Author: lbuth0511de28fc

If you're like me, you long to hear someone in the media look on the bright side of life.

You know, spend more time on what is good and right and true, if just for the novelty effect.

Since that seems unlikely, let's help ourselves. It's still good advice to once in awhile stop and take a slow, deep breath, then exhale. Do it again. Feel your shoulders drop and your spirit rise? Good.

Now take another deep breath and thank God for something or someone in your life that gives you joy. From now on, keep your mind tuned to what is right in your life, rather than what's wrong.

Past generations managed to get through hard times, whether national or personal–without falling apart, even when life was hard. How? Part of the credit goes to entertainers of the time. They kept everyone's morale up.

Here's one example from 1944, when it seemed World War II would never end

Bing Crosby croons a song that caught on instantly–and still carries a useful message for us today.

Johnny Mercer wrote "Accentuate the Positive" in 1944, when Americans were bone-weary of World War II. With its upbeat rhythms and happy lyrics, this tune quickly proved to be a morale-booster.

The song's instructions lay down a good track to follow

Accentuate the positive

Eliminate the negative

Latch on to the affirmative

Spread joy up to the maximum

Bring gloom down to the minimum

Perhaps this sounds like too much. Besides, where are we supposed to find the energy?

I've only found one Source that never lets me down and that's God. He won't let you down, either.

The One who knows us best and even numbers the hairs on our heads is always there, waiting for us to turn to Him and ask for what we need.

How would "accentuate the positive" play out in everyday life?

Here are some starters:

Give up keeping track of what's missing in your husband or wife, or your children or employer. (Or anyone else, for that matter.) Instead, look for what is worthwhile in them and what they do right, then talk about that.

Let go of nagging kids over poor grades or annoying habits. Instead, point out to them their good temperament qualities–like kindness–and evidences of strong character, like follow-through and keeping promises.

Stop replaying how tight finances are and bemoaning all the restrictions and things you can't afford. Instead, remind yourself what you are able to do and thank God for that.

At first it may seem no one notices, but don't quit. Little by little, your deliberate new outlook will catch on with the people in your life, especially your family.

Think what a difference that could make inside your own four walls.

Always, we decide what we will emphasize

"Accentuate the positive" means we focus on what's good and right and true in people and in our world.

For example, if everyone depends on us and it weighs us down, how will we view it? We can call it a burden. Or we can regard it as the privilege it is.

Privilege? Yes, especially for parents. Moms and dads set the tone for their families. Children constantly listen and learn, wanting to know how they are to look at life and people. Happy parents make for happy kids who feel confident about life–and themselves.

Wives and husbands probably won't label it as such, but each one supports their spouse emotionally, remembering it is who they are, not what they do. Every time they smile and hug–the more, the better–each one feels appreciated. Somehow that lessens the weight of worries and problems for each of them.

Good friends can do that, too, because we are meant to encourage each other.

Even if we live alone, we set the tone for our lives. We can start our mornings by thanking God for another day. Or we can fixate on the constant news broadcasts and talk shows. When we choose the latter, it's easy to get caught up in thinking and talking about the evil in the world and in people.

As usual and as always, it's our choice.

Before that song came the Apostle Paul

I have no proof, but it may seem logical to think Johnny Mercer took his inspiration from Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers–and sisters–whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Doesn't that sound a lot like "Accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative, Latch on to the affirmative"?

Doubts and fears still may surface now and then

I've found it helps to go back to God's promises, for example:

By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. Psalm 42:8 ESV

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea. Psalm 46:1-2 ESV

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. –Psalm 4:8 ESV

Over the years I've learned I need to be watchful over my moods and to deliberately pick out what's good in life and to thank God for it.

The ancient wisdom still holds: A thankful heart is good medicine.

Wishing you joy!

Lenore
Find a Lift for Your Day–and Your Heart–Here

March 1, 2024
I can picture you reading that title and asking, "Who, me?"

Yes, you. And me. And everybody else.

It was a new thought to me, too, until I met "Jim." Our long-ago friend had no degree, but he was a specialist in understanding people. I still hear him saying one of his favorite gems that summed up what makes us humans tick:

"Nobody does nothin' for nothin.'"

That's a folksy way of saying every one of us gets some kind of payback from what we do. Or don't do.

Every time Jim said that people within hearing distance would say, "Hmm. Never thought of it that way."

And just that simply, he nailed it. No more discussion needed.

Children love to show us this theory in action

You don't believe it? Well, consider how kids so often disobey in what their parents or caregivers would call the most "in your face" ways to do so. If you've ever watched one of these performances you might think this child is asking to get in trouble.

