Category: Positive outlook

That sounds impossible, doesn't it?

I used to think so, too. Then one day what I considered an inconvenience turned out to be pure blessing.

There I was, stuck in a line of shoppers waiting to check out at a local warehouse store. As usual, the place teemed with shoppers. Most of us were scowling and fidgety, checking our phones as we remained parked in line.

Not the petite older woman ahead of me. She seemed to have all the time in the world and looked around with a half-smile, as if she were slightly amused.

Finally she reached the checkout stand and the checker suppressed a yawn before saying, "Hello! Hope you're in the middle of a good day."

She smiled, then said, "Yes, of course I'm having a good day. I always have a good day."

"Really! How do you manage that?"

"Oh, it's easy. I decided a long time ago that I was done with having bad days. They're nothing more than a huge waste of time.

"I told myself that from then on I would have only good days–and I do, I really do. It took a little practice but now I refuse to get upset, no matter what happens."

The checker looked a bit flummoxed at that, but then said, "Um, that's great. You make it sound really simple."

"Well, I look at it this way: I'm the one in one in charge of my mind, nobody else."

As she put away her wallet and prepared to walk away she said, "I'm not handing that control over to anyone else."

She pointed upward

"Besides," she said, "I know who's watching over me, so I just figure one way or another, whatever happens HE will make everything work out okay."

By then all three of us were smiling.

The checker said, "Thanks, I needed that reminder today. When I get uptight I make myself take a few deep breaths. Then I shrug my shoulders a few times and try to relax."

As the little lady started to walk away, the checker said, "I like your way better. You decide beforehand your day will be good. I think I'll try that myself."

Our "teacher" flashed a parting smile and said, "You do that! Bet you'll be glad you did!"

I watched her while waiting for the checker to finish my order

She looked to be an oasis of serenity as she strolled through the crowd of hurrying people, many of them texting or talking on their phones while shushing their kids.

Her body language communicated that she possessed what I wanted for myself: A calm spirit. Inner peace. Smiles instead of frowns.

As I walked to my car I knew I would remember that encounter. My fellow shopper reminded me of what I had believed all my life, that yes, God is still in control and yes, I do have a will and and I choose how I look at life.

Before I even drove home I promised myself I would follow her example–and why couldn't I? She obviously drew her strength from the same Power Source I relied on, the One who never fails us.

I stuck with that resolution and began learning all over again to remember that each day is a gift from God. My call is to regard every day as a good day even before I began it.

She was right. I like this way much better, too.

Strength for the journey, especially on those "Who cares?" days

The Bible is filled with verses we can use as hand-holds whenever the climb feels too steep. Verses such as these:

This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Growth can take awhile

For me it often feels like a two steps forward, one step back process. I came to understand that's okay because I still move one step closer to my goal.

I have learned over time that my nameless friend spoke deep truth that day. It makes all the difference to decide beforehand that our day(s) will be good That simple move changes us, changes how we see ourselves and our life situation.

Inevitably, how we relate to the people around us changes, too–and that can bring the sweetest reward of all. Every day of every year.

Blessings to you and yours,

Lenore

Here’s the simple secret to having only good days

January 6, 2024
Most of us know at least one person who believes others get all the luck and they don't have much of a chance to be happy or successful.

I think of my friend "Ellie," whom I've known for years. Whenever life disappoints her she says something like, "Well, that's the way it goes for me. It's that old black cloud that's been parked over my head since I was born."

Where she got that idea I don't know, but no one has been able to convince her she's wrong.

Ellie remains convinced she's unlucky. Therefore, everything turns out less well for her than for people around her. End of discussion.

I've come to think she feels a perverse kind of satisfaction when she can say, "See there? I told you everything happens to me and nothing ever works out right!"

Maybe Ellie's mindset isn't far from from our own, just a little bit. Or even a lotta bit.

Our outlook defines the "world" we live in

Christians are not immune to this way of thinking.

Most of us would confess we've asked God at times, "Why?" "How?" "When will this be over?"

Even as people who know and trust our Lord, it's still true that how we see determines what we see and yes, it often takes courage and strength to look on the bright side.

Maybe that's because it takes less energy to look down than up.

Negativity is rather like gravity. It exerts an invisible pull that drags us down.

Always, we get to choose

A favorite pastor who always seemed to be looking up, not down, said the first thing he did every morning was say, "Thank you, Lord, for another day. This is the day You have made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Next he took a few moments and ran through his reasons to thank God.

I knew him well enough to know he had his share of troubles and sorrows in his life, yet he deliberately turned his attention toward God's goodness and power.

That changes things, doesn't it?

We can keep our eyes on ourselves–on our problems and our limited abilities–and panic.

