I confess, it took me way too long to grasp the one-size-fits-all wisdom of that short sentence. Years, in fact.
Somewhere along the way I bought into the lie that “other things” determined the quality of my days, almost as if I were as powerless as a twig floating on an unpredictable stream.
Did I know I thought that? Uh-uh.
I also believed that sometimes, I couldn’t help the way I felt. A cloudy day could “make” me blue. Sometimes my children “drove” me to be impatient and out-of-sorts.
As for the usual daily routines of home and child-rearing that never stayed done, well, who wouldn’t get tired of it once in awhile?
Besides, didn’t I once in awhile have the right to be snippy?
All along I loved my husband, more each day. Our kids brimmed with health and energy. loved our life together and saw the worth of it. I knew God blessed us and I thanked Him for it.
Occasionally, however, that nasty little inner voice whispered, “There must be more to life than this.”
All my life I counted the Bible precept of “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Did it ever occur to me that often my words and actions implied I loved myself more than my closest neighbors, my husband and children?
Honest answer: Hardly ever.
I don’t remember how, but finally the obvious shouted so loudly it couldn’t hide from it:
The root cause wasn’t my life. It was how I reacted to my life.
After that flash of truth I wanted to change
It hit me that every day we moms–and dads–lay down tomorrow’s memories. I wanted our children to smile when they remembered.
So I started reading and learning and looking for good role models. When someone talked about their childhood I listened closely, trying not to be obvious about it. Some described their growing-up years with a light in their eyes and a smile in their voice. If they gave more detail to what they said, I took careful mental notes.
I also noticed that some individuals seemed to deliberately avoid joining in. They usually looked wistful and didn’t say much.
I took it all in–and learned. Changing my mindset came slowly, but it came.
What does “leaving a legacy” look like?
Before I always assumed that phrase referred to money and assets. Then I met “Dale” and heard him talk about his childhood. “I guess I grew up poor, but we kids never knew it.
“Oh, sure, we knew Dad worked hard all day at the factory, and Mama worked nights at the nursing home. We knew all too well how they stretched every dollar ’til it hollered, but they never talked poor. I never once heard either one complain that somebody else got all the breaks and it wasn’t fair.
“Mama and Dad would tell us some folks have more money, some have less, and that’s life. We kids couldn’t argue with their simple explanation because we saw it all around us.
“If we wanted something and they said No, we weren’t allowed to pout or have a ‘pity party’.
“I can still hear my mama’s voice saying, ‘You’ve got it all!’
“That never made sense to us, but they’d remind us we had healthy bodies and good minds, so we could be anything we wanted to be. Besides, we had enough to eat and our drafty old house was full of love.
“One of them, usually Dad, would look solemn and remind us, ‘The Bible says if we have food and clothes to wear we should be content. Remember?’
“Then he’d laugh and gather us all into a big hug. Sometimes he would put on a record and grab Mama. They’d hug and start dancing and we kids would hop around the room. First thing you know, it felt like a party.
“I look back now and realize I grew up rich.”
You and I can learn from them
Dale’s parents accepted–and rejoiced in–the life they had. They didn’t gloss over the hardships in their life, they simply refused to park there.
They focused instead on their blessings and stressed that reality to their children. In spite of money being tight, these parents laid down memories that made their son smile, even decades later.
Their truth spoke to me, too, and whatever self-pity I still hung onto went away. It was plain as day. Whatever my situation, I chose what I thought about events and people and my life. It all came down to this: Every situation has two sides. I decide whether I’ll see it as not-so-bad, or not-so-good.
By the way, that long-ago philosopher, Epictetus, merely echoed what God inspired the writer of Proverbs to say in 23:7a (NKJV):
For as he [she]thinks in his [her] heart, so is he [she].
Take it from one who learned it’s true: Making this principle your own can change your life.
One caution: Be patient with yourself. To expect instant, lasting transformation is no more realistic than expecting instant, lasting weight-loss from diet meds alone.
It’s an ongoing process because we will be learning as long as we keep breathing.
I don’t know about you, but I think that’s cause for celebration–every day of every year!
Warmly,
Lenore
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