Tag: Moms

  • If you're like me you probably read that title and thought, Yeah, sure. Easy for you to talk.  

    That's because we remember all too well the many times we shushed our children or lost control and started yelling.

    Blog. Mom. Son. Daughter. 5.16And that's just for starters. Our minds flood with memories of failing to be the kind of mother we once assumed we would be. Could be. Should be.

    Once we had very clear pictures in our minds, didn't we, of the "perfect family" we would have? We assumed if we really, really wanted to be good moms and really, really tried, all the rest would follow naturally.

    In no time at all we became wiser. 

    Let's be honest here: Being a mom is hard. (So is being a good dad.)

    Beforehand we thought, New babies are so adorable! Children are so enchanting!

    And they are. Before becoming parents we could not imagine we could ever run out of patience.

    Ever run out of love. 

    But we do, sometimes. Almost. Like before our newborn finally, finally, starts sleeping all night. Or when our older child pushes all our buttons.

    It is scary to admit how weak we are, even to ourselves. We pray for forgiveness, fearful God might punish us for even having such thoughts, however fleeting they may be.

    Immediately we resolve to do better. To be more patient, more joyful. To only smile, every moment. No matter what.

    Then in no time at all we fail again.  

    If you have been there–or are there now–put your feet up and relax. You're among friends, so let's turn the corner in minds and remind ourselves what we're about.  

    Recognize the influence you have

    Abraham Lincoln said, "All that I am or ever hope to be I owe to my angel mother." 

    Few of us expect to hear glowing tributes like that when our children reach adulthood, but certainly we want to help them grow as individuals and to strengthen the good qualities already implanted in them by their Creator. 

    That's a noble goal, but how are we supposed to accomplish it?  

    By now one thing I know for sure is that every one of us can rest in the assurance that we and our children are a perfect match for each other.

    Think about it. God creates each child and He places us together because we are exactly right for each other–even on our worst days.

    Parenting, you see, is a growing proposition. Our children grow up while we grow and stretch in understanding and as individuals.

    Our task is to show love and speak love and ask God to enable us and guide us. Every moment of every day and every night.

    The simple prayer of a mom or dad who longs to rear their children rightly touches the heart of God, even if all they can manage is, "Help me, Lord!"

    Trust me, you won't sprout angel wings

    You will disappoint yourself, over and over, but God is faithful, so just ask. Little by little you'll find your love and patience somehow expand. 

    You'll develop courage, too, so you can stick to your family standards without apology, simply because you know they are right for your children and your family.

    Where do you start? Here: 

    "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has not one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends."  –John 15:12-13  ESV

    That covers it all. Every day.

    Is it easy? No

    In so many ways moms and dads continually lay down their lives every day.

    Children take over our lives. They take up what we used to call "free time." Occupy our thoughts, continually. Consume family income. And on and on.

    Yet most parents would not trade even one child for all the gold in Dubai.

    When we pray, God will enable us to live out love more selflessly. This transforms our days from the daily grind to the daily gladness.

    Don't get me wrong. I did not cheer at the constant cooking and laundry and all the rest. I'm not sure anyone ever has.

    But when we do what we do flows out of love, every day becomes worthwhile  That includes the day you have kids barfing upstairs and a puppy with the runs downstairs and then the dishwasher dies.

    You stay because your purpose is more lasting than the quickie pleasure of escaping to Starbucks.

    Now about those seeds of greatness … 

    President Lincoln grew up in a log cabin. He had none of what we label "advantages," except the one that matters most: He was loved and he knew it.

    Jeff Oppenheimer, author, wrote a novel about Lincoln and his stepmother, That Nation Might Live. He put it this way:

    How Every Mom Can Plant Seeds of Greatness (Dads, Too!)

  • Every parent knows the tone of voice that goes along with that refrain.

    Blog. Bored boy. 7.14It's about as thrilling as fingernails dragging across a blackboard. What to do?

    Our quartet often gave moving performances that caused me either to stifle my laughter or–after awhile–wish for a quickie way to quiet the mob.

    I had none, so out of desperation more than anything, I came up with a standard reply. "You're bored? Oh, that's too bad. Here's what you'll need to clean the bathroom sink(s.) Go make it shine!"

    Or, "Here, this broom should be the right size for you to use as you sweep the porch and sidewalks."

    Or, "I just heard the clothes dryer signal that the towels are dry. Please take the towels out of the dryer and fold them."

    You get the idea. After a day or two of such suggestions nobody complained of being bored. 

    I also discovered it boosts incentive to hold out the carrot of a reward when the chores are done. A trip to the park or ice cream treats can prove magical. Or try a family trip to your public library because kids still love being able to choose "their" books or whatever to bring home with them. 

    Be sure they see you reading, too. Often.  