Or we can remind ourselves that as believers in Jesus, the Lord of heaven and earth is on our side, which shrinks our challenges down to their rightful size.

Christians, too, can hit one of those times when everything appears to us to be unsolvable and we're drifting toward hopelessness. That's the time to remind ourselves Who has the last word:

"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" —Jeremiah 32:27 NIV

Always, we find what we look for

Even in the worst times we still have a choice: We can fixate on what's wrong or we can remind ourselves what we know is right and good and true.

The Apostle Paul knew all about that. For years he traveled far and wide to tell people about Jesus and repeatedly experienced the worst kind of hardships, including beatings and imprisonments. Even then, he wrote to the Philippians:

Finally, brothers [and sisters,] whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. –Philippians 4:8 NIV

In those few words Paul shows us how to shed our own "black cloud":

Always asking God's help, we resolve to day after day fasten our thoughts on what is good. When we do that, over time the darkness of everyday life will lose its pull on us.

It's our mindset that matters most

Chuck Swindoll summed it up well: "We have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for the day. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Our attitude is everything."

As always, the Bible stated this same truth centuries before Swindoll:

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he … . –Proverbs 23:7 NKJV

Perhaps you, too, know this and believe it, but still must keep relearning this truth again and again. (Me, too.) The good news is we can start over tomorrow. And the tomorrow after that every day of our lives. Today's failure is never final.

As Swindoll said, it's all about how we react to what happens to us. (Or doesn't.) That leaves us with no one to blame, but isn't that a good thing?

Doesn't this mean we get to decide whether we will walk in sunshine or live under a "dark cloud"?

Let's head our daily checklist with these two questions to think about:

What am I thinking in my heart?

How happy/contented/hopeful have I decided to be?

Only you (and I) can come up with answers for ourselves. Think of that as the ultimate power statement.

Thankful for each new start,

Lenore
Do you live under a dark cloud?

May 30, 2023
No matter who we are, whatever our age or life situation, the unpredictability of life can get us down.

The truth is that sometimes life is hard.

That's true even for those of us who are Christians. I am and I trust God's many promises to be with us and to be our strength. Perhaps you do, too.

When trouble comes knocking we cling to these Bible promises as a drowning person to a lifeline. We long to take God at his word and yet … sometimes we feel very alone and headed for disaster.

Our desire is to be strong and immovable but we feel tossed around like driftwood.

That's the time to turn to God's promises in the Bible. For example, one that's cherished by many believers is God's promise to the Israelites after they had been exiled in Babylon. It's from Jeremiah, Chapter 29:11 (NLT):

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

To find our footing, grab onto these truths and refuse to let go

Life often feels like too much to handle on our own. That's when it helps so much to share the load with our best Friend, Jesus, and turn over our fears and doubts to him. Prayer is nothing more than talking to him as we would to a friend we can trust.

It's good to remind ourselves that all through life our attitude–our mindset–determines how we react and how we deal with whatever life hands out.

It's exactly as the writer of Proverbs said in 23:7a:

As he thinks in his heart, so is he. –NKJV

This verse applies to every one of us: As we think in our minds, so we are. When we truly absorb that into our minds and hearts it's not long before we become more aware of how consistently that principle works.

Is this easy to do? No. We first need to set aside our "logical thinking" and acquired theories and be ready to trust as simply as small children do. Only then will we be ready to put our hand into our loving Heavenly Father's hand and walk in faith.

It's often helpful to make lists and write down what we know is true with a pen and paper. There's something about the act of writing our thoughts down on paper that helps us clarify patterns and shows us when we're chasing our tail rather than getting closer to finding answers.

The bottom line: How we react to what comes can strengthen us in our struggles or ramp up our fears.

No one can take away our power to choose how we think

That's been true from the beginning because God creates only one-of-a-kind human beings. No one else makes us think a certain way. That freedom belongs to each of us alone.

Chuck Swindoll, well-known Christian pastor and writer, wrote a lot about attitude in one of his most-loved books, Strengthening Your Grip.

Here are some quotes–and paraphrases–taken from that book:

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than the past. More important than education."

More important than how much money we have–or don't have.

More important than failures or successes.

More important than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than our age or the state of our health.

Attitude will make or break a company. A church. A marriage. A family.

I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it.

Every day we choose the outlook we will put on for the day

Chuck's conclusions are true for you and me. Every day of our lives we choose our attitude and then our attitudes rule our lives.

Our perspective on any situation rules how we think about it.

If you doubt that, consider a common "for instance" like this. Picture yourself dragging around and feeling depressed–and maybe not knowing why. Then comes an unexpected phone call, a text or an email that lifts your heart. In an instant your gloom and sadness turn into smiles.

Often nothing has changed except the way we look at our life.

