Category: Parenting

Those of us in touch with the times know that kids do fine in any kind of family.

The Experts have declared it so.

They say it makes no difference if a youngster has two parents or one. Married or unmarried. Straight or gay. Whatever … it's all the same.

Agree or disagree?

That's become a loaded question in our time.

I happen to believe fathers bring balance to a child's life

Picture the preschooler trying to go down a slide, but frozen by fear. Mommy says, "Oh, Honey, if you don't want to go down this time, I'll come help you get down. You can try another time."

Daddy says, "Aw, c'mon. I know you can do it! Just shut your eyes and let go. I'll be here to catch you at the bottom."

If the child comes down and bumps at the bottom, there'll be crying. Mommy rushes in with hugs and coos, "There, there, Sweetie, you'll be okay. You don't have to try that again until you're ready."

But Daddy says, "Hey, that's a good start! Now just go up there and try again. You'll be so proud of yourself! Then we'll go celebrate with ice cream."

And so it goes, all through life

I think children benefit from both the soft, warm, nurturing comfort of Mom and the encouraging prods from Dad.

When I think of my dad I can't remember any deep, wise sayings. All I knew was he loved me. He loved my three sisters. And he loved my mom.

My mom and dad often looked at each other as though there were no one else in the world. Early on I didn't understand it but I sensed that somehow it was wonderful.

Now I realize their steadfast love blessed me and my sisters.

Love that lasts

I never saw that love fail, not even through the last hard three years of my mother's life after she was diagnosed with A.L.S., otherwise known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. Mom died at age 54.

By then I had married and moved away, so I only saw them every couple of months. As my mother's condition slowly deteriorated I watched them cope with simple acceptance and quiet faith.

The same way they lived through all the years of their marriage.

My dad cared for Mom and held life together as best he could for my two teenage sisters. All the while he continued to pastor the congregation of wonderful Christians he was called to serve.

How did he manage it? I'm sure Dad would have said what the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:13:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -NKJV

Dad trusted Jesus and sought to live by the Bible he regularly taught and preached.

That was who he was. I knew it then as more of a concept. Now I know by experience how Paul's words can put steel into a spine.

In praise of imperfect fathers

My dad wasn't perfect. Most of us can think of ways our fathers could be–or could have been–"better."

Here's the thing: Being imperfect comes with being human. Imperfect is what we are, all of us.

You and I so easily fixate on what's missing. We forget that to simply be there adds stability to a youngster's life.

If a father is someone his kids can look up to and count on he gives them a lifetime gift.

Can we not rejoice over what is rather than bemoan what's missing?

Can single parents raise strong, stable children? Absolutely. Especially if a mother makes sure her children spend time around good dads or father figures. (And vice versa, if it's a single dad.) It's tough to be a single parent, but many do a fantastic job.

Reason to celebrate

Our perception of what our parents lived through is hazy, so our understanding is limited.

It's time to forget their failures and thank God for what they did right. Every father who loves his children and offers a solid base they can count on is a blessing. (Ditto for every mother who does the same.)

Be grateful–and say so–while you still can.

Look for the joy, my friend, always,

Lenore

Related articles

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Feed your marriage on "we" instead of "me" and watch it thrive

What good are dads in a child’s life?

June 15, 2017
That's a question worth considering because it applies to all human relationships, the workplace and even school classrooms.

By now I've lived long enough to understand we often find what we're looking for.

Does that sound too simplistic? Read on. This often-told story is said to be true and it carries a timeless universal message. Here's my version, all names fictional.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Shortly before school commenced for the year brand-new teacher Angie White visited the school office. The secretary handed her a stack of files. "Sorry, no grade transcripts. Principal Green likes new teachers to start off fresh and form their own opinions. I do have some lists and notes Mrs. Black left behind when she retired. Last year she taught most of these children in fourth-grade."

Angie noticed some students had asterisks by their names and a few names were underlined. Hmm. I'll bet these were her favorites–or maybe the brightest ones or the most responsible. What a treat it will be to have a class with so many above-average kids!

Next Monday the children showed up and Miss Angie greeted them with a big smile. Over time other teachers noted her consistently upbeat attitude. A couple of veterans talked about it in the teachers' lounge. Miss Lucy said, "She'll get over it soon enough. In the beginning we all thought we could change the world, too. It won't be long before our Miss White gets a dose of reality."

