Author: lbuth0511de28fc

  • Every one of us may answer that differently but still, we would prefer our lives to run along smoothly. 

    Blog. Construction worker. 4.14Please raise your hand if that describes your life. Hmm.

    Okay then, let's consider the question from a different angle. Did you ever consider what your tough times taught you? Or watch that play out for someone else? 

    I learned a big life lesson from our long-ago friend Bill. He and his wife were part of a small group of friends who got together every couple of weeks. We often talked about our lives, our problems and how we as Christians could deal with them. 

    Whatever the situation, Bill's opinion seldom wavered. He believed the trials that test our will and our strength created a situation where our faith could shine through. 

    Plain-spoken Bill always managed to insert his favorite truth:

    "When the rubber meets the road, what's inside us will show up."

    Then a huge pothole opened up in front of Bill     

    When our group met that week Bill seemed distracted. Finally he said, "This has been one tough week and I'm glad it's over!" 

    Then Bill spelled it out for us:   

    As a building contractor, he had survived more than one economic challenge by barely hanging on. Then demand picked up, so he hired a few sub-contractors. Two of them never showed up and the third guy did shoddy work.  

    Then building materials were delivered to his warehouse and on inspection turned out to be sub-standard. 

    In one of his buildings careless renters set their apartment on fire, which spread to adjoining units in another building he managed.

    "All this in one week?" I asked.

    "Yeah. Problems are nothing new, but usually I have some breathing space."  

    Somebody asked how he managed to keep going and keep on trusting, even when it seemed everything had turned sour.

    Bill thought a bit, then said, "Guess I have enough smarts to learn from life and trust God to get me through."

    Then the rubber hit Bill's road, big time 

    His doctor delivered a shock. Results of recent tests showed that Bill's "little problem" was a life-threatening health crisis.

    He sought out the best medical treatment he could afford. Extensive surgery and arduous treatments followed, but Bill followed instructions precisely. He and his wife came to church as often as he was able, Bill walking slowly and leaning on a cane. His face looked pale and drawn, but still he smiled. 

    Still spoke faith and encouragement to the rest of us. 

    Again and again my husband and I watched this one man lift the spirits of everyone who glimpsed him or who was within range of his voice. 

    "Hey, it's just life," Bill would say. "God is in charge and I am at peace. I'm keeping my eyes on Him. However He works it out, I win." 

    That's true for the rest of us, too

    We moved several months later but the last I heard, Bill had recovered his health and energy.

    I think of him when I read again what the Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11-13:

     … I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.

    I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

    I can do all this through him who gives me strength. NIV

    Paul's "circumstances" were no slice of angel food cake. Just read 2 Corinthians 11:16-33 to read of Paul's floggings, beatings, imprisonments, shipwrecks and being left for dead many times.

    Was that how Paul learned to be content?

    Surely Paul must have had times of feeling alone and abandoned

    That's when he clung to Jesus, as he wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:7-10:

    But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

    We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

    We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.   NIV

    Are you wondering about the "jars of clay?" Paul knew Scripture backwards and forwards and was referring to Genesis 2.

    That's where God created the first human being (Adam) out of the dust of the earth, remember?

    Our friend Bill lived the truth of Paul's words

    Even on his worst days, this down-to-earth guy presented a ready smile to the world. We Christian friends knew what kept Bill going. He drew on the light of Jesus and the strength of Jesus within him.   

    Like the Apostle Paul, Bill kept his eyes on Jesus rather than on himself and what was going on in his life. When he slipped up–and he did, of course, being human–he went back to what he believed, asked God's help and began again.

    With evidently no self-pride or aim to impress, Bill simply lived his life as a man who depended on Jesus living within him to get him through his days.

    You know that saying that we believers are to be "little Christs" in the world we live in?  

    Bill just being Bill lived out that truth and everyone around him wanted what he had.

    He believed the truth of Ephesians 2:10 every day

    It's all ours for the taking, if we, like Bill, keep our eyes on the One who promises to enable us and be our strength:

    My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.    Psalm 73:26  NLT

    He depended on God and His power, not on his own–and said so. He left everyone who knew him an unforgettable model for living. 

    Simply said, Bill chose to have the best of times–even in his worst of times. 

    I pray your life is good, my friend, and your heart is at peace,

    Lenore

  • Blog. Couple baking cookies. 10.23A lot of people believe the very idea of keeping love alive–and thriving–over the years is an impossible dream. Not true.

    From what I've observed over the years what's needed most is that each marriage partner does their best to keep their marriage Priority One.  

    How does that play out in practical terms? Something like this:

    1.   Check how you look at life 

    Because you two are building a life and a future together, think "we" instead of "me." 

    Abandon any "I need to do what's best for me" thinking. In marriage each one aims to put the other's needs and wants ahead of their own. (You're partners, united in building your life together.)  

