Category: Parenting

  •     I grew up rich … but I didn't know it. Maybe you did, too.

        Money was tight at our house all through my growing-up years. Frills were scarceBlog. NY stock exchange. 11.08, but my friends had none, either, so I considered that normal. Besides, most people we knew shared a similar life situation. More than I knew then, my father and mother shook hands with struggle every day. Through it all, they coped, mostly with a smile. I only knew that our family life revolved around the church my dad pastored, and people loved my parents.

        Like every child of every time, I remained unimpressed. 

        I knew my mom and dad loved each other, they loved us and they loved God. That was bedrock and never wavered, not even when my newborn brother died, or during my mom's illnesses. 

        I knew I could count on what they said. They told it like it was, even when I didn't want to hear.  

        By today's standards my parents and teachers were unenlightened. They never assured me my life would be wonderful. In fact, they said to expect life to be hard, because life was hard for everyone. But, they said, but … life always would be worth the effort, worth the stumbles and failings and the starting over, and God is faithful. 

        When my husband and I met, we two advantaged kids fell hard. We married, reared our daughters, and coped with … whatever. Through the predicted stumbles and starting overs, we held hands. As promised, God was faithful. Life was–and is–good. 

        These days who can escape the bad news? Like everyone else we track the financial ups and downs and like most people, do some quaking and a lot of praying. Then we smile at each other, grateful for life itself and each day we share. We remind each other of what's important: We are rich … in all the ways that matter. God is good.

        How about you? How rich are you–in all the ways that matter?

        Take a few moments to inventory your fortune. Maybe your childhood memories hurt. Then leave it behind and concentrate on providing your own children with a legacy. May you be rich!

        Lenore

        Your comments welcomed!!

        

        

      

         

          

    Maybe you’re richer than you think

  •     We're living in a time when it seems all the news is bad, not to mention scary. Most people I know feel poorer, a lot or a little, and less sure of what their future holds. Some judge there's less to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

        So here's a reality check for all of us, a gentle reminder to re-evaluate our thinking.

        Yesterday I crossed paths with a casual friend whom I hadn't talked with for months. His face revealed the anguish in his heart as he told about his granddaughter, whoBlog. teenage girl looking sober.2 m he always described as a talented teenage dancer and athlete. This girl, while playing the "safe sport" soccer, experienced  a freak accident. Great doctors, top-notch treatment, a loving and supportive family. Now the photo he shows pictures this beautiful young woman wearing leg braces, seated in a wheelchair. By definition she is a "quadriplegic incomplete," because she retains limited movement of her arms. That's her life … for life, at least by medical predictions.

        My heart went out to him, of course. Maybe you know what else I was thinking: That could be one of ours! Oh, Lord, thank you that it wasn't! (Perhaps you just had the same thought.)

        That encounter was like the proverbial plank to the donkey's head, remindingng me what I truly value most in life: the people I love. So let's turn away from the haranguing and fear-talk that clamors all around. When we add up the totals, let's make another list. Instead of centering on what's missing in our lives, real or perceived, let's open our eyes to what is … and give thanks.

        For a refresher course, read Psalm 103. I just did and was reminded how rich I really am.

        Lenore

        How about you? Your comments welcomed!

    Before thinking too much is lost, take another look at your life

  •     We spent last Saturday watching high school bands on parade. What fun! Our two youngest grandchildren are part of their high school's marching band, and their band marched in a "Band Spectacular" in a nearby town. This photo is not of their band, but believe me, last Saturday all the kids from all those bands were stepping high and looking proud!

    Image1 

        I came away thinking how much youngsters get out of learning to play their instruments and from being part of a band. For starters, here are some of them. 

        Think about it. *They learn to be under authority and to follow directions. *They learn to cooperate with others. *To put the good of the group ahead of what they personally want at the moment. *To concentrate on several things at once. *To follow the director's lead and be alert for instant changes. *To read the music and play their part of the composition. *To listen, so they don't get ahead or behind the rest of the group. *To do all of the above while simultaneously  fingering/blowing/plucking/strumming/tapping/drumming, etc. *Members of marching bands must do all of the above with their music memorized, while also putting down the right foot, at the right time, in lock step with the rest of the band.  

        That's a lot to be gained from something that's also fun. Think how that kind of training and the useful skills developed can translate into the rest of life. 

