Category: Parenting

  • School’s back in session and a lot of parents are groaning, along with their kids. 

    So are teachers. When I talked with “Ella,” a teacher friend of mine, I got some eye-opening insights into what she deals with every day. After talking to a few other teachers, I learned her challenges are not unique.

    Listen in and judge for yourself whether teachers have “cushy” jobs

    “All I ever wanted to do was teach,” Ella said, “and I’ve loved it for almost twelve years, but it gets harder every year.

    “Lots of days last year I dreaded walking into my classroom even though I really loved my kids.”

    “Why?”

    “I had so many troubled kids. Their home situations spilled over, big time. Like the boy whose dad was killed in a car accident. He started lashing out at everyone and who could blame him?

    “Or the sweet girl who knew her mom was on chemo and not doing well. That’s all she could think about. All I could do was try to be extra patient and understanding.   

    “Three or four of my students felt caught in the middle between their divorced parents. One boy talked about his mom’s new husband, who wasn’t much interested in her children–and showed it. One girl’s dad had a live-in girlfriend who loved her man, but made it clear she wanted him all to herself.  

    “Several parents had good jobs that paid very well, but their kids didn’t see enough of them. That’s never good. Some parents drank too much or had drug problems. I saw the fallout in their children.”

    By now Ella's eyes brimmed with tears. "I truly loved those youngsters and I tried to make our classroom a happy place, but that really was all I could do. I felt so helpless! At the end of the day--almost every day--I ended up feeling as limp as an old dishrag."

Are all teachers great teachers? No. Are all unselfish and noble? Of course not.

    Teachers are imperfect human beings like the rest of us. Most of them work with kids because they love teaching. Many are married and may have families of their own. They face personal challenges and get discouraged sometimes, just as we do.

    Think how it could lift their spirits if we were as quick to point out what’s good as we are to complain about what’s wrong.

    With or without children, how can you and I make a difference? 

    Let’s put in the effort to smile and be a friend to kids in our church and community. Sometimes what young people need most is a warm, caring person who makes time to listen.

    Somebody built the schools you and I attended and paid the teachers who taught us. Whether we do or we don’t have children, you and I can be a force for good. 

    Let’s be people who frequently speak encouragement and thanks to those who work with children and teens.  

    If we don’t, who will? It’s as Jesus said in Luke 6:31: 

    “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” 

    It’s not complicated. All we need to do is look for what’s good and say so, whether it’s to teachers or to youngsters. What seems small and insignificant to us can light up the day–or lighten the load–for another person.   

    And isn’t that worth the effort?

    Here’s to finding more JOY in every day!

    Lenore 

    Ever Wished You Could Peek Into A Typical Classroom?

  • News flash: Someone is watching you every minute of every day, someone who means no harm.

    Watching me? Me? Blog. Two women talking. 1.16

    Yes, you.

    Every minute of every day?

    Yep. Every minute. Every day.

    Hey, I’m just an ordinary person. Why would anyone pay attention to me?

    Trust me, they do.

    Like where?

    Anywhere you go. On the job. In school. In your neighborhood. At home, because your children are watching you, from their earliest years on into adulthood–and beyond.

    Now I know you’re putting me on. My children ignore me!

    Oh no they don’t. They watch your every move and hear every word you speak.

    I think that’s a crazy idea.

    Think whatever you like. It’s true. Even kids who never seem to pay attention keep their eyes on you. They listen, too. Especially when you don’t want them to hear you.

    Okay, if that’s true, why are they tracking me?

    Because they want to pick up clues on how to live and how to treat other people.

    Give me a for instance.

    All right. Let’s start with these

    1. Remember last week, when that clerk didn’t get your order quite right and you were ticked off? You lost your temper with her, loud and clear.

            Did you notice the expression on your son’s face?

    2. Or take last Thursday. You just sat down with a cup of coffee and your favorite magazine when Annie called. She goes on forever, so you told her you were sorry but you were just out the door for an appointment. Your daughter looked at you and rolled her eyes.

