Author: lbuth0511de28fc

Valentine's Day is big, but what comes after February 14th?

Now, that's the real issue, isn't it?

Over the years I've teased out the differences between what I thought as a young romantic and what I know now.

Dreams vs. reality

*The darling man I would marry would wow me with beautiful gestures of love.

The darling man I did marry wowed me by quietly living out love.

*Beforehand, I assumed marriage to the man I truly loved would be easy.

Afterward, I discovered real marriage to the real man I truly loved sometimes grew tense and a slight chill descended, but if we kept talking we could work it through.

*The mate I saw in my imagination would never be too busy to listen to my ramblings.

The mate I saw over the kitchen table sometimes seemed preoccupied, but he heard what was on my heart.

*The lover in my romantic dreams regularly would lapse into extravagant declarations of love, like a movie hero who makes his lady swoon.

The lover in my 24/7 life saw me at my absolute worst more than once and declared me still beautiful to him, which made me swoon.

*My future husband would be one who stood for truth and beauty and what is right and of course, everyone would look up to him.

My real life husband lived out his faith in Jesus in his everyday doings–and all the rest followed.

*The one I dreamed of making a life with would come home with a happy heart and swing me off my feet.

The one I shared a life with loved being home and his heart was happy if mine was. Always, he could "swing me off my feet" with that smile.

*The young man I fell in love with could give me "butterflies in my stomach" with a smile or an arm around my waist.

The always-young man I married still gave me flutters with that certain smile or that certain hug.

*Before marriage I supposed I could only fall in love with an exceptional man.

After marriage I came to understand my husband and I were one ordinary man and one ordinary woman. Our day-after-day mutual love and support transformed us into something special–at least in each other's eyes. Who could ask for more?

By now you know me better

You've figured out I used words in past tense. Yes, my forever Valentine went home to Jesus some months ago, after years of declining health.

I will love him and miss him all my days, but I am thankful and at peace. The Lord gifted us many decades in which to love each other and live our together life. We both were blessed–and we knew it.

More and more as the years flew by, we understood how the Lord watched over us and our family. We could see how He supplied strength for each day, in our best of times, sure, but also when we hit a rough patch.

We each could echo the words of my favorite grandmother, whom I saw last when she was 99:

"God has been so good to me. He never left me alone for a minute!"

Reasons we can love and live in trust

[Jesus said] A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

God is good, my friends. Let us rejoice and be glad in Valentine's Day–and every day!

Lovingly,

Lenore

My Forever Valentine

February 13, 2020
"Strategies to make every day better." It sounds too simple, doesn't it?

I hear you saying, "If I'm having 'one of those days,' how on earth can I make it better?"

But you can, I can, we all can.

If we choose to grab hold of the power. Here's how.

1. Decide to make it a good day

When I was a young mom I read a book that challenged my thinking.

The author maintained that more than any other factor, our thoughts dictate the happiness level of our lives. Each day we decide it will be a "good" day or a "bad" day and then act accordingly.

Could that be true? I thanked God our life was good and I wanted to be a happy mama, but most days I was more of a dreary mama.

The next day I woke up in a lousy mood, then remembered what the author said. (Insert groan.) Okay, I would try it for myself. I would fake smiles and act cheerful and not expect much in return.

Surprise. My husband smiled back and kissed me more enthusiastically before he left the house. All day our children squabbled less and seemed happier. When problems arose instead of awfulizing and complaining to God, I murmured, "Lord, help me."

And one way or another, He did.

Looking around the dinner table each family member seemed more contented, including me. At bedtime even our balkiest child trotted upstairs without argument.

As for me, instead of my usual rundown of "what ifs" I fell asleep quickly.

The next morning I tested that far-out theory again, with the same pleasing results. I promised myself that every day I would decide to have a good day.

Over time that simple practice bore a lovely crop of good fruit in our marriage and our kids.

Did I slip up now and then? Sure. Then I would start over again, asking the Lord's ever-present help.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10 NIV

2. Believe you are–or will be–well and strong

At first this strategy made no sense. If I'm feeling achy or have an actual health problem, that's beyond my control. Right?

Not necessarily.

