Tag: Moms

Many parents suppose they can delay talking to their children about sex until their preteen years.

Waiting "until the time is right" is too late. Kids learn about everything–including sex–from their earliest years.

Think of children as video recorders with legs and you won't be far wrong

Long before we think it matters, kids pick up information and impressions about sex, even when they have no idea what it means. They file these bits and pieces in their memory banks.

Most of all, they watch how Mommy and Daddy treat each other.

Mommy and Daddy seem to kiss for a very long time

Daddy comes home sweaty from the job or a workout–and takes a shower–then winks at Mommy

She sprays on perfume when she dresses or just before he walks through the door

Mommy and Daddy smile at each other a lot and he pats her on the rear when he walks by

Children watch everything–and learn.

They don't quite understand the why of it, but they draw impressions that marriage is different. Something special.

What about television?

Make no mistake, TV shows–even cartoon shows–convey messages. Not only what's said, but also how characters interact.

How family members react to what's onscreen is crucial. Picture a shapely blond wearing way too few clothes cavorting across the TV screen. If Dad whistles or says, "Wow, look at that!" he's teaching.

Mom might watch some musclebound hunk, sigh and then say, "Isn't he the handsomest thing you've ever seen?" She's teaching, too.

We all know the standard television fare:

Crude jokes and suggestive language

One character using another

Bed-hopping between singles who just met

Unfaithfulness between married folks

The "absolutely mandatory" gay individual in every sitcom–who always turns out to be much more sensitive and caring than characters who are straight

Every one of these "entertainment" shows instructs. About something.

Any time onscreen words and actions contradict what we tell our kids at other times, we miss out on a natural teaching opportunity.

How? A familiar principle applies here: More is caught than taught.

Children have no filter

It's not just cartoons and sitcoms. Kids also listen in to TV talk shows we think they tune out.

If we say not a word, they'll likely conclude what they're seeing and hearing must be okay, because our silence implies our approval.

Be pro-active. It may inconvenience you, but pause the TV or turn it off. Then talk through what's just been said or shown and help your children understand the right and wrong of it. Anchor what you say in your family's life and faith standards.

It's prime time for setting right attitudes

Home is meant to provide the counter-balance for wrong attitudes pressing in from every side.

Seize the moment, often, to quietly tell your children again how God wants us to live.

Keep your goal in mind: To help your youngsters understand how God's standards differ from the wrong behavior they see around them. Little by little they'll form their own strong foundation of faith that gives them a basis for right behavior.

Feeling overwhelmed? Most of us do. It helps to have some good books with appealing art and kid language for them to read. Scour your Christian bookstore to find what's age-appropriate

The books I know best are the Learning About Sex series from Concordia Publishing House, a Christ-centered publisher. These books feature trustworthy material geared to girls and boys of specific ages. A new revised and updated edition of all the books in the Series was just issued.

I wrote the book for parents, How to Talk Confidently with Your Child about Sex. It takes you through all the stages of your child’s development to assist you in providing accurate biological facts. You'll find suggestions for establishing behaviors, values, and attitudes of a growing Christian.

If this sounds like a reference book, yes. If you expect it to sound scholarly, no. The tone is conversational.

The overall theme of my book–and every book in this Series–is that sexuality is God's good and precious gift to each of us, meant to be the cause of rejoicing between husband and wife.

What if mom and dad have failed in that? We turn to Jesus, to his love and forgiveness, and begin again. This book stresses God's grace in Christ.

Parents rank at the top

It's sobering to realize that how we moms and dads live our lives really counts with our children.

Example weighs more than words.

Every survey of teenagers proves the same point. Teens say their parents are the biggest influence in their children's lives.

That lasting parental influence is built, layer by layer. Day by day.

Don't worry if you stumble along the way. As you integrate bits of information and opinion, you'll feel more at ease talking about sex with your kids.

Think of yourself as the first line of defense against wrong ideas and media influence.

Relax. Trust. Pray

By the way, no parent does everything right.

We all do the best we can with what we know at the time. And we pray, trusting the God who loves our children even more than we.

Then we relax, knowing each of our children is His gift to us.

Feeling shaky?

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.                              –Isaiah 41:10 ESV

Blessings and joy,

Lenore

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August 21, 2015
I remember being an earnest young mom trying so hard to do everything right and be sure our little darlings were safe.

One dear older lady watched me washing off my toddler and every surface around her. If our little girl dropped a toy I'd snatch it up and wash it before giving it back to her.