    You fooled Annie, but not your daughter.

    3. Then there was the time you bought yourself a pair of shoes you didn’t really need and couldn’t afford while on a school shopping trip with your kids. You told them, “Let’s not say anything to Dad about Mommy’s new shoes because he’s not interested in girl stuff. Okay? And does anybody want ice cream?”

    Remember how you couldn’t look your kids–or your husband–in the eye that night?

    Well, yeah, but it’s no big deal. Everybody does it.

    Really?

    Maybe not everybody, but I’m a really good person. Ask anyone.

    What kind of people do you want your children to be? 

    Oh, I talk about that all the time. I tell them to treat other people with kindness and to tell the truth. And how they should always be up-front with us and with everyone else.

    I’ve said over and over that telling the truth is important, because we need to be able to trust them.

    Did you ever realize there’s more than one way to “tell” and teach? Albert Einstein expressed it this way: “Example isn’t another way to teach, it is the only way to teach.”

    Moms and dads do lots of talking and we know our children tune us out.

    But they never tune out what we do.

    “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.” 

    That one-liner came from Ralph Waldo Emerson way back in 1875–and it still sums up a great truth that applies to every one of us. At any stage of life.

    The watchers all around us will keep watching–and comparing what we say we believe to what they see us doing. As much as we may bristle at the very idea of people watching us, it’s just as true that these observers help us stay on track with being authentic.

    Words are easy. Living them out is a day-to-day challenge. 

    Does all this sound too hard? Any time it does, fall back on this Bible verse and remember that if we trust in Jesus as our Savior, HE will enable us to keep going.

    I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.  –Philippians 4:13  NKJV

    All we have to do is start where we are, thanking God for our “helpers”. They help us stay on track to grow more and more into the persons we’ve always wanted to be.

    Still learning, too,

    Lenore 

    Your Audience Is Watching!

  • Talking heads keep telling us of falling birth rates.

    They often state that today's couples want "experiences" instead of–or before–having children.  

    Ask any mom or dad and they'll tell you parenting brings one experience after the other. All day. Every day. Right? 

    Blog. Boy. Young. 5.2025It offers lots of laughs, too, if we get our egos out of the way. Check it out for yourself by reading these real answers to real questions given to a group of second-graders. (Sorry, I don't know when or where.)

    Question 1. Why do we have mothers?

      1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
      2. Mostly to clean the house.
      3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

    Question 2. How did God make mothers?
       
        1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
        2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
        3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

    Question 3. What ingredients are mothers made of?
     
        1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
        2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

    Question 4. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
     
        1. We're related.
        2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

    Question 5. What kind of a little girl was your mom?
     
        1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
        2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
        3. They say she used to be nice.

    Question 6. What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

        1. His last name.
        2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
        3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

    Question 7. Why did your mom marry your dad?

        1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
        2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
        3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

    Question 8. Who's the boss at your house?

        1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
        2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
        3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

    Question 9. What's the difference between moms and dads?

        1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
        2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
        3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause     that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
        4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

    Question 10. What does your mom do in her spare time?

        1. Mothers don't do spare time.
        2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

    Question 11. What would it take to make your mom perfect?

        1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
        2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

    Question 12. If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

        1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
        2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
        3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.     
    Do you feel better? Good, me too
     
    Laughter and smiles are good for us, as Proverbs 17:22 tells us, here from The Message: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength.
     
    What's more, children absorb their mom's attitude just as a sponge soaks up water, especially in their early years. Happy mama, happy kids.
     
    (It works that way with the rest of the family, too, whatever their ages.)
     
    Wishing you JOY–in your day-to-day and especially on Mother's Day!
     
    With love,
    Lenore
     

    All About Moms, As Seen By Their Children

  • Someone wise said the only people who know all about rearing kids are the ones who never had any.

    I found that to be true and I'll bet you have, too.