    It's not an exact science, not something to keep track of. How it plays out from day to day will vary. 

    Is this uncomfortable at times? Yes. Does it communicate that you value the person you married? Yes. Does it reinforce your oneness? Yes.

    Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.   Ephesians 4:2   

    2.  Major in looking for strengths instead of weaknesses 

    It's always easier to pick out what's wrong in a person or a situation. Let that go and focus on what's good and right. Affirm those qualities with your honest praise.

    The receiver(s) will beam and grow stronger. So will your marriage–and your family.

    Promise each other to strike phrases like, "You never," and "You always" from your self-talk and conversations. (And especially from your arguments.)

    Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.   Ephesians 4:29   

    3.  Safeguard your trust in each other

    Being trust-worthy is a gift you give each other and build on by being honest with each other, time after time, always with love and kindness.   

    What if one of you says or does something hurtful? Forget pride. The one needs to apologize sincerely and the other needs to forgive. Then leave it behind.  

    Being able to trust the one you're married to glues you together, even during the worst of times and communicates to your children that they can trust their parents. 

    Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.      Ephesians 4:32

    4.  Give up the idea of 50-50

    Forget tracking who did more of what last time and the times before that. This kind of nitpicking kills love.

    Struggling to find the "right" percentages seldom pays off. In the strongest marriages, sometimes one gives more and sometimes the other gives more, according to what's needed at the time.

    Happy couples know the life they're building together counts more than who "wins."  

    [Jesus said] "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them."  Luke 6:31 

    5.  Abandon expectations of how it should be

    This sets you up to be disappointed whenever your spouse or your life doesn't meet some idea of "perfect" you heard about or read about.  

    Harping on little annoyances slowly erodes a marriage relationship. Choose instead to be glad for what is. Talk about that, build on it–and get more of it. 

    Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.              1 John 3:18

    6.  Accept that your marriage partner has human frailties, just as you do

    For all of us, it's easier to forgive ourselves for our own weaknesses and slip-ups than to forgive our spouse for theirs.

    Aim to be at least as objective and charitable toward the one you married as you are with your friends.

    Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers over a multitude of sins.   1 Peter 4:8  

    7.  Recognize the power of words  

    Not everything is worth saying.

    Hurtful words live on in memory long after bad moods and angry outbursts have passed. So do words of thoughtful praise and love.

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.    1 Corinthians 13:4-5

    8.  Appreciate the day you're living now 

    Instead of thinking "someday" will be better, work on making this day better. A lifetime consists of days, lived out one at a time.

    One day at a time you can get through rough spots and scary times together.

    Mindset matters. So does what you say about your relationship, whether to each other or to friends or co-workers because this also impacts how you view your marriage and your life.  

    Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.   Ephesians 4:29  (New Living Translation) 

    9.  Love is not just an emotion

    Real, lasting love is so much more. Every day one decides to keep on loving. That makes love an action word.

    We can decide to act in loving ways even when our emotions are lukewarm. Almost always the feeling of love will return soon.  

    Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.   Ephesians 4:32 

    10. Pray 

    Prayer is simply talking to our loving Father from the heart–and knowing He hears us.  

    My husband and I prayed individually and attended worship services together from the start. We did our best to follow Bible teachings in how we lived and parented our children. 

    Yet somehow we didn't begin praying aloud together for years. Only then did we realize we had cheated ourselves out of so much because this real, honest sharing helped us understand each other better. It deepened our individual faith as well. 

    The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.        Psalm 145:18

    Building a strong marriage doesn't happen in a week or two

    Even for two people who start out full of love and joy, growing a marriage is the work of a lifetime–and it's worth it! 

    Take the long view. Some days and some stretches of time will be better than others. That's life. For everyone.

    Don't get fixated on what may in reality be little more than a blip in the story of your life together. Stay focused on what matters most. 

    With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.    Ephesians 4:23

    Believe in your marriage

    Can love last? Absolutely! Ignore those who deny or ridicule that truth.

    Make it your mutual, unshakable resolve to stay worthy of each other's love and to nurture your relationship. Your joy in each other will warm your hearts.

    For countless couples, including my husband and me, our shared faith in Jesus made all the difference. (Now you know why I included so many Bible verses.)

    So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.      1 Corinthians 13:13

    Blessings, always,

    Lenore

  • It's surprising, but the true basics of making life better often sound too simple.  

    Blog. Thoughtful woman. Coffeecup. 9.23I found that to be true back when I was a young mother trying to hold it all together.

    No matter how hectic the day, I never missed one syndicated column in our daily newspaper: "The Worry Clinic," written by a Dr. George Crane.

    All I knew about "Dr. Crane" was what the tiny blurb at the bottom stated, that he was a licensed, professional counselor. But I liked his column because he mostly avoided psychiatric terminology and spoke plain English. I didn't always agree with him but often I found insights and ideas I hadn't thought about.  