Putting it into practice day by day

Over the years I've learned that what I say to myself just after I wake up makes a difference all day long. Those first thoughts set the tone for my waking hours.

During those waking-up moments I often take a mental inventory. I can say to myself, Oh, I wish I could stay in bed all day! I am not looking forward to the same old, same old of my life. I need a break!

Or I can think, This is the day the Lord has given me as a gift. I WILL rejoice and be glad in it! (Psalm 118:24)

Thanking God for being able to breathe and walk and talk doesn't take away any aches or morning stiffness I might experience. What it does is shift my perspective just a little bit. It reminds me that every day of my life is God's gift and in Him I live and move and have my being. (Acts 17:28)

This slight twist to how I start off my day shifts my thoughts to a more positive track and makes the whole day better.

Moment-by-moment, we choose where we park our minds

I don't know about you, but this is the lesson I seem to need to relearn, over and over.

As I think in my heart, so I am–and so is my life.

Here's to all of us being teachable. All. Our. Days.

Lenore

Is it time to do an attitude adjustment?

May 15, 2023
What do you need to give you a brighter outlook on life?

That's not a trick question, just something to consider. The answer may be closer than you think.

Sometimes we need eyes to see, said she who often failed to do that.

What did that lead to? Mostly a feeling of powerlessness. I let anything from a gray day to someone else's bad mood "make" me feel angry or turn my day sour.

Or when my sweet husband and I were on different tracks I might say, "You just don't understand me."

When our lovely but noisy children were being themselves too often I thought and sometimes said (yelled?) to them, "You're driving me crazy!"

Oh sure, I apologized. Profusely. Love covered over the moment and peace reigned again.

All the while I wished I had clamped my lips shut tight because my words caused pain in those I loved.

A random two-line quote opened my eyes

I don't know the source, but these simple words startled my thinking and spoke to my heart:

Two men looked out through prison bars. One saw the mud. The other saw stars.

At first I read that as a writer and thought, What eloquent writing! So much wisdom in so few words.

Before long the deeper meaning hit me in the gut. Every one of us, whatever our age or life situation, constantly makes choices. We–and we alone–decide that something or someone lifts us up or drags us down.

Turning that truth over in my mind made me cringe–and then pray. At long last (and about time!) I faced the fact: No one else makes me feel anything. Then and now my words and my moods are a do-it-yourself job.

What's more, whenever I tell myself that a situation or the words of another person "make" me mad, sad or depressed I surrender control over my emotions.

You might say that I put myself behind bars.

Can it be that simple?

Certainly it varies from person to person, but one thing is true for all of us:

Where we look and what we think colors every facet of our lives

Whether we see the best in life or the worst in life–and people–stems from where we fasten our attention and how we frame our thoughts. For example, do we believe (and say) that our marriage relationship is strong? Do we think (and say) that we have "good kids?" Do we customarily think that others treat us kindly?

Everything hinges on what we choose to see and how we choose to think. Will it be stars or mud?

Don't forget the sound track in your mind

We all have one and it plays continuously. Pay attention and be on the alert for echoes like these:

Why doesn't he … ?

Why won't she … ?

Why must he always … ?

Will she ever get it through her head that …

Take it from me, if that plays in our mind for long it spawns thoughts like these:

If he loved me he would …

If she cared she wouldn't …

He knows that drives me crazy!

She did that on purpose, like she always does …

This attitude spreads to how we view our jobs, our bosses and co-workers, our neighbors, our child's teachers and everyone else.

My grandmother would have said,

"You're thinking yourself into a tizzy. Thoughts like that never lead to anything good."

Fine, but how do we make a new start?

Just resolving to do so won't change us because our usual ways of thinking are as comfortable as an old pair of slippers.

In effect, we need to "rewrite our software," that is, lay down new habits and hardest of all, stick with them.

The place to start is with the Manufacturer's Handbook, the Bible. (If it's new to you, start with one of the Gospels, the first four books of the New Testament.) Reading the Bible and talking to God in prayer helps us grow strong from within and implants new background music in our minds.

Any time is a good time to open up with God in prayer, no special script required. It's just being honest with him about what's in your heart. Some people prefer a set time of day while many of us carry on a running conversation throughout the day.

Always, God hears us. Why? Because Jesus came to earth and set us right with God.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

Day to day

When we're changed from the inside out the way we talk and relate to the people in our lives changes, too. We naturally start looking for strengths instead of reasons to complain and our outlook on life gets sunnier.

Here's a Bible verse that lays it out plainly:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

One thing we know for sure: We find what we look for.

Let's make this the time in our lives when we latch onto more reasons to smile and be thankful for the life we are living.

I'm praying for you–and for myself, as well,

Lenore
How do you see your life?