Maybe they are.

That's one sure way they can get attention from their parents or other adults.

Here's a truth worth pondering: For a child, negative attention beats no attention every time.

Just widen the circle of your thinking to include grownups and it's apparent that we are not so different.

Think how often it's hard to puzzle out a person's motives. We may wonder, Why does he (or she) always do that? What makes her (or him) talk like that?

Then think of Jim's "principle of human motivation."

Ask yourself what kind of payback this person may be getting

It may be a way to get a response. Concern. Sympathy. Offers of help. They may not be aware of it consciously, but it can be a way to exert control without seeming to.

Somehow Jim's down-home wisdom makes the issues clear.

Most of us know a big part of understanding people is to look deeper than the surface and perhaps, even "walk a mile in their shoes."

That can change what we think, just as this line from Scottish poet Robert Burns said when he wrote–in 1786:

"O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us to see ourselves as others see us."

I found a modern translation, with another line added–sorry, I don't remember who wrote this, but it speaks truth:

Oh, would some Power give us the gift
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion . . . .

Over time Jim's maxim raised my understanding level

First I learned to consider: What is he or she getting out of this behavior? (Or out of saying that?)

Then came the real breakthrough. I started asking myself: What am I getting out of saying or doing this?

Ouch!

That question quickly clears away any delusion that my motives are always pure and flow from my good heart.

It keeps me honest with myself and points me to a better way of thinking.

And that's a good thing.

Don't get me wrong

"Paybacks" are not all negative. Who among us is so noble that we keep on and keep on endlessly without some sort of reward?

For instance, when I treat you right, you're more likely to return the same to me. That's a reward worth having.

I've never forgotten our old friend's saying. Psychological truths about human motivation and behaviors abound. Jim's simple words clear away all the murk and help me think things through, about myself and about others.

I don't know about you, but I think human beings are endlessly fascinating. NASA can explore the dark side of the moon or life on Mars if they want to. For the rest of us, a greater mission might be to explore our own inner space and know ourselves better.

While we're exploring, let's pray for discerning hearts as well, and let's be kind to each other.

A mini-course in human relations from the Apostle Paul:

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14 ESV

Thanks for stopping by and hope you were blessed!

Lenore

How Do We Maneuver the People Around Us?

February 20, 2024
If you polled a cross-section of long-married husbands and wives no doubt you would find several commonalities.

Each love story is unique to each couple, that's a given.

The one I know best started when a handsome young fella came from afar to his cousin's wedding. At the reception which followed he smiled my way a few times and um, got my attention.

When he asked to drive me home–and smiled some more–we found we had a lot in common. Soon, as the oldsters put it, we "had it bad."

We dated long-distance for a couple of years before we married, both of us blissfully unaware of our (by today's standards) "under-developed" brains. We looked around–and looked at each other–and assumed that together, we could handle life.

After all, hadn't generations before us married even younger?

Besides, we had everything we needed

We loved each other and we were married, my husband had work and we had a little money. What more could one ask?

Call us lovestruck and naive and you'd be right. But life was sweet, just being together. Our first child was born a couple of years later and eventually we counted four. As you'd guess, every day brought new opportunities to grow and stretch in our loving.

Did we feel in over our heads? Sure, sometimes, but we managed to deal with what life dished out–and some of it was tough.

Day by day we gained a fuller understanding of what Jesus meant when He said, "Love your neighbor as yourself."

After all, what neighbor could be closer than the one who slept on the other side of the bed each night?

"AS yourself"–the opposite of Me First

There's the rub, isn't it? For everyone. "I, me, mine and what I want" comes as standard equipment in our human nature. If you doubt that, just watch a couple of toddlers in action.

That's part of who we are, which explains why no one has a perfect marriage.

When two human beings pledge their lifelong love to each other they bring their human weaknesses them. Those who become parents, even while loving their kids dearly, inevitably find that time for themselves shrinks.

That stokes one's inner nag to whisper (or shout) "But I want … ." It's tempting to give in to self-pity, but that can ruin a marriage. Instead, concentrate on what's right and preserve your marriage.

So we stretch. We grow–and it's both exciting and exhausting. This makes "celebrate" the perfect word partner for "wedding anniversary."

Could a second promise be just as important?

Thanks be we two dumb kids had enough sense to agree from the beginning that our marriage would be grounded in Christ.

We couldn't have known then how that would play out. How our oneness of faith would cut down on tension and disagreements over this issue or that, especially after we became parents.