Chalk it up to how suggestible we all are. Healthy or not, any time we ask ourselves, "Where do I hurt?" we can find some area or body part that doesn't feel quite right.

Then we begin to wonder what it means, maybe even spend time on Google trying to figure it out.

That line of thinking guarantees we'll feel worse.

Even if we have chronic health problems, our thoughts make us feel better or worse.

Every time it helps to concentrate on, "I know God is with me and He will never leave me."

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

3. Choose to live love

Love is all about emotion. We're "in love" as long as we feel love toward another person.

Isn't that what we all believe and read and watch on the screen? (That's fiction, remember?)

To build something more lasting we do well to consider a basic principle of Marriage Encounter. It runs contrary to popular thought:

"Love is a daily decision."

Not a feeling. Not a mood. Not an emotion.

Every day we decide all over again to love. To speak and act in loving ways and work to strengthen our relationship.

We decide today to love the person our spouse is today.

If that sounds artificial, think back to before marriage. Didn't we take care to speak love and show love even on our bad days?

In every stage of life we can pick out what's good or fixate on what's missing. Whichever we choose will affect how we treat each other.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. –Ephesians 4:2-3 NLT

It's not rocket science

I wouldn't pretend I've lived these strategies perfectly and I'm not much for "programs." All I know is these principles changed me and changed my life for the better.

Whatever your situation, why not give it a try?

Lovingly,

Lenore

Strategies to make every day better

January 29, 2020
Have you ever stood at the beach just after dawn and been mesmerized by what seems an endless expanse of sand?

Ever been the first one to leave footprints?

That's a perfect picture of each day you and I live.

The hours stretch before us…

Unsullied.

Untouched.

Ours to explore and enjoy.

Ours to revel in and rejoice in and give thanks for.

Here's a simple way to get your day off to a better start. Right away, as soon as you wake up, get your mind in gear by speaking this simple-but-profound verse aloud:

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 ESV

Sometimes the dawn feels like a rescue

How many times have you sat up with a sick family member longed for morning?

How often have you said to someone, "It will be a better day tomorrow. Just wait for morning."

Somehow everything looks brighter, fresher, more hopeful in the light of a new day, doesn't it?

We realize again the truth of Psalm 30:5b:

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. KJV

Whatever is going on–or not going on–how shall we live?

With the fresh vision of morning let's take a reading of our life. Situations and relationships that looked one way yesterday may appear different in the new day.

Vow to fix your thoughts on joy, not gloom.

Dwelling on what's wrong in our world and with other people is like hanging heavy weights around our necks. Venting our frustrations to others in person or over social media only adds to the load we drag around.

So what are we supposed to do with our emotions?

In good times or hard times, we can't do better than to follow the timeless wisdom of a Christian poet and preacher, Joseph Scriven. In 1885 he wrote a poem that became the lyrics to one of the best-known hymns of Christianity, "What a Friend we have in Jesus."

Here's verse two–and doesn't it fit our troubled times?

Have we trials and temptations?
  Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged,
  Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
  Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness,
  Take it to the Lord in prayer.

That hymn verse echoes Jesus' words in Matthew 11:28:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. NIV

We're never alone and never on our own

There's a way to be calm and joyful in the midst of whatever comes. We remind ourselves who we are and Whose we are. We lock those truths in our minds and in our hearts by reading and studying the Bible.

Some folks think the Bible is outdated. Old-fashioned. They say our society is "more advanced" and we're more enlightened, so we've "moved beyond simplistic thinking."

Here's what Jesus said in Matthew 25:35:

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.  NIV

Turn away from know-it-all newscasters and turn to God's Word

Reading the Bible and prayer help us understand deep-down in our bones that Jesus is for real and that He loves us.

Loved us enough to willingly give up His life to pay for our sins so that all who believe already possess eternal life.

This is not something we must qualify for or earn by our good deeds. Rather, this is God's gift.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. NIV

What better way to greet each new day than with the Lord?

He's the only one who knows what's ahead of us and who can strengthen us for each challenge.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.   Psalm 143:8 ESV

If we want to change our outlook we need to change what we feed our hearts and minds. Bible verses like that can be heart-lifters for every day IF we let them.

