I know, it sounds too simple, but then, most principles of life boil down to simple, don’t they?
It took me way too long to understand that sticking to these three attitudes toward life can eliminate much of what we call “stress”.
Here’s what I came up with for now.
1. Get real.
2. Get focused.
3. Get thankful.
Curious? Read on.
Get real. We ought not expect the people around us to be on our wave length. They’re individuals, remember?
So are the people we’re closest to. So it shouldn’t surprise us if they don’t immediately grasp the meaning of what we say to them. And vice versa. This explains why any two people so often talk past each other.
I well remember the first time I gave my husband one of those “poor little me” remarks, thinking my groom would understand and see my point. Instead, he replied, “Honey, you’re only disappointed because you expected me to do that and I didn’t. But you never asked or even hinted. How was I supposed to know what you wanted?”
Once I got over being annoyed I realized my practical guy was right. Like many women I value spontaneous gestures and like most men, he wasn’t wired that way.
A small bit of common sense reminds us that flowery gestures come cheap–and can be empty. A good marriage thrives on honesty, faithfulness and loving through whatever comes. So does any close relationship or friendship.
Getting real means steering clear of comparisons and if onlys, too. That’s harder to do in the face of social media and because we stare at screens so much of the time.
It’s time we engrave this on the hard drive of our minds:
Except for live interviews and action shots, everything we see on TV or on Facebook, Instagram, and the like has been carefully staged.
(Think about it. Would you post a photo or video depicting your family and yourself in the midst of a bad day?)
Nevertheless, distractions like TV shows and social media can be enticing traps. We look at what’s onscreen and then contemplate our “imperfect” lives and get depressed.
We get depressed because we forget that we see only what they want us to see.
2. Get focused
Whether we realize it or not, we constantly telegraph–and pick up–messages by what we focus on.
I saw that play out at lunchtime one day. At the next table a dad and his little girl, maybe four years old, were having lunch. Throughout their meal Daddy talked with his daughter and she talked back, with lots of smiles and giggles. He picked her up when they finished and she buried her face in his neck. He carried her out and both were grinning from ear to ear.
Tables around them held other couples and families, everyone engrossed in their smart phones or electronic gadgets and grabbing bites. Nobody smiled and nobody talked to anybody, at least not to any live person sitting at the same table. When they finished eating they simply got up and walked out, still focused on their electronic gadgets. I doubt I could have counted five smiles among that group.
The contrast pained my heart. The daddy and daughter deepened their relationship and enhanced their family’s strength and love. The others, the ones who hardly spoke to each other, satisfied their hunger and their curiosity of the moment. Nothing more.
I’ll not forget that day because it felt as if I were observing a case study in the ways people interact with others. Or lack of same.
That lunchtime drove home an important truth for me: What and whom we focus on plays a huge part in our moods and how we view our lives.
3. Get thankful
For some of us progress may be slow, but to simply be thankful can become a habit. I truly believe that.
I’ve been working for years to learn the art of tuning my awareness toward the good rather than getting hung up on what I perceive as life’s insufficiencies or annoyances. I don’t have it nailed yet, but I’ve made progress. I see the difference in my moods and outlook on life.
I know now how much it lifts my mood all day if I start by thanking God for what is and ask His strength and blessing for the day.
At bedtime I wrap up the day by thanking the Giver and naming the good, ending with a simple, “Thank you, Lord.” Then I commit to God’s loving care the people I’m concerned about and whatever troubles me. Most of the time that helps me drift off to sleep with a smile.
As always, the Bible shows us how:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.1 Peter 5:7
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.Philippians 4:8
That last verse from Philippians spells out the best and most stable places to park our thoughts.
Once we learn to fix our thoughts on what is real and what is right in our lives and in the people we love, living more happily naturally follows. Instead of scowling and complaining about what’s wrong with the world, we can fasten on God’s goodness in the midst of it all–and smile.
(Besides, they say smiling helps stave off wrinkles.)
“A Woman’s View” covers a wide range of topics, usually about living and making the most of each day. I’ve published numerous articles, plus several books on family life and Bible studies with Concordia Publishing House. I’m a lifelong Christian and want to always offer encouragement to readers.