Life offered us plenty of opportunities to understand the truth of this favorite wedding text:

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.                                                        Ecclesiastes 4:12

We two meant it when we pledged our love for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Like every other bride and groom we couldn't have known in that moment how the strength of our commitment would be tested over the years.

Recently a friend told of attending a wedding where the bride and groom promised to be faithful "as long as we both shall love."

Self-delusion for sure. Anyone who marries with the expectation that love will always be at flood stage is living in La-La Land.

Here's reality. Some days the feeling of love is high and both spouses are all smiles and hugs. Other days one or the other runs on empty and has to remind themselves not to pull away, remembering that moods come and go.

Consider it the perfect time to remember one of the Marriage Encounter foundational principles:

"Love is not just an emotion. Love is an action verb."

Even the strongest marriages sometimes hit a rough patch, often for no particular reason

What helps most is for each one to take an honest look within and (gulp!) face their own lacks and failures. Embrace humility. Not a groveling kind of humility, but rather a mutual acceptance of each other as they are.

Time to remember that no human being is capable of loving perfectly, so what to do? There's good reason Christian wives and husbands cherish Bible promises of forgiveness in Christ, such as Ephesians 4:32:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Can you think of a better step-by-step formula to enable married couples or parents and children to live together happily?

Lessons learned over the years

There's no magic formula and no two marriage relationships are identical, but some principles can be helpful for all.

First, last and always, pray. Talk to our loving, merciful God about your marriage, your life and your needs.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.   Philippians 4:6

Then walk in faith. Love with your whole heart. If you feel you're running on empty ask God to refuel your love.

Watch your thoughts. Take it from one who knows, what we think about all the time may be total illusion, but it can crowd out what's real. In marriage as in all of life, keep your attention on what is, not on what's missing.

Will it be worth all the prayers and tears and struggles? Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!

Wishing you joy,

Lenore

You Can Grow a Marriage That Lasts

February 12, 2024
That sounds impossible, doesn't it?

I used to think so, too. Then one day what I considered an inconvenience turned out to be pure blessing.

There I was, stuck in a line of shoppers waiting to check out at a local warehouse store. As usual, the place teemed with shoppers. Most of us were scowling and fidgety, checking our phones as we remained parked in line.

Not the petite older woman ahead of me. She seemed to have all the time in the world and looked around with a half-smile, as if she were slightly amused.

Finally she reached the checkout stand and the checker suppressed a yawn before saying, "Hello! Hope you're in the middle of a good day."

She smiled, then said, "Yes, of course I'm having a good day. I always have a good day."

"Really! How do you manage that?"

"Oh, it's easy. I decided a long time ago that I was done with having bad days. They're nothing more than a huge waste of time.

"I told myself that from then on I would have only good days–and I do, I really do. It took a little practice but now I refuse to get upset, no matter what happens."

The checker looked a bit flummoxed at that, but then said, "Um, that's great. You make it sound really simple."

"Well, I look at it this way: I'm the one in one in charge of my mind, nobody else."

As she put away her wallet and prepared to walk away she said, "I'm not handing that control over to anyone else."

She pointed upward

"Besides," she said, "I know who's watching over me, so I just figure one way or another, whatever happens HE will make everything work out okay."

By then all three of us were smiling.

The checker said, "Thanks, I needed that reminder today. When I get uptight I make myself take a few deep breaths. Then I shrug my shoulders a few times and try to relax."

As the little lady started to walk away, the checker said, "I like your way better. You decide beforehand your day will be good. I think I'll try that myself."

Our "teacher" flashed a parting smile and said, "You do that! Bet you'll be glad you did!"

I watched her while waiting for the checker to finish my order

She looked to be an oasis of serenity as she strolled through the crowd of hurrying people, many of them texting or talking on their phones while shushing their kids.

Her body language communicated that she possessed what I wanted for myself: A calm spirit. Inner peace. Smiles instead of frowns.

As I walked to my car I knew I would remember that encounter. My fellow shopper reminded me of what I had believed all my life, that yes, God is still in control and yes, I do have a will and and I choose how I look at life.

Before I even drove home I promised myself I would follow her example–and why couldn't I? She obviously drew her strength from the same Power Source I relied on, the One who never fails us.

I stuck with that resolution and began learning all over again to remember that each day is a gift from God. My call is to regard every day as a good day even before I began it.

She was right. I like this way much better, too.

Strength for the journey, especially on those "Who cares?" days

The Bible is filled with verses we can use as hand-holds whenever the climb feels too steep. Verses such as these:

This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Growth can take awhile

For me it often feels like a two steps forward, one step back process. I came to understand that's okay because I still move one step closer to my goal.