    Creativity shines with enough free time

    At our house we went for creativity more than toys and gadgets, so summer became a time when dreaming up concepts boomed. We always kept raw materials on hand like cardboard boxes of all sizes, assorted papers, crayons, colored pencils, markers, scraps of fabric, Mod Podge, glue, etc.

    Trips to craft and discount stores and also yard sales yielded interesting cords and ribbon, pretty gift papers, paints, glitter, wooden boxes and frames, etc. 

    Was it messy? Sure. After the first time I proclaimed that our kingdom had a new never-break-it rule. From then on NO doing anything until old newspapers or an old plastic tablecloth or something like that had been put down on the work surface. (Was I ready to help with this? You betcha.)

    All this costs almost nothing, but it's a great way for kids to experiment and have fun together.  

    Why bother, when cell phones and computers can keep kids occupied for hours?

    Technology may be everywhere, but human nature–and kid nature–hasn't changed that much.

    Creating still brings more satisfaction than consuming an endless stream of "stuff" on screens, some of it questionable. Besides, people still matter more than things. Don't your favorite family memories feature times when you did nothing much and just enjoyed being together?

    This requires free time, which may require planning.

    Scheduling each child for some activity every minute of every day eats up free time. Too much time watching TV, being on computers and cell phones does the same. We all need time to "just be."

    That's why limiting time on phones and computers and enforcing time limits are important.  (Yes, this inconveniences Mom and Dad, too, because as you no doubt discovered early on, we have to live what we preach or nobody pays attention to our words.)

    Note: This will not earn you the title of "Miss Popularity."

    Remember who you are

    God gave you these children and you are in charge.

    Yes, it's a lot of responsibility, but it's also a privilege. You're helping shape the way these young human beings develop and grow.

    Even if each child is a bona fide genius, you know better than they what counts most in getting them ready for life as well-rounded individuals. 

    As radical as it sounds in our times, research has shown that sometimes sports and various "enrichment" activities are not what each child in your family–or you, for that matter–needs most. They've been created one of a kind, remember?

    Give each family member–and yourself–a gift. Look for ways to nurture their individual talents and skills. 

    Maybe what each family member needs most is some unprogrammed time to let down. At any age, reading a book or lying under a tree just for the sake of looking up at the sky is not "wasted time."

    I promise you the world will not stop.

    Being unscheduled is not the same as being bored

    Summer offers a defined opportunity to try new things. Later you can decide what comes next. Or doesn't. Think of it as time to refuel and rediscover.

    Both your children and you may be surprised to find that in the midst of "nothing happening," a lot of personal growth occurred–and none of you were bored.

    For now, go with the rhythm of your days. Be quiet and rest. For right now, just be.

    Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.  Ecclesiastes 4:6  ESV

    In quietness and in trust shall be your strength.   Isaiah 30:15  ESV 

    Learning, too,

    Lenore

    One strategy to deal with the wail, “I am sooo bored!”

  • Most of us know the saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

    Blog. Smile. 11.21When I first read those words on a gift shop plaque I didn't have to ask myself whether the saying was true.

    All I had to do was remember. With regret.  

    As a young mom, some days I got up in a bad mood–and spread it around. On those mornings, Mama, the Martyr, would prepare a healthy breakfast for her family–and serve it without a word.  

    Mama didn't smile, so neither did anyone else.

    Our otherwise bouncing, laughing young daughters would eat silently, then escape ASAP, whether to another room or to wait for the school bus. My sweet husband would gulp down his breakfast, then head for the door with a wave instead of grabbing me for a kiss as he usually did.

    And I understood why.

    Who could blame them?  

    Their moods affected me, too, of course. As in every family, our four kids sometimes couldn't stand each other, resulting in a tiresome refrain of, "Mommy, make her leave me alone!" 

    Do you think their whining lifted my spirits and made me a happy mama? Nope. 

    Over time I figured out some major truths: 

    Whatever the cause of my bad mood I didn't have the right to take it out on my husband and kids. Besides, that never changed anything for the better.

    In any and every situation, our mindset determines how we feel–and how we act.

    As Abraham Lincoln, the world-famous mental health professional, put it: "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." 

    Always, our words can lift each other up or tear each other down 

    That's true in parenting. True in a marriage. It's true on the job.

    If our kids struggle they don't need our analysis of what's wrong. They need our love and encouragement and quiet listening.

    When they slip up it's okay to gently stick to our family standards, along with talking over the whys of why we have them. Then comes the next lesson as we hand out appropriate penalties. 

    Allowing our children some freedom to make choices–and also allowing them to live with the consequences of their choices–can be painful, but it grows maturity and confidence.

    They grow stronger from within.  

    What about teenagers?

    Teenagers are on their bumpy way to adulthood. Yes, they need truth and common sense about how to handle life, but it's equally important that they hear us speak our faith and confidence in them as individuals.   

