Author: lbuth0511de28fc

  • A lot of moms tell me they wish they could go back and start again–if they could already be equipped with what they know now.  

    "Next time," they say, "I wouldn't get so uptight, always wondering if I was doing it right. I would be calmer, more patient. I would just enjoy every moment so much more!"

    Blog. Mom. 3 generations. 5.16 (2017_08_21 00_15_50 UTC)Can you identify with that feeling? I can. 

    I loved our four daughters with all my heart and sincerely tried to be a good mom. Later I understood that I tried so hard I made myself uptight.

    If I were starting over . . .

    First of all, I'd relax, knowing it's more important to get enough rest and stay cheerful than to be sure no dust bunnies hide in the corners.

    My To Do list would take second place to the joy of simply being there. Being present with the children God gave us and letting myself experience the joy more fully.

    Yes I know, that sounds kind of other-worldly.

    The truth is, there's nothing more real than taking joy in the moment in which you are living.  The joy of watching each child's personality come through. 

    Sometimes we parents ask ourselves, Who are these little people? That can't be clearly defined, since every person is a combination of all the family members who went before, not just their birth mother and father.

    It's a mystery and a joy–if we let it be.

    We moms get to be in on this unfolding. We get to care for and guide and influence these mystery beings who in one sense march to their own drummers and in another, march to whatever tune we pipe their way.

    That's a heavy responsibility. And an awesome privilege.

    We see the parts, not the whole of our children's lives

    We can't foresee how quickly our little ones will grow up, take control of their lives and make their own decisions. At first I imagined what our girls thought or did would be an extension of my husband and me and what they'd learned in our home.

    It wasn't long before I realized that each one was her own person. That showed even more clearly as they grew into the teenage years and became adults.

    I shouldn't have been surprised. Hadn't I always said God only creates one of a kind?  

    Being a mom is an exercise in giving

    Not one of us who's a mom comes out of it the same as we went in.

    And that's a good thing!

    Being a mom quickly throws ice water on any traces of a me-centered mode of living. Screaming babies who need to be nursed or have their diapers changed bring an urgency that supersedes our own needs. 

    Through all the years . . .

    We keep learning and growing, stretching to accommodate what sometimes strikes us as the "shocking ideas" of our kids and grandkids. Still, we want to be fair so we evaluate it. Often we find ourselves thinking, Hmmm. I never thought of it that way.

    That's a good thing. It keeps us from growing barnacles as we sit in our safe harbor of already knowing absolutely what we think about everything.

    God never meant us to stay stuck in our thinking. At any age He expects us to be growing, because only He knows what He would have us become over a lifetime.

    Whatever age your children or mine may be, however we may applaud or decry their lifestyles, only God can see the whole of their lives. And so we keep praying.

    Our kids bring out our best side

    Poet Roy Croft wrote a poem titled "Love." It's often used at weddings, but I think these lines express what many of us would say as we think about how rearing our children has changed us: 

    I love you,
    Not only for what you are,
    But for what I am
    When I am with you.
    I love you,
    Not only for what
    You have made of yourself,
    But for what
    You are making of me.
    I love you
    For the part of me
    That you bring out ...

    Being a mother changes us

    Our children grow and so do we. That's reason enough to thank God.

    None of us knows what tomorrow will bring. Don't let this Mother's Day pass without expressing your love to your mother while you can.

    From now on let it become your resolve to write your children and tell them what they mean to you and how proud you are to be their mom–not just on Mother's Day, but every day. You will bless their lives and also your own.

    Love never needs a special day as an excuse to be spoken. Or written. So any day of the year let your love flow freely. The more you give away, the more you get back. 

    And wouldn't each child, whatever their age, welcome a bit of extra encouragement and assurance from their mom? 

    Blessings and much joy to you,

    Lenore

    Being a mom: What I wish I had known

  • "Did you ever … ?"

    Those three words can trigger a flood of memories, can't they?

    Blog. Ecclesiastes mom. 2.16Like the time a friend asked, "Did you ever read the book of Ecclesiastes?" Out of nowhere popped up the memory of a weekend when a few Bible verses became my lifeline. 

    I needed one. For no reason I could figure out, I felt I was drowning in motherhood and in danger of losing who I was forever. 

    Don't get me wrong. Our life was good. My husband and I loved each other dearly. No big problems, good health, four great kids. Any fool would be thankful. 

    Wouldn't they? Shouldn't they?

    Still, I yearned for something, because I was tired of feeling moody and unsettled. 

    All I knew for certain was I wanted to get back my usual sense of peace and well-being.  

    One Friday I read a tiny newspaper announcement about a weekend workshop for women

    Over lunch I told my husband, "Wish I could go. It's only an hour's drive from here, but it starts tonight." (Cue in big sigh.)

    Then that terrific man I married (who wanted his happy wife back) surprised me. "Of course you should go! The girls and I will be just fine."

