Category: Family

My apologies for what's been occupying this space these past few days. I just realized my last piece–which was not ready–accidentally got posted. Hope you'll give me another chance although being human, I can't promise it won't happen again. Here's the rest of that post in finished form.

Do you read to your children? Regularly? Good for you!

Start about the time your baby reaches six months, says The American Academy of Pediatrics. According to their website, this helps stimulate brain development. Reading together also strengthens the bond between parent and child.

Teachers say they can tell which kids have parents who read to them. These youngsters do better with reading and with language.

Vocabulary skills improve because children hear different words from those commonly spoken at home and on the playground. Think Dr. Seuss. Kids love to roll silly-sounding words around on their tongues. Youngsters figure out the meanings of occasional big words and comprehension improves. Their storehouse of language enlarges, as well as understanding and ease with words.

Once kids learn to read on their own, parents are off the hook, right? Wrong.

What better way for children to get better at reading than to read aloud to Mommy or Daddy? You may agonize as you listen to your darling read s-l-o-w-l-y. Hang in there. Consider it part of the package. You're fostering an essential skill that will help your children, throughout school and all of life. When an individual cannot read, that person faces a handicap in every area of life.

Begin early and visit your public library often. Attend preschool story-times. Help your kids pick out story books geared to their ages. Branch out beyond Disney and Big Bird. If you don't, little ones stay fixed on images already seen and heard onscreen, rather than imagining their own. (Don't we adults do the same?)

Once your kids can read, let them choose their own books. Allow a lot of freedom, but scan their choices before check out. Once in a rare while you may spot a book that makes you uncomfortable. Before you yank the book, find a quiet corner and talk about your reservations. If the summer doldrums afflict your children, be sure not to miss summer reading programs and contests–or set up your own.

Expose your youngsters to the daily newspaper, too. Read a few selected comics to them, letting them see the drawings that accompany what you read. Soon they'll be hunting down those comic strips on their own. Whet their appetite for news stories by reading aloud amusing incidents that get reported.

All of this helps your kids develop a curiosity and an awareness about the world they live in. Now and then they'll ask you to explain some term that's foreign to them. Be glad. You'll gain insights into their thinking. Ask whether they agree or disagree with what they just read. Listen patiently as they try to express themselves. Within the safe family setting children practice how to think and to state their opinions reasonably.

Will this introduce them to subjects they might be over their heads? Sometimes. Usually they'll pass over such things. If they question, use the opening to discuss and help them lay down a solid foundation for how they see life. They'll need that more with every passing year.

Most of all, let your children see you reading and enjoying it. Talk about what you are reading. As always, what they see you do outweighs what you tell them to do.

Count on it.

God bless,

Lenore

Question for you: How do you (or did you) encourage your child to read?

Why reading to–and with–your children bears good fruit

June 30, 2009
This feels like a season of milestones, doesn't it? One school year ends, and kids move up a grade. Young people put on caps and gowns and march solemnly, stepping in time to (what else?) "Pomp & Circumstance."

Life is full of milestones, although often we don't recognize them at the time.

Last night we did. My husband and I proudly watched one of our grandsons graduate from high school. On a beautiful June evening we sat in a stadium packed with joyful parents and exuberant family members and friends. Judging from the noise levels, excitement reigned. The general attitude seemed to be, "We/They made it!"

Twelve years of education and hard work lie behind these high school graduates. Twelve years of Mom and Dad doing what moms and dads do, keeping an eye on things, loving their child, holding it all together.

Watching that crowd of bright, talented young people brought a lump to my throat. The future stretches before them, filled with promise and opportunity they can't foresee.

Graduations, however, always feel a touch bittersweet. As one of last night's speakers put it, "Now our years together come to an end."

Yet the flip side of this "ending" also is a beginning.

What we call an ending often ushers in the beginning of something not yet seen and more wonderful than we can imagine.

I'm newly aware of that right now. I recently spent time with an old friend who's in Hospice care. Following surgery and treatment for a malignant brain tumor, she's unable to speak more than two or three words. Her eyes and her typically beautiful smile, however, speak volumes, so she still communicates.