    It's good to help them learn life skills by letting them cope. (They'll make mistakes.) They crave words like, "I know you can handle this challenge, because I know how strong and determined you are. I believe in you and so does God and we always, always love you, no matter what."

    Sometimes teens seem so self-assured we think we as parents are irrelevant.

    Not true! Every survey of teenagers says they want their parents' respect and value their parents' opinions more than any of their peers.

    When we speak love we give them what they need most. If we doubt that's true, all we have to do is ask ourselves what we want and need.

    Widen the circle

    Let's not stop there. Our kind words can lift the hearts of people around us, too.

    Picture the mom whose kids are acting up in the Food Court at your local mall, the one who looks frazzled and beat. What if you stopped and said to her, "You have a beautiful family. I can see in your eyes how much you love your children."  

    What about the co-worker who seems depressed? What better opportunity to point out some instances when they helped you or someone else? Small kindnesses can make a difference in someone's day.

    Or suppose you were chairing a women's event at your church. Someone spills punch all over the serving table. You keep smiling as you mop up the mess. Imagine if one woman told you, "Good job! I watched you calmly deal with the crisis moment and you really have a way with people."

    Wouldn't you treasure her words?

    Kind words are as sweet as cool water to parched lips–and they cost us nothing

    If we put on eyes to see and mentally walk in someone else's shoes we'll know what they need to hear.  

    The big surprise is that we get back what we give out. If by our words and actions we give out love and kindness, that's what we'll receive in return. It's never too late to begin, even if it feels forced at the beginning. 

    This is not new theory. Solomon and the Apostle Paul wrote: 

    Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word lifts us up . . . Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.

                    Proverbs 12:25 (The Message) and Ephesians 4:29  NIV

    This is hardest to maintain within our marriages and families, because both are 24/7 and we have no place to hide.

    When we blow it–and we will–we lay our failures at the cross of Jesus and begin again.

    There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.    Romans 8:1  ESV

    How can we change from within? Where do we start?

    And exactly how does that work? I know no better answer than this:

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he [or she] is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.    2 Corinthians 5:17   ESV

    When we trust in Jesus, we have a Helper who walks with us through every day and gives us strength to become the individuals who brighten the world we live in. Because our words lift up the people around us.

    And isn't that who we want to be?

    Blessings from one who learned to mind her mindset,

    Lenore 

    You can change your world with your words

  • A lot of moms tell me they wish they could go back and start again–if they could already be equipped with what they know now.  

    "Next time," they say, "I wouldn't get so uptight, always wondering if I was doing it right. I would be calmer, more patient. I would just enjoy every moment so much more!"

    Blog. Mom. 3 generations. 5.16 (2017_08_21 00_15_50 UTC)Can you identify with that feeling? I can. 

    I loved our four daughters with all my heart and sincerely tried to be a good mom. Later I understood that I tried so hard I made myself uptight.

    If I were starting over . . .

    First of all, I'd relax, knowing it's more important to get enough rest and stay cheerful than to be sure no dust bunnies hide in the corners.

    My To Do list would take second place to the joy of simply being there. Being present with the children God gave us and letting myself experience the joy more fully.

    Yes I know, that sounds kind of other-worldly.

    The truth is, there's nothing more real than taking joy in the moment in which you are living.  The joy of watching each child's personality come through. 

    Sometimes we parents ask ourselves, Who are these little people? That can't be clearly defined, since every person is a combination of all the family members who went before, not just their birth mother and father.

    It's a mystery and a joy–if we let it be.

    We moms get to be in on this unfolding. We get to care for and guide and influence these mystery beings who in one sense march to their own drummers and in another, march to whatever tune we pipe their way.

    That's a heavy responsibility. And an awesome privilege.

    We see the parts, not the whole of our children's lives

    We can't foresee how quickly our little ones will grow up, take control of their lives and make their own decisions. At first I imagined what our girls thought or did would be an extension of my husband and me and what they'd learned in our home.

    It wasn't long before I realized that each one was her own person. That showed even more clearly as they grew into the teenage years and became adults.

    I shouldn't have been surprised. Hadn't I always said God only creates one of a kind?  

    Being a mom is an exercise in giving

    Not one of us who's a mom comes out of it the same as we went in.

    And that's a good thing!

    Being a mom quickly throws ice water on any traces of a me-centered mode of living. Screaming babies who need to be nursed or have their diapers changed bring an urgency that supersedes our own needs. 

    Through all the years . . .

    We keep learning and growing, stretching to accommodate what sometimes strikes us as the "shocking ideas" of our kids and grandkids. Still, we want to be fair so we evaluate it. Often we find ourselves thinking, Hmmm. I never thought of it that way.

    That's a good thing. It keeps us from growing barnacles as we sit in our safe harbor of already knowing absolutely what we think about everything.

    God never meant us to stay stuck in our thinking. At any age He expects us to be growing, because only He knows what He would have us become over a lifetime.