At year's end Principal Green scheduled the usual closing assembly and picnic. Retired teachers were invited as special guests. As soon as she could Angie headed over to meet the teacher who had eased her way.

"I'm Angie White, the fifth-grade teacher who inherited your wonderful class. Oh Mrs. Black, you must have been an inspiring teacher to those fourth-graders! Thanks so much for leaving behind those helpful notes that identified your brightest students. I loved teaching them. No matter how I challenged them, they amazed me with their ability."

Dorothy Black stared at her. "My wonderful class? My dear, you must have me confused with someone else. You can't possibly be talking about the children I had last year. They were the main reason I retired early."

Angie White's forehead creased. "But remember your list? At first I didn't know what those asterisks next to certain names might mean. Then I figured out that was your code to identify top students. And you were right-on. Those kids absolutely exceeded my expectations. It seemed they sparked everyone else, too. I was so privileged to have a class like that in my first year of teaching. Hope they didn't spoil me for next year when I get a class of kids who are just average."

"I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. Please give me some names!"

Mrs. Black took her hand. "My dear, I marked the names of the problem children, the incorrigible ones, the ones who never turned in their homework. They barely made it through fourth grade.

"I wasn't surprised, of course, because their third-grade teacher Sandra Sims warned me to expect a rough year. Just as she said, many were below-par and a couple had real behavior problems. So I just did the best I could with them and somehow got through the year."

Angie White looked away, clearing her throat and blinking back tears. What can I say?

Finally Dorothy Black took her hand and her voice broke, "I see now there's no mystery, my dear. I think those children simply lived up to my expectations.

"They also lived up to yours …"

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

This little tale packs a punch, doesn't it?

It always leaves me with questions.

How often do I plug in someone else's opinion instead of making my own judgments?

Do I expect the best or the worst out of people? Out of life?

Do I allow the people in my life to be who they are?

Every day, in every instance it starts with our mindset. We can't do better than the Apostle Paul's words in Philippians 4:8:

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. -ESV

Still learning,

Lenore
Which is more important, facts or expectations?

March 29, 2017
Here's a question to ponder: Are you "all in" in your marriage?

That is, where do you rank your marriage relationship in your value system?

Some wives and husbands are consumed–and fed–by their jobs.

For couples with children, either one or both may place their children's needs before everything–and everyone–else.

Still others concentrate on their personal growth and interests such as music or sports or physical fitness. That's what fills them up as individuals.

It's easy to assume the relationship between wife and husband kind of takes care of itself

As one husband said, "Well, we're married for Pete's sake. Isn't that enough of a statement?"

A wife said, "We don't have much one-on-one time anymore, but someday we will. He loves me and I love him and well, it's restful to just relax and not try so hard."

Always, the danger is that one or both spouses may feel a nagging sense something is lacking in their marriage.

Can a marriage grow strong on leftovers of time and energy?

A green plant stuck in a dark corner and watered "whenever" may cling to life, but it will be a pitiful, spindly thing. Something like that happens to a marriage relationship left on its own to wait until everyone and everything else is taken care of.

Like any living thing, a marriage needs care and tending if it's to thrive instead of wither.

Here's the good news. What nurtures the marriage also feeds and buoys up the marriage partners.

If this sounds like a win-win situation, it is.

I need a turnaround. Where do I start?

Before you do anything else, pray for fresh eyes to see, a teachable spirit and courage to change. Trust me, you'll need all three.

It's tempting to first identify all the ways your spouse needs to change, but that's a waste of time. The only person you or I can change is the one that looks back at us from our mirrors.

Try making a list of what's right instead. Use your smart phone, your computer, or plain old paper and ballpoint pen.

Whatever means you choose, hang onto this list.

Now start writing. Don't quit until you've written down ten or more qualities or habits you truly value in your wife or husband. Read it out loud to yourself.

Keep your list handy

Reread your list every day. Add to it as you spot additional pluses–and you will, now that you're looking for what's good.

One more thing–and this may be the most important–don't keep it to yourself. Compliment your husband or wife and be specific, even if it feels unnatural at first.

Pay attention to how your mood changes over time and how your spouse reacts. Is there a new warmth between you?

As this becomes your habitual way of relating to each other, you won't want to give it up.