School’s back in session and a lot of parents are groaning, along with their kids.
So are teachers. When I talked with “Ella,” a teacher friend of mine, I got some eye-opening insights into what she deals with every day. After talking to a few other teachers, I learned her challenges are not unique.
Listen in and judge for yourself whether teachers have “cushy” jobs
“All I ever wanted to do was teach,” Ella said, “and I’ve loved it for almost twelve years, but it gets harder every year.
“Lots of days last year I dreaded walking into my classroom even though I really loved my kids.”
“Why?”
“I had so many troubled kids. Their home situations spilled over, big time. Like the boy whose dad was killed in a car accident. He started lashing out at everyone and who could blame him?
“Or the sweet girl who knew her mom was on chemo and not doing well. That’s all she could think about. All I could do was try to be extra patient and understanding.
“Three or four of my students felt caught in the middle between their divorced parents. One boy talked about his mom’s new husband, who wasn’t much interested in her children–and showed it. One girl’s dad had a live-in girlfriend who loved her man, but made it clear she wanted him all to herself.
“Several parents had good jobs that paid very well, but their kids didn’t see enough of them. That’s never good. Some parents drank too much or had drug problems. I saw the fallout in their children.”
By now Ella's eyes brimmed with tears. "I truly loved those youngsters and I tried to make our classroom a happy place, but that really was all I could do. I felt so helpless! At the end of the day--almost every day--I ended up feeling as limp as an old dishrag."Are all teachers great teachers? No. Are all unselfish and noble? Of course not.
Teachers are imperfect human beings like the rest of us. Most of them work with kids because they love teaching. Many are married and may have families of their own. They face personal challenges and get discouraged sometimes, just as we do.
Think how it could lift their spirits if we were as quick to point out what’s good as we are to complain about what’s wrong.
With or without children, how can you and I make a difference?
Let’s put in the effort to smile and be a friend to kids in our church and community. Sometimes what young people need most is a warm, caring person who makes time to listen.
Somebody built the schools you and I attended and paid the teachers who taught us. Whether we do or we don’t have children, you and I can be a force for good.
Let’s be people who frequently speak encouragement and thanks to those who work with children and teens.
If we don’t, who will? It’s as Jesus said in Luke 6:31:
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
It’s not complicated. All we need to do is look for what’s good and say so, whether it’s to teachers or to youngsters. What seems small and insignificant to us can light up the day–or lighten the load–for another person.
Have you ever thought that you and your mate are walking adverts?
If you’ve been married awhile and still clearly enjoy being together it’s as if you’re wearing signboards that say, “Staying Married Is Great!”
You probably don’t realize it, but you are a mystery to many. Here you are, real people living out your real life together, with all life’s challenges. And happy!
How does that happen?
I’m no expert, but this “formula” is the best capsule advice I’ve ever heard: One day at a time you decide again to love each other.
Decide even though love is not an always-constant emotion. (Ask any long-married couple.) Rather, it ebbs and flows like the ocean, with high tides and low tides.
Isn’t it tragic that marriages often break up because one spouse bails out at low tide?
What enables a couple to “keep on, keepin’ on”?
For a marriage to endure it takes a willing husband and a willing wife.
Willing to forgive.
Willing to work through the tough stuff of life together.
Willing to keep at it and try again. And again. And again.
When you hit a rough spot there’s no wiser counsel than this:
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Everybody has “issues.” Get over it
For toddlers it’s normal to have a mindset of, “I, me and mine”.
That has to go if you want to grow stronger together. What nurtures a marriage is for both partners to think in terms of “you,” “we,” “us,” and “our.”
Within a healthy marriage or family, give-and-take is standard behavior–without keeping score. If one always “wins,” eventually the one who always “loses” gets tired of it. That goes away when we give up picking out faults and make it a habit to look for and praise each other’s strengths.
Can we fail and still be worthy of love? Yes, if we’re willing to leave behind old hurts and regrets and to regard each day as a new beginning.
