Category: Family

When sweet, wholesome Hannah Montana becomes Miley Cyrus, what's a mother to do?

If you've been anywhere near a TV or your computer, you couldn't escape seeing shots of Miley Cyrus' performance at the MTV awards show. By all reports it was the opposite of sweet and wholesome.

For years hordes of young girls adored squeaky clean Hannah Montana and so did their moms. So when squealing girls clamored for Hannah Montana lunch boxes and T shirts and all manner of clothing items and accessories moms and dads gladly shelled out hard-earned cash.

What happened, anyway?

First, Miley Cyrus is not the first Hollywood type to disappoint and I'm pretty sure she won't be the last. She craved attention and she got it.

Second, actors act, remember? Hannah Montana was a character created by script writers and carefully maintained by the "Hannah Montana Industry."

Since we can't ignore this, why not seize upon it?

Instead of panic, why not use this for good?

Assume your kids have seen Miley's MTV performance, or at least bits of it, even if they haven't mentioned it.

Remind them that most of what we watch on-screen is acting, or at least, people reading from a script using a teleprompter.

Anyone who ever watched a filming knows contestants are instructed to be entertaining that is, loud. Even audience members clap and cheer when told to.

From now on your kids will be less gullible viewers of TV and movies. That's a good thing.

Star role models have only temporary clout

Researchers frequently interview teenagers and college students, asking who in their lives has been their greatest and most lasting influence.

Results never vary. By an overwhelming majority young people name their mothers and/or their fathers.

Let this sink in deep: You are your children's role model. For life.

Even if they argue with you. Even when they seem to reject everything you say to them. Even though they tell you they can't wait to leave home.

Sometimes that's hard to remember when our child wanders off on a tangent that may last awhile. Then we remind ourselves the end of their story has not yet been written and keep praying.

Every day we leave footprints on tomorrow

Always, what our kids see us do and hear us say matters more than our careful instructions on how to live and act. (That's true even when our children are grown.)

If we're looking for how-tos, the Apostle Paul always gives good advice. Here's a snippet from Ephesians 4:29 and 32 (NIV.)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen . . . Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

That's not a bad model for you and me within our own family, is it?

Each family will live it their way and that's okay. God creates one-of-a-kinds, remember?

Learning, too,

Lenore

Related articles

Do your kids a favor and tell them life is not fair

Are we doomed to repeat the bad habits of our parents?

Why banishing a couple of words can bring big rewards at home
Which role models will your kids follow? You might be surprised

September 12, 2013
Twenty-four hour news sounds good, but there seems to be no escape.

The bad always outweighs the good, because every journalist knows that bad news sells.
It becomes the background noise of our life and fear seeps into our subconscious.

Think of the past few months. We can tune out faraway places, but what of the terror that comes closer to home?

Movie-goers get mowed down in a Colorado theatre. School children in Newtown. Every school and college is on high alert, because some lone shooter may be ready to open fire.

Then comes another Boston Marathon and what promised to be life returning to normal, even if just for a day. Then comes more horror. Bombs, killings and a major American City locked down in fear until the remaining shooter is found.

Next a solid, unexciting fertilizer plant suddenly explodes in a quiet town in Texas. The blast kills at least 14 people and injures 200 or more, devastating a large section of West, population 2,500.

That's Life in Twenty-first Century America

Parents fear for their children. Schools are on high alert.

Experts say to proect kids from viewing the violence. Parents ask how to do that when there's nothing else on television and every break carries a "teaser" for the news.

How do we reassure our children when we're quaking inside? Where do we dredge up confidence when we have none left to give?

The real question is, How do we live with this?

I have no answers on my own, but I know where to look.

In the Bible, of course. Hope and comfort thread through it from beginning to end. Take Psalm 121 for example, here from the New American Standard Bible:

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord willprotect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this day forward.

Let's take our cues from the Word instead of the news

Imagine if we read or spoke those words every morning instead of turning on the news to see what's happening now.

Suppose every night at bedtime we quietly repeated these beautiful words to our children. Before long they'll be speaking them with us. Instead of saying, "Have a good day," we could let this blessing echo in the minds of our families.

The point is if we regularly take in fear, we live out fear. Some of us have internalized this constant low-level anxiety for so long we think it's normal.

It's even worse for children, because they don't understand it and feel even more powerless than adults.

That's not the way we're meant to live.

In case you wonder, yes, I struggle with this, too. I can build a whole scenario on "What if . . . ?"

(I'm a writer, remember?)