January 5, 2023
If we conducted a poll it's a safe bet that a lot of people, all ages, believe the more money a person has, the happier they will be.

Hmm. If that were true, wouldn't all the "rich and famous" folks have perfect marriages and happy, well-adjusted children?

Every day the news reports give examples of how that is far from the truth.

Some counselors say it helps us keep on track to to ask ourselves every so often, "What do I value most? And how about my children?"

As always, it comes down to perspective

I couldn't help hearing parts of the conversation of two men in a waiting area. I still remember the main points of what they said. It went something like this.

They seemed comfortable with each other, one older man and one much younger. The younger man said, "Silvie and I met when we were full-time college students and working part-time jobs. She got her diploma a year ago and found a job that pays well, which was a godsend.

"When our daughter was born it seemed best for me to be a stay-at-home dad for awhile–and I'm loving it.

"Now I'm taking the rest of my college classes at night and online, so it will take me longer to get my degree. If you said we're broke you'd be right, but we're happy."

The older man laughed and said, "Hey, that's the way it's supposed to be when you're starting out, Kyle. How did you get so wise?"

Father knows best

Kyle took time to think, then said, "Well, a long time ago my dad gave me advice he guaranteed would help make for a happy marriage.

"He said my wife and I should always make sure we could get by on one income. That way if one of us couldn't work, we'd still have enough. Ellie and I talked about that and she said 'Okay, let's try it.'

"So that's what we're doing. We don't have a huge flat-screen TV, just the one my folks passed on when they upgraded to a bigger set. Our furniture is from Goodwill and hand-me-downs. We drive an old clunker and our cell phones are dinosaurs.

"But you know what? Neither of us would trade places with anybody. We're paying our bills and putting a few dollars into savings every month. We're working our plan and we're doing what matters to us. Our love is strong and we have each other and now, our healthy daughter too. Life is good."

As they got up to leave I heard the older man say, "You probably already know that your dad was a very wise man, my friend. And good for you, you know you are blessed. Not everyone does. "

Some of us can identify with that young dad

My husband and I married when we were very young and crazy in love. We were so happy to be together that nothing else mattered. For years we lived pretty much a no-frills lifestyle. I wouldn't say we "lived on love," but money was tight.

Who cared? We were together and life was good.

In those years we discovered what's been proven true over and over: Riches have nothing to do with money.

Earlier generations understood that

When I was a kid money was always tight, so my parents became experts in stretching it. I don't remember them complaining much. Nor do I recall them ever quoting wise words on being content, other than in family devotions. Then we might talk about Bible verses like 1 Timothy 6:8:

And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. NKJV

I didn't realize it then but Mom and Dad lived that verse most of the time. Their attitude seemed to be: "This the life God has given us, so let's make the most of it."

And they did, in simple ways. For example, one constant in my childhood was that no matter how often we moved, my dad planted seeds of blue morning glories in each yard. They twined gloriously up the clothesline poles. We always had all kinds of flowers along the yard fence, too.

My parents trusted God to provide and He did.

I wish I could say that I never complained, but I did, especially as a teenage girl. I wanted what "everyone else" had, knowing all the while that would never happen.

When I look back I know we were rich in what matters most

We kids knew for sure was that our mom and dad loved each other and they loved us–even though they seldom said the words. (Neither did any other parents of that era.)

We might not like what they said but we never doubted they were speaking truth, either to us or to others.

We never wondered whether one parent or the other would walk out on us.

As always, how we think makes all the difference

By now I've learned that life gets even better when we know we're blessed and remember to thank the Giver.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 118:1

With that firmly fixed in our minds, life will be good, no matter what our circumstances.

Always, true wealth is a matter of the heart. We just need to remind ourselves often of that truth–and be at peace.

Thanks be that God, the Giver of all things, has patience with his often-forgetful children. Like me.

Warmly,

Lenore

What’s your definition of having “enough” money?

September 1, 2022
If you sometimes feel lonely in a group of people, I'm right there with you.

During my growing-up years our family moved several times so I often was "the new kid" at school–and I hated it. Since my favorite things to do were reading a book or singing a song I didn't exactly attract a crowd of new friends.

Every single time I ached to fit in, to be noticed, to be known–and liked–just because I was me. If you're thinking that was all in my mind, you could be right. Still, I remember the sadness of so often feeling on the outside looking in.

It's been said that every human being wears an invisible sign that reads, "Please love me."

Isn't that what we all want?

Feeling accepted goes beyond winning a prize or promotion and speaks to our value as human beings–individuals worth knowing just because we're us.

Yet many of us feel no more distinctive than one fir tree in a thick forest of look-alike fir trees. If we took the time and studied that evergreen more closely we would discover that tree is unique in some way.

So are we.

Why do we so easily forget that?

