Author: lbuth0511de28fc

Most parents want their kids to sail through childhood and adolescence trouble-free, then grow up to be strong, right-thinking adults.

But how can we do that?

Forget checking Google for THE perfect formula for each individual child.

There is no such thing.

How could there be? The Bible tells us every human being is one-of-a-kind, fearfully and wonderfully made.

That's why every parent with more than one child soon discovers what they learned with Child A isn't much help with Child B.

Besides, no one has discovered a way to spare our kids the pain of learning by experience.

What we can do is give them a solid start and help them find their own way.

Everything rests on planting truths that endure

Whatever the ages of our children, we start now. With ourselves.

We make a conscious effort to live out the values we say we want them to have.

If we talk it but don't live it, our words are just words.

You see, every child comes equipped with the ability to spot hypocrisy and they're quick to point it out. Especially when Mom or Dad says say one thing but does another.

Most parents hear this often: "But you said . . . ."

This is exhausting, but it carries a bonus. As we try to be good role-models we grow stronger from within.

And so do our children.

Begin by thinking through what you believe as parents

Make a checklist of what your family stands for–or what you want your family to stand for:

Try these for starters:

Always tell the truth. (Nobody gets in trouble for being honest.)

Be kind and thoughtful in what you say and do.

Be fair. Remember, other people have the same rights as you.

Respect those in authority. (Explain "authority.")

Treat others the way you want them to treat you.

Consider these to be foundation stones, a solid base to build a life on.

A quartet of Bible verses for backup

[Jesus said] "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them." —Luke 6:31 ESV

Even children are known by the way they act, whether their conduct is pure and right.  –Proverbs 20:11 NLT

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  –1 John 1:9 NIV

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. –Philippians 4:13 ESV

Empower your kids by helping them understand that everything is a choice

Stress this core principle of living strong until it becomes theirs, too:

In every situation, we make a choice. If nothing else, we choose how we will react.

That's a statement of personal power if ever there was one, useful even for younger kids.

It can make a child or teenager feel less vulnerable. A youngster or teen who understands this is less likely to plead that someone makes them feel a certain way or makes them hang with a pal they know is headed the wrong way.

They will know they alone choose their actions and responses.

Take it one step further. Teach them every choice, wise or foolish, inevitably yields a consequence, good or bad.

Best of all, we know and pass on the reason(s) for right living

It's natural for children and teens to consider their own moods and desires more important than anything else. They need a reference point outside personal feelings.

Even young children can understand that as believers we want to reflect Jesus in how we live and treat others.

Will we parents fall short? Of course.

Will our children grow up perfect? Never.

We're all human beings, remember?

It helps to be involved in a strong church that teaches the Truth

This provides a natural setting in which we can make friends who share our values. And so can our children and teens.

There we get reminded that Jesus died to pay for our failures and that we're forgiven, a.k.a., grace.

We get pointed to Bible truths like 2 Corinthians 5:17:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Our children need to hear that as they grow and learn–and make mistakes. It's what we parents need, too, and for the same reason.

The grace of forgiveness in Jesus enables us to keep going and to know we don't have to drag around our past mistakes any more.

Could there be a better Truth to help our children make it through life?

Still growing,

Lenore
How to teach your kids to make right choices

July 24, 2019
A lot of people sincerely believe that staying married runs counter to human nature

Don't fall into that trap.

Think back to how God set up marriage in the beginning, when Adam said Eve was "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." (Genesis 2)

Does that sound like an arrangement meant to last only for awhile?

Building a lifetime marriage starts with first believing–and continuing to believe–that staying married for life is possible.

This is not "magical thinking," ignoring the difficulties of real life.

It's keeping your eyes on your spouse and your day-to-day life together.

Focusing on your mutual goal(s)–and letting petty annoyances go.

Fixing in your mind the picture of the marriage you want to live in.

What's worthwhile takes effort–and brings joy

Our story started long ago when my husband and I were young and clueless. He smiled at me and my heart did flip-flops.

Then we knew we were lucky–and blessed–to find each other.

Now we know we are lucky–and blessed–to still have each other.