Events of the past week remind us again that life holds risks and earthly protection sometimes fails. Our security rests in the One who watches over us and neither slumbers nor sleeps.

So we can live–and sleep–in peace.

Growing along with you and trusting the One who keeps us,

Lenore

Related articles

What's "good" about Good Friday?

So you have a strong-willed child? Rejoice!

How do we stay strong in shaky times?

April 23, 2013
What prompts the question is a news story in the March 31 edition of The Sacramento Bee.

A local child care center, Tot Town, recently celebrated its 60th anniversary. Ownership has changed over the years, but their philosophy remains the same.

"I tell parents to put their hands behind their backs," says Nancy Ennis, one of the owners, "and let these kids do it (for themselves.)"

At Tot Town, teachers stress independence, so little ones pour their own milk and hang up their own coats.

Here youngsters are treated to "positive discipline." Ennis says they love and respect kids, but expect them to do things in a certain way. Good behavior is rewarded.

One favorite saying is worth adoption in every family: "You get what you get and don't throw a fit."

Teachers are caring, but firm. If a child is reminded how to act and
doesn't, a teacher or helper takes him or her to another activity. "We
don't stand them in a corner or do timeouts," she says. "We redirect."

The philosophy here hasn't changed for sixty years. Graduates frequently stop by for a visit and gaze fondly on old playground equipment. Local graduates who become parents return to enroll their children in the School, so their kids, too, can learn "the Tot Town way."

Timeless truths have a way of surviving

I read the account with a smile because it echoes what I came to believe myself. As a young mom who often felt overwhelmed, I made a lot of mistakes. I talked too much, for example.

But I'm teachable. Here are some things I wish I'd known before rather than after. (They apply equally at any age past infancy.)

Be clear, but brief.

Quietly repeat what you said as often as necessary. Unless you've changed your mind, stick with what you said the first time.

Don't argue. (It takes two to keep it going, remember?)

Explain your reasoning if your child asks why, but recognize it's okay to revert to, "Because I said so," now and then.

If you set clear limits and stay consistent, your kids will feel more secure and know what they can count on. (That's as true for preteens and teens as for preschooolers.) Yes, they'll moan you're too strict. Fuggeddaboudit.

Remind yourself you're the mom. It's okay to act like you're the one in charge.

You're not in this alone

Any time you feel your confidence wavering, remember God gave you your children and if you ask, He will guide you.

Here's a favorite verse for when you feel all churned up. It's John 14:27, where Jesus promises His followers His peace:

(Jesus said) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Life is good, being a mom is good and all will be well.

Love,

Lenore

Related articles

So you have a strong-willed child? Rejoice!

Why not communicate in real time with real people?

For 60 years, Sacramento's Tot Town has helped kids become independent

What's "good" about Good Friday?
Do children thrive best with more help or less help?

April 3, 2013
You probably remember last week's news story from Cranston, Rhode Island, where the High School principal banned the traditional Father-Daughter Dance.

It started when a mother complained, "My daughter does not have an active father in her life, so she can't attend. "It's not fair!"

This same school district lost a court fight last January, so officials were skittish. They knew this one, too, might run up to several hundred thousand dollars in legal fees and court costs. They caved.

Now at Cranston High, no more "gender-discriminatory" activities such as annual Father-Daughter Dances or Mother-Son Baseball Games, even though most students–and parents–previously looked forward to them.

The ACLU commended the District for banning such "inappropriate" activities.

Recapping the earlier case

Another girl complained, "This school has a prayer mural painted on the auditorium wall. "I'm an atheist and don't believe in God, so it's not fair!"

When the school refused to remove it, mother and child went to the ACLU. They sued–and won.

Now a canvas covers this mural. Except for its beginning, "Our Heavenly Father," and its ending, "Amen," this reads like any school's code of good conduct.

No mom or dad needs to go to Rhode Island to hear, "It's not fair!"

Every child is born thinking, It's all about ME.

Part of our job as parents is to help our kids grasp at an early age, "Oh, no, it's not."

We're called to teach them and role-model how to deal with life and to live in society.

Some would say these Cranston incidents and rulings taught students to respect the rights of other people. Others would say these young people learned something else: If you apply enough pressure and threaten to sue, you can get your own way.

Similar practices exist in many schools, as well as in sports activities

Most of us probably remember teachers marking mistakes on our papers with their red pencils and giving letter grades. When we wailed to our parents we didn't get much sympathy. They told us, "Well, study more and work harder and you'll get better grades next time."