God made us one-of-a-kind for a reason

Our individual temperaments and personalities, our natural talents and abilities distinctively flavor our family, our church, our school, our workplace, our community.

Perhaps we think what we add is insignificant, but it's not. Imagine trying to make a pumpkin pie without that "insignificant" quarter-teaspoon of cloves.

It's as if you are cloves, she is nutmeg and I am cinnamon. Leave out any one of those and your pumpkin pie will still be edible and might even look the same. But it won't taste the same.

That's how it is in families, in a church, in any gathering of old friends or on the job. Something is missing when this one or that one isn't present.

You and I may never be able to identify which "spice" we sprinkle into the mix. But if we tell ourselves, "Well, I'm nothing special," we deny the obvious.

No one else can be you and no one else can be me

No one else can replicate our individual presence or share the gift(s) within each one of us.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14

It helps to repeat this truth to ourselves however many times a day it takes until we believe it. And we need to plant that message deep within each child, whether our own or the one(s) we teach or care for.

Are we perfect? Of course not. We're only human, after all. A few of us may reach the heights, but most of us will go on day after day, simply being faithful in doing what's before us and showing up when someone is counting on us.

That's no small thing, in case you hadn't noticed. Ask anyone who longs for a friend or spouse they can count on, even when the going gets tough.

Instead of counting up what we lack, why not keep track of our pluses?

It's not bragging to simply recognize our strengths. Even better, keep a running list. Wind down your day by giving yourself a hand for the time(s) when you know you did something right. Or demonstrated strength in a trying situation. This simple step nourishes our inner selves, depleted by the day, and reminds us of our worth.

The logical next step is to thank God. First, for enabling us, but also for instilling within us what we needed to do what we did.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

"God's workmanship." That means even though some of us may feel–in our younger years or now–that we're a bit "odd," eventually we will begin to understand how the pieces fit together.

If you're having trouble identifying your particular "good works," here's a surprise

Think of those things you "just feel like doing." Or examine the choices you make in what you do every day, or your work or what you volunteer for because "it sounds interesting."

The late Frederick Buechner sheds some light on how we can figure out who we are:

Thus, when you wake up in the morning, called by God to be a self again, if you want to know who you are, watch your feet. Because where your feet take you, that is who you are.

For me at least, those two sentences help me clarify my thoughts and clear away confusion about where I belong.

It's okay for you to be you and me to be me

We are different, you and I, yet in our own way we each "stand out in the crowd."

Whether we've known it or not, what we do and where we are is no accident.

At the same time we can be excited, because who knows what God has lined up for us next?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

He knows. Knows the reasons why. Knows the where and knows the when. Each day becomes our personal "voyage of discovery."

Whatever lies ahead, He's got it all covered. Not to worry.

Why not choose to live each day at peace and with joy?

Lenore

Find your place in the crowd

January 13, 2022
Most of us know the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

When I first read those words on a gift shop plaque I didn't have to ask myself whether the saying was true.

All I had to do was remember. With regret.

As a young mom, some days I got up in a bad mood–and spread it around. On those mornings, Mama, the Martyr, would prepare a healthy breakfast for her family–and serve it without a word.

Mama didn't smile, so neither did anyone else.

Our otherwise bouncing, laughing young daughters would eat silently, then escape ASAP, whether to another room or to wait for the school bus. My sweet husband would gulp down his breakfast, then head for the door with a wave instead of grabbing me for a kiss as he usually did.

And I understood why.

Who could blame them?

Their moods affected me, too, of course. As in every family, our four kids sometimes couldn't stand each other, resulting in a tiresome refrain of, "Mommy, make her leave me alone!"

Do you think their whining lifted my spirits and made me a happy mama? Nope.

Over time I figured out some major truths:

Whatever the cause of my bad mood I didn't have the right to take it out on my husband and kids. Besides, that never changed anything for the better.

In any and every situation, our mindset determines how we feel–and how we act.

As Abraham Lincoln, the world-famous mental health professional, put it: "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Always, our words can lift each other up or tear each other down

That's true in parenting. True in a marriage. It's true on the job.

If our kids struggle they don't need our analysis of what's wrong. They need our love and encouragement and quiet listening.

When they slip up it's okay to gently stick to our family standards, along with talking over the whys of why we have them. Then comes the next lesson as we hand out appropriate penalties.

Allowing our children some freedom to make choices–and also allowing them to live with the consequences of their choices–can be painful, but it grows maturity and confidence.

They grow stronger from within.

What about teenagers?

Teenagers are on their bumpy way to adulthood. Yes, they need truth and common sense about how to handle life, but it's equally important that they hear us speak our faith and confidence in them as individuals.