Modeling for the next generation

Today most kids interact with peers whose parents have split. Often they fear their mom and dad will be next.

Here's how to add to their security, big -time. Youngsters who know their parents love each other deeply and put each other first experience a deep-down sense of peace and stability.

You read that right: Parents who put each other first give their children a solid, stable base for life.

Every day such parents provide life lessons on how to live as Christian marriage partners. That's more powerful than any words.

Looking for reliable guidelines?

Here are some which have stood the test of time.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal . . . Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things . . . So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. –1 Corinthians 13:1, 4-7, 13 (ESV)

I never read those words without remembering the speaker who told us, "When you read those words, substitute your own name for the word 'love.'"

Ouch!

You know and I know not one of us can live up to that list perfectly, every day.

Nevertheless, it shows us what perfect love looks like. For me, at least, it helps guide me back to the way I want to love my husband.

Still growing,

Lenore

How to be happier in the marriage you’re in

September 21, 2016
Many parents suppose they can delay talking to their children about sex until their preteen years.

Waiting "until the time is right" is too late. Kids learn about everything–including sex–from their earliest years.

Think of children as video recorders with legs and you won't be far wrong

Long before we think it matters, kids pick up information and impressions about sex, even when they have no idea what it means. They file these bits and pieces in their memory banks.

Most of all, they watch how Mommy and Daddy treat each other.

Mommy and Daddy seem to kiss for a very long time

Daddy comes home sweaty from the job or a workout–and takes a shower–then winks at Mommy

She sprays on perfume when she dresses or just before he walks through the door

Mommy and Daddy smile at each other a lot and he pats her on the rear when he walks by

Children watch everything–and learn.

They don't quite understand the why of it, but they draw impressions that marriage is different. Something special.

What about television?

Make no mistake, TV shows–even cartoon shows–convey messages. Not only what's said, but also how characters interact.

How family members react to what's onscreen is crucial. Picture a shapely blond wearing way too few clothes cavorting across the TV screen. If Dad whistles or says, "Wow, look at that!" he's teaching.

Mom might watch some musclebound hunk, sigh and then say, "Isn't he the handsomest thing you've ever seen?" She's teaching, too.

We all know the standard television fare:

Crude jokes and suggestive language

One character using another

Bed-hopping between singles who just met

Unfaithfulness between married folks

The "absolutely mandatory" gay individual in every sitcom–who always turns out to be much more sensitive and caring than characters who are straight

Every one of these "entertainment" shows instructs. About something.

Any time onscreen words and actions contradict what we tell our kids at other times, we miss out on a natural teaching opportunity.

How? A familiar principle applies here: More is caught than taught.

Children have no filter

It's not just cartoons and sitcoms. Kids also listen in to TV talk shows we think they tune out.

If we say not a word, they'll likely conclude what they're seeing and hearing must be okay, because our silence implies our approval.

Be pro-active. It may inconvenience you, but pause the TV or turn it off. Then talk through what's just been said or shown and help your children understand the right and wrong of it. Anchor what you say in your family's life and faith standards.

It's prime time for setting right attitudes

Home is meant to provide the counter-balance for wrong attitudes pressing in from every side.

Seize the moment, often, to quietly tell your children again how God wants us to live.

Keep your goal in mind: To help your youngsters understand how God's standards differ from the wrong behavior they see around them. Little by little they'll form their own strong foundation of faith that gives them a basis for right behavior.

Feeling overwhelmed? Most of us do. It helps to have some good books with appealing art and kid language for them to read. Scour your Christian bookstore to find what's age-appropriate

The books I know best are the Learning About Sex series from Concordia Publishing House, a Christ-centered publisher. These books feature trustworthy material geared to girls and boys of specific ages. A new revised and updated edition of all the books in the Series was just issued.

I wrote the book for parents, How to Talk Confidently with Your Child about Sex. It takes you through all the stages of your child’s development to assist you in providing accurate biological facts. You'll find suggestions for establishing behaviors, values, and attitudes of a growing Christian.

If this sounds like a reference book, yes. If you expect it to sound scholarly, no. The tone is conversational.

The overall theme of my book–and every book in this Series–is that sexuality is God's good and precious gift to each of us, meant to be the cause of rejoicing between husband and wife.

What if mom and dad have failed in that? We turn to Jesus, to his love and forgiveness, and begin again. This book stresses God's grace in Christ.

