and live it, our children pick up the message: Freedom is precious and those who protect it deserve to know we appreciate what they do.

It doesn't require grand gestures, just the right heart attitude.

If we truly value those who serve/served, it will show.

Children and young people are watching and listening all the time. Even (and especially) when they pretend not to. Kids watch adults hoping to pick up clues on what to believe and what to say and how to live.

From now on let's make sure we–and our children–notice and talk to veterans and those currently serving and just say Thanks.

This simple gesture can help kids understand that real people keep us free. People who have dreams and feelings and families who love them.

People very much like their parents and the adults they know and love.

If we don't pass on this attitude of appreciation to the next generation, who will?

It's as easy as speaking well of those who serve in our Armed Forces now or have done so in the past. Always.

Are they perfect and do they always make right decisions? Of course not. They are human beings, as we are. But to let the failings of a few overshadow what is good and right and true misses the point.

Why not choose to look instead at all this Nation has come through?

Ponder the gracious hand of God's blessing on this Nation, right from the start. When we do, we reinforce our own sense of gratitude and satisfaction as Americans.

What's more, our words and attitudes "trickle down" to our children–and beyond. Our positive comments help them feel good about their world.

Like it or not, our kids "catch" and mimic our outlook on the world.

Once again it comes down to the Golden Rule

It's all about being grateful and showing it. These simple words of Jesus (Matthew 7:12a ESV) cover most of life's situations and human relationships.

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them…

Let's just do it! Let's speak our thanks to our veterans or those who actively serve in our Armed Forces. A hug or a pat on the back can encourage their family members, too.

Each of us, whatever our age or ability, can do that much. Any day of any year. Think how that bit of affirmation might strengthen and comfort them.

Instead of fretting and complaining about what's wrong with America, let's start being part of what's right with these United States of America.

Consider it a way to speak up for–and help to hang on to–our freedom as Americans. If it seems one person cannot make a difference, listen to Edward Everett Hale

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. And by the grace of God, I will."

With gratitude,

Lenore

Let’s remember who we are as a nation–and tell our kids

November 10, 2021
Most of us know the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

When I first read those words on a gift shop plaque I didn't have to ask myself whether the saying was true.

All I had to do was remember. With regret.

As a young mom, some days I got up in a bad mood–and spread it around. On those mornings, Mama, the Martyr, would prepare a healthy breakfast for her family–and serve it without a word.

Mama didn't smile, so neither did anyone else.

Our otherwise bouncing, laughing young daughters would eat silently, then escape ASAP, whether to another room or to wait for the school bus. My sweet husband would gulp down his breakfast, then head for the door with a wave instead of grabbing me for a kiss as he usually did.

And I understood why.

Who could blame them?

Their moods affected me, too, of course. As in every family, our four kids sometimes couldn't stand each other, resulting in a tiresome refrain of, "Mommy, make her leave me alone!"

Do you think their whining lifted my spirits and made me a happy mama? Nope.

Over time I figured out some major truths:

Whatever the cause of my bad mood I didn't have the right to take it out on my husband and kids. Besides, that never changed anything for the better.

In any and every situation, our mindset determines how we feel–and how we act.

As Abraham Lincoln, the world-famous mental health professional, put it: "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Always, our words can lift each other up or tear each other down

That's true in parenting. True in a marriage. It's true on the job.

If our kids struggle they don't need our analysis of what's wrong. They need our love and encouragement and quiet listening.

When they slip up it's okay to gently stick to our family standards, along with talking over the whys of why we have them. Then comes the next lesson as we hand out appropriate penalties.

Allowing our children some freedom to make choices–and also allowing them to live with the consequences of their choices–can be painful, but it grows maturity and confidence.

They grow stronger from within.

What about teenagers?

Teenagers are on their bumpy way to adulthood. Yes, they need truth and common sense about how to handle life, but it's equally important that they hear us speak our faith and confidence in them as individuals.

It's good to help them learn life skills by letting them cope. (They'll make mistakes.) They crave words like, "I know you can handle this challenge, because I know how strong and determined you are. I believe in you and so does God and we always, always love you, no matter what."

Sometimes teens seem so self-assured we think we as parents are irrelevant.

Not true! Every survey of teenagers says they want their parents' respect and value their parents' opinions more than any of their peers.

When we speak love we give them what they need most. If we doubt that's true, all we have to do is ask ourselves what we want and need.

Widen the circle

Let's not stop there. Our kind words can lift the hearts of people around us, too.

Picture the mom whose kids are acting up in the Food Court at your local mall, the one who looks frazzled and beat. What if you stopped and said to her, "You have a beautiful family. I can see in your eyes how much you love your children."

What about the co-worker who seems depressed? What better opportunity to point out some instances when they helped you or someone else? Small kindnesses can make a difference in someone's day.

Or suppose you were chairing a women's event at your church. Someone spills punch all over the serving table. You keep smiling as you mop up the mess. Imagine if one woman told you, "Good job! I watched you calmly deal with the crisis moment and you really have a way with people."

Wouldn't you treasure her words?

Kind words are as sweet as cool water to parched lips–and they cost us nothing

If we put on eyes to see and mentally walk in someone else's shoes we'll know what they need to hear.