When I think of her and her husband, who has adored her since she was a teenager, I ache with sadness for them. Not so long ago their future stretched ahead of them and they dreamed wonderful dreams together. Now they can only look into each other's eyes and hold each other's hands every chance they get, hungry to hang on, yearning to freeze time and capture the moment.

Yet peace shines from their eyes and radiates from their body language.

Before them lies an ending, you say. Not really, not for these two. They both believe in Jesus and have built their marriage and raised their children in Him. So they know they'll be together again. They believe one's last breath on earth is one's first breath in Heaven.

One day my friend will "graduate" from earth. Before her will stretch a beautiful world the rest of us can't see…yet.

We'll call it an "ending," but for her, it will be just the beginning. She'll be "movin' on up!" for real.

And we will rejoice through our tears, just as we did at that graduation last night.

Blessings,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed!

Of endings…and beginnings

June 10, 2009
"We had such a wonderful life," the weeping husband told the counselor. "A good marriage, beautiful children, and we did everything right. At least, we thought we did. But now, now…What am I supposed to do now?"

The counselor, known by all to be warm and caring, listened awhile. His response sounds shocking at first. "What I hear you saying is that someone ruined your Camelot."

Remember Camelot? Flowers always bloomed and the sun always shone. Brave knights rescued every maiden in distress. Ladies in lovely gowns sipped tea and cakes, yet never had to boil or bake. Who wouldn't want to live in such a magical, mystical, mythical place?

Except we don't. We live in the real world, with real people.

More times than I want to admit, I forget that and set myself up for disappointment. Then like that weeping father, I grieve the loss of my dream and my self-image as much as anything.

Then what do we do? We love the sinner(s), as the counselor advised that dad to do, as God loves us. We take our pain to God, until finally we can leave it there.

Camelot would be a lovely place to visit, I suppose. But I wouldn't trade the joys and challenges of relating to real people.

How about you?

Blessings,

Lenore

Agree or disagree? Your comments welcomed! (Just click on the word, "Comments" in the small print at the end, then follow directions.)

Who ruined your Camelot?

April 3, 2009
    That sounds like a pointless statement, I suppose … or maybe wishful thinking. Yet isn't that what we all long to do, from the day our children are born?

    Becoming a parent is like tapping into a vein of miracles. What parent hasn't fixated on tiny fingers and toes, imagining the future of our children? That miracle never stops, because all through their childhood years we marvel as we watch our kids change and develop.

    Some of us start off on this adventure feeling confident. After all, we've read stacks of books and observed all the ways other moms and dads mess up. We have no doubt we can avoid all those pitfalls. As a friend put it, "The only time I had all the answers on how to raise kids was before we had any."

    New parents often burst with pride. Others panic, afraid they're not ready. One new mom said, "I feel like I've been appointed 'it' for everything in my child's life!"

    Actually, that's not so far from the truth. After we become parents it's up to us to provide TLC, food, shelter and guidance, 24/7. Which one of us ever feels ready for that?

    Before long we realize we have more questions than answers. That state-of-mind turns out to go on all through our children's growing-up years, even though we're growing and stretching, too.

    So how do we "bless our children?" We give them what every human being longs for: the sense of being accepted and loved without ifs, ands, or buts. Some of us have experienced that and possess an inner security our entire lives. When we haven't, we may spend our lives trying to live up to what we think our parents wish we were.

    Most of us would judge that freedom to be a lifetime gift, but how do we give it?

    It seems to me it's more than just saying, "I love you," over and over. We also study each child, not just their behavior, but their strengths and weaknesses. (If one or more of your children seems out-of-sync with you, or challenges you, welcome to a very large club.) As we do that we're more able to cooperate with who they are, the individual God made them to be.

   How do we "cooperate?" Imagine you want to play an instrument. You don't make music with a violin by blowing on it and you can't play a clarinet with a bow. Even gifted performers still need to respect the inherent qualities and capabilities of their instrument. So they study and they learn and they practice until they can bring out its music.

    No two kids are alike, not sisters or brothers, not even twins. Each of us is one-of-a-kind. We bless our children when we allow them be who they are and find ways to help them develop the "music" inside themselves. To do that we keep on learning and growing–and praying–so we can parent them in ways that fit with who they are.