Confessing faults and asking God for help makes all the difference. As usual, the Bible tells us how to thrive in any relationship:
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
Just “being there” counts
Day after day you are there. That by itself communicates love and strength. Each time you hit a snag and come through it together your sense of oneness grows stronger.
What’s more, you give your kids a gift beyond price. They will know the balance of having a mom and a dad. Moms provide the, “Oh, be careful! You could get hurt!”
Dads say, “Aw, you’ll be fine. Go for it!”
Children do best when they grow up with that mix of caution and daring.
Together you model to your children that you value your marriage and your family as worth what it takes to keep it all going. You give your kids an example of how to live when they marry.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.1 John 4:11
You bless the people around you, too, the silent watchers
Some may be disillusioned and uncertain about marriage because they tried it and ended up divorced. Singles often hesitate to risk marriage because they consider divorce inevitable, so why bother?
Just by being who you are, you’re already equipped to be an encourager.
Let your happiness together show, but don’t gloat. Now and then you may want to share some of your struggles, but don’t stop there.
Something like, “My husband (or wife) and I couldn’t make it if we didn’t know we can lean on the Lord” can be a lifeline to another person or another couple.
Remind yourself often what’s going right in your marriage, your family and your life
Let yourselves rejoice in it. Otherwise you risk getting caught up in everyday ups and downs and losing sight of the fact that you are blessed.
Focus on what is good and right and true and your marriage will grow stronger everyday.
And don’t forget to thank God for your husband or wife and pray that He will bless you with many good years together.
We still hear the critical voices of our parents or teachers or the taunts of childhood friends. In times of clear thinking we remind ourselves that’s pointless, but old hurts and doubts still surface and hang around.
Oh sure, we know no one had a perfect childhood. But here we are, still dragging around wrong messages from the past. Why is that?
How can we lighten that load or put it down for good?
Begin by recognizing painful words for what they are
This story is about our friend “Tim,” but it could just as well be about “Tina”.
Tim grew up with an alcoholic dad who delighted in bringing everyone else down. Especially his children. When the kids came home excited because they got good grades or because they had come out on top, Pops would laugh and ask, “Oh, getting the big head, are we?
Every. Single. Time.
The boy became the teenager became the adult. Everyone who knew him considered Tim a success story.
That is, everyone but Tim.
Whenever things went his way at work or his wife told him she was proud of him, Tim still heard his father’s voice taunting him with the same hurtful question.
He felt hopeless and asked himself, would he–could he–ever be free?
Then Tim and his buddy joined the men’s group from church
They quickly felt comfortable and liked the informal discussion of how the Bible still applies to living today. Then came a snack, plus lots of time to just talk–and really connect. Tim slowly felt himself relax.
One week their assignment was to do a self-assessment which they could share or not, no pressure.
They only had to think through one question:
Who am I now? Today?
Letting go of the past
As he thought about his life Tim saw how all his life he worked hard to prove himself–to his dad, he finally understood.
Now he had a good job and he got along well with his co-workers.
Best of all, he and his wife were strong together. The hard times they struggled through taught them they could rely on each other. I love her more today than when I married her. Thank you, Lord!
He thought of their family and smiled. They’re good kids, they’re healthy and they’re doing okay in school. I need to tell them a lot more often that I love them and I’m proud of them.
The question of the week no longer intimidated him.
When his eyes dropped to the Bible verse of the week, 2 Corinthians 12:9, God’s words to the Apostle Paul. Tim felt it could have been written just for him.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”2 Corinthians 12:9
Seeing clearly at last
Next time the men’s group gathered, Tim couldn’t wait to share the new understanding he gained of his father:
“For perhaps the first time, I saw my dad with clear eyes. Back then he was a walking disaster. Constantly putting all of us down made him feel better about his own messed-up life.
“Once I understood that, I could let it go. Now when I hear Dad’s critical voice in my head I answer it with today’s truth, which is that I like my life and what I’ve become. I know it’s God’s blessing and from now on I want to live out last week’s Bible verse:”
“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:18-19
Enduring truths
Long ago I found a quote which brought me up short. Way back in history, Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived from 55 A.D. until 135 A.D., summed it up this way:
“It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters.”