That February day we vowed to love each other for life–and had no doubts our marriage would last, convinced we had something special between us. (Still do.)

Later on we saw how our unquestioning mindset helped us get through the inevitable ups and downs of making a life together.

Over and over our pledge of love for a lifetime bridged us back to feeling close and in love again.

Truths gleaned over a lot of years

It's not up to our husband–or wife–to make us happy
Despite the stuff of romance novels and movies, our happiness is up to us.

Making our spouse feel good about who they are costs us nothing except thoughtfulness
Besides, isn't that what each of us wants for the one we love? And from the one we love?

News flash: Males and females think differently
This naturally colors the way we view people and situations. Get past "Why can't he … ?" or "Why can't she … ?" and respect each other's right to an individual viewpoint. Only then can you talk over issues without heat.

Learning to communicate–and really listen to each other–takes time–but it's worth it
Be real and be honest, but also be kind. My husband and I don't always look at life through the same glasses but we came to understand that's a strength. Together we are more than either of us on our own.

Mutual trust is like gold
Trust takes a long time to build and can be lost in a careless instant, so guard it carefully. Besides, if we're not on each other's side, who will be?

Relationships thrive on authenticity
Being one way in public and another at home, whether in words or actions, destroys from the inside. Sarcasm does the same, so resist the temptation to put each other down, even with "humor."

Simple kindness makes life better for both
We adjust and make allowances for our friends without getting upset. With friends we easily say, "Oh, you know how he or she is" and let it go. When we learn to do the same for our spouse we bless their lives–and our own.

Marriage relationships can wither, even die, unless they're nourished
Keep priorities straight. Except in emergencies or with infants, Mom and Dad's relationship needs to come before The Children. (Kids feel secure because they don't fear their parents might split up.)

A life built on shared faith in God helps a couple withstand life's storms
Faith provides a "why" to hang onto and helps because we know we don't have to flounder through life on our own strength. God is love and helps us keep on loving through whatever comes. (Even if we're spiritually single, our faith helps us establish a solid foundation for living.)

Most of the time we get back what we give out

There will be times you feel inadequate or overwhelmed. That's the time to talk to God and to each other and to remember Philippians 4:13:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. NKJV

If you need more help, ask your pastor to recommend one or more trustworthy counselors. (Yes, you risk being vulnerable, but hanging onto pride makes for an empty victory.)

Now take a deep breath and recommit. You married for life, remember?

Praying for you,

Lenore
What does it take to stay married?

April 3, 2019
If you daily face the battle of wills with your, um, stubborn child, you may be thinking, Easy for her to talk. She doesn't know my life.

That's true, but I do know what it's like to rear a strong-willed child. I remember being deep-down weary because all day, every day, felt like an endless series of hassles.

Oh, how I longed for someone to tell me, "You will survive and one day you'll be glad."

Nobody did.

Not surprisingly, I too often got stuck in wanting to "win" the daily battle of wills.

It took me distressingly long to recognize the obvious. Life would have been easier for both of us if I had concentrated instead on my child's strengths.

What I know now

God gave you each child–and as the saying goes, He don't make no junk.

Because HE entrusted you with parenting this challenging child, you can know you two are just right for each other. (See previous point.)

More than any other influence, you set the tone for each of your children's entire lives. That's awesome–and a bit scary.

Struggles between you and your determined darling are as predictable as dust gathering on flat surfaces. Still, it takes two to make a battle, so pray for strength and bite your tongue. Try to view each skirmish as a teaching tool for your child. (And for you.)

You mean I need to be taught?

Ah, there's the surprise. I didn't quite understand that I was learning and growing.

Your child grows up, but you, the parent, grow deep.

I developed patience–and I'm not by nature a patient person.

I gained knowledge because I devoured books and articles on parenting looking for answers and parenting techniques. The more I learned, the more confident I became.

I grew in faith and trusting God and I became much more honest in my prayers.

Would this be true if I'd been able to float through my days because all four kids were adorable and also compliant?

Probably not.

Useful parenting techniques I picked up

Keep your voice calm, which will help calm your child. (Use a quiet voice in emergencies, too, and for the same reason.)