The big surprise is that we get back what we give out. If by our words and actions we give out love and kindness, that's what we'll receive in return. It's never too late to begin, even if it feels forced at the beginning.

This is not new theory. Solomon and the Apostle Paul wrote:

Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word lifts us up . . . Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.

  Proverbs 12:25 (The Message) and Ephesians 4:29 NIV

This is hardest to maintain within our marriages and families, because both are 24/7 and we have no place to hide.

When we blow it–and we will–we lay our failures at the cross of Jesus and begin again.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV

How can we change from within? Where do we start?

And exactly how does that work? I know no better answer than this:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

When we trust in Jesus, we have a Helper who walks with us through every day and gives us strength to become the individuals who brighten the world we live in. Because our words lift up the people around us.

And isn't that who we want to be?

Blessings from one who learned to mind her mindset,

Lenore

You can change your world with your words

November 5, 2021
Remember when we were little and we proudly declared, "I'm gonna do something important when I grow up!"

Most of us lost that certainty and we toned it down as the years went by. Besides, our definition of "important" changed–and that's a good thing.

Some people have a mental pecking order when it comes to jobs. Sorry to tell you, but that's an outdated concept.

Sometimes a job is much more than it seems

Mitzi works in a child care center. She earns little more than minimum wage, but she loves kids.

Some days the babies cry all day and toddlers cling. On those days sometimes she would like to turn around, walk out the door and never come back.

But she stays, knowing she's "security" for the little ones in her charge.

The moms and dads love her because it's plain to see that Mitzi loves their children. They often confide in her because she always lets them talk. What's more, she takes time to listen. Mitzi raised three children of her own, so she often passes on practical tips from her own parenting.

More than one young mom has said to her, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Mitzi. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants as a mom and I don't have anyone else to ask. You are a lifesaver!"

George is "just a janitor" in a middle school.

He has a small cubbyhole "office" where he eats his sack lunch and puts his feet up between chores.

Each year at the beginning of the school year he makes sure to spread the word to students just coming in that he wants to be helpful. He lets everyone know it's okay to stop by his office and if he can help them, he will.

There might as well be a sign that reads "Counselor" over the door to his tiny room. Every day one or a few kids stop by. They talk and he listens. Sometimes he asks leading questions that turn their thoughts in a new direction. He takes the time, even if they still hang around after the end of a long school day.

Always, George takes care that his door stays open.

When a student finishes talking it out George usually assures them that he can tell they are strong and that he knows they will work it out. Most of the time that's all they need.

Sometimes he advises them to talk to a particular teacher or counselor. If he spots a youngster who seems deeply troubled, he quietly alerts faculty members who could come alongside.

Every now and then a kid will tell him, "You're my best friend in all the world, George. Nobody else cares."

Sandy worked behind the counter of a roller skating rink

On weekends and vacation times that rink also served as a hangout for middle- and high-schoolers with too much time on their hands. Her official job was to check everyone in and hand out skates.

Sandy didn't stop with that. She also settled arguments, usually by listening to both sides and then helping the kids get a better perspective. Her clear eyes saw everything, including young couples who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

"They're good kids, most of 'em," she said, "but a few have no one at home because their parents work late. That's why they hang around here–and why they talk to me. Some of their questions are 'lulus,' let me tell you! Everything from faith to sex to fear their parents might be getting a divorce."

That's when Sandy smiled, her face alight with real affection. "They need someone they can talk to. That makes me glad I can be here and that I have time to listen. I give out lots of hugs and I get hugged back. I guess for some of those kids I'm like another mom–and it's good for me to be needed, too."

Let's drop the word "just" when talking about what we do

You're not "just" a mom or a dad. You are raising the next generation. What could be more important than that? You are the one(s) in charge of your family's life and almost certainly, you set the tone for the atmosphere in your home.

You're not "just" a senior with time on your hands. You can use that extra time in so many ways, with your family, in your church and/or in your community. You are available and that enables you to be a blessing in ways that weren't possible earlier in your life.

You're not "just" a caregiver for a loved one. You are the one who–probably more than you know–makes it possible for that family member to feel still loved and valued, in spite of needing care.

You're not "just" a nurse or nurse's aide. You are the one who has the most direct contact with patients. You care for them–and probably with a smile that doesn't quit. You speak hope when they are depressed and encourage them.

You're not "just" the employee who keeps the business or restaurant tidy, including the restrooms. Because of your quiet work in the background, customers relax and feel confidence that things are done as they should be.

The list goes on and on. Endlessly.

Adding value to what we do as individuals

However we spend our days we can make life better for ourselves and others without much extra effort, often with words alone.

It's as the writer of Proverbs says in 25:11 (ESV):

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

A friend suggested the other day that instead of the cliche, "Have a nice day," we Christians easily could say, "May God give you a good day."

Or when someone asks, "How are you?" we could do better than reply with our standard "I'm fine." We could answer with something like, "I'm blessed and thankful, and I hope you are, too."

Suppose we took the words of the Apostle Paul seriously

Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV

What if you and I made it our "job" to live out those words? Whatever else we do each day, we could embody these truths and let it come through in our ordinary conversations and our everyday responsibilities. Think how that could change our days–and every interaction with other people.

