Category: Love

My sweetheart and I just marked another in a long string of wedding anniversaries.

Is he really perfect? Well, probably not. Am I? Certainly not. Have we grown and
changed? Absolutely.

I fell hard for this handsome young fella the first time he aimed a smile my way.

We married young and experts would have pronounced us doomed for divorce. They didn't know we meant it when we promised to be faithful and to stay married for life. Most of all, we knew God was on our side. As that favorite wedding text, Ecclesiastes 4:12 puts it:

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

So when we hit those inevitable rough spots, we prayed and clung to each other and worked it through.

"Until death do us part" ensures time to grow–and see more clearly

The darling I dreamed of would wow me with extravagant gestures of love. The darling I live with wows me with endless quiet deeds of love.

I knew life with the boy I loved would be easy, just because we would be together. Life with the man I love at times grew tense and chill descended, but we kept talking and worked it through.

The mate of my imagination would never be too busy to listen to my ramblings. The mate I live with always hears what's on my heart.

The lover of my romantic dreams would say memorable things like the movie hero who makes his lady swoon. The lover in my life has seen me at my worst–and still thinks I'm memorable, which makes me swoon.

The man I pictured making a life with would stand for truth and beauty and community-mindedness and of course, everyone would look up to him. The man I make a real life with quietly lives with faith in Jesus–and all the rest follows.

The one I dreamed of making a life with would come home with a happy heart and swing me off my feet. The one I make a life with comes home and stays home with a heart that's happy if I'm happy. He "swings me off my feet" with a smile.

The guy I married never cooked and considered housekeeping my domain. The sweetheart I live with now taught himself to cook and does housework because, he says, after so many years it's turnabout fair play.

The young man I fell for gave me butterflies with a smile or an arm around my waist. The always-young man I'm married to still gives me flutters with that certain smile or that certain hug.

Does all this sound impossible?

I promise you, it's not.

Trust me, we're very human and we made mistakes. We absolutely know God watched over us and blessed us every step of the way.

The point is, He will do the same for you. Just ask Him.

Then walk in faith. Pray. Love as wholeheartedly as you can. Watch your thoughts, because whatever you think about all the time can crowd out what's real.

In marriage as in life, keep your attention on what is, not on what's missing.

Will it be worth all the prayers and tears and struggles? Yes!

Wishing you joy,

Lenore
How to have a perfect husband

February 23, 2013
Want your marriage to last a lifetime?

Then forget all the articles and TV programs about what a marriage should be.

No two marriages are alike. How could they be, since no two humans are alike?

Besides, marriage relationships need time to grow, like plants and trees and every other living thing.

We don't start kindergarten and immediately know what we know by the time we've earned our Master's degree. We don't leave our wedding ceremony knowing our partner–or ourselves–as well as we will after years of marriage.

Concentrate on what matters most

As with building a house, it starts with laying the foundation. Builders plan and erect structures to withstand stresses of wind and weather. So they reinforce the foundation, the beams and the roof, all to ensure stability.

We need to do the same with our marriages.

Why not build your marriage on the Rock? My husband and I have been married for years. Each of us already was rooted in Christianity, so we just lived as a couple the same way we lived as singles.

We didn't know how blessed we were. Looking back, we see how our unity of faith strengthened our marriage bond. When we hit those inevitable rough spots we turned to the Lord, together or separately.

Never once did He let us down.

Who can say if we had it in us to stay committed without His strength and our mutual trust in God?

Cut each other some slack

Every one of us knows what we want and what would make us happy. When our marriage partner fails to live up to our ideal picture, we feel cheated. We sigh. We complain. It seldom occurs to us that we're fixated on his faults and blind to our own.

How much better for the marriage if we simply stick with the premise that each of us is doing the best we can.

For example, a frequent complaint of wives is, "We don't communicate!" or "I can't get him to talk to me!

You've done it. I've done it. Way too long into our marriage I understood it's wired into us females to be verbal. Talking makes us feel good. It's as if we don't know what we think until we talk it over with someone. It's as if we have to talk it over before we can make sense of our lives.

That's not how guys think.