    Blog. Mother. Baby. 2.25Not long after we hold our first child any illusion that little ones effortlessly fit into our plans vanishes like a puff of smoke. Fact: Babies and children of any age change everything.

    No wonder being a mom–or a dad–often feels like groping our way through a cave with barely a glimmer of light.

    We stumble. We sweat fear. We pray, never quite sure we're on the right path. We never lose sight of the fact that the people we love most are depending on us.

    So we carry on, loving our kids the best we can and coping the best way we know how.

    Most of all we keep on praying.

    It's a wonder-full, wearying way to live 

    Forget those "experts" and celebrity parents on TV who ooze love and joy.  Somehow they conveniently forget to mention the size of their staff and how many nannies they employ.

    Who hasn't watched one of those movies or TV shows where the nannies bring the oh-so-adored children in to join the the adults for a time, like 15 minutes or half an hour. (Betcha any one of us could be wise and joyful for limited time periods …)

    Real-life parents mostly make do on their own. And get tired. Exhausted, really. Tired of coping. Tired of putting everyone else first.

    I remember when our girls were young. I found myself in a long gray spell and couldn't put my finger on the why of it or shed the heaviness that weighed me down.

    Then I ran across a rhyme

    Just two lines, but they shocked me into right thinking: 

    Two men looked out through prison bars;

    One saw mud, the other saw stars

    That simple couplet spoke truth to my heart. As never before, I realized that what I "saw" and how I judged it came from inside me.

    No matter what the situation, always, I choose what I focus on and how I call it. So do you.

    At first I didn't like knowing that, but then I realized the power of it.

    We all live our lives one moment at a time. How we see it and how we call it is up to us. 

    So look up and take heart

    Whatever problems you face right now, however overwhelmed you may feel, you never walk alone. Not in this moment. Not in any future moment–unless  you want to.

    If today you need a shot of encouragement, many of us Christians especially love this Bible verse because we know by experience this promise is true:  

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.        Isaiah 41:10

    So take a deep breath, smile and put on your "God-Glasses." The last chapter of your life–and your children's lives, whatever their ages–has yet to be written. 

    Why not choose to see what's good and focus on His mighty power within you–and them? And don't forget to thank the Giver.

    Trust me, that small adjustment can make a big difference–for you personally and for your family. I know this is true because I've lived it–and it's still my daily goal. 

    I'm thankful for you, dear reader. Thanks for stopping by!  

    Lenore          

     

    About being a parent–and how we look at our lives

  • You hear it all the time on TV talk shows and read it online and in print: It's essential to be generous with praise if we want to build a child's self-image.

    Blog. Boy w Mom. 6.2024That's no longer universally acclaimed. More and more new/old thinkers tell us it's better to go easy on remarks like, "You're so adorable!" and, "Look at you! You're so smart!"

    Choose instead to emphasize what the child or teen can feel pride in doing and being. That is, give your kids solid, individual reasons for self-esteem.

    Compliment qualities you want to implant and expand. Here are some
    examples.  

    If your daughter helps empty the dishwasher or pitches in with other household chores: "You're such a good helper. I like knowing I can count on you."

    Should your son give part of his cookie to a friend: "I like the way you share. You have a generous heart."

    If your youngster is involved in sports and their team loses the game but your child manages to keep smiling: "You make me very proud. You played fair and you're a good sport."

    Such comments help kids recognize and focus on their best qualities.

    Words like that build a child's character 

    Even at young ages kids figure out that they can decide what to do or not to do.

    Parents naturally want them to choose whichever actions will make them stronger and help them stay out of trouble. Mom or Dad can influence their thinking in many ways, especially by how they speak.

    Praise their appearance only and you'll grow an individual who measures their self-worth by looking in the mirror. Praise grades, test scores and sports scores and you risk developing young people who feel they are worth less if they fail to come out on top.

    What matters more is to emphasize what builds their own sense of being a worthwhile person.

    It all goes back to a major principle of child-rearing: Only reinforce–with words or applause–what you want to see repeated.

