Category: Love

February can be risky territory, especially for husbands

Especially for my husband, because this is the month in which we were married. So he has two opportunities to fall flat.

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the ads that run this time of year, all touting, "Show your love how much you care!"

All a guy has to do, say the advertisers, is buy what they're peddling. Flowers, diamonds, chocolate-dipped strawberries, sexy lingerie, even footed all-in-one pajamas. (Can Chia Hearts be far behind?)

It's advertising hype, pure and simple, and I know it. But I'm a romantic–isn't that part of being female?–so I fantasize.

Over the years I wasted too many "Big Days" in February because my sweet husband, being a guy, didn't show up with something. He'd say, "Oh, Honey, I forgot. I'm sorry!" And he was.

I'd mouth the words, "That's okay," and paste on a phony smile, telling myself to grow up.

Enter The Big Chill. Poor me thinking. Frequent sighs. You know the drill.

Years of living together taught me a greater truth

My perspective changed. Now I know:

Any Valentine's Day, anniversary or birthday is less important than the other 364 days of the year.

What matters most is how love plays out day-after-day.

Love eats his bride's latest kitchen experiment and pronounces the strange-looking mixture, "Delicious."

Love holds his extremely pregnant wife while she wails, "I'm huge! And I can't get any shoes on except flip-flops!" Love replies, "I think you've never been more beautiful, Sweetheart."

Love says, "I'll take care of the kids over the weekend. You go to that getaway with your friends. We'll be just fine."

Love says, "No, no, no. You're the one who deserves a new coat. Mine's good for another winter."

Love puts the coffee on because he knows she needs a cup to get going in the morning.

Love thinks his receding hairline is "sexy" and love handles are comfy.

Love overlooks her stretch marks and mastectomy scars and her tendency to lose track of time.

Love sees the girl he married even when she walks stooped-over and with a cane.

Love sees her sweetheart, even when he sometimes can't remember her name.

And vice versa.

I've learned–sometimes the hard way–that mutual loving kindness and consideration nourish a marriage, just as regular feeding and watering help a rosebush bloom and thrive.

Let's rejoice in what is

Today I know what matters most to me is the enduring love between my husband and me. I count that more precious than all the diamonds in South African mines.

When it comes to special days like Valentine's Day and anniversaries, let's not miss an amazing, humbling point:

You and I hold the power to make every day a special day for the one we love–and ourselves.

Maybe that sounds too simplistic, but it's true.

So let's Keep It Simple, Sweeties!

An anytime checklist

Many of us are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, which often is spoken at weddings.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs … It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails … And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (vv. 4-8, 13 NIV)

Think of these verses as a sort of plumb line to live by. Can we do that, day after day? No, because we're sinners, unable to live perfect lives.

But know this: When we make that our aim, love and joy will grow, right where we are. Guaranteed.

Still learning, too,

Lenore

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February 1, 2017
Some of us think we must not have what it takes to be involved in the "Big Things" of life.

We seem to end up doing all the stuff other people don't want to do.

It's not that we mind doing it so much, it's the one constant that nags at us and drags us down:

No one seems to notice.

We're the ones who wash the dishes and pots after church suppers, then gather up the bundle of used dish towels, etc., and take them home. Of course we bring them back clean–bleached, if necessary–and folded.

No one seems to notice.

At home, with or without a paying job, we're on call to do the endless good things needed to keep our kids growing in the right direction and our home and family strong. We do it all with love and it's what we want to do. Still . . .

No one seems to notice.

It would be great if we were selfless and those around us spoke their appreciation, at least every now and then. That often doesn't happen.

Demanding perfection of ourselves–or others–is a waste

It's well to remind ourselves that we are, by definition, human and therefore, imperfect. (Isn't that why we need a Savior?)

But it's no surprise that at least once in awhile we'll think, I am really tired of being taken for granted.

Or perhaps we just sigh and think, at least I came through. Again.