I'm praying for you, my friends. May you greet each new day with JOY, the joy of Jesus!

Blessings,

Lenore

What a gift! Every morning we step into a fresh new day

January 8, 2020
Here we are, with 2020 bearing down on us. The end of another decade. What will we do with it?

I've loved Christmas since I was a little girl singing and "saying my piece" for the Christmas program. I love the wreaths and the lights and all the happy frenzy.

Touching hearts and connecting. Remembering. Missing loved ones no longer with us.

One minute it's laughter and hugs, the next it's tears. In this season all our emotions are right there at the surface.

Very soon we'll pack away the tenderness and the trappings of Christmas and get back to the business of life.

Boxing up the tree and tangibles may make us sad, but that's all surface stuff. What we'll miss even more is setting aside our tender feelings and our willingness to be softer, more giving of ourselves and our time.

Why bother with Christmas lights and decorations?

We never know how our Christmas gestures and traditions may touch someone's heart.

Every year I think of another time, another place, when someone's Christmas star was just what I needed.

At the time we knew we'd be moving on, but for a few years we had no clue where my husband's job would take us. To me it felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

(Did I mention I'm not so good at waiting?)

Each December 1st someone on a far distant hill would put up a lighted Christmas star so large I could see it clearly as I turned off the freeway and headed the mile or so toward home.

Almost every time the sight of it would bring me to tears. Tears of gladness that despite all the commercial hoopla someone, somewhere, still cared about the Christ Child and the star that brought the shepherds running to Bethlehem.

Tears of doubt and self-pity, too, I confess. I wanted to know what came next and I also knew I couldn't, so at last I'd ask God to give me patience and peace as we waited.

Somehow, by the time I reached home seeing that star would calm my heart. Most of all, it reminded me that Jesus Christ was born to bring us peace.

Even me.

Even in the midst of not knowing.

Truth is, none of us ever knows what comes next

Our lives can be turned upside down in an instant. Most of us have lived it at some time.

All it takes is a letter. A phone call. An unexpected–or expected–diagnosis or a test result we didn't want to hear.

You've heard that saying, "Life is fragile. Handle with care."

The better maxim for us Christians would be, "Life is fragile, but we're safe in God's loving hands."

Our times are in his hands, remember? (Psalm 31:15.)

We can count on the One who knows the future

Let's not pack away our joy along with the "Christmas stuff."

Yes, we live in turbulent times and life may seem discouraging and dismal at times. Still, by this time most of us have figured out that we find what we look for.

Let's look for what's good instead of being on alert for what's wrong.

Let's remember who we are–and more importantly, who God is.

A verse to post on our mental bulletin boards and live by every day

There's a reason why this Bible verse has been treasured for centuries:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11-12 NIV

How about taking those words seriously as we start each new day?

I can't think of a better way to keep the joy and peace of Christmas in our hearts 24/7, can you?

Trusting along with you,

Lenore

What if we took God at his word, every day of every year?

December 29, 2019
Not long ago I heard someone say, "So many couples I know have split up that I'm beginning to wonder if it's even possible to have a happy marriage!"

I wanted to break in, but I wasn't part of their group. Besides, every reply I thought of sounded lame, but her remark kept my brain on simmer all day long.

Here's what I wish I had said to her.

For starters, I know of three essentials for a strong marriage.

Commitment – Making each other and our marriage a priority.

For a marriage to thrive it's vital that each partner love and value their–and say so. Often. Every day. Even oftener.

It's just as important that each one gives their all to making their marriage work. That means our marriage relationship comes first, even above their children's demands.

Yes, I know that sounds pie-in-the-sky. Every day jobs and kids and extended family get in the way of concentrating on each other. How do we come even close?

It's a constant shuffle. Seven days a week we give and take and adjust, always knowing the balance will keep changing depending on need.

The key is remembering what–and who–counts most.

Truth: A marriage that gets only leftover scraps of our time and energy may endure, but it will be just a shadow of what marriage can be.

Communication - Being honest–and kind–with each other.

"We don't communicate" is a frequent complaint, especially from wives to husbands. (Husbands are likely to answer, "What do you mean? We talk.")