    There's more to it, of course 

    Many of us believe the true core of an individual's self-esteem lies even deeper. Karl Barth, a renowned thinker and theologian of the Twentieth Century put it this way, "The greatest theological insight I have ever had is this: 'Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.'"

    You may recognize that line from the song many kids learn in Sunday School or Children's Church. To plant the certainty of that first line in a child's mind gives them an "outside source"–separate from family members or other individuals–by which to gauge their self-worth. One who never changes.

    Step into the shoes of any child or young person. They are trying to figure out who they are in a world that pulls them in all directions. Parents may urge one path, the child wants another.

    Moms and dads worry because they see possible trouble ahead, trouble their children argue against.

    Why? Why?

    It helps to remember that children and teens only know what they have experienced so far. They often feel uncertain about everything and overwhelmed and well may have nothing to hang onto.

    That's one reason they so often "drive their parents crazy." It's a waste of emotion to expect that they would–or could–look at life and the world around them as their mom or dad does.

    Think what it would mean to know deep down that you have value every moment of every day. Not because you deserve it or earned it, but because Jesus loves you. The Bible backs up that statement. Year after year the Christian Bible is the best-selling book.

    According to several reliable sources, about 20 million copies of the Holy Bible were sold last year, just in the United States.  

    There must be a reason why  

    The message that weaves throughout the Bible is that Jesus, true God and true man, lived and willingly died so that anyone who believes in him as their Savior and Lord, is set right with God. 

    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  John 3:16

    That's the basis for this children's song: 

    "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so … "

    It is simple, profound truth that brings unshakable certainty one is loved. No conditions. No exceptions.  

    Children convinced of this will be better equipped to handle whatever may come into their lives. Their self-confidence will be strong and rest on a solid base.

    Isn't that what you want for your children? And yourself?

    Blessings to you,

    Lenore

    Thoughts on Rearing Self-Confident Kids

  • Moms and dads don't need to sign up for personal growth classes because our "education" goes on and on. On the other hand, some don't quite get it. Right?

    Picture the scene: the Misses Clothing department of a large suburban store.

    I was  looking through a sale rack when a nicely-dressed, thirtyish woman in stiletto heels came up. She was pushing a stroller at a leisurely pace, in which sat a boy, maybe age 2 1/2.  He was in mid-meltdown.

    She parked the stroller, then began serenely flipping through the rack next to me. SoBlog. Unhappy boy in stroller. 11.12on the little prisoner's screams reached a decibel level sufficient to attract the attention of everyone within 30 feet of them.

    And it did.

    The woman appeared oblivious and unhurried. During the next ten minutes or so she worked the racks. By now the boy's screams had settled into a continuous low-level roar, punctuated by whimpers.

    Through it all she kept up a running line of questions, using one of those I-don't-really-expect-an-answer voices. "You've been so good all morning, Nelson. Why did you suddenly decide to be bad now? … Why do you think that is, Son? …  Nelson, explain to me, please, why you've been good for so long and now you're being bad. … Can you tell Mommy why, Nelson?"

    After awhile they meandered on, the boy still yelling, the mother seeming not to notice.

    All day I thought about that pair, sorry for the child, sad for the mom

    Before long I remembered some of the countless times I was clueless when our daughters were growing up. (I'm sure their list is longer than mine.)

    That's life. We all get caught up in situations and stumble through, doing the best we can with what we know at the time. I think it's called being human.

    Fact: Moms have to shop, often with kids in tow. Not many children delight in sitting still in a stroller any time, anywhere. Especially for hours. Especially for shopping-with-Mom excursions. Period.

    As parents we get so focused on our "must do" stuff that we forget little people are, well, little. 

    Sometimes it helps to offer a "carrot on the stick," a reward at the end

    (Could we label that "incentive" rather than "bribe"? Thank you.)  

    Be sure to set up the conditions of your verbal contract and clearly state what's expected from both parties. Get their agreement before you start.

