Category: Parenting

When sweet, wholesome Hannah Montana becomes Miley Cyrus, what's a mother to do?

If you've been anywhere near a TV or your computer, you couldn't escape seeing shots of Miley Cyrus' performance at the MTV awards show. By all reports it was the opposite of sweet and wholesome.

For years hordes of young girls adored squeaky clean Hannah Montana and so did their moms. So when squealing girls clamored for Hannah Montana lunch boxes and T shirts and all manner of clothing items and accessories moms and dads gladly shelled out hard-earned cash.

What happened, anyway?

First, Miley Cyrus is not the first Hollywood type to disappoint and I'm pretty sure she won't be the last. She craved attention and she got it.

Second, actors act, remember? Hannah Montana was a character created by script writers and carefully maintained by the "Hannah Montana Industry."

Since we can't ignore this, why not seize upon it?

Instead of panic, why not use this for good?

Assume your kids have seen Miley's MTV performance, or at least bits of it, even if they haven't mentioned it.

Remind them that most of what we watch on-screen is acting, or at least, people reading from a script using a teleprompter.

Anyone who ever watched a filming knows contestants are instructed to be entertaining that is, loud. Even audience members clap and cheer when told to.

From now on your kids will be less gullible viewers of TV and movies. That's a good thing.

Star role models have only temporary clout

Researchers frequently interview teenagers and college students, asking who in their lives has been their greatest and most lasting influence.

Results never vary. By an overwhelming majority young people name their mothers and/or their fathers.

Let this sink in deep: You are your children's role model. For life.

Even if they argue with you. Even when they seem to reject everything you say to them. Even though they tell you they can't wait to leave home.

Sometimes that's hard to remember when our child wanders off on a tangent that may last awhile. Then we remind ourselves the end of their story has not yet been written and keep praying.

Every day we leave footprints on tomorrow

Always, what our kids see us do and hear us say matters more than our careful instructions on how to live and act. (That's true even when our children are grown.)

If we're looking for how-tos, the Apostle Paul always gives good advice. Here's a snippet from Ephesians 4:29 and 32 (NIV.)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen . . . Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

That's not a bad model for you and me within our own family, is it?

Each family will live it their way and that's okay. God creates one-of-a-kinds, remember?

Learning, too,

Lenore

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Which role models will your kids follow? You might be surprised

September 12, 2013
That's bad grammar, I know,

but the phrase imprinted itself on my mind ever since I attended an anti-stress workshop years ago. The leader began with those words and had us repeat it after him, again and again.

It's not a bad slogan for beginning a new year, especially after a year that featured lots of what someone labeled "stinkin' thinkin" on all sides.

Borrowing from that workshop leader, I say, "Enough, already!"

If we adopted that technique it would work like this

The leader would ask, Do you think it's hopeless because you lack some essential qualities to reach your goals? He had an answer: God don't make no junk!

Are you going through a rough patch in your marriage or in your job? Well, cheer up. God brought you and your spouse together and provided that job. And God don't make no junk!

Are you feeling in beyond your depth with being a mom or a dad? Never mind. God obviously considers you able to handle it or He wouldn't have made you a parent. Besides, God don't make no junk! Count on Him to supply wisdom as you need it and strength for each day.

Do you struggle with health problems? Do you or one of your kids have physical or mental challenges and you worry about what comes next? Take heart, you'll be able to handle it, because God don't make no junk!

A look into what this means

I thought of that workshop when I watched this wonderful YouTube a friend sent. Every time I play it, I smile through a few tears.

And can you hear those words? God don't make no junk!

I suggest we adopt a new slogan for 2013, one we can pull up anytime we're feeling unsure about life or the future.

God don't make no junk–and He don't make no mistakes, either.

You and I can walk unafraid, confident we'll be able to handle whatever comes.

For proof we can go deeper than that catch phrase and turn to Bible verses like this one, Psalm 29:11:

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his peoople with peace.

"His people" includes any of us who love the Lord, so this promise is for us, too.

Thanks for stopping by, my invisible friend. Hope you found something here that blesses your heart.

Love,

Lenore

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God don’t make no junk!

January 4, 2013
You probably remember last week's news story from Cranston, Rhode Island, where the High School principal banned the traditional Father-Daughter Dance.

