Tag: Moms

Few who watched the London Olympics could look away from the shots of Oscar Pistorius, a strong, triumphant athlete.

There he was running on two carbon fiber blades shaped like scythes. Although he failed to qualify for the 400 metre final, this South African counted it a victory simply to compete on an equal basis with "normal" runners.

If you followed his story, you know Oscar was born without fibulas, the long bones that run from knee to ankle. That November 22, 1986, his parents, Sheila and Henke Pistorius, as any of us would, wondered what kind of life lay ahead for their newborn.

Early on they consulted with some of the best doctors in the world. These physicians advised a procedure that left them reeling: Ampute their baby's legs below the knee. Soon.

Doctors assured them their son would face less difficulty learning to walk and would have better mobility all through life. Surgeons performed the amputation before Oscar's first birthday.

Six months later technicians fitted the toddler with his first prosthetic legs.

Never shrinking back

This remarkable family was crazy for sports. Oscar grew up rejecting physical limitations and trying everything, egged on by his mom.

He played rugby and water polo and also wrestled. In 2003 a rugby tackle resulted in torn knee ligaments. Doctors advised him to get into sprinting to rehab his leg and his coach quietly began shape Oscar for a running career.

Through it all, Sheila Pistorius cheered him on. According to her son, she cut him no slack. "She always said the loser isn't the person that gets involved and comes in last, but it's the person that doesn't get involved in the first place."

Henke and Sheila divorced sometime during Oscar's childhood years, after which the three siblings saw little oftheir father. .

Sheila Pistorius died when Oscar was fifteen. In an interview with News24.com, he said his mother "left an indelible mark on me."

What keeps him going

It's heady stuff for any athlete to compete in the Olympic, but Oscar never forgets the source of his strength. He discussed that with Nico Bougas (Assist News Service (ANS) dated June 9, 2012.)

Oscar grew up in a Christian home and accepted Christ as His Savior “more or less before I could remember. God is the most important person in the world to me. If I’m on the right patch spiritually, it helps with everything else.”

Asked why he needs Christ in his life, he says: “Because He is the reason for my success and the one that takes me from strength to strength. Christ makes all the difference. He aids me in my struggles and makes my glories that much greater.”

The ultimate prize

Like many athletes, Oscar has a tattoo, which he got one sleepless night in New York City. It’s a verse from Corinthians: “I do not run like a man running aimlessly.’’

To be specific, the verse is 1 Corinthians 9:26. If we add verse 25, we understand what Oscar Pistorius means:

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly . . .

The crown stands for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, which brings us eternal life in heaven.

Here's to living with purpose–with or without a tattoo.

Love,

Lenore

A never-quit spirit makes up for deficiencies

August 7, 2012
Why not an Olympics ceremony where parents get medals, too?

Think about it. Olympic athletes start out as kids with dreams. They get immersed in intensive training long before they can drive. Someone has to get them from home to the practice facility.

Guess who.

Mom watches and cheers from the bleachers or dozes in her car. Every day she packs lunches, hands out Gatorade and energy bars and launders smelly towels and athletic duds. Her ready supply of hugs, encouragement and consolation never runs dry.

Take Debbie Phelps, for example. The mother of Michael Phelps, winner of eight gold medals, got him into swimming when he was age seven. Every day she chauffeured him and his two older sisters, also Olympics hopefuls, back and forth to the practice facility. Holidays? Vacations? Uh-uh.

Finding this kind of focus can be a godsend

Both mother and son have talked freely about Michael's early diagnosis of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Diagnosis.) She describes the young Michael as "a burst of energy . . . a local irritant."

Swimming became his release. Michael took to swimming naturally, perhaps because he turned out to have a mind and body just right for the sport. Debbie, a divorced mom, says she simply kept him pointed in the right direction.

(Any parent of an ADHD child would understand how much courage and determination that required.)

Debbie taught school for thirty years and is the principal of a Baltimore middle school. In recent years she became something of a celebrity in her own right. She believes every child needs an outlet. It doesn't matter whether it's sports or science, music or art, or a hands-on skill of some sort. Finding the activity that fits–and fills–is key.

When Tom Brokaw interviewed Debbie Phelps in 2008 she offered three principles of parenting.

Love your kids.

Steer them in the right direction.

Give them right values.

What's missing here?

I agree with Debbie Phelps' advice, but I think she omitted what enables a parent to carry out those three principles: faith in God.

Where can we find enough love to carry on despite frustrations and difficultes?

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.     –1 John 4:17

With distractions and competing experts on all sides, how can we know which direction is "right?"

Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.     –Psalm 119:105

How can we discern which values are "right?"

Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."     –-John 8:31

People have turned to the Bible for centuries, looking for answers. And finding them.

Better than gold medals

Loving through all the ups and downs takes all we've got and then some. Eventually most faithful moms and dads earn something much more satisfying than any medal. We can't hold it in our hands or display it in a trophy case, but it's real.

The warm glow it brings starts the first time we look at our adult children and realize we not only love them, we like them.

Trust me, that's a lasting reward worth all the love and effort you give.