I have learned over time that my nameless friend spoke deep truth that day. It makes all the difference to decide beforehand that our day(s) will be good That simple move changes us, changes how we see ourselves and our life situation.

Inevitably, how we relate to the people around us changes, too–and that can bring the sweetest reward of all. Every day of every year.

Blessings to you and yours,

Lenore

Here’s the simple secret to having only good days

January 6, 2024
None of us know what Mary felt, but Scripture says it was something like this:

The day began like every other day.

Then out of nowhere a radiant being stood before me and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Somehow I knew it was an angel, yet why would an angel come to me? I was a poor young woman who lived in lowly Nazareth.

The angel said, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High."

I could make no sense of it, but as I felt my heart warm within me I knew it must be true.

"How will this be, since I am a virgin?"

"The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God . . . For nothing is impossible with God."

I could say nothing but "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."

Suddenly I was alone again and my heart brimmed over with wonder and joy.

But … What will I tell Joseph?

Joseph! My precious Joseph, my betrothed. As was the custom, we were waiting out our year of betrothal before we came together as husband and wife.

What would Joseph say when he found out? What would he do?

A shiver of fear ran down my spine. He could accuse me in front of the elders and have me flogged in the public square. I would be disgraced. Alone.

No, I and this child would live in disgrace.

I sat a long time, pondering. Praying. Crying. I swung from joy to sadness and back to joy, over and over again.

At last I resolved to trust the Lord, no matter what

As any other man would be, Joseph was stunned to find out I was pregnant. Finally he said he cared too much for me to see me judged. That dear, righteous man would quietly seek a divorce.

Not long after, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream, saying, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

Joseph believed! Neither of us really understood, but we believed

How, I cannot say, but we knew it had to be true that God chose Joseph and me to be part of his miracle in sending his only son to earth.

Joseph took me to his home. We already had agreed not to come together as husband and wife until after God's Son was born.

Just as I feared, the townspeople whispered about the child I was carrying. The men called Joseph a fool, but he paid them no mind. He became my protector and my support.

The months went by.

Then Emperor Caesar Augustus decreed a census must be taken of the entire Roman world

Caesar ruled his Empire with an iron fist, so we had no choice. Joseph and I both belonged to the line of David, so we must travel from Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, and then to Bethlehem, the city of David.

Oh, the misery of that journey! I knew God's Son would be born soon. Whether I walked or rode on the donkey, I felt every jolt, every rock, every rut in the road.

Toward the end I did not think I could go on and I held my aching belly as I walked. We were close to Bethlehem when I felt a sharp pain down low. I knew my time to give birth would be soon.

Yet we had no place to stay.

Joseph searched the town, pounding on doors, frantically inquiring of innkeepers. There were no rooms, not anywhere. At last one kind man took pity and told us we could stay in his stable.

A stable for God's Son?

At least we would be out of the cold night air and have a bit of privacy. The innkeeper lent us a small oil lamp. We watched its light dance and flicker on the rough walls and listened to the soft sounds of the animals.

Joseph did what he could. He spread out a garment for me and helped me lie down on it. My swollen feet throbbed and my whole body ached.

We had only the warmth–and the smell–of the animals. Only our love for each other.

Only the waiting for God's Son to be born.

Then my labor pangs began in earnest, quickly growing stronger. Joseph stayed by my side, his eyes filling with tears as he stroked my forehead and tenderly whispered my name, over and over. I hear him still: Mary. Mary …

Then the urge to push grew stronger. With one final push and a long sigh my labor was over.

God's Son, the Savior, the long-awaited Messiah, was born!

As I looked into my baby's face I wondered what the future might hold for him. Then I wrapped him in soft cloths I brought with me and held him.

After awhile I laid the Child on top of the fresh hay Joseph had spread in the manger. It was the cleanest place in that cattle barn.

We never could have imagined what would come next. A group of shepherds burst into the stable. They went right to the manger and gazed down at Jesus. Then they bowed down in worship.

Their faces glowed.

As if they already knew who he was

After awhile they told us what brought them to the manger. They were guarding their sheep out on the Bethlehem hills as usual.

Suddenly everything around them shone so bright they fell to the ground. Then an angel appeared and said, "I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Before they could speak a word the sky filled with a great company of angels, all of them singing and praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men."

Just as suddenly the angels were gone. The shepherds could hardly contain themselves. One said, "Let us go to Bethlehem and see this wonderful thing!"

So they abandoned their sheep and ran as fast as they could to find the Savior, Christ the Lord, there in that lowly manger just as the angel told them.

Why were any of us surprised?

Centuries before Jesus was born there lived a prophet of God named Isaiah. He foretold that a virgin would be with child and give birth to a son who would be called Immanuel, which means, "God with us."