This may sound small and unimportant, but trust me: The results(s) could be mighty.

Best of all, whatever our age or life situation, every one of can do this "small job, right now, wherever we are.

Ready, set, go!

Lenore

Forget the old definitions: There are no small jobs

October 29, 2021
Too many of us think some people are born happy and some aren't

These folks think if you're a Grumpy Gus or a Gloomy Grace, well, that's that.

Sorry, that excuse doesn't work any more. Like so many other things we "knew," this one turns out not to be true.

This will sound too simple, I know, but studies show that all we have to do is start smiling.

Over the years several teams of researchers–at University of California-Berkeley, at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and a group of psychiatrists in Australia–have arrived at the same conclusion: Smiling is good for us.

Even when we don't start out in a particularly happy mood. Honest.

First we decide to smile and then form our mouths into a big smile. Researchers concluded just that simple action moves our brain activity "in the direction of spontaneous happiness."

That is to say, it's the act of smiling–with or without the mood to match–that influences our brain chemistry and brings feelings of pleasure and happiness.

There's more: Smiling improves our health

Even if we're having a miserable day and feel as if we're faking it.

Researchers say forming our lips into a smile–often–affects several functions of our mind and body in a positive way, including:

Our sense of well-being and our outlook on life

The strength of our immune system

Our blood pressure

Our self-control

Our ability to withstand stress

Even our balance

Smiling also releases endorphins (natural painkillers) and serotonin (a natural anti-depressant.)

Be sure you "smile right"

Way back in the 19th century a French physician, Dr. Duchenne, found the smile that counts is the kind that crinkles the corners of your eyes, which he labeled, "the authentic smile of happiness."

In 2001, UC-Berkeley researchers studied the expressions of a large number of women. They found half the women really smiled and they were the ones who were the ones who were more successful, more contented with their lives and more likely to be married.

Their study was replicated in 2006 by Australian psychiatrists, who reached the same conclusions. They discovered those who smiled only "a mouth smile," a.k.a., a social smile, may not reap the same health benefits.

What does all this mean for you and for me? Smiling–really smiling–is good for our mood and our minds and also good for our health. That's a lot of benefit for a small (and very achievable) effort.

That means we can learn to be happy

This is freedom, my friends! Not one of us is a "prisoner" of whatever temperament we were born with.

You and I are free to choose to:

Look for the good in people and in every situation

Smile, really smile, often

Read and watch on-screen what buoys us up

Steer clear of individuals who "look for the gloomy side of life"

Spend time with people who stress what's good and positive

Encourage others and get the lift that comes from seeing others smile

Sure, there may be people in our lives that don't exactly specialize in spreading joy. They may even be individuals we love and live with. What then?

Here's a place to start: Let go of the tension of trying to change anyone else. (It's not possible, anyway.)

Each of us is responsible only for our moods.

Laughing fosters health, too

Years ago Norman Cousins wrote a book, "Anatomy of an Illness." He had been diagnosed with a painful auto-immune disorder and doctors did not give him a good prognosis. After weeks in the hospital he finally checked himself out and into a nearby motel. Then he had family and friends bring him funny videos.

Over and over he watched "Abbott & Costello," "Candid Camera" and any number of television and movie comedies. He thought of them as his medicine–and they were. Norman Cousins found that after watching an hour or so of such programs–and laughing frequently–his pain went down and he could sleep.

What's more, Norman Cousins confounded his doctors by getting well.

Later, he lectured at medical schools, telling doctors of his experience and urging them to introduce their patients to humor instead of simply increasing their pain medications.

That wouldn't have surprised the writer of Psalms

You may remember that in Psalm 15:13, he wrote,

"A joyful heart is good medicine …. "

God gave David that truth centuries before Norman Cousins or any research on how smiling affects brain chemistry.

No surprise. Of course our Creator knew from the beginning that a joyful heart–and smiling–lifts our mood and improves our outlook on life.

A joyful heart naturally makes for happier relationships. Whatever our age. Whether married or single.

The Apostle Paul spelled it out for us

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.                                                                                    Philippians 4:8 ESV

Think about these things–and let the rest of it go.

The message is clear: No matter what mood we wake up in let's decide to smile.

Instead of being so quick to nitpick and pounce on what's wrong, let's look for what's good in our everyday lives. Let's learn to laugh at small things–and especially at ourselves.

Besides, who wouldn't rather have laugh lines than frown lines?

Learning, still,

Lenore
An easy way to raise your happiness level

October 20, 2021
Even when we know our life is good, it can feel overwhelming at times

Even if we're living out our dream. Even when we know we're blessed. Even–surprisingly–though we may be living our dream.

Today, when that old, old feeling strikes me, I go back to what I discovered as a frazzled young mom.

Living on overload was dragging me down. But how to get a grip?

Was I praying? Absolutely. I could see God's goodness in our life, but most days I felt myself hustling just to keep up on the basics.

I needed more. I needed some sort of a practical action plan. A stronger, wiser way of looking at people and my life.