Even if it's not your style, take charge–while you still can. If your child gets too used to "winning," it gets harder and unwanted habit patterns get set in concrete. (But start where you are, whatever your child's age.)

When you give directions, avoid ending with, "Okay?" –unless you truly intend to give your kids a choice whether to comply. Strong-willed children, especially, want to know what's what.

Be concise. Gently state what you expect in as few words as possible. Repeat the same words as many times as necessary. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. –Proverbs 15:1

Decisive darlings want to be respected and they have feelings, too, so skip the sarcasm and "humor" at their expense. (Besides, God creates one-of-a kind and every character trait has at least two sides.)

Resolute youngsters aim to rule their world, so save yourself lots of grief and avoid telling them what to wear and what to eat. Instead, let them choose between alternatives you can live with. (For years we had raw celery and carrot sticks available at every meal, simply because one child would eat no other veggies.)

Bedtimes and departure times often cause stress, so offer at least a ten- and a five-minute warning. Then your SWC can choose to be ready to go or to head off to bed as if self-directed. (As if running their own world, remember?)

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Every time. Otherwise your insistent offspring will pay little attention to your words. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:37: "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No';.

Periodically imagine the future

You may find this hard to believe, but many qualities in your strong-willed child–the character traits that drive you crazy now–can become strengths when wisely used. Trust me, it's true.

First, your little tenacious offspring likely will be super-resistant to going along with the crowd. These kids decide for themselves and don't much care what others think.

That inner strength will enable your strong-willed child to set goals and stick with them, no matter the obstacles along the way. Isn't that reason to rejoice?

So relax and be at peace. Despite the difficulties, know that you are just the right mother–or father–for each of your children because, after all, each one is a gift from God.

Here's a great verse for us parents. It's an easy one to memorize and have ready when you need a shot of courage.

I can do everything through him (Jesus) who gives me strength. –Philippians 4:13

If you are a Jesus-follower, you're never alone and never on your own. He walks with you and will guide you. Every step of the way.

With love,

Lenore
Why having a strong-willed child is reason to rejoice

March 20, 2019
Poet Ogden Nash penned a short rhyme that's good advice for every wife and husband.

    To keep your marriage brimming

    With love in the loving cup,

    Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

    Whenever you're right, shut up.

My husband and I have been married for many decades and let's just say we've proven Nash is right enough times to know it's true.

Years ago I found another good piece on marriage. Sorry, I don't know who wrote it.

Practical Ways to Grow a Marriage

Never both be angry at the same time.

Never talk at one another, either alone or in company.

Never speak loudly to one another, unless the house is on fire.

Let each one put the other's needs and wants ahead of their own.

Never taunt with a past mistake.

Neglect the whole world rather than one another.

Never part for a day without loving words to remember.

Never make a mean remark at the expense of the other.

Never meet without a loving welcome.

Never let the sun go down upon any anger or grievance.

Never forget the happy hours of early love.

Never forget that God instituted marriage and His blessing alone can make it what it should be.

Remember to pray for God's blessing–and enabling.

That list makes us cringe, doesn't it?

We think, "No one could live up to all that!"

True, no one can, not perfectly. But if we tried, couldn't it ramp up our joy in our marriages? (Basic rule of human relationships: We get back what we give out.)

So let's consider this more of a checklist for growth–and prayer. Some may think it's useless to pray because their marriage is too full of hurt and disappointment. They have no love left to give.

Then it's time to recall Matthew 19:26:

But Jesus beheld [them], and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. (KJV)

No human being is hopeless. No marriage, no relationship is too far gone for God's healing

Even when love feels dry and dusty. Even when we think love has died.

Here's why, from 1 John 4:7:

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.

That's good news, because what bride and groom really understand what they're pledging when they vow to love for life?

To promise is easy. To live out those promises 24/7, ah, that's the hard part.

We were two kids, so in love and so idealistic–and so clueless. Years of doing life together taught us the deep meaning contained in those familiar words: "…for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part."

You see, by now we've experienced something of every word except, thank God, for "until death do us part."

Love is a daily decision

One of the most useful principles we learned in Marriage Encounter was, "Love is not just an emotion. Love is a daily decision."