Parents rank at the top

It's sobering to realize that how we moms and dads live our lives really counts with our children.

Example weighs more than words.

Every survey of teenagers proves the same point. Teens say their parents are the biggest influence in their children's lives.

That lasting parental influence is built, layer by layer. Day by day.

Don't worry if you stumble along the way. As you integrate bits of information and opinion, you'll feel more at ease talking about sex with your kids.

Think of yourself as the first line of defense against wrong ideas and media influence.

Relax. Trust. Pray

By the way, no parent does everything right.

We all do the best we can with what we know at the time. And we pray, trusting the God who loves our children even more than we.

Then we relax, knowing each of our children is His gift to us.

Feeling shaky?

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.                              –Isaiah 41:10 ESV

Blessings and joy,

Lenore

Your comments welcomed!

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August 21, 2015
This is a story about overcoming BIG obstacles.

This little charmer was born in 1987, to a mother and father who walked away from the hospital and left her behind.

Permanently.

Enter Sharon and Gerald Bricker, two "ordinary" people who live in tiny Hardinville, IL.

They already had three sons, but Sharon always yearned for a daughter. She told a reporter, "I prayed, 'God give me a little girl that needs a family as bad as I need a little girl.'"

He did.

When the couple learned this 3-month old baby girl was available for adoption they were ready to jump at the chance.

There was just one little thing: She was born without legs.

No matter, they decided. The Brickers quickly applied to adopt, signed all the paperwork, took her home and named her Jennifer.

These two knew from the beginning that their new daughter would require all the love they could give her.

Meet Jennifer Bricker today, champion acrobat and aerialist

She and her parents tell their story on an unforgettable YouTube, titled: "Never say can't." www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho9M6r5RF4A

I've watched it several times and one word comes through to me: Courage.

Courage for Jennifer, of course, but also for Sharon and Gerald, all the way through.

They come across as two good people, solid and strong, who stepped out in faith.

These two non-experts simply loved their child and believed in her. Because of Sharon's earlier remarks, it's safe to say they prayed, probably every minute of every day.

I consider these parents as amazing as their daughter.

In the Bricker family, the same rule applied to everyone

Jennifer traces her attitude to the one simple rule her parents gave her: "Never say 'can't.'"

She remembers them telling her again and again, "'Can't' is not part of your vocabulary. If you just put your mind to it, you can do it."

"If you're never given limits," she says, "then you think, 'I can do anything!'"

So this little "handicapped" girl decided she could be a tumbler, a gymnast and nothing would stop her.

Finding courage to go on

When I imagine Sharon and Gerald Bricker's life. I think how easy and loving and "right" it would have seemed to tell their daughter, "Honey, I'm sorry. You can't be a tumbler because you have no legs . . . You can't play basketball because without legs you couldn't be fast enough . . . You can't play baseball because how could you run the bases?"

And all their friends and neighbors would have said, "You did the right thing. It's a shame, but in her situation how could little Jennifer even think such a thing?"

It took courage to let their daughter try and keep on trying and experience the disappointment and pain until she mastered the skills.

Suppose we, too, adopted "Never say can't" as our motto

What if we removed "can't" from our vocabulary? Or refused to allow it as an excuse within our family?

It sounds almost counter-cultural, doesn't it?

Whatever age we are, it takes courage to murder the word, "can't," and push ourselves to grow stronger and to persevere when it's hard.

Maybe it sounds too simple, but as Christians we know where to find strength and courage to go on. Here are a couple of verses that remind us we are never alone:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. –Isaiah 41:10

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. –Philippians 4:13

Still learning, too,

Lenore

Note: Because Jennifer Bricker was interviewed on "Family Life Today" on July 15, 2015, it seemed worthwhile to re-post this. She makes us believe we can handle anything, doesn't she?

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July 15, 2015
I remember being an earnest young mom trying so hard to do everything right and be sure our little darlings were safe.

One dear older lady watched me washing off my toddler and every surface around her. If our little girl dropped a toy I'd snatch it up and wash it before giving it back to her.

This sweet older friend said, "Aw Honey, don't worry about a little dirt. We all eat a bushel of dirt before we die, anyhow."

I stared at her in shock, wondering if she was kidding.

She wasn't.

Because I was young and insecure–and informed!–I assumed she simply didn't know better, so I paid no attention. The washing and wiping continued.