I'm not perfect, but at least I was faithful. Lord, make me content with that. Thank you for strength to keep going.

As Christians, you and I know every day is a gift from God. The strength we need to live our lives is a gift, not a given.

If we forget that, we have only ourselves to depend on.

We can't know how God will use our small efforts

If you're a longtime reader, you'll know I like focusing on inspiring people. Let's look again at how God used some ordinary people.

Edward Kimball had no particular talent, but he decided to do what he could with love and with faith. He started a Sunday school class just for teenage boys in a poor Boston neighborhood.

A 19-year old shoe clerk, Dwight L. Moody, attended and came to faith in Jesus. Later, Moody established a successful shoe business in Chicago.

D. L. Moody, though poorly educated, started a Sunday school class and attendance grew to 1500 each week. Then Moody began to preach the Gospel and huge crowds turned out to hear him.

When Moody preached in Great Britain a pastor, F. B. Meyer, attended and went home a changed man. His new view of faith led him to alter his preaching style. Soon crowds began coming to hear him.

Eventually Meyer came to the U. S. to preach and another pastor, J. Wilbur Chapman, went to hear him. Chapman became an evangelist, going from city to city.

Soon he needed an assistant and hired a young baseball player: Billy Sunday. Billy Sunday became an evangelist. In 1894 he held a prayer meeting in North Carolina.

Mordecai Ham attended and came to faith, then resolved to reach people for Jesus. He began preaching the Gospel throughout the rural areas of North Carolina.

A 16-year old farm boy came to hear him: Billy Graham. You know the rest of the story.

You and I cannot know how God will use us in the lives of others

I think of Bill, whom I knew since I was growing up in the Midwest. After retirement he and his wife moved to the small city near their farm.

As he had throughout his life Bill took on small tasks. Pulling weeds on the church lawn. Sweeping up after events. Volunteering at a historical site to mow the grounds.

At his memorial service a number of younger people told how every Sunday after church Bill talked and laughed with them, then slipped each kid a stick of his favorite Blackjack gum.

One man spoke for many when he said, "The high point of every Sunday was talking with Bill. He always cheered me on and I knew he cared about me. I always chewed that stick of Blackjack, even though I didn't like it then and still don't. But it came from Bill and that was enough for me.

"I loved that simple, good man who loved me. I know now Bill kept me coming to church and kept me on track."

A stick of gum, you can't get much smaller than that

Day in, day out, this is what matters for eternity:

Our God-given call is to be faithful and to love. The rest is up to God.

Here's a lift for our tired hearts:

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people…   —Ephesians 6:7 (NIV)

[Jesus said] "If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones… "                                                 –Luke 16:0 NIV

Speaking to others about Jesus the best way we know how. Offering a child a stick of gum and a listening ear. Cleaning up pots and pans and doing laundry. Little things by themselves, every one of them.

But who knows what God will do with your "little things" and mine? Only God. And that is enough.

Strength and joy to you, my friend, day after day.

Learning, too,

Lenore
For those times you feel no one notices what you do: Take heart!

October 19, 2016
Here's a question to ponder: Are you "all in" in your marriage?

That is, where do you rank your marriage relationship in your value system?

Some wives and husbands are consumed–and fed–by their jobs.

For couples with children, either one or both may place their children's needs before everything–and everyone–else.

Still others concentrate on their personal growth and interests such as music or sports or physical fitness. That's what fills them up as individuals.

It's easy to assume the relationship between wife and husband kind of takes care of itself

As one husband said, "Well, we're married for Pete's sake. Isn't that enough of a statement?"

A wife said, "We don't have much one-on-one time anymore, but someday we will. He loves me and I love him and well, it's restful to just relax and not try so hard."

Always, the danger is that one or both spouses may feel a nagging sense something is lacking in their marriage.

Can a marriage grow strong on leftovers of time and energy?