From that crisis point I went back to school, so to speak. Any tidbit of time I could manage I first read the Bible and fed my soul. I scoured our daily newspaper and clipped useful articles. I tore out magazine articles and pored over good self-help books. I kept a notebook where I copied out the best sections and jotted down notes.

Enter Dr. Crane, who offered advice, free for the taking

His column ran regularly in our newspaper. His down-to-earth approach to life appealed to me. This professional's syndicated column, "Dr. Crane Says," ran in newspapers all over the USA. Later I learned his column already had been running for decades when I found it for myself.

Each time I found useful pointers for living. Even then I knew it was genius to take lengthy principles for mental health and boil them down to their essence, so that readers of any educational level could understand them.

Back then it seemed groundbreaking when Dr. Crane's "Just for Today" piece appeared. Over the years I noticed he reran it periodically, always explaining it cut down on constant requests for reprints.

The first time I read it I taped it to a cupboard door and reread it at least once a day. His simple wisdom painted a picture for me of what it would look like to live richly and feel I had some control over my life. It laid out a clear track that anyone could follow.

Recently I ran across this old friend again

Obviously, I'm not the only reader who prized Dr. Crane's practical wisdom. Since this piece now is in the public domain, I pass it on in its original 1921 version. May you, too, find these timeless words useful and helpful. Even today, they speak to my heart. May they speak to yours, too.

                                                        JUST FOR TODAY

Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning.

They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work.

These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

2. Just for Today, I will be Happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of Externals.

3. Just for Today, I will Adjust myself to what Is, and not try to Adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

4. Just for Today, I will take care of my Body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

6. Just for Today, I will exercise my Soul. In three ways, to wit:

    (a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.

    (b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

    (c) I will not show any one that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but Today I will not show it.

7. Just for Today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

8. Just for Today, I will have a Programme. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests, Hurry and Indecision.

9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

10. Just for Today, I will be Unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be Happy, to enjoy what is Beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love love me.

Even today, in 2021, the plan points us toward sound mental health, doesn't it? Most refreshing of all, there's not one word of controversy or fear or politics.

Does the list sound too daunting to master? First let's remind ourselves this is a list to work toward, not one one which we either pass or fail. It's like a road map that points toward an attractive destination.

Besides, we're not in this alone. Today and every day, our Best Friend is with us and strengthens us. Here's the key Bible verse that proves that.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.                                                             Philippians 4:13

Just for Today, with God's help, we'll make it through.

Still growing, too,

Lenore

How to make it through the not-so-good days

October 12, 2021
Lots of people believe that finding your own true love, marrying and even having children will guarantee a happy life.

Not necessarily. Certainly not every day without fail.

Some days "having it all" feels like too much to handle. Some days one or the other of you may you feel, um, under-appreciated.

I remember feeling a bit ignored one otherwise unremarkable morning. My husband and I had a happy marriage and I knew he loved me, but ….

I didn't complain, oh no, not me. I stayed quiet except for sighing big sighs and banging cupboard doors for emphasis.

My husband, preoccupied with getting to an appointment, didn't pick up on my cues. I surprised myself by announcing, "That's it!"

He checked his watch, sat down down on a kitchen stool and asked, "What's 'it'?"

I started spewing out my pent-up complaints and frustrations.

That dear man listened without a word. When I paused to breathe he said, "Look, Hon, I really do have to go. Let's talk about this tonight."

Then with a half-smile and a shoulder pat (instead of our customary kiss) he headed off to his day.

Trying to shift gears for my day

I had no time to feel sorry for myself because that afternoon I was to be the featured speaker at a women's gathering miles away. My already-announced topic? Marriage.

(Are you laughing yet?)

I was not in the mood to face an audience and speak on any topic, let alone marriage. Nevertheless, these women were depending on me, so I forced myself to concentrate on my notes and gather my thoughts.

Then I read aloud the old poem I planned to use as a wrap up. I had loved these lines for years, but this time the poet's words hit me right in the pride.

OUR OWN

If I had known in the morning
How wearily all the day
the words unkind
would trouble my mind, that
I said when you went away;
I would have been more careful, darling;
nor given you needless pain;
But we vex our own
with a look and tone
We may never take back again.

For though in the quiet evening
You may give me the kiss of peace;
Yet, it might be, that never for me
The pain of the heart may cease.

How many go forth in the morning
and never come home at night,
and hearts have broken
for harsh words spoken

That sorrow can never set right.

–Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

Before I got to the end . . .

Tears streamed down my cheeks and dissolved my list of grievances. I looked back on my complaints and recognized them for what they were: petty and self-centered.

And I heard a question drumming on and on in my mind: What about my husband's needs and wants?

Before I had prayed, "Oh, Lord, let him hear me."

Now I prayed, "Oh, Lord, let me hear You, always."

The line that would not let me go

I kept hearing one line from the poem, "How many go forth at morning who never come home at night!"

Any time my husband or children left to live out their days I had no guarantee I would see them again.

As I thought about that inescapable truth my heart dropped.

That very moment I promised myself that never again would I say hurtful words just before I parted from a loved one. Instead, I would smile and say, "I love you." Every time.