    When I stumbled across a reprint of his column it felt like finding a lost friend

    While searching for something else on Google, Dr. Crane's piece popped up. Immediately my mind flashed back to the first time I read these same words in our newspaper, then reread them. I clipped his column and taped it to a cupboard door.

    After that I read it at least once a day, always asking God to help me stick with it.

    One day at a time . . . Soon I noticed myself feeling more calm, more settled. More positive about my life, even though our family hubbub went on as usual.

    Time hasn't changed my opinion that this wisdom still rings true

    This is said to be an exact reprint of Dr. Crane's original piece, penned over a century ago. (Because of continuing requests it reappeared in his column periodically over the years. )

      JUST FOR TODAY

    Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning.

    They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work.

    These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

    1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

    2. Just for Today, I will be Happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of Externals.

    3. Just for Today, I will Adjust myself to what Is, and not try to Adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

    4. Just for Today, I will take care of my Body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

    5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

    6. Just for Today, I will exercise my Soul. In three ways, to wit:

        (a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.

        (b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

        (c) I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but Today I will not show it.

    7. Just for To-day, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible,  talk low, act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit  nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

    8. Just for Today, I will have a Programme. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests, Hurry and Indecision.

    9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

    10. Just for Today, I will be Unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be Happy, to enjoy what is Beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love love me.

                                                           (Written by Dr. George Crane in 1921)

    If I said I ever mastered this list I would be lying

    It still provides a checklist of how I want to live and look at life.

    I suspect I'm not the only person who feels this way. As a Christian, I recognized it echoed Psalm 118:24:

    This is the day that the Lord has made;

    let us rejoice and be glad in it. 

    At any age, any stage of life, we start with rejoicing and deciding to be glad for the blessing of each day. If we add in Dr. Crane's principles, one by one, our tomorrows can't help being happier.

    Working on it, too,

    Lenore  

  • When you look into a mirror who looks back at you?

    image from external-content.duckduckgo.comIs it you as you really are or is it the person you think you should be?

    This may seem a silly question, especially since it's a given that every one of us keeps growing and changing all through our lives–until one considers how many people rate their self-worth on the number of "likes" they get on social media. It's as if one's value as a person depends on what other people think of that individual. 

    By this logic, someone I never met–and likely never will–gets to tell me if I'm acceptable or not and whether my opinion is valid.

    At the very least, isn't this un-American? 

    And if that's how we choose to live, doesn't it mean we hand over control of who we are and what we think to other people? To strangers?

    With so many opinions floating around in our heads do we even know who we are?

    Years ago–in the midst of my adolescent flailing around to find myself–my mom passed on this familiar quote from Shakespeare. She also briefly noted this truth offers a solid standard to live by: 

    This above all: to thine own self be true,

    And it must follow, as the night the day,

    Thou canst not then be false to any man.

    Even then I heard the inner click that signaled I needed to hang onto this truth.

    Over time I realized my need for this to be true was as much a part of me as the color of my eyes. It explained why I could be troubled about some little cruelty among classmates or about suffering in a far-off country I could barely pronounce. Other kids my age just shrugged and said something like, "Aw, who cares? What does it matter to me?"

    (As you might guess, this temperament quality never earned me the title "Miss Popularity.")

    When I came to know myself better I realized the people I admired most were those who seemed to share this same need to be authentic.  

    When my husband and I met I sensed an inner honesty in him early on. Over a lifetime I found that to be always true. Yes, we disagreed sometimes, as all couples do, but each of us learned to respect the other's right to hold a different, well thought-out opinion. I knew I could trust him to be honest with me and he knew he never had to wonder if I were being truthful with him.

    This mutual acceptance helped each of us feel more secure with ourselves and who we were. It also tremendously strengthened our marriage relationship.

    United we stood

    As parents we tried to anticipate what would be coming next and talk it through so we would be prepared for what came next. Our girls soon learned it was pointless to try to play one parent against the other to wangle permission for something we hadn't discussed.  Our standard reply would be, "Sorry, but your dad (or mom) and I need to talk it over first."

    This didn't stop our four lively, ever-changing daughters from trying. Or mounting campaigns complete with informing us that "all the other kids" already had their parents' okay.  

    We would listen patiently as they pleaded their case and then often say what they didn't want to hear: "Sorry, Hon, but we can't say Yes. We love you very much, but that wouldn't be for your best and that's what we're here for." 

    They still wailed (not wanting to appear too easy) but their pouts didn't last long.  

    Did they appreciate at the time that we were trying to be good parents? Not hardly. 

    Muddling through life

    Isn't that what most of us do? None of us knows the precise path that lies ahead of us, so I'm guessing we do the best we can and try to do what's right.