It's good to help them learn life skills by letting them cope. (They'll make mistakes.) They crave words like, "I know you can handle this challenge, because I know how strong and determined you are. I believe in you and so does God and we always, always love you, no matter what."

Sometimes teens seem so self-assured we think we as parents are irrelevant.

Not true! Every survey of teenagers says they want their parents' respect and value their parents' opinions more than any of their peers.

When we speak love we give them what they need most. If we doubt that's true, all we have to do is ask ourselves what we want and need.

Widen the circle

Let's not stop there. Our kind words can lift the hearts of people around us, too.

Picture the mom whose kids are acting up in the Food Court at your local mall, the one who looks frazzled and beat. What if you stopped and said to her, "You have a beautiful family. I can see in your eyes how much you love your children."

What about the co-worker who seems depressed? What better opportunity to point out some instances when they helped you or someone else? Small kindnesses can make a difference in someone's day.

Or suppose you were chairing a women's event at your church. Someone spills punch all over the serving table. You keep smiling as you mop up the mess. Imagine if one woman told you, "Good job! I watched you calmly deal with the crisis moment and you really have a way with people."

Wouldn't you treasure her words?

Kind words are as sweet as cool water to parched lips–and they cost us nothing

If we put on eyes to see and mentally walk in someone else's shoes we'll know what they need to hear.

The big surprise is that we get back what we give out. If by our words and actions we give out love and kindness, that's what we'll receive in return. It's never too late to begin, even if it feels forced at the beginning.

This is not new theory. Solomon and the Apostle Paul wrote:

Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word lifts us up . . . Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.

  Proverbs 12:25 (The Message) and Ephesians 4:29 NIV

This is hardest to maintain within our marriages and families, because both are 24/7 and we have no place to hide.

When we blow it–and we will–we lay our failures at the cross of Jesus and begin again.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 ESV

How can we change from within? Where do we start?

And exactly how does that work? I know no better answer than this:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

When we trust in Jesus, we have a Helper who walks with us through every day and gives us strength to become the individuals who brighten the world we live in. Because our words lift up the people around us.

And isn't that who we want to be?

Blessings from one who learned to mind her mindset,

Lenore

You can change your world with your words

November 5, 2021
Too many of us think some people are born happy and some aren't

These folks think if you're a Grumpy Gus or a Gloomy Grace, well, that's that.

Sorry, that excuse doesn't work any more. Like so many other things we "knew," this one turns out not to be true.

This will sound too simple, I know, but studies show that all we have to do is start smiling.

Over the years several teams of researchers–at University of California-Berkeley, at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and a group of psychiatrists in Australia–have arrived at the same conclusion: Smiling is good for us.

Even when we don't start out in a particularly happy mood. Honest.

First we decide to smile and then form our mouths into a big smile. Researchers concluded just that simple action moves our brain activity "in the direction of spontaneous happiness."

That is to say, it's the act of smiling–with or without the mood to match–that influences our brain chemistry and brings feelings of pleasure and happiness.

There's more: Smiling improves our health

Even if we're having a miserable day and feel as if we're faking it.

Researchers say forming our lips into a smile–often–affects several functions of our mind and body in a positive way, including:

Our sense of well-being and our outlook on life

The strength of our immune system

Our blood pressure

Our self-control

Our ability to withstand stress

Even our balance

Smiling also releases endorphins (natural painkillers) and serotonin (a natural anti-depressant.)

Be sure you "smile right"

Way back in the 19th century a French physician, Dr. Duchenne, found the smile that counts is the kind that crinkles the corners of your eyes, which he labeled, "the authentic smile of happiness."

In 2001, UC-Berkeley researchers studied the expressions of a large number of women. They found half the women really smiled and they were the ones who were the ones who were more successful, more contented with their lives and more likely to be married.

Their study was replicated in 2006 by Australian psychiatrists, who reached the same conclusions. They discovered those who smiled only "a mouth smile," a.k.a., a social smile, may not reap the same health benefits.

What does all this mean for you and for me? Smiling–really smiling–is good for our mood and our minds and also good for our health. That's a lot of benefit for a small (and very achievable) effort.

That means we can learn to be happy

This is freedom, my friends! Not one of us is a "prisoner" of whatever temperament we were born with.

You and I are free to choose to:

Look for the good in people and in every situation

Smile, really smile, often

Read and watch on-screen what buoys us up

Steer clear of individuals who "look for the gloomy side of life"

Spend time with people who stress what's good and positive

Encourage others and get the lift that comes from seeing others smile

Sure, there may be people in our lives that don't exactly specialize in spreading joy. They may even be individuals we love and live with. What then?

Here's a place to start: Let go of the tension of trying to change anyone else. (It's not possible, anyway.)

Each of us is responsible only for our moods.