    I hugged him and right away called the number listed. Yes, they had space. Hallelujah!

    I dressed and packed in a frenzy of anticipation. I knew only that the speakers would be Christian women from a neighboring state. A few hours later I waved and blew kisses and drove away feeling giddy at the prospect of 48 hours with nobody yelling, "Mommy!"  

    When I checked into the hotel I found my room and for a little while, I just basked in the quiet.  

    Then I walked into a ballroom full of women I didn't know. I didn't mind because it suited me just fine to be anonymous. All I wanted was time for me and perhaps to pick up some useful tips for living.

    Handouts told me the conference theme was Ecclesiastes–which I confess, I didn't know much about.

    Five minutes into the first speaker's talk, I knew why I was there.  

    Identifying the root of my discontent

    As I listened to the speakers and read the verses I began to understand my blue mood. During the previous few months I had watched and listened to a lot of "experts" and talking heads, all enthusiastically promoting almost identical themes. Magazine articles trotted out "reinforcements" for what sounded in those day like startling findings: 

    • I owed it to myself to "accomplish" something so I could be fulfilled.
    • Just being a wife and mother could never satisfy my deepest needs, only waste my potential for greatness.
    • Any woman who allowed a man to "dominate" her or influence her decisions was a fool–even if she thought herself blessed to be married to a good, sweet man who loved her, as I was. 

    Even though I had not consciously bought into these "new" theories, that weekend I knew they had lodged insidiously within my mind and heart.

    Little by little, the repetition from all sides painted my thinking in a wash of dull gray.

    Learning from Solomon

    Without quite being aware of it I brought that mindset to the conference. No wonder this theme verse leaped out at me: 

    Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind …   Ecclesiastes 2:11  NIV

    That first night we focused on Chapter Two, where Solomon relates his goals and dreams and also his great wealth and achievements. Yet all he felt was emptiness.

    Our speaker asked us: Had we ever felt empty and as if our lives were pointless? Women all over the ballroom nodded in agreement.

    I thought of all the voices telling me to look out for No. 1 and I heard Solomon's phrase drum in my mind: "chasing after the wind."

    Next day's workshops looked at life, marriage and the joy of growing a family

    Our leader stressed the great privilege God bestows when he entrusts us with a child.

    It matters not whether we become birth parents or step-parents or whether we adopt a child. It's even true when we are rearing children in place of someone else. 

    Every day moms (and dads) help shape the next generation. Every day we plant faith and values that will carry over into the lives of our children and through them, into our grandchildren and stretching into the future. 

    What's more, our children are watching and listening in as we adults live our lives, picking up clues on how to do it. Like good detectives they pay as much–and maybe more–attention to our actions as they do to our words.  

    That packs every minute of every day with lasting meaning and significance.

    During that brief workshop the truth of that statement gently smacked me on the head and got my attention, then moved in to stay. I saw it clearly. My life had purpose and meaning, just as it was. I already lived a life that mattered.

    Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing the wind.   Ecclesiastes 4:6  NIV

    Simple words, yet they reminded me who I was–and who I wanted to be   

    That weekend I got my right attitude back. I saw clearly the contrast between empty theories and Truth that stands the test of time. My heart danced as I thought how blessed I was to have a strong marriage and healthy children.  

    I cherish the memory of that weekend when God spoke to me through the speakers and through Ecclesiastes. He replenished my spirit and got me back on track. He gave me eyes to see. 

    He has made everything beautiful in its time … I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all [their] toil–this is God's gift to [mankind.]   Ecclesiastes 3:11a; 12-13  ESV

    No longer would I look "out there" to set my standards and gauge my "fulfillment" by someone else's measuring stick.  

    I drove home singing–and praying, impatient to hug my husband and daughters. After that weekend nothing changed about my life but me.

    And that changed everything.

    Praying you may see the value of what you do every day!

    Lenore

    On learning again that all we need is eyes to see what matters most

  • "Are we there yet?" 

    Blog. Bored boy in car. 4.21That's the wail of every child stuck in the back seat on a long drive.

    Our grown-up laments over the course of this past year often carried that same whiny tone and for the same reason. This "trip" feels endless and the "scenery" isn't that interesting.

    If this were a game we could howl "They keep changing the rules!"

    Trouble is, it wasn't–and isn't–a game. This is real life and real people. Real pain. Real loss.

    And still, we're trapped in this "thing" that just keeps rolling along for what seems like forever. 

    One fact stands firm

    Whatever is–or isn't–going on, this day is the only day you and I have to live in. This moment. This second.

    The past is behind us and can't be replayed. The future, as always, remains unknown until we are living it. Today is all we have. 

    Some of us are muddling through a really hard time. For others it's disturbing that life feels so beyond our control. Some endured so much pain and so many losses we want to give up. Life is just too hard.

    Yet in the middle of all this we still have choices. 