This sweet older friend said, "Aw Honey, don't worry about a little dirt. We all eat a bushel of dirt before we die, anyhow."

I stared at her in shock, wondering if she was kidding.

She wasn't.

Because I was young and insecure–and informed!–I assumed she simply didn't know better, so I paid no attention. The washing and wiping continued.

The "experts" are agreeing with her

After years of advising us to use not only soap and water, but sanitizers and wipes so we can be super-clean, now they're saying, "Well, maybe not."

The new thinking is that all that washing and sanitizing is part of the reason we have super-germs.

Put another way, ever-present "normal" germs got wiped away. Bacteria that survived mutated and got stronger.

What we have now are "super bugs," resistant to the usual antibiotics, placing both children and adults at greater risk.

"Don't get dirty!" may not be such good advice

Anxious moms don't like little ones to play in the dirt because, well, who knows what's in it?

Here's what WebMD says about kids and dirt:

"The 'hygiene hypotheses' holds that when exposure to parasites, bacteria, and viruses is limited early in life, children face a greater chance of having allergies, asthma, and other autoimmune diseases during adulthood.

". . . Just as a baby's brain needs stimulation, input, and interaction to develop normally, the young immune system is strengthened by exposure to everyday germs so that it can learn, adapt, and regulate itself, notes Thom McDade, PhD, associate professor and director of the Laboratory for Human Biology Research at Northwestern University."

In a recent study they found that children who were around animals and who had more cases of diarrhea before they were two years old had less incidence of inflammation in their bodies as they grew into adulthood.

That's important because now they know inflammation links to many chronic adult illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease and Alzheimer's.

McDade goes on to say, "Microbial exposures early in life may be important . . . to keep inflammation in check in adulthood."

Out of love and good intentions we've been trying to raise our kids in germ-free environments. Who would have guessed we may be depriving them of the opportunity to build a strong immune system for life?

Much like my long-ago older friend, Professor McDade advocates common sense: "You don't have to wash or sanitize everything."

Here's my simple conclusion

God created the earth and everything in it. Obviously, that includes the dirt under our feet.

God makes us one-of-a-kind and gifts human beings with the ability to think, giving some an affinity for science and medicine.

Nothing surprises our loving God, because the Bible tells us He is all-knowing. Period. He knows everything that is to come and exactly what mankind will need to handle it.

That means you and I can say with the writer of Psalm 121:7:

The LORD will keep you from all harm– he will watch over your life;

So relax, dear friend. God's got it all covered.

(Besides, we'll eat a bushel of dirt before we die.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

Moms, don’t be afraid of dirt!

March 12, 2015
Just the other day I heard a mom say, "I love my kids, but somewhere along the way I lost myself."

Another mom said, "My children are my life! They take all my time and fill up all my heart.

"But the other night my husband told me at work he's respected and looked up to, but at home he feels invisible.

"I couldn't tell him what I was feeling, which is that I have nothing left to give."

Can you relate?

Being a mom takes all we have and then some. It can blot out everything and everyone else and leave us feeling wrung-out.

Beware making it a way of life.

What's that supposed to mean?

When our four girls were growing up I often felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities–and I was.

A wonderful friend from our church told me early on. "Always remember you started with the two of you and the love between you. Guard your marriage relationship well.

"Find a way to make time each day for the two of you. You both need that connecting to remember who you are.

"I always made sure Jim knew I loved him most and I can tell you, it works. We still had something going between us when our kids grew up and went off to their own lives."

We knew by their body language it worked, so we tried to live it.

Yes, it makes a difference.

It's possible to be too proud of being a "good mother"

Everyone knows someone always described as "such a good mom she puts the rest of us to shame."

She always picks up the slack for her kids. She helps them with homework and cleans up their messes. Runs to the school with forgotten lunches and gym clothes. Fights their battles against "too hard on them" teachers and anyone who ever picks on her child. And of course, she always goes along on school field trips.

She does it all out of love, so who would fault her?

Call me crazy, but I would.

Okay, smarty pants, what makes a good mom or a good dad?

For awhile I was impressed by a mom like that who lived up the road. I was convinced she must be a better mother.

Thank God I heard an older friend state her philosophy of being a mom:

"A mother's job is to work herself out of a job–long before her children leave home."

She explained what she meant. We parents need to let our children learn from their choices and mistakes. If they forget their homework, their grade will suffer–and they'll learn. If they forget their gym clothes they'll sit on the bench and be bored–and never forget again. If they don't take their lunch today, they may be hungry, but they'll remember to take it tomorrow.