These words can be a power statement that fits each of us, at any stage of life. Whether we realize it or not, we have within us the power to control how we think about what comes into our lives. Whether we’re troubled by painful memories from the past or by uneasiness over present reality, when we change our thinking, we can change our lives.
News flash: Someone is watching you every minute of every day, someone who means no harm.
Watching me? Me?
Yes, you.
Every minute of every day?
Yep. Every minute. Every day.
Hey, I’m just an ordinary person. Why would anyone pay attention to me?
Trust me, they do.
Like where?
Anywhere you go. On the job. In school. In your neighborhood. At home, because your children are watching you, from their earliest years on into adulthood–and beyond.
Now I know you’re putting me on. My children ignore me!
Oh no they don’t. They watch your every move and hear every word you speak.
I think that’s a crazy idea.
Think whatever you like. It’s true. Even kids who never seem to pay attention keep their eyes on you. They listen, too. Especially when you don’t want them to hear you.
Okay, if that’s true, why are they tracking me?
Because they want to pick up clues on how to live and how to treat other people.
Give me a for instance.
All right. Let’s start with these
1. Remember last week, when that clerk didn’t get your order quite right and you were ticked off? You lost your temper with her, loud and clear.
Did you notice the expression on your son’s face?
2. Or take last Thursday. You just sat down with a cup of coffee and your favorite magazine when Annie called. She goes on forever, so you told her you were sorry but you were just out the door for an appointment. Your daughter looked at you and rolled her eyes.
You fooled Annie, but not your daughter.
3. Then there was the time you bought yourself a pair of shoes you didn’t really need and couldn’t afford while on a school shopping trip with your kids. You told them, “Let’s not say anything to Dad about Mommy’s new shoes because he’s not interested in girl stuff. Okay? And does anybody want ice cream?”
Remember how you couldn’t look your kids–or your husband–in the eye that night?
Well, yeah, but it’s no big deal. Everybody does it.
Really?
Maybe not everybody, but I’m a really good person. Ask anyone.
What kind of people do you want your children to be?
Oh, I talk about that all the time. I tell them to treat other people with kindness and to tell the truth. And how they should always be up-front with us and with everyone else.
I’ve said over and over that telling the truth is important, because we need to be able to trust them.
Did you ever realize there’s more than one way to “tell” and teach? Albert Einstein expressed it this way: “Example isn’t another way to teach, it is the only way to teach.”
Moms and dads do lots of talking and we know our children tune us out.
But they never tune out what we do.
“What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.”
That one-liner came from Ralph Waldo Emerson way back in 1875–and it still sums up a great truth that applies to every one of us. At any stage of life.
The watchers all around us will keep watching–and comparing what we say we believe to what they see us doing. As much as we may bristle at the very idea of people watching us, it’s just as true that these observers help us stay on track with being authentic.
Words are easy. Living them out is a day-to-day challenge.
Does all this sound too hard? Any time it does, fall back on this Bible verse and remember that if we trust in Jesus as our Savior, HE will enable us to keep going.
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.–Philippians 4:13 NKJV
All we have to do is start where we are, thanking God for our “helpers”. They help us stay on track to grow more and more into the persons we’ve always wanted to be.
Are you tired of the way your day-to-day life has been lately?
Here’s the good news: Getting unstuck appears much more complicated than it really is. Here’s the three-word formula:
Change. Your. Thoughts.
I know, I know, that sounds too simple. I might not believe it, either, if I hadn’t lived it.
It started when our children were young. Back then my mood would depend on circumstances. Maybe the skies were gray and it was raining. Or the baby wouldn’t stop wailing. Or my husband seemed anxious about goodness-knows-what. (No wonder I was cranky.)
I apologized, of course, usually saying something like: “Sorry, Hon, I can’t help it. That’s just the way I’ve always been.”
One day the truth hit me. That tiresome statement had become my excuse.
I knew it was time for a turnaround. But how?