It started when a mother complained, "My daughter does not have an active father in her life, so she can't attend. "It's not fair!"

This same school district lost a court fight last January, so officials were skittish. They knew this one, too, might run up to several hundred thousand dollars in legal fees and court costs. They caved.

Now at Cranston High, no more "gender-discriminatory" activities such as annual Father-Daughter Dances or Mother-Son Baseball Games, even though most students–and parents–previously looked forward to them.

The ACLU commended the District for banning such "inappropriate" activities.

Recapping the earlier case

Another girl complained, "This school has a prayer mural painted on the auditorium wall. "I'm an atheist and don't believe in God, so it's not fair!"

When the school refused to remove it, mother and child went to the ACLU. They sued–and won.

Now a canvas covers this mural. Except for its beginning, "Our Heavenly Father," and its ending, "Amen," this reads like any school's code of good conduct.

No mom or dad needs to go to Rhode Island to hear, "It's not fair!"

Every child is born thinking, It's all about ME.

Part of our job as parents is to help our kids grasp at an early age, "Oh, no, it's not."

We're called to teach them and role-model how to deal with life and to live in society.

Some would say these Cranston incidents and rulings taught students to respect the rights of other people. Others would say these young people learned something else: If you apply enough pressure and threaten to sue, you can get your own way.

Similar practices exist in many schools, as well as in sports activities

Most of us probably remember teachers marking mistakes on our papers with their red pencils and giving letter grades. When we wailed to our parents we didn't get much sympathy. They told us, "Well, study more and work harder and you'll get better grades next time."

These days many schools avoid giving letter grades because it makes some kids unhappy. Teachers avoid red pencils because red looks, well, too harsh.

Once winners in sports and contests got trophies and ribbons at the end of the season. Non-winners complained, but parents and coaches would tell them, "That's life. Not everyone wins. You'll do better if you practice more and get tougher. Practice makes perfect."

Somewhere along the line experts–and moms–decided this kind of talk might injure self-esteem. Now every child gets an identical award, which is thought to be kinder and gentler.

But is it, really?

Hothouse plants wilt easily when exposed to weather

Even though they look luxuriantly healthy, such plants are inherently weaker. They need exposure to the elements to toughen up so they won't wilt when the sun shines hot or the winds blow.

Children and teens are much the same. Sure, we mean to be loving when we aim to shelter them from pain. But that deprives youngsters of experiencing what makes them stronger, ready for life on their own.

Few professors or bosses are impressed by the words, "It's not fair!"

So our best way of showing love to our growing children and teens is to allow them to experience the normal ups and downs of life before they leave home. That's when we're right there, ready to give them a hug and say what feeds their strength, "Aw, c'mon now. You'll live. Next time you'll be wiser and you'll handle yourself better. Now go get 'em!"

To me it comes down to what Jesus said in Luke 6:31:

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

AS we would have them do. None of us would willingly choose to be on the receiving end of what makes us weaker.

Don't we owe our children the same?

Agree or disagree?

Learning along with you,

Lenore

Do your kids a favor and tell them life is not fair

September 25, 2012
Why not an Olympics ceremony where parents get medals, too?

Think about it. Olympic athletes start out as kids with dreams. They get immersed in intensive training long before they can drive. Someone has to get them from home to the practice facility.

Guess who.

Mom watches and cheers from the bleachers or dozes in her car. Every day she packs lunches, hands out Gatorade and energy bars and launders smelly towels and athletic duds. Her ready supply of hugs, encouragement and consolation never runs dry.

Take Debbie Phelps, for example. The mother of Michael Phelps, winner of eight gold medals, got him into swimming when he was age seven. Every day she chauffeured him and his two older sisters, also Olympics hopefuls, back and forth to the practice facility. Holidays? Vacations? Uh-uh.

Finding this kind of focus can be a godsend

Both mother and son have talked freely about Michael's early diagnosis of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Diagnosis.) She describes the young Michael as "a burst of energy . . . a local irritant."

Swimming became his release. Michael took to swimming naturally, perhaps because he turned out to have a mind and body just right for the sport. Debbie, a divorced mom, says she simply kept him pointed in the right direction.

(Any parent of an ADHD child would understand how much courage and determination that required.)