A youngster who learns from (small) choices and (small) mistakes grows up knowing that everything is a choice–and every choice has a consequence, good or bad.

That's a handy thing to know all through life and makes for stronger individuals.

Which, come to think of it, helps Mom remember who she is and why she married Dad.

We lived it at our house and it works.

In fact, that's the basis for my book, Godly Moms: Strength from the Inside Out. (See book cover and link on the sidebar.)

With love,

Lenore

How to survive being a mom

October 23, 2014
The only time we know how to raise children perfectly is before we have any.

Why wouldn't that be true? God creates each child to be one-of-a-kind, whether our children come to us by birth, by adoption, or because we marry a man who already is a dad.

That plunges us into a lifelong process of stretching. Growing. Learning.

We soon discover that being a mom means whatever else we may be involved in, our children remain constantly in our minds and in our hearts.

Being a mom takes all we have and then some

When our four daughters were growing up I loved them and every bit of our life, but I often felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities.

I never once wanted to quit, but I longed to find a better way.

About that time God sent an older friend who shared her philosophy of mothering: "A mother's job is to work herself out of a job–long before her children leave home."

That "radical" thought made sense to me

Along with feeding, clothing and teaching our children, we moms are to prepare them for life. We hear all the time that life is tough, even for kids. Away from us they're on their own, whether it's at child care or in school.

When we help them develop inner strength we're living out the Golden Rule:

[Jesus said] "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

I can't think of a more loving and lasting gift we can give our children, can you?

My husband and I decided to borrow my wise friend's principles of parenting. Before long we noticed the change in our family. It seemed we all liked each other more–and ourselves, too. Over the years we watched our daughters grew into strong adults.

Those years taught me and became background for my latest book Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out

This collection of short pieces can be read in snatches of time. Here's one to hang onto when you're feeling stressed.

—————————————-

MADE FOR EACH OTHER

Your family is no accident. God gave you to each other.

Each child who calls you "Mom" was created just for you.

God placed you together because you need each other.

Let those sentences sink deep into your heart and your mind.

This is true even when you have conflicts and diffficulties. Even if you are as different as plums and peanut butter. Even though it seems you always say or do the wrong thing with one of your children.

Your Designer Kids need you, not the Ms. Flawless Mom who lives on the corner.

And vice versa.

You don't need the placid child next door, nor Super Kid across the street. You need that one who most often baffles you or challenges you.

God tailor-makes our children to stretch us.

To teach us.

To grow us.

Mothering opens our minds and strips away old, comfortable illusions about life.

And about ourselves.

Day after day, we're forced to cope. As we do, we may discover strengths we didn't know we had.

Weaknesses too.

No mom would label this process easy or comfortable. Growing pains never are.

When you feel overwhelmed, reassure yourself with what you know. God put together the pieces of your family jigsaw puzzle according to His plan.

It is a good one.

So walk on, trust Jesus, and be at peace.

Like your kids, you're in the process of becoming. Your heart will never shrink back to its original size.

[The Lord says,] "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." —Jeremiah 1:5a

(Excerpted from Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out, published by Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis.)

Moms, if you feel in over your head, take heart. Every day you leave footprints on tomorrow.

Blessings and love,

Lenore

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May 9, 2014
Did you ever notice how many people talk about even very young children as if they were miniature adults? It seems to me they confer upon youngsters way more self-control, maturity and judgment than kids are capable of at those ages.

Well-meaning parents do it, too. No doubt you've heard someone ask a little one, "What shall we have for lunch today?"

Lots of kids would be ready to shout, "Popsicles!" or "Gummi-Bears and M&Ms!"

Then Mommy might answer, "But, Honey, you know we couldn't have that for lunch. That wouldn't be healthy!"

Any reasonable child would be thinking, So why did you ask me if it doesn't matter what I say?

Good point

We do ask without really intending to take a child's answer seriously.

Sometimes our questions put the child a decision-making position that belongs to the parent. I remember the earnest young working mom I talked to before school started. She and her husband were going on a cruise, which would end just past the beginning date of school in her area. The problem was that "Timmy," her oldest child, was enrolled in kindergarten and it would be underway before she returned.

"So I just gave Timmy the choice," she said. "Did he want to wait for Mommy to come back and take him, so we could go into the school together and I could meet the teacher with him? Or did he want to go on his own, without Mommy? I told him if he waits, he'll miss out on lots of important stuff, like meeting other kids.

"I'm glad he decided to wait, so I can go with him on his first day, after all.