    I'm a Christian and I've learned that life is not about what know, nor how good I am. How can I be sure? This may sound way too simple, but I trace it back to a simple faith song I learned as a young child. The song begins like this:

       Jesus loves me, This I know, For the Bible tells me so.

    These simple truths of faith have been for me like a solid railing that's in place beside a slippery path so all I have to do is grab hold and hang on tight as I walk.

    Want something solid to hang onto for yourself?

    Here's a trio of truths to start with:

    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.   John 3:16 

    (Note the "whoever." This promise is for everyone. Everywhere.)

    I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye on you.   Psalm 32:8

    For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

    Once I got it straight in my mind that I am a child of God and He loves me, any uncertainty about figuring out who I was gradually cleared up and life got easier. Although I never got that Miss Popularity crown, it's okay. I know who I am.

    I wish the same for you, dear reader,

    Lenore 

  • "And they lived happily ever after…"

    That's what everyone is looking for, isn't it?

    Blog. Couple talking. 6.23Somehow the sound of that phrase causes us to think there's a kind of magic that settles like morning dew upon the woman and man who fall in love and promise to love each other for life. Surely this means life will be bliss, day after day.

    Doesn't it?   

    Well, not quite. Not for two human beings, imperfect as we all are. Besides, no one is happy, happy, happy without fail, 24/7.

    What is true is that like every other living thing, even the best marriage takes T.L.C. Regularly. That is, both marriage partners nurture and look out for each other.

    For life.

    "Love," by itself, is not enough

    I'm not a professional, but a lot of Christian counselors tell us there is a secret to growing a strong marriage and it's pretty clear-cut. Here's the formula:

    We before You

    You before Me.

    We:  What nurtures and strengthens our marriage comes first, before either partner's personal desires. 

    You: Each of us places the other's needs and wants ahead of having it our way. (If that sounds belittling, think how sweet life could be if both partners lived this way.)

    Me:  What I want, what I need to be happy, the way I want things to be ranks last. 

    The problem is that on the inside we're all two-year olds yelling, "I want it my way!" 

    Never think this means personal needs and wants don't matter. The question is, what matters most right now? And what helps build strength into our marriage relationship?

    Once you have clear answers to those questions, you know how to weigh your choices. 

    Don't be threatened when one or the other's expectations seem to change a bit here and there over time. It's not just young children who have "stages".

    What matters is that your sense of oneness stays alive–and grows stronger. 

    Keep first things first

    When both husband and wife aim to live this out they send each other a secret message: "I love you. You and what you need from our marriage comes first with me." 

    All this echoes Philippians 2:4:

    Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

    Real life calls for give-and-take. Inevitably, some days it will be all about one and other days it will be all about the other. 

    That's life. For everyone.  

    Add in new joys and challenges

    Children bring blessings with them, but they interrupt time together for Mom and Dad. This calls for ingenuity to make sure you stay connected as a couple.

    Why bother? Because the two of you nurturing your relationship is good for your children, too.

    Whether you realize it or not, your darlings are watching how you interact with each other. They smile and feel all warm inside when they see Dad pat Mom on the butt, or notice how Mommy gives Daddy that "special smile." 

    Your strong marriage gives your kids a sense of security. They feel reassured they don't need to worry, even if their best friend's parents just split up.    

    As you two give each other the gift of love you also give your children the gift of inner stability.

    How can a couple keep love alive?

    Make it a habit to find your own way to snatch some time for the two of you every day, like after work. Be prepared, perhaps by keeping a special snack drawer and healthy veggies in the fridge. Hungry youngsters well may consider this time a treat if you allow them to watch special programs or the like. 

    This frees up a bit of time when Mom and Dad adjourn to a quiet corner–even in the same room–where you can reconnect and talk with fewer interruptions. 

    Be creative. It's all about finding what works for you.

    First, last and always, talk. Talk. Talk. And listen.

    Speak words of love, too

    Just hearing the words sincerely spoken helps turn attention off ourselves and back to building strength into the marriage. When one or the other has had "one of those days," it will lift both your spirits as you gently mention qualities you see in them and truly admire.  

    Many counselors advise couples to hold hands, which means facing each other eye-to-eye–even when you are not in the mood. Even if it feels forced, just this skin-to-skin contact reminds you that underneath it all, you two are the same people who breathlessly promised to love each other forever.

    Day after day, each one's words matter and have a lasting effect on both.

    Years ago the poet Ogden Nash laid out his own catchy formula for husbands and wives who want to stay married:

    To keep your marriage brimming
    With love in the loving cup,
    Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
    Whenever you're right, shut up.

    Again and again we will fail

    But we keep trying. When we slip up, we forgive each other–and ourselves. That's way better than nursing hurt feelings and growing bitter. 

