Change Your Mindset and See Your Life Change

Have you noticed how someone’s casual remark sometimes switches your mind into a new–and better–way of thinking? 

It happened to me when I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen for months. After exchanging the usual pleasantries I asked, “How are things going for you lately?”

She lit up with a big smile and said, “Lately my life has been really, really good.”            

“Great! Has something changed?”

“Nope. At long last I figured out what makes the difference between being happy and being frustrated. It’s so simple I’m embarrassed to say it, but all I did was lower my expectations. Somehow that made a huge difference in my outlook.” 

That brief conversation replayed in my mind all week, probably because, well, I needed to hear it.

Lower my expectations. Could it be that simple?

Ever had a conversation like this at your house? 

Me: “Well, I thought you would _____.” My husband: Sorry, but how was I to know what you expected? I think you’re disappointed because I didn’t live up to your expectations.”  

He was right, of course. (Sigh.) 

It took awhile but I finally admitted to myself that too often I thought I knew how things “should” go. With my husband, our neighbors, our children, even with myself. 

The starting place 

The more I thought about what my husband said and that conversation with my friend, the more I could understood how her new attitude could change life for the better. Could it really be that clear-cut?

Expect less and rejoice over what IS, rather than stress over what isn’t.

I heard myself thinking, Well, any fool should be able to do that. 

Exactly. That’s the point.

Plotting it out

I’m not a psychiatrist or a counselor, but many years of living and studying and observing people taught me a lot. Now I realized I had been wearing blinders, so to speak. I really did want to change so as always, I asked God to open my understanding.    

Obviously, I had to lay aside my old comfortable habits. Then I needed to adjust my thinking and reacting. Baby-step by baby-step seemed the way to go, so it took awhile, with lots of slips and starts. Gradually this new way of thinking felt more comfortable.   

I found what worked for me was to think small and aim for manageable changes in the beginning. Once that attitude change felt natural I could move on to the next step.  

Trust me, I also learned it’s hard to change old habits and that I needed to be patient with myself.  

Where to start? Here’s a checklist of some things I learned 

1. 1. First and always, just accept each person as they are, rather than thinking “If only….” Look on their differentness as a spice in life, rather than an irritant.

   2. Reaffirm what’s worthy in people with a bit of praise now and then. Hint: There’s no better way to see more of it.

   3. Spend more time looking for what’s good than hunting out what isn’t.

   4. Be glad and grateful for what is instead of wishing for what isn’t. Decide to view your glass as half-full, rather than half-empty.

   5. Look around at your own four walls with fresh eyes. Instead of picking out flaws, let yourself breathe in the warmth of your home. It’s the recharging and refueling station you’ve created for yourself and for your loved ones.
      
   6. Learn to appreciate small everyday joys. They’re the stuff of daily life.

   7. Smile more.(Skin experts tell us this cuts down on wrinkles, too.)

   8. Begin each day with, “Thank you, Lord, for my life and the people in it.” (Watch how this simple practice brightens your day.) 

Three universal principles 

• We get back what we give out

If we long to hear praise we need to hand it out, too. This means we open our eyes and actually see the people around us. Suppose you want your spouse to be more thoughtful and loving. Exaggerated sighs and nagging seldom pay off. Instead, make it your habit to give out what you want to receive. (Be patient as your new way of mutual giving develops.) 

• Be forgiving of flaws

Nobody’s perfect, not even you or me. Aren’t you glad? If we keep this thought front and center in our minds it smooths over a lot of life’s stresses. 

• Give up chasing perfectionism and get real

Lower your standards a bit. (Nobody’s perfect, remember?) Feel your tense shoulders relax. Smile more. Laugh more often as you shift your view and see the small amusements all around–in people and in situations.  

Contentment. A synonym for happiness?

The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”  (Philippians 4:11 NIV)

Read that again and think about what he said. Even the Apostle Paul had to learn to be content, so let’s not give up on ourselves as over and over, we take two steps forward and one step back. (Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward, isn’t it?)

We are, after all, only human. Through God’s grace in Jesus Christ we who believe are forgiven sinners, but here on earth we’ll remain flawed. That truth makes it easier to lower our expectations and be thankful for the good qualities in our family and the people around us. 

We all want the people we love and the people around us to accept us as we are. So how can we do less for them? Jesus said in Luke 6:31: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Now, can we all breathe a big sigh of relief?

Learning, too, 

Lenore