The "experts" are agreeing with her

After years of advising us to use not only soap and water, but sanitizers and wipes so we can be super-clean, now they're saying, "Well, maybe not."

The new thinking is that all that washing and sanitizing is part of the reason we have super-germs.

Put another way, ever-present "normal" germs got wiped away. Bacteria that survived mutated and got stronger.

What we have now are "super bugs," resistant to the usual antibiotics, placing both children and adults at greater risk.

"Don't get dirty!" may not be such good advice

Anxious moms don't like little ones to play in the dirt because, well, who knows what's in it?

Here's what WebMD says about kids and dirt:

"The 'hygiene hypotheses' holds that when exposure to parasites, bacteria, and viruses is limited early in life, children face a greater chance of having allergies, asthma, and other autoimmune diseases during adulthood.

". . . Just as a baby's brain needs stimulation, input, and interaction to develop normally, the young immune system is strengthened by exposure to everyday germs so that it can learn, adapt, and regulate itself, notes Thom McDade, PhD, associate professor and director of the Laboratory for Human Biology Research at Northwestern University."

In a recent study they found that children who were around animals and who had more cases of diarrhea before they were two years old had less incidence of inflammation in their bodies as they grew into adulthood.

That's important because now they know inflammation links to many chronic adult illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease and Alzheimer's.

McDade goes on to say, "Microbial exposures early in life may be important . . . to keep inflammation in check in adulthood."

Out of love and good intentions we've been trying to raise our kids in germ-free environments. Who would have guessed we may be depriving them of the opportunity to build a strong immune system for life?

Much like my long-ago older friend, Professor McDade advocates common sense: "You don't have to wash or sanitize everything."

Here's my simple conclusion

God created the earth and everything in it. Obviously, that includes the dirt under our feet.

God makes us one-of-a-kind and gifts human beings with the ability to think, giving some an affinity for science and medicine.

Nothing surprises our loving God, because the Bible tells us He is all-knowing. Period. He knows everything that is to come and exactly what mankind will need to handle it.

That means you and I can say with the writer of Psalm 121:7:

The LORD will keep you from all harm– he will watch over your life;

So relax, dear friend. God's got it all covered.

(Besides, we'll eat a bushel of dirt before we die.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

Moms, don’t be afraid of dirt!

March 12, 2015
Just the other day I heard a mom say, "I love my kids, but somewhere along the way I lost myself."

Another mom said, "My children are my life! They take all my time and fill up all my heart.

"But the other night my husband told me at work he's respected and looked up to, but at home he feels invisible.

"I couldn't tell him what I was feeling, which is that I have nothing left to give."

Can you relate?

Being a mom takes all we have and then some. It can blot out everything and everyone else and leave us feeling wrung-out.

Beware making it a way of life.

What's that supposed to mean?

When our four girls were growing up I often felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities–and I was.

A wonderful friend from our church told me early on. "Always remember you started with the two of you and the love between you. Guard your marriage relationship well.

"Find a way to make time each day for the two of you. You both need that connecting to remember who you are.

"I always made sure Jim knew I loved him most and I can tell you, it works. We still had something going between us when our kids grew up and went off to their own lives."

We knew by their body language it worked, so we tried to live it.

Yes, it makes a difference.

It's possible to be too proud of being a "good mother"

Everyone knows someone always described as "such a good mom she puts the rest of us to shame."

She always picks up the slack for her kids. She helps them with homework and cleans up their messes. Runs to the school with forgotten lunches and gym clothes. Fights their battles against "too hard on them" teachers and anyone who ever picks on her child. And of course, she always goes along on school field trips.

She does it all out of love, so who would fault her?

Call me crazy, but I would.

Okay, smarty pants, what makes a good mom or a good dad?

For awhile I was impressed by a mom like that who lived up the road. I was convinced she must be a better mother.

Thank God I heard an older friend state her philosophy of being a mom:

"A mother's job is to work herself out of a job–long before her children leave home."

She explained what she meant. We parents need to let our children learn from their choices and mistakes. If they forget their homework, their grade will suffer–and they'll learn. If they forget their gym clothes they'll sit on the bench and be bored–and never forget again. If they don't take their lunch today, they may be hungry, but they'll remember to take it tomorrow.