So we decide again. And pray again. And thank God again. And begin again. It's an endless cycle.

And so we make it through life, day by day, and our love grows deeper, too.

By this time we can look back and see the lasting value of what we've built. Together. A happy marriage, a living creation that keeps growing and changing over the years.

And so do we, as individuals and as people of faith.

Lovingly,

Lenore
How to keep the love brimming in your “loving cup”

February 2, 2019
When we give a gift to a loved one we want to hear, "Oh, it's just what I wanted!"

But sometimes they tear off the wrapping and we get an unenthusiastic, "Oh. That's nice. Thanks."

Polite words like that puncture our shiny red balloon.

So we think, Next year I'll try harder. I'll spend more money. I'll pay more attention. I'll . . .

Blame it on our society's skewed opinion of what counts

Merchandisers of everything from chia pets to chocolate diamonds do a great job of convincing us we need their stuff.

Their message, sometimes subtle, sometimes in-your-face, is always the same:

"You need this! And the more you pay for it, the more they'll like what you give them!"

Not true!

Thinking adults understand the gifts that matter most come from the spirit, not the store.

Gifts from the spirit often arrive in plain brown wrappers. No brass bands. No cheering crowds.

They sit quietly in the corner, not making a fuss. They're just there.

Confused? Here's what I mean.

Anything we can hold in our hands starts losing its appeal soon after we get it. The best gifts, the lasting gifts, are those that make us smile even years after we receive them.

Gifts like love. Security. Faith.

(Yes, I know we can't give our loved ones faith in Jesus. But we can quietly live our faith and communicate what makes us tick.)

Love

Most of us probably grew up knowing our parents loved us, even if they never said the words. (Mine didn't.) We took it for granted that love would endure through every circumstance of life, no matter what.

The steady beat of love ran through our days like a heartbeat that sustains life.

Even though life wasn't perfect and our parents made mistakes, we were blessed, whether we recognized it or not.

Married or single, if that's what your children possess, you give lasting gifts every day.

Security

It never crossed my mind that my parents could divorce. I mean, they were married.

If you say, "Times were different then," you're right.

What hasn't changed is that youngsters who feel that kind of constancy at home are more able to concentrate on school and friends.

Call it being there, a synonym for love. That security frees them up to be kids.

Whether you're married or raising your children alone, if they can live without fear that you might leave, you're blessing them every day.

Faith

My husband and I both grew up in Christian homes and took faith for granted. At the time we married we didn't fully understand what a blessing it was that we agreed on the important issues of life.

We've lived in a number of places. With each move we immediately searched out a church that proclaimed Jesus as Savior and was true to what the Bible teaches. Only then did our hearts feel at home. After that we could settle in to our new community.

By now I know for sure there's no better foundation for building a strong marriage and a strong family than being united in faith and interacting with other Christians.

If your children are growing up–or grew up–knowing Jesus as their Savior and Friend, you're giving them what will last into eternity.

This means if you are stumped and money is tight this Christmas, relax

Remind yourself what you give–or gave–your children. Your spouse. Your parents. If you feel you come up short in some areas, remember, where there's life, there's still time.

Speak love right now. Write each one a note and tell them what they mean to you.

Retell favorite times from the past. List ways they enrich your life and help you, now or in the past. Tell them what you love about them–and be specific.

I promise you they'll hang onto that note. (Wouldn't you?)

The best gift of all

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life. –John 3:16

(Jesus said)"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."–John 14:27

Jesus and the peace he gives. These are the real--the best, the lasting--gifts of Christmas.

Peace,

Lenore

Gifts that last way beyond Christmas

December 12, 2018
The other day I talked with the frazzled mom of a couple of teens

Immediately, memory swept me back to the always-challenging days when three of our four kids were teenagers. Back then I often wondered whether I'd make it through. If only we had known at the beginning what we figured out by the end.

Nobody ever does.

The good news is that teen-age is a passage, not a life sentence for either parent or child.

Hang on to that. (It will keep you sane.)

A new relationship lies just ahead.

Today's mutual frustration will pass, not on a predictable timetable because personalities differ. But one day you and your child will relate to each other as adult to adult, actually enjoying each other's presence.