It helps to remember that God wires males and females differently. Just watch any small boy and girl. Little girls talk. And talk. And talk. Little boys make noises and poke and run around.

No wonder most women feel quite comfortable opening up, believing that talking helps two people understand each other.

The typical male does not share that perception.

Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, once said most men do not know what they're feeling until their wife tells them.

Building a life together is somewhat like peeling an onion. Each of us wears layers of self-protection. We hold back from letting others know "the real me" until we feel utterly safe with them.

Even with our husband or wife.

Building trust takes awhile. Learning to be free and open with each other is an ongoing process. Be patient–and guard this trust like the precious jewel it is.

Love - Selfless. Giving. Accepting.

Our role model? Jesus. He said, "Love one another as I have loved you," (John 13:34.)

To follow his example as marriage partners means we're willing to set aside our own wants and needs for the sake of what our husband or wife wants or needs. Sometimes one "wins," sometimes the other.

If each one does this it becomes precious and mutually satisfying.

It means we can count on our husband or wife, no matter what.

A new way to think

All this becomes easier if we set our minds in different grooves. After marriage it's:

"We," not "I"

"Us," not "me"

"Ours," not "mine"

When we think "we," not "I," it changes the way we think and what we do.

Our thoughts lead to words and our words set the tone for our lives. And for our marriages.

Our children–at every age–watch and listen. That greatly influences what kind of marriage they want to have. Or not have.

Good advice from the Apostle Paul

As always, Paul keeps it plain and simple as he counsels us how to live as God's people, whether married or single.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.     Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.    1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV

Nobody's perfect, but always, we have choices

In all of life. Married or single. We can choose celebrities and cynics as our authorities and role models.

Or we can tune our heart–and our life–to truths from the Bible. Truths that have stood the test of time.

Which will it be for you?

Wishing you joy in your life, always,

Lenore
What does it take to have a happy marriage that lasts?

November 27, 2019
Here's a quote that's familiar to most of us:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of incredulity, … "

–A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

That sounds a lot like our time, don't you think?

Add in daily reports of hatred, killings and accusations.

Overseas. In cities all across the land. In our state. Our city.

Maybe even next door.

We worry over our lives, too. There's that funny-looking mole. The cough that won't go away. Dizzy spells that hit out of nowhere. Rumors of cutbacks at work. The ongoing problems of one of our children.

Small wonder we're jolted out of sleep with hearts pounding and a trembling case of the "What ifs."

What do we do with our fears?

Whatever our temperament, there's only antidote that works. One that lasts.

It's remembering Whose we are. If we believe in Jesus as our Savior, it means we are the beloved children of the Everlasting God.

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he (Jesus) gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12 ESV

Children of the same God who said in Isaiah 41:10:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. NIV

So we give our fears to the Lord and simply trust.

Again.

And again.

As often as necessary.

That's what Dr. Kent Brantly did when stricken with Ebola during the outbreak in Africa several years ago

Brantly served with Samaritan's Purse in Liberia. It might seem a person who gives their life to serve God and people in hard circumstances might have the right to scream, "But I'm serving you, Lord! This is not fair!"

Not Brantly. He was flown to Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, treated and recovered. Upon his release, Dr. Brantly described how he felt after being diagnosed:

"As I lay in my bed in Liberia for the following nine days, getting sicker and weaker each day, I prayed that God would help me to be faithful even in my illness, and I prayed that in my life or in my death, He would be glorified . . . "

Clearly, Kent Brantly never doubted God's love for him.

Neither did David, who wrote most of the Psalms. He often faced dangers on all sides, yet he wrote:

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.   Psalm 4:8 NIV

Let faith drive out fear

Kent Brantly and the psalmist David were heroes of faith, but also human beings who knew the taste of fear. So do you and I.

I've learned there is no better ammunition for fighting fear than talking to our Heavenly Father and reading The Bible.

This is the time to underline verses that speak to your heart and reassure you. Say them aloud and pray to understand what they mean. Make notes in the margins of your Bible or write the date you realized particular verses "fit" you.

Don't let it stop there. Speak them to yourself whenever fears bedevil you. Or in the middle of the night when you can't get back to sleep.