Enter “The Worry Clinic”
Our daily newspaper began running a syndicated column by the late Dr. George Crane three times a week. His style of conveying mental health tips immediately spoke to me, so I devoured every word, all while carrying on a running argument with him in my mind.
Dr. Crane, a trained psychologist and a physician, described his advice as “old-fashioned horse sense,” a.k.a. common sense.
He repeated this statement often:
Act the way you want to feel and soon you’ll feel the way you act.
The first time I read that it made no sense to me, but it opened my mind a crack. As time went on I began to see the truth of his words. It boiled down to:
Our emotions flow out of what we think.
Here’s how Dr. Crane explained the process:
You can change your thoughts as easily as you change stations on your radio or channels on your television sets. It involves deliberately switching your mind to another topic–and it can be learned.
All it takes is practice.
That bumped me up against an uncomfortable truth. I kind of liked being able to excuse myself with, “I can’t help it. That’s who I am.”
What shocked me more was to see that my moods rubbed off on our four young daughters. They had become star copycats of their mournful mom.
And my sweet husband, loving us, lived patiently with all five of us.
I resolved to change
Dr. Crane primed readers not to expect an overnight transformation. Just as the captain of an ocean liner cannot turn the huge ship 180 degrees all at once, neither should we expect to do a 180 all at once.
The only way to do it was to deliberately master onedegree at a time and then repeat that maneuver 180 times.
Would it take awhile? Yes. Would it be worth it? Yes!
Always before, I prayed for God to change me, then waited for change to happen. Now I understood I also needed to act in faith.
That is, I needed to pray and trust, but also behave as if God already answered my prayer and changed me. As time went on these actions began to feel “natural.”
Over time these small, incremental moves paid off. Our home became a happier place.
For all six of us.
Branching out
As a Christian it reassured me to read this remark of Dr. Crane, who was an M.D. and also a doctor of psychology and psychiatry:
“I gleaned more practical psychology and psychiatry from the Bible than from all other books!”
By now I wanted to learn more and read more, but I didn’t want to lose my way. I needed a solid understanding of what the Bible says so I could evaluate what I read or saw in the media. I became more serious about reading the Bible and scribbled notes and underlined verses that spoke to me.
In those pre-Internet days I dug into the shelves of our public library and frequently brought home stacks of books on personal growth, marriage and parenting. When something hit home I wrote it down. Older books, newer books, it didn’t matter. I devised my own criteria.
–Did the principles in this book conflict with what I believed as a Christian or with my personal values? (If so I set it aside.)
–Did the author sound in touch with real people or rely on jargon?
I picked up bits of knowledge and wise advice from a host of good, qualified authors and counselors. Each one helped me grow.
After years of reading and living, here’s what I know is true
The circumstances of our lives do not determine our mindset. What matters most happens between our ears.
We can manage our emotions because they flow out of what we feed our minds, just as Dr. Crane said.
Sound thinking is not enough. We also must invest our time and our will to make the changes we need.
It’s not uncommon to have the “want to,” but think we’re not making progress in changing our habits. If trying to change is a continuing struggle it’s time to talk to your pastor or a trustworthy professional counselor.
Whatever it takes, every bit of progress we make is still a win.
Staying on track for the long haul
It is a daunting task to set out to change oneself from the inside out and it takes time to change old patterns of thinking. What helped me most was reminding myself often that my best Friend, Jesus Christ, never left me to struggle on my own.
Here are some of the Bible verses that spoke to my heart–and still do:
I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you. Isaiah 26:3
It sounds too simple, but it’s true: You can change how you feel about your life by watching where you park your mind.
I’m guessing we all feel that way at times, if only for a moment. Or a day. Times we feel a bit, shall we say, wimpy.
That’s when I often turn to this Winston Churchill quote that hangs above my desk. It came with a blurb that explained the Prime Minister spoke those words in a speech he gave during October, 1941. The United Kingdom already had entered World War II, while the United States formally joined the War effort in December, 1941.