    Whatever age your children or mine may be, however we may applaud or decry their lifestyles, only God can see the whole of their lives. And so we keep praying.

    Our kids bring out our best side

    Poet Roy Croft wrote a poem titled "Love." It's often used at weddings, but I think these lines express what many of us would say as we think about how rearing our children has changed us: 

    I love you,
    Not only for what you are,
    But for what I am
    When I am with you.
    I love you,
    Not only for what
    You have made of yourself,
    But for what
    You are making of me.
    I love you
    For the part of me
    That you bring out ...

    Being a mother changes us

    Our children grow and so do we. That's reason enough to thank God.

    None of us knows what tomorrow will bring. Don't let this Mother's Day pass without expressing your love to your mother while you can.

    From now on let it become your resolve to write your children and tell them what they mean to you and how proud you are to be their mom–not just on Mother's Day, but every day. You will bless their lives and also your own.

    Love never needs a special day as an excuse to be spoken. Or written. So any day of the year let your love flow freely. The more you give away, the more you get back. 

    And wouldn't each child, whatever their age, welcome a bit of extra encouragement and assurance from their mom? 

    Blessings and much joy to you,

    Lenore

    Being a mom: What I wish I had known

  • Most parents want their kids to sail through childhood and adolescence trouble-free, then grow up to be strong, right-thinking adults.

    Blog. Family sitting on rocks. 1.15But how can we do that?

    Forget checking Google for THE perfect formula for each individual child.

    There is no such thing.

    How could there be? The Bible tells us every human being is one-of-a-kind, fearfully and wonderfully made.

    That's why every parent with more than one child soon discovers what they learned with Child A isn't much help with Child B. 

    Besides, no one has discovered a way to spare our kids the pain of learning by experience. 

    What we can do is give them a solid start and help them find their own way.

    Everything rests on planting truths that endure 

    Whatever the ages of our children, we start now. With ourselves.  
    We make a conscious effort to live out the values we say we want them to have.
     
    If we talk it but don't live it, our words are just words.
    You see, every child comes equipped with the ability to spot hypocrisy and they're quick to point it out. Especially when Mom or Dad says say one thing but does another. 
     
    Most parents hear this often: "But you said . . . ."
     
    This is exhausting, but it carries a bonus. As we try to be good role-models we grow stronger from within.
     
    And so do our children. 
     
    Begin by thinking through what you believe as parents  
     
    Make a checklist of what your family stands for–or what you want your family to stand for: 
     
    Try these for starters:
    • Always tell the truth. (Nobody gets in trouble for being honest.)  
       
    • Be kind and thoughtful in what you say and do.
    • Be fair. Remember, other people have the same rights as you.
    • Respect those in authority. (Explain "authority.") 
    • Treat others the way you want them to treat you.

    Consider these to be foundation stones, a solid base to build a life on. 

    A quartet of Bible verses for backup

    [Jesus said] "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them."  —Luke 6:31  ESV  

    Even children are known by the way they act, whether their conduct is pure and right.  –Proverbs 20:11  NLT

    If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  –1 John 1:9  NIV

    I can do all things through him who strengthens me. –Philippians 4:13  ESV

    Empower your kids by helping them understand that everything is a choice

    Stress this core principle of living strong until it becomes theirs, too: 

    In every situation, we make a choice. If nothing else, we choose how we will react.

    That's a statement of personal power if ever there was one, useful even for younger kids.

    It can make a child or teenager feel less vulnerable. A youngster or teen who understands this is less likely to plead that someone makes them feel a certain way or makes them hang with a pal they know is headed the wrong way. 

    They will know they alone choose their actions and responses. 

    Take it one step further. Teach them every choice, wise or foolish, inevitably yields a consequence, good or bad.  

    Best of all, we know and pass on the reason(s) for right living

    It's natural for children and teens to consider their own moods and desires more important than anything else. They need a reference point outside personal feelings.

    Even young children can understand that as believers we want to reflect Jesus in how we live and treat others.

    Will we parents fall short? Of course.

    Will our children grow up perfect? Never.

    We're all human beings, remember?

    It helps to be involved in a strong church that teaches the Truth

    This provides a natural setting in which we can make friends who share our values. And so can our children and teens.

    There we get reminded that Jesus died to pay for our failures and that we're forgiven, a.k.a., grace. 

    We get pointed to Bible truths like 2 Corinthians 5:17:

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  

    Our children need to hear that as they grow and learn–and make mistakes. It's what we parents need, too, and for the same reason.

    The grace of forgiveness in Jesus enables us to keep going and to know we don't have to drag around our past mistakes any more.

    Could there be a better Truth to help our children make it through life?

    Still growing,

    Lenore

    How to teach your kids to make right choices

  • Dear Moms,

    Trust me: It's all worth it!

    You recognize the sweet moments of mothering for what thBlog. Mom cooking w. child. 7.11ey are.