When we fasten our attention on Scripture God's peace will displace fear.

Here are a few of my favorite verses:

The LORD is my light and my salvation–whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1 NIV

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.–Psalm 91:1-2 (NIV)

(Jesus said) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. –John 14:27 (NIV)

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. —2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

By the way, this isn't something reserved for 3 a.m. jitters. Trust me, these verses can soothe our spirits any hour of the day.

All it takes is not LETTING our hearts be troubled, because we know Who's really in charge and we know Whose we are.

Still learning and growing, too,

Lenore

How can we stay upbeat in a downbeat world?

November 6, 2019
This time let me spin a fictional account drawn from a real-life experience, which has something to say to all of us.

Picture the beginning of the school year at Spring Street School:

When brand-new teacher Angie White stopped by Principal Green's office his assistant, Sue Timms, handed her a stack of file folders.

"You'll be replacing Martha Black, who just retired. She had your fourth-graders as third-graders last year and she kept these notes on students and class materials.

"I'm not allowed to give you those students' grades. We never do because we want teachers and students to start fresh."

As Angie walked to her new classroom she thought, What a nice surprise. Maybe I'll find some clues to help me get off to a good start.

As she leafed through the folders she noticed a handwritten list of student names. Some had asterisks and some were underlined. Hmm. I'll bet these were Mrs. Black's favorites, maybe the brightest ones, or the most responsible. So many above-average kids, what fun!

The next Monday Miss Angie greeted each child with a big smile and a name tag. At day's end she thought, I was right. These kids are great!

It wasn't long other teachers noted her upbeat attitude. "Well, she's a newbie," said Miss Mary to Miss Liz. "Remember when we thought we could change the world? She'll hit reality soon enough."

Months later, at the end of the school year:

Retired teachers were invited to the closing assembly. Afterward, Miss Angie rushed over to meet Dorothy Black. "I'm Angie White, the fourth-grade teacher who inherited your wonderful class. Thank you so much for leaving that list of students and for identifying the brightest students. Those kids are born leaders."

Dorothy Black stared at her. "My wonderful class? My dear, you can't be talking about the children I had last year. They were the main reason I retired a year early."

Angie White's forehead creased. "But your list . . . I mean, at first I was puzzled what those asterisks meant next to certain names. Then I guessed you must be pointing to the top students in the class.

"And you were right-on! No matter what challenge I gave those students they out-performed. They sparked the other kids to learn, too.

"I've been so privileged to have a class like that in my first year of teaching. I'm afraid they've spoiled me for average kids."

Dorothy Black shook her head

"I'm confused. Please, give me some names."

Miss Angie started reeling off names, her eyes shining. When she finished, Miss Black took her hand. "My dear, you just named my problem children. The incorrigible ones. The ones who never turned in their homework. That's what the asterisks stood for.

"Sandra Smith warned me what I was in for because she had those students as second-graders. She let me know which children were below-par or real behavior problems–and she was absolutely right. Last year was incredibly hard for me. To tell the truth, I'm not sure how I made it through the school year."

Angie White couldn't think what to say. The silence stretched on.

At last Dorothy Black blotted her eyes and stammered, "Perhaps those children simply lived up to my expectations.

"And my dear, they also lived up to yours."

This tale of human nature has meaning for all of us

It's easy to go around expecting the worst from people and from life. It takes no effort at all to become negative in our thinking. Before long we've settled into a pattern of looking at people and life through dark-colored glasses.

And who wants to live like that day after day?

The Apostle Paul shows us how to overcome that trap:

Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

If we daily follow his advice it will lift our outlook on life and people.

And wouldn't we more likely enjoy our lives?

Here's to being a "Miss Angie" in the place where we are and letting ourselves see how blessed we are!

Praying for all of us,

Lenore

What if we started expecting the best?

October 30, 2019
Why would I say that? Because somebody, somewhere is watching you and listening in. Always.

That thought brings us up short, doesn't it?

Yet it's true, especially if we're a parent or if we spend much time around children and/or teens.

Young people are looking for clues and for role models as they try to figure out who they are.

Adolescents and teens will deny that's true, yet surveys of young people reach mostly the same conclusion: Mothers and/or fathers top the list as the most important influence on their thinking and actions.