A green plant stuck in a dark corner and watered "whenever" may cling to life, but it will be a pitiful, spindly thing. Something like that happens to a marriage relationship left on its own to wait until everyone and everything else is taken care of.

Like any living thing, a marriage needs care and tending if it's to thrive instead of wither.

Here's the good news. What nurtures the marriage also feeds and buoys up the marriage partners.

If this sounds like a win-win situation, it is.

I need a turnaround. Where do I start?

Before you do anything else, pray for fresh eyes to see, a teachable spirit and courage to change. Trust me, you'll need all three.

It's tempting to first identify all the ways your spouse needs to change, but that's a waste of time. The only person you or I can change is the one that looks back at us from our mirrors.

Try making a list of what's right instead. Use your smart phone, your computer, or plain old paper and ballpoint pen.

Whatever means you choose, hang onto this list.

Now start writing. Don't quit until you've written down ten or more qualities or habits you truly value in your wife or husband. Read it out loud to yourself.

Keep your list handy

Reread your list every day. Add to it as you spot additional pluses–and you will, now that you're looking for what's good.

One more thing–and this may be the most important–don't keep it to yourself. Compliment your husband or wife and be specific, even if it feels unnatural at first.

Pay attention to how your mood changes over time and how your spouse reacts. Is there a new warmth between you?

As this becomes your habitual way of relating to each other, you won't want to give it up.

Modeling for the next generation

Today most kids interact with peers whose parents have split. Often they fear their mom and dad will be next.

Here's how to add to their security, big -time. Youngsters who know their parents love each other deeply and put each other first experience a deep-down sense of peace and stability.

You read that right: Parents who put each other first give their children a solid, stable base for life.

Every day such parents provide life lessons on how to live as Christian marriage partners. That's more powerful than any words.

Looking for reliable guidelines?

Here are some which have stood the test of time.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal . . . Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things . . . So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. –1 Corinthians 13:1, 4-7, 13 (ESV)

I never read those words without remembering the speaker who told us, "When you read those words, substitute your own name for the word 'love.'"

Ouch!

You know and I know not one of us can live up to that list perfectly, every day.

Nevertheless, it shows us what perfect love looks like. For me, at least, it helps guide me back to the way I want to love my husband.

Still growing,

Lenore

How to be happier in the marriage you’re in

September 21, 2016
Most of us have days now and then when we feel unlovable.

You know how it goes.

For example, take this morning. I complained (mildly) for maybe the thousandth time about a minor annoyance.

Then the darling guy I married a lifetime ago dared to utter one harmless, absolutely logical remark–and with a smile, yet.

"Well, maybe it's time to just get over it."

The Ice Age Cometh

Immediately I felt my personal ice curtain slithering down. I knew he spoke truth, but did that melt the ice? Uh-uh.

Maybe I can blame it on occasional chilly mealtimes when I was a kid.

When one of us was in trouble with you-know-who it got very quiet. All you heard was, "Please pass the butter," or "May I have the mashed potatoes?"

At the time I vowed I would never, never, never follow that example.

As an adult I've worked hard to stamp out what feels like a "natural" response. Most of the time I'm successful. But once in awhile I forget.

Amazingly, this patient man keeps on loving me–on good days and the other kind

I'm his wife and he's my husband. We spoke our wedding vows before God and family long ago, back when we were young and clueless–and we meant it. All through our marriage that pledge has carried us through life's inevitable down times.

We've clung to each other and to God and carried on, growing stronger and closer all the way.

My husband knows I love him. Period. I know he loves me. Period.

As for our four daughters and sons-in-love and our grandchildren, we love each one. Period.

Nothing they do–or don't do–will change that one tiny bit.

I think that's a small glimpse of how God feels about us

No matter how hard we try, no matter how many times we resolve to do better, sooner or later we fall short. And yet He loves us. All because of Jesus.

(Jesus said) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." –John 3:16-17

Jesus came to set us right with the Father. By faith we are his children.