        Good for you if your kids are involved in music! Maybe they're just beginning to learn their instrument. That means you're sentenced to squeaks and squawks, or incessant drumming, or the playing of musical scales. In the midst of the din, smile and pat yourself on the back. You're giving your youngsters a gift that will last them for life–and enrich every day. (By the way, don't forget to thank the music teachers and the band's director once in awhile.)

        So hang in there when you're toting and chauffeuring your young people and their gear all over the place!

        Lenore

        Your comments welcomed! Any band stories to share?

        

        

       

    Three cheers for music and school marching bands

  •     Quick, now! No time to think! If you had five minutes to evacuate your home, what would you want to take with you?

        Did you answer, "The people I love?" Me, too. In California we're in fire season most of the year, especially when we're in drought as we are now. We've seen the news reports. We know people just like us can be threatened by raging infernos that can leap across valleys and eight-lane freeways, or by floods that wash away neighborhoods. We all dread even thinking that we could be caught in a scenario like that.

        But it's good if we do so once in awhile, just to help us stay balanced in how we view life. Think of the many individuals who have faced such disasters. We see them afterward, when they're interviewed. They all echo the same thought: "Our family is safe and that's all that matters. Somehow we'll get through this." 

        If that's true for adults, how much more for children. Whatever may be going on in your family,  remember one thing: To a child, Mom and Dad are security. So even if your family income drops, don't tie yourself up in knots with fear and guilt. Don't imagine that you're cheating your children.  Your kids look at you and feel safe. That matters more than the extras.

        Maybe you're waking up in the night, worrying about this economic news or possible lay-offs where you work. It helps to turn your thoughts back to what really matters. You may be living in tough–or tougher–times right now, and you don't see the end yet. Tempers may fray, moods may drop, the family may get tired of eating beans. But if you know the people you love most are okay, give thanks. If everyone is well, give thanks and celebrate! You possess everything that matters most. 

        After all, if "things" brought happiness, everyone who's rich and famous would be ecstatic … all the time. I haven't noticed that's true, have you?

        So look into the faces of those you love, who love you back, and be at peace.

        Remember, life itself is the gift! 

        Lenore    

        Your comments welcomed!  

      

        

    What would you do if…..?

  •     The other day on a supermarket run I observed a mother with her three children, about eight to twelve years old. The kids were reading labels on cans and using a calculator. This excited trio laughed a lot as they compared notes. I heard their mom ask them, "So which one is the best value?" "How many servings per container?" "Which one is the healthiest, do you think?"

        A couple of aisles over we were next to each other again. This time she reminded them, "If we buy this item, we won't be able to buy that one we picked before. Which one do you think is the best choice for us–and why?"

        I was tempted to ask this mother whether she home-schools her children, but I didn't want to interrupt them. Those kids seemed familiar with their friendly competition–and they were keeping track of what they were purchasing. Perhaps they had been playing this game for years.

        I don't know this mom. Obviously, this kind of shopping takes more time, but I'll bet it pays dividends way beyond understanding math. Probably those kids don't spend much time complaining about some food item they don't have. After all, they're aware of the family food budget. They also know how much every food item cost and they participated in what was purchased.  

        Best of all, this mother is preparing her youngsters to live on their own one day. They're learning how to evaluate options and make wise buys on a budget. That's good training for spending decisions in other parts of life. 

        You might call it another of those gifts that keeps on giving … for life. 

        Happy parenting!

        Lenore

        What do you think? Your comments welcomed!

        

        

    The mom who teaches math at Safeway

  •     Although no one would ever call me an athlete, telecasts of the Olympics keep me up way too late every night.

       A more self-disciplined friend records the events that especially appeal to her family. Her daughters love to watch the gymnastics, over and over. They're the right age to imagine themselves on that scene, blissfully ignorant of what it costs. You'll hear Olympic athletes say, "I've dreamed of this since I was a young child."

        That dream–and loving, supportive parents–sets the wheels in motion. If you've listened to the interviews and commentary, you've heard the accounts of families moving across the country so their would-be Olympian could have the best training. One couple mortgaged their home twice to cover the costs. Their family caught Olympic fever, and it took over their life.