    Here's what I know now that I missed when our children were growing up:

    The not-so-sweet moments are worth just as much. 

    From this vantage point I understand that every day is a "puzzle piece" in the whole of your life.

    Those "nothing days" add depth you can't recognize in the middle of making a life. The tiresome, mundane stuff you do every day just because you're a mom are necessary to complete the design.

    It's easy to lose sight of that in the middle of changing one more poopy diaper. Or mopping up spills on the floor you just cleaned. (Why can't it stay clean at least one day?) Or listening to another recital of, "Mommeee, look what he did to me!" followed by, "It's not my fault. She started it!"

    I confess that too often I forgot that the chaos was happy chaos and forgot to appreciate that my life was good and rich and full. 

    Maybe you do, too.

    Keep the Big Picture in Mind

    I know now that every day counts, even those days so pointless or frustrating you could scream. You are leaving tracks on your child's tomorrows, one tiny bit at a time.

    The old truth, "More is caught than taught," applies here.

    Mom love often looks like cleaning up and mopping up. Loving and praying for strength. Cooking and packing lunches. Throwing smelly clothes into the washer. Loving and praying for patience. Chauffeuring kids and cleaning up messes and loving. Praying to know what to do. Forgiving and forgetting. Loving. Praying. Falling into bed exhausted and starting over the next morning.

    Take a fresh look. See your life for what it is: a work-in-progress

    That's fitting, since your children, too, are a work-in-progress. 

    Every part of every day, they're growing.

    Whatever stage they're in, they are in the process of becoming.

    You are, too.

    So relax

    Let go of straining to "do it right." Forget keeping track of how many boxes you can check on the latest "Effective Parenting Techniques" list.

    Your kids are following you around, watching how you role-model dealing with everyday life. Every day they conduct their own comparison study on whether what you do matches what you say. 

    That's what they'll remember–and copy–as they live their lives.

    Please take that as encouragement. If you're loving your kids and forgiving them when they mess up and accepting them for who they are, that's what they'll remember.

    And you are not on your own. Just ask God to show you the way to love your family as they need to be loved and to give you strength for the day. You can trust Him to be faithful.

    So just love your kids and be yourself. It's okay not to be The Coolest Mom on the Block. 

    Take the Long View

    Will it all be good? Maybe not. You might travel through some rough patches or trying years. One child may be extra hard to handle or have special needs that don't go away. Another may develop big problems you hadn't noticed earlier. Your teenager or young adult child may disappoint you. Or worry you. Or drive you to your knees.

    Not one of us wants our children to struggle, but it doesn't mean God has walked away.

    From the struggle may come the strength, for them and for you.

    Remember, He's growing you, too.

    Where to turn when you feel overwhelmed

    Don't hang around in risky territory, such as thinking I can't take any more of this. You can get stuck in that quicksand.

    Take charge of your thoughts. (I promise it gets easier with practice.) 

    Focus your attention on the privilege of rearing the children you've been given. Even on your most trying days, remember this: 

    God gave you your children because you are just right for each other.

    Some days you may run on empty

    That's the time to put the good stuff in. Find some Bible verses that speak to your heart and fill your mind with them. I find it helps me to change my mindset if I repeat favorite Bible verses to myself.  

    Here's a favorite Bible verse you probably know. I underlined it in my Bible years ago and it still speaks to me when I'm feeling weary. 

    He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:29-31

    Dear friends and fellow moms, breathe in that strength that never runs out and hang on. You are right where you're supposed to be and every day counts.

    Take it from one who found it to be true: It's all worth it!

    Love from my heart to yours, 

    Lenore 

    A love note to moms, the real movers and shakers

  • This time of year most older high-schoolers–and their parents–are tied up in knots about what comes next. Blog. Graduation hat. 6.11

    Everyone wants to make the absolutely right choice.

    College graduates are tense, too, looking for the absolutely perfect job.

    That could be a long wait.

    Recent graduates often feel dumped out in a world that's nothing like the dream they bought with their student loans. Some resign themselves to any job they can get that includes a regular paycheck. Others keep chasing their ideal.

    Life is hard. How many of us tell our kids that beforehand?

    1. Tell your kids the truth

    One columnist noted that today's graduates grew up with parents who continually asked, "How does that make you feel, Honey?"

    No wonder the world of employment offers a rude shock. Bosses seldom ask, "How do you feel about that?"

    Employers want employees to show up on time, stay until quitting time and get the job done well and on schedule. They concentrate on the bottom line because unless their business turns a profit, there's no money to stay in business.

    Or issue paychecks.

    We do our kids no favor when we groom them to expect life should feel cozy and warm, like a mommy's hug.

    2. Be a true friend to your children

    A good friend speaks truth, even when we don't want to hear it. Our children deserve the same from us.

    Sooner or later, most of us learn the no-nonsense foundation for success along the way. In school, in the job world, or even in our personal lives, here's the formula:

    W-O-R-K.