    For example, if you must take everyone along on a shopping trip, tailor your outings and times to the tolerance levels of your young companions. Don't routinely take advantage by overstaying or your children won't believe you.

    The deal is when they do their part, you live up to your promise. If they don't, you don't–and vice versa. 

    Otherwise you'll be teaching them how to manipulate people, especially you.

    Rearing kids remains a continuing lesson in humility   

    We think we have all the answers. Or we should have. Yet we keep on learning we don't.    

    Count that as a blessing, a necessary stretching that keeps us flexible. For life. And that's a very good thing. 

    Here's a Bible verse that fits every family situation, whatever stage of parenting you may be in.  

    Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.   1 Peter 4:8 

    Have a happy … every day of your life and God bless you!

    Lenore

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Like it or not, you and I live our lives onstage, every bit as much as any public figure or show biz performer. 

     

    You might laugh at that, but think about it. Even if we live alone, we interact with other people, whether by phone or text or email. Our words and our tone create a mental image for the receiver. 

     

    Blog. Mother. checkout clerk. 2.14Or the casual observer. Like me, the day I waited to check out in a big box store behind a woman and her daughter, perhaps age eight or nine. The girl waited patiently while her mother wrote a check.

     

    As the mom picked up her bag she paused and said to the checker. "Wait a minute. I bought five things, but I think you only charged me for four. Would you please look over my bill and find what I owe you?"

    The twentyish clerk glanced over the shoppers behind me and replied, "But, Ma'am, you already wrote out your check. You'd have to tear it up and we'd have to start over. I really think you paid for all five."

    I couldn't help noticing their faded but clean clothing. Nevertheless, this woman held her head up, and fixed her attention on the checker and calmly refused the offer. "I can't take something home if I haven't paid for it. Please figure out which one got missed, and I'll pay cash for that one item."

    People behind me had stopped talking. I guessed they were watching, too. The clerk sighed, then compared price tags and the cash register receipt. Finally she said, "It's the most expensive one: $12.99." 

    The mom said, "Okay," and dug around in her well-worn purse for some wrinkled bills and a handful of coins, all the while explaining to her daughter what was going on. Soon the two were on their way out of the store.

    Judging by the clerk's look of disbelief I suspect she later recounted this exchange to others. No doubt at least a few onlookers did, too. 

    That shopper so easily could have taken the freebie and run

    This mom judged something more important than dollars and cents and her quiet firmness communicated a lot about her. She won't need to lecture her daughter about honesty. She lived it out as her daughter watched and listened, probably not for the first time. She also set an example for those of us who were waiting our turn.

    Isn't that the best kind of parenting–and teaching? 

    Later I thought of an Albert Einstein quote I heard years earlier and never forgot: 

     

    "Example isn't another way to teach,

    it is the only way to teach."

    We are not who we say we are. We are what we live

    One thing is sure. That woman gifted her daughter with a lesson about honesty she likely won't forget. 

    Words always matter, but actions count even more. Ask any parent, children keep track of every disconnect between what their parents (and those in authority) say and what they do. Even as adults.   

    Who we are and what we do carries more weight than our words spoken to them. Every time.    

    Nobody's perfect

    Not even that mom in the big box store, nor any human being. Life can be hard, no doubt about it. After awhile we can feel overwhelmed and hope evaporates.

    Christians believe help is available at any time. Jesus used an everyday illustration to explain to his followers they were "grafted" into him by faith, so they could draw on his strength within them. 

    (Jesus said) "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."               John 15:5 NIV

    God's promises for his people run through all through the Bible.

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.          Isaiah 41:10

    I know nothing about that mom in the big box store except what I witnessed that day, but I admire her. Her quiet confidence seemed to illustrate that her actions that day were nothing out of the ordinary for her. She was authentic.

    Isn't that what we all long for in the people around us? 

    Let's resolve to be authentic, to make sure our words and our actions are in harmony. After all, we never know who might be watching or listening in our own family or circle of friends.