    It is achingly lonely to be stuck on a cold hill of injured pride.  

    Could it ever be too late to make a new beginning? Almost never, except when there's abuse.  

    Even if only one partner changes–and perseveres–the effect can be positive. Healing can begin, something to build on.

    A husband and wife who seek to live out these principles develop an enduring bond. Each one feels safe with the other. Trust grows and becomes a firm foundation. Love grows and blooms. 

    This translates into a marriage that lasts.

    Enduring wisdom to live by

    The Apostle Paul tells us how to live as Christians and it also describes how to keep a marriage strong. Here is Philippians 2:2-5, as it reads in the J.B. Phillips Paraphrase: 

    Live together in harmony, live together in love, as though you had only one mind and one spirit between you.

    Never act from motives of rivalry or personal vanity, but in humility think more of each other than you do of yourselves.

    None of you should think only of his own affairs, but should learn to see things from other people's point of view.

    Let Christ Jesus be your example as to what your attitude should be.

    Whether married or single, here's to living strong in Jesus! 

    May your heart be filled with His love and peace and joy,

    Lenore

  • Let's start with the ever-changing definition of dads 

    It wasn't so long ago that a man who treated his wife and kids well and brought home a regular paycheck would be admired. If he took an interest in his children, so much the better.

    Blog. Father reading to kids. 616

    Back then, maybe a father read to his kids and attended his children's ball games and school programs, maybe not. If he said, "Sorry, I'm just too tired from work," his family gave him no static.  

    Instead, Mom and the kids would be sympathetic. "Oh, poor Dad, you worked so hard all day. No wonder you're worn out."

    From earliest times a Christian wife felt doubly blessed if her husband loved Jesus and went to church with the family.

    He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.  Proverbs 14:26  NIV 

    Then and now

    Currently, not so many people agree with that approach. Today, most moms expect (or at least, hope) Dad will be on hand for kid things. After all, didn't they agree they would be equal partners in rearing their children?

    Life often blocks good intentions, leaving Mom (or Dad) to fly solo. The parent who feels stuck with filling in may say nothing, just paste on a tight smile and take over.  

    Next time this couple sees each other, tension may crackle the air. One says the other has not lived up to expectations and gets a response like, "Well, what about the time you … ?"  

    Most couples who've logged a few years of marriage learn a better way and likely would say something like this:  

    Give up trying to prove who's more "right." When one "wins," both of you lose.

    Who comes first?

    Early on, a wise older friend gave my husband and me good advice. "Don't get so much into your role as parents that you have nothing left between you once your children are wrapped up in their own lives."  

    Over time we better understood the strength of that tip. As our four children discovered they "needed" this or that and pleaded their cases with us, we two each needed an ally! Our kids discovered it was pointless to try to play one parent against the other.

    Standing together also reminded us we were a couple. A team. We loved our children with all our hearts, but it helped so much to know each of us marriage partners placed the other first. Being human, we slipped up occasionally, but in general we stuck to this principle except in emergencies.  

    Years later our adult children one by one told us our unity and stability reassured them–even when they railed against it. Why? Because it reassured them we planned to stay married.

    Your healthy marriage relationship builds lasting strength into your children.

    We're all cracked pots–and it's okay 

    Nobody's perfect. Years ago author Patsy Clairmont said our "cracks" allow the light of Jesus to shine through us.

    So in all our dealings but especially within our marriage and family, let's cut each other some slack. Let's show grace and be quick to forgive and accept each other as yes, imperfect people. And our sons and daughters, too.

    Count on it: Your love and mutual forgiveness in the nitty-gritty of daily life will benefit your kids all their lives. It's how we parents most effectively model for our children how Christians are to handle conflict and frustrations. 

    Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3  NIV

    Does the idea of Father's Day dredge up old hurts? 

    It's a sad fact that many adults still ache to hear their father say the words, "I love you."    

    For generations, men believed whatever they did to provide for their wife and children obviously demonstrated their love loud and clear. The old "Actions speak louder than words" applies here. Many men simply never learned how to express their love. How to say the words. 

    Where does this leave you if you're still hurting? Good news, healing is possible, no matter how many years have elapsed–or even if you ever hear those words spoken.  

    It means being willing to lay down our battered bundle of pain at the foot of the cross and leave it there. Over and over, if necessary, until finally, we can let it go. We can't heal if we insist on picking it up again.

    Jesus Christ fills our empty places with his love and makes us whole.

    All of life gets easier when we give up thinking what people should be

    Once we leave that judgment behind we can accept each other–and ourselves–as we are.

    Love enables us to forgive what's missing.  

    Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  1 Peter 4:8  NIV

    The Good News of the Gospel tells us we needn't generate this love on our own:

    Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  1 John 4:7  ESV

    God created only individuals

    No specific personality makes us a "good dad" or a "good mom." Neither does one parenting style or the other. It's all about living out love, healthy love that builds strength.