I once knew a British war bride who lived in that harrowing time. She told how as a young woman she spent her days doing secretarial work in downtown London. Every night she and thousands of other Londoners crowded into the tunnels of the Tube (the Underground) and tried to sleep in the dank cold while Hitler’s Luftwaffe bombers rained bombs overhead.
Each morning my friend and the others would drag themselves up and out, blinking in the daylight. They picked their way around and through piles of rubble and suspicious-looking debris to get to their work. Churchill’s slogan became their battle cry.
When anyone seemed dejected and hopeless, they would call out–or mutter, “Never, never, never give up! Remember?”
Hitler had one goal: to break the spirit of Great Britain and conquer
Churchill had a far different aim, to keep the citizenry united in their determination to survive whatever the Nazis hurled at them. Throughout World War II he frequently broadcast pep talks and status reports, often over short wave. Old and young strained to hear.
Churchill had a way with words and his Nation clung to them for hope.
No wonder he so often was credited with keeping up the morale and determination of the British nation.
His words hang above my desk for a reason
Sometimes I need that reminder, too, and his words prod me to keep on writing. If that surprises you it’s probably because movies, TV and novels usually depict the carefree, romantic life of a writer.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s fiction for most.
Every writer I know tells a similar tale. First we brainstorm for ideas. Then we struggle for words that do more than lie there limp as a shoelace out of its shoe. Next we mentally try on points to make and practical take-aways we hope will fit possible readers.
We stare off into space a lot, too, wondering whether our words will ever connect, ever touch hearts.
You see, sometimes (often) I wonder what else could there be to say, or who might read what I write, much less remember any of it.
Times like that Churchill’s quote reminds me to just get going and write something.
Down days come along now and then, for every one of us
We all prefer the bright and sunny days, don’t we? Most of us know what it feels like to have times we barely manage to “gut it out” and pray we can make it through.
Winston Churchill’s parents may have felt that way as young Winston got expelled from more than one school. Too uncooperative. Too rebellious. Too independent–you get the picture. Somehow he made it through school. Perhaps his “Never give up” motto stemmed from his own years of struggle.
Who could have predicted that many of the qualities that kept Winston in trouble as a youngster were exactly what he needed as a leader during World War II? I think there’s a message here for you and me:
We cannot know now what our lives will be like in the future, or how all along God is equipping us with the qualities and learning we will need then.
Words I treasure even more than Churchill’s
His words, as great as they are, indicate the courage to keep going has to come from within myself. Just between you and me, I’m not that strong.
I do know where to find courage and comfort and peace when I’m troubled. Too often I try to work it out on my own first. It’s so much better to first talk it over with God (pray) and find the Bible verses that speak to my heart. The Bible is full of them!
Here are a couple of the verses I treasure.
[God says] “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” –Joshua 1:9
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. –Psalm 34:4
We can talk to God about our fears and inadequacies, our innermost feelings any time of the day or night. He never slumbers or sleeps, remember? Any time is the right time to lay out our cares before Him.
One truth I learned from living: When life challenges us to our limits, no matter how weak we feel, He enables us to “never, never, never give up”
Dear friend, I pray you would know the truth of this and the joy of this for yourself.
If we grew up with a father who was present we were blessed
Nobody is perfect, but if he was there, we felt safe because whatever dangers might lurk in the shadows, we knew Daddy would protect us.
When he held our hand we would go with him wherever he might lead, no questions asked.
Jump off a roof? Sure.
Walk into a raging ocean? Absolutely. Daddy wouldn’t let anything harm us.
We thought he could do anything and answer any question we might ask.
Why, Daddy must be the smartest man in the whole wide world!
And then we grew up
Sometime during our teenage years we realized Daddy didn’t know everything. He wasn’t cool. What’s more, he seemed determined to spoil our fun with all his rules.
Over time we met new people and, as the cliché puts it, we “expanded our horizons.”
As we learned and grew we decided now we knew How Things Ought to Be.
This left us less impressed with Dear Old Dad. He was so out of it.
Comes the enlightenment
Eventually we became parents ourselves and suddenly we were the one(s) in charge. Whether our child (children) lived or died depended on us. Only then did we understand what every parent comes to know:
The only time any of us knows everything about rearing children is before we have any.