I never stopped thanking God for choosing me to be part of that glorious night.

Still, to my dying day I wondered how it could be that one night God stepped into our world and almost no one paid attention.

_________________________________

Dear reader friends,

To read the best-known account of Christ's birth, turn to Luke 2:1-20 in the Bible.

Nothing has changed: Jesus is God with us. All who believe in him as Lord and Savior are forgiven for every sin and will live eternally. (John 3:16-17)

Thank you for reading my blog. I pray each of you will have JOY in Jesus this Christmas–and throughout every day of the year ahead!

With love,

Lenore

Looking at the first Christmas through Mary’s eyes

December 13, 2023
If someone asked, "Tell me about you and your life," how would you answer?

We all have a mental picture of who we are.

Maybe we lost track of where it came from but we're used to it and it feels like fact. Every moment this inner picture either lifts us up or drags us down.

Our thoughts–and our words–can hem us in or set us free.

Does that sound like an exaggeration? Take a listen

Sometime back a popular radio talk show host announced the day's topic: "Are you a victim?"

He introduced his guest, a professional counselor, and then opened the phone lines. One of the first callers was "Rita," whose tears kept interrupting her story

"Am I a victim? Absolutely! Last fall I was beaten up and raped. That attacker ruined my life!"

Asked about her family or friends, Rita replied they kept trying to reach her and her fiancé still wanted to marry her.

"I don't want to see any of them!" she sobbed. "Everyone just feels sorry for me, so I don't go out. Anywhere. With anyone.

"They tell me I'm depressed, but why wouldn't I be? My life was good and I had a happy future planned with the man I love. Now I know I will never be the same. I can't ever be the same.

"Once you become a rape victim it changes everything."

"Mindy" called next

She said, "I was raped, too, by a neighbor I thought I could trust. That horror followed years of my stepfather molesting me.

"Like your last caller, I saw myself as a victim. I lashed out at anyone who came near me and kept asking, 'Why me?' Night and day I hugged my pain around me and inside, I shivered in misery.

"After a long time I realized I had lost myself. When I thought of myself as 'the victim,' I locked out everything and everybody. I decided I didn't want to live like that anymore, so I searched out a good counselor and worked on building a new life. A better life.

"I want to say to the woman who just called, it's true you never will forget what happened. But you decide what you will do with this experience.

"You can rename it, like, call it a pothole in the road you were on. Everyone has those. Hitting a bump in the road can give you a bad jolt and leave you shaken, but it doesn't have to stop you in your journey–unless you let it.

"I hope you can hear me. I know your pain, I really do because I've been there. I came to understand that I was choosing to see myself as injured. Damaged. Powerless.

"Forgive me, I know this sounds harsh, but that awful man did not make you a victim. You are doing that all by yourself."

Could there be meaning for our lives?

Here's my number one takeaway:

In every situation, how we think and speak of ourselves not only impacts our lives, but can determine our lives.

Once we plug that into our thinking it can help us deal with whatever comes.

Whatever the reason, we all have times we feel unworthy and unlovable. Some of us ache with regrets over past or current failures or problems we can't fix.

Some of us loved and counted on a person who let us down in some way. Some of us constantly replay hurtful conversations that haunt us. Some of us got a raw deal from an employer or a co-worker and can't let go of the injustice.

Whatever is on our personal list, here's the truth in all of it: All these circumstances are the ordinary stuff of life.

Simply put, life can be hard. How do we live with the day-to-day?

Always, the same truth applies

We get to choose how we label–and view–our lives. And ourselves. Every. Single. Time.

We can stay in the "pity pit" and be stuck with its lousy view. We can vow to trust no one ever again, as a way to protect ourselves.

We can put up emotional walls against being wounded, essentially living as loners, even within a marriage.

Or–and I know this may sound too simple–we can dig deep and decide to leave our heavy load behind, with the One who knows our everything and loves us still:

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed … There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus … "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

John 8:36, Romans 8:1, John 14:27 -ESV

Millions of believers around the world know that no other way brings real inner peace

Faith in Jesus as our Lord and Savior gives us a new identity: "Child of God, Washed Clean and Set Free by Jesus."

This identity cancels out harmful labels, whatever they may be. It enables us to let go of what weighs us down and to finally be at peace. With God. With ourselves. And with the people in our lives.

It's as Jesus said to his followers in John 14:27:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Praying for you, my reader friend,

Lenore

How Do You See Yourself?

December 1, 2023
When Nick Vujicic speaks–and he does, all over the world–people hang on every word. They can't quite believe that this man is saying what he's saying.