    Shall we curl up in a corner of the room and cry? Or wallow in the muck of what's wrong and scream out our rage? Lots of us just grit our teeth and put up with whatever comes.

    The better choice is to take stock of what we have left and rejoice that we have come this far.

    You and I are still here, but not because we're smarter than everyone else. We are alive and breathing, by the goodness of God. In any and every situation, that alone should cause us to rejoice and be thankful.  

    Discover meaning in the mess

    Here's what I've found. When I'm feeling dry and dusty, it's useless to try and dredge up joy from inside. Faking it sounds, well, fakey.

    Someone we used to know loved to say, "You gotta put the good stuff in if you wanna get the good stuff out."                               

    There's no better "good stuff" than what we find in the Bible. The truths it contains are as essential to our souls and our spirits as pure water is to our bodies.

    That's because no matter how shaky life may feel to us, the truth of the Bible stands strong and constant. That's why people all over the world make time to read and study these timeless words. 

    Don't look for the "right way" to do it. Just figure out what works for you. Some people wake up before their families because they like the quiet time and no interruptions. Others prefer to close their days with time in the Bible. Choose print or read the Word on a screen. Or download one of the many available Bible apps so you always have it with you.  

    The power is not in the how and when and where we read the Bible. The power is in how the Holy Spirit works through these truths and changes us from the inside out.

    Store up the "Good Stuff" 

    Think of it as something like a bank account. Depositing Bible truths and promises in our minds gives us something to draw out when we're feeling overwhelmed.

    It's easy to underline verses that speak to our hearts and then to mull them over later. The blank pages at the back of the Bible prove a handy place to jot down notes so you can find favorite verses easily.  

    Then when we run dry we can easily go back to those marked verses. Here are some of mine, all NIV.   

    "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28     

    "Let not your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me … Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:1, 27              

    But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us … Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.  Romans 5:8; 8:1-2  

    The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.  Psalm 29:11 

    Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.    Psalm 34:4

    The Bible revives our tired hearts

    Verses like these reset our internal guidance systems and wash away our anxieties. They refresh our hearts, like a splash of cool water on a hot day.

    Life is a journey, they say, and we get bored. We get weary. When we lose our way, we know where to turn for guidance.

    And when we know where we're going and who is watching over us, keeping us safe, we can get through this "road trip" with joy. 

    Still growing,

    Lenore

    Find strength for your journey

  • Whether this lovely story is fact or folklore, it has a message for us all as we try to cope with the challenges of life

    The mother of a young son, let's call her "Amelia," read in her morning paper that the world-famous pianist Igor Paderewski was giving a concert in their city. Right away she telephoned the box office and reserved two tickets.

    She had good reason to want those tickets.                                                 Blog. Boy at piano. 1.16

    The night before, her otherwise-sweet son, "Aiden" had marched out to the kitchen and said, "Mama, I hate taking piano lessons and I hate practicing every day and I wanna quit! Now!"

    Amelia told him he could have a break for a couple of days. Then she racked her brain for what to do.

    That's when she read of the concert

    Once she had ordered the tickets she told her boy, "We'll talk about piano lessons next week, Aiden. But first you and I are going to have an adventure. A famous piano artist is visiting our city that day. His name is Igor Paderewski and he performs all over the world. I really want to hear him, but I don't want to go to that concert alone.

    "How about I take you out of school on Thursday and we can can go downtown together? If you'll go with me we'll have hamburgers and ice cream sodas or whatever you want for lunch. Then after the concert is over I'll take you to my favorite dessert place and you can order anything you want."

    What kid would turn down an offer like that?

    The day of the concert the pair arrived early at the concert hall

    Soon after they found their seats Amelia spotted an old friend a few aisles over and went down to say Hello.  The two hadn't seen each other for over a year, so they didn't stop with Hello.

    Within a few minutes her son did what young boys do. He whistled and fidgeted and squirmed in his seat. After a few minutes he went exploring. Eventually Aiden came to a door marked, "No Admittance" and walked through it.

    As soon as the house lights dimmed and the audience grew quiet, his mother returned to her seat. That's when she discovered her son was missing.

    Just then the stage curtains parted

    Spotlights from above and footlights from in front focused on the huge, gleaming Steinway grand piano in the middle of the stage. There sat her Aiden at the keyboard, calmly plunking out the only song he knew from memory: "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

    Before Amelia had time to think the great piano master walked onstage. The audience greeted him with loud applause as he quickly moved to the piano.

    Aiden never noticed.

    At this his mother sank low into her seat, blushing bright red and dreading what would come next.

    The great maestro leaned down and whispered into the boy's ear and the youngster kept playing

    Paderewski stood behind Aiden and reaching down with his left hand, he began filling in a bass harmony. Soon he stretched his right arm around the other side of the child and added a running counter-melody.

    Together, the master and the young boy made beautiful music and kept the audience mesmerized through several variations. At the end of the piece, they shook hands solemnly and bowed. The audience clapped and cheered as an usher escorted Aiden off the stage. 