"But it is his choice. After all, Timmy is five years old. That's old enough to make decisions about his own life."

Do you agree?

It seems to me that decision belonged to the parents, not their five-year-old. He simply hasn't lived long enough to know.

That's not to say children should never have a voice. We give our kids a lifetime gift when we allow them to make age-appropriate choices. Little by little we increase the number of choices they get to make. By the way, that includes letting them live with the consequences (unless that would mean actual harm to them.) Always, we keep a watchful, protective eye–without hovering.

All this helps them learn and grow into strong young individuals who can manage on their own. And isn't that our goal as parents?

We need self-honesty, too

I suspect that young mom wanted to be missed and needed, but right then her longing for a vacation outweighed the beginning of kindergarten.

We're all wired the same way. We tend to think of our desires first. Being a parent keeps us shoving aside our wants and putting our kids first, but let's face it, we get weary. Growth is good, but sometimes it's not much fun.

Sooo we cut ourselves some slack. We try not to ask our children questions unless we plan to take their answers seriously.

We let our kids be kids.

Through their growth–and ours–we keep on encouraging, keep on loving.

As the writer of 1 Peter said in chapter 4, verse 8 (NIV):

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Love,

Lenore

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March 14, 2014
Sometimes a chance conversation teaches us a lot. Like the day a friend talked about her childhood.

"Our family was poor when I was growing up," she said, "but I never knew it.

"I remember the year Dad was out of work. Mom suddenly announced she was really tired of fixing turkey every Thanksgiving and announced our First Annual Rice and Beans Festival.

"We kids made silly paper hats out of grocery bags. Mom dug up some old candles and sent us out to pick up pretty leaves to decorate the table. Before we ate we went around the table and each of us, even my bratty brother, said our own thank-you prayer.

"Guess we kids forgot we didn't much like rice and beans because we stuffed ourselves. After dinner we had a contest to see how many blessings we could name, then played games.

"We all still talk of that as the best Thanksgiving ever.

"Friday nights were special, too. We always had popcorn and Kool-Aid. Then we'd sit around and watch TV together or play games. I know now that's all we could afford, but as a child it felt like a party every week.

"Whenever the power went out, Dad would clap his hands and say, 'Let's celebrate!'

"He'd light candles while Mom made peanut butter sandwiches. Then he'd spread out an old blanket and we'd sit in a circle, like around a campfire. We'd sing camp songs and one of us would make up a funny story, then the next one in the circle would have to keep it going.

"We had so many good times, so much laughing–small wonder I thought we must be rich. My parents simply knew how to make the most of every little thing.

"I hate to admit it, but my husband and I and our kids have a lot more stuff now than my parents ever did and we never celebrate any of it."

+++++++

That conversation stayed in my mind for a long time. Obviously, her parents were super-gifted with a thankful spirit. They have a lot to teach . . . me.

A lovely old hymn speaks truth to my heart. How about yours?

For The Beauty Of The Earth

For the beauty of the earth,

For the beauty of the skies,

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the beauty of each hour

Of the day and of the night,

Hill and vale, and tree and flower,

Sun and moon and stars of light,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the joy of human love,

Brother, sister, parent, child,

Friends on earth, and friends above,

Pleasures pure and undefiled,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our grateful hymn of praise.

Blessings to you, my friend, at Thanksgiving and every day,

Lenore

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November 21, 2013
You probably heard about the Utah coach who suspended his entire football team a week before their big homecoming game.

Coach Matt Labrum had known players were being disciplined for being disrespectful and skipping classes. When some were accused of cyberbullying, it was the last straw.

He decided his Union High team needed a wake-up call.

Labrum told all 80 players they were suspended and to turn in their jerseys. The new emphasis would be on building character and only those who earned the privilege to play would make the team.

He describes it as "an emotional moment on all sides."

Coach Labrum told the Deseret News, "We need to focus on some other things that are more important than winning a football game."

The players got the message. The next day, Saturday, at 7 a.m., all players turned up at Roosevelt Union High, as directed. Labrum explained that to earn their way back they'd need to perform community service. Practice hours would be devoted to character classes.

Right away the players dug in, cleaning up streets, pulling weeds and volunteering at local senior centers. At Monday's character class players were instructed to list their personal character weaknesses–and did.

Several said they now realize it's a privilege to wear their uniforms and represent their school. Senior running back Gavin Nielsen said, "This helped me realize, it's not all about football."

Thumbs up for parents and the community for supporting the coach. And yes, the team will play in that homecoming game.