Certainly I found that to be true.

Some years ago my husband and I heard Nick speak and afterward joined the crowd around the stage. His smile lit up the room.

Since then I've seen him on television and just recently on YouTube.

Always, I marvel how every day he triumphs over challenges that would drive many of us to curl up in the corner and wail.

And then there are his remarkable parents. Three sonograms gave them no warning their child would be born with problems.

Imagine their shock to find their newborn son possessed no arms and no legs, only a sort of a "foot flipper" at the bottom left of his torso.

What would you do?

No doubt many well-meaning people told Nick's parents that raising their severely handicapped child would be too much for them and they should turn him over to the professionals.

They paid no attention.

That plucky pair took their baby son home and somehow loved him into a remarkable wholeness of spirit.

They did more than love him absolutely. They gave Nick a lifetime gift.

They instilled in him the sense that he was bigger than the obstacles he faced.

They assured their son he could trust God to make a way for him and use him. Somehow. Somewhere. Some way.

Still, it was years before Nick believed it wholeheartedly for himself.

The boy with the hard name and the weird body

Nick Vujicic (VOO-yee-cheech) was born in Melbourne, Australia, in 1982. As you would guess, being taunted and bullied were everyday occurrences.

He says, "I often came home crying and told my parents, 'I hate school! The kids make fun of me!'

"My parents always said, 'Don't pay any attention. You're God's creation, fearfully and wonderfully made, and we love you. You just smile back and talk to them and play with them as much as you can.' After awhile things got better, but I often felt depressed.

"I accepted myself after I read about the blind man in John 9.  I read how Jesus said the blind man was born that way so that the works of God would be revealed through him. I said to God that if He had a plan for that man I certainly believed that He had one for me.

"That's when I totally surrendered the idea of ‘needing to know the plan’ and trusted in Him one day at a time."

Would you describe Nick as "disabled?"

Most people would. Here's what he says about disability: "We all have brokenness. Mine just shows more than most people's.

"Fear is the biggest disability of all. Fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. Courage is doing what's in front of us, even when we're afraid."

Asked how he finds courage to keep going every day, Nick smiled. "I thank God for what I have instead of complaining about what I don't have.

Nick says, “If God can use a man without arms and legs to be His hands and feet, then certainly He will use any willing heart!”

God answers Nick's heartfelt prayers

For years Nick wondered whether any woman ever could or ever would love him. Then God answered his lifelong prayers for a godly wife and a family of his own.

He and Kanae fell in love and then married on February 12, 2012.

And now they have four beautiful children.

(To read more of his story, go to his website: www.lifewithoutlimbs.org or Google his name.)

Nick Vujicic often quotes a favorite verse.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."                                  Jeremiah 29:11

Dear reader friends, that same promise applies to you and to me, every bit as much as it does to Nick. If we compare our problems to Nick's we may feel we have no right to complain, but we are human. Inevitably, we will have times when we feel broken and downhearted. Even then, in Jesus Christ our hope and our future is secure.

Let's resolve to live our lives, too, by the sure and certain promises we find in God's Word.

Lenore

You Can Soar Above Your Challenges

October 26, 2023
Every one of us may answer that differently but still, we would prefer our lives to run along smoothly.

Please raise your hand if that describes your life. Hmm.

Okay then, let's consider the question from a different angle. Did you ever consider what your tough times taught you? Or watch that play out for someone else?

I learned a big life lesson from our long-ago friend Bill. He and his wife were part of a small group of friends who got together every couple of weeks. We often talked about our lives, our problems and how we as Christians could deal with them.

Whatever the situation, Bill's opinion seldom wavered. He believed the trials that test our will and our strength created a situation where our faith could shine through.

Plain-spoken Bill always managed to insert his favorite truth:

"When the rubber meets the road, what's inside us will show up."

Then a huge pothole opened up in front of Bill

When our group met that week Bill seemed distracted. Finally he said, "This has been one tough week and I'm glad it's over!"

Then Bill spelled it out for us:

As a building contractor, he had survived more than one economic challenge by barely hanging on. Then demand picked up, so he hired a few sub-contractors. Two of them never showed up and the third guy did shoddy work.

Then building materials were delivered to his warehouse and on inspection turned out to be sub-standard.

In one of his buildings careless renters set their apartment on fire, which spread to adjoining units in another building he managed.

"All this in one week?" I asked.

"Yeah. Problems are nothing new, but usually I have some breathing space."

Somebody asked how he managed to keep going and keep on trusting, even when it seemed everything had turned sour.