Trust me, it can happen–and usually does.

Here's a bit of what we picked up along the way

* There are no cookie-cutter teens

Every adolescent insists on steering through these years in his or her own way.

As parents it helps to start the day by asking God's blessing and guidance, then taking an "energy drink" from God's Word like Philippians 4:13:

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Repeat as often as needed throughout the day.

* Conflict is part of the transition process

I remember thinking, I can't say or do anything right! (This went on for years.) I felt overwhelmed by what seemed everlasting conflicts.

I learned it helps to step outside ourselves and walk a mile in our kid's flip-flops.

Those youngsters who now look us in the eye are as surprised as we are. They, too, are baffled by their mood swings, by one minute sounding adult and mature and the next like a whiny toddler. They don't understand themselves and that's part of what makes them so testy.

We never know what to expect of them, true, but neither do they.

*The closer adolescents feel to their parents, the harder they find it to see themselves as separate individuals

One teen we knew, um, very well went to bed one night a sweet, loving girl. Next morning an individual who looked the same came to breakfast and slammed every door along the way–hard. This went on for a year and a half.

Hostility for no reason.

Total shock for parents.

Then a family counselor friend explained it's as if teens must "build a case" in order to give them courage to separate themselves from loving parents. That helped us get a better perspective.

We pledged to keep on loving, no matter what and this verse became our motto:

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.                    -1 Peter 4:8

* Trying to exert tighter control usually backfires

Our child's rebellion makes us want to clamp down, just to show who's in charge. Adolescents with an ounce of spunk react by digging in even deeper. They think their moms and dads still view them as little kids and want to hold them back.

It's more effective to back off on what isn't harmful. As one mom put it, "I'm strict on what really matters, but I don't get upset over small stuff. If he wants to spray his hair green or go to school in holey jeans I let it go."

Young birds need to try their wings. So do teens, preferably before they leave the nest.

* Loosen the cords and slowly play out the line

Trot out a tested principle of parenting: With freedom comes responsibility.

Put another way, increased freedom is a privilege, not a perk that automatically comes at a given age.

So we keep track of their everyday behavior as a gauge of their level of maturity. Whether they keep their word. Whether they demonstrate kindness toward others without being reminded. Whether they abide by our house rules without being nagged.

We respond to their trust-worthiness by slowly doling out freedoms. Taking the family car, for example, comes after proving oneself reliable and responsible in many other ways.

It's similar to what Jesus said:

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." –Luke 16:10

Hang in there. You are not alone. God gave you each of your children and He will carry you through. Count on it.

With love,

Lenore

Parent pointers: Take the tension out of parenting teens

October 24, 2018
Do you ever feel as if people hardly notice what you do? Or say?

We all have days–or down times–now and then. That's when we remind ourselves what we know is true. God created us

Have you ever noticed how each link in a chain needs the others or else it can extend no farther than its own length?

It's an imperfect comparison, but God links us to the people around us, too. In ways we may never know, He uses us in the lives of others to carry out His purposes.

We have no need to understand how for that to be true.

All we need to do is trust and pray, then leave the specifics to Him.

Looking at one "chain" through the wide-angle lens of time

In 1824 an ordinary man, Edward Kimball, felt "someone" should start a Sunday school class for boys in a poor neighborhood of Boston.

No one else seemed interested, so even though he didn't view himself as qualified, Kimball took on the task. At first he felt clumsy in his teaching of the Bible, but young men started coming.

An 18-year old shoe clerk attended and came to faith in Jesus Christ as Savior. His name was Dwight L. Moody.

Not long after, D. L. Moody moved to Chicago and established a successful shoe business. Later, he started a Sunday school class, as well. Over time, weekly attendance grew to 1500.

Even though Moody was poorly educated, he felt called to preach the Gospel. Before long, wherever Moody went, huge crowds turned out to hear him.

When Moody spoke in Great Britain, one who came was a pastor: F. B. Meyer.

Meyer went home a changed man, with a new view of the Christian faith. He altered his preaching style and soon Meyer, too, began to draw crowds.