    Or even some stranger behind us in the checkout line.

    Growing, too,

    Lenore

    Your Audience Is Watching

  • When Nick Vujicic speaks–and he does, all over the world–people hang on every word. They can't quite believe that this man is saying what he's saying.

    Blog. Nick Vujicic. 7.17Certainly I found that to be true.

    Some years ago my husband and I heard Nick speak and afterward joined the crowd around the stage. His smile lit up the room.

    Since then I've seen him on television and just recently on YouTube.

    Always, I marvel how every day he triumphs over challenges that would drive many of us to curl up in the corner and wail.  

    And then there are his remarkable parents. Three sonograms gave them no warning their child would be born with problems.

    Imagine their shock to find their newborn son possessed no arms and no legs, only a sort of a "foot flipper" at the bottom left of his torso.

    What would you do?

    No doubt many well-meaning people told Nick's parents that raising their severely handicapped child would be too much for them and they should turn him over to the professionals.

    They paid no attention.

    That plucky pair took their baby son home and somehow loved him into a remarkable wholeness of spirit. 

    They did more than love him absolutely. They gave Nick a lifetime gift.

    They instilled in him the sense that he was bigger than the obstacles he faced.

    They assured their son he could trust God to make a way for him and use him. Somehow. Somewhere. Some way.   

    Still, it was years before Nick believed it wholeheartedly for himself. 

    The boy with the hard name and the weird body

    Nick Vujicic (VOO-yee-cheech) was born in Melbourne, Australia, in 1982. As you would guess, being taunted and bullied were everyday occurrences.

    He says, "I often came home crying and told my parents, 'I hate school! The kids make fun of me!'

    "My parents always said, 'Don't pay any attention. You're God's creation, fearfully and wonderfully made, and we love you. You just smile back and talk to them and play with them as much as you can.' After awhile things got better, but I often felt depressed.

    "I accepted myself after I read about the blind man in John 9.  I read how Jesus said the blind man was born that way so that the works of God would be revealed through him. I said to God that if He had a plan for that man I certainly believed that He had one for me.

    "That's when I totally surrendered the idea of ‘needing to know the plan’ and trusted in Him one day at a time." 

    Would you describe Nick as "disabled?"

    Most people would. Here's what he says about disability: "We all have brokenness. Mine just shows more than most people's.

    "Fear is the biggest disability of all. Fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. Courage is doing what's in front of us, even when we're afraid."

    Asked how he finds courage to keep going every day, Nick smiled. "I thank God for what I have instead of complaining about what I don't have.

    Nick says, “If God can use a man without arms and legs to be His hands and feet, then certainly He will use any willing heart!”


     God answers Nick's heartfelt prayers

    For years Nick wondered whether any woman ever could or ever would love him. Then God answered his lifelong prayers for a godly wife and a family of his own. 

    He and Kanae fell in love and then married on February 12, 2012. Blog. Nick V. and Kanae. 10.23

    And now they have four beautiful children.  Blog. Nick V. Children. 10.23

     

    (To read more of his story, go to his website: www.lifewithoutlimbs.org or Google his name.) 

    Nick Vujicic often quotes a favorite verse.

    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."                                   Jeremiah 29:11

    Dear reader friends, that same promise applies to you and to me, every bit as much as it does to Nick. If we compare our problems to Nick's we may feel we have no right to complain, but we are human. Inevitably, we will have times when we feel broken and downhearted. Even then, in Jesus Christ our hope and our future is secure.

    Let's resolve to live our lives, too, by the sure and certain promises we find in God's Word. 

    Lenore

     

    You Can Soar Above Your Challenges

  • Let's start with the ever-changing definition of dads 

    It wasn't so long ago that a man who treated his wife and kids well and brought home a regular paycheck would be admired. If he took an interest in his children, so much the better.