Because I love and trust Jesus as my Savior, God forgives me, even when I slip up. Period.

(Jesus said) "He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." (John 14:21)

That's it. Nothing more is required. Just faith in Jesus

It's not complicated. Find a quiet place to talk with Him, that is, to pray.

Then pour out your heart, even all the stuff you really don't want to talk about. Ask His forgiveness for your failures. Leave that heavy bundle of past failings with Him and feel the weight lift from your shoulders.

Perhaps you're not sure God exists, let alone Jesus. Then tell Him. Ask Him to let you know in your heart and your spirit that He is real.

His love doesn't depend on whether you're "good enough" because Jesus died to pay for the sins of the world. It's a done deal. That's what He meant when He said on the cross, "It is finished." John 19:30

Know one thing for sure

You've heard the verse, God is love.

We can't compare our human love to God's love for us. That's like comparing the water in a toy teacup to the water in the Pacific. His love is a mystery beyond our comprehension.

I get a tiny hint of understanding on days like this, when I can't figure out how my husband goes on loving his imperfect wife.

I'm just thankful he does.

Blessings,

Lenore

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May 11, 2016
Nancy Reagan died recently at age 94 and for a brief moment, the media world celebrated the enduring love between a long-married couple.

I never considered myself a fan, particularly. But it always touched my heart that those two seemed genuinely in love–and let it show.

When she died I expected the usual recitations of her life as First Lady of both the U. S. and the state of California.

That's why the comments of celebrities and media people blew me away. It seemed every reporter and commentator praised Nancy Reagan, the wife.

How often do they honor any woman, dead or alive, simply because she was her husband's wife and did everything she could to help him?

It was almost Biblical. Remember Genesis 2:18?

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. (ESV)

By all accounts, Nancy was a helper "fit" for Ronald Reagan

Clearly, they were the light of each other's life. It showed every time they gazed at each other with "that look"–which was most of the time.

Once "that look" was ridiculed–and so was she.

Obviously, neither of them cared. They simply went on holding hands and smiling.

I'm old enough to remember when the press and Hollywood stars maligned Nancy Reagan for that look. Feminists called her a total blank because she defined her identity as "Ronnie's wife."

Many faulted her for not being a better role-model for young women. Some even called her a disgrace to women everywhere.

Those who thought more deeply said, "Feminism is all about women having choices, isn't it? Well, Nancy Reagan made her own choices and lived by them. What's to criticize?"

After she died, only praise

Morning TV shows, Internet news items and newspapers all over the USA reported on their lifelong love affair. They spoke of Nancy Reagan, the wife, who loved her husband and honored him all the days of her life.

Even after her "Ronnie" no longer wrote her frequent love notes or spoke his adoration because Alzheimer's stole the memories they once shared.

Even after he died in 2004 and moved on.

Several who spoke recalled her saying she never stopped missing him. Never stopped wanting to tell him something she'd just read–and then she would remember he wasn't there.

Family members and other speakers noted that now these two are together again–in Heaven.

Because Nancy Reagan was the widow of a President, her memorial service was telecast

She planned every detail of that service, which honored the love between this couple. What's more, it witnessed to the beauty and strength of believing in God.

Several sections of the Bible were read, including 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.

At first it seemed surprising that Proverbs 31:10-31 was read, but no. That day it seemed to me that Nancy Reagan, like so many of us wives, wanted the world to know this is how she tried to live:

An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life. . . .

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her . . .

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

–Proverbs 31:10-12; 28;30 (ESV)

Because of who she was, Nancy Reagan's memorial drew a huge audience

Televised clips were used on newscasts, here and abroad. Articles were written in publications around the world.

It was plain to see that many reporters, as well as the rich and the famous who attended, were moved by the service. Who knows how many watchers gained some new views on marriage and on faith?

To me, that memorial service was Nancy Reagan's most lasting legacy.