Eventually Meyer came to the U. S. to preach and one who heard him was another preacher: J. Wilbur Chapman.

Chapman decided to become an evangelist and went from city to city. His audiences grew and soon he needed an assistant.

The young helper Chapman hired was a baseball player, Billy Sunday.

After awhile, Billy Sunday became an evangelist, too, and preached in the South. He held prayer meetings and people came. In 1894 he held a prayer meeting in North Carolina.

One who attended his North Carolina prayer meetings and came to faith was Mordecai Ham. He resolved somehow he would reach people for Jesus. Ham, too, began preaching the Gospel throughout the rural areas of North Carolina.

In 1934 a 16-year old farm boy with nothing to do came to one of Ham's revival meetings.

That young man's name? Billy Graham.

We live our todays, but God sees time from the beginning to the end

God used each of these "ordinary" men to impact countless lives. For eternity.

They were links in His chain, even though they had no idea that was true.

He uses us, too, although we may not see how. You and I may think what we do for the Lord is small and insignificant. But there's no telling what GOD will do with our humble efforts.

So if today you're dragging and feel you have nothing to offer, no place, no purpose, take heart.

If you believe in Jesus as your Savior you can know for sure, that God IS using you.

Right now.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. –Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV

Read that last sentence again and let it sink in to your heart and your mind.

". . . prepared in advance for us to do."

All we need to do is live our lives, free of anxiety about figuring out what we should be doing for Him. God's got it all covered, so be at peace.

Growing, too,

Lenore

Feeling insignificant? Not true! We’re all links in God’s chain

October 10, 2018
Maybe you're wondering what the color beige has to do with anything.

So did I the first time I heard that description. Our engaging conference speaker–sorry, can't remember her name–had us laughing. And sometimes squirming.

According to my scribbled notes, here's the gist of what she said:

"My friends, I'm here to say, 'Please don't go through life as a Beige Lady! Or a Beige Man!'

"Now don't get me wrong, most Beige Ladies and Men are wonderful people.

"They often work behind the scenes and they're very agreeable, so everyone likes them. What they don't do is speak up when there's a difference of opinion. You see, Beige Ladies–and Beige Men–don't like to make waves.

"What's wrong with being agreeable?

"Not a thing. The problem is, Beige Individuals, as nice and willing and dedicated as they may be, seldom change the world.

"That's a waste. Jesus told us to be salt and light, to 'season' the world we live in, and shine His light in the darkness around us.

"Salt inevitably affects the flavor of a food and even one lighted match sheds light into a dark place.

"God put us here to make a difference, right where we are

"Not by being loud or strident, but by being strong and at the same time, being winsome and considerate. At home, in our marriage and family. Out there, in our church and community.

"Jesus told us to be true to what we believe. But be forewarned, this may cost us, especially if we differ from prevailing opinion.

"That can make it feel safer to be a Beige Lady or a Beige Man and keep our mouths shut, just smile and blend in with the crowd. Yet God put us here to live out out Christ's purpose for us.

"Remember Ephesians 2:10? This verse says it all:

'For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.' –ESV

"My friends, God did not create us to be 'Beige People!' Like Queen Esther in the Bible, you and I were born for such a time as this. To change our world, to be salt, to be light. Now, let's get going!"

Immediately, the entire room was clapping and cheering. From then on, at every break people discussed what she said.

The hard stuff came at home, wondering how could I "change the world?"

Our speaker told us to start where we are and I set out to do that, nibbling off bits and pieces. One big discovery was the difference it makes to start my days right. How to do it?

First thing in the morning, decide to be cheerful, even when life feels like one tough, dreary slog. Better yet, repeat this verse out loud:
This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.                                         –Psalm 118:24 -NKJV

Ignore the lousy mood(s) of people around you. Choose to respond with love and kindness instead of anger.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.    –Proverbs 15:1 -NIV

Pray for wisdom and strength beyond what you feel at the moment.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.    –Isaiah 41:10 -NIV

Whether it's cultivating a happy home or daring to speak up when we feel outnumbered, our ever-present Helper is at our side.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  –Romans 8:26 -NIV

Expect to be changed–little by little–for the better.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.   –Galatians 5:22 -NIV

What matters most is what we live out

Most of us know by now that words are cheap and actions carry way more weight with both children and adults.