    Sounds hopelessly outdated, doesn't it?

    That's especially true after hearing commencement speakers–and parents–who so often tell young people, "Follow your bliss! Live for your dreams! Refuse to settle for less than what makes you happy!"

    Then someone will bring up Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, who became a billionaire at age twenty-seven.

    Reality check: How many Mark Zuckerbergs do you know personally?

    3. Plant good seeds, so your kids can harvest good fruit

    Love your children enough to speak lasting truth. Even in a dream job, they will have to prove themselves.

    Most employees start at the bottom. It will be a slow climb from there.

    They will not like parts of it. Guaranteed. Life is hard, remember? This is what hard looks like.

    A runner talked of training for a track meet. "Runners know you must keep your eyes on your goal. If you waver and look down at the track your energy goes to what's under your feet and you'll lose the race."

    To build a strong career, marriage or family we can't allow small annoyances to get us down. We need to fasten on what's good and let the other stuff go.

    4. Nail it home that a good life does not depend on having every dream come true

    Give your children a lasting gift. Tell them nobody has everything they want or everything as they want it to be. 

    Help them understand that individuals who expect that or insist upon it set themselves up for lasting discontent.

    Wealth and achievements can never fill our inner emptiness because there will never be enough of either.

    Happiness and satisfaction stem from how we look at life and from thanking God for our blessings.

    A grateful spirit is a contented spirit.

    5. Remember to pass on eternal truths

    Be sure your children learn about Jesus Christ, our Savior. Worship together as a family and cultivate friendships with other Christian families.  

    Faith is the real key to a fulfilling life and peace within.

    The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.  –Psalm 29:11

    Jesus said:

    "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."    –Matthew 6:33

    Life in the real world is unpredictable and the only solid Rock is Jesus.

    What we're talking about is helping our kids take on life without life getting the best of them. We moms and dads do that all along, little by little as we encourage them to keep trying and try again and to keep going. And we dole out love and hugs every chance we get.

    Parenting is a process that goes on as long as we live, even though it changes form over the years. 

    Call it what it is: Privilege. Blessing. Joy. 

    Thanking God, too, 

    Lenore

    Tell your kids the facts about life in the real world

  • Someone has said, "When a child is born, a mother is born."

    It may be hard to imagine of our own moms, but it's true. Every mother since time Blog. Mother combing girls hair. Cassatt. 5.15began has groped her way through unknown territory, made mistakes and learned on the job.  

    I know people who consider their moms angels. 

    I also know a few who've always blamed their mothers for ruining their lives and they long to erase even their memory of them.

    Probably most of us fall somewhere in between.

    Knowing now what I wish I knew then

    My mother died way too young, a few months after she turned 54. It took me a long time to understand how much of her is in me.

    Like my love of music.

    All I knew as a preacher's kid was that my parents were always up front. Mom always played the organ or piano for everything.  

    She also gave piano lessons. Every day one or more kids, usually towed by eager parents, showed up in our living room after school. With them came the standard admonition: "Be quiet."

    That meant my job was to keep my three noisy, energetic sisters quiet for most of an hour and often to get supper started. The clock never moved slower! All in all, I considered Mom's music more a nuisance than a blessing. 

    I yearned for a "normal" mother

    As far back as I can remember once the evening chores were done Mom would play the piano for her own enjoyment, often the music of classical composers.

    Music had drawn my parents together in the beginning, so when Dad had a free night he often joined her, his beautiful tenor soaring while she accompanied him.  

    Small wonder that many a Sunday he would not only preach, but sing a solo while Mom, the organist/pianist accompanied him.

    The congregation always loved it. I knew my parents were talented, but as a kid I wished they were sitting with us in the pew instead of always up front.

    What I didn't understand in time 

    Because of who she was I became familiar with classical and folk melodies and absorbed music through my pores. Every time I hear some of Mom's favorites, I think of her. 

    I wish I had told her that while I had the chance.

    Mom left more than music behind. With her love of beauty and sense of style she made the most of Dad's small salary. She'd stick one zinnia in a vinegar bottle and have a centerpiece.

    Besides that, she knew how to jazz up an old outfit and give it some style. My mother probably learned that from her mother, who made fancy hats and clothing and turned out intricate needlework.  

    Mom held her own in the kitchen, too. She knew how to make food taste good and look good.

    The perpetual student 

    Most of her life my mother kept on learning, everything from trying a new recipe to mastering a challenging concerto. 

    Was she perfect? No. Is anyone?

    I think the demands of her life often overwhelmed her. Today I view her failings more charitably than I once did, probably because I know my own so well.

    I know now Mom did what most of us do, the best she knew how. I thank God for her life and her faithfulness.  

    My mom believed in Jesus

    Because she absolutely trusted Him and believed Bible verses like this, she did not fear death. 