    By now you're wondering if my husband and I always followed this excellent way as we reared our four girls. We loved them dearly, and we tried with all our hearts and all our might, but we failed in lots of ways. We still do. Why? I've never found a better explanation than the Pennsylvania Dutch saying I spotted on a hearts-and-flowers wooden plaque:

"We get too soon old and too late smart."

     Parenting turns out to be a lifetime growth opportunity. Who knew? So we start where we are, taking a good, long look at our children and ourselves. If we feel in over our heads, we seek out guidance. That may be a trusted, comfortable friend with older children, one who can mentor us and give us a wider perspective. It may be our pastor or a counselor that's been recommended. (First take time to check and be sure the lives of people you turn to stack up with what you want for your own.)

    We give our kids a solid place to start from when they know we value them as individuals. Of course we need to plant the other good stuff, too, for balance. Is this easy? Almost never. Yet I've found that God is faithful to supply us with fresh strength for each day. One more thing. As we help our youngsters develop into the people God made them to be, we're doing the same for ourselves.

   Through the days of this year, let's do more than speak our blessings to our children and families. Let's be a blessing, as well.

   When you doubt your capacity, remember that our needs never outstrip His supply!

    Lenore

    Agree or disagree? Your comments welcomed!

A New Year’s resolution for mothers: I will bless my children this year … and all their lives through

January 6, 2009
    Have you ever watched someone come alive while listening to music? I have, just the other day …

    For the second time in a week our community chorus sang at a local retirement and assisted-living facility. Just the week before we had presented our two annual Christmas concerts. to appreciative audiences. But it always feels a bit anti-climactic to work on music for months, then finally perform it, and poof! it's over. So when we do appearances like this we enjoy the opportunity to sing again the music we love doing.

   It's always a treat to watch the faces of audience members, but especially this last time. Most came with their walkers or canes. Some showed up looking bored, but friendly. Some individuals sat there, listless and glum or staring vacantly, due to memory problems. And frankly, some came only because lunchtime was nearing.

    Then we began to sing and the transformation began. Faces brightened, lit by smiles. When our director asked them to sing along on familiar Christmas songs, they did. Even the ones from the memory care unit who had been sitting there silently, oblivious to those around them, began to sing with us. At first they were timid, but their enthusiasm grew and their body language changed. Dull eyes took on a sparkle. Looking around the room it seemed everyone had perked up noticeably. Some clapped in time. Some swayed to the music, not always with the rhythms.

   After we finished, we went around the room, introducing ourselves and wishing each resident a Merry Christmas. They thanked us for coming, but really, we got the biggest blessing. We were privileged to watch as music touched something deep within and truly lit them up from the inside.

    As I drove home I thought about God's good gift of music. A child banging a wooden spoon on a kettle has a drum and often can find a rhythm. So can an eighty-something like the one we sang to last year. She joyfully played her spoons–and played them in time–whenever we sang something with a beat. I remembered a friend telling how his wife, an Alzheimer's victim, nevertheless remembered the old hymns. Each day when he visited, they would hold hands and sing them together. "Those were the only times I felt as if she came back to me," he said, smiling through his tears.

    So feed that memory bank! Encourage your children or grandchildren to try out different kinds of music-making. Playing in the band. Singing in the chorus. Piano. Guitar. Let them try different things. If you're part of a church family, that's the perfect place for kids to learn and grow. Even very young children can recite their lines or sing off-key with great gusto. Nobody minds. They're family, after all, so they cheer them on. Love takes over and gives the embarrassed one a hug and a, "Don't fret. You'll do better next time."

    Through all the squeaks and squawks, patiently laugh and clap noisily. Give yourself a pat on the back for going the extra mile, too. Kids and teenagers gain poise as they make music, whether alone or in a group. When you expose your children to music, you give them a gift that's guaranteed to pay rich dividends every day of their lives. If you doubt that, just start singing or playing around an older person who seems to have lost that old-time spark. Then watch it flare again. It casts a lovely glow, even if it lasts just a little while.

    How about you? Wha Christmas music most touches your heart? Your comments welcomed!

    May you (and I) stay calm as we check off our To Do lists. Let's remember we're preparing to celebrate once again Christ-mas, the night when Hope was born.