    That performance became a one-of-a-kind experience that kept everyone in the concert hall talking long after–especially Amelia.

    Over their hot fudge sundaes, Amelia asked Aiden, "I saw that Mr. Paderewski whispered in your ear. What did he say?"

    "Aw, nuthin' special. He just said, 'Don't quit. Keep playing.' So I did."

    Paderewski died in 1941, but the message of that tale is as fresh as a new calendar page

    "Don't quit. Just keep playing."

    So you and I do our best to meet the challenges of our lives, but the results aren't exactly graceful and flowing. We flounder on, playing our own version of "Twinkle, Twinkle … . " 

    At last we turn for help to the One who knows us best. 

    With Him, our oh-so-ordinary efforts often come together to be more than we could have imagined. The music of our lives becomes more beautiful than we could ever make on our own.

    So the next time you set out to accomplish something that scares you silly, or you're at the end of your strength, stop and listen carefully. You'll hear our loving Lord whispering, "Don't quit. Keep playing."

    His strong hands are with us always, lifting us, helping us, enabling us to cope.  

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.   Isaiah 41:10 

    Our task is simply to keep going and keep on trusting. It's as Solomon said in Proverbs 3:5-6, here from The Message paraphrase:

    Trust God from the bottom of your heart, don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.

    No better advice for living could be found anywhere. I've found this promise to be true in my life.

    How about you? 

    Still growing,

    Lenore

    Help for when you’re feeling in over your head

  • Are you tired of the same old, same old and looking for a lift?

    That feeling comes easy in times like this, when we're weary of uncertainty and warnings day after day and restrictions about this and that.  Blog. Husband. Wife. 3.18

    It's tempting to fixate on what's wrong with our lives. Or our spouse. Or our kids. Our jobs–or lack of same. The four walls we live in.

    Right away we post those faults front-and-center on the bulletin boards of our minds and we check it frequently. This gives us a handy reference when we're looking for something or someone to blame for our down moods.

    Any time we think of something new–and we will–we pencil it in at the bottom of the list.

    It's way too easy to go down that track. Trust me, a person could get stuck in that groove on the road to nowhere. 

    Molehills grow into mountains in no time. 

    Stick with the better way            

    Instead of a gripe list, what if we looked for reasons to be thankful instead of reasons to complain?

    Call it a Happiness List or maybe, a Blessings List. Or use a title such as, "What I love about about ____."

    Start with the ones you love most. Write their name at the top of a plain sheet of paper and list at least ten good things. Don't look for something huge like "Leaps tall buildings."

    It's okay to start with simple things of daily life like brushing one's teeth and throwing dirty socks in the hamper. If necessary, put on your rose-colored glasses. For example, if this one never praises the cook, do they gulp down their meals without complaint? Then write that down on your list. (Eating without comment is way better than eating with complaints, isn't it?)

    Do the same for each child–whatever their age–and in-law kids, if you have them. Ditto for individuals in your life who seem a problem. Look past troublesome areas and focus on their good points.  

    This may feel artificial, but remember your goal: You want to replace stinkin' thinkin' with the good stuff.

    Post your list(s) where you can't help seeing them. Read them at least once a day, sometimes out loud and always thoughtfully. Before long you'll find worthy qualities you overlooked before.

    Once we start focusing on what's good, we'll find more. This can't help but work positive change in relationships. 

    Put on your wider focus

    It's disturbingly easy to develop tunnel vision and get all wrapped up in ourselves and our wants and needs.

    The hard fact is we may not know what our loved ones are feeling. Sometimes it's because we're married to someone who bottles up feelings. Or perhaps we spend our days apart from each other and simply don't know the challenges the others face and what they deal with.

    It's likely the people we love don't know our deepest thoughts and concerns, either.

    It's possible to feel like a stranger with one's husband or wife, or while surrounded by one's family. 

    That makes every day time to talk

    Talk. Talk from the heart. That can feel awkward if it's not your everyday way of relating. 

    What's proven helpful for many is to do "Highs and Lows" each day.

    Don't fret about the "how-to." What matters is that each one feels comfortable and accepted so sharing doesn't feel risky. 

    First off, make it a ground rule that each person is allowed to feel what they feel–without teasing or criticism. Then while everyone is together around the dinner table:

    • Each family member shares the high point of their day.
    • Next, each one relates what felt to them like a low point that day–while the others listen.
    • (Keep it to "I messages," as in, "This is how it feels to me.") 
    • Wind up with each one speaking a blessing to the others.

    The answers we hear may alter our outlook a little or a lot. A Canadian proverb says it well.

    "Walk a mile in my moccasins to learn where they pinch." 

    Big changes often start with something small

    By now you may be thinking this gesture is too minor and undramatic to make any difference. Au contraire, my friends. 