    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. –John 3:16  (ESV)

    Like her, I live in the forgiveness all believers share and I know when Mom stopped breathing she went home to Him.

    Yet my mother lives within me still, as elusive as the whiff of a fragrance I can't quite identify.

    And I am grateful, so grateful.

    Question for you: In what way(s) do you carry your mother with you?

    Blessings and joy,

    Lenore

    Mothers, the lingering fragrance in our minds and hearts

  • Have you ever doubted your ability to give your children what they need? 

    Most of us have. Then it's good to remind ourselves about individuals who overcame big challenges and reared solid families. Blog. Ben Carson. 3.17

    My favorite example is Sonya Carson. I've admired her ever since her younger son, Ben–yes, that Ben Carson–held our convention audience spellbound as he told of his growing-up years. 

    Sonya coped with challenges most of us can't imagine. 

    • She only completed Grade 3 in school
    • At age 13 she married 28 year-old Robert Carson
    • They moved to Detroit after he finished his U.S. Army service
    • Son Curtis arrived when Sonya was 20 and Ben, two years later 
    • Five years later she discovered her husband "forgot" to mention his other (first) wife and children–and still supported them
    • Within two years Sonya and Robert separated, then she divorced him
    • She and the boys moved in with relatives in Boston
    • Two years later the Sonya and her boys moved back to Detroit and into subsidized housing

    Sonya was determined to provide for her family

    She took whatever honest low-skills, low-pay jobs she could find, working two or three at a time. She left before dawn and came home late, often finding her sons asleep in front of the television set. 

    Each day the boys got themselves up, then walked along the railroad track to school. Classmates called fifth-grader Ben the dumbest kid in class and made jokes about him. 

    Almost every Sunday the trio attended their church at least once.

    One day he brought home a report card that changed his life 

    His mother was not happy. "You're a smart boy, Bennie! I know you can do better! If you keep up like this, you'll end up sweeping floors or on skid row. That's not the kind of life I want for you–and neither does God."

    Sonya turned to God, whom she calls her friend and partner, and asked for wisdom.

    A day or so later she announced new rules and pledged her sons to honor them.

    • Come home home immediately after school
    • No playing outside until after homework is done
    • Be inside the apartment by sunset, with doors locked; Halls and public areas are dangerous
    • Only two TV programs per week–after homework
    • Each week read two books from the neighborhood public library and write a book report
    • Mother will critique each book report 

    The boys complained and friends criticized, but nothing swayed Sonya

    She told them, "I know you boys have good minds. If you can read, you can learn just about anything you want to know. The doors of the world are open to people who can read."  

    Before long the friendly public librarians knew both boys well. Each week Sonya Carson carefully read their book reports, asking questions and offering encouragement. (For years it didn't occur to her sons she might not understand every word she read.)

    First Bennie read his way through the section on animals and then tackled books about rocks. The crushed rocks along the track now fascinated him. By the middle of his sixth grade, Benjamin led his class.

    Ben's biggest challenge

    All along Ben struggled with his violent temper, which led to frequent confrontations with classmates. The turning point came when he was 14 and stabbed a friend. Only that boy's heavy metal belt buckle saved his life.

    Ben ran home and locked himself in the bathroom with his Bible. He stayed there for hours, asking God to help him deal with his temper. He found many verses about anger in the Book of Proverbs. Proverbs 16:32 pierced his heart:

    "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." 

    Ben vowed that with God's help, he would control his anger, rather than let his anger control him. After that his temper no longer troubled him.

    Sonya's plan pays big dividends

    FBlog. Ben Carson. Mother. 3.17rom then on Ben poured himself into his studies, graduated high school, entered Yale in 1969, then went on to medical school. (Older brother Curtis, became an engineer and designed airplane parts.) At age 33, Benjamin Solomon Carson, M.D., became the director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins. He pioneered in separating co-joined (Siamese) twins. 

    A committed Christian, he still reads from the Book of Proverbs, morning and evening.

    Like Mother, like son

    Ben discounts the lifetime effect of poverty and racial prejudice.

    "The person who has the most to do with who you are and what you become is you." 

    "My mother used to say, 'If you walk into an auditorium full of racist, bigoted people … you don't have a problem, they have a problem …'

    His philosophy probably stems from from Sonya Carson's frequent admonition to her sons: 

    "You do your best and God will do the rest."

    She lived that principle herself. "My job was to prepare them. And I turned to God for help every inch of the way."

    You are equipped to rear your kids

    You'll have days you feel life is too hard or think you lack what it takes. If money is tight, you may fear you're shortchanging your children. 

    Then call Sonya Carson and her courage to mind. Think of the rich gifts she gave her sons in that dismal setting! She spoke courage when she didn't know how she'd get through the week. She set limits for her children, always speaking faith and confidence. They grew strong from within–and so did she. 