    Lenore

Music wakes up the spirit

December 13, 2008
    Most of us do. We read the news–or we look around–and fear for our daughters and sons. We know how making wrong choices could change their lives. But it's easy to suppose we're too uninformed, so maybe it's best to "leave it to the experts."

    "Besides," one parent says to another, "today's teenagers are so much smarter than we were! I mean, they have all those sex education classes in school … And they're all so much more open than we were. They talk about everything–with all their friends. What can I possibly tell them that they don't already know? "

    True, schools offer (or require) that students attend age-appropriate sex education classes, starting before the teen years. In a typical class students will be instructed in how the body works, along with accurate terminology. They'll learn how a male and female have sex–in a variety of possible ways, sometimes along with analogies to "other animals" who mate. Straight and gay will be presented as equally normal and equally desirable.

    Youngsters will hear statistics on teen pregnancy, how it can be riskier and have a negative impact on both teen parents for life. They'll be instructed in the various means of abortion available. Using "protection" of one kind or another will be emphasized, plus risks and benefits of each. Symptoms and prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and HIV/Aids will be presented, along with the need to always wear a condom. Self-gratification will be covered. The overall tone will be that whatever they're feeling is normal and natural, whether straight or gay, and that acting on urges is okay as long as you're "responsible" and "use protection."

    You may be thinking, That just about covers it! But did you notice what's missing?

    Most teachers are dedicated and caring, but here's the thing often overlooked. Unless your daughter or son attends a Christian school, the instructor almost certainly is required to offer facts, but just as certainly is not allowed to impose any moral teaching along with it. (Perhaps something like, "use things, not people" may be said, but don't count on more.)

    That's up to each mom and dad. Although that may seem senseless, probably it's for the best. As the parent, it's your privilege to help your kids understand what to do with who they are and what they know. You can offer insights and talk with them about how this fits into the framework of your own family's faith and standards–or does not. Who better than you, fellow struggler, to teach your children about how to live?

    Obviously, "sex education" alone is not enough. Take a look around next time you're in your local shopping center. If it's like the ones I shop in, you'll see a lot of very young moms, often in pairs, pushing baby strollers. Some look happy, some don't. Once in awhile they're accompanied by a young male. Don't misunderstand, I am thankful these babies were allowed to be born! Yet these young women seem to me to provide walking evidence that "being informed" isn't enough to keep teenagersfrom short-circuiting their course through life.

    So what's a parent to do? Talk with your children, even though you feel awkward and fear they may laugh or groan. Talk, talk, talk. Seize the moment when your're watching a TV show and something makes you cringe. When you're chauffeuring your kids around. When you're cooking or cleaning up together. Pay attention to what's in their world (music lyrics, MTV, Internet sites, etc.) First, you need to be aware what your kids are exposed to. Second, you can't communicate with them if you lack a smidgen of insight into what's rattling around in their heads. Even good kids get sucked into media that would appall their parents. Those who market this stuff know how to make it appealing to young people.

    When should one start? Now! Once you have your antennae up, you'll find opportunities more often than you think. For example, suppose you spot one of those single teenage moms we mentioned before. Avoid criticism of individuals, but do ask how your child thinks this will impact the young mother and father. Talk casually about how glad you are that your children will want to be through with school and married before they start having babies. Let your daughter or son think it through and tell you how this would help an individual be more ready to be a parent. Would it be better for the child? If so, why? (Don't forget to search out examples of young people you admire, too.)

   Little everyday conversations, one upon the other, help your youngster gradually form a solid personal foundation. Your goal is that this beloved child comes to share your older-and-wiser view beforehand. That provides a basis upon which an adolescent can think through these urgent, complicated issues. Otherwise, hormones take charge.

    Can you impose this view? Nope. Are there guarantees? Never. Will you pray? Always!

    Yet all the research and polling of teenagers point to one truth: More than any teacher, more than the best pastor or youth pastor, the parent influences the child. Kids learn when parents talk with them. But they probably learn more from watching and listening as their moms and dads talk with and interact with their friends and neighbors. Young people assume that's when their parents reveal what they really believe vs. their "parent speak." (How's that for a shocker?)

    I literally wrote the book–at least, one book–on talking to one's children about sex. It's part of the Learning about Sex series published by Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis.