Love,

Lenore
When will they start giving gold medals to moms?

July 25, 2012
You've probably seen that TV commercial of the mother and her college-bound daughter in the cell phone store.

Both of them talk and weep at the same time, so their words get lost. Daughter tries to reassure her "Hover Mother" they won't be out-of-touch, while the (male) clerk remains mystified. mystified.

Google "hover mothers" or "helicopter parents" and you'll find pages of reading from all over on this hot topic

Hovering starts early

One account described parents who carefully choose a safe neighborhood near schools. Then they declare it's "too dangerous" for their children to walk or bicycle to school alone. They say, "I just want to be sure you're safe, Honey."

What would any normal child conclude? Life is scary.

Maybe that accounts for the twice-daily traffic jams In our quiet, low-crime community at the beginning and end of every school day. Sunshine or rain, cars line up for blocks along tree-lined streets. Watchful moms–and some dads–wait near the crossing guards, ready to walk their kids home. (Parents of middle- and high-school students wait down the street, as instructed.)

Good intentions may be misguided

Planting fear makes children feel powerless.

Our call as loving parents is to help our kids grow strong within themselves.

Instead of hovering, we get our child ready for the "what ifs" of life. Talking it through and offering specific actions can produce courage and calm thinking, like youngsters in news stories who escaped harm by running away, screaming loudly or calling 911.

Somebody helped them be mentally prepared.

Love doesn't gallop to the rescue every time our child calls. Take the youngster with a habit of "forgetting" crucial homework or even lunch. No more lectures. No more temper. First comes a warning, then one rescue. After that Mom says, "Sorry, Sweetie. You're on your own. Talk to your teacher and see what you can work out."

Call it tough, or label it a taste of how the world works. A learning step toward being responsible.

We stay tuned, but from a distance. It's as if we hold up a sign that reads, "We believe in you!" If they stumble, we pick 'em up, give 'em a hug and encourage them to try again.

As Christian moms we want our child's long-term best. Working through situations like this on their own imparts the sense they can deal with whatever comes.

Our mission as parents is to love our kids and let them go

Teens and young adults learn to make wise decisions by (sometimes) making unwise decisions. We allow them to try–and sometimes fail–and learn.

Is this easy? No! Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing we've ever done. The near-hysterical mom in the cell phone commercial would be the type who delivers daily wake-up calls to her child's dorm room. (Yes, it happens.)

Moms feel separation anxiety, too. We look at the years we invested in protecting our child, wanting to make sure she grows up with only happy memories. We wonder how our beautiful children can get along on their own.

If not before, now's the time.

Setting our children free, ready and willing to live without us, bestows a love gift that keeps on giving.

Moms never stop praying

We love our children best when we leave "hovering" to the One who knows the end before the beginning. He never takes His watchful eyes off our loved ones and He knows what they need most. Our task is to keep on praying and trusting.

Here's a Bible verse to encourage us:

. . . The prayer of a righteous [mother} is powerful and effective. –James 5:16 NIV (If you don't feel "righteous enough," read Romans 3:22-24 and 5:19.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

Mother love that strengthens our children

May 21, 2012
Mention the word, "spanking," and people go ballistic.

One loving parent says, "I think spanking is barbaric!" Another, just as loving, says, "Sometimes spanking is the only way I can get their attention."

Surveys indicate a majority of young children in this country are spanked regularly.

Experts and professionals who show up on TV and write articles in magazines mostly rail against the evils of spanking. They often cite studies that seem to prove

physical punishment leads children to become more aggressive.

One "doctor mom" who writes in our local newspaper believes children should not be spanked. Period.

You and I read articles like this and think, Well, she ought to know."

All parents need to do, she says, is practice positive reinforcement and validate the child's feelings. As an example she explains even 2-year olds can understand–once you explain–why they must not touch a hot stove. You listen, you allow them their feelings, you set boundaries and voila!

Why parents sometimes feel threatened

A mom told about taking her three rambunctious boys to McDonald's. They did what preschool boys always do. Jabbed and poked and teased in the waiting area and swung on the shiny railing.

Once they got settled in their booth, the boys started in again. Kicking under the table. Older brothers calling the youngest a baby" and him whimpering. Trying to gross each other out, which called for a collective, "Eww!"

Then she noticed everyone else in the place watching them and frowning, clearly disapproving.

"Rick wanted to settle them down with a little swat on their behinds. I really thought one of that crowd might report us to Child Protective Services, so we gathered up our food and kind of slinked out."

For the record . . .

My husband and I agreed spankings would be rare at our house and they were. Each of our four girls, however, got at least one.

We lived along a straight-shot country road with a dip in it, so drivers would not have seen a toddler in time to stop. With a roomy fenced yard, our kids had plenty of room to run. That's why every single day I warned them, "You must not go outside the yard! Do you understand me?"

And every one of them stole out of our yard at least once.

So I would swoop down on our pint-size adventurer and administer five or six swats right away. It wasn't anger that drove me, but fear for their lives. I had to be able to trust these little girls would stay in our roomy, well-fenced yard, even when I wasn't on hand.