    Not once did she walk alone. Neither do you, if, like Sonya, God is your friend and your partner.

    Blessings,

    Lenore        

    Take heart, Mom. You are your child’s biggest “advantage” in life

  •      Many parents suppose they can delay talking to their children about sex until their preteen years.  

    Blog. Mom Talk Boy. 8.15Waiting "until the time is right" is too late. Kids learn about everything–including sex–from their earliest years.  

    Think of children as video recorders with legs and you won't be far wrong

    Long before we think it matters, kids pick up information and impressions about sex, even when they have no idea what it means. They file these bits and pieces in their memory banks. 

    Most of all, they watch how Mommy and Daddy treat each other.

    • Mommy and Daddy seem to kiss for a very long time
    • Daddy comes home sweaty from the job or a workout–and takes a shower–then winks at Mommy
    • She sprays on perfume when she dresses or just before he walks through the door
    • Mommy and Daddy smile at each other a lot and he pats her on the rear when he walks by 

    Children watch everything–and learn.

    They don't quite understand the why of it, but they draw impressions that marriage is different. Something special. 

    What about television?

    Make no mistake, TV shows–even cartoon shows–convey messages. Not only what's said, but also how characters interact.

    How family members react to what's onscreen is crucial. Picture a shapely blond wearing way too few clothes cavorting across the TV screen. If Dad whistles or says, "Wow, look at that!" he's teaching.

    Mom might watch some musclebound hunk, sigh and then say, "Isn't he the handsomest thing you've ever seen?" She's teaching, too.

    We all know the standard television fare:    

    • Crude jokes and suggestive language
    • One character using another
    • Bed-hopping between singles who just met
    • Unfaithfulness between married folks
    • The "absolutely mandatory" gay individual in every sitcom–who always turns out to be much more sensitive and caring than characters who are straight

    Every one of these "entertainment" shows instructs. About something.

    Any time onscreen words and actions contradict what we tell our kids at other times, we miss out on a natural teaching opportunity.   

    How? A familiar principle applies here: More is caught than taught.

    Children have no filter

    It's not just cartoons and sitcoms. Kids also listen in to TV talk shows we think they tune out.

    If we say not a word, they'll likely conclude what they're seeing and hearing must be okay, because our silence implies our approval.  

    Be pro-active. It may inconvenience you, but pause the TV or turn it off. Then talk through what's just been said or shown and help your children understand the right and wrong of it. Anchor what you say in your family's life and faith standards. 

    It's prime time for setting right attitudes

    Home is meant to provide the counter-balance for wrong attitudes pressing in from every side.

    Seize the moment, often, to quietly tell your children again how God wants us to live.

    Keep your goal in mind: To help your youngsters understand how God's standards differ from the wrong behavior they see around them. Little by little they'll form their own strong foundation of faith that gives them a basis for right behavior.  

    Feeling overwhelmed? Most of us do. It helps to have some good books with appealing art and kid language for them to read. Scour your Christian bookstore to find what's age-appropriate

    The books I know best are the Learning About Sex series from Concordia How to Talk . 8.15. 142169Publishing House, a Christ-centered publisher. These books feature trustworthy material geared to girls and boys of specific ages. A new revised and updated edition of all the books in the Series was just issued.

    I wrote the book for parents, How to Talk Confidently with Your Child about Sex. It takes you through all the stages of your child’s development to assist you in providing accurate biological facts. You'll find suggestions for establishing behaviors, values, and attitudes of a growing Christian.

    If this sounds like a reference book, yes. If you expect it to sound scholarly, no. The tone is conversational.

    The overall theme of my book–and every book in this Series–is that sexuality is God's good and precious gift to each of us, meant to be the cause of rejoicing between husband and wife.

    What if mom and dad have failed in that? We turn to Jesus, to his love and forgiveness, and begin again. This book stresses God's grace in Christ.  

    Parents rank at the top

    It's sobering to realize that how we moms and dads live our lives really counts with our children.

    Example weighs more than words.

    Every survey of teenagers proves the same point. Teens say their parents are the biggest influence in their children's lives. 

    That lasting parental influence is built, layer by layer. Day by day.  

    Don't worry if you stumble along the way. As you integrate bits of information and opinion, you'll feel more at ease talking about sex with your kids.

    Think of yourself as the first line of defense against wrong ideas and media influence.

    Relax. Trust. Pray

    By the way, no parent does everything right.

    We all do the best we can with what we know at the time. And we pray, trusting the God who loves our children even more than we.

    Then we relax, knowing each of our children is His gift to us.

    Feeling shaky? 

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.                              –Isaiah 41:10 ESV

    Blessings and joy,

    Lenore

    Your comments welcomed!

    Related articles

    How to smooth your way through your days
    Look what can happen if we stamp out two words: " I can't"
    Don't miss the wonder of your life!

    Who do you think is teaching your kids about sex?