    Let's tune out the drone of talking heads and listen to the still, small voice living within us. Leading us. Guiding us. Enabling us.

    That voice is the Holy Spirit, Jesus living within our hearts, tenderly telling us, "Love one another as I have loved you."

    When that's our standard for parenting, no worries, even if money is tight and our life situations are challenging. In the minds of our children, Dad will be a "good dad" and Mom will be a "good mom," because they will remember the love that ruled our hearts and our home.

    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.  1 Corinthians 13:13  NIV

    Whatever our situation, let's resolve to rejoice! Even if. Even when. Even though. 

    Lenore

  • Most of us know at least one person who believes others get all the luck and they don't have much of a chance to be happy or successful. 

    Blog. Woman looking up. 4.19I think of my friend "Ellie," whom I've known for years. Whenever life disappoints her she says something like, "Well, that's the way it goes for me. It's that old black cloud that's been parked over my head since I was born."  

    Where she got that idea I don't know, but no one has been able to convince her she's wrong. 

    Ellie remains convinced she's unlucky. Therefore, everything turns out less well for her than for people around her. End of discussion.

    I've come to think she feels a perverse kind of satisfaction when she can say, "See there? I told you everything happens to me and nothing ever works out right!"  

    Maybe Ellie's mindset isn't far from from our own, just a little bit. Or even a lotta bit.

    Our outlook defines the "world" we live in

    Christians are not immune to this way of thinking. 

    Most of us would confess we've asked God at times, "Why?" "How?" "When will this be over?"

    Even as people who know and trust our Lord, it's still true that how we see determines what we see and yes, it often takes courage and strength to look on the bright side. 

    Maybe that's because it takes less energy to look down than up.  

    Negativity is rather like gravity. It exerts an invisible pull that drags us down. 

    Always, we get to choose

    A favorite pastor who always seemed to be looking up, not down, said the first thing he did every morning was say, "Thank you, Lord, for another day. This is the day You have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

    Next he took a few moments and ran through his reasons to thank God.  

    I knew him well enough to know he had his share of troubles and sorrows in his life, yet he deliberately turned his attention toward God's goodness and power.  

    That changes things, doesn't it?

    We can keep our eyes on ourselves–on our problems and our limited abilities–and panic.

    Or we can remind ourselves that as believers in Jesus, the Lord of heaven and earth is on our side, which shrinks our challenges down to their rightful size. 

    Christians, too, can hit one of those times when everything appears to us to be unsolvable and we're drifting toward hopelessness. That's the time to remind ourselves Who has the last word: 

    "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" Jeremiah 32:27  NIV

    Always, we find what we look for 

    Even in the worst times we still have a choice: We can fixate on what's wrong or we can remind ourselves what we know is right and good and true.  

    The Apostle Paul knew all about that. For years he traveled far and wide to tell people about Jesus and repeatedly experienced the worst kind of hardships, including beatings and imprisonments. Even then, he wrote to the Philippians:

    Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.  –Philippians 4:8  NIV

    In those few words Paul shows us how to shed our own "black cloud": 

    Always asking God's help, we resolve to day after day fasten our thoughts on what is good. When we do that, over time the darkness of everyday life will lose its pull on us. 

    It's our mindset that matters most

    Chuck Swindoll summed it up well: "We have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for the day. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Our attitude is everything."

    As always, the Bible stated this same truth centuries before Swindoll: 

    For as he thinks in his heart, so is he … .   –Proverbs 23:7  NKJV

    Perhaps you, too, know this and believe it, but still must keep relearning this truth again and again. (Me, too.) The good news is we can start over tomorrow. And the tomorrow after that every day of our lives. Today's failure is never final.

    As Swindoll said, it's all about how we react to what happens to us. (Or doesn't.) That leaves us with no one to blame, but isn't that a good thing? 

    Doesn't this mean we get to decide whether we will walk in sunshine or live under a "dark cloud"?  

    Let's head our daily checklist with these two questions to think about: 

    • What am I thinking in my heart?
    • How happy/contented/hopeful have I decided to be? 

    Only you (and I) can come up with answers for ourselves. Think of that as the ultimate power statement.

    Thankful for each new start,

    Lenore 

  • No matter who we are, whatever our age or life situation, the unpredictability of life can get us down. 

    Blog. Thoughful woman. 5.20The truth is that sometimes life is hard.

    That's true even for those of us who are Christians. I am and I trust God's many promises to be with us and to be our strength. Perhaps you do, too.

    When trouble comes knocking we cling to these Bible promises as a drowning person to a lifeline. We long to take God at his word and yet … sometimes we feel very alone and headed for disaster.

    Our desire is to be strong and immovable but we feel tossed around like driftwood.