The most effective way to influence our world is not by impressing people. Rather, it's about following Christ's example. Always, we rely on Him for strength and courage.

Meanwhile, we keep our eyes open for ways we can season the world around us with love and hope and faith.

This is not a slam on the color beige

As our speaker said, you and I were created to be more and do more than simply be nice and blend in.

Maybe that's easier than we think. We're mistaken if we think it's about our own strength and our own noteworthy accomplishments.

Rather, it's all about Jesus. He's the never-fail, always-with-us Light and power source and He changes us from the inside out. (Will we fail sometimes? Of course, because we're human. But in Jesus we're forgiven and free to start over.)

The bottom line for you and me as Christians: We can stop struggling to measure up and just relax in Jesus' love and grace.

Our part is to go about our daily lives and let His light shine through us. The rest is up to Him.

Rejoicing, too,

Lenore
Don’t get stuck in being a “Beige Lady”–or a “Beige Man”

September 19, 2018
Dear Moms,

Trust me: It's all worth it!

You recognize the sweet moments of mothering for what they are.

Here's what I know now that I missed when our children were growing up:

The not-so-sweet moments are worth just as much.

From this vantage point I understand that every day is a "puzzle piece" in the whole of your life.

Those "nothing days" add depth you can't recognize in the middle of making a life. The tiresome, mundane stuff you do every day just because you're a mom are necessary to complete the design.

It's easy to lose sight of that in the middle of changing one more poopy diaper. Or mopping up spills on the floor you just cleaned. (Why can't it stay clean at least one day?) Or listening to another recital of, "Mommeee, look what he did to me!" followed by, "It's not my fault. She started it!"

I confess that too often I forgot that the chaos was happy chaos and forgot to appreciate that my life was good and rich and full.

Maybe you do, too.

Keep the Big Picture in Mind

I know now that every day counts, even those days so pointless or frustrating you could scream. You are leaving tracks on your child's tomorrows, one tiny bit at a time.

The old truth, "More is caught than taught," applies here.

Mom love often looks like cleaning up and mopping up. Loving and praying for strength. Cooking and packing lunches. Throwing smelly clothes into the washer. Loving and praying for patience. Chauffeuring kids and cleaning up messes and loving. Praying to know what to do. Forgiving and forgetting. Loving. Praying. Falling into bed exhausted and starting over the next morning.

Take a fresh look. See your life for what it is: a work-in-progress

That's fitting, since your children, too, are a work-in-progress.

Every part of every day, they're growing.

Whatever stage they're in, they are in the process of becoming.

You are, too.

So relax

Let go of straining to "do it right." Forget keeping track of how many boxes you can check on the latest "Effective Parenting Techniques" list.

Your kids are following you around, watching how you role-model dealing with everyday life. Every day they conduct their own comparison study on whether what you do matches what you say.

That's what they'll remember–and copy–as they live their lives.

Please take that as encouragement. If you're loving your kids and forgiving them when they mess up and accepting them for who they are, that's what they'll remember.

And you are not on your own. Just ask God to show you the way to love your family as they need to be loved and to give you strength for the day. You can trust Him to be faithful.

So just love your kids and be yourself. It's okay not to be The Coolest Mom on the Block.

Take the Long View

Will it all be good? Maybe not. You might travel through some rough patches or trying years. One child may be extra hard to handle or have special needs that don't go away. Another may develop big problems you hadn't noticed earlier. Your teenager or young adult child may disappoint you. Or worry you. Or drive you to your knees.

Not one of us wants our children to struggle, but it doesn't mean God has walked away.

From the struggle may come the strength, for them and for you.

Remember, He's growing you, too.

Where to turn when you feel overwhelmed

Don't hang around in risky territory, such as thinking I can't take any more of this. You can get stuck in that quicksand.

Take charge of your thoughts. (I promise it gets easier with practice.)

Focus your attention on the privilege of rearing the children you've been given. Even on your most trying days, remember this:

God gave you your children because you are just right for each other.