When I addressed the gathering of women I found myself giving a talk that included a lot I hadn't planned to say. Afterward, women came up and thanked me for my insights and examples.

My answer never varied: "It's only because God keeps teaching me through the life I'm living."

Truths more lasting than any poem

These were Christian women, after all, and I had nothing magical to give, but I did have God's Word. So I included some of the Bible verses that had swirled in my mind ever since my husband left for the day. Each one applies so well to living together as husband and wife.

Particularly the first verse, which that day seemed written just to me. The second is a familiar text often used at weddings. Both fit marriage relationships very well.

[Jesus said] "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye?" Matthew 7:3-4 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

When my husband and I reunited later that day . . .

I don't recall which of us got home first, but as soon as I saw him, I grabbed him and hugged him tight.

Then I asked him to forgive me for being snippy and told him again how much I loved him and how thankful I was to be his wife. He responded in kind. For the first time in awhile we concentrated on each other and talked. Really talked. About our life and our marriage and our personal needs.

Let's just say it was the start of a lovely evening.

Small insights can lead to clear thinking

How could I have missed remembering that my strong, silent husband needed my love and appreciation as much as I needed his?

How could I have forgotten love grows from giving love away, not from nursing hurts and waiting around for apologies?

Huge breakthroughs often happen in ordinary ways, on ordinary days.

As never before I saw myself and my faulty attitudes and realized I too often "went mountain-climbing over molehills."

That simple poem reminded me what mattered most in my life.

Over the years my husband and I grew in being open and honest with each other–and with ourselves–even though we thought we already were.

You might say that day that started out so wrong planted a new way to think–and it bore fruit within our marriage. It still does, within our wide, ever-growing family.

Fruit that is sweet.

May it do the same for you, my friend,

Lenore

For those days when home life feels bumpy

October 6, 2021
"Loose lips sink ships!"

That's a slogan from World War II, when our Government wanted everyone on the "Home Front" to stop "loose talk," that is, inadvertently revealing some sort of military info they had picked up from a conversation or a letter sent home from the War.

The phrase hangs around because it so aptly describes how the thoughtless words of one person can "sink" what's important to another.

As when we're with a good friend and mindlessly blurt out something like, “Well, I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but …."

Such tasty little tidbits may taste sweet. For a moment or two.

Then our stomach drops as we realize we passed on something we had no right to share. Perhaps it's something another person trusted us with, trusted us enough to feel sure we would keep it to ourselves.

Disillusionment

We thought we were better than that! We thought we had personal integrity!

Now it hits us. We can't unsay the words we weren't supposed to share. The person we said it to cannot unremember it. And who knows where it goes from here?

Sometimes we try to rebuild our own sense of who we are by telling ourselves, "Well, at least I'm not a gossip!"

Or are we?

I’ve learned gossip usually starts with one of these phrases:

“Now, don’t tell anybody, but . . .

“This is not for publication, but . . .

“I don’t know if this is true, but . . .

Any time we start a sentence with one of those phrases a big red flag should start waving in our minds. A clue that signals we are wandering into dangerous territory.

Even when we're "only listening," we have a responsibility to interrupt whatever words the other person wants to pass on.

After all, gossip is like the tango: It takes two.

Nothing has changed since Solomon warned against it centuries ago:

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. –Proverbs 26:20 NIV

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man [woman] keeps a secret. –Proverbs 11:13 NIV

And don't we all want to be known as trust-worthy?

Shut off the flow

By now you've figured out that I must have firsthand experience in all this–and I plead guilty.

It shocked me because never before had I used the word "gossip" about myself. Now I had to face the fact I, too, could be labeled a gossip–and I deserved that I.D.

Right then I didn't like myself very much and I truly wanted to change, so I turned to the Bible. I found Psalm 141:3, which hit home:

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!  ESV

This became my prayer. For a long time after, any time I was to be with friends I asked God beforehand to guide my words and to make me worthy if anyone chose to open up about their lives.

Thoughtless words matter, too

Words matter because words can cut deep.

I remember the time "Laurie," a good friend much younger than I, confided why she harbored some hurt feelings about a mutual friend. It seemed to me she went on and on about it.

So I, the self-appointed all-knowing one, replied, “Laurie, you just need a thicker skin. You need to learn not to be so sensitive. Besides, you’re probably making too much of it.”

A few minutes later I walked away congratulating myself for my wise advice.

Every friend of Laurie had heard her declare she was "too sensitive," so at the time I thought I just reminded her of that. Besides, she nodded her head and said, "You're right."

The rest of the story

Months later Laurie friend told me how those words stung. “I knew you loved me, so I let it pass. All my life people have been telling me not to be so sensitive and my mom always said I was 'tenderhearted.'

"It took me years to work it through that God made me who I am. Eventually I came to understand that’s not a bad thing. In fact, hurting people often tell me it helped them than I'm a good listener and I really care.

“Good or bad, yes, I am ‘sensitive’—and finally, finally, I know that’s okay.”

Yes, I knew Laurie has a gentle spirit, but I hadn't stopped to think my glib words could sound uncaring to her.

That's when I understood how deeply I had wounded this person I loved.