    Gazing at the world through the perspective of people we love helps draw us closer. We become less critical because we are more aware of how they think and feel–and they of us. As we better understand what they deal with our prayers become more real and in-touch.

    By the way, this is never a one-time-for-always-and-done thing. Keeping a loving, positive outlook is a daily battle within our minds. And hearts.

    By no coincidence that's where we're most likely to hit quicksand.

    If we're stuck in the muck, we need help to climb out

    I don't know about you, but I often stumble in my walk of faith. That's why I rejoice that changing my outlook is not all up to me. When we believe in Jesus as our Savior we can be strong, even when we feel weak. He is our Helper, remember?

    Here are some Bible verses to help us as we grow: 

    Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.  —Psalm 51:10

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  –2 Corinthians 5:17 

    So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  –Colossians 3:12-14

    Our call is to start where we are and trust God to help us. As we stick with our new resolve and keep on nurturing our relationships with love, keep on growing in faith, we will change–and our happiness level will keep rising. 

    Learning, too,

    Lenore

     

    How to raise your happiness level right where you are

  •    Blog. Family watching TV. 2.15More is caught than taught.

    The first time I heard this catchy phrase the truth of it grabbed me. I thought immediately of parents and children.

    Sorry, that's too easy. This phrase applies to all of us. At any age and any stage of life.  

    Let's face it, each of us is a sponge. Without even thinking about it we soak up the moods and attitudes of people we spend time with.

    If that's true for adults, think how much more that applies to children and teens.

    Certainly they are less-experienced and therefore, likely to be more gullible. In the usual school situation, they spend their days absorbing what teachers and textbooks tell them is true.  

    All the while, multiple choices of social media are as close as their fingertips–and many of them are downright dangerous. Any time of day or night they can easily connect with information they assume comes from "people who know." 

    Are we adults any better?

    How often do we check our cell phones? Or the Internet? Some of us stay glued to the Internet or TV from waking to bedtime every day. Media stars, books, newspapers and magazines color our opinions, too.

    Celebrities rave–for pay–about certain products. Talk show hosts with time slots to fill interview authors of books sent to them (free) by publishers. And we take it all in, often without much thought about what we just saw and heard.

    Then you or I or the people next door just "happen" to buy said product or book.

    Our children take their cues from us 

    Almost from the moment our kids pop onto the scene we become their main role models. I wasn't ready for that. Were you? 

    In no time I learned that little ones are all eyes and ears–and they don't miss a thing. Especially our bad habits.

    In their early years youngsters want to be "just like Mommy" or "just like Daddy." That's why they galumph around the house wearing our way-too-big shoes.

    It's one of life's mysteries how a youngster can go straight from that stage (it seems) to adolescence, when they announce the last thing they want is to be like either parent. 

    What do we do then? Ron Taffel, described as "a child-rearing expert," nails it:

    Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride.

    Still watching us 

    I used to think once our kids were grown we would have no influence on them. Not true.

    Even when they're adults who live perfectly fine lives on their own, our children unconsciously look to us as role models.

    In some instances that sounds contradictory, especially if a son or daughter seems bent on doing everything they can to be different from us.

    Think of it this way. They may keep an eye on what we do and say to track whether the standards we preached while they were growing up were just for them or for us, too. 

    When family tales are good for a laugh

    The bride was preparing a huge dinner for the couple's extended family. She planned to serve a baked ham and cut off the end of it before she put it in the baking pan. When her husband asked why, she answered, "Because Mom always did."

    When feast day arrived the young hostess asked, "Mom, I cut off the end of the ham like you always do and Jason asked why. I didn't know. Why did you always do that?"

    Her mother thought a bit. "I guess because Grandma always whacked off the end of the ham. Let's ask her."

    After Grandma stopped laughing she said, "Well, I had to. My only pan was too small for a big ham."

    That, my friends, is one of the ways lifestyles and funny little quirks can live on for generations.

    Every one of us is somebody's child

    We, too, carry around pluses and minuses we "caught" from our parents and childhood relationships. Sometimes it can take years before we understand that and see clearly. That makes it worth every once in awhile asking ourselves:

    How many traits and foibles of my parents do I still hang onto?

    Are they helping me or dragging me down?

    Which one(s) do I need to leave behind?

    If you want to shed some old thinking but you don't know how to change, don't give up. Here's the Good News: You don't have to do it on your own. You have Jesus on your side.

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come.  –2 Corinthians 5:17  ESV

    For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  –Philippians 4:13  NLT

    Start now, with baby steps. One at a time. Keep your eyes always focused on the One who makes all things new. 

    Best of all is when we can hang on to what was good in our growing-up years and combine it with what the Lord has taught us in our adult lives. 

    Learning and growing never stop–and aren't you glad of that?

    Lenore

    Who or what makes us who we are?

  • The debate never ends.

    You know the questions: Hasn't psychiatry replaced religion? How can the Bible, written so long ago, be relevant for today?