These days many schools avoid giving letter grades because it makes some kids unhappy. Teachers avoid red pencils because red looks, well, too harsh.

Once winners in sports and contests got trophies and ribbons at the end of the season. Non-winners complained, but parents and coaches would tell them, "That's life. Not everyone wins. You'll do better if you practice more and get tougher. Practice makes perfect."

Somewhere along the line experts–and moms–decided this kind of talk might injure self-esteem. Now every child gets an identical award, which is thought to be kinder and gentler.

But is it, really?

Hothouse plants wilt easily when exposed to weather

Even though they look luxuriantly healthy, such plants are inherently weaker. They need exposure to the elements to toughen up so they won't wilt when the sun shines hot or the winds blow.

Children and teens are much the same. Sure, we mean to be loving when we aim to shelter them from pain. But that deprives youngsters of experiencing what makes them stronger, ready for life on their own.

Few professors or bosses are impressed by the words, "It's not fair!"

So our best way of showing love to our growing children and teens is to allow them to experience the normal ups and downs of life before they leave home. That's when we're right there, ready to give them a hug and say what feeds their strength, "Aw, c'mon now. You'll live. Next time you'll be wiser and you'll handle yourself better. Now go get 'em!"

To me it comes down to what Jesus said in Luke 6:31:

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

AS we would have them do. None of us would willingly choose to be on the receiving end of what makes us weaker.

Don't we owe our children the same?

Agree or disagree?

Learning along with you,

Lenore

Do your kids a favor and tell them life is not fair

September 25, 2012
We moms pray for our kids all their lives, that God would keep them safe. But have you ever prayed about cinnamon?

Yep. Turns out it has become a real danger for preteens and teens.

Oh, it's not the cinnamon on a yummy breakfast roll or a piece of fragrant cinnamon toast that causes problems.

Rather, it's "the cinnamon challenge," which at first sounds silly and harmless, like many acttivities that catch on with adolescents.

This one goes beyond risky to extremely dangerous.

How could common, wonderful-smelling cinnamon be a hazard? Melissa Arca, M.D., laid out the facts in her Sacramento Bee article of April 10, 2012.

According to Dr. Arca, the cinnamon challenge amounts to a public dare–and what adolescent can resist a dare? That's part of the problem. The other part is it doesn't sound particularly hazardous, even to adults. What could be so bad about swallowing a simple tablespoon of dry cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything?

Here's the catch. Cinnamon cannot be dissolved by saliva alone.

Dr. Arca says once a person has that much dry cinnamon in their mouth and tries to swallow it, gagging and choking immediately follow. What's more, the choking usually leads to vomiting and sometimes, to aspirating cinnamon into the lungs. Lung collapse may follow, or pneumonia. Some who try it even end up on a ventilator. Kids with asthma are extremely vulnerable and could experience a severe attack.

She advises immediate medical intervention, which strikes me as an unrealistic statement. What kid would try this while their pediatrician–or parent–stands nearby?

Because Dr. Arca stated that poison control centers report a recent spike in calls about the cinnamon challenge, I checked the website of the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

They AAPCC issued a press release warning dated March 28, 2012. In it they explain that powdered or ground cinnamon quickly coats the mouth and throat, which interferes with swallowing . Breathing difficulty follows and teens may unintentionally breathe the spice into their lungs. This can cause pneumonia and/or a serious attack for asthmatics.

Social media takes it viral. Again

Predictably, teens and preteens want to post "funny" videos of themselves or someone else attempting to pull it off on their cell phones or on YouTube.

That's why you can Google "the cinnamon challenge." It has its own website, Facebook page and Twitter handle.

Even Wikipedia lists "cinnamon challenge." That entry notes that cinnamon contains coumarin, a moderately toxic chemical compound. It also notes that European health agencies have warned against ingesting "large amounts" of cinnamon.

We might write this off as a fad, just more amusing antics of the young if it weren't life-threatening.

Building in strength to resist dares like these

Most parents, grandparents and caregivers already warn youngsters over and over about the need to be cautious and careful. Every day in every way.

(As you've probably noticed, kids specialize in tuning out such lectures.)

It seems to me a more hellpful strategy is to aim our efforts at helping our kids develop inner strength–and the sooner, the better. That means talking to our children from little on about making good choices. It helps if they see us living this out ourselves.

No way can we keep our kids in a cage, like exotic birds. They're growing up in the real world. Moms and dads need to equip them to live in it.