    Blog. Father reading to kids. 616

    Back then, maybe a father read to his kids and attended his children's ball games and school programs, maybe not. If he said, "Sorry, I'm just too tired from work," his family gave him no static.  

    Instead, Mom and the kids would be sympathetic. "Oh, poor Dad, you worked so hard all day. No wonder you're worn out."

    From earliest times a Christian wife felt doubly blessed if her husband loved Jesus and went to church with the family.

    He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.  Proverbs 14:26  NIV 

    Then and now

    Currently, not so many people agree with that approach. Today, most moms expect (or at least, hope) Dad will be on hand for kid things. After all, didn't they agree they would be equal partners in rearing their children?

    Life often blocks good intentions, leaving Mom (or Dad) to fly solo. The parent who feels stuck with filling in may say nothing, just paste on a tight smile and take over.  

    Next time this couple sees each other, tension may crackle the air. One says the other has not lived up to expectations and gets a response like, "Well, what about the time you … ?"  

    Most couples who've logged a few years of marriage learn a better way and likely would say something like this:  

    Give up trying to prove who's more "right." When one "wins," both of you lose.

    Who comes first?

    Early on, a wise older friend gave my husband and me good advice. "Don't get so much into your role as parents that you have nothing left between you once your children are wrapped up in their own lives."  

    Over time we better understood the strength of that tip. As our four children discovered they "needed" this or that and pleaded their cases with us, we two each needed an ally! Our kids discovered it was pointless to try to play one parent against the other.

    Standing together also reminded us we were a couple. A team. We loved our children with all our hearts, but it helped so much to know each of us marriage partners placed the other first. Being human, we slipped up occasionally, but in general we stuck to this principle except in emergencies.  

    Years later our adult children one by one told us our unity and stability reassured them–even when they railed against it. Why? Because it reassured them we planned to stay married.

    Your healthy marriage relationship builds lasting strength into your children.

    We're all cracked pots–and it's okay 

    Nobody's perfect. Years ago author Patsy Clairmont said our "cracks" allow the light of Jesus to shine through us.

    So in all our dealings but especially within our marriage and family, let's cut each other some slack. Let's show grace and be quick to forgive and accept each other as yes, imperfect people. And our sons and daughters, too.

    Count on it: Your love and mutual forgiveness in the nitty-gritty of daily life will benefit your kids all their lives. It's how we parents most effectively model for our children how Christians are to handle conflict and frustrations. 

    Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3  NIV

    Does the idea of Father's Day dredge up old hurts? 

    It's a sad fact that many adults still ache to hear their father say the words, "I love you."    

    For generations, men believed whatever they did to provide for their wife and children obviously demonstrated their love loud and clear. The old "Actions speak louder than words" applies here. Many men simply never learned how to express their love. How to say the words. 

    Where does this leave you if you're still hurting? Good news, healing is possible, no matter how many years have elapsed–or even if you ever hear those words spoken.  

    It means being willing to lay down our battered bundle of pain at the foot of the cross and leave it there. Over and over, if necessary, until finally, we can let it go. We can't heal if we insist on picking it up again.

    Jesus Christ fills our empty places with his love and makes us whole.

    All of life gets easier when we give up thinking what people should be

    Once we leave that judgment behind we can accept each other–and ourselves–as we are.

    Love enables us to forgive what's missing.  

    Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  1 Peter 4:8  NIV

    The Good News of the Gospel tells us we needn't generate this love on our own:

    Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  1 John 4:7  ESV

    God created only individuals

    No specific personality makes us a "good dad" or a "good mom." Neither does one parenting style or the other. It's all about living out love, healthy love that builds strength.

    Let's tune out the drone of talking heads and listen to the still, small voice living within us. Leading us. Guiding us. Enabling us.

    That voice is the Holy Spirit, Jesus living within our hearts, tenderly telling us, "Love one another as I have loved you."

    When that's our standard for parenting, no worries, even if money is tight and our life situations are challenging. In the minds of our children, Dad will be a "good dad" and Mom will be a "good mom," because they will remember the love that ruled our hearts and our home.