It reminded me of another truth. Any of us may complain about our own weaknesses, or even poke fun of them. But when another person repeats our same words back to us it can feel like an arrow to the heart. I don't like it and I'm guessing you don't, either.

It's another reminder of Luke 6:31:

Do to others as you would like them to do to you. LNT

Watching our words

Forget all the “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” stuff.

Not true. Words can inflict wounds that never heal.

Friendships die. Marriages fall apart. Parents and children become alienated from each other, all because one or the other vents their feelings in a moment of heat.

Blaise Pascal sums it up perfectly and points us to the better way:

Cold words freeze people, and hot words scorch them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful words make them wrathful. Kind words also produce their image on [people’s] souls; and a beautiful image it is. They smooth, and quiet, and comfort the hearer.

Doesn't that paint a lovely picture of how we're meant to relate to each other?

Pascal's words simply echo what we know by faith

Throughout the Bible we pick up the same thread, like this, from the Apostle Paul.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is good for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Can you imagine the ripple effects if we took Paul's words to heart?

It would transform our lives–and our relationships.

Where do we start?

For most of us, changing and growing is a gradual process. For Christians it's also a matter of praying, asking God to make us new and to show us how to live.

We resolve to think before we speak and to listen to our own words. We remember how often we fail at that so we ask God to help us. To indeed, set a guard over our mouth and to keep watch over our lips.

And always, we remember we are not on our own. Jesus is always with us and enabling us to carry out what he asks of us. Even zip up our loose lips.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Trusting, too,

Lenore
What to do about loose lips

September 27, 2021
Lately there's been a lot of angst going around

This seems like a good time to pass on a folksy little story that arrived in my Inbox one day. It always speaks pointedly to me. May it speak to you, too.

Just Another Day

The crusty old-timer slouched into the local coffee shop and settled himself onto the end stool at the counter. Then he winked at the waitress and said, "Gimme a big mug 'a Joe, Dearie."

This lady wasn't taking any guff from anyone. She stood up tall and said, "I am not your Dearie! My name is Daisy."

"My mistake, Miss Daisy. My name's Hector. Now pour me some of your good hot coffee, if 'ya please."

When his steaming cup of Joe arrived, he inhaled deeply and asked, "Got any sugar cubes, Ma'am?

"Yes, sir."

She handed Hector the sugar bowl and he dropped in a cube of sugar.

Then another.

And another. And another.

When he got to seven, Daisy pulled the sugar bowl away and said, "Listen, here, Mister, you don't need more sugar. Just stir up whatcha' got!"

That's wise counsel for living, too

Sometimes we discount what we already have and are, just because we're used to it.

The flood of self-help articles and reports and interviews that never stop all boil down to the same theme: You and I need to be more than we are.

According to these "experts," each with a favorite theory, you and I can achieve "more-ness" with (fill in the blank.) So we can grow. And stretch. And explore new horizons.

It's exhausting.

Learning and growing are good things, but most of these spokespeople proceed as if every human being is an exact copy of every other human being.

For Christians, that theory is pure bunk. The Bible tells us God creates every human being. Not with some sort of divine 3-D Printer, but with infinite care and his personal involvement.

Ponder this verse, Psalm 139:13, and think as you read it.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.   ESV

Each of us is one-of-a-kind

Even identical twins have their own individual fingerprints and personalities. You and I are not exactly like our siblings. Neither are our children, even when they all are the same gender.

Not one of us is "missing" some essential part of ourselves.

Can we grow and learn to understand ourselves better? Of course. Sometimes that happens as we live out our lives. Sometimes we may need to talk with our pastor or with a licensed counselor.

It's an imperfect world and none of us is perfect. It's a big step to acknowledge our weaknesses to ourselves. Be sure you don't overlook your individual strengths. Rather, give thanks for them.

The Bible tells us God equips each one of us to handle whatever He asks of us. That means each of us has what we need to live the lives He gives us. Remember, our lives are not over until our last earthly breath, so none of knows exactly what qualities we may need.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Keep tabs on what's already present–in your life, in your marriage and in your family

It is God who gives us our abilities and talents–and for a reason we may not yet understand.

Are there struggles even in strong marriages and families? Yes, for every one of us. Single or married, at any age, life is hard. Building a marriage is hard. Being a mom–or a dad–is hard.

If we expect perfect here on earth then our days may seem like too much to cope with. We just want it to stop.

That's dangerous thinking because we may spend our days in wistful longings and daydreams of better times and perhaps, "more perfect" people.

Once again the Bible shows us the better way to deal with difficulties:

Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:1 ESV

Build on what you already have

For example, if you're married and feeling ho-hum, why not try a bit of do-it-yourself effort?

Agree to make time for each other, just as deliberately as you make time for other appointments.

Choose a weekend or other time when neither of you has to report in for work. Then farm out your kids for a night or a weekend. Kidnap your husband–or wife–and head to a nearby hotel or motel. Live on room service (or McDonald's if money is tight) and each other's undivided attention.

(The same strategy works if you simply stay home in your own house. It's just harder to shut out all the chores that need catching up on.)

Often, a short time of concentrating on each other is all that's needed for a couple to rediscover their love, which can get covered up with job and kids and the "stuff" of everyday life.