Teach them the line you probably heard from your mom:

It doesn't matter what someone else does or says, it's up to YOU to choose what you will do.

It's as true now as ever.

Talk empowerment instead of restrictions

Especially during their adolescent years, youngsters ache to belong. Some habitually look around them to see what others are doing, then mimic it. Blame it on the desire to be popular or on fear of being left out.

At any age, real strength and freedom come from within, from quietly knowing who we are and what we stand for. If our children have a faith background they'll have an advantage during adolescence. Christian kids learn early on about the difference between right and wrong. They also hear often that God loves and forgives them even when they mess up.

Helping our kids establish and rely on their inner standards is like equipping them with inner armor. Knowing what's good and right and true gives them a sure path through the hazards that lurk all through these preteen and teen years.

Hazards like the cinnamon challenge, all the things youngsters will view as fun, nothing more.

Maybe that's why we keep on praying.

Blessings,

Lenore

Moms, did you know cinnamon could be dangerous?

April 13, 2012
Most of us could use a transfusion of smiles and energy about now. So sit back, put your feet up and watch these beautiful children. You won't want to miss a move.

Even if you've seen this before, I promise it will make you smile all over again and give you an energy lift.

Fifth-graders who live in the Yupik Eskimo village of Quinhagak, Alaska, pop. 555 at the 2,000 census, put this together as a school computer project, intended for other Yupik villages in the area.

By now more than 1,200,000 people have viewed this performance of the "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's Messiah.

Take a moment to marvel at what God can do with the work of one individual.

In 1741, George Frideric Handel considered himself something of a failure. Then he composed the entire score of Messiah over a period of 24 days. He is said to have felt God gave him the music, but he could not predict how this music would endure.

He could not have imagined that 360 years later, Eskimo children in a small Alaskan village would treat us to this creative performance accompanied by a choir singing the "Hallelujah" chorus.

Tthe teacher of this class in that small Eskimo school could not foresee anyone in any other place would ever see this video.

There's a lesson here for you and me

As individuals and as moms and dads we cannot know what God will do with our work–or our child's work.

Handel composed many other musical works, but only his "Hallelujah" chorus is sung and hummed all over the world. His Messiah is performed every Christmas season by choruses and choirs in huge cities and in tiny villages on every continent. At the time he could not have guessed the value of his work.

I can't help thinking of this Bible verse.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. –Ephesians 2:10

That verse wasn't aimed only at Handel and other famous people. It speaks to you and me, too.

Think you're on a treadmill and going nowhere?

Perhaps today you question the value of your life. Maybe you're facing your first Christmas alone after losing a loved one.

If you're a mom, your family most often notices what you do when you don't do it. Put a positive spin on that. Being taken for granted also means your family knows they can count on you.

Forget looking elsewhere to find your particular "good works." You're living with them. What's more, the family life you create, the love you pour into your days will live on in your children. Every day you are coloring their lives–and their picture of life.

Joy comes from giving ourselves fully and from knowing that what we do matters, whether we see the end result or not. God is faithful. What we do in faith will live on, one way or another.

Believe it. Let that truth put fresh energy in your tired body.

Then look again at the smiles on the faces of those Eskimo school children and sing Hallelujah! in your heart.

Someone needs us, needs our kind words, needs our encouragement. Those are gifts, too.

Now, let's enjoy this wonderful Christ-mas season of giving ourselves,

Lenore

Declare a “joy break” and refresh your heart

December 16, 2011
Let's face it. Kids sniff out phoniness faster than a bloodhound after a bank robber.

Youngsters assume their observations on How Adults Really Live are way more accurate than the frequent parental blah, blah, blahs they hear.

Every day situations provide built-in object lessons that prove (to them, at least) whether we mean what we tell them.

No wonder they stay alert, ready to pick up on how Mom (and Dad) respond in one situation or another.

* A cashier gives Mommy change for a $20-dollar bill when she paid with a ten-spot.

* Mom falls for a gorgeous pair of shoes–another gorgeous pair of shoes. She leaves the bag in the car until her husband goes off to a meeting, then hides the shoes in the back of the closet. Some time later she wears them and Dad says, "New shoes?"

* A casual friend calls about going out to lunch and Mom answers, "Sorry, I'm already committed for the day," which isn't true.

* Mother takes Daughter shopping and finds the perfect prom dress, one that fits like a dream. Miracle of miracles, both of them like the same dress. On the way home reality hits. That dress cost twice as much as Mother planned and it has to go back. So she delivers the sad news. "Honey, we have to take this dress back."