Laughing fosters health, too

Years ago Norman Cousins wrote a book, "Anatomy of an Illness." He had been diagnosed with a painful auto-immune disorder and doctors did not give him a good prognosis. After weeks in the hospital he finally checked himself out and into a nearby motel. Then he had family and friends bring him funny videos.

Over and over he watched "Abbott & Costello," "Candid Camera" and any number of television and movie comedies. He thought of them as his medicine–and they were. Norman Cousins found that after watching an hour or so of such programs–and laughing frequently–his pain went down and he could sleep.

What's more, Norman Cousins confounded his doctors by getting well.

Later, he lectured at medical schools, telling doctors of his experience and urging them to introduce their patients to humor instead of simply increasing their pain medications.

That wouldn't have surprised the writer of Psalms

You may remember that in Psalm 15:13, he wrote,

"A joyful heart is good medicine …. "

God gave David that truth centuries before Norman Cousins or any research on how smiling affects brain chemistry.

No surprise. Of course our Creator knew from the beginning that a joyful heart–and smiling–lifts our mood and improves our outlook on life.

A joyful heart naturally makes for happier relationships. Whatever our age. Whether married or single.

The Apostle Paul spelled it out for us

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.                                                                                    Philippians 4:8 ESV

Think about these things–and let the rest of it go.

The message is clear: No matter what mood we wake up in let's decide to smile.

Instead of being so quick to nitpick and pounce on what's wrong, let's look for what's good in our everyday lives. Let's learn to laugh at small things–and especially at ourselves.

Besides, who wouldn't rather have laugh lines than frown lines?

Learning, still,

Lenore
An easy way to raise your happiness level

October 20, 2021
Are you tired of the same old, same old and looking for a lift?

That feeling comes easy in times like this, when we're weary of uncertainty and warnings day after day and restrictions about this and that.

It's tempting to fixate on what's wrong with our lives. Or our spouse. Or our kids. Our jobs–or lack of same. The four walls we live in.

Right away we post those faults front-and-center on the bulletin boards of our minds and we check it frequently. This gives us a handy reference when we're looking for something or someone to blame for our down moods.

Any time we think of something new–and we will–we pencil it in at the bottom of the list.

It's way too easy to go down that track. Trust me, a person could get stuck in that groove on the road to nowhere.

Molehills grow into mountains in no time.

Stick with the better way

Instead of a gripe list, what if we looked for reasons to be thankful instead of reasons to complain?

Call it a Happiness List or maybe, a Blessings List. Or use a title such as, "What I love about about ____."

Start with the ones you love most. Write their name at the top of a plain sheet of paper and list at least ten good things. Don't look for something huge like "Leaps tall buildings."

It's okay to start with simple things of daily life like brushing one's teeth and throwing dirty socks in the hamper. If necessary, put on your rose-colored glasses. For example, if this one never praises the cook, do they gulp down their meals without complaint? Then write that down on your list. (Eating without comment is way better than eating with complaints, isn't it?)

Do the same for each child–whatever their age–and in-law kids, if you have them. Ditto for individuals in your life who seem a problem. Look past troublesome areas and focus on their good points.

This may feel artificial, but remember your goal: You want to replace stinkin' thinkin' with the good stuff.

Post your list(s) where you can't help seeing them. Read them at least once a day, sometimes out loud and always thoughtfully. Before long you'll find worthy qualities you overlooked before.

Once we start focusing on what's good, we'll find more. This can't help but work positive change in relationships.

Put on your wider focus

It's disturbingly easy to develop tunnel vision and get all wrapped up in ourselves and our wants and needs.

The hard fact is we may not know what our loved ones are feeling. Sometimes it's because we're married to someone who bottles up feelings. Or perhaps we spend our days apart from each other and simply don't know the challenges the others face and what they deal with.

It's likely the people we love don't know our deepest thoughts and concerns, either.

It's possible to feel like a stranger with one's husband or wife, or while surrounded by one's family.

That makes every day time to talk

Talk. Talk from the heart. That can feel awkward if it's not your everyday way of relating.

What's proven helpful for many is to do "Highs and Lows" each day.

Don't fret about the "how-to." What matters is that each one feels comfortable and accepted so sharing doesn't feel risky.

First off, make it a ground rule that each person is allowed to feel what they feel–without teasing or criticism. Then while everyone is together around the dinner table:

Each family member shares the high point of their day.

Next, each one relates what felt to them like a low point that day–while the others listen.

(Keep it to "I messages," as in, "This is how it feels to me.")

Wind up with each one speaking a blessing to the others.

The answers we hear may alter our outlook a little or a lot. A Canadian proverb says it well.

"Walk a mile in my moccasins to learn where they pinch."

Big changes often start with something small

By now you may be thinking this gesture is too minor and undramatic to make any difference. Au contraire, my friends.