There's a good book, fun to read, that lays this out clearly. It's entitled Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, by Bill & Pam Farrel. Their basic concept is that men are able to compartmentalize, to wall off one part of their lives from another and keep them separate. (Waffles.) For women, however, every part of their lives touches every other part. (Spaghetti.)

That concept, as silly as it sounds, can help us understand problem areas in our marriages. (Pam and Bill have appeared on Focus on the Family and have a resource-packed website: http://love.wise.com/index.php)

Wine that ages is more mellow and flavorful. Marriages, too.

Remember these beautiful lines from Robert Browning?

"Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'"

By now my husband and I know the truth of Browning's words. The "best years" truly are worth hanging on for!

Believe it, my friend.

Lovingly,

Lenore

Defy the odds! Know what makes for a good marriage

September 13, 2011
My husband and I will celebrate another wedding anniversary this week–and it's a big one. People always ask us the same question. "What's your secret?"

We have none, because every marriage is as individual as the people in it.

You might say we've been married forever, which is pretty much true. We met and fell in love–hard–when we were teenagers. Naive. Smitten. Burning with love. About 130 miles separated us, which, looking back, was a good thing. Without text messages, cell phones or Emails, we had to rely on occasional phone calls and writing letters for the two and one-half years we dated–and waited.

We married young, too young by today's standards, as did many of our friends. Like newlyweds everywhere, money was tight and we worked hard. But we were on top of the world, madly in love, and we were together. Living in the same house. Sleeping in the same bed. After two years we welcomed the first of our four children and graduated into parenthood. That stretched us to the max.

So we blundered through, praying hard, loving our kids and each other.

We understand now what we couldn't back then. Through it all each of us in our own way tried to live as if "we" was more important than "you."

There's a flip side to that equation. "You" are more important than "me."

Tough times? Sure, we had them. Often responsibilities like work and children crowded out time together. But we had promised to love each other and be faithful until death. During the hard times we hung on tight to each other and got through it.

It's not too much of a stretch to say that love is rather like the ocean. The tide comes in, the tide goes out.

Sometimes it feels as if love has gone away and we're at low tide. That's not the time to bail out. If we wait awhile love comes back with as much power as ever, maybe more.

Storms may rage on the top and waves may crash. But way down in the depths all is calm.

Love is like that.

Marriage is like that.

We know only one way to maintain the calm, constant depths of a marriage relationship. That's to base it on faith in Christ. From the beginning my husband and I shared our faith in Jesus and we prayed for our marriage. We knew we had Help in times of stress. Our common beliefs also eliminated many of the usual sources of conflict.

I'm afraid it took us too long to understand the obvious. For years we each talked to God and read from the Bible on our own. Then we discovered the joy of reading Scripture and praying together. Now we start almost every day this way. To hear my husband thank God for me still touches my heart as nothing else can.

So here we are, my husband and I, still madly in love with each other and thankful God brought us together so long ago. We're ready to celebrate–celebrate!–another year of marriage and life. Behold, it is very good and better all the time. Honest.

May you be blessed,

Lenore

What makes love last over the years?

February 1, 2011
Rex Babin, cartoonist for the Sacramento Bee, perfectly captures the emotions felt by many of us during the amazing, God-blessed rescue of the Chilean miners.

I think it's because each of us could mentally step into the shoes of those waiting wives and family members. During the previous 69 days they shed gallons of anxious tears. Now their eyes brimmed with tears of joy and thanksgiving.

You and I have prayed for a loved one to be safe. We know what it's like to gaze into a beloved face we feared we might never see again. We know what it's like to long to hear the sound of someone's voice.

Perhaps some of those couples parted in anger that day. We have, too. We know what it's like to later wish we had said, "I love you, no matter what. I love you and I don't care what happened. I love you."

These joyful reunions remind us not to take each other for granted.

Last August 5th probably at least one or two of those Chilean wives waved from across the room or out the car window as their husbands went off to work. Another ordinary day like every other day. Ho-hum.

Except, of course, it wasn't.