Daughter replies, "Oh, no problem, Mom. I'll just tuck the price tag inside and wear the dress Saturday night. Then Monday we take the dress back to the store and you get all your money back. That's what all the girls do."

What's a mother to do?

Over and over we choose how we deal with life. Our choices determine which lessons our children take away. If our actions back up our words they learn one lesson. If not, we teach another.

Tough, but true, 24/7.

Whenever we lose heart it's good to remember that moms and dads hold a unique position, even today. In every survey teens still say their parents are the biggest influence in their lives. That means we impact the next generation, too.

Sounds to me like an honor and a privilege, reason to celebrate, every day.

How about you?

Lovingly,

Lenore

Mom’s most effective way to teach her children

May 3, 2011
If you haven't seen her interviewed yet, you will. Amy Chua, a Yale law professor and the mother of two teenage girls, wrote a book titled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. The day the book was released it shot to No. 6 on Amazon.

As a writer, that makes me drool.

Amy Chua is the daughter of Filipino immigrants with roots in China and a self-described "Tiger Mom." She lays out her description of the Eastern-style parenting she followed as a mom. No TV, no pets, no computer games. No playdates or sleepovers. Endless academic drills, with no grades under A tolerated. Nothing less than being the top in any class, except in gym and in drama. Prolonged, dedicated piano and violin practice, with no other instruments allowed.

As a Tiger Mother, when her children didn't comply, she called them "lazy" or "garbage." If they didn't follow the rules she threatened to burn their stuffed animals or give away favorite playthings, piece by piece, until they did. When they achieved–and they did, in many ways–she was at their side, supportive and proud.

To no one's surprise, critics have lined up on all sides.

Chua considers typical Western (American) parenting lax and undisciplined.

I admit I have not yet read Chua's book, only an Associated Press article. Yet I can't help contrasting what I learned over the years our four girls were growing up–and since. I agree that children benefit from knowing exactly what their parents expect of them. That is, set clear, loving, thoughtful limits–and stick to them.

But I believe even as we monitor, we back off and let our children have individual freedom within the "fences" we set up.

As for Amy Chua's insistance on tolerating no grades lower than A, I think that's both unrealistic and uncaring. That makes the grade more important than the child. I believe each child is a unique creation of God. One of a kind. One youngster naturally finds schoolwork a struggle, while another will find it a snap. As for pressing youngsters to be the best–or else–where does that leave the one who comes in second?

We paid attention, of course, to how our children were doing in school, in a low-pressure way. Perhaps my husband and I were naive–or perhaps we stumbled on a secret. Somehow we assumed our children were good kids who would study and turn in assignments on time. Our girls did well in school because they wanted to, not because my husband and I insisted they do. We almost never helped our children with their homework. (If they had flunked a test or a grading period, well, that would be what they chose to get by goofing off. Then they would have had to work it out with their teacher. We stayed in the background, but kept informed. At home we would have restricted their privileges until they were back on track.)

As for homework, our parenting style was to put them to work. If they didn't understand a word, we'd say, "Look it up, that way you'll remember it." If they struggled to find a solution for a problem, they knew our first question would be, "Did you go back and reread what came before so you have it clear in your mind?"

We reminded our girls that just as Mom and Dad had work to do, they had school work to do. That made getting their studies done their responsibility, not ours. That ensured they would feel justifiably good about themselves for following through. So did we, as proud of their character as their grades.

We believed–and counselors like Dr. Henry Cloud back it up–that a child's self-esteem stems from feeling competent, not from endless parental variations of, "You're terrific!"

Did we encourage each daughter to try out for various activities? Of course. If they found they couldn't do it or didn't want to, we gave them a hug and said, "That's okay."

Like most parents, we wanted each of our daughters to develop as individuals, to build on their strengths and to thrive, each in her own way and on her own timetable. For us what mattered was that our girls know we loved them the same, whether they reached the top or scraped the bottom.

Oh-oh. I guess that guarantees I will never make it as a Tiger Mother.

Here's a question for you. What do you think of Amy Chua's Tiger Moms theory? Did you find any points of agreement or disagreement? Why not click on "Comments" and tell us?

Joy in your journey,

Lenore

Are you a Tiger Mother? Should you be?

January 17, 2011
Rex Babin, cartoonist for the Sacramento Bee, perfectly captures the emotions felt by many of us during the amazing, God-blessed rescue of the Chilean miners.