    That's the time to turn to God's promises in the Bible. For example, one that's cherished by many believers is God's promise to the Israelites after they had been exiled in Babylon. It's from Jeremiah, Chapter 29:11 (NLT):

    "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." 

    To find our footing, grab onto these truths and refuse to let go

    Life often feels like too much to handle on our own. That's when it helps so much to share the load with our best Friend, Jesus, and turn over our fears and doubts to him. Prayer is nothing more than talking to him as we would to a friend we can trust.

    It's good to remind ourselves that all through life our attitude–our mindset–determines how we react and how we deal with whatever life hands out.

    It's exactly as the writer of Proverbs said in 23:7a:

    As he thinks in his heart, so is he.  –NKJV

    This verse applies to every one of us: As we think in our minds, so we are. When we truly absorb that into our minds and hearts it's not long before we become more aware of how consistently that principle works. 

    Is this easy to do? No. We first need to set aside our "logical thinking" and acquired theories and be ready to trust as simply as small children do. Only then will we be ready to put our hand into our loving Heavenly Father's hand and walk in faith.

    It's often helpful to make lists and write down what we know is true with a pen and paper. There's something about the act of writing our thoughts down on paper that helps us clarify patterns and shows us when we're chasing our tail rather than getting closer to finding answers.

    The bottom line: How we react to what comes can strengthen us in our struggles or ramp up our fears.  

    No one can take away our power to choose how we think

    That's been true from the beginning because God creates only one-of-a-kind human beings. No one else makes us think a certain way. That freedom belongs to each of us alone.

    Chuck Swindoll, well-known Christian pastor and writer, wrote a lot about attitude in one of his most-loved books, Strengthening Your Grip.

    Here are some quotes–and paraphrases–taken from that book:

    The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than the past. More important than education."

    More important than how much money we have–or don't have.

    More important than failures or successes.

    More important than what other people think or say or do.

    It is more important than our age or the state of our health.

    Attitude will make or break a company. A church. A marriage. A family.

    I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. 

    Every day we choose the outlook we will put on for the day

    Chuck's conclusions are true for you and me. Every day of our lives we choose our attitude and then our attitudes rule our lives.

    Our perspective on any situation rules how we think about it. 

    If you doubt that, consider a common "for instance" like this. Picture yourself dragging around and feeling depressed–and maybe not knowing why. Then comes an unexpected phone call, a text or an email that lifts your heart. In an instant your gloom and sadness turn into smiles.

    Often nothing has changed except the way we look at our life. 

    Putting it into practice day by day

    Over the years I've learned that what I say to myself just after I wake up makes a difference all day long. Those first thoughts set the tone for my waking hours. 

    During those waking-up moments I often take a mental inventory. I can say to myself, Oh, I wish I could stay in bed all day! I am not looking forward to the same old, same old of my life. I need a break! 

    Or I can think, This is the day the Lord has given me as a gift. I WILL rejoice and be glad in it! (Psalm 118:24)

    Thanking God for being able to breathe and walk and talk doesn't take away any aches or morning stiffness I might experience. What it does is shift my perspective just a little bit. It reminds me that every day of my life is God's gift and in Him I live and move and have my being. (Acts 17:28) 

    This slight twist to how I start off my day shifts my thoughts to a more positive track and makes the whole day better.  

    Moment-by-moment, we choose where we park our minds

    I don't know about you, but this is the lesson I seem to need to relearn, over and over.

    As I think in my heart, so I am–and so is my life.

    Here's to all of us being teachable. All. Our. Days.

    Lenore

  • If you're like me you probably read that title and thought, Yeah, sure. Easy for you to talk.  

    That's because we remember all too well the many times we shushed our children or lost control and started yelling.

    Blog. Mom. Son. Daughter. 5.16And that's just for starters. Our minds flood with memories of failing to be the kind of mother we once assumed we would be. Could be. Should be.

    Once we had very clear pictures in our minds, didn't we, of the "perfect family" we would have? We assumed if we really, really wanted to be good moms and really, really tried, all the rest would follow naturally.

    In no time at all we became wiser. 

    Let's be honest here: Being a mom is hard. (So is being a good dad.)

    Beforehand we thought, New babies are so adorable! Children are so enchanting!

    And they are. Before becoming parents we could not imagine we could ever run out of patience.

    Ever run out of love. 

    But we do, sometimes. Almost. Like before our newborn finally, finally, starts sleeping all night. Or when our older child pushes all our buttons.

    It is scary to admit how weak we are, even to ourselves. We pray for forgiveness, fearful God might punish us for even having such thoughts, however fleeting they may be.

    Immediately we resolve to do better. To be more patient, more joyful. To only smile, every moment. No matter what.

    Then in no time at all we fail again.  

    If you have been there–or are there now–put your feet up and relax. You're among friends, so let's turn the corner in minds and remind ourselves what we're about.  

