Some of us are stuck in yesterday
We still hear the critical voices of our parents or teachers or the taunts of childhood friends. In times of clear thinking we remind ourselves that’s pointless, but old hurts and doubts still surface and hang around.
Oh sure, we know no one had a perfect childhood. But here we are, still dragging around wrong messages from the past. Why is that?
How can we lighten that load or put it down for good?
Begin by recognizing painful words for what they are
This story is about our friend “Tim,” but it could just as well be about “Tina”.
Tim grew up with an alcoholic dad who delighted in bringing everyone else down. Especially his children. When the kids came home excited because they got good grades or because they had come out on top, Pops would laugh and ask, “Oh, getting the big head, are we?
Every. Single. Time.
The boy became the teenager became the adult. Everyone who knew him considered Tim a success story.
That is, everyone but Tim.
Whenever things went his way at work or his wife told him she was proud of him, Tim still heard his father’s voice taunting him with the same hurtful question.
He felt hopeless and asked himself, would he–could he–ever be free?
Then Tim and his buddy joined the men’s group from church
They quickly felt comfortable and liked the informal discussion of how the Bible still applies to living today. Then came a snack, plus lots of time to just talk–and really connect. Tim slowly felt himself relax.
One week their assignment was to do a self-assessment which they could share or not, no pressure.
They only had to think through one question:
Who am I now? Today?
Letting go of the past
As he thought about his life Tim saw how all his life he worked hard to prove himself–to his dad, he finally understood.
Now he had a good job and he got along well with his co-workers.
Best of all, he and his wife were strong together. The hard times they struggled through taught them they could rely on each other. I love her more today than when I married her. Thank you, Lord!
He thought of their family and smiled. They’re good kids, they’re healthy and they’re doing okay in school. I need to tell them a lot more often that I love them and I’m proud of them.
The question of the week no longer intimidated him.
When his eyes dropped to the Bible verse of the week, 2 Corinthians 12:9, God’s words to the Apostle Paul. Tim felt it could have been written just for him.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Seeing clearly at last
Next time the men’s group gathered, Tim couldn’t wait to share the new understanding he gained of his father:
“For perhaps the first time, I saw my dad with clear eyes. Back then he was a walking disaster. Constantly putting all of us down made him feel better about his own messed-up life.
“Once I understood that, I could let it go. Now when I hear Dad’s critical voice in my head I answer it with today’s truth, which is that I like my life and what I’ve become. I know it’s God’s blessing and from now on I want to live out last week’s Bible verse:”
“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:18-19
Enduring truths
Long ago I found a quote which brought me up short. Way back in history, Epictetus, a Greek philosopher who lived from 55 A.D. until 135 A.D., summed it up this way:
“It’s not what happens to you but how you react to it that matters.”
These words can be a power statement that fits each of us, at any stage of life. Whether we realize it or not, we have within us the power to control how we think about what comes into our lives. Whether we’re troubled by painful memories from the past or by uneasiness over present reality, when we change our thinking, we can change our lives.
Still learning,
Lenore
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