I think it's because each of us could mentally step into the shoes of those waiting wives and family members. During the previous 69 days they shed gallons of anxious tears. Now their eyes brimmed with tears of joy and thanksgiving.

You and I have prayed for a loved one to be safe. We know what it's like to gaze into a beloved face we feared we might never see again. We know what it's like to long to hear the sound of someone's voice.

Perhaps some of those couples parted in anger that day. We have, too. We know what it's like to later wish we had said, "I love you, no matter what. I love you and I don't care what happened. I love you."

These joyful reunions remind us not to take each other for granted.

Last August 5th probably at least one or two of those Chilean wives waved from across the room or out the car window as their husbands went off to work. Another ordinary day like every other day. Ho-hum.

Except, of course, it wasn't.

We do that, too, don't we? After all, life is busy and we're in a rush. Family members have places to go and things to do. Kids go off to school. Nothing unusual about that. We'll see each other at the end of day.

Or maybe not.

Sure, mining is riskier than going off to the hardware store. But there's no escaping a shocking truth. We live with the same uncertainty as the miners who went down into the depths of earth.

Being alive is risky. Not one of us knows what any day will bring. None of us knows how many days we'll go on breathing.

So I propose we fix those Chilean reunion images in our minds and replay them often. Let them remind us to treasure our spouses and children and friends–and parents–while they're still with us. To understand that while they're not perfect, neither are we.

And let's be joyful in the moment we're living. One moment at a time is all we get and only God knows the number of our days. He wrote them in his book before we were born (Psalm 139:16.)

So with our perspectives freshly adjusted let's live out what we know. Each person we love who loves us back is a precious gift, not a given.

That's what we communicate when we say those three simple, wonderful words, "I love you."

And don't forget the hugs,

Lenore

Question for you: What story can you share with the rest of us? (Just click on "Comments" at the end and follow directions.)

Who needs to hear you say, “I love you,” today?

October 14, 2010
Hope you won't mind if I veer off-course this time, but I think it's worth it. While leafing through scribbled notes and clippings, I ran across a months-old article from the Sacramento Bee. It addresses a rather odd sign that indicates fire danger. I don't think it's common knowledge, but it's valuable information.

A woman named Kelli Wheeler wrote that her daughter's bedroom began to smell of fish, especially near the dresser. Since they had no fishbowls or aquariums, that made no sense. She installed air fresheners, which didn't help. One Saturday morning they tore everything apart in that bedroom, sniffing anything and everything, looking for something that might have crawled in there and died. Still, no luck.

She and her contractor husband checked out the HVAC vents under their 1950s house and in the attic. Nothing. The next day the smell was markedly worse. She and her husband moved the dresser out and saw nothing. But they smelled something else: smoke.

When her husband touched the outlet behind the dresser, it was scorching hot. They quickly yanked the plugs out of the socket, all of them too hot to handle.

The contractor husband, used to doing his own electrical work, dismantled the outlet. Plastic was scorched and wires melted. He recognized the cause: a loose neutral wire connected to the wall outlet, which had jiggled loose over time. Once that wire came loose it caused a spark to jump between the wires. With the smoke detector out in the hall, her daughter's bedroom would have been burning before the detector alerted them. Disaster averted, with thankful hearts all around.

The writer consulted authorities, who gave this warning. Homes built in the 1950s, through the late 1960s and into the 1970s, commonly had aluminum wiring. After years of hot and cold expansion, these wires commonly work loose. When you notice a persistent fishy smell, it's much more than an annoyance. Consider it a red flag–an emergency. This applies to ceiling fixtures as well as to wall plug-ins. Since homes usually have the same type of wiring throughout the house, the home's electrical system should be checked by a qualified electrician.

Also pay attention when lights flicker, which can mean overloaded circuits. If you get sparks when inserting or removing a plug, that's not norma. If an electrical cord is hot to the touch, don't use it. Or if a circuit breaker keeps on tripping, that's a problem.

Sorry to bring up something worrisome and surely none of us want extra expenses. These alerts, however, could be a life-saver.

Because that fishy smell is so unusual, I haven't been able to get this story out of my mind, even though it doesn't apply to our home. I pass it on to you, just in case. File it away in a corner of your mind, then keep it handy–for yourself or for someone you love.

As my grandmother used to say, "God watches out for us, but He still expects us to use our brains."

Be safe, my friends,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed! (Just click on the word "comments" in the small print at the end, then follow directions.)

Consider this a public service alert from a friend

August 17, 2009