We love because he [Jesus] first loved us . . . Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 John 4:19; 1 Peter 4:8 ESV

Get reacquainted with your children and get to know them now

Whatever their ages, take off your I-need-to-parent-you eyes. Instead, look–really look–at each child with eyes of love.

Think about their individual personality qualities: who they are. Notice how funny and unique each one is. Find ways to reinforce their positive qualities, maybe a note or a card or just saying you value those qualities.

Make time to be one-on-one with each child, so you can concentrate on each one. Being together strengthens family bonds–between parent and child and also between siblings.

As your children grow up, increasingly respect their right to have their own lives. (We wanted that for ourselves, didn't we? And don't we?)

As you would that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 ESV

Share more than food at mealtime

Eating together every day strengthens relationships within a family. All the research shows that especially with children and teens, this increases their own strength and inner security.

Mealtimes offer a built-in opportunity to connect. One powerful–and popular tool is to do Highs and Lows. Go around the table and each one shares from their day–while everyone else listens. (Make it okay to say "Pass" and remain silent.)

Each one can tell about their cares and issues to each other. Nothing formal, just each one sharing their days with each other and staying tuned-in. Lastly, parents and/or children pray and speak a blessing.

Stick with it and watch each one become more comfortable opening up to each other. A way to live out faith together.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 ESV

Let's get personal

Every so often take a closer look. Start by writing down at least ten good things about your life. Ten things, small things, "ordinary" things.

Then list what's good about you. And your husband. And your kids. Once again, this is not about achievements or "big stuff."

Keep your lists handy. Reread them when you're feeling uncertain or questioning the "whys" in your life. Or on those days when life feels meaningless. Even if you're not in the mood when you start, as you thank God for the gifts and blessings already yours, your heart will feel lighter.

Consider this one of the ways to "Stir up what you got!"

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:6-7 NKJV

Still learning, always,

Lenore

Still good advice: “Stir up whatcha got!”

September 20, 2021
The 20th anniversary of 9/11 occurs this year, 2021.

That day changed the way we Americans think and introduced all of us to a new kind of fear, an underlying anxiety.

Even now, television replays and photos of that day shock us and remind us of the ongoing horror and the sorrowful days that followed.

Some ask what good does it do to remember because no one can rewrite one second of that day?

Yet we must remember, if only to recall to our minds that 9/11 changed life as we knew it and ushered in extensive safety and security restrictions as "normal" in our daily lives.

Perhaps we need the annual reminder that life is fragile and each one of us is vulnerable at any moment of any day.

It could have been any of us that happened to be in the World Trade Center at that exact moment

Less than two months before 9/11, a friend and I sat in the the glass-walled Observation Tower on the top floor of one of those Twin Towers.

It was my first time in Manhattan and I loved it.

My husband and I lived in Washington state and I sang with a community choral group. In July of 2001 our Chorus traveled across the country to give a few concerts. New York City was to be our second stop.

First we sang for a large national church conference group in Washington, D.C.

Our performances ended mid-afternoon. That gave most of our chorus members ample time to head on over to the U.S. Capitol. We all knew from watching past Independence Day celebrations on TV that's what was scheduled for the evening of July 4th.

Now we–with no prior arrangements whatsoever–wanted to watch it up close and personal, so we decided to chance it whether we could find a place among the mass of attendees. After all, the hotel clerk said, "Just walk on over and find a place to sit."

A carefree July 4 in DC

About sunset a group of us singers/sightseers found empty spots where we could perch on the steps of the U.S. Capitol.

Not a barrier in sight. No fenced-off areas. All around us people were strolling about freely.

It seemed like a photo-shoot of America. The grounds were filled with folks of all ages and every color, many conversing in unfamiliar (to us) languages. Some people spread their blankets and picnics on the Capitol lawn. Some put out lawn chairs brought from home and positioned themselves to get the best view of the stage show and fireworks to come. Kids did what kids do, playing tag and running around between blankets and chairs.

We all mingled peaceably and it seemed every face wore a smile.

Those in our group talked of how amazing and wonderful it was that such large crowds could gather so close to the Nation's Capitol building. One said, "It all reminds you what it means to live in a free country, doesn't it?"

Not one of us imagined this would be the last time crowds assembled for Independence Day–or any day–would enjoy such freedom of access.

Next day we were off to New York City to give another performance

We had some personal time earlier in the day. My friend had been there many times and insisted we must go to the Twin Towers, because "Everyone needs to go up on top and just look out at least one time in their lives."

We took the elevator to the top, the Observation floor, which featured glass walls that stretched around most of that floor. We found empty seats in the front row and sat for perhaps 20 minutes with our knees pressed against the glass.

Then I walked all around the roomy space, awed by the evidence of God's creative hand in the beauty of land and sea and sky on all sides. That grandeur touched my heart way more than the works of man, the impressive skyscrapers that dwarfed the Empire State Building.

A couple of smiling security guards watched as we came in and when we left, simply observing the people who were there. Nothing more.

Nothing more was needed.