A youngster who learns from (small) choices and (small) mistakes grows up knowing that everything is a choice–and every choice has a consequence, good or bad.

That's a handy thing to know all through life and makes for stronger individuals.

Which, come to think of it, helps Mom remember who she is and why she married Dad.

We lived it at our house and it works.

In fact, that's the basis for my book, Godly Moms: Strength from the Inside Out. (See book cover and link on the sidebar.)

With love,

Lenore

How to survive being a mom

October 23, 2014
Even though we know education has changed radically, most of us think we pretty much know what's being taught. Even sex education classes, which used to be controversial, have become routine in most public schools.

Besides, we can trust the carefully-chosen books our local schools give out to students. Right?

Maybe not.

Back in August one mom in Fremont, CA, bothered to read this new textbook, slated for use this fall with 9th graders in Fremont Unified School District high schools.

She was shocked by the section on sex–and said so. She told others and more parents demanded a look-see. Protests grew.

One mom said, "The main thing is this book treats the kids as adults and the content is adult. For a 14-year old kid, to introduce him to these things, I don't think it is right at this stage."

What things? Listen to a dad: "When I looked at the book, I couldn't believe the topics that were in there. . . Bondage? How is that a healthy thing to teach a ninth-grade student?"

That's not all

Your Health Today is published by McGraw Hill. Board members who spent $204,600 to purchase it pronounced it a textbook on healthy living, with one section devoted to sex. One says a poll of students revealed many ninth-graders in their schools already are sexually active, so they need to know "the facts."

Over 1,700 parents objected to the "facts" depicted. They signed a petition to remove the book, which covers sexual positions, fantasies and games, how to use vibrators and sex toys, bondage with ropes, handcuffs and blindfolds–and more.

Like how to tell your sexual partner(s) about previous sexual partners.

Like how to find sex websites and where to buy various equipment.

When school officials and board members finally met with the standing-room-only crowd of protesters, comments went on for hours. Later it was announced the book will not be used this fall.

I don't live in Fremont. Why should I care?

If you, like me, believe what's taught in the schools affects our society, either now or in years to come, it matters.

We all need to pay attention and be informed, then speak up. If we don't, who will?

But let's be constructive instead of critical. Let's appreciate the many good teachers who day-after-day do their best to instruct and care for students. Let's encourage parents and teens in our community and church who are trying.

Even if our children are grown we have a part to play. Suppose instead of negative comments we daily prayed for harried parents and teachers–and teenagers–who are dealing with life as it is today.

Living God's way in today's warped society is hard. A good word from you or me could recharge them not to wimp out.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. –1 Thessalonians 5:11

We are here today and this is the world we live in

This one school made the news, but that doesn't mean it's the only one using questionable teaching materials or practices.

Here are links to earlier posts that talk about that.

http://awomansview.typepad.com/a_womans_view/2013/08/get-your-kids-ready-for-the-new-gender-attitudes-at-school.html

http://awomansview.typepad.com/a_womans_view/2011/10/are-you-female-male-both-or-neither.html

We are not alone!

It helps to be informed with current information and terminology, presented with a Christian perspective. The books I know best are in the well-respected Learning about Sex series from Concordia Publishing House, now in its Fifth Edition. (See link and more info in right-hand column.)

If all this sounds daunting, let's remember this.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. –2 Timothy 1:7

Growing, too,

Lenore

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September 4, 2014
The only time we know how to raise children perfectly is before we have any.

Why wouldn't that be true? God creates each child to be one-of-a-kind, whether our children come to us by birth, by adoption, or because we marry a man who already is a dad.

That plunges us into a lifelong process of stretching. Growing. Learning.

We soon discover that being a mom means whatever else we may be involved in, our children remain constantly in our minds and in our hearts.

Being a mom takes all we have and then some

When our four daughters were growing up I loved them and every bit of our life, but I often felt up to my eyeballs in responsibilities.

I never once wanted to quit, but I longed to find a better way.

About that time God sent an older friend who shared her philosophy of mothering: "A mother's job is to work herself out of a job–long before her children leave home."

That "radical" thought made sense to me

Along with feeding, clothing and teaching our children, we moms are to prepare them for life. We hear all the time that life is tough, even for kids. Away from us they're on their own, whether it's at child care or in school.

When we help them develop inner strength we're living out the Golden Rule:

[Jesus said] "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

I can't think of a more loving and lasting gift we can give our children, can you?