You may have been a fan or thought her a fool. Either way, I think we can all agree she made the most of her last moment of fame. That day countless people heard the Truth of Jesus and glimpsed the beauty in the love that builds a lasting marriage

And that's quite a lot for one lifetime.

Lovingly,

Lenore

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March 30, 2016
It's the season for talk of wiping slates clean and making new starts.

If you're like me, you remember too many new starts that fizzled out.

Too often I drag yesterday's worries into the New Year. Still, putting up new calendars all over the house feels like walking into the unknown. My pulse quickens.

New Year's always reminds me of a long-ago friend

We met "Haruki" at a gathering to welcome a visiting business group. This Japanese man spoke English fluently. That made it easy to talk and talk we did.

Our conversations continued after his visit in our area was over, although writing him felt a bit stilted. His letters were friendly, but more formal. I weighed each word, not wanting to offend by using an American term that didn't translate well.

Just before New Year's we received a long letter from Haruki. Never before had he revealed his inner feelings. Now they poured out.

His letter went something like this:

My dear friends,

I write this to you because I trust you. We have a custom to end the old year by facing our faults and leaving our troubles behind so we can start the new year with nothing weighing us down. This past year I failed grievously and I must confess to someone I know will not betray me.

It is embarrassing, but I must tell you. When I was in your city last summer I met up again with an old friend. Mindy. She traveled many miles to come to the seminar, as did I. Neither of us knew the other would be there.

I saw her blonde hair first, then I heard her soft drawl. My heart turned to water, just as the first time I saw her. She smiled at me, tears wetting her cheeks, too.

You see, fifteen years ago I was an exchange student at her college. We fell very much in love. I longed to marry Mindy. She took me to meet her parents and I asked permission to marry their only daughter. Those kindly people could see our love and they said yes.

Then I took courage to call my father and tell him I wanted to marry an American girl. His voice turned cold and stern. "No! I will not allow it! You must marry the young woman we chose for you. If you go ahead with this, you are no longer my son. You will be dead to me and your mother and your brother. Forever."

What was I to do? I was a good son, an honorable son. I could not disgrace my family. So I went home and married my father's choice for me. She is a good woman and we have two boys. I would not dishonor her or my sons.

But, oh, when I saw Mindy I felt weak with joy. I knew it was wrong, but we spent every moment together. Nights, too. I could not help myself. Mindy never forgot me, either, and has never married. We both suffered so much pain. Now we had another chance and it was as if I came alive again.

In the end I could not shame my wife or my sons. So at last Mindy and I said goodbye again, both of us crying as we did before. I went home to my empty life. I am doing my duty, but I still think of Mindy constantly.

I cannot speak of this to my wife, so I speak my guilt to you. Now that I have confessed, I will enter the New Year sadly, but with a clear conscience.

All we could do was pray for Haruki, then write to tell him about the Savior who paid for all our failures and sins once and for all on the cross.

Nice story, but what does that have to do with me?

Evaluating the past year is a good thing, no matter who we are or where we live. That alone can lighten our load of problems and relationship issues.

Confessing our wrong thoughts and actions to God and to the person(s) involved may free us from the millstone of guilt. Resolving interpersonal conflict may be as simple as a telephone call, writing a letter, or meeting someone for coffee at Starbucks and talking it over.

That might involve apologies and tamping down one's ego, letting the other person "win." This may taste bitter for awhile, but it seldom kills. Once we realize we're as flawed as the next person a lot of strain goes out of life.

Whatever it takes it's worth it, whether it's healing a rift or shedding our guilt at the cross. It's the way to nurture inner peace, any day of the year.

May you have a good year, my friend. Here's my prayer for you:

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all. –2 Thessalonians 3:16 ESV

With love,

Lenore

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December 30, 2015
I wish I could say I mailed off the last Christmas letter today.

Notice, "I wish I could say … "

Not yet.