By then we both would be crying. I would hug her and kiss her and not bring it up again.

Know the "why" and know yourself

Spanking our children is hard–and it should be, I think. And we need to be sure we're not just trying to show we're bigger and more powerful than our kids.

I know now that it was good we kept spankings rare in our family. Our girls got the message that Mommy and Daddy are in charge and family rules are meant to be kept.

(P.S. It's good to get that established early, while you're the tall one.)

God bless you,

Comments?

To spank or not to spank, that is the question

March 2, 2012
Every day children absorb messages about sex, either implied or in-your-face.

They soak them up from Mom and Dad. From TV cartoons and sitcoms. From the neighbors and from what teachers say and do, as well as from sex education classes.

Truths and errors drip into young minds. Kids fit them together like pieces of a puzzle and come up with their picture of what it means to be a "male" or a "female."

Prescription: Start early to lay a solid foundation

It's not possible to grab our kids and run because, well, we live in the world.

Our best strategy is to help our sons and daughters lay down solid footings on which they can build sound lives.

Call this equipping what it is: your privilege.

It's never too early and never too late. You will bless your children for life.

The idea is to make this part of casual everyday conversations. Help your children know the values you hold. Talk about the "whys" as well as the "what."

Arm your kids with the truth about sexuality and with right values. "Sexuality" and "sexual identity" go beyond body parts and sexual intercourse and involve the whole person. Males and females think differently and respond differently, both in body and mind.

Our Creator built that into us.

Are there variations between one male and another male? One female and another female? Of course, but none so striking as the differences between one gender and the other.

Mom and Dad are teaching all the time

Have you noticed that youngsters pay the most attention when you're not talking to them?

Your kids watch Mommy and Daddy and think that's how males and females are supposed to relate. When you treat each other with respect and speak well of each other, you give them a strong model to live by. Your love pats and long kisses bear witness that being married offers a lasting attraction.

What kids observe at home, day after day, outweighs whatever they may be taught in sex education classes.

Even teenagers, in numerous surveys, overwhelmingly name their parents as their most important influence.

What else can you do?

Make it a point to watch allowed television shows with your family, so you can help your kids catch innuendos and blatant sexual messages and identify sexy clothing. Talk about shows after they end. See if your kids picked up subtle messages and correct wrong impressions.

As you help your youngsters connect the dots they'll develop their own internal filters. Over time your children will begin to look and listen to life's pressures with better judgment, even when you're not around. They'll be wiser as they use their computer(s) and all the other techie marvels.

Tell it like it is

From the beginning, use the correct terminology. (If you're not sure what that is, buy a reliable book written from a Christian perspective.)

Whatever you say, frame it in the context of God's perfect design. If you read the first two chapters of Genesis, you'll notice He saved the best for last: Adam and Eve. Human beings. He told them to be fruitful and increase in number.

God saw all that he had made and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning–the sixth day. Genesis 1:31

As Christian parents, help your children develop God's view of sexuality. His good gift. Too precious to be squandered in thoughtless and casual ways.

Too wonderful to waste.

You can do it!

God gave you your children, more of his good gifts. He would not entrust you with your ohildren without empowering you for your task.

Peace and joy,

Lenore

Teaching your kids about sex. When, where, by whom?

September 30, 2011
Let's face it. Kids sniff out phoniness faster than a bloodhound after a bank robber.

Youngsters assume their observations on How Adults Really Live are way more accurate than the frequent parental blah, blah, blahs they hear.

Every day situations provide built-in object lessons that prove (to them, at least) whether we mean what we tell them.

No wonder they stay alert, ready to pick up on how Mom (and Dad) respond in one situation or another.

* A cashier gives Mommy change for a $20-dollar bill when she paid with a ten-spot.

* Mom falls for a gorgeous pair of shoes–another gorgeous pair of shoes. She leaves the bag in the car until her husband goes off to a meeting, then hides the shoes in the back of the closet. Some time later she wears them and Dad says, "New shoes?"

* A casual friend calls about going out to lunch and Mom answers, "Sorry, I'm already committed for the day," which isn't true.

* Mother takes Daughter shopping and finds the perfect prom dress, one that fits like a dream. Miracle of miracles, both of them like the same dress. On the way home reality hits. That dress cost twice as much as Mother planned and it has to go back. So she delivers the sad news. "Honey, we have to take this dress back."

Daughter replies, "Oh, no problem, Mom. I'll just tuck the price tag inside and wear the dress Saturday night. Then Monday we take the dress back to the store and you get all your money back. That's what all the girls do."

What's a mother to do?

Over and over we choose how we deal with life. Our choices determine which lessons our children take away. If our actions back up our words they learn one lesson. If not, we teach another.

Tough, but true, 24/7.

Whenever we lose heart it's good to remember that moms and dads hold a unique position, even today. In every survey teens still say their parents are the biggest influence in their lives. That means we impact the next generation, too.

Sounds to me like an honor and a privilege, reason to celebrate, every day.

How about you?

Lovingly,

Lenore

Mom’s most effective way to teach her children

May 3, 2011