Bill thought a bit, then said, "Guess I have enough smarts to learn from life and trust God to get me through."

Then the rubber hit Bill's road, big time

His doctor delivered a shock. Results of recent tests showed that Bill's "little problem" was a life-threatening health crisis.

He sought out the best medical treatment he could afford. Extensive surgery and arduous treatments followed, but Bill followed instructions precisely. He and his wife came to church as often as he was able, Bill walking slowly and leaning on a cane. His face looked pale and drawn, but still he smiled.

Still spoke faith and encouragement to the rest of us.

Again and again my husband and I watched this one man lift the spirits of everyone who glimpsed him or who was within range of his voice.

"Hey, it's just life," Bill would say. "God is in charge and I am at peace. I'm keeping my eyes on Him. However He works it out, I win."

That's true for the rest of us, too

We moved several months later but the last I heard, Bill had recovered his health and energy.

I think of him when I read again what the Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11-13:

… I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. NIV

Paul's "circumstances" were no slice of angel food cake. Just read 2 Corinthians 11:16-33 to read of Paul's floggings, beatings, imprisonments, shipwrecks and being left for dead many times.

Was that how Paul learned to be content?

Surely Paul must have had times of feeling alone and abandoned

That's when he clung to Jesus, as he wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:7-10:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. NIV

Are you wondering about the "jars of clay?" Paul knew Scripture backwards and forwards and was referring to Genesis 2.

That's where God created the first human being (Adam) out of the dust of the earth, remember?

Our friend Bill lived the truth of Paul's words

Even on his worst days, this down-to-earth guy presented a ready smile to the world. We Christian friends knew what kept Bill going. He drew on the light of Jesus and the strength of Jesus within him.

Like the Apostle Paul, Bill kept his eyes on Jesus rather than on himself and what was going on in his life. When he slipped up–and he did, of course, being human–he went back to what he believed, asked God's help and began again.

With evidently no self-pride or aim to impress, Bill simply lived his life as a man who depended on Jesus living within him to get him through his days.

You know that saying that we believers are to be "little Christs" in the world we live in?

Bill just being Bill lived out that truth and everyone around him wanted what he had.

He believed the truth of Ephesians 2:10 every day

It's all ours for the taking, if we, like Bill, keep our eyes on the One who promises to enable us and be our strength:

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Psalm 73:26 NLT

He depended on God and His power, not on his own–and said so. He left everyone who knew him an unforgettable model for living.

Simply said, Bill chose to have the best of times–even in his worst of times.

I pray your life is good, my friend, and your heart is at peace,

Lenore

Best of Times or Worst of Times? It’s Your Call

October 23, 2023
A lot of people believe the very idea of keeping love alive–and thriving–over the years is an impossible dream. Not true.

From what I've observed over the years what's needed most is that each marriage partner does their best to keep their marriage Priority One.

How does that play out in practical terms? Something like this:

1. Check how you look at life

Because you two are building a life and a future together, think "we" instead of "me."

Abandon any "I need to do what's best for me" thinking. In marriage each one aims to put the other's needs and wants ahead of their own. (You're partners, united in building your life together.)

It's not an exact science, not something to keep track of. How it plays out from day to day will vary.

Is this uncomfortable at times? Yes. Does it communicate that you value the person you married? Yes. Does it reinforce your oneness? Yes.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

2. Major in looking for strengths instead of weaknesses

It's always easier to pick out what's wrong in a person or a situation. Let that go and focus on what's good and right. Affirm those qualities with your honest praise.

The receiver(s) will beam and grow stronger. So will your marriage–and your family.

Promise each other to strike phrases like, "You never," and "You always" from your self-talk and conversations. (And especially from your arguments.)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.   Ephesians 4:29

3. Safeguard your trust in each other

Being trust-worthy is a gift you give each other and build on by being honest with each other, time after time, always with love and kindness.

What if one of you says or does something hurtful? Forget pride. The one needs to apologize sincerely and the other needs to forgive. Then leave it behind.

Being able to trust the one you're married to glues you together, even during the worst of times and communicates to your children that they can trust their parents.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

4. Give up the idea of 50-50

Forget tracking who did more of what last time and the times before that. This kind of nitpicking kills love.

Struggling to find the "right" percentages seldom pays off. In the strongest marriages, sometimes one gives more and sometimes the other gives more, according to what's needed at the time.

Happy couples know the life they're building together counts more than who "wins."

[Jesus said] "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them." Luke 6:31

5. Abandon expectations of how it should be

This sets you up to be disappointed whenever your spouse or your life doesn't meet some idea of "perfect" you heard about or read about.