I love Christmas cards and letters in any form at all. Hearing from friends and loved ones is one of my favorite things about Christmas.

Are they worth the effort?

I remember…

For many years of my life I lived in the Midwest, in the middle of farming country.

No computers or Internet back then and all telephones were land-line. Few people made long-distance calls that went over the 3-minute limit. Too expensive.

But then and now, country folks had R.F.D., Rural Free Delivery of the mail.

Rural mail carriers are tough. They drive long daily routes and deliver mail to every house along their appointed route, almost no matter what the weather.

No wonder our "mailman" was our hero

As a child I watched for ours with daily anticipation. After all, he might bring us something exciting from the outside world!

Like letters. Magazines. The daily newspaper.

Twice a year my hero brought big fat catalogs from Sears. And Montgomery Ward. And Spiegel.

In cold December he delivered patches of warm sunlight disguised as Christmas cards and letters.

Every day I saw and heard the worth of Christmas greetings. I watched my parents as they read every Christmas letter sometimes with laughter, sometimes with tears. Then one would ask the other, "Remember when … ?" and retell old stories.

As a little girl it seemed magical that people we hadn't seen for years at once felt close again.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17

Light in the winter darkness

As an Illinois farm wife I lived miles away from my family. Years later my husband I moved our family far from our Midwestern roots. After that came several job-related moves on the West Coast.

No matter.

Wherever we've lived, when we pick up our December mail and find Christmas cards and letters, I think exactly what I thought as a child: They haven't forgotten us. We still matter to them. This person loves me/us.

I love what C. S. Lewis said:

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

In a world that sometimes feels cold and impersonal, simple Christmas greetings bring warmth and joy

Both the frenzy of sending and the joy of receiving remind us again that people matter more than anything.

Just a simple note can bring joy. A line or two, perhaps, "Thinking of you and sending you love and blessings," is enough.

So I make no apologies. I crave that heart-to-heart communication across the miles, whether it arrives in a stamped envelope or as an E-mail.

And I'll bet you do, too. (Aren't we all the same under the skin?)

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. –John 15:12

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. –Luke 6:31

It's never too late to start again

With red face I admit if I were an airline I'd be out of business. This last year or so almost every greeting I've sent arrived late. It's time I reprogram my software.

So I'm gearing up to send good old hold-in-your-hand Christmas greetings to convey what's in my heart.

In an age of technology that sounds old-fashioned, but who knows? Maybe I'm on the cutting edge.

Sometimes they look a lot alike.

Question: How about you? Please, tell us how you communicate love and joy at Christmas.

Merry getting-ready-for-Christmas,

Lenore

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December 1, 2015
By now it's old news that the Fifty Shades of Grey books and the recently released movie are big hits.

So far the Fifty Shades books have sold over 100 million copies and first weekend movie audience broke records.

People who track such things say most book buyers were/are women and it's estimated 68% of that initial movie audience was female.

All I can say is, I don't get it.

A thumbnail sketch of the plot

I haven't read the books or seen the movie–and don't intend to–but probably everyone knows the general plot of this fiction: The handsome "hero" is named Christian and he was sexually abused as a teenager. Supposedly that accounts for his twisted views of sex. He vows he will always be the Dominant.

Christian spots a lovely 21-year old virgin-by-choice, Ana, and in effect, stalks her. She's attracted to him and a relationship develops. His obsession with sadomasochism turns her off, but she's convinced love will change him. She agrees to be his Submissive and to follow his orders . . . without complaint. He introduces her to "The Playroom." (She calls it "The Red Room of Pain"–and that's exactly what it is for her.)

Here's what puzzles me:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't women say they want their real men to be sensitive?

Think how many females are passionate about empowering women and equal rights for women.

Female employees across the land frequently complain male bosses and co-workers don't treat women with equal respect, even suing for sexual harassment.

Schools and workplaces insist on regular sensitivity training, especially for males.