    Recognize the influence you have

    Abraham Lincoln said, "All that I am or ever hope to be I owe to my angel mother." 

    Few of us expect to hear glowing tributes like that when our children reach adulthood, but certainly we want to help them grow as individuals and to strengthen the good qualities already implanted in them by their Creator. 

    That's a noble goal, but how are we supposed to accomplish it?  

    By now one thing I know for sure is that every one of us can rest in the assurance that we and our children are a perfect match for each other.

    Think about it. God creates each child and He places us together because we are exactly right for each other–even on our worst days.

    Parenting, you see, is a growing proposition. Our children grow up while we grow and stretch in understanding and as individuals.

    Our task is to show love and speak love and ask God to enable us and guide us. Every moment of every day and every night.

    The simple prayer of a mom or dad who longs to rear their children rightly touches the heart of God, even if all they can manage is, "Help me, Lord!"

    Trust me, you won't sprout angel wings

    You will disappoint yourself, over and over, but God is faithful, so just ask. Little by little you'll find your love and patience somehow expand. 

    You'll develop courage, too, so you can stick to your family standards without apology, simply because you know they are right for your children and your family.

    Where do you start? Here: 

    "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has not one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends."  –John 15:12-13  ESV

    That covers it all. Every day.

    Is it easy? No

    In so many ways moms and dads continually lay down their lives every day.

    Children take over our lives. They take up what we used to call "free time." Occupy our thoughts, continually. Consume family income. And on and on.

    Yet most parents would not trade even one child for all the gold in Dubai.

    When we pray, God will enable us to live out love more selflessly. This transforms our days from the daily grind to the daily gladness.

    Don't get me wrong. I did not cheer at the constant cooking and laundry and all the rest. I'm not sure anyone ever has.

    But when we do what we do flows out of love, every day becomes worthwhile  That includes the day you have kids barfing upstairs and a puppy with the runs downstairs and then the dishwasher dies.

    You stay because your purpose is more lasting than the quickie pleasure of escaping to Starbucks.

    Now about those seeds of greatness … 

    President Lincoln grew up in a log cabin. He had none of what we label "advantages," except the one that matters most: He was loved and he knew it.

    Jeff Oppenheimer, author, wrote a novel about Lincoln and his stepmother, That Nation Might Live. He put it this way:

  • Have you ever realized you walked blind and deaf through the day you just lived?

    Blog. Little girl w. grasshopper in jar. 7.15I have.  

    Times I listen, but do not hear and look, but do not see.  

    If you asked me I would reply, "Oh sure, of course I see the people and I know there is beauty all around me."

    But that's a ho-hum response, isn't it?

    Yes, I make it through the routines of the day, but here's the problem: My heart isn't in it.

    This happens most often when I feel overwhelmed by some knotty issue I have to work through. Or some not-very-important choice between one thing and another and I can't make up my mind.

    Whatever the reason, life feels full of stress and even though I know it makes no sense, I can't find calm.

    Ever been there?   

    Proven ways to recover sight and sound–and joy in living

    I learned a long time ago that at least for me, positive thinking and power affirmations are not enough. Mindfulness and meditation are trendy, but their power doesn't last long. Only some form of a strategy like this wakes up my senses and gets me back on track.

    • Realize the root cause almost always traces back to getting too wrapped up in myself and what I can do on my own. That usually follows a spell of neglecting to regularly spend time in the "Manufacturer's Handbook," aka, the Bible. 
          Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.  Psalm 119:105
       
    • Remember who's really in charge of the future.
         For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   Jeremiah 29:11   

    • Remind myself Jesus walks with me through each day–and night.
          "… And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”  Matthew 28:20   

    • Recount God's blessings, past and present. Often.
          From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.  John            1:16   
    • Recall his promises. Daily.
         “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28

    • Relax because I know who He is and I know who I am in Jesus. 
          "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that     bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”   John 15:5   
    • Rejoice in the peace he gives.
          "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to      you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”  John 14:27 

    •  Revel in the magnificence of it all, including the world all around me.
          Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.  Psalm     136:1 
       

          
      And God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good.   Genesis 1:31 
       
        
        “Be still and know that I am God.
       Psalm 46:10  

    This last verse is a good place to park my mind because it lays out the order of things.   

    Recalling what’s true resets our perspective

    It's as if we look at our life and our world from another angle and it opens our eyes and ears. As Grandma used to say, we “get our heads on straight.”

    Don't expect instant breakthroughs or sudden insights that solve problems. Most of the time the people around us stay the same and our lives look the same from the outside.

    Rather, this is an inside job. We see more clearly the wonder and the joy of living that God showers on us every single day. 

    And that, my friends, makes all the difference.

    Here’s to living life–fully,

    Lenore