Adult children take many of their cues from parents, too–even when they seem not to care.

Each of us influences other people–positively or negatively–more than we know.

If you doubt it, look back and recall the people who affected you and your thinking, perhaps by just a chance encounter.

Watch out for giving mixed messages

That comes about when we say one thing to one person and something else to another.

Picture the scene: A mom picks up her children from school and they stop for a snack. Mom runs into a friend so those two share a table while their kids occupy the table next to them.

Their youngsters do what kids always do: eavesdrop on adult conversation. Suppose the friend praises the latest edition of Oprah's magazine and Mom chimes in with, "Oh, what I'd give to have that woman's money! All those houses, all those people at her beck and call, what a life that would be!"

Later that day her middle-school age daughter begs for a bigger allowance.

Mom replies, "Your allowance is just fine. Remember, money isn't everything. You need to learn it can't buy happiness."

Will her daughter remember what Mom said about Oprah's big bucks or what she says to her kids?

It's crucial to watch what we say, but first we need to be clear on what we believe and what we stand for. Then we won't give mixed messages.

Because few kids are able to pick through and discern what's important to us, we need to talk about what's good and right and true in our everyday conversation.

For starters:

We point out individuals who demonstrate integrity in small ways as well as big

We stay alert to notice when one of our kids acts kindly or considerately, and hand out some praise

We make sure to tell others about our child's positive acts and let them hear us

What about grades?

Keep them in perspective.

Kids may study hard and do their best, yet fall short of being tops in their class. Let that be enough–and say so.

(Isn't that what we tell them, that we only want them to study hard and do their best?)

When grades alone top the list, the pressure to cheat increases. So does the feeling of not measuring up.

Whether it's academics or deeds of kindness it's good to applaud the effort, whatever the results. "You worked hard, didn't you?" is music to the heart.

If we search out things we admire and speak of it, our words will encourage our kids to repeat them.

School is one thing, life is another

Every part of it gets easier when we have a personal cheering section, at any age. Words matter. So do hugs.

Remember these words from the Apostle Paul?

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.–1 Thessalonians 5:11

Our kids need to know we love them, not when, not if, but as they are.

Children respond to that as a plant responds to sunshine. So do husbands and wives. And friends and parents. And all the people in our lives.

Everyone. Everywhere. In every situation.

Here's to shining the love of Jesus brightly in our lives. That's what makes the best kind of hero.

Lenore
Has anyone ever told you you’re a hero?

October 9, 2019
"I guess I'm in a rut, but I like it that way. What's wrong with that?"

Perhaps you've said something like that. Most of us have.

Being in a rut can feel as cozy as wrapping up in a warm blanket on a cold day.

After all, past experience taught us that as long as we stay in the known we can handle the demands of our life. If the rest of our world thinks we're out of step, well, that's just too bad.

    Change makes most of us squirm.

Maybe that's because coping with change always involves effort

Another friend raved about why her new smart phone was worth the asking price. The woman in the next chair said, "I'm keeping my dinosaur phone until it dies. I don't want to figure out one of those fancy new gadgets. It's too much brain damage."

To adapt–whether it's a new gadget or a new idea–involves learning. And unlearning.

Staying flexible and open to new ideas requires time and involves stress as we adapt. It's easier to think and do things in the same old way, including how we relate to the people in our lives.

    We don't have to figure out a new way.

No wonder we like our ruts

I confess, occasionally I've used my rut(s) as an excuse, too.

It's as if I hunker down in that known place, quite contented with myself and my own point-of-view. Don't bother me, please.

The trouble is, we live in a time when changes come so fast they dizzy us. Who hasn't wished they could put the world on pause for just a little while, long enough to catch our breath?

But we can't. Resisting change often seems the only tactic available to us.

    People who want to dig in and hang onto the status quo have a point, but     that keeps us stuck.

So how do we handle it?

The other day I ran across a quote I hadn't thought about for years.

This pithy line came from a speaker at a business convention. At the time it hit me like a much-needed whack on the side of the head. I scribbled this rhyme on my program and later memorized the simple truth of it. For awhile I repeated it often, but then I let it go.