What’s more, parenting turned out to be way harder than we ever imagined.
We ached to be perfect parents, but life kept getting in the way. We wanted to be bright and cheery and understanding at all times, but we didn’t even come close. Sometimes we even yelled at our beautiful, innocent darlings.
Slowly we grasped the inescapable truth: We flesh-and-blood dads and moms do not have it in us to be perfect.
Neither did our fathers. (Or mothers.)
We couldn’t avoid the only logical conclusion: Most of them did the best they could with what they knew at the time.
Don’t–or didn’t–we all do the same?
If not before, now’s the time to be as compassionate and objective with our own fathers as we are with everyone else’s
Only then will we see the blessing in what seemed so ordinary.
Daddy was there. That made us feel secure because we knew we could count on him. Even if he couldn’t be present physically, we knew he was with us in his spirit and his heart.
We knew he loved us. We could see it in his smiles, even if he never uttered those three little words.
He loved our mom more than us–and we knew it. As Theodore Hesburgh said, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.”
Dad wasn’t perfect, but he tried. Somehow we understood he did the best he knew how and gave us what he could.
If our father believed in Jesus and tried to live out the Christian faith he set a solid example for us. Even when we took it for granted. Even when we didn’t appreciate it.
If your dad’s still breathing, tell him what he longs to hear
Tell him you love him now even more than when you were a child because you better understand what it cost him to be your father.
Replay a few happy memories with him and watch his face light up. Listen to the new lilt in his voice.
Let him know it matters that he lived. Now, while he can hear it.
If you’ve had “issues” with your dad, there is no better time to set aside who’s “right” and who’s “wrong.” Let it go and forgive mistakes of the past.
Lay your unrest at the cross and be amazed how much lighter you feel.
It may seem a small thing, but …
As long as your father lives, you will always be Daddy’s “little girl” or “little boy.”
This sounds like a cliché but take it from me, you’ll miss how that makes you feel.
Whatever your father’s age, inside he’s the same Daddy who lightly placed you on his strong shoulders and made you feel like the luckiest kid around.
Family love doesn’t always match our romanticized images, but it is love, just the same.
If you still can, speak your love. Let your love be a gift not reserved for just one day of the year. Give it freely and taste the reward of a heart at peace.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. –-1 Peter 4:8 NIV
Does your heart start pounding when you watch or listen to the news?
Many of us know that feeling, because it’s obvious that emotions run high on all sides. Lots of speculation–and fear.
That makes it a good time to remind ourselves that our good old USA has been in turmoil before and this probably won’t be the last time that’s true. Whatever our current crises may be, this time likely will end up being another variation on an earlier period in U.S. history.
If you doubt that, just read this editorial from Harper’s Magazine. It appeared in their October 10, 1847, edition, 175 years ago.
(Please note at the time this was written it was socially and politically acceptable to use the term “man” to refer to all of humankind.)
It is a gloomy moment in history. Not in the lifetime of any man has there been so much grave and deep apprehension; never has the future seemed so dark and incalculable.
In France the political cauldron seethes and bubbles with uncertainty.
England and the British Empire are being sorely tried and exhausted in a social and economic struggle, with turmoil at home and uprising on her teeming millions in her far-flung Empire.
The United States is beset with racial, industrial and commercial chaos, drifting we know not where.
Russia hangs like a storm cloud on the horizon of Europe–dark, menacing and foreboding.
It is a solemn moment, and no man can feel indifference, which happily, no man pretends to feel in the issue of events.
Of our own troubles no man can see the end. …
What if we took that essay as encouragement instead of gloom?
History–all of it–is loaded with missteps and mistakes, repeated again and again. Yet the sun keeps rising and setting on schedule and so does the moon. God set it up that way.
Here are a few quotes and Scripture verses I pray would be heart-lifters for you as they are for me.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. –Franklin D. Roosevelt
[Jesus said] “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.–1 Peter 5:7
Courage is fear that has said its prayers. –Dorothy Bernard