    After years of medical practice an American psychiatrist named J. T. Fisher offered his opinion.

    "If you were to take the sum total of all authoritative articles ever written by the most qualified of psychologists and psychiatrists on the subject of mental hygiene, ifBlog. Jesus. sermon on the mount. 7.10 you were to combine them and refine them and cleave out the excess verbiage, if you were to take the whole of the meat and none of the parsley, and if you were to have these unadulterated bits of pure scientific knowledge concisely expressed by the most capable of living poets, you would have an awkward and an incomplete summary of the Sermon on the Mount. And it would suffer immeasurably through comparison.

    "For nearly two thousand years the Christian world has been holding in its hands the complete answer to its restless and fruitless yearning. Here rests the blueprint for successful human life, with optimum mental health and contentment."

    — A Few Buttons Missing: The Case Book of a Psychiatrist, by J.T. Fisher, M. D., and L.S. Hawley

    Obviously, Dr. Fisher liked long sentences.

    True, but he didn't waffle and spoke in definite terms. (Kind of refreshing, don't you think?)

    He referred to Jesus' words in Matthew 5:1 to 7:29, commonly known as the Sermon on the Mount. Exactly where Jesus spoke these words remains uncertain. Many scholars think the crowds listening to him sat on the gently sloping hillside at the northwest corner of the Sea of Galilee.

    Read through these verses and you'll find much that's familiar like the Lord's Prayer. Phrases often used by believers and non-believers are here, too, like "salt of the earth" and "let your light shine."

    Suppose we could consult Dr. Fisher 

    We might ask for a prescription to stay sane in the midst of the craziness all around us.

    Based on his writings it's likely he might answer:

    • "Read a few verses from the Sermon on the Mount every day.
    • "Spend some time thinking about what you just read, then live it out.
    • "Do this every day and your mental and emotional health will improve greatly."

    Any of us can fill this prescription and take this medicine–with or without medical insurance. You see, there is no co-pay. It' has been paid in full, in advance, for every human being, for all time.

    Let the debate rage on–and it will

    Let it swirl around you, but don't let it color your outlook on life. Counter it with verses like these:

    "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? … Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? … Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."           Matthew 6:25, 27, 34

    I know from experience that if we focus our minds on Bible truth it's an effective way to stay calm.

    What matters most of all is that we know Jesus, the One who spoke those words and offers us peace-in-the-midst.

    Or as Dr. Fisher put it, the One who holds out the answer to all our restless and fruitless yearning: Himself.

    He knew an old truth that's still true now, even with all the advances in knowledge and technology: It matters what we allow into our minds. 

    In a time when our choices are dizzying, here's to filling our minds with the Good Stuff!

    Still learning,

    Lenore

     

     

    Psychiatry or the Gospel, which one brings mental health?

  • Blog. Bride. groom. 5.15Ask any bride or groom what they want from their marriage and they'll answer, "A happy marriage. One that lasts.

    "I just want to make him–or her–happy."

    On that happy day it's love, love, love all the way.

    You'd never hear one or the other proclaiming to their guests, "Once this day is over it's ME FIRST all the way!"

    That attitude kills love as surely as Roundup kills weeds. 

    After every wedding comes a marriage

    Over time it's easy to forget those promises and become wrapped up in ourselves and our own needs.

    • The rosy glow of the wedding fades and real life takes over.
    • No matter how well we knew each other before, being married strips away any remaining illusions. 
    • Day-after-day responsibilities wear us down.

    Then there's the bottom line. We simply don't have it in us to be always sweet, loving and unselfish. 

    We are human beings. Even believers saved in Christ and redeemed in Christ remain imperfect. 

    As the Apostle Paul put it in Romans 7:18-19 (NLT):

    And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can't. I want to do what is good, but I don't. I don't want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.

    I heard Paul's words in my mind every time I "forgot" to be the kind of wife I wanted to be.  

    After a long day, we're too exhausted to think–or care–about the needs of our husband or wife. 

    Then it's easy to give in to the "me first" mode.

    Yet Jesus loves us! Here's the rest of the story, from John 3:16-17 (ESV):

    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

    Tender plants need nurturing; so does a marriage

    Most marriages can survive spells when one or the other spouse is under pressure and has no time–or energy–for nurturing. If it drags on long-term the marriage may endure, but the joy will slowly seep out of it.   

    No wife wants to be neglected. Neither does any husband.

    If we want a strong marriage we're called to care more about our marriage and our spouse than having our own way.

    This is not to say one spouse always "wins" and the other "loses." It's more about attitude, how we think and how we speak–kindly and considerately or abruptly and absent-mindedly.

    Easy to do? Never.

    Is it worth it? Always.

    Old wisdom that's still true

    On the day my husband and I were married a sweet little lady gave me some advice: 

    "Dearie, treat him like a king and he'll treat you like a queen."