        I've been thinking a lot about goals. Sometimes we don't realize we're working on one, don't name it as such. But anytime we direct our efforts and energies in one direction, that's a goal. These can range from the sublime to the silly. To want to be a great mom is a great goal. To expect your kids to always make you look good is silly.

        For our kids and ourselves, the trick is to hang onto reality, but not to rain on the dream. So we search out what's achievable, what fits who we are. Not one of us is stamped out of a mold. It's unfair to think one child is like the other and look for behavior or temperament qualities as if they were. We are, each of us, created unique–and aren't you glad? We are "fearfully and wonderfully made." (Read Psalm 139 and be reassured.)

        The earlier we plug in that little truth, the happier we'll be, and so will our kids. Remembering that colors what we expect, how we evaluate each one and each situation. Or it should.

        So let's applaud the Olympic athletes, those amazing physical specimens, as well as their loving parents. But out here in the real world let's accept ourselves and our children as we are. Let's set real world goals that help us grow while keeping our feet firmly planted in reality. 

        Anything else is madness.

        Here's to appreciating who we are–and each of our children, too.

        Lenore

    Which goals are worth it for you?

  •     These past weeks I've been brain-weary, trying to put together this blog.It's been one trial-and-error after another, which seems to be my style. Of course, I made it more complicated by choosing to personalize the look of it rather than just use one of the excellent pre-designed banner templates. One of my husband's photos would be just the thing, I thought, which turned out (for this rookie) to take awhile. But finally, finally, here we are.

          The photo you see across the top gives you a sense of what we see from our back deck. We delight in watching this ever-changing panorama of sky, as well as looking over a bit of open space. My favorite trees, the huge, gnarled old oaks that drag the ground, stand sentinal, as they have for a century or more. Picture a walking trail winding through this. Occasionally small flocks of wild turkeys gobble their way across, sometimes invading backyards and strutting down the sidewalks of our little community. In the cool of the morning and at dusk our resident trio of deer may stroll the open space, enjoying nibbles of the now-dry grass. Morning to night we hear birdsong, everything from Mockingbirds to Mourning Doves.

          As we look beyond our "wildlife preserve" we see hundreds of roofs and treetops. The busy street running through guarantees background traffic noise, but we ignore that and look to the grassy hills beyond, where more ancient oaks punctuate the terrain. Off in the distance–on a clear day–we glimpse the Sutter Buttes, known as the world's smallest mountain range. If you've been to northern California, you know the look of our area.

         Each day ends with a sunset. Some sunsets, like the one you see at the top of this page, make us gasp with awe. We stand transfixed and silently watch the incredible kaleidescope shimmering before us, often forgetting to grab the camera. Always, one verse comes to mind, the only one that fits: <blockquote

    "Be still and know that I am God."   (Psalm 46:10)

        Do we know we're blessed to live here, and are we thankful? Yes. But do we always stop to drink it in? Sadly, no.

        I think that's how most of us are with life, too. We're often as blind to the wonder of our lives as to the magnificence of another sunset … or another dawn.

       Each sunrise officially signals the new day. Maybe yesterday we messed up royally, but today the slate is clean and we get a fresh, new beginning. Once more we can choose how we'll live the unsullied twenty-four hours before us.

        Some days our hearts brim with joy, while others leave us weeping. Most days we label, "just routine." Truth is, no day is routine. Like every sunrise and every sunset, each day is one-of-a-kind, with no instant replays to be had. 

        That's true with the people in our lives, too. We so easily take them for granted, especially the ones we know we can count on. We forget to say, "thank you," and sometimes we forget that love takes care and feeding, like a delicate plant that can wither and die.

        As for mothering–or any kind of working with kids, well, you know how it goes. We get caught up in all the "doing" and forget to just pause and marvel at the mystery unfolding before us. Each child is a unique creation, an individual, like no other human being on earth. Yet somehow God trusts us with this child's care and shaping and guiding, day after challenging–and rewarding–day. We're allowed to be on the scene for the miracle.

       Whatever age we are, it's worth remembering that tomorrow may never arrive. That sets the true value on today: precious. Irreplaceable. A time to savor and cherish. Something to live, not just get through.

        For me, at least, mastering this skill looks to be the work of a lifetime. But I am learning, and I'm praying for eyes to see the beauty of each day and each person in my life. I don't want to miss any part of it.

        So here's to 20/20 vision of the heart!

        Lenore Buth

    Looking out on the world