Like a wise parent, Coach Labrum provided "tough love" along with tender love

Real life is more than football, too. More than winning awards. More than appearance or talent or cleverness or being an honor student. More than getting into the "best" colleges or making a lot of money.

Parents brag about these things, but they're not what matter most.

Otherwise we wouldn't see a steady news parade of individuals with "all the advantages" who are a mess, living out empty lives.

How do we help our kids develop right attitudes?

It starts with helping our kids grow strong from the inside out. Strong enough to make it through life even when they're away from us.

Strong enough to do the right thing, even when everyone else is doing wrong.

It takes loving them with our whole hearts. That's the easy part. The hard part is setting clear limits–and enforcing them. Every time.

Keeping that balance often feels like trying to walk a tightrope and know we need help. We'll find it if we ask. No fancy words needed. A simple, "Help me, Lord, please," is quite enough.

The sooner we start, the better. If we follow through every time, our kids soon figure out Mommy means business and they may as well obey the first time.

Finding our way through

Our call as moms is to help our children grow into people ready to live without us. That often feels like two steps forward and one step back.

It's not all about us.

A solid base of faith and being involved in a strong church which teaches Bible Truth can make all the difference. Here we'll make friends among people who share our values. So will our kids.

Children who know Jesus loves them feel more secure in a harsh world. Knowing their Best Friend is always with them is way better than a cuddly teddy bear.

As youngsters grow into adolescence hanging with Christian kids who support them in making right choices can aid our teens in staying on-track.

The Bottom Line

Being a parent takes all we have and then some. We walk in faith and pray every step of the way.

I used to think that meant I was weak.

Now I know it's exactly the right position to be in.

Lovingly,

Lenore

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September 27, 2013
When sweet, wholesome Hannah Montana becomes Miley Cyrus, what's a mother to do?

If you've been anywhere near a TV or your computer, you couldn't escape seeing shots of Miley Cyrus' performance at the MTV awards show. By all reports it was the opposite of sweet and wholesome.

For years hordes of young girls adored squeaky clean Hannah Montana and so did their moms. So when squealing girls clamored for Hannah Montana lunch boxes and T shirts and all manner of clothing items and accessories moms and dads gladly shelled out hard-earned cash.

What happened, anyway?

First, Miley Cyrus is not the first Hollywood type to disappoint and I'm pretty sure she won't be the last. She craved attention and she got it.

Second, actors act, remember? Hannah Montana was a character created by script writers and carefully maintained by the "Hannah Montana Industry."

Since we can't ignore this, why not seize upon it?

Instead of panic, why not use this for good?

Assume your kids have seen Miley's MTV performance, or at least bits of it, even if they haven't mentioned it.

Remind them that most of what we watch on-screen is acting, or at least, people reading from a script using a teleprompter.

Anyone who ever watched a filming knows contestants are instructed to be entertaining that is, loud. Even audience members clap and cheer when told to.

From now on your kids will be less gullible viewers of TV and movies. That's a good thing.

Star role models have only temporary clout

Researchers frequently interview teenagers and college students, asking who in their lives has been their greatest and most lasting influence.

Results never vary. By an overwhelming majority young people name their mothers and/or their fathers.

Let this sink in deep: You are your children's role model. For life.

Even if they argue with you. Even when they seem to reject everything you say to them. Even though they tell you they can't wait to leave home.

Sometimes that's hard to remember when our child wanders off on a tangent that may last awhile. Then we remind ourselves the end of their story has not yet been written and keep praying.

Every day we leave footprints on tomorrow

Always, what our kids see us do and hear us say matters more than our careful instructions on how to live and act. (That's true even when our children are grown.)

If we're looking for how-tos, the Apostle Paul always gives good advice. Here's a snippet from Ephesians 4:29 and 32 (NIV.)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen . . . Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

That's not a bad model for you and me within our own family, is it?

Each family will live it their way and that's okay. God creates one-of-a-kinds, remember?

Learning, too,

Lenore

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September 12, 2013
Am I excited? You betcha.

The longest pregnancy in the history of the world is about to end. Delivery date is near, about June 7th, and I'm getting anxious to hold my "baby" in my arms, um, hands. I already know this one will not look a bit like my husband or me.

But anyone who takes a good long look will know she's mine.

Maybe you already guessed I'm talking about my new book. Want a sneak peek at the cover? Here she is–and I think she's beautiful.

She has a rather long name. Godly Moms: Strength from the Inside Out.