    Because I'm a mom who learned a lot along the way, this book features language any parent can understand. Rest assured, everything in it is based on solid medical information and Christian principles, and was checked by professionals in relevant fields. The emphasis throughout is on what Scripture teaches, that we are indeed, "fearfully and wonderfully made," and that our sexuality is God's gift, too precious to be squandered casually.

    You'll find many books available now, a number of them Christian-based. I know these Series books best, of course. They're quality books, used in many Christian schools and praised by professionals. This Fifth Edition of the Series, newly illustrated and formatted, came out in July, 2008. As with each new edition before it, I revised and updated the text in my book. I always recheck the medical information and statistics, too, to ensure that everything is current, both in the text and in the extensive Glossary. I'm thankful this book fills a need and proud of the work I've done on it. Believe me when I say that I prayed more earnestly while working on this book than on anything else I've ever written. (To order, go to www.cph.org )

    You see, like every other set of dads and moms since Adam and Eve, my husband and I did our best with what we knew at the moment. That's all any of us can do. In most places parents were expected to educate their own children about sex. We tried … and did not excel. We stumbled and stammered, too, feeling inept. We gave our children some of the available books–and we did a lot of learning ourselves.

    Believe it or not, bookstores didn't feature yard-upon-yard of parenting books, especially related to sexuality. At the time we thought ourselves more enlightened and open than our parents–and we were. That's no excuse, just a statement of fact. You may look back and think your parents didn't prepare you for adolescence. Give them a break; like you, they were only human. (Trust me, someday you'll want your oh-so-with-it children to cut you some slack, as well.)

    Here's the bottom line. Bathe your parenting with prayer. When it comes to talking about sex with your children, pray God will give you the words. Then breathe deep and jump in. Trust God to "translate" your halting speech into truth in your child's heart. Soon you'll find yourself feeling more comfortable talking to your kids about sexuality. That's a good thing, because either you help your children form a life view of sexuality and what's right and wrong, or someone else will. Always, it's your choice.

    Remember, you're not in this alone, because God loves your child even more than you. He loves it that you care–and so do I!

    Lenore

    Your comments welcomed!









Feeling tongue-tied when you speak to your kids about sexuality?

December 9, 2008
    I grew up rich … but I didn't know it. Maybe you did, too.

    Money was tight at our house all through my growing-up years. Frills were scarce, but my friends had none, either, so I considered that normal. Besides, most people we knew shared a similar life situation. More than I knew then, my father and mother shook hands with struggle every day. Through it all, they coped, mostly with a smile. I only knew that our family life revolved around the church my dad pastored, and people loved my parents.

    Like every child of every time, I remained unimpressed.

    I knew my mom and dad loved each other, they loved us and they loved God. That was bedrock and never wavered, not even when my newborn brother died, or during my mom's illnesses.

    I knew I could count on what they said. They told it like it was, even when I didn't want to hear.

    By today's standards my parents and teachers were unenlightened. They never assured me my life would be wonderful. In fact, they said to expect life to be hard, because life was hard for everyone. But, they said, but … life always would be worth the effort, worth the stumbles and failings and the starting over, and God is faithful.

    When my husband and I met, we two advantaged kids fell hard. We married, reared our daughters, and coped with … whatever. Through the predicted stumbles and starting overs, we held hands. As promised, God was faithful. Life was–and is–good.

    These days who can escape the bad news? Like everyone else we track the financial ups and downs and like most people, do some quaking and a lot of praying. Then we smile at each other, grateful for life itself and each day we share. We remind each other of what's important: We are rich … in all the ways that matter. God is good.

    How about you? How rich are you–in all the ways that matter?

    Take a few moments to inventory your fortune. Maybe your childhood memories hurt. Then leave it behind and concentrate on providing your own children with a legacy. May you be rich!

    Lenore

    Your comments welcomed!!











Maybe you’re richer than you think

November 23, 2008
    We're living in a time when it seems all the news is bad, not to mention scary. Most people I know feel poorer, a lot or a little, and less sure of what their future holds. Some judge there's less to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

    So here's a reality check for all of us, a gentle reminder to re-evaluate our thinking.