My husband and I decided to borrow my wise friend's principles of parenting. Before long we noticed the change in our family. It seemed we all liked each other more–and ourselves, too. Over the years we watched our daughters grew into strong adults.

Those years taught me and became background for my latest book Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out

This collection of short pieces can be read in snatches of time. Here's one to hang onto when you're feeling stressed.

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MADE FOR EACH OTHER

Your family is no accident. God gave you to each other.

Each child who calls you "Mom" was created just for you.

God placed you together because you need each other.

Let those sentences sink deep into your heart and your mind.

This is true even when you have conflicts and diffficulties. Even if you are as different as plums and peanut butter. Even though it seems you always say or do the wrong thing with one of your children.

Your Designer Kids need you, not the Ms. Flawless Mom who lives on the corner.

And vice versa.

You don't need the placid child next door, nor Super Kid across the street. You need that one who most often baffles you or challenges you.

God tailor-makes our children to stretch us.

To teach us.

To grow us.

Mothering opens our minds and strips away old, comfortable illusions about life.

And about ourselves.

Day after day, we're forced to cope. As we do, we may discover strengths we didn't know we had.

Weaknesses too.

No mom would label this process easy or comfortable. Growing pains never are.

When you feel overwhelmed, reassure yourself with what you know. God put together the pieces of your family jigsaw puzzle according to His plan.

It is a good one.

So walk on, trust Jesus, and be at peace.

Like your kids, you're in the process of becoming. Your heart will never shrink back to its original size.

[The Lord says,] "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." —Jeremiah 1:5a

(Excerpted from Godly Moms – Strength from the Inside Out, published by Concordia Publishing House, St. Louis.)

Moms, if you feel in over your head, take heart. Every day you leave footprints on tomorrow.

Blessings and love,

Lenore

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Did you ever notice how many people talk about even very young children as if they were miniature adults? It seems to me they confer upon youngsters way more self-control, maturity and judgment than kids are capable of at those ages.

Well-meaning parents do it, too. No doubt you've heard someone ask a little one, "What shall we have for lunch today?"

Lots of kids would be ready to shout, "Popsicles!" or "Gummi-Bears and M&Ms!"

Then Mommy might answer, "But, Honey, you know we couldn't have that for lunch. That wouldn't be healthy!"

Any reasonable child would be thinking, So why did you ask me if it doesn't matter what I say?

Good point

We do ask without really intending to take a child's answer seriously.

Sometimes our questions put the child a decision-making position that belongs to the parent. I remember the earnest young working mom I talked to before school started. She and her husband were going on a cruise, which would end just past the beginning date of school in her area. The problem was that "Timmy," her oldest child, was enrolled in kindergarten and it would be underway before she returned.

"So I just gave Timmy the choice," she said. "Did he want to wait for Mommy to come back and take him, so we could go into the school together and I could meet the teacher with him? Or did he want to go on his own, without Mommy? I told him if he waits, he'll miss out on lots of important stuff, like meeting other kids.

"I'm glad he decided to wait, so I can go with him on his first day, after all.

"But it is his choice. After all, Timmy is five years old. That's old enough to make decisions about his own life."

Do you agree?

It seems to me that decision belonged to the parents, not their five-year-old. He simply hasn't lived long enough to know.

That's not to say children should never have a voice. We give our kids a lifetime gift when we allow them to make age-appropriate choices. Little by little we increase the number of choices they get to make. By the way, that includes letting them live with the consequences (unless that would mean actual harm to them.) Always, we keep a watchful, protective eye–without hovering.

All this helps them learn and grow into strong young individuals who can manage on their own. And isn't that our goal as parents?

We need self-honesty, too

I suspect that young mom wanted to be missed and needed, but right then her longing for a vacation outweighed the beginning of kindergarten.

We're all wired the same way. We tend to think of our desires first. Being a parent keeps us shoving aside our wants and putting our kids first, but let's face it, we get weary. Growth is good, but sometimes it's not much fun.

Sooo we cut ourselves some slack. We try not to ask our children questions unless we plan to take their answers seriously.

We let our kids be kids.

Through their growth–and ours–we keep on encouraging, keep on loving.

As the writer of 1 Peter said in chapter 4, verse 8 (NIV):

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Love,

Lenore

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