Category: Mothering

Is our future determined by the color of our skin and by how we live? 

As racial and economic tensions boil over across our Nation, a lot of people urgently want to know. That makes it a good time to talk about one of my heroes, the late Sonya Carson.

If anyone ever had the right to say, "I never had a chance!" it's Sonya.

This photo shows her many years and a world away from how her life began.  

I heard Sonya's story when, years ago, my husband and I attended a convention with other career people. We sat in that large auditorium and for an hour, our featured speaker held us spellbound. No one moved or even coughed. He shared from his life and frequently told of ways his mother's faith and courage shaped his character.

He said something like this, "My mother always told us our life would be whatever we made of it because we were the captains of our ships, but also that God would give us strength to handle whatever came." 

In many ways hers is an unbelievable story–except, it's true

Sonya grew up one of 24 siblings in a very poor family in rural Tennessee.  She dropped out of school in third grade and apparently nobody paid much attention. Here's another shocker: Just a few years later, when Sonya was 13 years old, an older man wanted to marry her and no one intervened. 

The newlyweds moved to Detroit and after a couple of years Sonya bore two sons and lived a comfortable life. 

Then came the shocker. She learned her husband had another wife and family across town and frequently visited them.  

Sonya took her two sons, ages eight and ten, and moved to Boston to live with her sister. She divorced her husband and began her life as a single parent, well aware she had almost no education and no skills.

What to do?

Two years later Sonya and her boys moved back to Detroit, into substandard housing, all she could afford. Immediately she set out to do what she knew how to do: clean house for others. She promised herself–and her wealthy employers–that she would do the best job of cleaning they ever had.

To pay expenses Sonya regularly worked two and three jobs, leaving home before sunrise and often not returning until around 11 p.m. She clothed the three of them by patching and darning garments from Goodwill. Summer weekends found Sonya and the boys picking produce on shares with local growers so they'd have fresh food and she could can the excess. 

Every week the trio attended worship services and participated in the day's church activities.

These three were victims, right? Wrong!

When Sonya died in 2017, he wrote this in his obituary tribute:  

"If anyone had a reason to make excuses, it was her, but she absolutely refused to be a victim and would not permit us to develop the victim mentality either."

Of school and other challenges

The Carson boys did what their friends did after school, played outside, then watched TV. 

Sonya's younger son struggled. Classmates labeled him "Dummy" and jeered he was the dumbest kid in the world. Soon he believed it and brought home a report card full of Fs.

His mother would have none of it and told him, "Son, you have to work harder. You have to use that good brain God gave you. Do you understand me?"

She prayed. "Lord, if You can take nothing and make a world out of it, You can take my situation and make it work–for the boys' sake."

Before long she felt she knew exactly what to do.

Sonya sets new house rules 

First, homework must be completed right away after school. No exceptions.

Sonya observed her clients didn't spend much time watching television and instead, they read books. Now she told her sons they were allowed only two TV programs per week, chosen and agreed on in advance–and okayed by her. The rest of the time the TV would be turned off. Period.

Each week the boys must read two books they chose at their neighborhood public library and write a one-page report on each book, turning it in to her by week's end.

What's more, both boys must be in their apartment by 5 pm, with the door locked. "You don't open that door for anyone except me. With gang members picking fights out there, it's not safe. I love you both and I want you to live. 

"You are on your honor and I trust you because I believe in you. We live God's way and we keep our promises, so I know you won't disappoint me."

Reading brings results

The boys began hanging out at the library. One librarian took an interest and began pointing out books they might like. The younger son first read about animals and then developed an interest in rocks and science. 

Each week both boys handed their book reports to their mother. She read them with a red pencil in her hand and questioned them thoroughly. Her son laughed while telling us it took a couple years before the brothers realized their mother could barely read what they wrote.  

Before long "Dummy" began answering questions classroom questions correctly, even volunteering extra information. He finished the school year as one of the best students in class.

He told us only his mother was not surprised

"She always told us, 'If you can read, Honey, you can learn just about anything you want to know. The doors of the world are open to people who can read. And my boys are going to be successful in life, because they're going to be the best readers in the school."

Sonya never stopped believing in her sons. Or in God.  

Over and over she told them, "Learn to do your best and God will do the rest."

Sonya lived by that principle herself and indeed, no client ever wanted anyone else to clean their homes.

Their mother's words became their mindset, too

Curtis, Sonya's older son, became an engineer.

Benjamin, our convention speaker, earned a scholarship to Yale and eventually became a pediatric neurosurgeon, internationally known. He successfully separated a number of conjoined twins using his pioneering techniques and instructing other surgeons.

This former "F" student also became one who debated famous proponents of evolution and atheism and has written a number of books. 

In 2001, Ben was named one of 89 Library of Congress "living legends." If you look up the current list of books he wrote, they number 15. One of them was made into a movie by the same name, "Gifted Hands," which tells about his life and stars Cuba Gooding, Jr. 

You've probably figured out that her younger son is Ben Carson, who retired from medicine and now serves as the U.S. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (HUD).

As for Sonya, once her sons were grown, she took her own advice. She earned her GED and took college classes before becoming a successful interior decorator. 

Some would label Sonya's story unbelievable, a fluke  

The answer is this is a true story about real people.

People of faith understand that Sonya so clearly relied on God all along–and HE is the real hero of her story. 

The same God who gave her strength promises to guide us and strengthen us, too.  

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Isaiah 40:29 ESV

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.                                                           Philippians 4:13  NIV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6  NIV

Like Sonja, we can know God will hear us when we ask in faith. 

Trusting, too,

Lenore