    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.  1 Corinthians 13:13  NIV

    Whatever our situation, let's resolve to rejoice! Even if. Even when. Even though. 

    Lenore

    What does it take to be a good parent?

  • If you're like me you probably read that title and thought, Yeah, sure. Easy for you to talk.  

    That's because we remember all too well the many times we shushed our children or lost control and started yelling.

    Blog. Mom. Son. Daughter. 5.16And that's just for starters. Our minds flood with memories of failing to be the kind of mother we once assumed we would be. Could be. Should be.

    Once we had very clear pictures in our minds, didn't we, of the "perfect family" we would have? We assumed if we really, really wanted to be good moms and really, really tried, all the rest would follow naturally.

    In no time at all we became wiser. 

    Let's be honest here: Being a mom is hard. (So is being a good dad.)

    Beforehand we thought, New babies are so adorable! Children are so enchanting!

    And they are. Before becoming parents we could not imagine we could ever run out of patience.

    Ever run out of love. 

    But we do, sometimes. Almost. Like before our newborn finally, finally, starts sleeping all night. Or when our older child pushes all our buttons.

    It is scary to admit how weak we are, even to ourselves. We pray for forgiveness, fearful God might punish us for even having such thoughts, however fleeting they may be.

    Immediately we resolve to do better. To be more patient, more joyful. To only smile, every moment. No matter what.

    Then in no time at all we fail again.  

    If you have been there–or are there now–put your feet up and relax. You're among friends, so let's turn the corner in minds and remind ourselves what we're about.  

    Recognize the influence you have

    Abraham Lincoln said, "All that I am or ever hope to be I owe to my angel mother." 

    Few of us expect to hear glowing tributes like that when our children reach adulthood, but certainly we want to help them grow as individuals and to strengthen the good qualities already implanted in them by their Creator. 

    That's a noble goal, but how are we supposed to accomplish it?  

    By now one thing I know for sure is that every one of us can rest in the assurance that we and our children are a perfect match for each other.

    Think about it. God creates each child and He places us together because we are exactly right for each other–even on our worst days.

    Parenting, you see, is a growing proposition. Our children grow up while we grow and stretch in understanding and as individuals.

    Our task is to show love and speak love and ask God to enable us and guide us. Every moment of every day and every night.

    The simple prayer of a mom or dad who longs to rear their children rightly touches the heart of God, even if all they can manage is, "Help me, Lord!"

    Trust me, you won't sprout angel wings

    You will disappoint yourself, over and over, but God is faithful, so just ask. Little by little you'll find your love and patience somehow expand. 

    You'll develop courage, too, so you can stick to your family standards without apology, simply because you know they are right for your children and your family.

    Where do you start? Here: 

    "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has not one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends."  –John 15:12-13  ESV

    That covers it all. Every day.

    Is it easy? No

    In so many ways moms and dads continually lay down their lives every day.

    Children take over our lives. They take up what we used to call "free time." Occupy our thoughts, continually. Consume family income. And on and on.

    Yet most parents would not trade even one child for all the gold in Dubai.

    When we pray, God will enable us to live out love more selflessly. This transforms our days from the daily grind to the daily gladness.

    Don't get me wrong. I did not cheer at the constant cooking and laundry and all the rest. I'm not sure anyone ever has.

    But when we do what we do flows out of love, every day becomes worthwhile  That includes the day you have kids barfing upstairs and a puppy with the runs downstairs and then the dishwasher dies.

    You stay because your purpose is more lasting than the quickie pleasure of escaping to Starbucks.

    Now about those seeds of greatness … 

    President Lincoln grew up in a log cabin. He had none of what we label "advantages," except the one that matters most: He was loved and he knew it.

    Jeff Oppenheimer, author, wrote a novel about Lincoln and his stepmother, That Nation Might Live. He put it this way:

    How Every Mom Can Plant Seeds of Greatness (Dads, Too!)