Debbie taught school for thirty years and is the principal of a Baltimore middle school. In recent years she became something of a celebrity in her own right. She believes every child needs an outlet. It doesn't matter whether it's sports or science, music or art, or a hands-on skill of some sort. Finding the activity that fits–and fills–is key.

When Tom Brokaw interviewed Debbie Phelps in 2008 she offered three principles of parenting.

Love your kids.

Steer them in the right direction.

Give them right values.

What's missing here?

I agree with Debbie Phelps' advice, but I think she omitted what enables a parent to carry out those three principles: faith in God.

Where can we find enough love to carry on despite frustrations and difficultes?

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.     –1 John 4:17

With distractions and competing experts on all sides, how can we know which direction is "right?"

Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.     –Psalm 119:105

How can we discern which values are "right?"

Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."     –-John 8:31

People have turned to the Bible for centuries, looking for answers. And finding them.

Better than gold medals

Loving through all the ups and downs takes all we've got and then some. Eventually most faithful moms and dads earn something much more satisfying than any medal. We can't hold it in our hands or display it in a trophy case, but it's real.

The warm glow it brings starts the first time we look at our adult children and realize we not only love them, we like them.

Trust me, that's a lasting reward worth all the love and effort you give.

Love,

Lenore
When will they start giving gold medals to moms?

July 25, 2012
Young or old, every one of us needs someone to look up to.

We need heroes in our lives.

Memorial Day is all about honoring those who serve in the Armed Forces now and those who died to keep our Nation free. Certainly we can never repay them or their loved ones, so we clap and cheer, our emotions a tumble of pride, gratitude and humility.

Then we stop talking bravery and get back to normal.

What about the other 364 days of the year?

Maybe it's time we stop looking "out there."

Heroes live all around us.

They come in all ages, all sizes and all shapes. Think of military spouses who thanked God their husband or wife survived terrible injury and now pray every day for strength to keep going. Consider the mom or dad with a severely disabled child or a loved one who needs constant care. Try to imagine the anguish over what was lost. Yet every day they get up, smile and keep on showing love.

Heroes, every one. One may live next door or even under your roof.

Heroes keep their word. They hang on through hardship. They keep on loving despite disappointments and refuse to give up. They consistently affirm the good in others.Spend five minutes with them and we walk away feeling better about ourselves. Lifted up.

Children especially need heroes

From their youngest years, kids crave stability and trustworthiness. Faithfulness. Love that won't quit. Something to believe in that's as sure as sundown and sunrise. Just by being loving parents, imperfect and flawed as we all are, we fill their deepest needs. They feel safe and secure.

That continues, even through their prickly adolescenet years. Every survey says that young people still pay more attention to their parents and how they live than to any media or sports star. Even when our grown children are well into adulthood they watch us, to learn how to handle life.

That's our contuing privilege and it gives us purpose for every day we live.

It's okay to feel shaky

None of us can role-model goodness and courage every day of every year. But we can ask God's help, then go forth with trust and joy. I like this "road map:"

    Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
    Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. –Psalm 3:5-6

Let's keep praying for our military personnel

They serve our nation and they serve us. Their courage wavers, too. They get weary and weak and want to give up sometimes. They need our prayer support.

It's personal in our family. One granddaughter is on her second re-enlistment with the Navy and scheduled for a Middle East deployment. Another completed her duty with the Marines Corps after a tour in Kuwait and one near Baghdad. Like all military parents our daughter and her husband wait and worry and most of all, pray.

Others will continue to argue over the "rightness" or "wrongness" of war. Let us unite and thank God for those who serve in our Armed Forces and pray He will preserve this nation.

With love from your fellow learner,

Lenore

Looking at the heroes around us

May 27, 2012
You've probably seen that TV commercial of the mother and her college-bound daughter in the cell phone store.

Both of them talk and weep at the same time, so their words get lost. Daughter tries to reassure her "Hover Mother" they won't be out-of-touch, while the (male) clerk remains mystified. mystified.

Google "hover mothers" or "helicopter parents" and you'll find pages of reading from all over on this hot topic

Hovering starts early

One account described parents who carefully choose a safe neighborhood near schools. Then they declare it's "too dangerous" for their children to walk or bicycle to school alone. They say, "I just want to be sure you're safe, Honey."

What would any normal child conclude? Life is scary.