What's the difference?

The self-centered Fifty Shades "hero" deliberately inflicts real pain on Ana and enjoys it. How is Christian different from the boyfriend or husband who beats up or sexually abuses "his" woman?

In Fifty Shades Ana knows her lover is sick, but over and over she compromises her values, believing her love will heal him in the end.

Abused women often say something like this: "I knew he needed help, but again and again I stayed because I thought eventually my love would change him."

Why is the Fifty Shades account considered "romantic" while the other is judged cruel and inhumane?

Three questions

Would that kind of relationship appeal to you?

Would you want it for your daughter(s)?

Would you call it "love?"

The close-to-home trap

Many would say, "Aw, those books and the movie, they're just entertainment. Just for fun. I would never take it seriously."

Are you sure?

Can you wall off the words and movie images in your mind so they have zero effect on your thinking about the sexual relationship between a man and a woman?

Are you sure words from the books and images from the movie will never flash into your mind when you and your husband have sex?

Fifty Shades is an empty substitute for love as it's meant to be

Our Christian understanding of love between man and woman never even hints at whips and chains, with a Dominant and a Submissive. Here's what Jesus said in John 15:12:

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."

In Ephesians 5:21, the Apostle Paul counseled mutual submission:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Love and the sexual relationship between husband and wife are meant to be rich and fulfilling, each one wanting the other's good.

The problem for moms and dads

"More is caught than taught" is still true.

Children learn the most when we think they're not looking. Or listening.

Whatever their ages, children don't miss a thing. They file away whatever they pick up, considering it reference material on how to live.

They do as we do–and value what we value–more than they do as we say.

Picture a mom telling her daughter she needs to value herself and insist on being treated with respect and telling her son to be sensitive and respectful toward women.

What are they to think when they hear their mom giggling and raving over Fifty Shades and the like with her girlfriends?

Which message will speak the louder?

Why should any of this matter to us?

The success of these books and the movie mean one thing: From now on, anything goes.

Fiction writers and producers and people that fund media projects need successes. The $$$ generated by Fifty Shades will affect everything we read and watch on a screen from now on.

What once might have been viewed as perverted will become "normal."

In overt or subtle ways, our society will be changed–and we Christians won't like it very much.

We live in the real world and our kids are growing up in it. All this makes it vital that we talk honestly with our children and grandchildren about healthy Christian sexuality. They need a clear understanding long before they're ready for sex. Otherwise, how can they tell the false from the true?

And who will tell them if we don't?

Lovingly,

Lenore

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Fifty shades of not very much

March 5, 2015
I don't know about you, but I'm longing for lazy time in the sun, looking out at a deep blue ocean, with palm trees and endless sun…

Some place like Acapulco, for instance.

I hadn't thought much about Acapulco before the January day I heard a convention speaker describe it in Chamber-of-Commerce terms.

All I knew about him was his name: Zig Ziglar.

Once he took the podium he spun some country stories, his southern accent coming through. the stories never stopped.

After awhile he looked out over his audience, smiling and with his eyes twinkling and asked:

"How many of you think you're overworked and too stressed to take time off to relax?"

Most of us in that large auditorium raised our hands.

"Well, how about a package deal that includes two round-trip plane tickets, plus vouchers for a week at a plush oceanside resort, all meals and tips included.

"Now, I know you're overworked and too stressed to take time off to relax . . . (He grinned and paused for what seemed a long time.) "But how many of you think you could be at the airport, checked in and ready to fly to Acapulco by 2 o'clock tomorrow afternoon? Raise your hands, please."

Laughter. Cheers. Everyone waving their raised hands.

Zig waited for us to quiet down

Then he said in a soft voice, "Well, if you could have been packed and ready to go to Acapulco by tomorrow at 2, why can't you manage to take a weekend off with your spouse or your whole family?

"I'll bet there's a nice motel with an indoor swimming pool not too far from where you live.