    If that sentence makes you see red because you think it's unfair and one-sided, consider this: Most husbands give back what they get.

    So do most wives. 

    (Can I hear an Amen?)

    Besides, who among us wouldn't like to live the life of a queen? Or a king?

    Three simple principles

    The story goes that someone found this carved on a tree at a Christian campground. I can't think of a better formula for maintaining a happy marriage:

    • God before we 
    • We before you
    • You before me

    Jesus said much the same thing in Mark 12:30-31:

    "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these."

    Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.  1 Peter 4:8  ESV

    This much I know for sure 

    In every situation, every time of life, every day, we can rejoice in what is, or we can bemoan what's missing.

    Always, we get to choose. And our choices dictate what comes next.

    Learning, always, 

    Lenore

    Build a lasting marriage on “we” instead of “me”

  • Have you "had it up to here" with all things connected with the Covid 19 pandemic?

    Most of us would shout, "Yes!"  

    Collectively and individually, we need a lift. Something like a catchy song that gets us all singing along and tapping our feet to its rhythm would help. That's what Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer gave our Nation in 1944.

    image from images.app.goo.glExhausted Americans were scraping bottom. World War II had dragged on since the December 7, 1941, surprise bombing raid on U.S. Navy ships docked at Pearl Harbor.

    All men between the ages of 21 and 45 already were registered for the draft, so thousands immediately were called to serve in the Armed Forces. With men off to war, women went to work in their place. Workers were needed now because the War Department issued continuing demands for heavy equipment and weapons of all kinds. 

    Nobody could–or would–predict when the War might end.

    Needs of the Military came first

    Civilians lived with rationing of everything from butter to meats to coffee to gasoline and tires. Homes in every block had small white flags in their front windows, each with stars. One star for each family member serving in the Armed Forces, red stars for the living, gold stars for the dead. 

    No Internet. No cell phones. No TV. Letters written by military personnel stationed overseas could take months to arrive.  

    Hearts were sad and desperation was setting in. Would this War never end?

    That's when Arlen and Mercer came out with "Accentuate the Positive." This song caused Americans–wherever they were–to smile and remember that no matter how dark it looked they still retained the ability to seek out and focus on the light. 

    Call it a prescription for staying positive

    Lyrics of the chorus give specific instructions:  

    • Accentuate the positive
    • Eliminate the negative
    • Latch on to the affirmative
    • Spread joy up to the maximum
    • Bring gloom down to the minimum

    With its snappy rhythms and happy lyrics, this song quickly proved a great morale-booster. Radios and jukeboxes played it over and over. In no time, everyone from Granny to Junior to G.I. Joe was singing along.

    The right words could do the same for us

    A lot of us are weary to the bone of one thing or another. We worry about our kids and we worry about jobs and money and what will happen next. Right now we've added all our fears concerning Covid 19.

    Each of us has our own list of what keeps us churning and tense.

    Suppose we turned our attention to what's good in the people we love and live around and refused to give in to discouragement. 

    Suppose we tried a better strategy. Imagine if we look for times they show kindness, unselfishness, or other character traits we want to see more of–and then tell them that makes our heart glad. 

    Married or single, at any age, we set the tone for our lives. Always, we choose what we emphasize.

    It's as the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8:

    And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worth of praise.   NLT

    (Do you think the songwriters took their cue from this verse?)

    More truths to refill our tanks

    Sometimes we may feel we have nothing left to give.  

    What helps most is to fill our minds with God's Truth, the Bible. Look for verses that seem just right for what's needed at the moment. 

    These three verses have been well-loved by Christians for centuries. Commit them to memory and you'll have them with you any time, anywhere

    God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.  Psalm 46:1-2 NIV

    By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me–a prayer to the God of my life.  Psalm 41:42  NIV

    I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  Psalm 4:8  NIV

    If you wonder why I so often write about our thoughts, it's because this is one of my weaknesses. Getting "down" takes no effort at all.

    Staying optimistic does.

    Life has taught me to be watchful over my moods and to deliberately pick out what's good in my life, then thank God for it.

    You might say I try to "Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive."

    Still learning,

    Lenore

    P.S. Here's a YouTube of Perry Como singing it–and sorry if ads show up:  

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gifkCgoJ7SY

    Are you yearning for something to lift your mood?

  • In recent times many people feared America might crumble under the strain of politics

    They forgot this Nation has come through hard times before. Survived and even thrived, because of (or in spite of) whoever held elected office. 

    Blog. Declaration of Independence. 10.16On January 9, 1790, our first President, George Washington described the beginning of these United States and used a phrase that's now common:

    "The establishment of our new Government seemed to be the last great experiment for promoting human happiness."

    Democracy, still in existence–to the amazement of the rest of the world. (Can there be any explanation except it is by the grace of God?)

    You and me, blessed to live in America, the land of new beginnings. The land where anything is possible.