Maybe that accounts for the twice-daily traffic jams In our quiet, low-crime community at the beginning and end of every school day. Sunshine or rain, cars line up for blocks along tree-lined streets. Watchful moms–and some dads–wait near the crossing guards, ready to walk their kids home. (Parents of middle- and high-school students wait down the street, as instructed.)

Good intentions may be misguided

Planting fear makes children feel powerless.

Our call as loving parents is to help our kids grow strong within themselves.

Instead of hovering, we get our child ready for the "what ifs" of life. Talking it through and offering specific actions can produce courage and calm thinking, like youngsters in news stories who escaped harm by running away, screaming loudly or calling 911.

Somebody helped them be mentally prepared.

Love doesn't gallop to the rescue every time our child calls. Take the youngster with a habit of "forgetting" crucial homework or even lunch. No more lectures. No more temper. First comes a warning, then one rescue. After that Mom says, "Sorry, Sweetie. You're on your own. Talk to your teacher and see what you can work out."

Call it tough, or label it a taste of how the world works. A learning step toward being responsible.

We stay tuned, but from a distance. It's as if we hold up a sign that reads, "We believe in you!" If they stumble, we pick 'em up, give 'em a hug and encourage them to try again.

As Christian moms we want our child's long-term best. Working through situations like this on their own imparts the sense they can deal with whatever comes.

Our mission as parents is to love our kids and let them go

Teens and young adults learn to make wise decisions by (sometimes) making unwise decisions. We allow them to try–and sometimes fail–and learn.

Is this easy? No! Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing we've ever done. The near-hysterical mom in the cell phone commercial would be the type who delivers daily wake-up calls to her child's dorm room. (Yes, it happens.)

Moms feel separation anxiety, too. We look at the years we invested in protecting our child, wanting to make sure she grows up with only happy memories. We wonder how our beautiful children can get along on their own.

If not before, now's the time.

Setting our children free, ready and willing to live without us, bestows a love gift that keeps on giving.

Moms never stop praying

We love our children best when we leave "hovering" to the One who knows the end before the beginning. He never takes His watchful eyes off our loved ones and He knows what they need most. Our task is to keep on praying and trusting.

Here's a Bible verse to encourage us:

. . . The prayer of a righteous [mother} is powerful and effective. –James 5:16 NIV (If you don't feel "righteous enough," read Romans 3:22-24 and 5:19.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

Mother love that strengthens our children

May 21, 2012
Mention the word, "spanking," and people go ballistic.

One loving parent says, "I think spanking is barbaric!" Another, just as loving, says, "Sometimes spanking is the only way I can get their attention."

Surveys indicate a majority of young children in this country are spanked regularly.

Experts and professionals who show up on TV and write articles in magazines mostly rail against the evils of spanking. They often cite studies that seem to prove

physical punishment leads children to become more aggressive.

One "doctor mom" who writes in our local newspaper believes children should not be spanked. Period.

You and I read articles like this and think, Well, she ought to know."

All parents need to do, she says, is practice positive reinforcement and validate the child's feelings. As an example she explains even 2-year olds can understand–once you explain–why they must not touch a hot stove. You listen, you allow them their feelings, you set boundaries and voila!

Why parents sometimes feel threatened

A mom told about taking her three rambunctious boys to McDonald's. They did what preschool boys always do. Jabbed and poked and teased in the waiting area and swung on the shiny railing.

Once they got settled in their booth, the boys started in again. Kicking under the table. Older brothers calling the youngest a baby" and him whimpering. Trying to gross each other out, which called for a collective, "Eww!"

Then she noticed everyone else in the place watching them and frowning, clearly disapproving.

"Rick wanted to settle them down with a little swat on their behinds. I really thought one of that crowd might report us to Child Protective Services, so we gathered up our food and kind of slinked out."

For the record . . .

My husband and I agreed spankings would be rare at our house and they were. Each of our four girls, however, got at least one.

We lived along a straight-shot country road with a dip in it, so drivers would not have seen a toddler in time to stop. With a roomy fenced yard, our kids had plenty of room to run. That's why every single day I warned them, "You must not go outside the yard! Do you understand me?"

And every one of them stole out of our yard at least once.

So I would swoop down on our pint-size adventurer and administer five or six swats right away. It wasn't anger that drove me, but fear for their lives. I had to be able to trust these little girls would stay in our roomy, well-fenced yard, even when I wasn't on hand.