"The point is each of us somehow manages to do what we really think is important to do.

"And nothing is more important than your marriage and your family!

"Don't put the people you love last on your To Do list! When your personal life is happy you'll be more productive in every other area of your life–and less stressed, too."

Are you feeling stressed and overworked?

All of us wonder sometimes How will I make it through the day?

It's true for moms. And dads. For the married and the single. For old and young. For people who struggle from paycheck to paycheck and for those who don't.

Even if we're well-adjusted.

Even when we're happily married and love our children to pieces.

Even though we're strong Christians.

Sometimes, for no particular reason, life simply feels overwhelming.

Times like that we dream of escape–to Acapulco, or any place, really, where we can be calm and quiet, with time to think and no pressure.

But we stay

We stay because we love our spouse and our children.

We stay because we have something to do that matters.

We stay because we know deep down we're right where we need to be.

And because it's the way to peace in our hearts.

So we take a deep breath and ask God to renew our strength and our joy–and maybe our love.

And we remember again what the writer of Ecclesiastes said in chapter 4:6:

Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. –Ecclesiastes 4:6 (NIV)

Besides . . .

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. – Proverbs 15:13 (NIV)

Even in Acapulco.

Growing, too,

Lenore

Could you be packed and ready to fly to Acapulco tomorrow?

January 21, 2015
This week my husband and I celebrated another wedding anniversary.

We've been married since we were just kids, crazy in love and wanting only to be together. I'm delighted to report, we're still holding hands.

Our first daughter arrived two years later, followed by three more beautiful little girls.

(In case you feel sorry for my husband, don't bother. What guy doesn't like getting mobbed by adoring little girls every time he walks in the door? Still today they love him dearly.)

In the beginning we believed by blind faith we could count on each other. Now we know it by experience. We are, in truth, each other's best friend.

Did we ever struggle? Of course. Over the years we learned and grew, as individuals and as a couple.

The key to lifetime marriage

Every marriage is the union of two imperfect people because, well, that's all there is.

From the start we had an advantage. You see, we meant what we promised God and each other on our wedding day. Each of us married for life.

That's critical, I think. My best comparison is the difference between a career and a job.

Individuals intent on building careers swallow temporary frustrations and make allowances, refusing to be discouraged by setbacks. They focus on the future, rich with promise, and that keeps them going. Their motto is, "This is the career I want and I'll do what it takes to make it work."

People who say, "It's just a job," like to keep their options open. They say, "If the going gets rough, I can quit anytime I want. After all, this isn't the only job out there."

A checklist of basic truths we've learned

Throw away that mental list of your husband's shortcomings. Instead, concentrate on strengths. (Isn't that what you want from him?)

Remember that love thrives on respect. All of us more likely give respect when we feel respected.

Putting each other down–especially when others are present–quickly frays the fabric of love.

Always speak well of your husband to your children and in front of them. (Otherwise, why would they respect their father?)

More important than lipstick: Wear a happy face–and season your words with love. It lifts the spirits of the whole family.

Say "thank you" often and be generous with compliments. (Wives are not the only ones who appreciate being appreciated.)

Big lesson I learned: I do not "shrink" or lose face when I cherish my husband. Besides, when he feels loved and valued he's more ready to reciprocate.

Put your marriage relationship ahead of either one's personal rights. Make this your standard: "Is this good for our marriage?" (Isn't your marriage more important than a temporary "win?")

If you're not already of the same mind about believing in Jesus, consider a U-turn. Ask God to guide you. Check out Jesus-centered churches. When you share the same faith, you share common agreement on many issues that otherwise could be troublesome.

Three great Bible verses to live by

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. –Proverbs 12:18

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. –Ephesians 4:2-3

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. –1 Peter 4:8

Here's to treating our marriages as what they are: priceless treasures.

Take joy in today and tomorrow will be better, I promise.

Lenore

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