Gazing at the world through the perspective of people we love helps draw us closer. We become less critical because we are more aware of how they think and feel–and they of us. As we better understand what they deal with our prayers become more real and in-touch.

By the way, this is never a one-time-for-always-and-done thing. Keeping a loving, positive outlook is a daily battle within our minds. And hearts.

By no coincidence that's where we're most likely to hit quicksand.

If we're stuck in the muck, we need help to climb out

I don't know about you, but I often stumble in my walk of faith. That's why I rejoice that changing my outlook is not all up to me. When we believe in Jesus as our Savior we can be strong, even when we feel weak. He is our Helper, remember?

Here are some Bible verses to help us as we grow:

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. —Psalm 51:10

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  –2 Corinthians 5:17

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  –Colossians 3:12-14

Our call is to start where we are and trust God to help us. As we stick with our new resolve and keep on nurturing our relationships with love, keep on growing in faith, we will change–and our happiness level will keep rising.

Learning, too,

Lenore
How to raise your happiness level right where you are

March 17, 2021
"What's your greatest strength? Your greatest weakness?"

That question stumps many of us, at least for awhile.

Professional counselors tell us that most personality traits have two sides, just as coins do.

But there's more to this truth:

Neither our strengths nor our weaknesses are all good or all bad.

I learned this first-hand when a good friend and I agreed to co-chair a women's event.

Everyone admired "Sue" for her faith, her cheerful attitude and her efficiency. (Okay, the truth is we envied her these strengths.) To the rest of us, this lovely woman "had it all together" in every area of her life.

Working with a saint

Sue and I were friends and I liked her a lot, but I secretly felt a bit intimidated and uncomfortable around her. She came as close as anyone I could think of to being a Proverbs 31 woman.

In short, Sue was everything I was not. Everything I wanted to be and kept resolving to be, but never quite achieved.

No wonder I so often viewed her as "right" and myself as "wrong."

Now we two Christian women were to work as a pair. Well, why not? We were adults and we might even be a perfect match, right?

Wrong. We drove each other slightly nuts

Sue wanted to nail down all details four months ahead of time. I considered that way too early and typically responded, “Don’t worry. It will all come together.”

I enjoy last-minute inspirations and the surprises that come when something “works out.”

Master planner Sue found that a foreign concept. She couldn't rest until her multiple lists had every single box checked. Only then could she feel confident the event would go without a hiccup.

After awhile I gave up trying to put her off and adapted to her style of planning. Before long we had planned every detail and lined up people for every task, with months to spare.

Sue's frown lines eased and so did mine. It felt good to have every minute of the event planned, so good I vowed–again–to mend my evil ways.

The great day arrives

We arrived early, both of us certain everything about the big day would go smoothly.

Enter Reality, a.k.a., the usual glitches that accompany any big event.

People who agreed to bring this or that arrived empty-handed. Others who were scheduled to handle various tasks never showed–and they hadn't called with an excuse.

To my great surprise, Sue could not adjust. She froze, except when she sputtered. It was as if she couldn't think how to function and deal with the moment.

I, the last-minute type, quickly came up with a Plan B and found substitutes for people who didn't show. I sent others to quickly purchase what was missing.

That day I simply did what needed to be done, as always, and no big deal. No one seemed to notice anything missing.

Breakthrough!

It sounds strange but that day became a gift to me. For as long as I could remember I had prayed to "be more organized," but never managed it for more than a week or two.

I previously viewed Sue as a sort of poster child for being in control and I admired her.

Now I saw the downside of her more orderly personality. She had to plan and had to stay on schedule or be flummoxed.

I'm the opposite, always ready to interrupt what I'm doing to listen and I'm quick to adapt. That's good, but being easily distracted gets in the way of finishing what I start.

Could my natural approach to life–which I labeled "disorganized" and saw as a weakness–be in its own way a strength?

Every personality type has both strengths and weaknesses

This truth pours balm on marriage and family relationships and can help defuse tensions on the job.

First we pray to see other people and ourselves as we are. That may take awhile, because growing always does.

Eventually we realize that it's okay for them and for us to be who we are.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. –Romans 15:7 NIV

Consider it one small step for peace with others–and with ourselves.

God makes us one-of-a-kind, remember?

As usual, the Apostle Paul gives us wise counsel.

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. … Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. … And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. –Romans 12:6 LNT; Colossians 3:12-14 NIV

Let's not settle for "live and let live." That's too shallow and we miss too much.

May we learn to appreciate the people in our lives and their individual strengths–and extend the same courtesy to ourselves.

Most of all let's rejoice that God made each of us. As we are. For a purpose.

Still learning,

Lenore

Discover your pluses

May 28, 2020