By then we both would be crying. I would hug her and kiss her and not bring it up again.

Know the "why" and know yourself

Spanking our children is hard–and it should be, I think. And we need to be sure we're not just trying to show we're bigger and more powerful than our kids.

I know now that it was good we kept spankings rare in our family. Our girls got the message that Mommy and Daddy are in charge and family rules are meant to be kept.

(P.S. It's good to get that established early, while you're the tall one.)

God bless you,

Comments?

To spank or not to spank, that is the question

March 2, 2012
Every day children absorb messages about sex, either implied or in-your-face.

They soak them up from Mom and Dad. From TV cartoons and sitcoms. From the neighbors and from what teachers say and do, as well as from sex education classes.

Truths and errors drip into young minds. Kids fit them together like pieces of a puzzle and come up with their picture of what it means to be a "male" or a "female."

Prescription: Start early to lay a solid foundation

It's not possible to grab our kids and run because, well, we live in the world.

Our best strategy is to help our sons and daughters lay down solid footings on which they can build sound lives.

Call this equipping what it is: your privilege.

It's never too early and never too late. You will bless your children for life.

The idea is to make this part of casual everyday conversations. Help your children know the values you hold. Talk about the "whys" as well as the "what."

Arm your kids with the truth about sexuality and with right values. "Sexuality" and "sexual identity" go beyond body parts and sexual intercourse and involve the whole person. Males and females think differently and respond differently, both in body and mind.

Our Creator built that into us.

Are there variations between one male and another male? One female and another female? Of course, but none so striking as the differences between one gender and the other.

Mom and Dad are teaching all the time

Have you noticed that youngsters pay the most attention when you're not talking to them?

Your kids watch Mommy and Daddy and think that's how males and females are supposed to relate. When you treat each other with respect and speak well of each other, you give them a strong model to live by. Your love pats and long kisses bear witness that being married offers a lasting attraction.

What kids observe at home, day after day, outweighs whatever they may be taught in sex education classes.

Even teenagers, in numerous surveys, overwhelmingly name their parents as their most important influence.

What else can you do?

Make it a point to watch allowed television shows with your family, so you can help your kids catch innuendos and blatant sexual messages and identify sexy clothing. Talk about shows after they end. See if your kids picked up subtle messages and correct wrong impressions.

As you help your youngsters connect the dots they'll develop their own internal filters. Over time your children will begin to look and listen to life's pressures with better judgment, even when you're not around. They'll be wiser as they use their computer(s) and all the other techie marvels.

Tell it like it is

From the beginning, use the correct terminology. (If you're not sure what that is, buy a reliable book written from a Christian perspective.)

Whatever you say, frame it in the context of God's perfect design. If you read the first two chapters of Genesis, you'll notice He saved the best for last: Adam and Eve. Human beings. He told them to be fruitful and increase in number.

God saw all that he had made and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning–the sixth day. Genesis 1:31

As Christian parents, help your children develop God's view of sexuality. His good gift. Too precious to be squandered in thoughtless and casual ways.

Too wonderful to waste.

You can do it!

God gave you your children, more of his good gifts. He would not entrust you with your ohildren without empowering you for your task.

Peace and joy,

Lenore

Teaching your kids about sex. When, where, by whom?

September 30, 2011
Let's face it. Kids sniff out phoniness faster than a bloodhound after a bank robber.

Youngsters assume their observations on How Adults Really Live are way more accurate than the frequent parental blah, blah, blahs they hear.

Every day situations provide built-in object lessons that prove (to them, at least) whether we mean what we tell them.

No wonder they stay alert, ready to pick up on how Mom (and Dad) respond in one situation or another.

* A cashier gives Mommy change for a $20-dollar bill when she paid with a ten-spot.

* Mom falls for a gorgeous pair of shoes–another gorgeous pair of shoes. She leaves the bag in the car until her husband goes off to a meeting, then hides the shoes in the back of the closet. Some time later she wears them and Dad says, "New shoes?"

* A casual friend calls about going out to lunch and Mom answers, "Sorry, I'm already committed for the day," which isn't true.

* Mother takes Daughter shopping and finds the perfect prom dress, one that fits like a dream. Miracle of miracles, both of them like the same dress. On the way home reality hits. That dress cost twice as much as Mother planned and it has to go back. So she delivers the sad news. "Honey, we have to take this dress back."