Harping on little annoyances slowly erodes a marriage relationship. Choose instead to be glad for what is. Talk about that, build on it–and get more of it.

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18

6. Accept that your marriage partner has human frailties, just as you do

For all of us, it's easier to forgive ourselves for our own weaknesses and slip-ups than to forgive our spouse for theirs.

Aim to be at least as objective and charitable toward the one you married as you are with your friends.

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

7. Recognize the power of words

Not everything is worth saying.

Hurtful words live on in memory long after bad moods and angry outbursts have passed. So do words of thoughtful praise and love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

8. Appreciate the day you're living now

Instead of thinking "someday" will be better, work on making this day better. A lifetime consists of days, lived out one at a time.

One day at a time you can get through rough spots and scary times together.

Mindset matters. So does what you say about your relationship, whether to each other or to friends or co-workers because this also impacts how you view your marriage and your life.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 (New Living Translation)

9. Love is not just an emotion

Real, lasting love is so much more. Every day one decides to keep on loving. That makes love an action word.

We can decide to act in loving ways even when our emotions are lukewarm. Almost always the feeling of love will return soon.

Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.   Ephesians 4:32

10. Pray

Prayer is simply talking to our loving Father from the heart–and knowing He hears us.

My husband and I prayed individually and attended worship services together from the start. We did our best to follow Bible teachings in how we lived and parented our children.

Yet somehow we didn't begin praying aloud together for years. Only then did we realize we had cheated ourselves out of so much because this real, honest sharing helped us understand each other better. It deepened our individual faith as well.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. Psalm 145:18

Building a strong marriage doesn't happen in a week or two

Even for two people who start out full of love and joy, growing a marriage is the work of a lifetime–and it's worth it!

Take the long view. Some days and some stretches of time will be better than others. That's life. For everyone.

Don't get fixated on what may in reality be little more than a blip in the story of your life together. Stay focused on what matters most.

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:23

Believe in your marriage

Can love last? Absolutely! Ignore those who deny or ridicule that truth.

Make it your mutual, unshakable resolve to stay worthy of each other's love and to nurture your relationship. Your joy in each other will warm your hearts.

For countless couples, including my husband and me, our shared faith in Jesus made all the difference. (Now you know why I included so many Bible verses.)

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Blessings, always,

Lenore

Yes, You Can Have a Marriage That Lasts

October 3, 2023
It's surprising, but the true basics of making life better often sound too simple.

I found that to be true back when I was a young mother trying to hold it all together.

No matter how hectic the day, I never missed one syndicated column in our daily newspaper: "The Worry Clinic," written by a Dr. George Crane.

All I knew about "Dr. Crane" was what the tiny blurb at the bottom stated, that he was a licensed, professional counselor. But I liked his column because he mostly avoided psychiatric terminology and spoke plain English. I didn't always agree with him but often I found insights and ideas I hadn't thought about.

When I stumbled across a reprint of his column it felt like finding a lost friend

While searching for something else on Google, Dr. Crane's piece popped up. Immediately my mind flashed back to the first time I read these same words in our newspaper, then reread them. I clipped his column and taped it to a cupboard door.

After that I read it at least once a day, always asking God to help me stick with it.

One day at a time . . . Soon I noticed myself feeling more calm, more settled. More positive about my life, even though our family hubbub went on as usual.

Time hasn't changed my opinion that this wisdom still rings true

This is said to be an exact reprint of Dr. Crane's original piece, penned over a century ago. (Because of continuing requests it reappeared in his column periodically over the years. )

  JUST FOR TODAY

Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning.

They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work.

These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

2. Just for Today, I will be Happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of Externals.

3. Just for Today, I will Adjust myself to what Is, and not try to Adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

4. Just for Today, I will take care of my Body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

6. Just for Today, I will exercise my Soul. In three ways, to wit:

    (a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.

    (b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

    (c) I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but Today I will not show it.

7. Just for To-day, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

8. Just for Today, I will have a Programme. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests, Hurry and Indecision.

9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

10. Just for Today, I will be Unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be Happy, to enjoy what is Beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love love me.

                                                       (Written by Dr. George Crane in 1921)

If I said I ever mastered this list I would be lying

It still provides a checklist of how I want to live and look at life.

I suspect I'm not the only person who feels this way. As a Christian, I recognized it echoed Psalm 118:24:

This is the day that the Lord has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it.

At any age, any stage of life, we start with rejoicing and deciding to be glad for the blessing of each day. If we add in Dr. Crane's principles, one by one, our tomorrows can't help being happier.

Working on it, too,

Lenore

Do You Want a Better Tomorrow? Start Here

September 23, 2023