Some days you may run on empty

That's the time to put the good stuff in. Find some Bible verses that speak to your heart and fill your mind with them. I find it helps me to change my mindset if I repeat favorite Bible verses to myself.

Here's a favorite Bible verse you probably know. I underlined it in my Bible years ago and it still speaks to me when I'm feeling weary.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:29-31

Dear friends and fellow moms, breathe in that strength that never runs out and hang on. You are right where you're supposed to be and every day counts.

Take it from one who found it to be true: It's all worth it!

Love from my heart to yours,

Lenore

A love note to moms, the real movers and shakers

July 11, 2018
Standing in the airport's long check-in line I couldn't help overhearing the thirtyish couple standing ahead of us.

The petite wife pushed her long dark hair behind her ear and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I just don't want to leave this place. My mom is here and all my friends," she said between sobs.

"I know, I know," her husband said, wrapping his burly arms around her.

He stared off in the distance, then said, "Look, we've talked this over so many times and we have to go. The decision is made. We agreed we can't pass up this opportunity. Remember?"

She nodded, tears streaking her cheeks.

"It will be okay, Hon, I know it will. Can't we just go and try to be happy?"

At that moment the airlines clerk beckoned them forward.

Meeting up again

When we got to our gate, there they were. Neither one said a word. She bit her quivering lip and wiped her eyes. The husband appeared stoic, almost wooden. I know that look because I've seen it on my husband's face.

Soon the wife headed toward the ladies' restroom.

That's when I glimpsed his heart. His eyes, filled with love, were glued to her departing back. Once she was out of sight his shoulders sagged. Now his face betrayed his pain, his mouth working.

As soon as she reappeared he pasted on a smile and sat up straighter.

Perhaps she looked over and judged him to be a man without emotion or so excited and confident that her misgivings about their upcoming move didn't matter.

She sat down next to her husband, smiling a wavering smile, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Neither one said a word.

How often do we miss what the one closest to us is feeling?

Often we hide what's going on inside.

The "experts" say females are more likely to be in touch with our feelings and more able to communicate them than are most males.

That being true, it's not surprising husbands and wives often talk past each other. When we wives say what we're feeling we expect our husbands to respond with equal emotion. Often they don't, either because they can't find the words or because they really don't know what they're feeling.

We mistake their silence for tuning us out. We're quick to label them "cold" or "uncaring," even "selfish."

That day I saw both sides acted out

The young husband telegraphed his personal struggle the minute his wife walked away. His shoulders drooped and his lower lip quivered. But for her sake, he never let his wife see that.

She couldn't have known he harbored some doubts of his own.

I wanted to tell them. I had to fight the urge to walk over and say, "Be honest with each other, now, before it's final, or this could drive a wedge between you. Talk it through. Cry together. Pray together. It may hurt, but it will draw you together and make you one again."

How do I know? Because my husband and I have lived out situations of our own. Lived them out both ways. Yes, we've survived and we've worked it out eventually. But later, more than once we've thought, Oh, what a waste of time and pain when we could have been there for each other.

Sharing honestly–with kindness and consideration–might not have changed anything, outwardly. Still, it would have made all the difference in how we got through our days and got from here to there.

Do you mean we should never keep our feelings to ourselves?

No, of course not. To "let it all hang out" every single time can be destructive. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is zip our lips.

Why would we do that? Because while we may not like the thing that's before us or the mess we're living through, we believe in our marriage and that's more important than our individual feelings of the moment.

What matters is that the two of us know we're in it together. One motto applies, in every situation:

Keep your eye on your oneness and overlook the temporary struggle.

As for the ending to the airport story

I don't know what happened to those two, but they caused me to look within. I had to ask myself, how often have I been so full of my own emotion I was blind to my husband's feelings?

God gave me a gift that day, a personal object lesson. A reminder to look–and judge–with my heart, not just my eyes. Otherwise it's not the kind of love Jesus spoke of.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." –John 13:34-35 (NIV)

It's funny how God surprises us with flashes of insight in unexpected ways, isn't it?

If we open the eyes of our hearts.

In love,

Lenore

Related articles

Get marriage tips from strangers in an airport

June 27, 2018