Daughter replies, "Oh, no problem, Mom. I'll just tuck the price tag inside and wear the dress Saturday night. Then Monday we take the dress back to the store and you get all your money back. That's what all the girls do."

What's a mother to do?

Over and over we choose how we deal with life. Our choices determine which lessons our children take away. If our actions back up our words they learn one lesson. If not, we teach another.

Tough, but true, 24/7.

Whenever we lose heart it's good to remember that moms and dads hold a unique position, even today. In every survey teens still say their parents are the biggest influence in their lives. That means we impact the next generation, too.

Sounds to me like an honor and a privilege, reason to celebrate, every day.

How about you?

Lovingly,

Lenore

Mom’s most effective way to teach her children

May 3, 2011
If you haven't seen her interviewed yet, you will. Amy Chua, a Yale law professor and the mother of two teenage girls, wrote a book titled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. The day the book was released it shot to No. 6 on Amazon.

As a writer, that makes me drool.

Amy Chua is the daughter of Filipino immigrants with roots in China and a self-described "Tiger Mom." She lays out her description of the Eastern-style parenting she followed as a mom. No TV, no pets, no computer games. No playdates or sleepovers. Endless academic drills, with no grades under A tolerated. Nothing less than being the top in any class, except in gym and in drama. Prolonged, dedicated piano and violin practice, with no other instruments allowed.

As a Tiger Mother, when her children didn't comply, she called them "lazy" or "garbage." If they didn't follow the rules she threatened to burn their stuffed animals or give away favorite playthings, piece by piece, until they did. When they achieved–and they did, in many ways–she was at their side, supportive and proud.

To no one's surprise, critics have lined up on all sides.

Chua considers typical Western (American) parenting lax and undisciplined.

I admit I have not yet read Chua's book, only an Associated Press article. Yet I can't help contrasting what I learned over the years our four girls were growing up–and since. I agree that children benefit from knowing exactly what their parents expect of them. That is, set clear, loving, thoughtful limits–and stick to them.

But I believe even as we monitor, we back off and let our children have individual freedom within the "fences" we set up.

As for Amy Chua's insistance on tolerating no grades lower than A, I think that's both unrealistic and uncaring. That makes the grade more important than the child. I believe each child is a unique creation of God. One of a kind. One youngster naturally finds schoolwork a struggle, while another will find it a snap. As for pressing youngsters to be the best–or else–where does that leave the one who comes in second?

We paid attention, of course, to how our children were doing in school, in a low-pressure way. Perhaps my husband and I were naive–or perhaps we stumbled on a secret. Somehow we assumed our children were good kids who would study and turn in assignments on time. Our girls did well in school because they wanted to, not because my husband and I insisted they do. We almost never helped our children with their homework. (If they had flunked a test or a grading period, well, that would be what they chose to get by goofing off. Then they would have had to work it out with their teacher. We stayed in the background, but kept informed. At home we would have restricted their privileges until they were back on track.)

As for homework, our parenting style was to put them to work. If they didn't understand a word, we'd say, "Look it up, that way you'll remember it." If they struggled to find a solution for a problem, they knew our first question would be, "Did you go back and reread what came before so you have it clear in your mind?"

We reminded our girls that just as Mom and Dad had work to do, they had school work to do. That made getting their studies done their responsibility, not ours. That ensured they would feel justifiably good about themselves for following through. So did we, as proud of their character as their grades.

We believed–and counselors like Dr. Henry Cloud back it up–that a child's self-esteem stems from feeling competent, not from endless parental variations of, "You're terrific!"

Did we encourage each daughter to try out for various activities? Of course. If they found they couldn't do it or didn't want to, we gave them a hug and said, "That's okay."

Like most parents, we wanted each of our daughters to develop as individuals, to build on their strengths and to thrive, each in her own way and on her own timetable. For us what mattered was that our girls know we loved them the same, whether they reached the top or scraped the bottom.

Oh-oh. I guess that guarantees I will never make it as a Tiger Mother.

Here's a question for you. What do you think of Amy Chua's Tiger Moms theory? Did you find any points of agreement or disagreement? Why not click on "Comments" and tell us?

Joy in your journey,

Lenore

Are you a Tiger Mother? Should you be?

January 17, 2011