That night our Chorus performed at a concert hall, complete with orchestra. (I kept pinching myself.) Once again, no complex security requirements. Audience members needed only a ticket. We performers simply walked in the Stage Entrance. One Security guard, casually keeping watch. No hassle, just walk in.

My heart brimmed over on that trip and on our flight home, thanking God that I was able to be included in that "dream" trip.

And so blessed to live in these United States of America.

Who could have known these would be "before" freedoms?

On 9/11, life changed. For all of us. Never again would we take it for granted that we were safe, simply because we lived in the United States of America.

Ever since, there's been an underlying sense of fear and watchfulness, as if collectively, we were waiting for "next time."

Since 9/11, nobody without proper credentials strolls aimlessly through the U.S. Capitol grounds–or anywhere else in public buildings or grounds of Washington, D.C. Or in most other Government buildings, whether national or state.

How have we come safely through these past years? We may credit this Administration or that Administration. We may reel off a long list of agencies and personnel and give credit where, yes absolutely, credit is due.

Yet every expert in every field tells us the best efforts by the best people remain insufficient. No agency, no amount of armed guards, no amount of money spent for the latest defense equipment, can guarantee the safety of this Nation–nor of us as individuals.

Evil is real. Evil exists all around us, just as it has since Eden. To consider Evil an outdated concept is akin to burying one's head in the sand.

The ongoing lesson is this: Only one sure Defense exists

By now we all know very well that people and programs are not enough to keep us safe. We need Help that will never fail us. Where can we turn?

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 ESV

Every word of God is tested; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Proverbs 30:5 ESV

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31 ESV

As a Nation, as individuals, we could not be in better hands–on this day or any day of any year.

May God bless America, indeed, and keep us safe, both now and in the future!

And, Gentle Reader, may you know His peace in your heart and in your life, the peace that passes all human understanding.

Trusting and praying, too,

Lenore

Ongoing Lessons from 9/11

September 9, 2021
For a moment or two, let your mind wander and picture this . . .

You finally managed to buy your longtime dream, a home deep in beautiful, wooded mountain country in California.

Tranquil lakes and streams. Towering evergreens up close or on the next hill. Room to breathe. Peaceful, blessed quiet, except for the calming sounds of Nature all around.

However you spend your days, whether hiking one of the many trails that thread through the forest or just sitting in your front-porch rocker, you're at peace.

Several times a day you think, All those years I (or we) worked hard to get here and it was so, so worth it!

At night, looking into the deep blue sky and counting stars or watching the logs in your fireplace ebb down into embers, you say, "Life couldn't be better. What a blessing!"

And then comes the horror

For some, it came late at night, for others, in broad daylight.

Engrossed in what you were doing–or perhaps sleeping soundly–you're roused by someone pounding on your front door.

There stands a frantic smoke-blackened firefighter. He yells, "You must leave! NOW! You only have minutes! You have no time to grab any belongings. Just go!

"Get your family members and RUN!"

For any of us, life as we know it can fall apart in an instant

All it takes is a phone call. A bad fall. A car accident with devastating injuries. Biopsy or lab test results we prayed never to hear. Someone we love hit by disease or a heart attack. Or a devastating injury. Or death that claims the earthly life of one we thought we couldn't live without.

Or it may be "impersonal," such as a business closing–and with it, the end of a job or career that enabled us to pay the bills. Job changes that call for retraining–or starting over. A landlord that sells the home we live in, leaving us with nowhere to go that we can afford.

Whatever the cause, many of us have lived it, sometimes more than once. Or we know someone who has. In times like that, tragedy can overwhelm our spirits and snuff out hope.

How do we go on?

Whatever comes, we cling to Truth that outlasts any trial, any catastrophe

When we're in pain because our world is falling apart, it feels natural to lapse into anxiety and fear. We're tempted to pull our pain around us like a warm quilt. Why not? Everyone would understand.

Here's the question each of us must answer for ourselves: Is that really how we want to live?

Most of us would answer "No."

Still, how do we hold it together? How do we find strength to go on?

Answer: We do the hard thing: We fight for it.

We deliberately–as if we were changing channels on a TV–fill our minds with reminders from the Bible that our kind and merciful God has not turned his back on us.

We repeat the verse or verses aloud if that's the only way to drown out the fear. We whisper them at night when we cannot go to sleep, sometimes over and over until sleep comes.

Start with reassuring Bible verses like these

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. –Psalm 46:1-2

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. –Deuteronomy 31:8

I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. –John 16:33

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.   –Isaiah 41:10

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. –John 14:27

Make these verses–and others like them–the refrain of your life

Promise yourself you will stop saying–and thinking, "I don't know how I will get through this."

Say instead, "With God's help, I will get through this. Moment by moment. Day by day."

When fear intrudes–and it will, mentally shout "Stop!" and emphatically turn your thoughts to the One who loved us enough to die on the cross so that we can be at peace with God.

He is the One who told his followers–and us: "Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." –Matthew 28:20.

We do not walk alone.

We do not face our troubles on our own.

Whatever comes into our lives, God will give us the strength to get through whatever comes.

In every situation, we depend on Him, not on ourselves. And so we survive–and get through–whatever comes.

Hanging on tight,

Lenore

Here’s help for when life falls apart

September 2, 2021