    Yesterday I crossed paths with a casual friend whom I hadn't talked with for months. His face revealed the anguish in his heart as he told about his granddaughter, who m he always described as a talented teenage dancer and athlete. This girl, while playing the "safe sport" soccer, experienced a freak accident. Great doctors, top-notch treatment, a loving and supportive family. Now the photo he shows pictures this beautiful young woman wearing leg braces, seated in a wheelchair. By definition she is a "quadriplegic incomplete," because she retains limited movement of her arms. That's her life … for life, at least by medical predictions.

    My heart went out to him, of course. Maybe you know what else I was thinking: That could be one of ours! Oh, Lord, thank you that it wasn't! (Perhaps you just had the same thought.)

    That encounter was like the proverbial plank to the donkey's head, remindingng me what I truly value most in life: the people I love. So let's turn away from the haranguing and fear-talk that clamors all around. When we add up the totals, let's make another list. Instead of centering on what's missing in our lives, real or perceived, let's open our eyes to what is … and give thanks.

    For a refresher course, read Psalm 103. I just did and was reminded how rich I really am.

    Lenore

    How about you? Your comments welcomed!

Before thinking too much is lost, take another look at your life

November 20, 2008
    We spent last Saturday watching high school bands on parade. What fun! Our two youngest grandchildren are part of their high school's marching band, and their band marched in a "Band Spectacular" in a nearby town. This photo is not of their band, but believe me, last Saturday all the kids from all those bands were stepping high and looking proud!

    I came away thinking how much youngsters get out of learning to play their instruments and from being part of a band. For starters, here are some of them.

    Think about it. *They learn to be under authority and to follow directions. *They learn to cooperate with others. *To put the good of the group ahead of what they personally want at the moment. *To concentrate on several things at once. *To follow the director's lead and be alert for instant changes. *To read the music and play their part of the composition. *To listen, so they don't get ahead or behind the rest of the group. *To do all of the above while simultaneously fingering/blowing/plucking/strumming/tapping/drumming, etc. *Members of marching bands must do all of the above with their music memorized, while also putting down the right foot, at the right time, in lock step with the rest of the band.

    That's a lot to be gained from something that's also fun. Think how that kind of training and the useful skills developed can translate into the rest of life.

    Good for you if your kids are involved in music! Maybe they're just beginning to learn their instrument. That means you're sentenced to squeaks and squawks, or incessant drumming, or the playing of musical scales. In the midst of the din, smile and pat yourself on the back. You're giving your youngsters a gift that will last them for life–and enrich every day. (By the way, don't forget to thank the music teachers and the band's director once in awhile.)

    So hang in there when you're toting and chauffeuring your young people and their gear all over the place!

    Lenore

    Your comments welcomed! Any band stories to share?







Three cheers for music and school marching bands

October 20, 2008
    Quick, now! No time to think! If you had five minutes to evacuate your home, what would you want to take with you?

    Did you answer, "The people I love?" Me, too. In California we're in fire season most of the year, especially when we're in drought as we are now. We've seen the news reports. We know people just like us can be threatened by raging infernos that can leap across valleys and eight-lane freeways, or by floods that wash away neighborhoods. We all dread even thinking that we could be caught in a scenario like that.

    But it's good if we do so once in awhile, just to help us stay balanced in how we view life. Think of the many individuals who have faced such disasters. We see them afterward, when they're interviewed. They all echo the same thought: "Our family is safe and that's all that matters. Somehow we'll get through this."

    If that's true for adults, how much more for children. Whatever may be going on in your family, remember one thing: To a child, Mom and Dad are security. So even if your family income drops, don't tie yourself up in knots with fear and guilt. Don't imagine that you're cheating your children. Your kids look at you and feel safe. That matters more than the extras.

    Maybe you're waking up in the night, worrying about this economic news or possible lay-offs where you work. It helps to turn your thoughts back to what really matters. You may be living in tough–or tougher–times right now, and you don't see the end yet. Tempers may fray, moods may drop, the family may get tired of eating beans. But if you know the people you love most are okay, give thanks. If everyone is well, give thanks and celebrate! You possess everything that matters most.

    After all, if "things" brought happiness, everyone who's rich and famous would be ecstatic … all the time. I haven't noticed that's true, have you?

    So look into the faces of those you love, who love you back, and be at peace.

    Remember, life itself is the gift!

    Lenore

    Your comments welcomed!





What would you do if…..?

October 14, 2008