We do that, too, don't we? After all, life is busy and we're in a rush. Family members have places to go and things to do. Kids go off to school. Nothing unusual about that. We'll see each other at the end of day.

Or maybe not.

Sure, mining is riskier than going off to the hardware store. But there's no escaping a shocking truth. We live with the same uncertainty as the miners who went down into the depths of earth.

Being alive is risky. Not one of us knows what any day will bring. None of us knows how many days we'll go on breathing.

So I propose we fix those Chilean reunion images in our minds and replay them often. Let them remind us to treasure our spouses and children and friends–and parents–while they're still with us. To understand that while they're not perfect, neither are we.

And let's be joyful in the moment we're living. One moment at a time is all we get and only God knows the number of our days. He wrote them in his book before we were born (Psalm 139:16.)

So with our perspectives freshly adjusted let's live out what we know. Each person we love who loves us back is a precious gift, not a given.

That's what we communicate when we say those three simple, wonderful words, "I love you."

And don't forget the hugs,

Lenore

Question for you: What story can you share with the rest of us? (Just click on "Comments" at the end and follow directions.)

Who needs to hear you say, “I love you,” today?

October 14, 2010
Maybe you're not like the rest of us. You and your husband always talk to each other and always not only listen, but also hear each other.

And maybe pigs fly.

For a lot of us, it goes something like this.

He:    "The boss handed out some pink slips today. I hear there will be more…"

She:   "My head's been pounding like crazy all day! I can't take much more of this."

He:    "We'd better start cutting corners. You never know what's coming next…"

She:  "Maybe I should see a doctor about these headaches… Mom had headaches first, before they found her brain tumor. Or maybe it's nothing…"

Does that ever happen at your house?

Most parents consider it typical that their children don't listen, especially teens. (Teens say the same thing about their parents.) Friends often disappoint us, too. We long for a listening ear and an encouraging word, but often they seem not to hear us. They're wrapped up in their own problems and can't wait to launch into telling us about them.

Okay, let's be honest. We're all that way, aren't we? We talk past each other–and call it conversation. We speak at each other, not to each other, then pride ourselves on our good communication skills.

In a nutshell, we talk past each other and call it conversation. What if we turned around and just…started listening, really listening? I ran across a couple of Bible verses that seem a fitting illustration–and a picture of what love looks like.

Love must be sincere…Rejoice with those who rejoice;

mourn with those who mourn.             —Romans 12:9, 15

========

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue

but with actions and in truth.               –1 John 3:18

Now, if you would please excuse me, I need to shut off this willful computer and go listen to my wonderful, longsuffering husband…

             Blessings,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed! Just click on the word "comments" below.





Ever thought how often husbands and wives don’t hear each other?

September 16, 2009
This feels like a season of milestones, doesn't it? One school year ends, and kids move up a grade. Young people put on caps and gowns and march solemnly, stepping in time to (what else?) "Pomp & Circumstance."

Life is full of milestones, although often we don't recognize them at the time.

Last night we did. My husband and I proudly watched one of our grandsons graduate from high school. On a beautiful June evening we sat in a stadium packed with joyful parents and exuberant family members and friends. Judging from the noise levels, excitement reigned. The general attitude seemed to be, "We/They made it!"

Twelve years of education and hard work lie behind these high school graduates. Twelve years of Mom and Dad doing what moms and dads do, keeping an eye on things, loving their child, holding it all together.

Watching that crowd of bright, talented young people brought a lump to my throat. The future stretches before them, filled with promise and opportunity they can't foresee.

Graduations, however, always feel a touch bittersweet. As one of last night's speakers put it, "Now our years together come to an end."

Yet the flip side of this "ending" also is a beginning.

What we call an ending often ushers in the beginning of something not yet seen and more wonderful than we can imagine.

I'm newly aware of that right now. I recently spent time with an old friend who's in Hospice care. Following surgery and treatment for a malignant brain tumor, she's unable to speak more than two or three words. Her eyes and her typically beautiful smile, however, speak volumes, so she still communicates.