This "baby" came to be because I love being a mom and I've known so many great moms.

Somehow these days being a mother seems to get less respect. Think of that expression, "I'm just a mom."

As if. As if any mom is "just" anything.

During the growing-up years of our four girls, I wasn't sure. Now I have a longer perspective. We moms leave our imprint on our children, sure, but also on generations yet to be born.

That's not a "just!"

Now I know by experience as well as by faith that when we struggle and stumble and pray, "Help me, please!" God hears. He helps us through.

Godly Moms is the book I yearned for, but never found

This is my fifth book, but the first time I've had such a clear sense I had to write it.

That's because I talk to many moms, wonderful moms, who are trying with all that's in them to be good mothers. They often feel so immersed in motherhood they fear they're losing who they are and imagine any flunkie could do what they do.

I well remember that feeling.

Now I know for sure that being a mom matters more than any mom ever knows while she's in the middle of the hectic years and falling into bed every night, exhausted.

My passion is for moms to understand this in-the-midst, rather than later on as they look back.

In my small way I want this book to provide the reassurance I so much longed to have.

A mom has lasting influence

What's more, we get to choose whether that will be positive or negative.

God puts us moms and our children together. That's just as true for mothers who adopt and with stepmoms.

Someone reading this is saying, "You wouldn't talk that way if you had my child. That kid is driving me crazy!"

Oh yes I would. I walked that same stormy path for years and prayed for strength all day, every day. That's why I read and studied about parenting and family relationships, which turned out to be a great blessing.

At the time I didn't realize how much I was growing within myself and in faith and knowledge. You might say our daughters provided me with an ongoing personal growth program and I wouldn't trade those years for anything. Truly, I thank God for them–and for our family.

Godly Moms: Strength from the Inside Out. What's that all about?

Maybe it sounds intimidating to you. Not to worry.

A "godly mom" is a Christian mom who teaches her children to love Jesus and treats them with love, kindness and encouragement.

"Strength from the inside out" means she knows the source of the help and strength it takes to rear children. She wants her kids to know that same inner strength and possess it as well.

It's as 2 Corinthians 3:5 ((ESV) puts it:

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.

By the way, that verse applies to me writing Godly Moms, too. I await its "birth" with a thankful and humble heart and pray it will be a blessing.

With love from another mom,

Lenore

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May 15, 2013
What prompts the question is a news story in the March 31 edition of The Sacramento Bee.

A local child care center, Tot Town, recently celebrated its 60th anniversary. Ownership has changed over the years, but their philosophy remains the same.

"I tell parents to put their hands behind their backs," says Nancy Ennis, one of the owners, "and let these kids do it (for themselves.)"

At Tot Town, teachers stress independence, so little ones pour their own milk and hang up their own coats.

Here youngsters are treated to "positive discipline." Ennis says they love and respect kids, but expect them to do things in a certain way. Good behavior is rewarded.

One favorite saying is worth adoption in every family: "You get what you get and don't throw a fit."

Teachers are caring, but firm. If a child is reminded how to act and
doesn't, a teacher or helper takes him or her to another activity. "We
don't stand them in a corner or do timeouts," she says. "We redirect."

The philosophy here hasn't changed for sixty years. Graduates frequently stop by for a visit and gaze fondly on old playground equipment. Local graduates who become parents return to enroll their children in the School, so their kids, too, can learn "the Tot Town way."

Timeless truths have a way of surviving

I read the account with a smile because it echoes what I came to believe myself. As a young mom who often felt overwhelmed, I made a lot of mistakes. I talked too much, for example.

But I'm teachable. Here are some things I wish I'd known before rather than after. (They apply equally at any age past infancy.)

Be clear, but brief.

Quietly repeat what you said as often as necessary. Unless you've changed your mind, stick with what you said the first time.

Don't argue. (It takes two to keep it going, remember?)

Explain your reasoning if your child asks why, but recognize it's okay to revert to, "Because I said so," now and then.

If you set clear limits and stay consistent, your kids will feel more secure and know what they can count on. (That's as true for preteens and teens as for preschooolers.) Yes, they'll moan you're too strict. Fuggeddaboudit.

Remind yourself you're the mom. It's okay to act like you're the one in charge.

You're not in this alone

Any time you feel your confidence wavering, remember God gave you your children and if you ask, He will guide you.

Here's a favorite verse for when you feel all churned up. It's John 14:27, where Jesus promises His followers His peace:

(Jesus said) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Life is good, being a mom is good and all will be well.

Love,

Lenore

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April 3, 2013