Yet these words still pack a punch:

The only difference between a rut and a grave

is that a grave is deeper and the ends are closed.

I wish it weren't true, but that's a truth some of us have to learn. And relearn. And relearn again.

What about you?

Right now, if you sense a need to change in some way, why not ask God to open your understanding? That's step one. Then open your mind and your heart to listen.

Do you want to make changes? Branch out in a new direction? Be happier in the life you have? Grow deeper in your faith in Jesus?

Then here's a Bible verse for you–and for us all.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20 NIV

And when you notice you're not in the grave, not in the rut, be sure to thank God for giving you strength to change and grow. It's never too late and you are never too old!

Here's to staying unstuck,

Lenore

Be sure to count the cost of living in a rut

September 10, 2019
Have you ever wanted to scream because you were so busy you felt your life was out of control and this time you might snap?

Me, too.

I've learned it has nothing to do with our age, or whether we're married or single, with children or none. Nor does it matter if we work for a salary or are a full-time homemaker.

It's all about being over-committed.

Usually by our own choice.

One author, Christine Carter, labels it "the busy-ness trap."

Three words packed with meaning

We feel squeezed and squashed. We look through our lists for what to cut, but hardly make a dent. We are needed . . . everywhere. By everyone.

That's why it's so difficult to carve out pieces of our days for ourselves.

Yet our inner wail persists: I need some time marked "me." And if we don't take it–or make it–we become as dry as the Sahara.

Then we'll drudge through our days without heart, without joy–even when we're with the people we love most.

I know that desert territory. How about you?

But isn't taking time for ourselves self-centered?

It feels shallow and selfish to say "No" to someone we care about or to refuse a worthwhile cause. Especially for Christians.

After all, Jesus told us that love means sharing. Serving others. Giving ourselves away. Putting others ahead of ourselves. Besides, if we've walked with Him for very long we know we can get through anything because He strengthens us.

So we pray and try harder. We push ourselves to the max, and give our all. Our bodies pump out adrenaline that enables us to meet the challenge and get through it.

To get through a crisis is one thing. By definition, a crisis has a beginning and an ending point.

Some of us choose to live in crisis mode 24/7. For years on end.

Over time we'll pay the price in our mental and physical health

You probably know someone who is proud of being a multi-tasker. People like that often announce they're over-committed and may feel a sense of pride in their ability to cope.

One friend, "Elle," managed to hold it together as long as she kept to her packed schedule. Everyone who knew her said, "She's amazing!"

Then one morning Elle couldn't get out of bed and landed in the hospital. Test results were inconclusive so her long-time doctor wanted to keep her for observation. Elle promptly fell asleep–and stayed asleep until the next morning.

She woke up hungry and realized she couldn't remember the last time she cared whether or not she ate a meal.

Or anything else, for that matter.

Coming back to life

"When I left the hospital it was as if I hadn't noticed before how bright the sky was and how green the grass," Elle said. "I heard the birds singing in my yard, as if for the first time. Something had to change."

I realized I was trying too hard to be all things to all people. I wanted to be a good mom and a good friend. I tried to be a good employee and do well in my career. And I wanted to be involved at my church.

"Every one of those is a good, worthwhile goal," Elle said, "so I agonized over how to change and set priorities.

"But now I knew I needed to take care of myself, too, or I would fail on all fronts."

That's Priority A

Elle finally faced the inescapable truth: None of us can do it all, all the time.

But we can pick and choose among the non-essentials. It's the only way to feel in charge of our lives.

It's the only way to take care of our bodies and our minds and be there for our loved ones.

Some worthwhile activities may need to go on the "Later" pile.

Antidote to the busy-ness trap

Author Christine Carter's big tip is to give ourselves frequent recesses.

Take a break after every 60 to 90 minutes of work

Schedule regular time with family and friends

Allow yourself time alone to read a book or take a nap

Time to think and feel and pray

Time to just be–and not feel guilty about it

Find what joys your heart, my friend, whether it's stopping for coffee or watching a sunset.

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. —3 John 1:2 (ESV)

Still working on it,

Lenore
Caught in the “busy-ness trap?” Here’s how to escape

August 28, 2019