When I think of her and her husband, who has adored her since she was a teenager, I ache with sadness for them. Not so long ago their future stretched ahead of them and they dreamed wonderful dreams together. Now they can only look into each other's eyes and hold each other's hands every chance they get, hungry to hang on, yearning to freeze time and capture the moment.

Yet peace shines from their eyes and radiates from their body language.

Before them lies an ending, you say. Not really, not for these two. They both believe in Jesus and have built their marriage and raised their children in Him. So they know they'll be together again. They believe one's last breath on earth is one's first breath in Heaven.

One day my friend will "graduate" from earth. Before her will stretch a beautiful world the rest of us can't see…yet.

We'll call it an "ending," but for her, it will be just the beginning. She'll be "movin' on up!" for real.

And we will rejoice through our tears, just as we did at that graduation last night.

Blessings,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed!

Of endings…and beginnings

June 10, 2009
Maybe that sounds like a silly analogy, but on the other hand…

Ever met a bride who didn't expect to live happily ever after? Me neither.

Ever met a wife–or husband, for that matter–whose life together consists of one blissful day after another? Me neither.

Or a new mom or dad who didn't expect that beautiful baby would smile and coo and love them every single day? Of course not.

Marriage and parenting change us. Like it or not, we're forced to stretch and grow. When we bring home a newborn, we quickly discover life never will go back to "normal." Because that totally helpless infant needs us, we set aside our own needs and care for our child. That becomes our new routine.

Call it the rock polisher of love and parenting.

Most married couples I've known describe themselves as complete opposites. Certainly that fits my husband and me. Yet here we are after many years, still married –and happy. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, but we hung in there through the downs and celebrated the ups.

By now we actually appreciate each other's personality traits, the same qualities that once frustrated us. We've discovered we're better and more effective together than either would be on our own. Now we know that we balance each other. (God, of course, knew all this from the beginning.)

We've learned. We've grown. Credit the daily rock polisher of love and marriage.

If you've ever been around a rock polisher, you know it makes a frightful racket. Picture a rotating drum full of rocks hitting and crashing against each other and banging the sides. The continual noise goes on and on.

It takes as long as it takes and there's no other way. In the beginning all those rocks look rough and uninteresting. At the end they come out smooth and polished. Now we can see their depth and remarkable colors. Some are revealed to be semi-precious. A few even turn out to be precious gems.

I can't think of a better analogy for marriage, can you?

So next time you hear some "crashing and banging" around your house, don't despair. Consider it part of love's smoothing and polishing process. As we live together in marriage, in a family, we smooth off each other's rough edges. (If you have no noise and conflict, don't worry. Love still accomplishes its purpose: change.)

By the way, it helps to remember what every rockhound knows. What looks like a dull, craggy rock in the beginning may, once it has tumbled awhile, turn out to be a gem of priceless worth.

Blessings,

Lenore

Question for you: Have you found this to be true in your life? (Just go to the "Comments" box at the end and follow directions.)

Are you caught in the rock polisher of Love?

April 7, 2009
"We had such a wonderful life," the weeping husband told the counselor. "A good marriage, beautiful children, and we did everything right. At least, we thought we did. But now, now…What am I supposed to do now?"

The counselor, known by all to be warm and caring, listened awhile. His response sounds shocking at first. "What I hear you saying is that someone ruined your Camelot."

Remember Camelot? Flowers always bloomed and the sun always shone. Brave knights rescued every maiden in distress. Ladies in lovely gowns sipped tea and cakes, yet never had to boil or bake. Who wouldn't want to live in such a magical, mystical, mythical place?

Except we don't. We live in the real world, with real people.

More times than I want to admit, I forget that and set myself up for disappointment. Then like that weeping father, I grieve the loss of my dream and my self-image as much as anything.

Then what do we do? We love the sinner(s), as the counselor advised that dad to do, as God loves us. We take our pain to God, until finally we can leave it there.

Camelot would be a lovely place to visit, I suppose. But I wouldn't trade the joys and challenges of relating to real people.

How about you?

Blessings,

Lenore

Agree or disagree? Your comments welcomed! (Just click on the word, "Comments" in the small print at the end, then follow directions.)

Who ruined your Camelot?

April 3, 2009