    You and me, still here and still alive, by the grace of God. Every day is the gift of our Creator. May we take Psalm 118:24 to heart–and live it:

    This is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

    It's time to make a new start 

    Our recent Presidential election shows an almost equal divide among votes received. Opinion polls report the same. Differing mindsets are not bad because, hey, this is America. What's harmful is when "we" quickly judge "they" are blind and vice versa, forgetting we each have the right to sincerely believe what we believe.

    Let's ditch the carping and criticizing that causes discomfort among friends and family "on the other side."

    When we hang onto the mindset of "sides," we all lose. Our 16th President, Abraham Lincoln, laid out the reason why:

    "A house divided against itself cannot stand.”  

    America's history is peppered with accounts of missteps and misguided leaders along the way. Yet God preserved this "great experiment" over and over again. And he tells us how to relate to those in authority positions, as in:     

    Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.  Romans 13:1  ESV

    This Nation was founded on timeless principles  

    Our founding fathers hammered out the unforgettable first paragraph in our Declaration of Independence: 

    "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

    Their last sentence identifies the cornerstone and foundation stones for their Declaration:  

    "And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor."
    Our Founders were wise and principled individuals, yet they relied on our all-knowing God to show them the way.
     
    It cost them dearly  

    Those men ho signed the Declaration of Independence and later, the U.S. Constitution, risked everything they had to found this Nation and to break away from powerful Great Britain. 

    They knew the hazards beforehand. A number paid with their lives and their fortunes–or members of their families did. As for their "sacred honor," some people around them called them traitors to the Crown. That surprised no one. 

    John Hancock refused to be intimidated and signed the Declaration first in large, bold script, declaring, "Well, I guess the King should be able to read that!"

    Did our Nation's founders believe in God?

    Decide for yourself:

    "We recognize no sovereign but God, and no King but Jesus."  –John Adams and John Hancock

    "It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible."  –George Washington

    "By renouncing the Bible, philosophers swing from their moorings upon all moral subjects… It is the only correct map of the human heart that ever has been published…  -Benjamin Rush

    Our U.S. Constitution came into being in 1787

    That's when many of these same men came together to write the binding document that would detail how the federal government would function.

    It required courage even to try to put together this new way of running a country–and it took time. The Constitution vested the power of this union in the people, yet each state had different laws, interests and cultures. The challenge was to lay out how this group of states could unite into one body. 

    Predictably, not everyone favored such a system of government. Many citizens still had ties with Great Britain and remained loyal to the Crown. 

    As before, the founders forged ahead and relied on Almighty God:

    "For my own part, I sincerely esteem it [the Constitution] a system which without the finger of God, never could have been suggested and agreed upon by such a diversity of interests."  – Alexander Hamilton (In 1787 after the Constitutional Convention)

    The great pillars of all government and of social life [are] virtue, morality, and religion. This is the armor, my friend, and this alone, that renders us invincible.  –Patrick Henry

    "The Constitution only guarantees you the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."  -Benjamin Franklin  

    These men had no instruction manual

    They were striving to do what hadn't been done, to put together a nation like none other on earth and set up its governing structure from scratch

    They had only themselves and God. But that was more than enough.

    The brave men who penned the Declaration of Independence knew their Bibles. The principles they set down for this fledgling United States of America reflect Bible verses like these:   
    Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.– II Cor. 3:17
     
    Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord. – Psalm 33:12

    Reflections from some later U.S. Presidents 

    "The rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but from the hand of God." –President John F. Kennedy

    "If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a Nation gone under."  -President Ronald Reagan

    "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both."-Dwight D. Eisenhower

    Let's leave behind grumbling and intrigue and search out reasons to give thanks

    May we look for evidence that God has not walked away from America. It's all around us if we have eyes to see–in people, in nature and yes, in politicians.  
     
    Every day let us humbly ask God to watch over us and to guide every public official, at every level, whether we voted for them or not. Let's also pray He will preserve this nation from those who would destroy it, whether from without or within.
     
    Rich or poor, old or young, let's deliberately talk about what's right about America and those elected to lead us. That simple strategy will help us be a positive influence in our family and among our friends.  
     
    Our founders meant us to live honorable and peaceful lives. So does our Maker. Here are just two of many Bible verses that flesh out how to treat the people around us.  
    Let each of you look not only to his [or her] own interests, but also to the interests of others.  -Philippians 2:4
     
    [Jesus said] "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them."  -Luke 6:31
    Imagine if we remembered who we are as Jesus people
     
    Imagine if we let it show.
    [Jesus said] "You are the light of the world . . . let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."  –Matthew 5:14a, 16  ESV
    If you and I live by those simple instructions our Nation will grow stronger.  
     
    It was true for our Founding Fathers and it is true for each of us: God is our strength, our hope, our refuge. 
     
    With a grateful heart,
    Lenore

    America will endure so long as we keep our foundation solid